All language subtitles for The Big C (2010) S03E03 Bundle of Joy

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,008 PREVIOUSLY ON THE BIG C... 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,510 DAD HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 3 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:12,745 I AM A BLOGGER. 4 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,279 I FEEL THE NEED TO WRITE IT ALL DOWN 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,314 WHILE IT'S STILL FRESH. 6 00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,549 I MEAN, I SAW THE LIGHT. 7 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,318 DO YOU THINK PRAYING REALLY DOES ANYTHING? 8 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,387 I'M THINKING ABOUT CHECKING OUT A BIBLE GROUP. 9 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:22,855 - I'M JESSE. - ADAM. 10 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,156 I WANT YOU TO BE MY WIFE. 11 00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:26,492 MYK IS ONLY USING YOU TO GET A GREEN CARD. 12 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:29,828 HOW DARE YOU SAY THIS TO ME ON MY GODDAMN WEDDING DAY?! 13 00:00:29,829 --> 00:00:32,464 HELLO? NO. NO, BUDDY. YOU GOT THE WRONG NUMBER. 14 00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:33,832 YOU KNOW I DON'T PAY $4.99 A MINUTE 15 00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,834 TO JUST HAVE ANYONE LICK MY BALLS. 16 00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:39,238 THE BUSINESS IS NOW BACK UP AND RUNNING. 17 00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,840 WILL THAT BE VISA OR AMERICAN EXPRESS? 18 00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:43,609 YOUR TUMORS ARE CONTINUING TO SHRINK. 19 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,244 HELL, YEAH! 20 00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:46,779 SO I HAVE MORE TIME? 21 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:47,913 THERE'S NOT A PERIOD AT THE END 22 00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:49,114 OF YOUR SENTENCE ANYMORE. 23 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:52,152 I LOVE IT. 24 00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,231 ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪ 25 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:11,204 ♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪ 26 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,240 ♪ STEP OUT ♪ 27 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:18,078 ♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪ 28 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,451 ♪ IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? ♪ 29 00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:30,255 ♪ WILL SOMEONE WAKE ME UP SOON? ♪ 30 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:35,627 ♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAYED ♪ 31 00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:39,666 ♪ CALLED LIFE ♪ 32 00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,582 HONEY, WHY ARE YOU TAGGING THE LIVING ROOM? 33 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,784 I HATE THIS WALL COLOR. ALWAYS HAVE. 34 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,185 I THOUGHT YOU LOVED THIS COLOR. 35 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,954 NO, IT WAS ON SALE, WHICH SHOULD'VE BEEN A CLUE. 36 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:05,691 THING IS, I--I THOUGHT I HAD LOST THE TIME, YOU KNOW, 37 00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,326 TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO COULD GO OUT 38 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,728 AND BUY THE COLORS 39 00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,029 AND TRY THEM OUT, 40 00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:13,298 PICK ONE AND THEN ACTUALLY PAINT THE ROOM. 41 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,400 YOU KNOW, IT JUST SEEMED SO-- 42 00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:16,768 CLINICALLY FUCKING INSANE. 43 00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:19,138 NO, SOMETHING THAT HEALTHY PEOPLE DO. 44 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,907 BUT YOU SEE, NOW I HAVE THE TIME. 45 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,408 I AM LOUSY WITH TIME. 46 00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:24,810 I MEAN, I MIGHT JUST REDO THE WHOLE HOUSE. 47 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,278 BY THE TIME I GET TO THE ATTIC, 48 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,113 I MIGHT FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. 49 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,782 HONEY, WE BOTH JUST CHEATED DEATH. 50 00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,251 CAN'T WE JUST RELAX? 51 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,019 YOU KNOW, EAT BONBONS, GO TO DISNEYLAND? 52 00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:37,489 FUCKING ALEC BALDWIN. 53 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:41,827 "TOMORROW'S VALENTINE'S DAY. 54 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,795 WON'T YOU HELP ME GET MY ONE MILLIONTH FOLLOWER?" 55 00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:45,330 HOW THE FUCK DOES HE DO THAT? 56 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,832 I HAVE SEVEN FOLLOWERS, 57 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,100 AND I'M RELATED TO HALF OF THEM. 58 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,501 HE IS FAMOUS, PAUL. 59 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,870 YES, BUT WAS HE CLINICALLY DEAD FOR THREE MINUTES? 60 00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,872 SO THIS IS YOUR BIGGER PURPOSE IN LIFE, 61 00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:55,874 TO GET MORE TWITS THAN ALEC BALDWIN? 62 00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:57,276 TWEETS. 63 00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:58,977 MAYBE YOU SHOULD PICK UP A PAINTBRUSH, START PAINTING. 64 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,479 GOTTA FINISH MY BLOG. 65 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,780 DOES ALEC BALDWIN HAVE A FUCKING BLOG? 66 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,215 I HAVE NO IDEA. 67 00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:06,019 MINE'S BETTER. 68 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:15,661 WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THE LIVING ROOM? 69 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:18,130 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 70 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,364 HEART-SHAPED PANCAKES. 71 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,000 RETRO-CHEESY, BUT A CLASSIC. 72 00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,069 CAN I STAY OUT TILL 11:00 TONIGHT? 73 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,571 I'M SEEING MIA. 74 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:29,308 YES, BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT'S MIA. 75 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,744 ABABUO, THAT IS AN AWESOME OUTFIT. 76 00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:35,214 WELL, I'M NOT GONNA LET GETTING LEFT AT THE ALTAR 77 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,750 BY SOME UKRAINIAN DIPSHIT RUIN MY VALENTINE'S DAY. 78 00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:41,186 INSIDE I'M DYING. 