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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:11,010 I DON'T CONDONE STEALING. 2 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,478 HERE IS YOUR PIECE OF THE ACTION. 3 00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:13,612 THIS ISN'T BAD. 4 00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:15,347 SHE'S DEALING WITH A MISCARRIAGE. 5 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,016 YOU WENT OFF YOUR MEDS? 6 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,650 MM, YEAH. I'M NOT GONNA GO THROUGH THIS DOPED UP. 7 00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:20,052 - WE MET ONLINE. - WHAT? 8 00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,087 AT A CHAT ROOM FOR KIDS WITH PARENTS WHO HAVE CANCER. 9 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,989 - YOU HAVE CANCER. - NO, SILLY, I'M THE KID. 10 00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:25,157 WAIT, ARE YOU LEAVING? 11 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,792 I'M GOING BACK TO CHICAGO FOR A BIT. 12 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,427 I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING PITY. 13 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:29,528 I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU. 14 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,130 THOSE DRUGS ARE NOT A CURE. 15 00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:34,401 THE BEST THAT YOU CAN HOPE FOR IS A LITTLE MORE TIME. 16 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,646 ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪ 17 00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:52,218 ♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪ 18 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,888 ♪ STEP OUT ♪ 19 00:00:55,889 --> 00:01:00,693 ♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪ 20 00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:06,465 ♪ IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? ♪ 21 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:11,303 ♪ WILL SOMEONE WAKE ME UP SOON? ♪ 22 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:16,642 ♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAY ♪ 23 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:22,682 ♪ CALLED LIFE ♪ 24 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,859 HEY! 25 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,361 HEY. YOU GONNA HIT ME WITH YOUR CAR AGAIN? 26 00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:44,670 WANT SOME LEFTOVER TURKEY? 27 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:48,207 ARE YOU OKAY? 28 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,109 YEAH. IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I BREATHE. 29 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,178 SHIT, LEE. 30 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,546 YOU SHOULDN'T BE RUNNING. 31 00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:56,715 WELL, THESE MARATHONS, THEY DON'T TRAIN FOR THEMSELVES. 32 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:01,453 I'M SORRY I LIED TO YOU AT THANKSGIVING. 33 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,389 WELL, THE JERK GOES BOTH WAYS. 34 00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:06,191 I SAID SOME REALLY SHITTY THINGS. 35 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:07,993 THAT'S WHY I DON'T FORM ATTACHMENTS. 36 00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,628 IT'S PARTLY BECAUSE I'M BUDDHIST, 37 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,130 IT'S PARTLY BECAUSE I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THEM. 38 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,234 YOU SAID SOME TRUTHS THAT WERE HARD TO HEAR. 39 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:16,768 IT'S WHY I LIKE YOU. 40 00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:18,370 YOU LIKE ME BECAUSE YOU NEED A CANCER FRIEND. 41 00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,606 ARE WE FIGHTING AGAIN? 'CAUSE I'LL GO THERE. 42 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,141 I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT. 43 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,411 I MISS TALKING TO YOU. 44 00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:30,215 SURE YOU DON'T WANT SOME TURKEY? 45 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:35,221 OH, GIVE ME THAT. 46 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:42,127 OH! HONEY, I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 47 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,962 CLEARLY IT'S NOT A VEGETABLE, 48 00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,330 SINCE I DON'T SEE ANY ON YOUR PLATE. 49 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,032 I HAVE 30 MINUTES FOR LUNCH. 50 00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:48,300 YOU CAN'T BE FAST AND HEALTHY. 51 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,270 IT'S NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. 52 00:02:58,378 --> 00:02:59,811 A SCALE? 53 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:01,647 MM-HMM. IT'S A BODY COMPOSITION MONITOR. 54 00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,016 SO A FANCY SCALE? 55 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,017 - MMM. - YOU TRYIN' 56 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,251 TO TELL ME SOMETHING? 57 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,486 'CAUSE I THOUGHT YOU HAD LEARNED YOUR LESSON 58 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,188 WHEN YOU GAVE ME THE IRON FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY. 59 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,924 SIXTH ANNIVERSARY IS IRON. 60 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,026 I WAS BEING CUTE. AND "IRON-IC." 61 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,561 ANYWAY, REMEMBER 62 00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:18,297 HOW DR. SHERMAN SAID IT WAS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT 63 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,332 TO CLOSELY MONITOR YOUR HEALTH? 