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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,234 --> 00:00:05,237 [ Theme music plays ] 2 00:00:05,304 --> 00:00:07,006 [ Laughs ] 3 00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:12,378 ♪♪ 4 00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:17,617 ♪♪ 5 00:00:17,683 --> 00:00:19,152 Man: It's alive! 6 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:26,219 ♪♪ 7 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,295 [ Laughs ] 8 00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:33,666 ♪♪ 9 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:35,701 [ Laughs ] 10 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,871 Aah! Oh, no! Aah! Aah! 11 00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,806 [ Roars ] Aah! Oh, God! 12 00:00:40,873 --> 00:00:42,975 [ Screaming ] 13 00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:44,410 Aah! Aah! A fucking shark! 14 00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:45,711 [ Screaming ] 15 00:00:45,778 --> 00:00:47,579 [ Record scratching ] 16 00:00:47,646 --> 00:00:49,081 One on land. 17 00:00:49,148 --> 00:00:51,750 One at sea. 18 00:00:51,817 --> 00:00:54,553 Theirs was a forbidden love. 19 00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,355 Just kill me already! 20 00:00:56,422 --> 00:00:58,724 The world was against them. 21 00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:01,794 We have to separate them. If they team up, we're dead. 22 00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:03,663 -No bloody way! -No! 23 00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:06,833 Man: [ Straining ] They must not mate! 24 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:10,536 [ Dramatic music plays ] 25 00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:16,442 ♪♪ 26 00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:19,145 Can true love prevail? 27 00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:22,047 "Surt 28 00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:23,315 From Universal. 29 00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:26,217 [ Suspenseful music plays ] 30 00:01:26,284 --> 00:01:30,123 Kraken, feast your eyes upon the terrible Medusa. 31 00:01:32,858 --> 00:01:35,127 Throwing effort. 32 00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:37,964 There. That felt like a safe way to get rid of that. 33 00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:42,535 Ow! Hey, who's playing Chad for a fool? 34 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,936 [ Yowls ] 35 00:01:45,003 --> 00:01:49,108 Oh, shit. With power like that, it could finally be Chad's time! 36 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,976 Let's go, hon. To the clubs! 37 00:01:51,043 --> 00:01:52,344 End of the line, 38 00:01:52,411 --> 00:01:54,380 unless you got some pretty girls with you. 39 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,750 I got a girl that'll make you rock hard, brah. 40 00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:59,552 Turn into stone! 41 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:00,653 Yeah! We're in. 42 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,787 [ Medusa shrieking ] 43 00:02:01,854 --> 00:02:03,155 -Oh! -Oh! 44 00:02:03,222 --> 00:02:05,492 Yo, yo. Two cinnamon whiskeys and Red Bulls, please. 45 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,159 Aah! 46 00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:08,427 ♪ Oh, yeah, ah, ah ♪ 47 00:02:08,494 --> 00:02:09,761 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 48 00:02:09,828 --> 00:02:14,099 The Kraken's brother is here, and he is pissed! 49 00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:15,869 Guess it's up to Chad. Man: No! 50 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:18,904 [ Roars ] 51 00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:22,308 Feast your peepers on this, bitch. 52 00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:23,943 Uh, babe... Sorry, bro. 53 00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:25,844 I took some bad ketamine at the club. 54 00:02:25,911 --> 00:02:27,447 I'm gonna keel. 55 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,450 Whoa! Cha... 56 00:02:30,249 --> 00:02:32,184 Mario, I met someone new. 57 00:02:32,251 --> 00:02:34,153 I'm sorry, but I'm leaving you. 58 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,155 Huh? For who? 59 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,090 Timothée Chalamet? 60 00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:40,626 You gotta be shitting me. -Ha ha. What's up? 61 00:02:40,693 --> 00:02:43,462 I'm Timothée Chalamet, and I have a thing for peaches. 62 00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:46,499 Yeah, I know. We all know, you freak. Pitted peaches, unpitted peaches. 63 00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:49,001 [ Cellphone chimes ] Huh? 64 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,737 Oh, God. 65 00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:53,574 [ Cellphone chimes ] Huh? 66 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,342 [ Cellphone chimes ] 67 00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:57,710 [ Thud ] Aah! 68 00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:00,480 [ Speaking Spanish ] Aah! 69 00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,116 Aah! [ Speaking French ] 70 00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:06,185 I only downloaded the app to impress people 71 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,987 with the idea of me learning a new language. 72 00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:10,089 I don't actually have the time or discipline. 73 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:11,225 [ Laughs ] 74 00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:13,692 Aah! Aah! I promise. 75 00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:16,362 I will never miss another day of language practice again. 