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1
00:00:02,234 --> 00:00:05,271
[ Theme music playing ]
2
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:07,073
[ Laughs ]
3
00:00:07,139 --> 00:00:09,041
[ Lever clicks ]
4
00:00:09,108 --> 00:00:16,108
♪♪
5
00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,152
It's alive!
6
00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:22,188
[ Robot chicken clucking ]
7
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:27,960
♪♪
8
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:30,062
[ Laughing evilly ]
9
00:00:30,129 --> 00:00:36,770
♪♪
10
00:00:37,436 --> 00:00:39,271
Oh, my God.
We're gonna die!
11
00:00:39,337 --> 00:00:41,607
I didn't want to do this
in the first place!
12
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,008
We're gonna die.
13
00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:44,543
Oh, no,
it's happening!
14
00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:46,211
-Ah!
-Oh, phew.
15
00:00:46,278 --> 00:00:47,646
-Whew!
-Wow, I saw my life
flash before my eyes.
16
00:00:47,713 --> 00:00:49,181
-We really avoided --
-That was terrible.
17
00:00:49,248 --> 00:00:51,016
Ah, I thought that
was gonna be so much worse.
18
00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:52,017
[ Goose honks ]
19
00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:53,318
-Aww, look at the goose!
-That's so cute.
20
00:00:53,385 --> 00:00:54,787
-So cute, look at that goose.
-Oh, that's so cool.
21
00:00:59,224 --> 00:01:01,560
I heard she took
a two-foot shit.
22
00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:02,728
For real?
23
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,297
♪♪
24
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,965
Finally,
home after a long day
25
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:10,236
of being the first president
of the United States.
26
00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:11,871
[ Giggles ]
Who are you?!
27
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,539
I'm George Washington Barbie.
28
00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:14,873
This is my life.
29
00:01:14,939 --> 00:01:17,744
Are you saying you want to
kill me and then pose as me,
30
00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:18,911
George Washington,
31
00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:21,447
a man who is 6'3",
has wooden teeth,
32
00:01:21,513 --> 00:01:24,450
and is the President
of the United States?
33
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:26,419
I cannot tell a lie.
34
00:01:26,485 --> 00:01:27,686
[ Gunshot ]
Ah!
35
00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:29,322
Now to complete
my look.
36
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,424
[ Grunting ]
37
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:34,093
♪♪
38
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,595
Hmm.
39
00:01:35,661 --> 00:01:36,996
Ahhh!
40
00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:39,232
[ Crying ]
41
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,801
♪♪
42
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,570
Mm, perfect!
43
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:45,904
Hello, Mr. Washington.
44
00:01:45,971 --> 00:01:47,005
You shrunk, Sir.
45
00:01:47,072 --> 00:01:49,341
Hi, John Adams.
[ Chuckles ] Cute wig.
46
00:01:49,408 --> 00:01:51,176
I am so sorry,
I don't want to ask this,
47
00:01:51,243 --> 00:01:53,946
but aren't you
supposed to be a guy?
48
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:55,547
I am.
49
00:01:55,614 --> 00:01:57,049
Well, the teeth
are accurate.
50
00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:58,651
And check this out.
51
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:01,019
Does this look like
a girl part to you?
52
00:02:01,086 --> 00:02:02,221
I don't know if you know this,
sir,
53
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,090
but your penis
has termites.
54
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,659
[ Screams ]
55
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,259
Ahh!
56
00:02:07,326 --> 00:02:11,197
I declare the White House
a dream house.
57
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:12,397
[ Applause ]
58
00:02:12,464 --> 00:02:14,733
Man: George Washington Barbie
never told a lie,
59
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,802
except for the lie
that she was George Washington,
60
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:19,371
although she was
George Washington Barbie.
61
00:02:19,438 --> 00:02:20,373
The end.
62
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,810
♪♪
63
00:02:24,877 --> 00:02:28,381
Oh, man.
You have insurance, right?
64
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:29,182
Nope.
65
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,116
Oh, man.
66
00:02:31,183 --> 00:02:34,753
Oh, boy, "Empire Strikes Back"
is my favorite movie.
67
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:37,590
"Luke, I am your father."
68
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:40,959
Darth Vader:
No, I am your father.
69
00:02:41,026 --> 00:02:43,328
[ Stammers ]
That's not the line.
