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This programme contains very strong
language,
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00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,400
adult humour and sexual scenes.
3
00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:25,920
Harder!
4
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,080
Fucking amateur hour. Harder.
5
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,400
Turn.
6
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,520
No - Art section. Art.
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What's the Swedish for 'Art'?
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We are German Mr Barnard.
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Mama, die Kunst.
Kuntz. Kuntz.
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No wait - back! Stoppen.
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# Money #
12
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Oh no you fucking don't!
13
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# The best things in life are free #
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Liz? Lizabeth? You lazy dickhead.
15
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Come and help me with
these fucking boxes of cri...
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00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,680
Hey, what the fuck you playing at.
You don't work 'ere.
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Mum's at the doctors.Oh Mum's
at doc- alright Mum's at doctors.
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Right, I'm sorry
to inform you this love.
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But you don't inherit
the fucking job.
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00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,080
It's not the pissing House of Lords.
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Fine. Stout and a bag of scratchings
for Jim,
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and one of the bogs is blocked -
also Jim.
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It's both bogs.
24
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,280
Jesus fucking Christ, Jim!
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You could have left this open for
me, couldn't you dick head.
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Yeah well, I can't pinch one
out at home, can I?
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00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,640
I've got ladies staying.
28
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,080
They're lezzas, yeah, but they're
still women.
29
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,280
Just much hairier.
Jim, stop talking please.
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00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,120
You're so fucking close
to getting barred.
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Oh... That's erm...
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I'll tell you what,
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you are in fact hired.
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Congratulations err,
just as you were basically.
35
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,680
Hang on, Jim.
36
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,840
Huh?
37
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,720
How'd it go at the doctors.
Are you alright?
38
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,600
Oh yeah, I've just got bumpy tits.
39
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,280
Your nan had them as well.
You'll probably get bumpy tits.
40
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,520
Aww. Thanks mum.
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Look but, while I was there,
they made me do like
42
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,360
a 'health check' thing,
43
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and when it was over,
the doctor turned around to me,
44
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and she said that I am
a 'functioning alcoholic'.
45
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Functioning.
46
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No doctor as ever used
the word 'functioning'
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00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,160
in front of that word before.
48
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I feel like I've been given
like a new lease of life.
49
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,440
And I was thinking -
what am I gonna do with it?
50
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,040
You know, what's next for me?
51
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Stop drinking?
Open a pub!
52
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,880
Oh. You went... that way. OK.
Yeah.
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But not just me. Us. Me and you.
54
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Little family run business.
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I was basically running this place
before the little fella
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got his dirty mitts on to it.
57
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,960
And you've had loads of
like customer-facing experiences
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00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,120
with your-
with the 'stripping'.
59
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,480
That was years ago.
Yeah but it was still face-to-face.
60
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,600
Well it wasn't my face
that was the focus as a rule.
61
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,840
I think it could be a right
nice little earner.
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00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,960
The pub, not your face.
63
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,200
Ah again - thank you.
64
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:18,520
Just imagine it, right, you and me,
behind our own little bar,
65
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,920
night after night, side-by-side?
66
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,520
Yeah. I'm imagining that.
67
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,400
Your masseuse was shit.
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00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,920
Oh God yes.
Yeah but err very discreet.
69
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,160
Where's Vincent?
Vinnie. Oh he's err...
70
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,160
He's gone to Blackpool
a couple of days.
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Hmm. Alright for some.
Have you been to Blackpool?
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Anywhere would be better than
these four fucking walls.
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So is there any- anything else
or shall I just fuck off.
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I have a task that I need attending
to and in the absence
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00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,480
of the tattooed one,
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00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,800
it looks as though you're going have
to act as my right hand...
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00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,600
Oh sweetheart.
I'm not wanking you off.
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00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,920
I want someone dead.
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00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,080
Oh... Oh right. Err well I-
I can get you a bloke
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00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,040
who'll pretend to be dead, yes,
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00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,360
lovely good chap, very cheap,
very amenable. If that's-
82
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,680
No Thomas.
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00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:17,200
I want you to bring me somebody
who is already dead.
84
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,720
Oh. Oh OK. Right well just...
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00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,960
..anyone, or is there one specific?
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Anus Quigley.
'Anus'?
87
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:28,360
Well Amos to his family,
but everyone called him Anus,
88
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,280
on account of him being
an utter and total arsehole.
89
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,400
And he claimed to have
invented anal.
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00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,680
I can assure you,
he did not do that. No.
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00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,520
As a genre... Thomas.
92
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,640
Oh.
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00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:44,680
Do tell.
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He was a major porn magnate
in the 1990's.
95
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,640
Did very well from it.
96
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,480
So our Barry decided to invest,
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00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,480
help finance his transition into
the future of adult entertainment.
98
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,000
The internet?
99
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,280
Blu-Ray.
100
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,240
It's like you're in it. So to speak.
101
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,280
But it seems Quigley had seen
the death of physical media coming.
102
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,880
He'd been recruiting investors
left right and centre
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00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,560
and as soon as he had all
of Barry's money he was gone.
104
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,280
That little fucking...
105
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,600
That deal was our Barry's pension
106
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and that fucker Quigley,
robbed him of it.
107
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,280
As it turned out, Barry didn't
really 'need' a pension.
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00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,120
Sorry, just talking out loud there.
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00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,440
Our Barry went to his graves...
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Plural.
..without his revenge.
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00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,680
I'm sorry err, if this Anus had
breathed his last.
112
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,920
Sorry very visceral image there.
Doesn't that sort of err...
113
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,240
draw a line under it?
114
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,960
Thomas, did you know that
when King Charles
115
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:57,560
came to the throne he was hellbent
on bloody vengeance.
116
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,200
Well because of Megan and Harry
and all that? Y'know.
117
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,080
No, King Charles the Second...
Oh different one, right.
118
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,800
He dug up Cromwell's body,
119
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,440
the man who'd put his father
to death,
120
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,560
hanged and beheaded the corpse.
121
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Just to make a point.
122
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,360
Oh, well it's err...
fascinating in't it.
123
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,720
Sorry, what has that to do with erm-
124
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Oh fuck no.
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Oh fuck yes...
Now go get him Thomas!
126
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,840
No way!
127
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Who is this fucker, are you joking?!
Ash!
128
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Oh sorry.
129
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,240
Sit the fuck down,
he's already dead!
130
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,120
In't he, you can't hurt a corpse.
131
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,360
Anyway since when were you two
so fucking squeamish?
132
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,880
Can we stop saying fuck!