76 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:18,198 [ Speaking German ] 77 00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:22,935 [ Screaming ] 78 00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:26,772 [ Shouting in Spanish ] 79 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:28,475 [ Announcer speaking Spanish ] 80 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,210 [ Knock on door ] 81 00:03:32,277 --> 00:03:34,580 Hi. We're the pirates of Dark Water. 82 00:03:34,646 --> 00:03:37,049 We only found 8 of the 13 Treasures of Rule 83 00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:38,650 before Fox Kids canceled us, 84 00:03:38,717 --> 00:03:41,921 so now we're here to help you with your dark water. 85 00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,822 You talking about my runny stool? 86 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:46,625 -[ Clears throat ] -Your drinking water, ma'am. 87 00:03:46,692 --> 00:03:48,794 This water is disgusting. 88 00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:51,597 They rerouted the Flint River into our drinking water, 89 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,132 and it ate up the lead pipes. 90 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:55,401 The children were drinking liquid lead. 91 00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:57,536 This is great, great stuff. 92 00:03:57,603 --> 00:04:00,372 What the hell are you talking about, Sunburn? 93 00:04:00,439 --> 00:04:04,410 So we'd call it "Pirates of Dark Water: Operation Flint." 94 00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:06,211 Right. And who's the bad guy? 95 00:04:06,278 --> 00:04:09,581 A squid in a pirate hat named Squinty Flinty, 96 00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:12,518 who also happens to be the head of the Michigan Department 97 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,354 of Environmental Quality. 98 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,321 I am loving this. 99 00:04:16,388 --> 00:04:19,425 You want the good news or the bad news? 100 00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:20,759 Good news? 101 00:04:20,826 --> 00:04:23,262 I'm ordering 13 episodes right now. 102 00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:25,565 -We're back! -Good for us. 103 00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,399 Uh, and the bad news? 104 00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:29,568 Fox Kids folded 20 years ago. 105 00:04:29,635 --> 00:04:31,803 I rescued that logo out of a Dumpster on my last day 106 00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:33,472 and have been running "Fox Kids" 107 00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,273 here in my mom's guesthouse ever since. 108 00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:38,778 We have zero budget and make nothing. 109 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:39,946 We'll take it. 110 00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:41,213 Great. Sign here. 111 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,649 Click and sign. 112 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,250 Oh, Jesus Christ. 113 00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:46,618 [ Groans ] Mitch, where are we? 114 00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:48,287 What's this thing on my head? 115 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,555 Jigsaw: Mitch and Maggie, 116 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,957 your selfish natures led to your divorce, 117 00:04:52,024 --> 00:04:54,092 and now you'll test whether your love 118 00:04:54,159 --> 00:04:55,928 ever meant anything at all. 119 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:58,030 Maggie has a reverse bear trap 120 00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:01,867 that will split open her skull in one minute. Aah! 121 00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,603 The key's hidden in the stomach of this woman. 122 00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:08,407 Who lives, who dies -- Make your choice. 123 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,376 Oh, shit. Oh, God, oh, God! 124 00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,678 Vicki! My much younger fiancée?! 125 00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,280 I'm so sorry, Vicki, but I just realized 126 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:15,614 I still have feelings for my ex-wife. 127 00:05:15,681 --> 00:05:17,516 I mean, she's the mother of my two girls. 128 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,151 Stab! Ow. 129 00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:20,485 Hurry! Oh, my stomach! 130 00:05:20,552 --> 00:05:23,455 Stab from the middle. You're doing it all wrong. 131 00:05:23,522 --> 00:05:25,858 Will you stop fucking micromanaging me?! 132 00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:27,893 I know how to stab someone. 133 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,094 I don't think our plan 134 00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:30,630 to get our parents back together is working. 135 00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,332 [ Bell dings ] 136 00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:33,532 Aah! 137 00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,369 Ah! There! See? You happy now? 138 00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:40,405 This is Billy the Puppet from "The Parent Death Trap." 139 00:05:40,472 --> 00:05:43,643 And you're watching Disney Plus. 140 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,779 [ Twinkle! ] 141 00:05:47,112 --> 00:05:48,881 ♪ I love my Pogs ♪ 142 00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:50,983 Here, hon. I bought you some toys. 143 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:52,818 Moon shoes! Thanks, Mom. 144 00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:54,152 You want to watch me bounce? 