64 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,301 THIS BABY DOES IT ALL. 65 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:25,037 IN ADDITION TO YOUR WEIGHT, IT GIVES YOU YOUR BONE MASS, 66 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,140 YOUR VISCERAL WEIGHT, AND YOUR METABOLIC AGE. 67 00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:30,642 WHAT'S METABOLIC AGE? 68 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,044 THAT'S WHEN YOU FACTOR IN ALL THE OTHER STUFF, 69 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,112 IT TELLS YOU HOW OLD YOUR BODY ACTUALLY IS. 70 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:36,516 OH, SHIT. 71 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:43,789 HEY. 72 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,024 OH, HEY. YOU LOOKIN' FOR BABY STUFF? 73 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,759 EVERYTHING'S AVAILABLE. 74 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,494 UH, EXCEPT THE INFANT BABY WIPES. 75 00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,830 THOSE STAY. THOSE GEMS ARE LIKE 76 00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:53,966 A DEEP, WET TONGUE KISS ON MY HEMORRHOIDS. 77 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,934 HOW YA DOIN'? 78 00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:56,935 I KNOW THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN. 79 00:03:56,936 --> 00:04:00,339 NO, IT'S ALL GOOD. 80 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,307 YEAH. UM, I'VE GOT A PLAN. 81 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:03,809 I'M THINKING ABOUT TURNING THE BABY'S ROOM 82 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,944 INTO A HYDROPONIC POT DEN. 83 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:07,212 HELLO. 84 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,815 UH, MIKE, THIS IS MY WIFE, DAWN, AND THIS IS JANIE, 85 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:10,916 MY LITTLE GIRL. 86 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,384 AW. 87 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,353 WELL, COME ON IN! 88 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:15,454 UH, LOOK, CATHY. 89 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,723 A HAPPY FAMILY IN MY HOME. 90 00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:19,358 UH, IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE. 91 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,827 WE JUST MOVED IN. OUR BACK YARDS ABUT EACH OTHER. 92 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,062 I GUESS THAT MAKES US ABUT-BUDDIES. 93 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,532 I--I'M CATHY. THIS IS MY BROTHER, SEAN. 94 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:29,768 UH, IF YOU COULD USE ANY OF THE STUFF, 95 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,303 WE'D LOVE TO SEE IT GO TO A GOOD HOME. 96 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,571 IT'S ALL IN REALLY GOOD SHAPE. 97 00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:33,839 MM, IT SURE IS. 98 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,008 I WAS IN THE MARKET FOR A BABY, BUT THEN I DID THE MATH. 99 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,577 DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FEDERAL CHILD TAX CREDIT 100 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,712 DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO OFFSET THE PRICE OF AN ACTUAL CHILD? 101 00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:42,914 SO THERE'S DEFINITELY NO PROFIT IN IT. 102 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,653 ARE YOU, UH, ARE YOU PLANNING ON DOING SOMETHING WITH HER? 103 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,022 SHE'S JUST A LITTLE FUSSY, OR SHE'S TIRED. 104 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,290 OR GASSY, OR WET, 105 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,525 OR GETTING SICK. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. 106 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:56,128 SHE CRIES A LOT. - MMM, SHE'S A BABY. 107 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,964 THAT'S WHAT BABIES DO. CRY AND MANIPULATE. 108 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,899 THEY'RE MACHIAVELLIAN LITTLE SHITS. 109 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,934 YOU MIND NOT SWEARING IN FRONT OF JANIE? 110 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,970 - SERIOUSLY? - SEAN. SORRY. 111 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:08,206 LOOK, LADY, ALTHOUGH YOUR BABY CAN HEAR, 112 00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:09,875 SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO BE OFFENDED 113 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:12,678 UNTIL SOCIETY TELLS HER WHAT TO BE OFFENDED BY. 114 00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:15,747 PRESENTLY THOSE THINGS INCLUDE, UM, GAY MEN KISSING, 115 00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:17,282 BODY ODOR, 116 00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:21,386 AND THE FEMALE NIPPLE. 117 00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:24,056 HE'S BEEN GOING THROUGH A REALLY ROUGH TIME. 118 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,024 IF YOU WOULD LIKE ANY OF THIS STUFF, PLEASE... 119 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:27,859 PLEASE TAKE IT. 120 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:28,894 THANKS. 121 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,897 UH, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME. 122 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:03,462 I HAVE, LIKE, SIX SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES. 123 00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:08,900 TEAM SUGAR, MYSPACE, FACEBOOK, BEBO, AND TWITTER. 124 00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,703 ALTHOUGH I MAINLY USE THAT TO PROMOTE MY BLOG. 125 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,372 OH YEAH, I THINK--I THINK I'VE HEARD OF YOUR BLOG. 126 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,440 UH, WHAT'S IT CALLED? 127 00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:18,844 I'M A--I'M A HIPSTER FUCKTARD DOT COM? 128 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:19,945 OH! 129 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,014 OW, YOU HIT MY BOOB. 130 00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,550 I NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO FIND THAT THING. 131 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,052 - SCREW YOU. - HELLO. 132 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,954 WHAT'S UP, MOM? 133 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:29,988 HI, MRS. JAMISON. 134 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,356 POPPY. 