Oh Fuck. Sorry.
133
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,120
It might have been about
y'know fucking Manolito?
134
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,800
What about fucking
Barry McDonagh eh?!
135
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,440
Barry McDonagh's different,
Barry McDonagh exploded into five
136
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,960
little pieces, that's better.
137
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,880
Six pieces, Ashley.
How is that better?
138
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,280
If you don't fancy it, that's fine.
Yeah. Yeah, just err...
139
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,280
do me a favour, pop up and
tell Davey, would yer?
140
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,720
Where's the body?
Coroner's.
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00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,200
Err body gets released to the family
on Monday, so we'll you know-
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Swoop right in, get it. Lovely.
143
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,640
Which coroner?
Blackburn.
144
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,120
Oh, piece of piss then,
145
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,080
it's just a shitty office
off the high street.
146
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,800
A stiff breeze would blow
the back gate in.
147
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,840
Oh High Street's bad news,
security cameras central.
148
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:18,000
Which is why, JJ, all we need
is a car with no past.
149
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,600
No. I know I'm no saint, yeah,
150
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,800
but I am drawing the line
at body snatching.
151
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,800
I've got a little boy
to look at in the eye!
152
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:24,960
You fucking turd.
153
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:30,520
Well, if it's just a stolen motor
we need, err, there's always...
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00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,040
I actually resent the implication,
Thomas.
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00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,680
That you're after stolen goods
and you've come to me,
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a member of the traveling community.
157
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,400
There's a word for that you know.
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00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,600
No, no, no, listen.
159
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,680
Right Mick, what I'm saying,
Ashley it's-
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00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,880
Got yer.
161
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,640
Ah very good.
Yeah you got me. You got me.
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00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,680
Ashley said to me...
Alright!
163
00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:00,600
So, what colour are you after?
Red, silver, black.
164
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,760
Oh I don't know.
Whatever you've got really.
165
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,120
Oh no, I've got nothing.
166
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,560
But sure it's only three o'clock.
High tide for a bag of mischief.
167
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,960
Let's go.
168
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,680
Hey! Is Napoleon tiny parts around?
169
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,200
No. He's out. Why?
Right, have a look at this one?
170
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,720
Look two bars, little garden,
flat upstairs.
171
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,760
Oh. I don't know.
That's a bit of a trek, in it?
172
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,720
It's Ramlington?
It's just past Preston.
173
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,720
You do know you need
a license, don't yer?
174
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,840
It's got a license.
175
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,920
No, you need a license.
To run a pub.
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00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,040
You personally need
a license to sell alcohol.
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00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,600
Err here Liz, give us a look.
178
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,480
Here.
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00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,920
Oh, that is sick.
Yeah?
180
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,800
Yeah, honestly you need to go
and have a look.
181
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,160
I'll give you a lift if you like?
182
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,320
Great. Thank you.
I'll give 'em a ring now.
183
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,360
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
184
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,560
Your mum is tryna set up shop
thirty miles away
185
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,720
and you're tryna put her off.
Yes, set up shop with me.
186
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,760
Oh come off it.
187
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,560
The record for you and her not
arguing is like what, 27 minutes?
188
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,760
Two days together,
she'll be chasing you out of there
189
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,320
with a fucking broom, alright.
190
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,720
Which means we'd be back here,
just the three of us,
191
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,440
without her mental approach
to childcare and parenting and...
192
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,080
just oh, everything.
That is my mum you're talking about.
193
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,720
OK, fine, fine look, I'll just
go and tell her it's a bad thing.
194
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,160
Alright, alright. I mean you know,
let's not be hasty.
195
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,520
What are you doing there.
Stop making mouth noises.
196
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,320
I've got something in my tooth.
197
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,520
There's no lights on out front.
I think we're good.
198
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,760
Right, lovely.
Is this thing electric or what?
199
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,880
It is, yeah. I'm tryna be more
environmentally conscious, Ash.
200
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,400
Mick, I'm not sure people's issue
with car theft is the emissions.
201
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,480
Do you know what I mean?
Anyways, don't go too fast.
202
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:41,920
It's one padlock.
203
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,360
This thing's a glorified milk float,
we'll need the run up.
204
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,840
Right, hold onto your hats!
205
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,040
I think the battery's damaged.
206
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,240
You fucking idiot!
207
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,960
I didn't know there was gonna be
bollards there, did I!
208
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,720
Oh Jesus.
Run away. Run away. Run away.
209
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,440
So err, does it hurt, this then?
210
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,520
Like you wouldn't believe.
211
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:18,600
Oh...
212
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,200
Oh you fucking stupid bastard!
213
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,680
We've been fucked. By a pervert.
214
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,520
They will do that, yeah.
215
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,920
Gary did some digging with his
undertaker mates.
216
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,120
Figures.
217
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,800
Apparently some guy's been breaking
into the coroner's at night
218
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,720
and 'doing things' with the bodies.
Oh...
219
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,280
The problem is
they didn't catch him.
220
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,160
So they've had to overhaul security
to try and stop the little bastard.
221
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:44,120
Which explains the bollards,
the alarm, and fuck knows what else.
222
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,280
Right, we'll have to find another
way in. So was he fondling corpses?
223
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,320
Well rumour is he dresses them up...
224
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,760
..and recreates
classic album covers.
225
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,040
Oh well I think that's better
than what I imagined?
226
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,640
It is surprisingly peachy isn't it
actually?Yeah that's fine.
227
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,840
Hang on a moment. No, no, no,
this guy clearly knows
228
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,680
another way into the coroners
don't he?
229
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,520
We have to track down this bas-tard.
230
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:09,960
When the cops couldn't?
231
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,000
Laugh ye not dickface.
OK.
232
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,560
Because what I have,
that the police don't have
233
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,440
is my underground network
of sexual miscreants.
234
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,920
That is true.
Dirty bastard.
235
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,240
Yeah 'The Illuminasty'.
Oh. Nice little word play.
236
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,320
Very good.
237
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,200
OK listen. You just need to keep
him safe, hug him if he cries.
238
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,520
And we will be like three hours max.
239
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:31,320
Oh you'll be fine.
He more or less looks after himself.
240
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:32,840
He absolutely doesn't!
241
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,320
As you can tell,
he's used to a very low bar...
242
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,320
Right ready?
OK, Bubba be back soon.
243
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:42,600
OK, now, you are gonna be a good
little boy for your Auntie Ally.
244
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,040
I'm not your Auntie mate.
245
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,800
Oh, and he might need changing.
246
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,880
Changing?!