145 00:05:54,219 --> 00:05:56,654 Oh, sorry, honey. It's Mommy's meth time. 146 00:05:56,721 --> 00:05:58,558 [ Vehicle door opens, closes ] Lookit. These are so cool. 147 00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,659 Now, how do these shoes work? 148 00:06:00,726 --> 00:06:01,527 [ Boing! ] 149 00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:03,296 Whooooa! 150 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,463 Oh, shit! 151 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,666 [ Door opens ] 152 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,968 What is happening? [ Laughs ] 153 00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:12,838 You stupid Earthlings equip your brood with shoes 154 00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,740 that catapult them into the heavens. 155 00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:16,809 We track them to work as captives 156 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,845 on our diarrhea mines of Mazashi 12. 157 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,382 Diarrhea mines? Not today. 158 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,151 [ Gasps ] Soccer Boppers! 159 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,986 The Masashs' only weakness. 160 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,320 Have a little sock! 161 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:30,389 And the bopping! No! No! 162 00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,091 I am defeated. 163 00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:34,393 But you will not survive. 164 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:35,795 [ Alarm blaring ] 165 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,731 Whoooooo! 166 00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,768 Skip-It time! 167 00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:46,639 Mom, Mom! The moon shoes blasted me into outer space, 168 00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,073 but this Skip-It saved me. 169 00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:49,741 Oh, no, sweetie. The moon shoes broke 170 00:06:49,808 --> 00:06:51,476 your ankles almost immediately. 171 00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:53,945 You fell and cracked your skull open. 172 00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:56,548 This whole adventure is just the last of your neurons 173 00:06:56,615 --> 00:06:59,919 firing randomly before you die. 174 00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,487 Moon shoes! 175 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:03,656 ♪ '90 toys, we were there for you ♪ 176 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:05,659 ♪ When your parents were on meth ♪ 177 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:09,461 Mirror, mirror on the wall, 178 00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:12,964 who is the fairest of them all? 179 00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:18,037 I shall have to say it's Big Butt Mary in River Town. 180 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,607 My God, it's magnificent. 181 00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:23,409 Past Jedi, be with me. 182 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,910 Please, I need your help. 183 00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:26,411 -We're here, Rey. -Use the Force. 184 00:07:26,478 --> 00:07:29,481 Hey, hey, hey! Don't forget me, Yarael Poof. 185 00:07:29,548 --> 00:07:31,517 Remember me? From the Jedi Council. 186 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,819 Oh, gosh, it is dark and musty in here. 187 00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:35,754 I'm here for you, too, Rey. 188 00:07:35,821 --> 00:07:37,289 We're a dyad in the Force. 189 00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:40,461 Dyad? Oh. So are we just, like, making things up? 190 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,196 Uhh! So, hey, Rey. 191 00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:44,930 I can tag in any time. 192 00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:47,166 You know, if you want the help of an honest-to-goodness Jedi, 193 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,203 as opposed to Captain Emo or... 194 00:07:52,304 --> 00:07:53,538 She's gonna die. 195 00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:55,874 Force, healing power. [ Grunts ] 196 00:07:55,941 --> 00:07:58,343 Could we always just heal people with the Force like that? 197 00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,779 It seems to me that that would have been 198 00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:01,648 a useful thing to know. 199 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,286 I think, you know, I and a lot of other people assumed you two 200 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,921 were at the very least cousins. All I'm saying is maybe 201 00:08:09,988 --> 00:08:12,358 let's do a little back-of-the-napkin family tree 202 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,627 before we lock any lips, okay? 203 00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,227 Yarael Poof, is it? 204 00:08:16,294 --> 00:08:19,465 Could you grab my spaceship and bring it around to pick us up? 205 00:08:19,531 --> 00:08:21,500 Oh, yeah, great. Once again, 206 00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:24,503 Yarael the Jedi Master does the grunt work. Oy. 207 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:27,239 [ Weakly ] Giving you my life force. 208 00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:28,742 You're cousins! 209 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,310 [ Gasps ] 210 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:32,778 [ Crying ] 211 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,146 Cousins! 212 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:37,149 This holiday season on the Hallmark Channel... 213 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,684 I'm a recently divorced teacher who needed a change. 