79 00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:43,622 BUT ON THE OUTSIDE, I'M SAYING, "SEQUINS." 80 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:44,923 YOU LOOK LIKE A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT. 81 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:46,024 WELL, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. OOH, SORRY. 82 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,226 THOSE ARE MY INSIDES TALKING. 83 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,727 YEAH, WELL, 84 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:52,064 LET'S GET TO SCHOOL, ASSHOLE. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE. 85 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,298 HAPPY V. DAY, MR. J. 86 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:56,268 AND TO YOU. HAPPY V. DAY, MRS. J. 87 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,771 AND TO YOU. 88 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,844 I GOT YOU SOMETHING. 89 00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:08,580 YOU'RE GIFTING ME WITH ADULT BRACES? 90 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,916 NO, NO. 91 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:11,950 WHO'S THIS? 92 00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:14,453 JOY KLEINMAN, 93 00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:17,756 LIFE COACH, CANCER SURVIVOR, AND JOYOLOGIST. 94 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,092 JOYOLOGIST? IS THAT EVEN A WORD? 95 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,461 UNCLEAR. I READ UP ON HER ON THE INTERNET LAST NIGHT, 96 00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,696 AND... 97 00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:27,499 SHE USED HER CANCER TO COMPLETELY CHANGE HER LIFE. 98 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:31,036 AND I CAN'T KEEP PAINTING THE WALLS, PAUL. 99 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:32,104 I NEED DIRECTION. 100 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,840 I-I WANT TO BE A DIFFERENT ME NOW. 101 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,575 AND LOOK, SHE'S A LITTLE WOO-WOO, 102 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,944 BUT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE NEED A LITTLE WOO-WOO. 103 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,179 SO I GOT A SUB FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS. 104 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,415 WE'RE GOING TO HER SEMINAR UP AT THE LAKE. 105 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,717 COULD BE FUN. COULD BE CRAZY. 106 00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:47,019 BUT WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT? 107 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,253 HONEY, CAN WE AFFORD THIS? 108 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:49,955 I GOT A TWO-FOR-ONE VALENTINE'S SPECIAL. 109 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,324 OKAY, HONEY, BUT DON'T MAKE ME INTERACT WITH A CRYSTAL, OKAY? 110 00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,392 OR GO INTO A SWEAT LODGE, 111 00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:54,493 'CAUSE PEOPLE DIE IN SWEAT LODGES. 112 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,495 THEY REALLY DO. - YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE. 113 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,498 WORST-CASE SCENARIO, WE HAVE HOTEL SEX. 114 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:03,135 I'M GONNA SEE YOUR WOO-WOO? 115 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:07,506 HAPPY V. DAY, MR. J. 116 00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:11,109 YEAH, YOU GOT ME SO HOT. 117 00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:14,112 YEAH, GET IN THE TUB, BIG BOY. 118 00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,450 OH, YEAH. 119 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:21,086 OH, YOU LIKE IT IN HERE WITH WILLY, DON'T YOU? 120 00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,622 YEAH, YOU'RE GETTING HARD. 121 00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:26,058 OH, YEAH? YEAH? YOU WANT ME TO SUCK IT? 122 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,994 OKAY. 123 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,262 OH, YEAH. 124 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,331 OOH, IT'S SO BIG. 125 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,166 OH, CAN'T TAKE IT. 126 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,834 OH, YEAH. 127 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,569 OH, ARE YOU GONNA COME? 128 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:38,804 YEAH, YEAH. 129 00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:39,971 I'LL COME WITH YOU, BIG BOY. 130 00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,173 ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA COME. 131 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,875 OH, YEAH, I'M GETTING READY. 132 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,344 I'M GONNA COME. HERE I GO. 133 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,878 OH, SHIT. 134 00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:47,946 OH, GOD. OH, SHIT. 135 00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:52,351 OHH, YEAH. 136 00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:56,555 OHH. 137 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,558 YEAH. THANK YOU. 138 00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:02,928 THANKS FOR CALLING. HAVE A HOT DAY. 139 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:07,966 DID YOU JUST ORGASM WITH MY SYRUP? 140 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:11,470 I'M RUNNING A GAY PHONE SEX BUSINESS. 141 00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:13,538 GO AHEAD, JUDGE AWAY, JUDGERELLA. 142 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,574 ACTUALLY, I'M TOO STUNNED TO JUDGE. 143 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,976 WELL, WHILE YOU FORMULATE YOUR SMALL-MINDED REACTION, 144 00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,880 LET ME JUST SAY, I AM EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD AT IT. 145 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,048 I'VE FOUND MY CALLING, CATH. 146 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,816 I'M A PHONE SEX WORKER. 147 00:06:24,817 --> 00:06:28,353 HUH. I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SCHOOL JANITOR WORKER. 148 00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:30,389 GARBAGE REMOVAL KEEPS ME CENTERED. 149 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,657 CATERING TO THE FANTASIES OF A FEW GAY GUYS 150 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,360 FEEDS MY CREATIVITY AND MY POCKETBOOK. 151 00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:36,528 WAIT, ARE YOU GAY NOW? 152 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:37,896 NO, I'M JUST TALKIN' THE TALK. 153 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,432 I AIN'T, YOU KNOW, SUCKIN' THE COCK. 154 00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,702 I HAVE DRUNK FROM THE PAN-SEXUAL FOUNTAIN IN MY DAY. 155 00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,704 TURNS OUT I PREFER THE PUSSY. 156 00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:49,674 BUT THE ALMIGHTY GAY DOLLAR? STILL ACCEPTED HERE. 157 00:06:49,675 --> 00:06:51,510 ARE THESE SCROTUM-SHAPED PANCAKES? 