135 00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:34,393 WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, HERE. 136 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:38,196 UH, YOU AND ADAM HANGING OUT, IT'S ODD. RIGHT? 137 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:39,798 HOW DO YOU MEAN? 138 00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:42,934 WELL, HE'S 15, 139 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,736 AND YOU'RE CLOSER TO MENOPAUSE THAN PUBERTY. 140 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,371 SO JUST TELL ME THERE'S NOTHING SEXUAL GOING ON HERE. 141 00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,507 OH, JESUS, MOM, COME ON. REALLY? 142 00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,809 IT HAPPENS, ADAM. 143 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,744 AND YOUR RECENT TRACK RECORD OF DECISION-MAKING 144 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,713 HASN'T INSTILLED CONFIDENCE. 145 00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:56,148 ADAM'S JUST A KID, MRS. JAMISON, WE'RE JUST, LIKE, 146 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,016 HANGING OUT, 'CAUSE WE'RE, LIKE, 147 00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:01,053 GOING THROUGH A LOT OF THE SAME STUFF. 148 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:06,491 OKAY. 149 00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,560 FAIR WARNING, 150 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:11,930 YOU HURT MY KID, I WILL HURT YOU. 151 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,900 AND I AM NOT ABOVE SPITTING OR HAIR-PULLING. 152 00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:19,639 HMM. 153 00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:27,447 I GOTTA GO. 154 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,882 OH! I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU TOMORROW. 155 00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:32,117 I'M GONNA PICK YOU UP AT 5:00. 156 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,718 AND WEAR SOMETHING NICE, OKAY? 157 00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:36,722 OKAY. 158 00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:39,090 HEY! 159 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,892 - HI. - HI, I WASN'T EXPECTING 160 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,494 TO SEE YOU HERE TODAY. 161 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,663 UM, YEAH, DR. SHERMAN WANTED TO SEE ME. 162 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:45,964 I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING CALLED 163 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,266 INTO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. 164 00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:49,668 SOMETIMES THAT CAN BE A GOOD THING. 165 00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:50,969 YOU MIGHT BE GIVEN AN AWARD. 166 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,639 I GOT THE AWARD FOR MOST TUMORS IN THE TRIAL. 167 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,541 GOT MY SCAN RESULTS. 168 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,544 THEY TAKE A BEATING, BUT THEY KEEP ON GROWING. 169 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:00,879 OH, LEE. 170 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,581 DIDN'T GET A TROPHY, WHICH BLOWS. 171 00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,283 SHERMAN WANTS ME TO STAY IN THE TRIAL, 172 00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:08,119 BUT I--I THINK THAT'S A PITY MOVE ON HIS PART. 173 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,588 I'M SORRY. 174 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,591 HOW 'BOUT YOU? 175 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:13,925 HOW ARE YOUR SCANS? 176 00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:18,865 UH, THEY'RE GOOD. 177 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:21,299 MY TUMORS ARE SHRINKING. 178 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,335 THE TRIAL'S WORKING FOR YOU, THAT'S GREAT, CATHY. 179 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,771 IT MAKES MY SHITTY NEWS EASIER TO SWALLOW. 180 00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,173 HEY, THINGS COULD BE WORSE, YOU KNOW? 181 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,876 I'M ALIVE, AND I JUST GOT A LEAD 182 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,011 ON AN OLD-FASHIONED BURGER AND MALT JOINT, SO-- 183 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,446 HOW DO YOU DO THAT? 184 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,915 HOW DO YOU DO THE WHOLE WATER-OFF-A-DUCK'S-BACK THING? 185 00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:41,553 YOU HAVE TO FOCUS ON THE GOOD THINGS THAT MELANOMA BRINGS. 186 00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:44,489 WELL, THE PEOP THAT WE'VE MET, AND-- 187 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,424 THE THINGS THAT WE'VE DONE, AND THE PLACES THAT WE'VE BEEN. 188 00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,894 I KEEP FOCUSING ON ALL THE STUFF I'LL NEVER GET TO DO. 189 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:52,631 GLASS HALF EMPTY. 190 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:55,133 THAT'S NO WAY TO WHILE AWAY YOUR REMAINING HOURS. 191 00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:58,036 I--I STILL HAVE A VERY LONG TO-DO LIST. 192 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:01,273 I NEED TO RIDE ON THE BACK OF A FIRE TRUCK. 193 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:06,978 AND GET MY HANDS ON A BOTTLE OF 1982 LAFITE ROTHSCHILD 194 00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:08,313 AND, JUDGE IF YOU WANT, 195 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:11,383 BUT I WOULD STILL LIKE TO HAVE MORE ADVENTUROUS SEX. 196 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,551 WITH A MAN. 197 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,886 MORE ADVENTUROUS. 198 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,122 YOU HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS IN THE BACK OF BARS. 199 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,824 YEAH. WELL, IT GETS OLD. 200 00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:22,494 - CATHY JAMISON? - BLOOD TEST. 201 00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,663 GOOD LUCK. 202 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,765 HEY, I HEAR THAT THEY'RE GIVING OUT RIBBONS 203 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:29,568 FOR GOOD WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT. 204 00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:43,949 WHY ARE WE AT A HOTEL? 