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1
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,640
Come here.
2
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:35,720
Here.
3
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,320
On no level
4
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,480
was you fornicating with
Siobhain next to me,
5
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,400
while I was asleep, okay.
6
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:56,280
See, I thought I'd lost
my virginity at 15, Linda.
7
00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,400
But in hindsight,
8
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,800
I think Siobhain took it
the other night.
9
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,040
Oh! I'm not having
this conversation.
10
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,680
I mean, I know about all this
role-play stuff, you know?
11
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,600
People pretending to be firemen,
nurses, plumbers.
12
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:16,000
But dogs?
13
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,840
I-- I never knew
you could feel degraded
14
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,880
and liberated at the same time.
15
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,640
But I'm worried
that it might come back
16
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,040
and bite me on the bum.
17
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,680
Like Siobhain did.
18
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,760
Please.
19
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:36,160
Cos them pictures,
they're on the cloud now,
20
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,480
out of context.
21
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,960
Are you okay?
22
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,600
I-- I don't think the lice are
gonna be enough for me anymore.
23
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:08,000
♪ Wolf-mother,
where you been? ♪
24
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,360
♪ You look so worn, so thin ♪
25
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:17,120
♪ You're a taker, devils-maker ♪
26
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,680
♪ Let me hear you sing,
hey-ya hey-ya ♪
27
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:27,120
♪ Wolf-father, at the door ♪
28
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,960
♪ You don't smile anymore ♪
29
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,880
♪ You're a drifter,
a shapeshifter ♪
30
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,480
♪ Let me see you run,
hey-ya hey-ya ♪
31
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,000
♪ Holy light over the night ♪
32
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,440
♪ Oh, keep the spirit strong ♪
33
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,360
♪ Watch it grow, child of woe ♪
34
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:59,280
♪ Oh, keep holding on ♪
35
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,360
♪ When I run
through the deep dark forest ♪
36
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,000
♪ Long after this begun ♪
37
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,920
♪ Where the sun would set,
the trees were dead ♪
38
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,920
♪ And the rivers were none ♪
39
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:13,480
♪ And I hope for a trace to lead
me back home from this place ♪
40
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,600
♪ But there was no sound, there
was only me and my disgrace ♪
41
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:28,320
When are you gonna stop all this
pointless dick-bashing, Linda?
42
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,080
Aah!
43
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,560
Please, Siobhain.
44
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,120
Do them outside.
45
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,480
That's not very joyful of you,
Linda, is it?
46
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,520
Why is it so loud?!
It's just nail.
47
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,600
Vitamin B, Lin.
48
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,240
I could dig through
frozen soil with these
49
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:52,080
if I were a bird in winter
and I needed a worm.
50
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,160
What are you on about?
51
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,680
Where you going?
52
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,120
Housework Action Group meeting.
53
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,840
Then I'm gonna try out
a new vegan mushroom eel recipe.
54
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,320
Housewife Action Group?
Mushroom vegan eels?
55
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,840
You are a Guardian reader's
wet dream.
56
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,920
And whose wet dream are you?
Jim Davidson's?
57
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,720
And have a wash.
58
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,800
You smell like a bin.
59
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,560
Hmm.
60
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,880
"In the latest Ledgergate news,
61
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,200
the Verderer's
ill-advised strategy
62
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,800
for the men to withhold sex
63
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,960
until their wives
come to their senses
64
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,400
has catastrophically backfired.
65
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,200
The majority of women have
enthusiastically welcomed
66
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:39,360
a period of celibacy and are now
rethinking their sexuality.
67
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,040
It's another blow for the men
68
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,840
and not the kind
they were hoping for."
69
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,240
The thing is, Linda,
70
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,720
going on strike
is all very well in theory.
71
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,960
But the reality is, if the women
don't do everything,
72
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:02,000
stuff is either not done
or it's done badly,
73
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,080
and they have to do it again.
74
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:08,280
And so what the women
want to know is,
75
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,680
how does it all end?
76
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,600
They don't want to live
in a pigsty.
77
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,040
The kids are getting sick
through malnutrition.
78
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,600
School trips and clubs,
they're being missed.
79
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,680
And the men?
80
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:27,240
The men are using the same cloth
to do everything with.
81
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,440
oh...
82
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,440
They're not...
83
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,840
They're not even
wringing the water out
84
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,640
before wiping down surfaces.
85
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,320
Oh, I can't.
86
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:44,680
Do you know, nice women don't
make the history books, Janet.
87
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,560
My proposals are...
88
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,200
One, all housework
and child care
89
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,800
and mental load divided equally.
90
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,320
Two... chore benefit.
91
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,680
Like-- like child benefit,
but for chores!
92
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,840
Exactly!
93
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,400
Ah!
94
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,160
Jesus, Janet.