247
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,040
Into what?
248
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,960
You sure this is the right place,
yeah?
249
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,520
I trust my sources.
The Illuminasty have come good.
250
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,480
They always do Ashley.
They always do.
251
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,680
Oooh.
252
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,480
Red flag there.
Odd yeah.
253
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,160
What is that?
What's this fella's name again?
254
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,640
Wet Greg.
255
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:14,960
'Wet Greg'?
256
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,960
Wet Greg.
I only know his chatroom name.
257
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,360
Yes?
258
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,920
Err Wet Greg?
259
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,920
Fuck!
Get him, Ashley!
260
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,520
Get him Ahsley! Get him Ashley!
261
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,320
Stop it Wet Greg.
262
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,240
No! No! Piss off! I want my lawyer!
263
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,440
What do you want
your fucking lawyers for?
264
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,360
I thought you were the police?
265
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,040
Do we look like the police?
266
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,000
I'm in a velour track suite love.
Yeah.
WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0
267
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,040
Well we'd have to put the 'M' back.
268
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,240
Or add an 'E'?
What The Queen's Ears?
269
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,960
Front bar. Back bar...
270
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,160
Bar.
271
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,840
Oh thank fuck, she's here.
272
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,800
Six month lease.
Last landlord hit by a bus.
273
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,600
That's what you want.
Is it?
274
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,800
Oh yeah.
275
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,600
With landlords it's normally one of
the three b's -
276
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,760
breakdown, broke or brawl.
277
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:32,800
Yeah.
278
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,600
It's so reassuring when
the last guy's just hit by a bus.
279
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,600
Unless he stepped out on purpose?
280
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:39,880
Good point.
281
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,080
Doesn't say...
282
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,640
Oh it doesn't say. Really,
you sure you want to check again?
283
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,680
Right. Let me know if you want it.
284
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:53,400
Oh well, the layout's all wrong,
isn't it.
285
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,400
No. A bit of imagination, alright.
286
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,720
Look, I'm thinking,
new booths back there.
287
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,880
Yes.And you could do
a cheeky little rebrand.
288
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:05,760
Goodbye 'The Queen's Arms',
hello 'The Queen... Elizabeth'.
289
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,320
You know, 'Just popping down The Liz
for a pint', trips off tongue.
290
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,360
Oooh, I'm popping down
The Queen Liz for a pint.
291
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,640
Yeah. I could put-
I could put a painting of me...
292
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,760
Well it's in the bag...
293
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,640
Gonna pop for a piss.
294
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,280
Dad?
295
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,720
Jehan?
296
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,240
Shit!
297
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,120
Sorry!
298
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,200
Hey, hey, hey, hands.
299
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,680
Hands. Hands.
300
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:54,480
Oh my God, I mean. This is-
Oh my God.
301
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,640
Err oh 'Rumours: Fleetwood Mac'.
302
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,320
Not a great Stevie Nicks,
303
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,680
but that Mick Fleetwood was too good
to miss -
304
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,840
the bloke was six foot eight.
OK.
305
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,520
Wow.
Impressive what you've done there.
306
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,680
They almost look alive don't they?
Yeah. Yeah.
307
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,360
Oh 'Tapestry: Carole King' -
had to bring my own cat.
308
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,680
Aww.
Oh 'Blondie: Parallel lines'.
309
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:19,000
Big pile up on the M6,
so I could do them and Queen.
310
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,120
While I hate to interrupt-
Please, please interrupt.
311
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,240
So yeah, so I'll cut to the chase.
312
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,280
We need to know the lay of the land.
313
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,560
How do you get in there?
What's in it for me?
314
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,680
Well we don't show
this muck to the police.
315
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,160
Uh-oh!
316
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,760
Gimme that.
Hide that mate.
317
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,320
That's blackmail!
Oh I mean that's exactly what it is.
318
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,000
Yep that's blackmail.
That's blackmail. He says like that.
319
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,880
Gotcha.
Alright. What do you need?
320
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,360
How the fuck do we get
in the coroners?
321
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,480
Senior Care.
322
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,520
I'm sorry, what now?
Senior Care.
323
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,320
It's a charity shop - there's one
right opposite the Coroner.
324
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,920
I got a job volunteering.
325
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:57,280
They are a lovely bunch,
but clueless when it comes to tech.
326
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,040
So I offered to
'upgrade their security'.
327
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,400
I add a camera,
point it at the coroners
328
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,160
and stream the entrance code
only to me.
329
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,800
Oh he's clever.
You've gotta give him that.
330
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,160
He's clever.
A freak!
331
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,760
Then just wait for them to go home
and I can come and go as I please.
332
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,800
Go and cum as you please,
in your case.
333
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,920
Cos of the- Looking at all the-
334
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,720
No! That's perverse!
335
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,440
I'm only in it for the art.
336
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,360
What your saying that
we can still get in the front?
337
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,560
Well technically, yeah.
338
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,160
What if we got a van with
a sliding-door,
339
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,200
park it up close to the entrance-
Err uhum.
340
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,520
It's pedestrianised,
the high street.
341
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,400
You can't get a vehicle down there
without a key from the council.
342
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,960
Err what if we walked it out?
343
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,080
Shut up Mick, please.
Don't be a twat, Mick.
344
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,600
Stop Mick.
Don't be a twat Mick.
345
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,080
Not you!
You fucking circus act.
346
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,240
Hang on. Hang On.
347
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,040
The body gets handed over to the
family on November 1st, right?
348
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,160
What you getting at?
349
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,480
So, if your gonna have any chance
walking a dead body down
350
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,360
the main street,
on any night of the year.
351
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,480
Oh...
It's the night before that.
352
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:55,880
Halloween.
Halloween.
353
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,240
Cos of the costumes and all that.
Yeah, yeah we've got it.
354
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,840
This is mad, you know.
Like proper mad.
355
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:09,160
I mean it's been years.
Yeah. A long time... long time.
356
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,000
Right. When did you get back?
357
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,720
Well, just a few days ago.
Right.
358
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,720
What the hell are you
doing in Ramlington?
359
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,320
I have a friend here.
360
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:19,680
Well why didn't you just call?
361
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,720
I mean you could have just come
and stayed with us.
362
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,200
No, no, no — I would have...
didn't wanna bother you, y'know-
363
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,600
Dad, you'd be no bother.
364
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,440
No, I'm only here for a few weeks.
365
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,160
Right, OK. And so, what?
366
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,560
You weren't gonna call me?
367
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:38,960
No, no! I was- I would've-
It's just that erm...