70
00:02:43,395 --> 00:02:45,965
Young nerd,
Darth Vader never said "Luke"
71
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:46,999
in that famous line.
72
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:49,969
[ Gasps ]
The ghost of Nelson Mandela.
73
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,905
You're experiencing
the Mandela effect.
74
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,174
It's named for
a collective false memory.
75
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,142
Like when people
remember me dying in prison
76
00:02:57,209 --> 00:03:00,479
in the '80s when I actually died
at home in 2013.
77
00:03:00,546 --> 00:03:01,846
Oh, like
"The Berenstain Bears"
78
00:03:01,913 --> 00:03:03,716
actually being
"The Berenstein Bears."
79
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,384
It's actually
the other way around.
80
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,320
Or is it?
81
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,454
Agree to disagree.
82
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,689
Well, we need
to fix "Star Wars."
83
00:03:10,756 --> 00:03:12,825
If only there was a way to go
back in time.
84
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:15,461
There is.
Take my hand.
85
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,930
Your hand
is a time machine?
86
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:18,965
Pretty cool, right?
87
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,433
Suck a "D,"
Bill and Ted.
88
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,302
[ Gasps ]
The original script.
89
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,771
I'll fix the line
so it's the way I remember it.
90
00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:28,874
[ Mumbles ]
But there's more!
91
00:03:28,941 --> 00:03:30,509
Remember
when Forrest Gump said,
92
00:03:30,576 --> 00:03:33,145
"Life is like a box
of chocolates"?
93
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:34,446
He actually said...
94
00:03:34,513 --> 00:03:39,085
Mama always said life was like
a box of chocolates.
95
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,654
We got to correct this.
96
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,556
Excuse me, Mr. Hanks,
the studio said
97
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:44,624
you got to change
that line.
98
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,092
[ Whispering ]
99
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,493
For legal reasons.
100
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,360
Thanks so much.
101
00:03:48,427 --> 00:03:49,628
Fucking bean counters.
102
00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:51,397
Always stepping
on my art.
103
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:53,198
Okay, back to one.
104
00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:55,567
Remember Curious George
the monkey?
105
00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:59,205
Well, did you know
he never actually had a tail?
106
00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:00,773
Excuse me, H.A. Rey,
no big deal,
107
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:01,840
just emergency services.
108
00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:03,842
Here, I'll take that.
109
00:04:03,909 --> 00:04:07,213
Oh, I knew this monkey
was missing something.
110
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,814
Now let's go back
to current times
111
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:11,517
to enjoy the fruits
of our labor.
112
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,185
Darth Vader: No, Luke,
113
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:17,122
I am a closer relative
than you think.
114
00:04:17,189 --> 00:04:19,191
Oh, no, my penmanship.
115
00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:20,960
I made it worse.
It's okay.
116
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,729
Turn on "Forrest Gump."
117
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,032
Life is a box.
118
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,334
Oh, no.
119
00:04:29,401 --> 00:04:31,671
Well, at least Curious George
doesn't have to say anything.
120
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:34,573
Turn on PBS.
121
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,709
Not what I pictured,
but I like it.
122
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,343
A big monkey wiener?
123
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,947
I bet everyone
will be curious about that.
124
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,916
[ Both laugh ]
125
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,286
Oh, mm.
Oh, baby.
126
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,754
Unh. Oh, baby.
127
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:49,990
Do I have to leave
this thing on?
128
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:53,292
Yeah, you spin that web.
129
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:54,893
[ Grunts ]
130
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,095
Mmm.
[ Laughs ]
131
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,797
Want a cereal
that tastes great
132
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,265
and helps release
pent-up rage?
133
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:00,332
Yeah!
134
00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:02,334
Time to give breakfast
what it deserves.
135
00:05:02,401 --> 00:05:03,935
Z-oh-diacs --
the nutritious
136
00:05:04,002 --> 00:05:05,404
whole-grain cereal
with the excitement
137
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,105
of a late '60s
killing spree!
138
00:05:07,172 --> 00:05:09,275
Toasted oats
in the same fun shapes
139
00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:10,776
as my cryptograms.
140
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:13,546
And the back of every box
has a cypher puzzle.
141
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,982
Wow.
Delicious and entertaining?
142
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,182
Who are you?
143
00:05:17,249 --> 00:05:19,418
[ Laughs ]
Nobody knows,
144
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,854
which is why we've mixed in
multi-colored marshmallows
145
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,890
that look like the suspects
people thought I might be.