95
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,360
I've had a thought, Linda.
96
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,600
I'm off... to reread section 137
97
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,800
of the 1972
Local Government Act.
98
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,680
- Call me.
- Oh, yeah. I'll text you later.
99
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:22,760
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
100
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,520
You best have a plan B,
Verderer.
101
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:31,920
The women have gone from
102
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,680
vacuuming carpets
to munching them.
103
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,720
I've got a plan B.
104
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:42,080
And we shall prevail
against these wanton succubi.
105
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,160
- Yeah.
- Huh?!
106
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:46,080
These agents of the devil!
107
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,160
Oh, Shirley, I've spilt me pint!
Can you give us a cloth?
108
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,000
Get it yourself,
you lazy gobshite.
109
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,920
Huh? What? But you're at work.
You're not at home.
110
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,720
The strike doesn't apply here.
111
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,280
I am at home.
I live upstairs.
112
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,680
Well, this is ridiculous!
113
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,240
Jesus on a stick.
114
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,840
And rinse it and wring it out
when you're done.
115
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,480
Right.
116
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,080
Look at her
when she's at "home," eh?
117
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,080
Ah. I mean...
118
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,240
It's not that bad, actually.
119
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,040
Mnh.
120
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,560
- Have you warned them?
- Warned who?
121
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,000
- The men.
- About what?
122
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,480
The vegan mushroom eels.
123
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,720
No, I didn't mention
the v-word.
124
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,720
I was vague, said something
about a new recipe.
125
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,400
You know, healthier.
126
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,840
Full of vitamins and natural
aphrodisiacs and that.
127
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,040
Bit of peri-peri.
128
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,000
See, the problem
with the menopause
129
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,920
is that a lot of the symptoms
could be other things, right?
130
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,440
So-- So you don't know
if it's the menopause
131
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,320
or, you know,
something else going on.
132
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,760
I know.
133
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,480
I mean, I don't know
if my achy joints
134
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,040
is down to hormones
or sleeping standing up.
135
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,680
Exactly.
Like, is my murderous rage
136
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,600
due to a lack of oestrogen,
137
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,280
or is it because Colin Cock Face
can't pronounce my name right?
138
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,880
I swear to God, Ags, if he calls
me "Thuh-resa" one more time,
139
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,640
I'll tape his fucking mouth shut
with an HRT patch.
140
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,400
Just put a hex on him, Tree.
141
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,600
Much easier than asking men
to stop doing things.
142
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,040
Mm.
143
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,640
Good morning.
Good morning.
144
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,640
Uh...
145
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,880
Not feeling great today.
146
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,960
Didn't sleep well.
147
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,320
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna head off
148
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,080
to the Severn Bridge
to end it all.
149
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,360
You know, not--
not after last time.
150
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,520
I mean, you think they'd let me
off the parking ticket,
151
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,360
all things considered.
152
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,000
But, um...
153
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,160
No. No, uh...
154
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,640
No anger today.
Just, uh...
155
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,320
Just sadness.
156
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,400
And emptiness.
157
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:47,240
Very sad and, uh, very empty.
158
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,120
A heaviness.
You know?
159
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,160
Don't make sense, does it,
160
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,440
to feel both empty and heavy?
161
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,040
Anyway...
162
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,120
Onwards and upwards.
163
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,080
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
164
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,480
Good morning, good morning,
good morning.
165
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:22,360
Ah, the topic for today is,
of course, Ledgergate.
166
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,200
Honestly, it's like the plot
167
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:29,800
of a terrible
feminazi lesbo porno movie.
168
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,120
You know?
169
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,720
"Easy Rider"
meets "Handmaid's Tale"
170
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,280
meets "The Riddle
of the Sphinx."
171
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,280
Now, I don't know
about you boys,
172
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,160
but that would...
173
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,960
that would not get me going
in any way whatsoever!
174
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,800
Back after this.
175
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,160
Have you heard about
Jeremiah's baby?
176
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,520
What, that it
came out laughing?
177
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,080
No. The birthmark.
178
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,120
Ahh.
179
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,520
Ah.
180
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,400
Which Watkins ancestor
do you reckon
181
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,080
has come back
this time then, eh?
182
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,320
Well, hopefully not
183
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,040
great-great-great-grandfather
Josiah.
184
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,480
Mm.
185
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,200
Yeah, well,
we'll find out soon enough
186
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,320
if the nipper starts eating
his own faeces.
187
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,360
Oh, and did you hear
that Jeremiah lost the placenta
188
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,680
on the way home
from the hospital?
189
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,280
Sally can't bury it.
190
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,360
What, so the baby's not anchored
to the earth?
191
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,320
- No!
- Mm.
192
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,160
How'd he you lose it, then?
193
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,800
He was pissed as a fart.