368
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,240
Just what?
369
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:45,880
What?
370
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,520
Well, I'm...
371
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,080
..ill.
372
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,520
I'm ill.
373
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,840
I thought his dad lived in India?
374
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,200
Oh shit, is that racist?
Am I a racist?
375
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,360
No, he does.
376
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,360
He went there for work when JJ
was like 18/19.
377
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,480
Y'know there's the odd phone call,
birthday cards, but otherwise.
378
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,720
And that was the last time
he saw him?
379
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,880
In the flesh - yeah. I think so.
380
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:20,280
Wow, to do that to your own kid?
Like, I mean they're a part of you.
381
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,880
Oh yeah alright, whatever.
382
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,320
Oh you soppy cow!
383
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,240
Oh shit.
What?
384
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,680
Oh for fuck sake!
385
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:38,240
This is the most shit
I have ever seen in my entire life.
386
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,480
And my dad owns a farm.
387
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,080
Oh. Made yourself a bit
of room have you?
388
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,680
And I still have my British
passport, so, you know,
389
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,080
err 'good old NHS'.
390
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,440
They've got a great department up
in, erm...
391
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,240
Lancaster?
The kidneys.
392
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,200
I thought you said it was liver?
It just made sense to come back.
393
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,920
For a bit.
Just until they get on top of it.
394
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,240
Right.
395
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,160
Is someone going to be paying
for these?
396
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,920
Oh, Alright Faz!
I didn't see you there.
397
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,960
I didn't know they were with you.
Yeah, they're ehm...
398
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,160
Yeah.
Sorry, Alan, hiyah.
399
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,800
Err Alan. Jehan. Jehan. Alan.
400
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:19,800
I'm JJ. I'm his son.
401
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,080
Oh. I didn't know he had another.
402
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,040
Does Pam know?
Sorry?
403
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,000
Dad?
404
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,840
Aw. That takes me back.
405
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,800
I think we should take it.
406
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,600
This place.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
407
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,600
Wow. Oh my God.
408
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,280
Oh my God, you need to behave.
409
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,640
We're taking the pub!
410
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,760
Right.
411
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,280
Are you OK?
Yeah.
412
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,520
Actually no. No, I'm not OK.
413
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,560
Because it's all just
one big fucking lie.
414
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,440
What is?
Everything. The job.
415
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,680
Mumbai. Fucking cancer.
What? What cancer?
416
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:15,960
There is no fucking cancer.
417
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,880
He's been living here this whole
fucking time with his other family.
418
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,800
So... yeah. It's just all
one big fucking lie.
419
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,000
Were still taking the pub, yeah?
Mum!
420
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,640
What.
421
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,000
Oh God!
422
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,080
Right. Hear ye. Hear ye.
For this, is my fucking plan.
423
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,600
First things first. I'm gonna lay
on a Halloween Party here.
424
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,160
We're all gonna get into
our various Halloween attire.
425
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,560
Do as you will, dealers choice
and so on and so forth.
426
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,240
Then were gonna find ourselves in
photos, providing us with our what?
427
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,760
Alibi's.
Well done Ashley, very good.
428
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,800
Then we're gonna bundle ourselves
into the van.
429
00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:00,000
No, no, plug-in Hybrid.
So reliable, but still green.
430
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:04,000
Well, like it's red.
But it's green.
431
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,760
I think we've got enough,
shut the fuck up.
432
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,880
We're gonna park the van
in Castle Road.
433
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,920
Then were gonna promenade down
the high street
434
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,720
just like a gang of lads just having
a hard on
435
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,120
or a fucking Halloween night out.
436
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,760
Then were gonna get into
the Coroner's,
437
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,960
and then were gonna steal
Quigley's lifeless corpse.
438
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,760
And then covertly get into
the fucking van.
439
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,320
From the van to the pub,
from the pub
440
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,560
we're gonna give the dead body to
Davey... and he can do-
441
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,680
I don't know what the fuck
he wants to do here.
442
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:25,920
Any questions?
443
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:30,120
Ashley.Thank you.
Err what is Wanksy doing here?
444
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,080
For the last time, I don't wank!
445
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,040
What, what, like ever at home.
446
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,760
I mean if anything
that's even weirder.
447
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,480
Alright. Alright. Alright.
448
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,040
See, this chap knows the way down
there like the back of his
449
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,960
very well moisturised hand.
Yes I do.
450
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,760
So he's coming with, OK?
451
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:47,920
What about a hard on?
452
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,760
Ask him there,
does he get a hard on?
453
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,600
Do you get a hard on?
Do you get a hard on?
454
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,560
# Otis Redding:
You Don't Miss Your Water #
455
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,240
# In the beginning
456
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,160
# You really loved me, oh
457
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,560
# I was too blind- #
458
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,680
Fuck!!
459
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,720
Shitting hell!
What the fuck, Liz?!
460
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,280
They've refused my fucking license!
461
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:15,480
What? Why??
462
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,840
'Previous judgements against you
make you an unsuitable candidate
463
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,600
for- what... It's just one little
Drunk and Disorderly.
464
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,840
Oh, oh no and another one.
465
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,360
But I've changed. I'm functioning.
466
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,480
I clearly put functioning!
467
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,840
What if I were to get it?
468
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,200
The license, I mean.
469
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,240
It only needs to be one of us,
right?
470
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,480
Would you do that?
471
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,000
Yeah. Of course.
472
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,480
Oh sweetheart!
473
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,800
Come here for a big-
Ah mum.
474
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,920
Ooh, that's a torque wrench
as well actually.
475
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,360
But this one has got
a little click-clutch,
476
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,000
but it's similar in principle to
the beam type that you saw earlier.
477
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,240
Yes it is.
478
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,520
Yes it is you cheeky bugger.
Right, what else have we got?
479
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,400
We've got some...
Knockerty, knock.
480
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,600
We're closed.
481
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:15,800
I just wanted to explain.
482
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,080
'You're a lying prick', job done.
Fuck off.
483
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,280
It was a different time, Jehan.
484
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:25,960
Are you kidding me?!
485
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,160
It was 2010! Alright. We were like,
on what? The fifth Fast and Furious!
486
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,320
Your mother and I were
in trouble long before that.
487
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,880
Her parents wouldn't let
her divorce.
488
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,320
So you fucked off to Ramlington
with your bit on the side, eh.
489
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:42,600
No, no, never-
It was never, Pam came after.
490
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,240
You gotta understand,
I was put under a lot of pressure.
491
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,800
That's bollocks. You know Nani's
been dead for ten years.