205 00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:47,218 THIS ISN'T SOME DUSTIN HOFFMAN, MRS. ROBINSON THING, IS IT? 206 00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,821 WOW, I'M SURPRISED YOU EVEN KNOW THAT REFERENCE. 207 00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:52,724 YEAH, I OVERHEARD MY MOM SAY IT TO MY DAD. 208 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:56,128 DON'T BE SUCH A DORK, YOU'RE SO NOT MY TYPE. 209 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,499 WAIT, UH, IS THIS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION? 210 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,034 SURPRISE! 211 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,903 OKAY. KINDA WEIRD. 212 00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:07,939 PLEASE, WE WENT TO A FETUS FUNERAL LAST WEEK. 213 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,108 A HIGH SCHOOL REUNION, BY COMPARISON, 214 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,911 IS DECIDEDLY NOT WEIRD. 215 00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,553 ARE YOU OKAY? 216 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,422 YEAH, IT'S JUST ALL THESE NAMES. 217 00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:26,124 I'M HAVING A BAD FLASHBACK. 218 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,993 PEOPLE KIND OF MADE FUN OF ME BACK THEN. 219 00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,995 I WORE A SHERLOCK HOLMES HAT, WHATEVER. 220 00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,731 SO I TOLD MYSELF THAT I HAD TO COME TONIGHT, 221 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,633 TO SHOW THEM THAT I'M NOT THE LOSER 222 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,867 THEY ALL THOUGHT I WAS. 223 00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,736 LOOK, YOU WANT TO BAIL? 224 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:42,208 FINE, BAIL. I CAN HANDLE THIS ON MY OWN. 225 00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:48,981 NO, IT'S COOL, I'LL-- I'LL STAY. 226 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,449 WELCOME. 227 00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:55,054 ADAM LEDOUCHE. 228 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:00,992 ♪ ALL AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH ♪ 229 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,594 ♪ THE MONKEY CHASED THE WEASEL ♪ 230 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,529 ♪ THE MONKEY THOUGHT 'TWAS ALL IN FUN ♪ 231 00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,898 ♪ POP! GOES THE WEASEL ♪ 232 00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,204 ♪ ALL AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH ♪ 233 00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:15,040 ♪ THE MONKEY CHASED THE WEASEL ♪ 234 00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,409 ♪ THE MONKEY THOUGHT 'TWAS ALL IN FUN ♪ 235 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,811 ♪ POP! GOES THE WEASEL ♪ 236 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,148 ♪ ALL AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH ♪ 237 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,116 ♪ THE MONKEY CHASED THE WEASEL ♪ 238 00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:27,285 ♪ THE MONKEY THOUGHT 'TWAS ALL IN FUN ♪ 239 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:29,254 ♪ POP! GOES THE WEASEL ♪ 240 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:32,223 ♪ FUCK! GOES THE WEASEL ♪ 241 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,969 HONEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR NAME TO BE? 242 00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,572 - I'M KINDA PARTIAL TO CATHY. - NO, NO, NO. 243 00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:50,075 THIS SCALE LETS YOU CREATE PROFILE NAMES. 244 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,310 SO THAT WHEN YOU STEP ON THE SCALE, 245 00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:55,447 A VOICE SAYS, "HELLO, SVEN, WELCOME BACK." 246 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:56,781 MY PROFILE NAME'S GONNA BE SVEN. 247 00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:58,383 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, THE NORDICS 248 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:02,287 ARE TALL AND THIN. AND THAT PUTS ME HALFWAY TO SVELTE. 249 00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:03,354 MAKE MINE "GOOD-BYE." 250 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,457 GOOD-BYE? 251 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,958 WHY? - I DON'T KNOW. 252 00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,159 I THINK IT MIGHT BE FUN TO HEAR IT SAY, 253 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,694 "HELLO, GOOD-BYE, WELCOME BACK." 254 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:10,695 "GOOD-BYE" IT IS. 255 00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,364 JESUS CHR-- 256 00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:15,133 YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. 257 00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:17,435 WELL, I GOT A WHOLE STACK OF CLOTH DIAPERS OVER AT THE HOUSE, 258 00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:19,471 JUST WAITIN' TO MOP UP SOME POO. 259 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,640 THEY'RE ALL YOURS. 260 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,410 - SEAN, WHAT DO YOU NEED? - EARPLUGS. 261 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,779 OR--OR, UH, COTTON BALLS, 262 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:30,048 OR, IF YOU DON'T HAVE EITHER OF THOSE, UH, 263 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,583 AN ICE PICK MIGHT DO IT. 264 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,319 JUST SOMETHING TO KEEP SOUND FROM PENETRATING MY EARDRUMS. 265 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,087 WHAT DO YOU NEED EARPLUGS FOR, BUDDY? 266 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,656 IT'S THAT FUCKING BABY. 267 00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,291 SH--SHE--SHE GIGGLES, 268 00:12:40,292 --> 00:12:43,361 SHE CRIES. HER PARENTS ARE OUT THERE RIGHT NOW, 269 00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:47,232 ROCKIN' OUT WITH THEIR COCKS OUT TO THIS--THIS, THIS... 270 00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:50,101 KIDDIE MUSIC. IT'S BORING INTO MY BRAIN. 