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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,575 PREVIOUSLY ON THE BIG C... 2 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:11,744 I STILL THINK IT'S BETTER IF WE GO SLOW. 3 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,213 OKAY? 4 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,349 WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? 5 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,984 SHE'S A HOOKER. 6 00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:21,854 SINCE YOU'RE UP. 7 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,255 OH, I LOVE IT! 8 00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:24,890 NOW I GOTTA WORRY ABOUT FINDING A JOB 9 00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:26,325 AND GETTING INSURANCE AGAIN. 10 00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:27,559 I WORK HERE NOW. 11 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,794 I'M GONNA KEEP LOOKING FOR SOMETHING GOOD. 12 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:29,895 BUT UNTIL THAT HAPPENS... 13 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:32,332 I THINK IT'S AWESOME. 14 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,611 ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪ 15 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:49,649 ♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪ 16 00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,286 ♪ STEP OUT ♪ 17 00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:59,092 ♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪ 18 00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:04,863 ♪ IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? ♪ 19 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:09,201 ♪ WILL SOMEONE WAKE ME UP SOON? ♪ 20 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:15,074 ♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAY ♪ 21 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:19,012 ♪ CALLED LIFE ♪ 22 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:09,728 YOU'RE GOOD. 23 00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:10,963 I'M MRS. JAMISON, 24 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,131 BY THE WAY. 25 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,032 YEAH, I KNOW. 26 00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:15,167 EVERYBODY KNOWS. 27 00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:16,935 I'M GRETA. 28 00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:18,237 WELL... 29 00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,539 THANKS FOR KICKING MY BUTT, GRETA. 30 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,741 IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WORKED UP A SWEAT IN A POOL. 31 00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,843 I'M ON THE SWIM TEAM. I PRACTICE A LOT. 32 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:26,145 BEATS SITTING ON MY BUTT, 33 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,846 WAITING AROUND FOR THE NEW COACH. 34 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,448 WHAT HAPPENED TO MR. GIBSON? 35 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:32,351 HE QUIT 'CAUSE HIS WIFE'S JOB GOT RELOCATED TO DES MOINES. 36 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:33,852 WE'RE TOTALLY SCREWED. 37 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,855 PROBABLY WASTING MY TIME TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH PRACTICE. 38 00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:39,024 TEAM'S GOING TO MAJORLY SUCK BY THE TIME THEY GET SOMEBODY. 39 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:46,131 IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU TO OFFER, BUT WE'LL FIND SOMEBODY. 40 00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,299 I'M NOT OFFERING. I'M APPLYING. 41 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:50,402 COACHING THE SWIM TEAM IS A TOUGH JOB. 42 00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:53,372 GETTING UP FOR PRACTICE AT DAWN, FREEZING YOUR ASS OFF. 43 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,274 TRAVELING TO THOSE OUT OF TOWN MEETS. 44 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,009 ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE THAT... 45 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,378 WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT GOING ON? 46 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,779 OH, I CAN HANDLE IT. 47 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,848 I WAS CAPTAIN OF THE SWIM TEAM IN HIGH SCHOOL. 48 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,349 I EVEN GOT A NICKNAME. 49 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,518 "THE TOLKE TORPEDO." 50 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:09,321 I WAS KIND OF A BIG DEAL. 51 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,924 KATHY, WE'VE BEEN STATE CHAMPS FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS. 52 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,927 THERE'D BE AN AWFUL LOT OF HIGH EXPECTATIONS PUT ON YOU. 53 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:17,696 KEEP LOOKING FOR ANOTHER COACH IF YOU THINK YOU CAN FIND ONE. 54 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,832 UNTIL THEN, LET ME GET THEM BACK IN THE RACE. 55 00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,701 IF YOU NEED MY RESUME, 56 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:26,205 I SWAM FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA FOR FOUR YEARS. 57 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,106 I HAD THE TEAM'S BEST TIME IN THE 400 I.M. 58 00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:31,510 AND I THROW A KICK-ASS VICTORY PARTY. 59 00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:35,814 WELL, WE'LL GIVE IT A SHOT. 60 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,483 GREAT! 61 00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:44,122 I DON'T GET THIS. 62 00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:48,427 I DON'T KNOW WHY I BANISHED MY OLD SWIMSUITS TO THE BASEMENT. 63 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,728 MOM, YOU'RE THE COACH. 64 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,431 OKAY, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU IN A BIKINI. 65 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,233 YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN I MIGHT HAVE TO GET IN THE WATER. 66 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,736 IT WOULDN'T HURT TO HAVE A FEW EXTRA SWIMSUIT OPTIONS. 67 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,738 I CANNOT WAIT TILL I CAN WEAR A BIKINI AGAIN. 68 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,274 I WANT TO GO TO CABO AFTER THE BABY'S BORN. 69 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,643 YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE AFTER THE BABY'S BORN. 70 00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,078 YOU'RE BARELY GOING TO SLEEP. 71 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,913 OH, MY GOD, YOU HAVE TO ADD THIS ONE TO YOUR COACH WARDROBE. 72 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,250 IT'S CUTE, BUT IN THAT BAD-ASS MOFO KIND OF WAY. 73 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,417 THANK YOU, MIA. 74 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,319 - NICE MEDALS, MOM. - YEAH. 75 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,688 IT'S SO COOL THAT YOU WERE A JOCK. 76 00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:18,690 HEY, WHY AREN'T YOU ON THE SWIM TEAM? 77 00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,293 YOU WOULD LOOK CUTE IN A SPEEDO. 