158 00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:54,613 NO. THEY'RE HEARTS. 159 00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,782 OH, SORRY. LONG DAY AT THE ORIFICE. 160 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,750 NO, I'M BRIBING YOU TO LOOK AFTER ADAM TONIGHT. 161 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,852 I'M TAKING PAUL AWAY FOR VALENTINE'S DAY. 162 00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,120 BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE INTO SEX TRADE, 163 00:07:02,121 --> 00:07:04,189 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SHOULD BE AROUND A MINOR. 164 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,424 I'M JUST TALKING THE TALK, CATH. 165 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,892 I'M JUST TALKING THE TALK. 166 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,093 OOH, I BETTER TAKE THIS. 167 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,061 SIXTH CALLER THIS MORNING. 168 00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,597 I GUESS GAY GUYS GET REALLY LONELY ON VALENTINE'S DAY. 169 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,232 AND I PLAN ON MILKING THEM, LITERALLY, 170 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,901 FOR ALL THEY ARE WORTH. 171 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,736 HELLO. 172 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:18,937 YEAH, HEY, THIS IS WILLY. 173 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,406 HEY, YOU BEEN TO THE GYM, MAN? 174 00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,874 NO, NO, I'M NOT WEARING NOTHING. 175 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,643 I JUST GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER. 176 00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,679 YEAH, TAKE 'EM OFF. 177 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,026 THIS CRAZY JOY THINKS THAT DANCING AND JUICING 178 00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,461 CURED HER CANCER, 179 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,496 YET SHE HAS 23,000 FOLLOWERS. 180 00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:47,032 YOU PROMISED TO STAY OPEN. 181 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:49,468 OH, I'M OPEN. 182 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,670 I AM DEFINITELY OPEN... 183 00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,605 TO THIS DELIGHTFULLY LARGE BED. 184 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:55,006 IT'S HUGE! 185 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,843 OH, GOD, I LOVE A GOOD, BIG, KING-SIZED BED. 186 00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,444 IT'S LIKE BEING WRAPPED IN A CLOUD 187 00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:00,912 THAT'S STRONG ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX ON. 188 00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,481 OKAY, DON'T GET TOO COMFORTABLE. 189 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,316 WE HAVE TO BE AT A LUNCH SEMINAR IN HALF AN HOUR. 190 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,318 GIFT BAGS! 191 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,588 OOH. 192 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:11,756 "DEAR VOYAGERS, WELCOME. 193 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,658 "SO EXCITED TO START YOU ON YOUR JOURNEYS 194 00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,327 "TOWARD JOY AND FULFILLMENT. 195 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,497 "PLEASE WEAR THESE BACKPACKS AT ALL TIMES 196 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,631 "DURING YOUR STAY. 197 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:21,700 GET READY TO MEET YOUR JOY." 198 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,768 ROCKS. 199 00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:25,403 THIS IS A SUPER CRAPPY GIFT. 200 00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:27,072 HOW COME I HAVE MORE ROCKS THAN YOU DO? 201 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,473 ISN'T THE REAL QUESTION 202 00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:29,641 WHAT ARE WE DOING PAYING GOOD MONEY 203 00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:31,042 TO CARRY AROUND A BAG FULL OF ROCKS? 204 00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,377 OKAY, LOOK. 205 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:33,979 WELL, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER AFTER WE HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT. 206 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:34,980 OW. 207 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:38,216 HO--HOLY MOLY. 208 00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:40,785 OH, MY GOD. 209 00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:46,492 23,000 FUCKING FOLLOWERS. 210 00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:52,264 HEY, ABABUO. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 211 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,533 HEY. 212 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,067 HEY, ABABUO. 213 00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,536 UH, HEY! 214 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,637 HEY. 215 00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:02,040 NUMBER ONE, THIS IS ORGANIC MATERIAL, 216 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,808 AND, AS SUCH, SHOULD BE COMPOSTED. 217 00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,577 NUMBER TWO, YOUR ATTITUDE'S FOR SHIT, 218 00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:07,846 BUT YOUR OUTFIT IS THE BOMB. 219 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,848 THANKS, JANITOR MAN. 220 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,249 OOP, ROLLING CALLS. 221 00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,584 I'M SORRY. BETTER TAKE THIS. 222 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:13,785 LONG DAY AT THE OFFICE. 223 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:16,221 HAPPY HALLMARK-DRIVEN HOLIDAY, MY BOY. 224 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,756 OH, THANK YOU. 225 00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,090 HEY, ADAM. 226 00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:21,426 YOU FREE TONIGHT? I'M GOING TO A SICK CONCERT. 227 00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:24,329 UH, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I KIND OF HAVE PLANS. 228 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:27,032 OHH, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, HUH? 229 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,600 HOW'D YOU KNOW? 230 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,902 IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, DUH. 231 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,305 IF YOU HAVE PLANS, IT'S WITH A GIRLFRIEND. 232 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,739 BUT I'LL HAVE YOU HOME BY 8:00. 233 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,509 WAIT, WHAT KIND OF CONCERT ENDS AT 8:00? 234 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:40,078 OOH, SEE? YOU'RE CURIOUS. 235 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,247 YOU CAN BRING YOUR GIRLFRIEND IF YOU WANT. 236 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:45,083 UH, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I'LL JUST SEE HER AFTER. 237 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,685 COOL. I'LL DRIVE. 