271 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,737 SEAN, JUST TAKE A BREATH. 272 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:55,907 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU--WHEN YOU GET LIKE THIS I GET SCARED. 273 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,309 MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT GOING BACK ON YOUR MEDS. 274 00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:01,646 OH, NO. NO, NO. UM, I JUST NEED, UH, 275 00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,114 I NEED SOMETHING TO BLOCK OUT THE NOISE. 276 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,682 MAYBE I'LL GO TO A DRUGSTORE. DO THEY SELL EARPLUGS? 277 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,484 THEY MUST. 278 00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,186 HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK THEY COST? CAN I BORROW A LITTLE MONEY? 279 00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,687 SEAN. 280 00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:12,191 UH-- 281 00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:18,129 I'M SORRY. I'M FINE. 282 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:23,502 I KNOW YOU'RE WORRIED, BUT I'M FINE. 283 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,046 I FEEL LIKE I'M AT A PARTY 284 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,548 WITH A BUNCH OF MY PARENTS' FRIENDS. 285 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,449 DON'T YOU WANT TO, LIKE, TALK TO PEOPLE? 286 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,519 I DON'T KNOW. 287 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,655 I ALREADY SEE THE NATALIE CLIQUE FORMING. 288 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,557 THEY'RE ALL NAMED NATALIE. 289 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,492 NATALIES ARE ALWAYS BITCHES. 290 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,827 MAYBE THIS WASN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA. 291 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,663 POPPY KOWALSKI! 292 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,731 OH, MY GOD, IT IS YOU! 293 00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:56,668 I TOLD YOU IT WAS HER. HOW ARE YOU? 294 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,236 NATALIE PIOUS, NATALIE SCOTT. 295 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,371 I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU GUYS? 296 00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:02,073 REALLY GOOD. 297 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:04,209 UH, THESE ARE OUR HUSBANDS, JEFF AND DAN. 298 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,878 POPPY WAS THE GIRL I TOLD YOU ABOUT, 299 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,113 WHO WORE A CAPE ALL THROUGH FRESHMAN YEAR. 300 00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,516 SOME TRENDS NEVER REALLY TAKE OFF. 301 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,819 I ALMOST DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU WITHOUT GOTH MAKEUP. 302 00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:18,556 SO WHAT DO YOU DO? 303 00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:21,860 SHE DIRECTS DOCUMENTARY FILMS. 304 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,927 OH, IS THIS YOUR SON? 305 00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,028 I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY. 306 00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:26,664 I'M ADAM, POPPY'S BOYFRIEND. 307 00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:27,932 I'M 21. 308 00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:30,501 YEAH, I--I KINDA GOT TIRED OF DATING GUYS OUR AGE. 309 00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:32,804 BALD AND PAUNCHY JUST WASN'T DOIN' IT FOR ME. 310 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,473 NO OFFENSE. 311 00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:36,975 AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, ADAM? 312 00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,844 I, UH, CREATE AND LAUNCH NEW MEDIA PROJECTS. 313 00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:42,013 LIKE SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES, ENTERTAINMENT PORTALS, 314 00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,047 GAMING SITES, 315 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,716 STUFF LIKE THAT. 316 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,618 THAT IS SUCH A YOUNG MAN'S GAME. 317 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,153 YEAH, WELL IF YOU OLD DUDES ARE JUST GONNA SIT BACK 318 00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:50,722 AND LET US STEAL ALL YOUR MONEY, 319 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,457 YOU KNOW, I'M-- I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO TAKE IT. 320 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,660 WOW, 321 00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,428 POPPY, YOU'VE REALLY MADE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF. 322 00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:58,730 AND ALL THIS 323 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,466 FROM THE GIRL WHO PLAYED FOLK MUSIC ON THE UKULELE 324 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,301 FOR TIPS IN THE CAFETERIA. 325 00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,803 I HAD MY UKULELE, 326 00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:09,173 AND YOU TWO HAD YOUR HAND JOBS AT THE BACK OF THE FOOTBALL BUS. 327 00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:10,408 WE'RE GONNA HIT UP THE BAR. 328 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:11,709 OKAY, WE'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU GUYS LATER. 329 00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:12,778 GREAT SEEING YOU ALL. 330 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:24,355 GUESS WHO FOUND A BOTTLE OF LAFITE ROTHSCHILD. 331 00:15:24,356 --> 00:15:25,924 NOW, BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED, 332 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,359 IT'S NOT AN '82. - WOW. 333 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,460 TURNS OUT I DON'T HAVE 334 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,195 $5,000 BURNING A HOLE IN MY POCKET. 335 00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:33,665 THAT IS A 2007. 