78 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,699 THEY ARE TOTALLY DOING IT. 79 00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:30,369 LOOK AT THEM. SMELL THEM. 80 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,804 THEY EVEN SMELL LIKE TEEN SEX. 81 00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:33,972 THAT IS GROSS. 82 00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:36,541 AND I WOULD KNOW IF SOMETHING WAS GOING ON. 83 00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,944 MIA AND I HAVE ACTUALLY BECOME PRETTY CLOSE, 84 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,879 AND I'M NOT PICKING UP ON THE SEX VIBE FROM EITHER OF THEM. 85 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,047 THANK GOD. 86 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,082 MY INTUITION BEGS TO DIFFER. 87 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:46,518 MOM'S HAVE INSTINCTS ABOUT THESE THINGS. 88 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:48,887 YOU'RE NOT A MOTHER YET. 89 00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:49,955 WHEN YOUR BABY IS OUTSIDE OF YOUR BODY, 90 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,189 THEN YOU CAN COME TALK TO ME. 91 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,824 HEY! 92 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:55,627 THAT'S A NICE COLOR ON YOU. - THANKS. 93 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,630 MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE CHANGED JOBS SOONER. 94 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,032 THANK YOU FOR THE SNACK, CATHY. 95 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,366 BYE-BYE, GUYS. 96 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,768 - SEE YA. - BYE. 97 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,905 THEY'RE ARE DOING IT EVERY DAY. 98 00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:08,774 JEEZ, DAD, CAN'T YOU JUST 99 00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,143 CHANGE BEFORE YOU LEAVE WORK OR SOMETHING, 100 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,512 BEFORE THE ENTIRE WORLD SEES YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT? 101 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:14,746 HEY! 102 00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:16,982 YOUR FATHER WORKS INCREDIBLY HARD. 103 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,817 MAYBE EVEN AS HARD AS YOU'RE WORKING THAT ATTITUDE. 104 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,720 GROW UP! 105 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,725 THAT'S GREAT. 106 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,561 JUST WHEN THIS CRAPPY JOB COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE, 107 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,296 NOW MY SON IS ASHAMED OF ME. 108 00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:32,431 HA-HA. 109 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,766 WHAT ARE THOSE BATHING SUITS FOR? 110 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,368 I'M COACHING THE SWIM TEAM. 111 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,337 COACHING? 112 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,771 SERIOUSLY? 113 00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:41,106 THAT'S CRAZY. 114 00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,141 HONEY, YOU NEED TO CONSERVE YOUR STRENGTH. 115 00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:45,977 I WANT TO USE MY STRENGTH TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY. 116 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:47,446 LIKE SWIMMING. 117 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,680 AND BESIDES, 118 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,717 THIS JOB PAYS AN EXTRA $5,000. 119 00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:52,884 WOW! 120 00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:54,019 THAT'S LIKE TWO SCANS 121 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,888 AND A MOUNTAIN DEW IN THE WAITING ROOM. 122 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,428 WHAT IS THIS? 123 00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:06,164 THIS IS WHERE OUR LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY, 124 00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:07,232 SLASH ANXIETY, 125 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,500 IS GOING TO COME INTO THE WORLD. 126 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,469 I'M JUST UH... CHECKING FOR LEAKS. 127 00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:13,672 I THOUGHT WE AGREED I WAS GIVING BIRTH IN A HOSPITAL. 128 00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:15,006 A HOSPITAL YES. 129 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,675 TRAPPED ON A GURNEY, AND WHACKED OUT ON PAINKILLERS, NO. 130 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:18,243 I CHECKED, 131 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,113 AND WE'RE ALLOWED TO BRING IN OUR OWN BIRTHING POOL. 132 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,581 TELL ME YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS. 133 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:26,184 LET'S, UH... LET'S GIVE IT A TRY, OKAY? 134 00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:27,986 NOW? 135 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,087 OOH. 136 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,190 OH, MY GOD. 137 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,727 OH, YEAH. WATER'S NICE. 138 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,864 COME ON IN. 139 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:43,568 YOU'RE CRAZY. 140 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:46,705 WHOA! 141 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,441 SEE, DOESN'T THAT FEEL NICE? 142 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:51,710 JUST THE WAY NATURE INTENDED. 143 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,078 ARE YOU GOING TO GET IN THE POOL WITH ME? 144 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,613 SURE, IF YOU NEED ME TO. 145 00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,749 MIGHT EVEN BRING MY SWIM NOODLE. 146 00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:02,354 EVERYTHING LOOKS BETTER IN 3-D, YOU KNOW. 147 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,523 IT'S LIKE MUSIC, SPORTS. 148 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:06,725 UH! NOW THAT LORD OF THE DANCE 149 00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,360 HAS BEEN RELEASED IN 3-D, 150 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,995 TAP DANCING, SERIOUSLY. 151 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,930 I HAVE SEEN IT. IT IS AWESOME. 152 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,632 IT'S LIKE, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE GETTING AN IRISH 153 00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:14,966 LAP DANCE OR SOMETHING. 154 00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,368 IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. 155 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,337 THANKS. WE'RE GONNA SHOP AROUND. 