492
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,720
You could have come in here at
any point
493
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,200
and had the awkward conversation,
494
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,360
but it was just easier for you,
to keep me in the past.
495
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,800
So you could carry on playing happy
families with Pam and all
496
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,680
your wonderful fucking kids, right.
497
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,200
Just the one. Navid.
498
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,160
He's 13.
499
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,120
This must be Sonny.
No.
500
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,000
No, no, no,
he's none of your damn business.
501
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,120
Is what he is.
502
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,240
Do you know of all the shit that
I've had to deal with,
503
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,200
because I didn't have no fucker
to look after me,
504
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,840
he's the one thing I've done right.
So, if you think after 15 years
505
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,800
of fuck all, you're just
gonna waltz back in here
506
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,680
when I've finally got my shit
together
507
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,840
and play 'uncle-fucking-dad', you've
got another thing coming alright!
508
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,880
What does 'uncle-fucking-dad'-?
509
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,600
I don't know! OK.
It just means, fuck off!
510
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,320
Just fuck off, back to
your other fucking family
511
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,440
and stop making me say 'fuck'
in front of my son,
512
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:34,960
which I fucking hate.
513
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,000
Does he know about me?
514
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,680
I don't want another son
hating me like you do.
515
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:04,560
Hey. Hey, hey, come here.
516
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,520
Dad's sorry he said 'fuck', OK.
517
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,320
# The Specials: Ghost Town #
518
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,320
There we go, lovely. Fucking 'ell.
519
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,880
Everywhere.
520
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,640
Left side down a bit, Lizabeth.
There's a good witch.
521
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,600
Thank you Count Twat-cula.
522
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,840
Oh I vant to drink your bloo-
523
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,000
Fuck.
524
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,800
You said you were coming
as Freddie Kruger!
525
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,120
Yeah, this was dead cheap.
Yeah, I know it's cheap, mate.
526
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,040
I know it were cheap.
Why do you think I got it?
527
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,880
Oh shitting 'ell.
What?
528
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,520
If it was dead cheap.
What's up, bludder-suckers?
529
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,000
Right, brilliant. Yeah.
Very inconspicuous, this isn't it.
530
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,600
All going to Jan's
fucking party shop!
531
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,200
Can't wait to rob a corpse in the
high street, looking like this.
532
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,160
Should I go home and change?
No mate, no, no, no
533
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,160
cos it's too late, in't it.
So just I don't know,
534
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,800
fucking blend in or somert.
535
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,280
Oh, oh happy day,
another fucking Vampire.
536
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,040
What? No - I'm Nick Cave.
537
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,400
Oh...
Who's that?
538
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,440
It's your man off Con Air.
Oh right. Yeah.
539
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,200
Oh sorry.
540
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,520
Nice outfit.
You too.
541
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,280
I'm on my way to work.
Ahh.
542
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:33,880
Oh that's not good.
543
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,760
Probably start again in a minute.
544
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,360
Yeah.
Yeah.
545
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:41,720
So where do you work?
546
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:44,880
A&E.
547
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,480
Oh God,
well that'll be busy tonight.
548
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,800
Chaos.
549
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:54,560
Oh shit. There's no signal...
550
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,280
It's not starting up again, is it?
551
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,880
Why the fuck is there
no signal in here?
552
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,000
Oh I'm sure it's gonna
start again any minute.
553
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,400
What? No!
554
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:08,680
Oh my God.
555
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:11,760
Oh.
556
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:14,440
What the fuck was that?
WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0
557
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:22,400
# Rockwell: Somebody's watching me #
558
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:30,120
# I always feel like
somebody's watching me
559
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,520
# And I have no privacy
560
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,520
# I always feel like
somebody's watching me...
561
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,800
Pint please, Liz.
Alright.
562
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,160
Oh, come as a Wolfman have yer?
563
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,960
No, I've come as you, you cunt.
564
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,640
Alright. Fucking hell..
565
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,240
You not dressing up Jim?
566
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,320
I am fucking dressed up.
I'm that cunt from Jaws.
567
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,600
He didn't have a beard?
I know.
568
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,600
But if I shave this fucker off,
569
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,240
I'll spend all night
fighting off minge.
570
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:57,520
Hey.
571
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,200
You might well fucking laugh,
but I tell you,
572
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,440
last time I was clean shaven,
573
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:07,080
I had women all over me, like ants
on a dropped fucking lolly.
574
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:08,720
As if.
Bollocks.
575
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,840
Oh well fuckin' 'ell. There you go!
576
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,880
Have a look at that, fucker.
577
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:19,200
Oh wow. Jesus. Fair play to you Jim.
578
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,400
Fucking told ya.
579
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:25,440
This itchy bastard is hiding
some prime fucking real estate.
580
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,640
Jesus fuckin' Christ Shirley!
Fucking 'ell!
581
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,160
How'd you know it was me?
Because you stink of sheep,
582
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,360
you Tutankhamun cunt.
583
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:36,680
Who's that?
584
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:43,880
# I always feel like
somebody's watching me
585
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,600
# And I have no privacy...
586
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,960
What have you come has,
or is this just like you?
587
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,120
I'm a psychotic undertaker.
588
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,240
Right, so you then.
Come on, get in the photo.
589
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,480
There we go. Try and look
as though you're enjoying your life.
590
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,880
Ahah. Oh hello there.
Great right, that's our alibi.
591
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:03,840
Now let us go and find a Porn Baron!
592
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:05,840
Just try to stay calm.
593
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,240
I'm sorry, I need to get out of
here. I can't be in here.
594
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,640
It's too small. I can't get locked
in here. I can't breathe.
595
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,440
I'm no good in small spaces,
I can't do this.
596
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,440
It's OK, you're having
a panic attack. Breathe.
597
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:15,800
I can't-
Follow me.
598
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,760
Hello, can I help?
599
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:19,840
Oh my God. Yes! Hi. Hi. Err yeah.
600
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,200
We're trapped in a lift
in the Waverly Building.
601
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,560
Ah. Fuck off!
602
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,200
Blackpool?
Yeah! Can you release us, please?
603
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,280
I can't. I'm in Birmingham.
Can you send someone else then?
604
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,840
Like who?
A fucking engineer!
605
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,680
Yeah. OK.
606
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,920
Bear with us,
I'll just give him a call.
607
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:41,640
Fucking hell.
Ignore it.
608
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,800
What if it's wife?
Oh my God, ignore it!
609
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,720
Fucking tense bitch. Come on. Yes.
610
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,160
Wow.
No fucking way.