336 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,601 BUT, YOU KNOW, ALL THE LABELS LOOK THE SAME. SO WE CAN 337 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,703 PRETEND THAT WE'RE HAVING A RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE 338 00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,204 BOTTLE OF WINE. 339 00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:41,873 JUST AT A BIG DISCOUNT. 340 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,509 WELL, AS MY FRIEND SAYS, IT'S NOT THE WINE, 341 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:47,378 IT'S THE PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE DRINKING IT WITH. 342 00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:51,450 BESIDES, 2007 IS NOT A BAD LITTLE STEP-BROTHER. 343 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:56,721 HOW YOU DOIN'? 344 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,690 I'M OKAY. 345 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,492 I HAD MY MOMENT OF SELF-PITY, AND NOW I AM READY 346 00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,862 TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS, AND MAKE ANOTHER RUN AT THIS. 347 00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:16,140 HERE IS TO A PRETTY AMAZING BOTTLE OF WINE, 348 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,510 AND THE BEST CLINICAL TRIAL PARTNER I'VE EVER HAD. 349 00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:28,152 - MMM. - IT'S GOOD. 350 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,166 HEY. 351 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,501 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? 352 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,570 MAKING A DOCUMENTARY ON TOILET PAPER? 353 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,939 COME ON, I WANT TO GO MESS WITH SOME MORE PEOPLE. 354 00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,977 POPPY, EVERYTHING OKAY? 355 00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,345 NO, EVERYTHING'S NOT OKAY. 356 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,848 I GOT MY PERIOD. 357 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,249 OH. 358 00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,385 AND I DON'T HAVE ANY TAMPONS. 359 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:01,419 OKAY. 360 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,688 I MEAN, DO YOU NEED TO GO HOME? 361 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,856 NO, ADAM. 362 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:08,526 I NEED A TAMPON. AND I NEED YOU TO GET ME ONE. 363 00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,661 ME? WHERE? 364 00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:13,364 I MEAN, DON'T THEY HAVE A MACHINE IN THERE, OR SOMETHING? 365 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,665 IT'S EMPTY! 366 00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,769 JUST, UH, GO CHECK THE HOTEL GIFT SHOP. PLEASE? 367 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,370 THE LAST THING I NEED IS EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT 368 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,272 HOW THE CAPE-WEARING GOTH GIRL GOT HER PERIOD 369 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:23,674 AT THE CLASS REUNION. 370 00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:24,709 ADAM? 371 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:25,910 YEAH. 372 00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:27,245 YEAH, OKAY, I'M ON IT. 373 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,200 DID YOU GET 'EM? 374 00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:51,436 I DON'T KNOW, THERE ARE, LIKE, TEN DIFFERENT KINDS HERE. 375 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,437 OH, GOOD. 376 00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:53,671 NOT THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, 377 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,873 BUT I HAVE FUSSY PRIVATES. TELL ME WHAT THEY HAVE. 378 00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,509 OKAY, SLENDER REGULAR, SUPER PLUS, 379 00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,579 LIGHTS, THEY HAVE SOME BIODEGRADABLE APPLICATOR. 380 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,982 THEY ALSO HAVE A SANITARY NAPKIN. 381 00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,685 NO, THAT'S LIKE WEARING A DIAPER. 382 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:08,986 TELL ME WHAT THEY HAVE AGAIN. 383 00:18:08,987 --> 00:18:12,023 SLENDER REGULAR, SUPER PLUS, LIGHTS-- 384 00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:14,892 SLENDER REGULAR'S GOOD. 385 00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:17,062 SLENDER REGULAR. 386 00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:35,847 WHY? 387 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:40,718 WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME? GOD DAMN IT! 388 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,623 FUCK! 389 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,525 OH, OH! 390 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:49,393 WE HAVE A DEAD SOLDIER HERE. 391 00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:51,596 I AM GONNA GET US 392 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:52,997 ANOTHER BOTTLE OF WINE. 393 00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:55,933 WHA--ARE YOU TRYING TO GET THE LADY TIPSY? 394 00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,336 WELL, THE FIRST BOTTLE IS TO SPOIL OUR SENSES, 395 00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:01,072 AND THE SECOND BOTTLE IS JUST TO KEEP THE BUZZ GOING. 396 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,774 I'M ALREADY BUZZED. 397 00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:07,111 I THINK MAYBE I'LL JUST SMELL THE CORK ON THAT ONE. 398 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:10,348 both: 399 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:12,750 YOU OKAY? 400 00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,652 YEAH, HEY! NO. 401 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,621 NO SAD EYES, ALL RIGHT? 402 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,289 JUST FUN. 403 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:19,924 TELL ME 404 00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:23,594 SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYBODY ELSE. 405 00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,396 OKAY. 406 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:29,667 UM, OH. 407 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,036 OKAY, HERE'S-- HERE'S A GOOD ONE. 408 00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:33,971 IT WAS MY FRESHMAN YEAR IN COLLEGE, 409 00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:37,775 AND I BROUGHT MY BOYFRIEND HOME TO MEET MY PARENTS. 