156 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:20,872 OH. ALL RIGHT, MAN. 157 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:23,108 THANKS FOR COMING IN. 158 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,976 - HEY, BUDDY. - OH, HEY OWEN. 159 00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:26,311 HOW YOU DOIN'? 160 00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:27,712 DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT LOSING THAT SALE. 161 00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:28,880 THEY WERE TOUGH. 162 00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,048 YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF IT... 163 00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:31,716 WHEN YOU'VE BEEN HERE A LITTLE WHILE. 164 00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:34,786 JUST FINDING MY SEA LEGS, BOSS. 165 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:35,987 THAT'S COOL. 166 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,055 MIKHAIL, WHAT'S UP? 167 00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:38,524 MYKAILO. 168 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,259 OWEN? - WHAT DO YOU NEED, DUDE? 169 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,495 I WANTED TO SEE IF I COULD SWITCH THIS SATURDAY'S SHIFT 170 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,297 FOR SOMETHING DURING THE WEEK. 171 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,200 DUDE, I SPENT, LIKE, HOURS DOING THE SCHEDULE. 172 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,368 YOU START PULLING THREADS, IT'S GONNA TOTALLY SCREW US UP. 173 00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,536 OKAY, OKAY. 174 00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:53,773 I'LL BE HERE. 175 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,482 HE'S A BIG PAIN IN THE ASS FOR SUCH A LITTLE TURD, ISN'T HE? 176 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,649 YEAH, COULD BE WORSE THOUGH. 177 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,952 I COULD BE HOME IN UKRAINE. 178 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,920 HUH. IT'S THAT BAD IN THE UKRAINE? 179 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:11,490 AH, UKRAINE IS FINE. I MISS MY FAMILY BUT 180 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,726 OPPORTUNITY-WISE, AMERICA KICKS ASS. 181 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:15,994 RIGHT ON. 182 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,697 MOST PEOPLE, WORKING IN SHIPPING AND RECEIVING, 183 00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,165 THEY'RE BITCHING 24-7. 184 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,900 I THINK THE FACT THAT YOU SEE IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY, 185 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,201 THAT IS AWESOME, FELLA. 186 00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:24,970 YEAH, AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET THE FUCK OUT 187 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,104 OF SHIPPING AND RECEIVING. 188 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,379 WOW! 189 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:37,083 GIRLS, GATHER ROUND. 190 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:40,352 FIRST OFF I JUST WANT TO SAY HOW EXCITED I AM 191 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,920 ABOUT THIS YEAR. 192 00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:44,890 AND I'VE MADE SOME PRELIMINARY ASSIGNMENTS BASED ON YOUR TIMES 193 00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,525 FROM LAST YEAR. 194 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,226 PASS THESE AROUND. 195 00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:50,495 SO...EVERYBODY IN THE POOL. 196 00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:53,932 IF YOU CAN WALK AND TALK AT THE SAME TIME WHEN YOU'RE DONE, 197 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,567 YOU ARE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH. 198 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,536 SO GIVE ME SIX 100s. 199 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,605 75 SWIM, 25 KICK. 200 00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:03,075 COME ON, STRETCH IT OUT, STRETCH IT OUT. 201 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:08,513 KEEP YOU ELBOWS UP, GRETA. AND RELAX YOUR HANDS. 202 00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:12,250 KEEP YOUR ELBOWS UP, HONEY. YOU'RE DOING GREAT. 203 00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,519 YOU MUST BE GRETA'S DAD. 204 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,023 LES JOHNSON. NICE TO MEET YOU. 205 00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:19,491 YOU KNOW, IT'S GREAT THAT YOU'RE SUPPORTING YOUR DAUGTHER, 206 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,994 BUT BEING HER COACH IS KIND OF MY JOB. 207 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,462 SORRY, COACH, DIDN'T MEAN TO HELICOPTER. 208 00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:25,564 JUST HERE TO HELP. 209 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,099 I KNOW. ME TOO. 210 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,068 THE CRAZY THING IS TOO MUCH HELP CAN FEEL A LOT LIKE 211 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:33,838 TOO MUCH PRESSURE. - GRETA CAN HANDLE IT. 212 00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,240 BY THE WAY, THE OLD COACH 213 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,575 USED TO HAVE THEM WARM UP WITH DRILLS. 214 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,877 KEEPS THEIR TECHNIQUE SHARP FOR THE WHOLE WORKOUT. 215 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:40,745 I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 216 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,414 GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT. 217 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,784 MAYBE IT WOULD BE BEST IF YOU WAIT IN THE PARKING LOT. 218 00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,619 EXCUSE ME? 219 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:50,422 ACTUALLY, IF ALL THE PARENTS COULD PLEASE WAIT FOR YOUR KIDS 220 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,490 IN YOUR CARS. 221 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:55,393 DON'T WORRY. I HAVE THINGS COVERED HERE. 222 00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:56,862 THANKS. 223 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,272 OH, HEY. I NEED A FAVOR. 224 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,675 I CAN'T TELL WHETHER THESE MEDS I'M ON ARE WORKING OR MAKING ME 225 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,043 CRAZIER THAN A SHITHOUSE RAT. 226 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,745 WHY? WHAT'S GOING ON? 227 00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:15,847 WELL, I KEEP HAVING THESE THOUGHTS, AND I JUST NEED 228 00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,482 TO SAY THEM OUT LOUD TO SOMEBODY RATIONAL. 229 00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:19,818 WHAT ARE YOU... 230 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,987 ARE YOU RUBBING YOUR VAGINA ON THE COFFEE TABLE? 231 00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,588 NO. 232 00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:26,625 JEEZ, SEAN. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 233 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,760 THIS WHOLE CHILDBIRTH THING IS REALLY DOING A NUMBER 234 00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,095 ON MY PSYCHE. 235 00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:33,264 I SAW A RACCOON FAMILY DRINKING OUT OF OUR BIRTHING POOL 236 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:35,000 IN THE BACKYARD LAST NIGHT. 237 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:38,536 THEY ARE MEAN FUCKERS, BUT THEY'RE DEFINITELY A FAMILY. 238 00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:42,073 FYI, THEY DO NOT LIKE HAVING BROOMS WAVED IN THEIR FACES. 239 00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:47,012 ANYWAY, I REALIZED I HAVEN'T BEEN CLOSE TO MY FAMILY 240 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,980 LIKE THIS IN A LONG TIME. 241 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,182 LIKE RACCOON CLOSE. 242 00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:54,019 AND I JUST THOUGHT WOULDN'T BE AWESOME IF REBECCA AND OUR BABY 243 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,287 COULD FEEL THAT CONNECTION TOO. - SEAN... 244 00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:58,490 WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 245 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,626 I'M THINKING OF PROPOSING TO REBECCA. 246 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,798 OH, SEAN. 247 00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,367 I THINK THAT IS... 248 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:10,535 TERRIFIC. 249 00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,904 - OH. - AND RESPONSIBLE. 250 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:17,375 AND INCREDIBLY SANE. 251 00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,920 - YO! - HI! 252 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,491 WHY ARE YOU WEARING TWO SHIRTS? 253 00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:36,461 MY COVER SHIRT. SO MY SON DOESN'T SHUN ME 254 00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:37,762 WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK. 255 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:38,997 HE'LL GET USED TO YOUR JOB. 256 00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:40,265 I DON'T WANT HIM TO GET USED TO IT. 257 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,933 I WANT HIM TO RESPECT ME. 258 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,768 YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS UKRAINIAN KID AT WORK, MYK. 259 00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:45,236 TO HIM, I'M JUST A REGULAR GUY. 260 00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,939 AND WE SHOOT THE SHIT AND STUFF. BUT YOU KNOW... 261 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,140 HE COMES TO ME FOR ADVICE. 262 00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:51,409 YOU KNOW, IT'S NICE TO BE APPRECIATED 263 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:55,346 EVEN IF IT'S NOT BY MY OWN SON. 264 00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,516 WHAT'S GOIN' ON DOWN THERE? 265 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:01,486 I'VE BEEN ITCHING THE LAST COUPLE OF HOURS 266 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,455 BUT A LOT. 267 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,923 I THINK I'M GETTING A RASH. 268 00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,458 AND WHY ARE YOU SMILING? 269 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,226 IS IT 'CAUSE IT'S IN SORT OF A FUN AREA? 270 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:12,664 NO, BECAUSE THE...NURSES... AT THE CLINIC, THEY SAID THAT 271 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:15,467 ITCHING AND RASHES THAT THEY'RE...THEY'RE 272 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:18,770 SIDE EFFECTS OF MY IMMUNE SYSTEM RESPONDING TO THE TREATMENT. 273 00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,605 SO THEN THE ITCHING'S A GOOD THING. 274 00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:22,273 WOW! 275 00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:24,543 YOU KNOW SOMETHING? 276 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,413 I THINK I'M HAVING SOME SYMPATHY ITCHING. 277 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,351 BECOMING A SALES ASSOCIATE HERE 278 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:35,453 WOULD BE AN AWESOME OPPORTUNITY. 279 00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:37,388 I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ELECTRONICS BECAUSE I PRACTICED 280 00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:40,391 ENGLISH READING THE INSTRUCTION MANUALS. 281 00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:43,862 WHY SHOULD I GIVE THE JOB TO A REFUGEE INSTEAD OF AN AMERICAN? 282 00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,964 I AM NOT A REFUGEE, YOU ASS-WIPE! 283 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,366 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 284 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,602 LOOK, OWEN'S GOING TO BE LOBBING YOU ALL KINDS OF CRAZY, 285 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,137 BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR COOL. 286 00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,839 TREATS ME LIKE A CAME TO THIS COUNTRY IN A FUCKING INNERTUBE. 287 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,810 LOOK, ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN A POSITION TO FIRE GUYS 288 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:00,078 LIKE OWEN. 289 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,646 UNTIL THEN, YOU GOT TO WORK WITHIN THE SYSTEM, MAN. 290 00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,314 YOU'VE JUST GOT TO TELL YOURSELF, 291 00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:07,619 "I'M A VALUABLE MEMBER OF THIS STAFF, AND I DESERVE RESPECT." 292 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:11,156 I'M NOT DOING THAT. 293 00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,959 OH. SORRY. 294 00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:30,575 I'M SEEING A LOT OF BUBBLES, LADIES. 295 00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:32,243 IT'S LIKE YOU'RE SWIMMING IN TONIC WATER. 296 00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:33,378 GRETA, HONEY, 297 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,412 YOU'RE OVERREACHING ON THE CATCH. 298 00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:35,713 TRACY, WHAT IS GOING-- 299 00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:37,682 HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GONNA HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT? 300 00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:39,717 MR. JOHNSON. 301 00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:42,921 IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS BETTER THAN ME, 302 00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:45,223 PROVE IT. 303 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:46,758 I'LL RACE YOU. 304 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,026 RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. 305 00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,694 AND THE LOSER HAS TO SHUT UP. 306 00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,029 AND BY THE WAY, 307 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:54,432 YOUR DAUGHTER CUT ALMOST THREE SECONDS OFF HER TIME. 308 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,868 THIS IS MY JOB, NOT YOURS. 