238 00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,653 AWESOME. OH, HEY. 239 00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:51,156 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 240 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,358 YOU DON'T WANT TO SAVE IT FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND? 241 00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:57,562 NO, NO. YOU CAN HAVE IT. 242 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,670 JUICE IS NOT FOOD. 243 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,672 WELL, AT LEAST IT EXPLAINS THE TWO-FOR-ONE PRICING. 244 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,274 YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME 245 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,343 COMING OUT AS IT DID GOING IN. 246 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,347 YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? EXACTLY. 247 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,752 HELLO, VOYAGERS! 248 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,420 HI, JOY! 249 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,160 WELL, NOW I SEE SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME BEFORE, 250 00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:30,395 AND I SEE SOME NEW GUYS HERE. 251 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:32,097 SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 252 00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:35,734 I'LL GIVE YOU THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION OF MOI. 253 00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,636 EIGHT YEARS AGO, I'M JERI KLEINMAN. 254 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,805 I'M WORKING AWAY AS A MID-LEVEL ACCOUNTANT. 255 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,440 I KNOW, SNOOZE, BORING. 256 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:43,441 TRUST ME, I HATED IT. 257 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:45,310 IN FACT, ANYBODY ASKED ME, 258 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,278 I WOULD TELL THEM HOW MISERABLE I WAS. 259 00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,481 THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN, ONE DAY, 260 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:53,251 OUT OF THE BLUE, I GET BREAST CANCER. 261 00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:54,319 I MEAN, IT SHOOK ME UP, 262 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,122 PHYSICALLY AND IN MY SOUL. 263 00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,923 SO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID? 264 00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:00,158 - YOU WENT TO SEDONA! - THAT'S RIGHT. 265 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,861 I WENT TO SEDONA. 266 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,496 AND I HIKED THE RED ROCKS, 267 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,431 AND I BREATHED. 268 00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,500 THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE. 269 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,734 I BREATHED. 270 00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:13,171 FOR THE FIRST TIME, I BREATHED. 271 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,006 AND I REALIZED 272 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,475 THAT ALL OF THE FUCKING STRESS 273 00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:19,310 AND ALL OF THE COMPLAINING-- 274 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,813 I HAD GIVEN MYSELF CANCER. 275 00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:24,382 I MEAN, I HAD NOBODY TO BLAME BUT MYSELF. 276 00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:26,184 SO I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO. 277 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:29,354 I QUIT MY JOB, AND I STARTED JUICING, 278 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,023 THAT GNARLY STUFF THAT YOU'RE DRINKING RIGHT THERE-- 279 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,224 THANK YOU-- 280 00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:34,559 AND THEN I WALKED INTO NEIMAN'S, 281 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:38,363 AND I POPPED FOR THESE SHOES. 282 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,031 YEAH, THESE AREN'T FROM TARGET, PEOPLE. 283 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:44,703 AND I WORE THESE TO MY FIRST CHEMO SESSION. 284 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:48,373 AND SIX SESSIONS LATER, I WAS IN REMISSION. 285 00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,610 YEP, THEY SAY IT WAS THE CHEMO, 286 00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:54,412 BUT I KNOW IT WAS THE SHOES. 287 00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:57,549 I MEAN, YOU MIGHT CALL THESE MY "FUCK ME" SHOES, 288 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,750 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL THEM? 289 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:01,186 I CALL THEM MY "FUCK YOU" SHOES. 290 00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,821 FUCK CANCER. 291 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,023 I FUCKED CANCER. 292 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:08,560 AND NOW, I AM FUCKING LIFE. 293 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,396 AND I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING ORGASMICALLY HAPPY, 294 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,098 AND I'M MAKING TEN TIMES MORE 295 00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:15,600 THAN I EVER MADE IN MY LIFE. 296 00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:16,868 IT'S IRONIC, ISN'T IT, 297 00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:19,771 THAT CANCER WOULD SHOW ME THAT I CAN TAKE CONTROL 298 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,240 OF MY LIFE AND FOLLOW MY DREAMS? 299 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:26,044 AND NOW MY DREAM IS THAT I WANT ALL OF YOU 300 00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,179 TO FIND YOUR JOYFUL PATH. 301 00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:31,783 EACH ONE OF US IS BORN WITH A CERTAIN NUMBER 302 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,852 OF BREATHS. 303 00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:36,554 HOW DO YOU WANT TO USE THEM, PEOPLE? 304 00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,256 THAT'S THE QUESTION. 305 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,191 ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY UP, OUT. 306 00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:42,527 WE'RE GONNA GO OUTSIDE, HAVE A LITTLE FUN. 307 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,429 LEAVE YOUR JUICE IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED IT, 308 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,532 AND WE'RE GOING TO GRAB A BAG, PEOPLE. 309 00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,134 HI. PAUL JAMISON. 310 00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:50,903 OH, NICE TO MEET YOU, PAUL JAMISON. 311 00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:56,641 HERE YOU GO. 312 00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:57,776 HERE YOU GO. 313 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,278 AND SACKS UP, PEOPLE. 