410 00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,410 AND WE WERE HORNY AS HELL. 411 00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:41,512 AND WE KNEW THAT WE COULDN'T HAVE SEX IN MY PARENTS' HOUSE. 412 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,649 SO... WE WENT FOR A DRIVE. 413 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:50,655 WE FOUND THIS LONG, DESOLATE, DUSTY FARM ROAD. 414 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:53,124 AND WE GOT OUT OF THE CAR, 415 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:56,227 AND HE BENT ME OVER THE HOOD 416 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,963 AND WE FUCKED UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. 417 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:01,232 - WOW. - YEAH, BUT THAT-- 418 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,800 THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART. - AH-HA. 419 00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:05,503 SO THE NEXT DAY, WE'RE PUTTING THE LUGGAGE INTO THE CAR, 420 00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:06,704 WE'RE SAYING GOOD-BYE TO MY PARENTS, 421 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,240 AND THERE, ON THE HOOD, 422 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,110 PRESERVED IN DUST AND DEW... 423 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,545 WAS MY IMAGE. 424 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:18,449 MY HANDS OUTSTRETCHED, MY TITS, MY FACE, 425 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:21,285 AND I KNOW--I KNOW MY FATHER SAW IT, BECAUSE, I MEAN, 426 00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,154 HE COULD BARELY LOOK ME IN THE EYE FOR THE NEXT YEAR. 427 00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:31,829 WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? 428 00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,434 THAT YOU HAVE GREAT BREASTS. 429 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,836 IS THAT A COMPLIMENT? YOU KNOW, COMING FROM A GAY GUY? 430 00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:41,172 OH, HEY, HEY, IT'S-- IT'S ALWAYS A COMPLIMENT. 431 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:44,742 BECAUSE SPEAKING AS SOMEONE WHO'S NEVER FELT A BREAST, 432 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:48,580 I CAN SAY THAT I APPRECIATE THEIR AESTHETIC APPEAL. 433 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,183 YOU'VE NEVER COPPED A FEEL? 434 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,651 WELL, BY THE TIME THE GIRLS HAD ANYTHING TO COP, 435 00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:55,720 I WAS ALREADY STARING DOWN THE GUYS IN THE LOCKER ROOM. 436 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:57,154 BUT I GET IT. 437 00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,556 I--I THINK THAT IF I CAME BACK 438 00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:00,758 IN MY NEXT LIFE AS A STRAIGHT GUY, 439 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:02,193 I WOULD BE ABLE 440 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,829 TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND A VAGINA. 441 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,430 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 442 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,432 LETTING YOU COP A FEEL. 443 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,202 I MEAN, LOOK, SINCE I DIDN'T REALLY NAIL IT ON THE WINE WISH, 444 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:14,205 I MEAN, LET'S-- LET'S SATISFY YOUR CURIOSITY. 445 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,640 AW, CATHY-- 446 00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:17,742 IF THIS IS THE ONE THING YOU GO TO YOUR GRAVE WITHOUT DOING, 447 00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:21,178 I'M GONNA FEEL LIKE A SHITHEEL FOR NOT OFFERING. 448 00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,014 I MEAN, LOOK, THEY'RE-- THEY'RE HERE. 449 00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:24,715 - YUP. - THEY'RE ATTACHED TO ME. 450 00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:27,385 THEY'RE FREE. I MEAN, UNLIKE THAT BOTTLE OF WINE. 451 00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:29,820 SO COME ON. 452 00:21:29,821 --> 00:21:31,555 LOOK, I MAY NEVER BE THIS VULNERABLE AND DRUNK AGAIN. 453 00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:33,492 COME ON. 454 00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:46,672 CLOSE YOUR EYES. 455 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,569 electronic voice: HELLO, SEVEN. 456 00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:52,670 SHIT. 457 00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:55,239 NOT SEVEN. SVEN. 458 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,708 FUCKIN' CHINESE. 459 00:22:57,709 --> 00:22:58,776 PRESS ONE FOR YOUR WEIGHT. 460 00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,878 PRESS TWO FOR YOUR BODY MASS INDEX. 461 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,981 PRESS THREE FOR YOUR METABOLIC AGE. 462 00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:06,717 BASED ON CURRENT INFORMATION, 463 00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:09,253 YOUR METABOLIC AGE IS... 464 00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:12,857 67 YEARS OLD. 465 00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:15,326 WHAT THE FUCK? 466 00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:16,727 PRESS ONE FOR-- PRESS TWO-- 467 00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,462 PRESS THREE FOR-- 468 00:23:18,463 --> 00:23:20,898 YOUR METABOLIC AGE IS 469 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:22,066 67 YEARS OLD. 470 00:23:29,274 --> 00:23:30,374 OH. 471 00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:32,777 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 472 00:23:32,778 --> 00:23:34,812 I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED 473 00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:36,080 OR WHAT THEY WOULD'VE SAID ABOUT ME, 474 00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:37,548 IF YOU WEREN'T AROUND TO HELP ME. 475 00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:39,383 WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT THEY THINK? 