309 00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:59,137 AND THIS AREA IS FOR SWIMMERS ONLY. 310 00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:01,874 SO GET IN THE POOL, OR GET OUT. 311 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,981 ♪ LADIES FIRST ♪ 312 00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:11,149 ♪ THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ 313 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:12,550 ♪ IT'S PARTY TIME ♪ 314 00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,552 ♪ ALL THE GIRLS, THE GIRLS ARE ABOUT TO SHINE ♪ 315 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:15,720 ♪ LADIES, STAND UP ♪ 316 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:17,255 ♪ 'CAUSE IT WON'T BE LONG ♪ 317 00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:19,190 ♪ AND YOU'RE LOOKING SO GOOD AND THE PARTY'S ON ♪ 318 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,960 ♪ 'CAUSE THE BEAT DON'T STOP, YOU'RE ON TOP OF THE WORLD ♪ 319 00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,394 THIS IS THE MOST BLACK PEOPLE 320 00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:25,330 I HAVE EVER SEEN AT ONE TIME IN MINNESOTA. 321 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,099 - HEY! - OH, HEY! 322 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,500 I NEED YOUR EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT. 323 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:30,702 MY CRAPPY CELL PHONE DIED. 324 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,103 YOU SURE IT'S NOT JUST THE BATTERY? 325 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:33,705 YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A LOOK AT IT WHEN I GET HOME? 326 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,006 OH, YOU ARE PAUL'S WIFE. 327 00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:37,408 HELL NO! HE'S MY DADDY. 328 00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:38,910 CAN'T YOU TELL BY THE FAMILY RESEMBLANCE? 329 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,812 MYK, THIS IS ANDREA. 330 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,447 ANDREA'S JUST LIVING WITH US FOR A WHILE. 331 00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:43,882 HEY, MYK. 332 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,683 I THREW MY OLD PHONE OUT. I NEED TO UPGRADE. 333 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,086 OH, I CAN SHOW YOU SOME PHONES. 334 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,921 DO YOU MIND, PAUL? 335 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,389 BE MY GUEST. HEY! 336 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,224 YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER. 337 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,027 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANY CHEAP-ASS FLIP PHONES. 338 00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,962 I'M A BUSY GIRL WITH A LOT OF SHIT TO ORGANIZE. 339 00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,898 YOU CAN TAKE ME STRAIGHT TO THE SMART PHONES. 340 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,733 OKAY. 341 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,235 THE RIGHT PHONE DEPENDS ON THE FEATURES YOU NEED. 342 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,704 YOU LIKE MUSIC? - IS A PIG PORK? 343 00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,673 I LIKE MUSIC TOO. 344 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,708 SO WE HAVE SOME COOL PHONES FOR MUSIC FANS. 345 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:12,644 LOTS OF MEMORY, EASY TO NAVIGATE-- 346 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,146 YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ESCAPED FROM A JAMES BOND MOVIE. 347 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,314 ARE YOU RUSSIAN? 348 00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:18,483 FROM UKRAINE...WITH LOVE. 349 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:21,219 I'M A HUGE JAMES BOND FAN. I'VE SEEN ALL THE FILMS. 350 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,787 NO SHIT! ME TOO. 351 00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:24,155 HE'S PRETTY FINE FOR A WHITE DUDE, 352 00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:25,957 BUT THEY NEED TO MAKE THE NEXT BOND BLACK. 353 00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,359 AND THEN YOU COULD BE HIS PUSSY GALORE. 354 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,528 MAYBE I COULD BE IN THE MOVIE TOO. 355 00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,003 HEY. IS THIS WHAT YOU NEED? 356 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,506 COULDN'T FIND THE PHILLIPS HEAD IN MY DAD'S TOOLBOX. 357 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,309 I SHOULD SEND THIS MONSTROSITY BACK TO THE FACTORY. 358 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,611 BUT REBECCA SAYS WE NEED A BABY BOUNCER. 359 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,313 APPARENTLY KNEES ARE OUT OF FASHION. 360 00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:50,114 HEY... 361 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,016 WHY ARE YOU SCRATCH-TURBATING? 362 00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,719 IT FEELS LIKE MY DICK IS ON FIRE. 363 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,422 MUST BE A SEX THING. 364 00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,758 ALL RIGHT. 365 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:02,894 ALL RIGHT. DROP TROU. 366 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,662 I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT HOOKER YOU BROUGHT HOME 367 00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,764 WOULD LEAVE YOU A PARTING GIFT. 368 00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:07,900 DO IT! 369 00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:24,449 HOLY SHIT! 370 00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:25,950 YOU'RE CRAWLING WITH CRABS. 371 00:16:25,951 --> 00:16:27,018 GOD! 372 00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,353 HOW DO I GET THEM OFF? 373 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,754 THEY'RE FUCKING EVERYWHERE. 374 00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:31,789 I'M SURPRISED YOU HAVE ANY PENIS LEFT. 375 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,725 YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW DUDE. 376 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:36,027 ONE STIFF BREEZE, YOU COULD INFEST THIS ENTIRE HOUSE. 377 00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:38,129 DON'T TELL MY PARENTS. 378 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,331 SWEET JESUS, CATHY WAS GRINDING A TABLE THIS MORNING. 379 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,899 YOU MUST HAVE GIVEN THEM TO HER. 380 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:44,168 ADAM, YOU GOTTA TELL YOUR PARENTS RIGHT NOW. 381 00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,970 IF YOU DON'T SAY SOMETHING, I WILL. 382 00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:47,238 - OKAY. - GO! 383 00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:50,042 THIS IS A FUCKING PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS! 384 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,586 WHAT'S GOIN ON, BUD? 385 00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,822 IS IT YOUR ALGEBRA TE-- OH, DAMN IT! 386 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:06,190 ADAM, IS IT YOUR ALGEBRA TEST? 387 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,525 NO, MOM. 388 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,427 IS IT DRUGS? 