194
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,680
Worrying thing is,
it was wrapped up in paper
195
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,760
like a package
from the butcher's.
196
00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,720
Woof. Best avoid the
kebab shop for a few days, then.
197
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,360
He's got a serious problem,
that kid.
198
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,440
- Oh, yeah.
- Especially if it's
199
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:10,440
great-great-great-grandfather
Josiah reincarnated.
200
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,040
Oh!
201
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,400
But he has got
the Watkins webbed toes.
202
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,920
Ahh.
203
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,040
Best swimmers in the forest.
204
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,880
Is that a harmonica
in your pocket,
205
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
or are you just pleased
to see me?
206
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,960
I have this effect on men.
207
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,880
They say you're never more than
six feet away from a rat.
208
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,280
Well, I'm never more than
six feet away from a semi.
209
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,720
Well, it's good to see you,
Siobhain.
210
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,160
I'll, uh...
211
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,240
I'll leave you to your privacy.
212
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,320
You're not my type anyway!
213
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,280
I need to speak to you.
214
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,520
I never understood why it was
just me with webbed toes.
215
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,160
- Well, I do now.
- Eh?
216
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,520
I think that Father
might be my real dad.
217
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,600
And you know something,
and I know that you do.
218
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,600
Well, I do know that mum
was having an affair
219
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,320
with someone down here
for years.
220
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,480
But that's all I know.
221
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,560
So he could be my dad, then?
222
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,560
- Did Dad know?
- Yes.
223
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:29,320
So Dad knew and you knew
and everyone knew except me.
224
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,240
That explains everything,
doesn't it?
225
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,840
Why I felt like an outsider.
226
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,960
Because...
227
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,040
Because I was.
228
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,040
Why didn't you tell me?
229
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,920
- Well, it wasn't my place.
- Not your place?!
230
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,320
Well, no, I was a child.
It was Mum's place.
231
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,920
And she told me not to tell you.
232
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,920
She said
it was our little secret.
233
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,840
You know what mum was like.
234
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,720
She was always pitting us
against each other.
235
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,640
You took what you could get.
236
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,720
Love crumbs.
237
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,480
And I resented you.
238
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,680
You were the reason
Mum and Dad fought.
239
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,160
What do you mean?
240
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,880
You were a reminder
of her deceit.
241
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,760
What about after she died?
242
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,120
Was there no point
in the past 40 years
243
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,200
when you could have told me?
244
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,760
I wanted to.
245
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,560
But then, as time passed,
it got harder and harder.
246
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:09,920
I cannot believe that you have
known all these years...
247
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,960
...and still been vile to me.
248
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,480
Cos it's not that big a deal,
Linda.
249
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,600
I'm not who I thought I was,
Siobhain.
250
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,680
None of us
are who we thought we were!
251
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,040
Deal with it!
252
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:37,240
♪ Have you ever seen
the rain? ♪
253
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,920
♪ I wanna know ♪
254
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,480
♪ Have you ever seen the rain? ♪
255
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:49,840
♪ Coming down on a sunny day ♪
256
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,680
♪ Yesterday and days before ♪
257
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,520
♪ Sun is cold and rain is hard ♪
258
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,080
♪ I know ♪
259
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,840
♪ Been that way
for all my time ♪
260
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,960
♪ Till forever, on it goes ♪
261
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,160
♪ Through the circle,
fast and slow ♪
262
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,400
♪ I know ♪
263
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,920
♪ It can't stop, I wonder ♪
264
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,240
♪ I wanna know ♪
265
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,440
♪ Have you ever seen the rain? ♪
266
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,640
♪ I wanna know ♪
267
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:41,960
♪ Have you ever seen the rain? ♪
268
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,840
♪ Coming down on a sunny day ♪
269
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,440
♪ Yeah ♪
270
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,920
♪ I wanna know... ♪
271
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,480
Thing about these ledgers is,
272
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,680
it's different chores
on different days.
273
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,360
I mean,
do we have to stick to that,
274
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,280
or can I put a wash on
on a different day than she did?
275
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,400
What's this?
276
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,000
The feminist manifesto?
277
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,840
Ohhh.
278
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,000
Right.
279
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,680
I'll be taking
this poisonous propaganda,
280
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,760
thank you, gentlemen.
281
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,880
Burn.
282
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,080
Hey, Theresa.
283
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,720
What the fuck did you put
284
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,200
in those vegan mushroom eels,
Linda?!
285
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,320
The men are going fucking
apeshit! Aah!
286
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,960
Cos I will find you!
I will...
287
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,040
Shit.
288
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:58,520
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing ♪
289
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,960
♪ She smiled and replied ♪
290
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,600
♪ "You don't know
what you're missing" ♪
291
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:15,920
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could wed you ♪
292
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:21,080
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could bed you ♪
20780
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