314 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,312 GO AHEAD. COME ON. 315 00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:03,114 THAT'S IT, SACKS UP. 316 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,483 THE RACE IS TO BETTINA AND BACK. 317 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,684 READY? - AWESOME! 318 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:07,752 ON YOUR MARK, 319 00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:10,288 GET SET, GO! 320 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,323 THAT'S IT. YOU'RE KIDS AGAIN, PEOPLE. 321 00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:13,725 LET'S RELAX. 322 00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:16,427 HAVE SOME FUN. JUMP FOR JOY. 323 00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:17,996 LET'S HEAR SOME LAUGHTER. 324 00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:21,332 HA, HA, HA, HA. 325 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,767 LAUGHTER RELEASES ENDORPHINS. 326 00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:24,235 GETS RID OF ALL THOSE TOXINS, 327 00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:26,771 AND IT BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF CRYING. 328 00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:28,006 GOOD GOING. THAT'S IT. 329 00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,108 LIMITED AMOUNT OF BREATHS. 330 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:32,110 PEOPLE, LET'S USE IT. AHH! 331 00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:33,444 - YOU ALL RIGHT? - YEAH. GO. 332 00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:35,313 I'M GONNA-- I'LL SEE YOU INSIDE. 333 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,048 - OH, COME ON, LET'S GO! - NO, I'LL SEE YOU INSIDE. 334 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:39,584 HA, HA, HA, HA! 335 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,252 GOOD WORK. OH. 336 00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:42,320 OH, COME ON, YOU CAN GET UP. 337 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,454 THAT'S GOOD. 338 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:45,990 HEY, HEY, WHERE ARE YOU HEADED? 339 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,125 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 340 00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:49,861 IT'S--IT'S REALLY COLD OUT HERE. 341 00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:53,064 THIS ISN'T YOUR KIND OF THING, HUH? 342 00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,365 YOU KNOW, I SIGNED UP FOR THIS ON A WHIM, 343 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,501 AND CLEARLY I DIDN'T READ THE FINE PRINT, 344 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,303 OR ANY PRINT, FOR THAT MATTER. 345 00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,572 SO, NO, IT'S NOT REALLY MY KIND OF THING. 346 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:01,673 I'M SORRY. 347 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,141 OH, NO, DON'T APOLOGIZE TO ME. 348 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:04,576 I MEAN, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S LETTING YOURSELF DOWN. 349 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,377 YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT'S GONNA STOP YOU 350 00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,112 FROM YOUR JOYFUL PATH. 351 00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:09,614 I'M PRETTY SURE MY PATH TO JOY 352 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,115 LEADS TO THE FIREPLACE INSIDE. 353 00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:13,685 I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF HORSESHIT, DOESN'T IT? 354 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,253 BUT, YOU KNOW, 355 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:18,122 YOU CAME HERE FOR A REASON, 356 00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:19,591 AND YOU SHOULD REALLY LISTEN TO THAT REASON, 357 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,526 EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO ME. 358 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,294 I GET IT, YOU KNOW. 359 00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:26,866 AFTER YOU'VE HAD CANCER, IT'S HARD TO TRUST ANYTHING. 360 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,335 HOW DO YOU KNOW I HAVE CANCER? 361 00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:32,270 I READ YOUR HUSBAND'S BLOG. 362 00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:33,838 - REALLY? - YEAH. 363 00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:37,075 YEAH, UH, I RESEARCH ALL MY PARTICIPANTS. 364 00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,209 AND, YOU KNOW, BY THE WAY, PAUL, 365 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,678 YOUR BLOG IS INSPIRATIONAL. 366 00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:41,880 REALLY. 367 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,114 YOU HAVE A KNACK FOR STORYTELLING. 368 00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:44,716 YOU GOTTA USE THAT. 369 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,851 THANK YOU! THANK YOU. I WILL. 370 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,753 AND--AND I DO, AND I-I-I WILL. 371 00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,622 THANK YOU. 372 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,490 GIVE ME A CHANCE. YOU'LL SEE. 373 00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:55,393 YOU SHOULD KNOW I DON'T THINK JOY CAN CURE MY CANCER. 374 00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:56,661 ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW 375 00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,496 THAT THAT ATTITUDE'S PROBABLY GONNA KILL YOU. 376 00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,932 AND THIS IS FOR YOU. 377 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,969 FOR GIVING UP. 378 00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,806 ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. 379 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:09,807 VERY WELL DONE. 380 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,177 ♪ OPEN ARMS ARE ♪ 381 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:14,579 ♪ REACHING WIDER ♪ 382 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:18,249 ♪ THAN I EVER DARED TO DREAM ♪ 383 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,886 ♪ I TURN MY EYES WITH ALL CREATION ♪ 384 00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:24,956 ♪ TO GAZE AND TO FEEL SEEN ♪ 385 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,225 ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ 386 00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,060 ♪ 'CAUSE I FEEL YOU INSIDE ♪ 387 00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:30,561 ♪ YOU ARE MINE ♪ 388 00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:32,697 ♪ AND I'M ALL YOURS ♪ 389 00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:33,898 I DON'T GET IT. 390 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:36,401 IS THIS--IS THIS CHURCH OR A CONCERT? 391 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:38,836 BOTH. 392 00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,238 ♪ OH, OH ♪ 393 00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:43,074 ♪ LIFT, LIFT, LIFT ME UP ♪ 394 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,945 PANTS ON! UNCLE SEAN IS IN THE HOUSE! 