389 00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:10,828 OH, GOD, THAT'S WHAT IT IS, ISN'T IT? 390 00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:13,664 NO. IT'S NOT DRUGS. 391 00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:14,699 YOU'RE GAY. 392 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,200 BUDDY, 393 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,169 IF YOU'RE QUEER, WE'RE HERE. 394 00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:19,404 AND WE'LL GET USED TO IT. 395 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,738 I'M NOT GAY. 396 00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,106 OKAY, STOP GUESSING. 397 00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:23,708 WELL THEN TELL US WHAT IT IS. 398 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,210 I HAVE CRABS! AND SO DO YOU GUYS. 399 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:30,248 AND YOU PROBABLY GOT IT FROM ME. 400 00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:33,518 CRABS? 401 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:36,621 WAIT, YOU'RE HAVING SEX? 402 00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,890 NO! 403 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,725 YOU'RE TOO YOUNG. 404 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,026 HOW DID WE GET CRABS FROM YOU? 405 00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,528 I HAD SEX IN YOUR... 406 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:44,629 IN YOUR BED. 407 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:48,032 - OH! OH! - WHAT? 408 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,401 EXCUSE ME? 409 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,639 AND I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THE TREATMENT WAS WORKING. 410 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,941 GOD DAMN IT! 411 00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:08,152 WAIT, I DON'T GET IT. 412 00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:10,254 IT'S A SHAMPOO, MIA. 413 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,789 TO GET RID OF CRABS. 414 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,558 I TRUSTED YOU. 415 00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:15,093 AND WHAT'S WORSE IS ADAM TRUSTED YOU. 416 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,028 AND YOU HAVE HURT HIM BY SLEEPING AROUND. 417 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:21,065 AND NOW YOU HAVE GIVEN HIM AND OUR ENTIRE FAMILY CRABS. 418 00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:23,734 AND I KNOW THAT IT MIGHT SOUND SELFISH, BUT I NEED TO BE 419 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:26,370 AS HEALTHY AS I CAN DURING A CLINICAL TRIAL. 420 00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:27,606 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 421 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,377 ADAM AND I HAVEN'T HAD SEX. 422 00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:35,780 OH, JESUS-- 423 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,948 I'M DONE WITH THAT ASSHOLE! 424 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,783 NO! NO! NO! 425 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,685 DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HIM. I AM THE ASSHOLE. 426 00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,853 NOT ADAM. 427 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,155 YOU ARE A TERRIFIC GIRL. 428 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:46,357 AND I KNOW ADAM REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU. 429 00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:49,961 SO JUST PROMISE ME YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 430 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,329 DON'T DO ANYTHING RASH. 431 00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,832 AND I USE THAT TERM LOOSELY. 432 00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,679 I CAN'T FIND MY FAVORITE SWEATER. 433 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,582 AND I JUST HOPE IT ISN'T IN HERE, GETTING INFESTED. 434 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,952 OTHERWISE, MY DRY-CLEANING BILL IS GOING TO BE HUGE. 435 00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:17,355 YOU MUST BE SO SKEEVED OUT. 436 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:18,623 CRABS! 437 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:20,191 ON ALL OF YOUR STUFF. 438 00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:23,828 YOU'VE HAD HUNDREDS OF PARASITES LIVING ON YOUR VAG. 439 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,631 I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE. 440 00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:28,366 HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN SOPHMORE YEAR AND YOUR SEMESTER 441 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,534 OF SYPHILIS? 442 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:30,768 THAT WAS IN COLLEGE. 443 00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:33,571 AND I GOT THEM FROM MY BOYFRIEND, NOT MY SON. 444 00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:36,207 GRANTED, IT'S NOT ADAM'S FINEST HOUR. 445 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:38,309 DO YOU THINK YOU HELD HIM ENOUGH WHEN HE WAS A BABY? 446 00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,845 - WHAT? - ALL THE PARENTING BOOKS SAY 447 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:44,182 A MOTHER'S TOUCH IS A VITAL PART OF A CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT. 448 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,850 NO OFFENSE, REBECCA, 449 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,052 BUT I DON'T NEED A BOOK TO TE ME HOW TO RAISE MY SON. 450 00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:51,122 IT ISN'T CHEATING TO ASK FOR HELP, CATHY. 451 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,723 FROM A BOOK, FROM A FRIEND. 452 00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:55,459 I WAS RIGHT ABOUT ADAM HAVING SEX, 453 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,028 WASN'T I? - YOU WERE HALF RIGHT. 454 00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,498 AND NOW THANKS TO YOU, I ACCUSED MIA OF BEING A SLUT, 455 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:01,866 AND NOW I'VE MADE EVERYTHING WORSE. 456 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,067 I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP. 457 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,869 PARENTING IS NOT ABOUT GUESSING WHEN YOUR KID 458 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,137 IS HAVING SEX. 459 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,906 IT'S ABOUT COMMUNICATING BEFORE SEX HAPPENS. 460 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,742 YEAH, HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU? 461 00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:12,977 HERE! HERE'S YOUR SWEATER. 462 00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,645 GREAT! 