611
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:58,160
Yeah. I had a crew cut for years.
Why did you shave it off?
612
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,240
Err it was err,
too abrasive on the headboards.
613
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,000
Err any chance of a straw?
614
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:08,360
Yeah. Help yourself.
615
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,040
You look a right cunt.
616
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:12,520
Yeah.
617
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,560
Oh hello. Yeah. Go on get out of it.
618
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,320
Right were in. Were in. Come on.
619
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,120
Right Meena, you keep a lookout.
620
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,160
# Mr Sandman
621
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:46,680
# Bring me a dream
622
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,920
# Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen...
623
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:52,080
No.
624
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:54,760
No.
625
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,040
No.
626
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:00,000
# Tell him that his lonesome nights
are over...
627
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:02,960
Found him.
Found him.
628
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,600
Found him.
Let's have a look.
629
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,440
Fucking hell, you are kidding me.
Bollocks.
630
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,600
Fucking identical. Like brothers.
631
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,800
Toe tags! Toe tags!
Toe tags.
632
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,440
Go on Mick.
Toe tags.
633
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,760
Ah Bingo. 'Amos Quigley'!
634
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,800
Good man. Which fella's that off?
635
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:26,760
Err...
You are fucking kidding me!
636
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,600
Jesus Christ Michael!
637
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:32,120
He's got more going on upstairs than
you, and he's a fucking corpse.
638
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,320
Maybe that one!
Fucking cunt.
639
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,280
'Distinguishing features'?
640
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,560
Yes Davey. You know
distinguishing features.
641
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:44,000
Fucking 'ell, these teeth!
Like a scar or a birthmark.
642
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,520
Right well. He did start out on
the other side of the camera,
643
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,080
if you know what I mean.
644
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,320
No, I don't know what you mean.
645
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:56,480
Oh Thomas, what I am saying
is before he was big in porn,
646
00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:00,640
ooh... he was big... in porn.
647
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,160
Oh...
Quite.
648
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,240
Absolutely fucking not.
649
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:08,480
Fine, Michael.
650
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:09,800
Yeah, no I'm the driver,
651
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,040
I do not investigate
fucking dead penises.
652
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,560
Not a chance. Fucking Wet Greg this
is your bread and butter.
653
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,480
Come on.No. No nudity unless
it was the artist's intention.
654
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,440
No nudity unless it was
the artist's intention.
655
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,400
You do it every day.
No way. No way.
656
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,040
You have seen many dicks.
Fine!I have boundaries.
657
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:28,920
Oh si a benya. Bloody Christ Alive.
What the hell is that.
658
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,320
Christ it's making my eyes water
a little bit looking at it.
659
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:35,000
Standard.
And that- that's him in a fridge.
660
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,000
Do you know what I mean,
impressive?!
661
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,880
Right, let's take Anus for a walk.
662
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:43,000
# Jack White: I'm Shakin' #
663
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,600
Here we go.
Nothing to see here folks.
664
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,040
Heavy dead bastard.
665
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,440
Right, get him in there.
Jesus.
666
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,480
Is he in?
Fuck, it's come out!
667
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,040
The beast is unleashed!
668
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,880
Yeah, but it's still a muff.
669
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,720
No, not if they shave it.
670
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,880
The muff is the hair.
671
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,080
No, the muff is the muff.
672
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,320
Oh you daft cunt.
673
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,760
Fuck. What are you serving here?
674
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,280
It's the straw. It makes it go
straight to your head.
675
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,200
Everyone knows that.
Well I didn't!
676
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,840
Here, giz a fucking straw!
677
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,280
Right, come on, bring him through.
Nothing to see here.
678
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:34,640
Don't worry about that.
679
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,480
Go on, stick him in the corner,
that's it, good work.
680
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,160
Elizabeth, sweetheart, love,
birthday cakes, angel,
681
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,720
do me a favour, would you just crank
up the air-conditioning,
682
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,840
right to fucking max.
Almost like it's a morgue.
683
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,320
Right, I'm gonna send it to Davey.
Now et Voila.
684
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,080
Done it? Piece of piss that is.
The drinks are on me.
685
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,000
The drinks are on Tommo!
No! No! No!
686
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,600
Not for you.
I meant for them three! Fuck off!
687
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,520
Oh hello?
688
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,800
Err bit of a problem.
What?
689
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,640
The on call guy isn't answering.
690
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:47,240
Well he's not very on-call if he's
not fucking answering, is he!
691
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,840
Just- just keep try him please!
Just keep trying.
692
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,640
Fuck.
Think of something calm.
693
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,640
Can't!
Something that calms you.
694
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,000
My son. My son.
695
00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,760
What's his name?
Tyler.
696
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,720
OK. OK. Think of Tyler.
697
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,560
No, it's not working.
It's not working.
698
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,800
Someone else.
Who makes you feel calm?
699
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,920
That's it. You've got someone.
700
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:16,680
Phew....Yeah. Yeah.
701
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,440
Vinnie.
Is he your fella?
702
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,560
No, no, it's just if I called him
he'd know what to do.
703
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,600
Hey. Birmingham.
Can you call someone for us?
704
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,960
Call someone?
Yeah. We need to speak to Vinnie.
705
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,480
# The Automatic: Monster #
706
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,440
# What's that coming over the hill?
707
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:38,680
# Is it a monster? Is it a monster?
708
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:41,560
Ah, there you are.
709
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,520
Right well listen, I spoke
to whatsherface,
710
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,600
she said we can get into
The Queen Liz by end of the-
711
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,520
Mum. I got turned down.
For the license.
712
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,160
Public Indecency, 2014.
713
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,160
Public-? What did you do?
714
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,800
Nothing I wanna discuss with my mum.
Oh fuck...
715
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,560
Can we ask JJ?
Not with all that drugs shit? No.
716
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,760
Well I mean, it's only paperwork.
717
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,360
Whoever gets the license don't have
to actually run the place.
718
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,320
They just have to say
they run the place.
719
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:06,960
Like a silent partner?
Yeah.
720
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,160
They just have to have
their application accepted.
721
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,400
I mean we could ask...
722
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,440
Why is everybody that we know
a total fucking reprobate?
723
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:22,200
So I said, there's no point checking
for TB now,
724
00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:24,480
we've fucking eaten half of it'.
725
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:29,040
Fucking state of you.
726
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,160
Ya lightweight cunt...
727
00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:37,080
Oh, right. Quick piss.
728
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:38,840
Then I better get you home...