476 00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:43,320 IF YOU ASK ME, PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES. 477 00:23:43,321 --> 00:23:47,124 GOD, THAT IS SO TRUE. 478 00:23:47,125 --> 00:23:48,225 YOU ARE SO WISE. 479 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:50,761 YOU ARE MY WISE MAN. 480 00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:52,730 ADAM LEDOUCHE, 481 00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:54,932 YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN. 482 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:57,668 OH, MY GOD, I LOVE THIS SONG! 483 00:23:57,669 --> 00:23:59,003 ♪ LAY A WHISPER ON MY PILLOW ♪ 484 00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:04,842 ♪ LEAVE THE WINTER ON THE GROUND ♪ 485 00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:07,845 ♪ I WAKE UP LONELY ♪ 486 00:24:07,846 --> 00:24:09,547 ♪ IS THERE A SILENCE ♪ 487 00:24:09,548 --> 00:24:13,584 ♪ IN THE BEDROOM ♪ 488 00:24:13,585 --> 00:24:16,921 ♪ AND ALL AROUND ♪ 489 00:24:16,922 --> 00:24:19,323 ♪ TOUCH ME NOW ♪ 490 00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:22,793 ♪ I CLOSE MY EYES ♪ 491 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:27,698 ♪ AND DREAM AWAY ♪ 492 00:24:27,699 --> 00:24:30,367 ♪ IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE ♪ 493 00:24:30,368 --> 00:24:33,671 ♪ BUT IT'S OVER NOW ♪ 494 00:24:33,672 --> 00:24:35,773 ♪ IT MUST HAVE BEEN GOOD ♪ 495 00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:39,543 ♪ BUT I LOST IT SOMEHOW ♪ 496 00:24:39,544 --> 00:24:42,480 ♪ IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE ♪ 497 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,448 ♪ BUT IT'S OVER NOW ♪ 498 00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:46,050 WHOA. 499 00:24:46,051 --> 00:24:48,219 YOU LOOK FANCY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 500 00:24:48,220 --> 00:24:50,187 I WAS WITH POPPY. 501 00:24:50,188 --> 00:24:51,322 AT A HOTEL. 502 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,357 OKAY, BUT BEFORE YOU GO BALLISTIC, 503 00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:55,192 IT WAS JUST FOR HER HIGH SCHOOL REUNION. 504 00:24:55,193 --> 00:24:57,027 AND BEFORE YOU GO BALLISTIC ABOUT THAT, 505 00:24:57,028 --> 00:24:58,162 IT WAS TOTALLY WEIRD. 506 00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:00,999 JUST ME, POPPY, AND A BUNCH OF OLD PEOPLE. 507 00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:03,734 DID YOU HAVE FUN? 508 00:25:03,735 --> 00:25:08,072 UM... YEAH. 509 00:25:08,073 --> 00:25:11,676 YEAH, I-- I KINDA DID. 510 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:15,179 WHEN DID YOU START DRINKING COFFEE? 511 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:17,549 I TRIED IT TONIGHT, AND I LIKED IT. 512 00:25:22,821 --> 00:25:25,556 DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE KID 513 00:25:25,557 --> 00:25:26,991 WHO USED TO LIVE DOWN THE BLOCK FROM US, 514 00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:27,992 THAT USED TO BITE HIMSELF? 515 00:25:27,993 --> 00:25:30,794 OH. YEAH. SIMON. 516 00:25:30,795 --> 00:25:33,964 WHY DID HE DO THAT? 517 00:25:33,965 --> 00:25:36,300 WELL, I THINK HE WAS PRETTY UNHAPPY. 518 00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:38,836 HIS PARENTS GOT DIVORCED. HIS DOG GOT HIT BY THAT TRUCK. 519 00:25:38,837 --> 00:25:42,306 IT'S A LOT FOR A KID TO DEAL WITH. 520 00:25:42,307 --> 00:25:44,209 BUT NONE OF THOSE THINGS WERE HIS FAULT. 521 00:25:47,078 --> 00:25:50,614 I THINK SOMETIMES WHEN YOU'RE SAD AND ANGRY, 522 00:25:50,615 --> 00:25:52,416 AND YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT OUT ON SOMEONE, 523 00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:54,852 YOU TAKE IT OUT ON YOURSELF. 524 00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:57,688 THAT'S FUCKED UP. 525 00:25:57,689 --> 00:26:00,492 IT IS FUCKED UP. 526 00:26:04,996 --> 00:26:07,565 electronic voice: HELLO, SEVEN, WELCOME BACK. 527 00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:09,199 PAUL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 528 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,402 WELL, I'M JUST, UH, I'M JUST TRYING THIS THING OUT 529 00:26:11,403 --> 00:26:13,404 ON A DIFFERENT SURFACE. I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S BUSTED. 530 00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:16,540 PRESS ONE FOR--PRESS TWO-- PRESS THREE FOR-- 531 00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:20,210 YOUR METABOLIC AGE IS... 532 00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:21,679 67 YEARS OLD. 533 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:22,680 SEE? 534 00:26:22,681 --> 00:26:23,814 IT KEEPS ON TURNING ME 535 00:26:23,815 --> 00:26:26,518 INTO A SENIOR CITIZEN. HERE, YOU TRY IT. 536 00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:35,926 HELLO, GOOD-BYE. WELCOME BACK. 537 00:26:37,996 --> 00:26:39,663 OKAY, PRESS THE BUTTON ON THE RIGHT. 538 00:26:39,664 --> 00:26:41,632 BASED ON CURRENT INFORMATION, 539 00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:45,369 YOUR METABOLIC AGE IS... 540 00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:46,837 37 YEARS OLD. 541 00:26:46,838 --> 00:26:48,372 HEY! 542 00:26:48,373 --> 00:26:50,074 LOOK AT THAT! 543 00:26:50,075 --> 00:26:51,208 I'M DYING. 544 00:26:51,209 --> 00:26:53,210 - PAUL-- - NO, THIS IS CRAZY. 545 00:26:53,211 --> 00:26:55,846 I'M 45, I'M ONLY 45 YEARS OLD. 546 00:26:55,847 --> 00:26:58,082 I--I GOTTA GET IN BETTER SHAPE, HONEY. 547 00:26:58,083 --> 00:26:59,883 I GOTTA GET THE TREADMILL OUT OF THE GARAGE, 548 00:26:59,884 --> 00:27:01,251 I GOTTA GET--I GOTTA GET BACK TO MY FIGHTING WEIGHT. 549 00:27:01,252 --> 00:27:03,053 YOU KNOW? 550 00:27:03,054 --> 00:27:06,190 AND, I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T MIND 551 00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:09,126 IF I LOST A FEW POUNDS, RIGHT? 552 00:27:11,229 --> 00:27:13,230 WHAT IS THAT? 553 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,368 ♪ TAKE COVER ♪ 554 00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:19,870 SEAN, YOUR DOOR'S OPEN! 555 00:27:19,871 --> 00:27:23,040 SEAN-- 556 00:27:23,041 --> 00:27:28,212 ♪ OUR LIVES FADED ♪ 557 00:27:28,213 --> 00:27:34,051 ♪ LOST FOREVER ♪ 558 00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:40,024 ♪ THOUGHT THAT I ♪ 559 00:27:40,025 --> 00:27:44,094 ♪ COULD SAVE YOU ♪ 39619

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