463 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:17,282 THANK YOU. 464 00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:24,855 HEY. UH, SORRY I'M LATE. 465 00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,857 BUT, UH, WE STILL GOT AN HOUR TILL MOVIE STARTS. 466 00:20:26,858 --> 00:20:28,593 SO YOU READY TO GO? 467 00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:31,062 I DON'T KNOW. 468 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,930 IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME FIRST? 469 00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:35,166 NOT REALLY. 470 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,269 THERE'S NOTHING NEW GOING ON WITH YOU? 471 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:42,673 NO, NO. JUST THE SAME OLD CRAP. 472 00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:47,044 YOUR MOM TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR CRABS. 473 00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:50,781 YEAH, SO WHOEVER YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH, 474 00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:53,584 I HOPE THAT SHE KNOWS WHAT A PIG YOU ARE. 475 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,286 AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 476 00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:56,520 WHAT? NO, WAIT! 477 00:20:56,521 --> 00:20:58,022 WAIT. 478 00:20:58,023 --> 00:21:00,691 OKAY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT. SHE BASICALLY ATTACKED ME. 479 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:02,893 COME ON! 480 00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:06,832 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DUMP ME WHEN MY MOM IS SO SICK. 481 00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:20,144 HEY, HONEY. 482 00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:21,979 PAUL, YOU SHOULDN'T COME HOME FOR LUNCH. 483 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,347 YOU JUST END UP INHALING YOUR FOOD 484 00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:24,548 AND THEN RACING OUT THE DOOR AGAIN. 485 00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:25,750 YOU'LL GET HEARTBURN. 486 00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,852 BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT 487 00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,453 FOR THE 45 MINUTES OF FREEDOM. 488 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,692 WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO, MOM? 489 00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:36,294 EXCUSE ME? 490 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,628 WHY DID YOU TELL MIA I HAD CRABS? 491 00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:39,330 YOU JUST FUCKED EVERYTHING UP BETWEEN ME AND HER. 492 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:40,831 HEY! YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH! 493 00:21:40,832 --> 00:21:42,667 YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS, THEN LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS. 494 00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:44,201 BUT DON'T YOU DARE YELL AT ME LIKE THAT. 495 00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:47,438 I'M YOUR MOTHER. YOU ARE 15 YEARS OLD. 496 00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:49,774 AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HONEST WITH US. 497 00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:51,475 WHO ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH OTHER THAN MIA? 498 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:52,877 JESUS! MOM, YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW 499 00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,979 EVERY DETAIL OF MY LIFE. 500 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,648 OKAY. THEN HOW BOUT JUST THE DETAIL 501 00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:00,951 THAT INVOLVES GIVING THE ENTIRE FAMILY VD. 502 00:22:00,952 --> 00:22:04,790 OKAY, FINE. I HAD SEX WITH A FUCKING HOOKER. 503 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:09,861 WHAT DID YOU SAY? 504 00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:16,300 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PARENT YOU ANYMORE. 505 00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:18,202 I'VE TRIED MICROMANAGING YOU. 506 00:22:18,203 --> 00:22:20,004 I'VE TRIED THE LAISSEZ-FAIRE APPROACH. 507 00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:21,505 SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO? 508 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,341 HOW ABOUT YOU JUST STOP FUCKING WITH MY LIFE? 509 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,775 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 510 00:22:24,776 --> 00:22:26,610 WHY DON'T YOU STOP FUCKING WITH OUR LIVES? 511 00:22:26,611 --> 00:22:30,047 OH, AND STOP FUCKING. 512 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:32,950 YOU BROUGHT A DISEASE INTO OUR HOME 513 00:22:32,951 --> 00:22:34,819 THAT NOW WE'RE ALL FORCED TO DEAL WITH. 514 00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:37,189 YEAH, WELL NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS. 515 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:49,800 HEY, BUDDY. 516 00:22:49,801 --> 00:22:50,968 HEY, OWEN. 517 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:53,604 FEW MINUTES LATE, HUH? 518 00:22:53,605 --> 00:22:54,872 NO WORRIES, IT'S COOL. 519 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:55,906 THANKS, MAN. 520 00:22:55,907 --> 00:22:58,109 HEY, UH, OWEN LOOK. 521 00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:00,611 MYK IS REALLY INTERESTED IN INTERVIEWING 522 00:23:00,612 --> 00:23:02,346 FOR THAT JOB ON THE SALES FLOOR. 523 00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:04,348 ANY CHANCE HE CAN CHAT WITH YOU ABOUT THAT? 524 00:23:04,349 --> 00:23:06,083 YEAH, HE'S BEEN BUGGING ME ABOUT THAT FOR WEEKS. 525 00:23:06,084 --> 00:23:07,752 IT'S SO FUCKING ANNOYING. 526 00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,253 THERE'S, LIKE, TEN DIFFERENT ACCENTS IN THIS STORE. 527 00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:12,323 MEANWHILE, MY BROTHER'S BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR TWO YEARS. 528 00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:14,024 CAN'T GET HIS FOOT IN THE DOOR ANYWHERE. 529 00:23:14,025 --> 00:23:15,960 FUCKING RETARDED, RIGHT? 530 00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,461 HEY, WATCH IT. 531 00:23:17,462 --> 00:23:20,464 MY GRANDFATHER HAD AN ACCENT. I MEAN, A BROGUE ACTUALLY. 532 00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:22,400 BUT, UH, EVERYBODY'S FROM SOMEWHERE, RIGHT OWEN? 533 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:23,567 I MEAN, IT'S A GOOD THING. 534 00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:25,102 A HUNDRED YEARS AGO MAYBE. 535 00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:27,705 BEFORE EVERYBODY DECIDED TO FUCK AMERICA OVER. 536 00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:29,273 CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM WITH CUSTOMERS? 537 00:23:29,274 --> 00:23:30,541 "HELLO, MY NAME IS MIKHAIL. 538 00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:32,443 CAN I PLEASE TO HELP YOU PLEASE?" 539 00:23:32,444 --> 00:23:35,112 LISTEN, YOU FUCKING LITTLE WEASEL. 540 00:23:35,113 --> 00:23:36,614 CALM DOWN, PAUL. SHIT. 541 00:23:36,615 --> 00:23:38,416 YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT SHIT 'CAUSE YOUR NAME TAG SAYS 542 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,217 ASSISTANT MANAGER. 