146
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:26,459
The police detective,
the librarian,
147
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:27,626
the Navy veteran.
148
00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:29,628
They even got the guy
with a deathbed confession.
149
00:05:29,695 --> 00:05:31,864
He's -- ha -- delicious!
150
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:32,798
And also not guilty.
151
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,000
Murder-licious!
152
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,168
I hope
they never find you.
153
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,636
It's been 50 years.
154
00:05:37,703 --> 00:05:39,672
I'd say you've got
nothing to worry about,
155
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,373
except the safety
of your parents.
156
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,242
-[ Screams ]
-Z-oh-diacs --
157
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:45,245
Unsolvably delicious.
158
00:05:48,547 --> 00:05:50,783
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
159
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,085
♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
160
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:55,187
♪ And on that farm,
he had the only chickens ♪
161
00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:56,688
♪ Left in the galaxy ♪
162
00:05:56,755 --> 00:05:58,957
♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
163
00:05:59,024 --> 00:06:00,359
♪ With a snap-snap here ♪
164
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,761
♪ And a snap-snap there ♪
165
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:02,995
♪ Here a snap, there a snap ♪
166
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,229
♪ Everywhere a snap-snap ♪
167
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:06,332
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
168
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:10,269
♪ T-H-A-N-O ♪
169
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:11,237
Oh.
170
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,238
Oh, shit.
171
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,874
[ Siren wailing ]
172
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,411
[ Cheering ]
173
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,548
[ Crowd booing ]
174
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:26,586
♪♪
175
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:31,058
[ All shouting indistinctly ]
176
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,326
Whoa, this ain't Denny's.
177
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:36,662
It's a cool dance.
You guys a cult?
178
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,263
I was in a cult once.
They kicked me out
179
00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:40,866
for siphoning gas
from the cult leader's Camaro.
180
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,201
[ All shout indistinctly ]
181
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:43,969
Hey, you ever siphon gas?
182
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:47,240
It's a real easy way
to accidentally drink gas.
183
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,041
All: No! No way!
184
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,275
Oh, invisible kids.
185
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:52,278
Is it cool if I hit
my vape in here?
186
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,946
All: No, no!
187
00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:55,847
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
188
00:06:55,914 --> 00:06:57,717
I'd leave,
but I'm not real sure
189
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,318
how I got here
in the first place,
190
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:00,619
and the last thing
I remember,
191
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:03,022
I was sniffing a shit ton
of airplane glue.
192
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,289
No way, get out!
193
00:07:04,356 --> 00:07:08,194
Okay, that pokey, stabby
feeling feels real familiar.
194
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,229
That's definitely
a NARCAN injection.
195
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:11,697
Yeah.
Guess they're calling me home.
196
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,233
Arrivederci.
197
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:15,601
[ Cheering ]
198
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,169
♪♪
199
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:18,804
But why bats,
Master Bruce?
200
00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:19,971
Bruce:
They scare me, Alfred.
201
00:07:20,038 --> 00:07:22,742
I want my enemies
to experience that fear.
202
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,445
Let's take a look
at this baby.
203
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,013
[ Screams ]
I look like a giant bat!
204
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,381
Get me out of this thing!
205
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:31,449
[ Screaming ] Get it off,
get it off, get it off!
206
00:07:31,516 --> 00:07:33,419
Get it off! It's on my arm!
It's on my face!
207
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:35,421
Ahh! Fuck!
The bats are on me!
208
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,224
[ Screaming ]
209
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,358
I hate bats!
210
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,959
Oh! [ Screams ]
211
00:07:41,026 --> 00:07:42,761
I am a bat!
The bat is on me!
212
00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:44,963
[ Screams ]
It's all over me!
213
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,165
Get me out of this thing!
214
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:47,466
[ Screams ]
215
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:50,036
I'm inside the bat!
216
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,704
[ Gasps ] Cookies?
217
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:54,573
Yes, me accept.
218
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,409
Me click yes cookies.
219
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,677
Where cookies?
220
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,078
Ahhh! Cookies!
221
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:02,348
Cookies! No cookies?
What is real?
222
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,183
Me trust nothing.
223
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:07,352
Welcome to Domino's.
Can I interest you in a pizza?