395 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,046 - ADAM'S OUT. - OH. 396 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:49,047 I TOLD CATH I'D CHECK ON HIM, 397 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:51,816 BUT I GOT CAUGHT ON ANOTHER CALL. 398 00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:54,552 HAVING NON-STOP MAKE-BELIEVE SEX ON VALENTINE'S DAY 399 00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:57,021 IS EXHAUSTING, DEPRESSING, 400 00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:59,023 AND SURPRISINGLY UNFULFILLING. 401 00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:02,627 I HAVE LONELY MAN CAULIFLOWER EAR. 402 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,063 AT LEAST YOU GET TO HAVE MAKE-BELIEVE SEX. 403 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,732 THESE--THESE USED TO BE INSTRUMENTS OF PLEASURE. 404 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:10,201 NOW THEY'RE JUST FOR PICKING UP THE PHONE. 405 00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:13,204 WELL, I'VE BEEN ONLINE FOR THE LAST HOUR 406 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:14,839 LOOKING FOR STORIES TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER 407 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:15,840 ABOUT MY LIFE. 408 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:17,742 LOOK. THIS IS THE BEST ONE SO FAR. 409 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:22,714 MAN GOT STUCK IN A WELL FOR TWO MONTHS. 410 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,049 UGH, AND HAD TO SAW HIS OWN HANDS OFF. 411 00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:27,352 AND WHEN THEY FINALLY PULLED HIM UP, 412 00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,586 HE FINDS OUT THAT HIS WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR 413 00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:29,654 WITH HIS BROTHER. 414 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,522 OH, THAT'S ROUGH. 415 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,158 HE CAN'T EVEN PUNCH HIM. 416 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:37,095 AT LEAST HE GOT MARRIED. 417 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:38,730 YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS BULLSHIT. 418 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,599 WHY--WHY SHOULD ONLY HAPPY PEOPLE ENJOY 419 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,301 THIS HORRIBLE, MADE-UP DAY? 420 00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:45,303 GET DRESSED. 421 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:46,904 WE'RE GOING OUT. 422 00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,206 I GOT SOME MONEY. 423 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:50,975 AND WE BOTH HAVE OUR HANDS. 424 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:52,276 ALL RIGHT. 425 00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:55,513 I SAY WE FLEE AT DAWN AND FIND THE NEAREST SIZZLER. 426 00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,814 LET'S STICK IT OUT. 427 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,317 BETWEEN THE VISION BOARDING AND THE MINDFUL YOGA 428 00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:02,687 AND THE JUICE DINNERS, I'M STARTING TO FEEL CENTERED. 429 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:03,988 AND SLENDER. 430 00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:06,257 THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE INTO JOY 431 00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:09,360 IS BECAUSE SHE WEARS TINY SKIRTS AND LIKES YOUR BLOG. 432 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,062 HA! YES! 433 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:13,698 I LIKE POSITIVE AFFIRMATION. CRAZY. 434 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,901 MAY I REMIND YOU, IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO COME HERE. 435 00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:20,872 "HOPE YOU HAD AN AMAZING AND ENLIGHTENING FIRST DAY. 436 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:24,042 "NOW GET JOYFUL WITH YOUR PARTNER... 437 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,209 OR YOURSELF." 438 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,978 EW. 439 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,980 NO, NO, NO! 440 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,482 NO! THEY TOOK THE MINI-BAR KEY! 441 00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:35,453 I KNOW. I KNOW. I CAN PICK IT WITH MY EYEBROW TWEEZERS. 442 00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:38,790 THAT WAS AN ORDER FROM JOY HERSELF. 443 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,159 NOW SHOW ME YOUR WOO-WOO. 444 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,330 WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 445 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:49,734 IT'S A TATTOO. 446 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,937 I GOT A TATTOO. 447 00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:55,306 IT JUST--IT FELT GOOD TO DO SOMETHING. 448 00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:56,741 I JUST--I HAVEN'T KNOWN WHERE TO PUT EVERYTHING 449 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,809 THAT'S HAPPENED, 450 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,644 SO NOW SOME OF IT'S ON MY BACK. 451 00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:00,812 THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO COME HERE, 452 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,314 TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT IT ALL MEANS, 453 00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:06,384 WHAT'S NEXT. 454 00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,319 DON'T HATE IT. 455 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,722 DON'T BE PROVINCIAL. 456 00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:14,760 I THINK IT'S HOT. 457 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:19,864 I'VE GOT A TATTED WIFE. 458 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:25,770 MM. 459 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,371 TOBLEROOOONE... 460 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,373 MM? 461 00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:31,476 OH, IT'S JUST I'M BEING TAUNTED BY THE CHOCOLATE 462 00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,377 IN THE MINI-BAR. 463 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,713 - MM. - KEEP GOING. GO AHEAD. 464 00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,815 MM. 465 00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,918 STILL THINKING ABOUT THAT CHOCOLATE? 466 00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:43,789 LITTLE BIT. 467 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:49,528 FINE. GO GET THE TWEEZERS. 468 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,731 OH, THANKS. 469 00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:56,134 VALENTINE'S DAY. 470 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,602 WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU? 471 00:18:57,603 --> 00:19:00,304 FLOWERS, CHOCOLATE. 472 00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,474 CHANCE TO GET LAID. 473 00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:07,245 YOU KNOW, ST. VALENTINE 474 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:11,916 USED THIS DAY TO PERFORM MARRIAGES. 