543 00:23:40,218 --> 00:23:42,453 YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY TO WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU. 544 00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:45,022 THIS IS A SHIT JOB. AND YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. 545 00:23:45,023 --> 00:23:46,524 STOP YELLING AT ME. 546 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:49,493 THE WAY YOU TALK TO MYK IS NOT ONLY WRONG, IT'S ILLEGAL. 547 00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:51,228 THIS IS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 548 00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:52,730 YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR LITTLE NAME TAG, 549 00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:56,735 YOU GET WITH THE PROGRAM, FUCKING QUICK! 550 00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:07,112 YOU PEED IN YOUR PANTS, MAN? 551 00:24:09,314 --> 00:24:10,815 THAT'S AWESOME. 552 00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:15,252 THANK YOU. I GOT THE PROMOTION. 553 00:24:15,253 --> 00:24:16,954 WAY TO GO, MYK! 554 00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:18,122 HEY! 555 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:20,124 WOW, FANCY VODKA. IS THAT, LIKE, 556 00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:22,993 REAL GOLD FLAKES IN THE BOTTLE? 557 00:24:22,994 --> 00:24:24,395 THAT IS SO COOL! 558 00:24:24,396 --> 00:24:26,564 THAT'S FOR YOUR DAUGHTER ANDREA TOO. 559 00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:29,033 AND THANKS TO HER, MAN, I WAS ALREADY AN EXPERIENCED SALESMAN 560 00:24:29,034 --> 00:24:31,937 WHEN I TALKED TO OWEN. 561 00:24:33,171 --> 00:24:34,972 CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING ABOUT HER? 562 00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:36,207 SHOOT. 563 00:24:36,208 --> 00:24:38,676 WOULD IT BE OKAY IF I ASK HER OUT? 564 00:24:38,677 --> 00:24:40,244 GO AHEAD. 565 00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:41,779 ASK ME. 566 00:24:41,780 --> 00:24:43,747 ANDREA, WOULD YOU LIKE-- 567 00:24:43,748 --> 00:24:45,483 I'M JUST GONNA TELL YOU STRAIGHT UP. 568 00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,651 IF YOU'RE A CHUBBY CHASER, YOU'RE SHIT OUT OF LUCK 569 00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:49,520 'CAUSE I DON'T DO NOTHING FREAKY WITH MY FAT. 570 00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:52,022 NOW I DON'T SEE MYSELF AS SKINNY, 571 00:24:52,023 --> 00:24:54,158 BUT I DO SEE MYSELF AS A LADY. 572 00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:57,629 SO YOU BEST COME CORRECT. 573 00:24:59,297 --> 00:25:01,166 IS THAT AMERICAN FOR "YES?" 574 00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:08,472 SO WHY ARE YOU GUYS OUT OF YOUR CARS? 575 00:25:08,473 --> 00:25:10,441 OH, HI, CATHY. PRACTICE HAS BEEN CANCELED 576 00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:13,711 UNTIL WE CAN FIGURE OUT THIS COACHING SITUATION. 577 00:25:13,712 --> 00:25:18,649 IT'S COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT YOU HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM 578 00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:20,351 WITH YOUR PRIVATE AREA. 579 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,453 - WHAT? - I KNOW IT'S EMBARRASSING. 580 00:25:22,454 --> 00:25:24,522 BUT IT'S HARD TO HIDE SOMETHING LIKE THIS 581 00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:26,090 IN THE AGE OF FACEBOOK. 582 00:25:26,091 --> 00:25:28,893 I DON'T HAVE CRABS. I HAD CRABS. 583 00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,394 YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME FIRED BECAUSE OF THAT? 584 00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:31,562 NO, NO. 585 00:25:31,563 --> 00:25:33,230 WE'RE SIMPLY ASKING YOU TO STEP ASIDE. 586 00:25:33,231 --> 00:25:35,065 WE REALLY APPRECIATE YOU FILLING IN AS COACH. 587 00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:36,901 NO, I AM THE COACH. 588 00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:38,536 YOU EXPOSED THESE KIDS 589 00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:41,372 TO A POTENTIAL HEALTH RISK BY GETTING IN THAT POOL. 590 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:42,706 ON TOP OF THE OTHER DISEASE. 591 00:25:42,707 --> 00:25:44,675 - EXCUSE ME? - LET'S FACE IT. 592 00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:46,877 NOBODY'S TALKING ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. 593 00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:49,046 THE FACT IS YOU HAVE CANCER. 594 00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:51,148 HOW ARE YOU GONNA COACH WHEN YOU'RE IN AND OUT OF HOSPITALS? 595 00:25:51,149 --> 00:25:52,583 I MEAN WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE IS GOING 596 00:25:52,584 --> 00:25:53,918 TO GO WRONG WITH YOU THIS YEAR? 597 00:25:53,919 --> 00:25:56,186 WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT THE FUTURE OF THE TEAM. 598 00:25:56,187 --> 00:25:57,621 AND YOU, OF COURSE. 599 00:25:57,622 --> 00:26:00,190 IS THIS ABOUT MY CRABS OR MY CANCER? 600 00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:02,560 THIS IS ABOUT MY DAUGHTER GETTING A SWIMMING SCHOLARSHIP 601 00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,461 TO PAY FOR COLLEGE. 602 00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:06,330 THIS JOB MAY MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT 603 00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:07,531 GRETA'S FUTURE HERE. 604 00:26:07,532 --> 00:26:09,166 IF THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL, 605 00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:11,135 WHY DID YOU HIRE ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? 606 00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:14,639 EVERYBODY'S AFRAID TO SAY NO TO THE LADY WITH CANCER. 607 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,745 WOW! 608 00:26:23,348 --> 00:26:26,884 CONGRATULATIONS TO ME, I GOT MY FIRST PITY JOB. 609 00:26:26,885 --> 00:26:29,453 NOW, I'D TELL YOU TO TAKE YOUR PITY AND SHOVE IT, 610 00:26:29,454 --> 00:26:32,189 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT... 611 00:26:32,190 --> 00:26:33,958 I DON'T CARE. 612 00:26:33,959 --> 00:26:36,460 I MEAN, IF THIS IS WHY I GOT THE JOB, SCREW IT, I'LL TAKE IT. 613 00:26:36,461 --> 00:26:38,095 BECAUSE I LOVE MY JOB. 614 00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:39,763 YOU MAY HAVE HIRED ME FOR THE WRONG REASONS, 615 00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:43,634 BUT IF YOU TRY AND FIRE THE LADY WITH CANCER, 616 00:26:43,635 --> 00:26:45,703 YOU BETTER HIRE A DAMN GOOD LAWYER. 617 00:26:45,704 --> 00:26:50,240 - WHAT A BITCH! - YEAH, I AM A BITCH! 618 00:26:50,241 --> 00:26:54,545 I'M A TOUGH, BRAVE BITCH. 619 00:26:54,546 --> 00:26:56,280 AND IF YOU LET ME, I WILL TURN 620 00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:59,016 ALL OF THESE GIRLS INTO TOUGH BRAVE BITCHES TOO. 621 00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:02,152 WHO COULD GO ALL THE WAY TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP. 622 00:27:02,153 --> 00:27:04,388 NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND, 623 00:27:04,389 --> 00:27:06,624 I'M GOING TO TAKE MY TEAM, WHOEVER'S STILL ON IT, 624 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:09,660 OUT FOR A RUN. 44741

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