729
00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:44,200
# Stevie Wonder: Superstition #
730
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:57,000
Oh. Alright yes, you fucking
turncoat! That it, is it?
731
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,560
Are you gonna set yourself up
in competition against me?
732
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,360
It's thirty fucking miles away.
733
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,080
Not the point mate!
What about err loyalty eh?
734
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,080
What loyalty to you?!
Yes.
735
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,960
I'll tell you what,
you're a shitty boss y'know.
736
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:10,960
Ow?!
You're- you're shouty,
737
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,800
you're- you're petty, you're weird,
738
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,480
I do all the work round here
for your shitty money!
739
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:20,400
Anything else.
Ooh. Sorry. Quick staff meeting.
740
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,440
Go on, carry on. Anymore?
741
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:24,920
No, anyway it doesn't matters,
742
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,480
because I didn't get the license,
so fucking 'ell.
743
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,440
Seems like society doesn't
understand the meaning of
744
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,360
the word functioning!
745
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,320
God knows how a dodgy little bastard
like you got one!
746
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:37,760
OK, alright Elizabeth.
747
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,160
Erm first things first,
I'm pretty sure that err,
748
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,360
terms like that in reference
to your manager is in fact
749
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,720
breach of contract.
Well I haven't got a contract, so.
750
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,480
I should... probably sort that,
erm secondly,
751
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,600
if you own the lease,
you don't need a license-
752
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,040
You do need a license!
No you don't!
753
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:54,280
Yes you do.
OK.
754
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,480
If you wanna serve alcohol, you do.
OK.
755
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:57,880
Elizabeth, I hate saying this,
756
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:01,440
but I have in fact now run two
successful nighttime establishments,
757
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,200
OK, so I'm quite confident
when I say that,
758
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:07,000
if you own the lease,
you don't a lic- Do you?
759
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,640
Yeah.Very much so.
Pretty sure you do.It's vital.
760
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:11,360
It's vital.
Oh dear,
761
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,560
looks like we're both a bit fucked,
don't it.
762
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,400
Let's hope no one tells on you.
763
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:20,760
But...
Sugar? Come on.
764
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:29,520
Oh fuck.
765
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,880
Fuck.
766
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,240
Anus didn't have hair.
767
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,000
No! That's the wrong one,
that's Shirley!
768
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,240
That's not Quigley-
Oh my fucking nose!
769
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,680
Where- where's Quigley gone?!
770
00:38:56,720 --> 00:38:59,160
What the fuck.
I thought Jim had took you home?
771
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,600
It's my fucking road too!
772
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,120
Oh fuck.
He's got the wrong fucking mummy!
773
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:05,200
What?
774
00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:08,560
Jim, he's drunk-driving
with a stolen corpse!
775
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,440
Thomas!
Go and get him then!
776
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,960
# The Hives:
Hate to Say I Told You So #
777
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,720
Oh fucking hell.
778
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,920
Lucky fucking rabbit, you are.
Oh fuck.
779
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:27,120
Where you fucking going on holiday
this year. The fucking pyramids?
780
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,800
Fuck off, knob head!
781
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:39,600
Oh for fuck sake!
See what you've fucking done now?
782
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,920
You fucking He-man cunt.
783
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:46,200
Leave the talking to me, yeah.
Fucking keep it shut.
784
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:56,760
Oh bollocks.
What do we do now?
785
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,400
Well, go to prison
is the usual procedure.
786
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,280
Keep schtum.
I'm gonna course in diplomacy.
787
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:08,400
Alright Jim?
What the fuck is it this time?
788
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,280
What is it every time?
You're pissed.
789
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,080
Am I fuck.
790
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,960
Jim, I can smell it on your-
791
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:15,800
Is he alright?
792
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:20,200
He's just wankered.
Can he breathe through all that?
793
00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:23,120
Hey, what are you, his mummy?
794
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,680
Just take that shit
off his face will you.
795
00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:27,320
Oh for fuck's sake.
796
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,960
Fuck!
797
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,120
Just... drive careful!
798
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,840
Oscar Zulu One-Seven,
assistance required.
799
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:42,240
Me drive careful?
You've just lost your fucking door!
800
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,560
Jim!
Ooh fuck.
801
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:45,920
Get in the back!
802
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:49,080
You taking us home?
I'm not a fucking Uber?
803
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,640
Thank fuck for that.
804
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,480
Oh fuck off.
805
00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:58,560
Hello?
Are you Vinnie?
806
00:40:58,600 --> 00:40:59,760
Who's asking?
807
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,360
Your friend Erin is stuck in a lift,
and she wants to speak to you.
808
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,280
Erin, what's going on.
Are you alright?
809
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,680
No Vin. No, I'm stuck.
810
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,680
In a lift. And the lights keep
fucking flickering.
811
00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:12,120
Alright, look just listen.
812
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,480
You've been in worst positions
than this haven't yer, eh?
813
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,040
No.You got locked in
a cage with fucking lion.
814
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:20,360
She's been having panic attacks.
815
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,960
Oh hello. Who's that?
Alex, I'm here with your friend.
816
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,920
She's been really kind.
She's been helping me breathe.
817
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,600
Erin, what's going on sweetheart,
are you OK?
818
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:30,720
No.
819
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,280
It's since the coach Vin. Look,
820
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:39,760
I haven't told you, but I keep
getting really, really bad anxiety.
821
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:41,400
Right well it's-
I mean that's normal.
822
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,600
That's natural.
We all nearly fucking died.
823
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,240
No, Vin. I mean it,
like really, really bad.
824
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:48,880
And I just keep thinking like...
825
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:52,560
First it was Dylan, then the coach.
What's next?
826
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:55,360
Well they say things come
in three's.
827
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,440
Well, yeah they do...
828
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:00,120
But I mean there'll be a bloody sell
by date on that, won't there,
829
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,000
things come in fucking
three's I mean Christ?
830
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,160
I just don't want anything
else bad to happen.
831
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,760
Sweetheart.
Nothing else bad is gonna happen.
832
00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:14,080
I'm all dressed up for Halloween.
833
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,040
Halloween always reminds me of
when I found out I was pregnant.
834
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:23,200
I remember err...
835
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,680
..walking down to the shops...
in shock.
836
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:29,880
Sat down on this bench...
837
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:34,400
..and Frankenstein come
and sat next to me.
838
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,040
He saw that I was crying.
839
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,360
And he said it'll all be OK.
840
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:41,520
And it was.
841
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,240
You know,
I didn't think I wanted a baby.
842
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,440
That boy,
has bonded us for life Vin.