214 00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:42,288 I left my phone, my laptop, and my dignity at home 215 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,655 for a week in the mountains, 216 00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:45,858 but I never thought I'd find love amongst the trees. 217 00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:47,760 I'm a curmudgeonly lodge rental owner 218 00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,729 who's never given love a chance... 219 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,331 until now. [ Gasps ] 220 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,166 Oh, Cameron, I -- 221 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,399 Hold on. 222 00:08:54,466 --> 00:08:57,070 Do you feel like the trees just got closer? 223 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,004 What do you mean? 224 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:58,938 That! 225 00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,105 [ Both scream ] 226 00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,675 We can hide out in the lodge. 227 00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:05,010 Oh, fuck! 228 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,845 Why are there so many trees in here? 229 00:09:06,912 --> 00:09:09,381 How else will people know it's Christmas time? 230 00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:13,353 Ohh! This is not love amongst the trees! 231 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,255 [ Slurps ] Ahh! 232 00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,657 This is the life. 233 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,258 I love you, Doris. 234 00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,626 I love you, too, Fred. 235 00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:24,196 "Pining for Tree Love 3: Sappily Ever After." 236 00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:25,598 Only on the Hallmark Channel. 237 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:28,602 Hallmark. We cast more trees than people. 238 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,037 Man: We did it. We traveled through time 239 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,938 and saved the world. Yeah. 240 00:09:33,004 --> 00:09:36,276 Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna invent time travel. 241 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,410 Aah! 242 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:38,778 We are in the past. 243 00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,179 Where is the child? 244 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,882 He is the one who will invent time travel. Kill him. 245 00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:45,017 What did you do? 246 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,319 I just said, "I want to invent time travel." 247 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,855 Where is the inventor of time travel? 248 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:53,260 He must pay for what the future has become. 249 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,163 Death to the time child. 250 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,898 Energy volts. 251 00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:02,501 Do not invent time travel, young man! 252 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,503 I won't. I promise. 253 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,938 Oh, thank God. 254 00:10:06,004 --> 00:10:07,873 It's over. Good. 255 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,410 Because I totally want to invent time travel. 256 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,747 The future demands the child's death! 257 00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:16,348 What's wrong with you?! 258 00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:17,684 [ Wails ] 259 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:19,985 Aah! Aah! 260 00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:21,954 I am you, but from the future. 261 00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:24,556 Inventing time travel disrupted all of reality. 262 00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:27,593 You must give up your dream of inventing time travel. 263 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,028 Okay! But it would have been cool. 264 00:10:30,095 --> 00:10:32,231 Actually it's totally cool. 265 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,666 Ha! I knew it. 266 00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:36,402 Future me! Oh, come on! 267 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,004 Creature: Murder the Time Child! Murder him! 268 00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:41,207 You just lost your TV privileges, young man. 269 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,175 Oh, Dad! 270 00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:44,209 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 271 00:10:44,276 --> 00:10:45,544 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 272 00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:47,546 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 273 00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:48,714 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 274 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,049 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 275 00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,884 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 276 00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:52,885 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 277 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,219 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 278 00:10:54,285 --> 00:10:56,222 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 279 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,425 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 280 00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,496 Stoopid Monkey. 19378

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