475 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,953 GUESS HE DIDN'T HAVE A DATE, HUH? 476 00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:18,556 MAYBE HE WAS ONTO SOMETHING. 477 00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:21,359 MAYBE HE KNEW WHAT REALLY MATTERED. 478 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:24,228 GUYS, WHAT IF TODAY WE DIDN'T GET LUCKY? 479 00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,563 WHAT IF WE KEPT IT IN OUR PANTS? 480 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:28,266 WHAT IF WE STOPPED THINKING WITH OUR DICKS 481 00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,501 AND STARTED LISTENING TO HIM? 482 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:33,938 A BLOWJOB LASTS, LIKE, ONE MINUTE. 483 00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:36,174 WHAT IF WE TOOK OUR HEADS 484 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,009 OUT OF THE GUTTER AND-- AND PUT OUR EYES 485 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,377 TO THE SKY? 486 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:40,778 HOW LUCKY WOULD WE BE THEN? 487 00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:41,812 REALLY LUCKY. 488 00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:42,880 WHAT? 489 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,348 REALLY LUCKY! 490 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,583 YEAH! 491 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:47,852 YEAH, COME ON! AWESOME! 492 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,754 ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COME UP TONIGHT 493 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,457 AND TAKE THE SACRAMENT, PLEASE JUST COME ON UP. 494 00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:54,525 YOU COMING UP? 495 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,494 NO, I'M--I'M GOOD. 496 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,767 FIGURES THE ONLY RESTAURANT THAT CAN TAKE US 497 00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,970 LAST-MINUTE ON VALENTINE'S DAY WOULD BE THE GARLIC HOUSE. 498 00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,105 YEAH, BUT NOW WE'RE SAFE FROM VAMPIRES 499 00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,273 FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. 500 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,951 WHAT IF MYK WAS IT FOR ME? 501 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,620 DO YOU EVER THINK THAT ABOUT REBECCA? 502 00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:23,788 LIKE THERE'LL NEVER BE ANYONE ELSE? 503 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:26,958 WELL, SURE, SOMETIMES. 504 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,427 BUT YOU CAN'T LET THAT SCRAWNY UKRAINIAN 505 00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:30,828 MAKE YOU INTO A BITTER SPINSTER. 506 00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:32,430 I MEAN, LOOK AT ME. 507 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:33,564 I COULD STAY HOME ALL DAY, 508 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,267 WALLOWING IN MY POST-REBECCA PSYCHOSIS, 509 00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:40,605 OR I COULD ENJOY A DELICIOUS GARLIC PANNA COTTA 510 00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:43,241 WITH MY FRIEND. 511 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,742 HAVE YOU SELECTED A DESSERT? 512 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,044 GOT ANYTHING WITHOUT GARLIC? 513 00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:50,915 JUST THE CHOCOLATE MOUSSE, BUT THOSE ARE OUR LAST TWO. 514 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,950 WELL, WHAT--WHA-- 515 00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,652 HOW COME THEY GET THEM, AND WE DON'T? 516 00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:56,420 THEY WERE SPECIAL-ORDERED TWO DAYS AGO. 517 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,589 WE WEREN'T EVEN A COUPLE TWO DAYS AGO. 518 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,560 I'LL GIVE YOU A MINUTE. 519 00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:05,896 EAT FAST. 520 00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:10,701 YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE. 521 00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:12,670 - MM. - G--! 522 00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:14,171 WHAT THE FUCK? 523 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:15,773 MM. 524 00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:17,842 HOLY SHIT, IT'S A RING. 525 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,543 - WHA-- - HE'S PROPOSING. 526 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,916 UH, ABABUO, 527 00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:27,285 YOU ARE THE-- 528 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,053 THE FIRE IN MY HEART, 529 00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,921 THE LIGHT IN MY LOINS. 530 00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:35,459 YOU--YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SET MY HAIR ON FIRE WITH DESIRE. 531 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:37,695 YOU--YOU COMPLETE ME. 532 00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:40,698 YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING. 533 00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:42,867 YOU--YOU HAD ME AT HELLO. 534 00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:45,904 MARRY ME, MY AFRICAN QUEEN. 535 00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:50,041 YES! 536 00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,781 OH, GOD, DID YOU JUST BURP IN MY MOUTH? 537 00:21:56,782 --> 00:22:00,584 - SORRY. - THAT'S MY RING. 538 00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:02,820 EXCUSE ME? 539 00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:04,922 I BOUGHT THAT RING TO PROPOSE TO MY GIRLFRIEND. 540 00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:06,791 OH, ERIC! 541 00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:07,792 UM, RUN. RUN. 542 00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:09,293 OKAY, YEAH, OKAY. 543 00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:11,429 CONGRATULATIONS. BEST WISHES TO YOU BOTH. 544 00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:14,466 MAZEL TOV. 545 00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:19,970 OKAY, BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER. 546 00:22:19,971 --> 00:22:21,005 WE OWNED IT. 547 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,606 IN FACT, WE SHOULD CHANGE THE NAME 548 00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:24,008 TO LONELY PERSON'S DAY. 549 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:25,042 TOTALLY. 550 00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:26,977 HAPPY LONELY PERSON'S DAY. 551 00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:29,146 AND TO YOU, MY FIANCEE. 552 00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:36,287 GOOD NIGHT, LONELY PERSON. 553 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:39,157 SAYONARA, SAD SACK. 554 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,535 OH! 555 00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:52,937 HERE ARE OUR STRAGGLERS. 556 00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:55,439 GOOD MORNING, YOU TWO. 557 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,641 IT LOOKS LIKE SOME PEOPLE GOT A LITTLE TOO JOYOUS LAST NIGHT. 