843
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,360
And I want you to be
in his life forever,
844
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,200
and I don't want anything-
anything bad to happen.
845
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:00,960
Listen.
846
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:04,800
Nothing else bad's gonna happen
sweetheart for God's sake it's-
847
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,280
Life's been good. We've been fucking
seizing every day out 'ere.Vin.
848
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,200
You're my best friend.
849
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:14,840
You've always had my back.
850
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:24,200
And in another universe,
you, me and Tyler...
851
00:43:25,720 --> 00:43:28,480
..would be together
like a normal family.
852
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,760
I wish I could find that universe,
love.
853
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:37,120
Yeah me too.
854
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,680
Listen, I'll say it,
just so it's said.
855
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,000
Erin.
Hmm.
856
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:47,800
I love you.
857
00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:55,000
I love you.
And I love- I love Tyler.
858
00:43:56,280 --> 00:44:00,280
And I know I don't sound very brave
now, but I'll always help you,
859
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,000
if ever need me.
860
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:06,600
If you ever get stuck in
a lift again, y'know I just...
861
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,200
I just want to be
the one that you ring?
862
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:14,280
Do you promise?
863
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:18,600
Yeah, I promise.
864
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,600
One sec.
The lift engineer's calling.
865
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,760
I'll put you on hold.
Thank God.
866
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,040
Why not this universe?
867
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,920
Oh thank God. Oh God my heart.
My heart. My heart. My heart.
868
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,720
Right.
There you very much go love.
869
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:01,600
Thank you Thomas.
It's alright. Actually looks err...
870
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,240
looks quite peaceful there,
don't he.
871
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,760
Not for long.
872
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:07,280
Oh, oh fucking hell Davey,
alright, do you know what?
873
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,680
Reckon I've got somert I could just
be getting on with-
874
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:11,440
Oh fuck it.
I'm just gonna say it, mate.
875
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:12,640
I'm sorry,
876
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:16,840
but do you think maybe it's possible
that even by your standards,
877
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,680
you've gone to
a slightly weird place.
878
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:22,360
No offence! No offence!
No offence meant.
879
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,920
Right, I just mean, do you think
lately cooped up in here,
880
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:26,560
you're going a bit fucking nuts eh?
881
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,400
I've no other option,
do I sweetheart?!
882
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,680
Well what I'm saying is,
maybe you do, maybe it's time
883
00:45:30,720 --> 00:45:32,920
that you spoke to Joey Kittens.
Yes, I've tried that.
884
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,560
Maybe, maybe we broker a truce,
how's about that? Clear the air.
885
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,520
And speaking of which, have you
thought about popping open a window?
886
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:41,040
Cause it does sort of... stink.
887
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:43,000
I'll think about it.
888
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,320
The window or-?
The meeting.
889
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:45,760
Meeting.Thomas.
Oh yes.
890
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,080
Now, if you do not mind,
891
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:51,000
Mr Quigley and I have got
some catching up to do.
892
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:54,440
In honour of my brother.
No, you knock yourself out.
893
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,200
I tell you what just err, put a
sheet down, before yeah butcher-
894
00:45:57,240 --> 00:45:58,400
Ah OK.
895
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:05,080
Oh I've been looking forward
to this, Anus. For a long time...
896
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,440
What a shame
that our Barry's not here.
897
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:11,400
Hmm. Oh he'd be saying...
898
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:15,240
Well, he was man of few words,
as you know.
899
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,760
But deceptively adept at word games.
900
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:24,280
Those tiny tiles in those big hands.
901
00:46:26,240 --> 00:46:27,560
Rare talent that...
902
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,400
Rare talent.
903
00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:03,640
Jehan err... How did you err..?
Tony at the pub.
904
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,800
Listen, don't worry, I'm not here to
tell him his dad's a spineless liar,
905
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,160
I know how that feels.
I need something.
906
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,840
And seeing as you haven't given me
anything, my entire adult life,
907
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:14,400
you are gonna give it to me.
908
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:16,480
What?
909
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:17,720
A signature.
910
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:22,640
License to sell alcohol?
911
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,440
Yeah. Yeah. It was just err...
912
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,640
you know a little something
I need for my family.
913
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,280
What if it goes all tit's up?Yeah.
It's a fucking worry, isn't it.
914
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:31,120
I mean, you don't really
know if you trust me.
915
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:32,920
You don't really know what
sort of a man I am.
916
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:34,440
Who's fucking fault is that?
917
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:38,480
# Ask yourself if you are happy
918
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,160
# And then you'll cease to be...
919
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,080
Did, alright.
920
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,400
I'm lost for words.
921
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:55,440
Aye. Well look erm...
Thank you for everything and erm.
922
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:57,160
Sorry for erm...
923
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,480
..everything.
Good luck with the Queen's Arse.
924
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:07,960
It's a bit quiet at Ramlington.
Yeah, it's a bit too quiet.
925
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:11,440
So erm, well you haven't get
a license. And I...
926
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,440
I have got a license...
927
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,920
Why don't you just pay me double,
and make me a manager -
928
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,000
and I'll run the place for you,
like...
929
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:20,960
I'll stay here.
What does... what do you think?
930
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,680
Fine.
Shake her hand then, you dozy prick!
931
00:48:30,720 --> 00:48:32,800
Right. Right.
932
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:39,680
Sorry. Think we're stuck with her.
933
00:48:39,720 --> 00:48:41,920
Ah well y'know,
there are worser things.
934
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:44,840
And you've changed your tune.
Yeah, well y'know...
935
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:45,920
It's family.
936
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:49,080
Right, who wants a drink?
They're on the house!
937
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,760
Fucking hell! No Elizabeth.
938
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,960
Oh my God!
I think he just said something.
939
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,280
What?! What did he say?!
I think, he might have said 'mum'
940
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,600
or something.
941
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,880
Fuck.
942
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:06,080
Brilliant.
943
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:14,600
# James Brown: I Feel Good #
944
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,520
Dismember.
# I feel good
945
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,320
# I knew that I would now
946
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:23,560
# I feel good
What?
947
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:30,080
Oh yes, I'll help you out
again sweetheart.
948
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:34,600
Hmmm... Well, I suppose we
could erm,
949
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,240
turn... the... tables.
950
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:45,880
What? On Joey Kittens?
951
00:49:56,640 --> 00:50:00,000
Davey and Kittens
are gonna fucking meet, finally.
952
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:05,760
Just like the last supper.
953
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:11,240
But which one of you is
Judas Iscariot.
954
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:21,600
What the fuck have you done man!
955
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:39,320
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