224
00:08:07,419 --> 00:08:09,121
Everyone
on the fucking ground.
225
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,589
It's the Noid.
What?
226
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,959
The Domino's mascot
from 1986 to 1995.
227
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:15,828
He's the physical manifestation
of everything
228
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,396
that can go wrong
when ordering a pizza.
229
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:20,766
Nearly a decade of service
to the Domino's Corporation,
230
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,200
and how did they repay me?
231
00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:24,069
By kicking me
to the curb!
232
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:25,871
What went wrong,
Mr. Noid?
233
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:29,107
In 1996, a man
with the last name Noid
234
00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:32,312
took a Domino's hostage,
believing the Noid was created
235
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,245
to mock him.
236
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:35,080
His demands --
free pizza,
237
00:08:35,146 --> 00:08:38,550
a white limo, and the end of the
Noid in Domino's advertising.
238
00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:41,253
And those spineless suits
caved to him.
239
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,521
Wait, is this shit real?
240
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,156
Yeah.
Check the Wikipedia page.
241
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:47,226
Point is, now I'm the one
with the gun,
242
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:50,061
and I demand that Domino's
bring back the Noid.
243
00:08:50,128 --> 00:08:52,264
[ Siren wails ]
Man: Come on out
with your hands up.
244
00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:55,701
Not unless Domino's brings back
the Noid.
245
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:59,038
Uh, oh, okay.
Sure, we can do that.
246
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:02,242
Shit.
The Noid is back, baby!
247
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,310
[ Gunfire ]
248
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,612
[ Tires squeal, siren wails ]
249
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:11,016
Can I get garlic knots
with those meat lover pizzas?
250
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,119
Yodels, Ho Hos,
Doodles,
251
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,856
Ding Dongs, Ring Dings,
King Dons, Ring Kings,
252
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,324
Ring Dongs,
Ding Ring Dongs,
253
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,292
Ding Dang Doodle Dogs.
254
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,560
Dad!
Mom's doing it again.
255
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,495
Triple Dipple Ding Dong
Dipple Dongs.
256
00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:26,865
[ Indistinct conversations ]
257
00:09:26,932 --> 00:09:29,068
Oh hey, so that's season 11.
258
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,069
Thanks to the musical guests,
Yaboobas.
259
00:09:31,136 --> 00:09:33,172
Also, thanks
to the Zodiac Killer...
Not guilty.
260
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,040
...the ghost of Nelson Mandela,
and of course,
261
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,908
both slices
of American cheese.
262
00:09:36,975 --> 00:09:38,410
Oh,
and Tom Hanks' brother, Jim.
263
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:39,478
Thanks, Jim!
Yeah.
264
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:41,246
See you next year
if we don't get canceled.
265
00:09:41,313 --> 00:09:44,149
Good night, everybody!
266
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:48,053
I cannot wait to not see your
fucking face for six months.
267
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,788
Fuck you, fuck face.
268
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:52,691
Thanks for cutting my sketch
at the last minute, assholes.
269
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,893
I wasn't even in this episode.
[ Chuckles ]
270
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,996
That Noid sketch went over
like a brick balloon, huh?
271
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,631
[ Laughs ] Go back
and vote for Brexit,
272
00:09:58,698 --> 00:09:59,631
you fucking idiot.
273
00:09:59,698 --> 00:10:00,766
Your opinion means
nothing to me.
274
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,268
The Zodiac Killer
just escaped
275
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,468
with the whole
party sub.
276
00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:05,371
You know, on "Suits,"
we had a full taco bar
277
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,173
seven days a week.
278
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,641
I fucking love "Suits."
279
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,509
-Yeah.
-Taco bar.
280
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:13,179
[ Both shouting ]
281
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,181
I've had just about enough
of your bullshit.
282
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:19,051
I will punch a hole
through my own fucking face
283
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,922
if these goddamn credits
don't end right the fuck n--
284
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:31,197
♪♪
285
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:35,767
21, engage
the doom cannon.
286
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:38,437
Dude, we got canceled.
Forget it. It's over.
287
00:10:38,503 --> 00:10:40,239
Come on,
think of the fans, Doc.
288
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,573
Yeah,
that's what I'm doing.
289
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,044
They deserve better
this creepy Pinocchio bullshit.
290
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,779
Don't break the puppet,
dude.
291
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:48,382
We could sell it
on eBay.
19977
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