558 00:22:57,642 --> 00:22:58,743 AM I RIGHT? 559 00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:01,979 OH, WE ARE FULL OF JOY. 560 00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:04,448 OKAY, PEOPLE, SO... 561 00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:07,151 MUSIC IS THE SOUNDTRACK OF THE SOUL, 562 00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,120 AND TO HELP YOU GET TO THE PLACE 563 00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:11,555 WHERE YOU ARE OPEN TO JOYOUSNESS, 564 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:13,991 WE ARE GOING TO LISTEN AND DANCE 565 00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:16,127 TO SOME SOUNDS THIS a.m. 566 00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:19,597 THAT I USED TO DANCE TO VERY LATE IN THE p.m. 567 00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:28,372 OKAY, LET'S SHAKE YOUR BOOTY, EVERYBODY. 568 00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:29,407 THAT'S IT, MOVE IT. 569 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,075 GOOD. OH, YES. SHAKE YOUR BOOTY. 570 00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:33,177 EVERYBODY DANCE. 571 00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:34,412 COME ON, EVEN YOU, CATHY. COME ON. 572 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,981 THAT'S IT. SHAKE IT. 573 00:23:36,982 --> 00:23:38,749 EVERYBODY, UP, UP, UP. 574 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,651 YES, OH. 575 00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:41,886 FEEL IT, PEOPLE! 576 00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:44,522 ♪ NOW SHOW 'EM HOW YOU DO IT NOW ♪ 577 00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:47,024 PAUL. I'M WORRIED-- 578 00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:49,126 I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEART. - I'M NOT EVEN JUMPING. 579 00:23:49,127 --> 00:23:50,895 JUST GIVE ME YOUR BACKPACK. 580 00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:52,530 OH, YEAH. OKAY. 581 00:23:52,531 --> 00:23:53,898 YEAH. 582 00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:56,233 FEEL THE MUSIC IN YOUR SPIRIT. 583 00:23:56,234 --> 00:24:00,070 FEEL THAT MUSIC FILL YOUR SOUL. 584 00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:02,773 YOU ARE INVINCIBLE. 585 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:05,543 ♪ PUT EMOTION EVERY SINGLE POP ♪ 586 00:24:05,544 --> 00:24:08,712 ALL RIGHT, CATHY. WHAT'S GOING ON, HMM? 587 00:24:08,713 --> 00:24:13,017 WHAT'S GOING ON IS I AM CALLING BULLSHIT. 588 00:24:13,018 --> 00:24:15,386 THE--THE JUICE, THE JOY, THESE STUPID FUCKING ROCKS. 589 00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:18,088 I'VE HAD IT. I'M DONE. 590 00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:22,259 BLOOD SUGAR ISSUES. 591 00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:26,597 CATHY. 592 00:24:26,598 --> 00:24:28,432 GOOD FOR YOU. 593 00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:31,268 YOU GOT IT. 594 00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:34,238 SHE GOT IT, PEOPLE. 595 00:24:34,239 --> 00:24:37,842 ALL RIGHT? THAT BAG IS YOUR OLD BAGGAGE. 596 00:24:37,843 --> 00:24:38,976 WHY WERE YOU CARRYING IT? 597 00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:40,277 BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO? 598 00:24:40,278 --> 00:24:41,545 BECAUSE SOCIETY MADE YOU? 599 00:24:41,546 --> 00:24:44,114 I MEAN, YOU WERE READY TO CARRY PAUL'S BAG. 600 00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:46,317 YOU CANNOT MOVE FORWARD 601 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:48,619 IF YOUR SHIT IS STILL PULLING YOU BACK. 602 00:24:48,620 --> 00:24:50,321 YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST. 603 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:53,492 YOU ARE A LIMITLESS FUTURE. 604 00:24:55,961 --> 00:24:59,396 GOOD FOR YOU. 605 00:24:59,397 --> 00:25:01,665 EVERYBODY TAKE A LESSON FROM CATHY. 606 00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:03,634 COME ON. DROP THOSE BAGS. 607 00:25:03,635 --> 00:25:05,836 THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. 608 00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:08,372 GOOD. NOW DOESN'T THAT FEEL FABULOUS? 609 00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:12,243 DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE YOU COULD JUST FLY? 610 00:25:12,244 --> 00:25:14,478 GOOD FOR YOU, CATHY. 611 00:25:14,479 --> 00:25:16,113 THANKS. 612 00:25:16,114 --> 00:25:18,749 WELL, LET'S ALL SIT DOWN AND CLOSE OUR EYES. 613 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,751 THAT'S IT. SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY. 614 00:25:20,752 --> 00:25:23,020 EYES CLOSED. THAT'S IT. 615 00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:25,055 THAT'S IT. THERE YOU GO. 616 00:25:25,056 --> 00:25:29,193 EVERYBODY CLOSE YOUR EYES. 617 00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:32,630 I KNEW YOU WOULD BE THE FIRST TO GET IT. 618 00:25:32,631 --> 00:25:34,965 NOW THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS FINDING 619 00:25:34,966 --> 00:25:37,835 OUR NEW LIFE PATH 620 00:25:37,836 --> 00:25:42,640 IS TO FIND OUT WHAT MAKES US TRULY HAPPY. 621 00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:46,143 SO I WANT YOU TO IMAGINE A MOMENT 622 00:25:46,144 --> 00:25:50,748 OF PURE JOY... 623 00:25:50,749 --> 00:25:54,552 WHEN YOU FELT COMPLETELY FREE. 624 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:56,720 TAKE A DEEP BREATH. 625 00:25:58,356 --> 00:26:02,459 THAT'S IT. 626 00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:06,830 AND LET YOUR MIND GUIDE YOU... 627 00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:08,899 AND SURPRISE YOU. 628 00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:21,779 WHERE ARE YOU? 629 00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:24,816 HOW DO YOU FEEL? 630 00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:58,082 MM. SHIT, THIS IS GOOD. 631 00:26:59,551 --> 00:27:01,852 HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK! 632 00:27:01,853 --> 00:27:03,654 WHAT? WHAT IS IT? 633 00:27:03,655 --> 00:27:05,356 I HAVE 2,000 FOLLOWERS! 634 00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:06,924 JOY JUST RE-TWEETED MY ADDRESS. 635 00:27:06,925 --> 00:27:09,293 "CHECK THIS GUY OUT. HE'S GOT A GREAT MESSAGE." 636 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:10,427 HOLY SHIT! 637 00:27:10,428 --> 00:27:11,962 SHE JUST HANDED ME HER ENTIRE FAN BASE 638 00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:14,431 ON A KALE JUICE PLATTER, MAN! 639 00:27:14,432 --> 00:27:15,799 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, 640 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,735 BUT CONGRATULATIONS. 641 00:27:17,736 --> 00:27:20,037 JESUS, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT 642 00:27:20,038 --> 00:27:22,640 WHEN SHE ASKED US TO MEDITATE ON OUR HAPPIEST MOMENT? 643 00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,341 NINTH GRADE, DOLLY MADISON HIGH, 644 00:27:24,342 --> 00:27:27,344 I'M STANDING ON THE STAGE, ACCEPTING THE AWARD 645 00:27:27,345 --> 00:27:30,648 FOR "MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED." 646 00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:35,486 HOW ABOUT YOU, HONEY? WHAT DID YOU SEE? 647 00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,622 I WANT ANOTHER BABY. 44530

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