All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 04x20 - High Anxiety

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

I didn't know you were
good at making malts.

Good? I'm an expert.

Didn't I tell you I worked in a malt
shop when I was in high school?

Soda jerk? No, thanks.
I'll have a malted.

Oh, thanks.

Aren't you gonna have one, Dorothy?
Oh, no.

After you've worked in a malt shop,
the greatest pleasure you can get

is slurping up
what's left in the blender.

(slurps)

Yum. (slurps)

Is it any wonder
I never breast-fed her?

What are you doing out?
I thought you were in your room.

I whittled a gun out of a bar of
soap and overpowered the guards.

I went to the mini-mall.

They opened a Little Slice
of Sicily pizzeria.

So I walk in, and this guy strikes
up a conversation with me.

Turns out he owns the chain and
wants me to be in a commercial.

Sophia, that's amazing!
I'll say.

It's rare you find anybody in a
mini-mall who even speaks English.

OK. OK, Ma. Where are you
going to shoot this commercial?

Well, we discussed
many exotic locations,

and we settled on...
right here.

Oh, now hold on.
I don't want a TV crew coming in here,

messing up my kitchen, setting
up all that video equipment.

How about shooting it
in your bedroom, Blanche?

The equipment's already set up.

Blanche, I don't think you're gonna have to worry.
It's not gonna happen.

Has anybody seen
a small bottle of pills?

Brown bottle, Patton's pharmacy label,
your name on the prescription?

Yeah.
Never saw it.

Ma.
All right.

Yesterday, I was looking for the oregano and
accidentally knocked them into the sink.

I forgot all about it.

Great. Now I won't be able to refill
the prescription till tomorrow.

Tomorrow's a holiday.
Pharmacy's closed.

Maybe I have another bottle
in my room.

I can't understand how you could forget
to tell Rose about that accident.

Forgive me, my memory's
not as good as it used to be.

Nothing on me
is as good as it used to be.

Once upon a time, I had a butt
you could bounce a quarter on.

Now you could lose a Krugerrand
in the creases.

Hello. Oh, I'm sorry, I hope
I'm not interrupting anything.

Dorothy, meet my director
Sy Ferber.

Sy, my daughter Dorothy.

Daughter?
You're kidding.

Sy, I assure you,
I won't be flattered

if you say you thought
she was my sister.

No, no. I just had an idea.

Little Slice of Sicily
is a family restaurant,

and a mother-daughter commercial
would be great.

How'd you like to be in it?

I don't know. I'd have to check my schedule.
You see, I'm a substitute teacher.

Please! So someone else
sets up the driver's-ed cones.

All right, Ma.

Actually, Sy, I'd be delighted to do it.
Beautiful!

Guess what. I'm going to be
in that commercial with Ma.

Dorothy, I told you I don't want
a bunch of strangers

traipsing through my kitchen.

We'll pay you $1,000 a day.

Allow me to give you
the grand tour.

Oh, no, don't come in here.
Everyone out!

What's wrong, Rose?

The slightest noise, and my
humpaflagel cake will fall.

Oh, why, why, why?

Rose!

Honey, calm down.
You could make another cake.

Look, we're gonna
set it up over here.

Dorothy, I'll put you here.
Sophia, I want you...

Excuse me, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I'm very upset.

Rose!

This man is paying me
$1,000 a day

to make a commercial
in my kitchen.

I live here. I've every right
to use this kitchen.

Miss, this'll only
take a second.

It'll only take a second to knock you on
your keister, buddy. What's it gonna be?

Look, if I wanted
this kind of abuse,

I'd be directing
The Roseanne Barr Show.

Oh, but, Sy... Look, the commercial is off.
Just forget it.

Well! Rose, now look
what you did!

I didn't do anything wrong.

Rose, why are you
acting like this?

I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Get off my damn back!

Dorothy, what time is it?

Uh, 9:30. Why do you ask?

Phyllis Gluckman is giving me
a ride to my acting lesson.

If I'm gonna be in a
commercial, I wanna be good.

What are you talking about?
The commercial is off.

No, it isn't.
I got the director to change his mind.

He's coming back here
to shoot the commercial?

No, he doesn't want to
get anywhere near Rose.

He's gonna shoot it
at his studio.

But if he shoots it
at his studio,

then I get screwed and have
nothing to show for it.

Welcome to show business.

(car horn honks)

Well, goodbye.

Hi, Sophia.
Later.

Hi, girls. Oh, loved meeting
your director friend yesterday.

Rose, are you all right?

Never better.
Why do you ask?

Maybe because yesterday
you acted like a crazy person?

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
I was a little on edge.

Don't worry,
it won't happen again.

Rose, what are those pills for?

The doctor prescribed them
when I wrenched my back.

I didn't know
you'd hurt your back.

It's an old farm injury
from St. Olaf.

I'll never forget
when it happened.

It was time to plant the crops,

but after 17 years
of pulling the plow,

poor old Bessie was worn out.

Why didn't you
just get another mule?

Bessie wasn't a mule.

She was a big fat lady who
pulled farm plows for a living.

For God's sake!
What about tractors?

Come on, Blanche.

If she was too old
to pull a plow,

how could she ever
pull a tractor?

Anyway, we had to till
the soil,

so I volunteered to pull the
plow, and I hurt my back.

How long have you been
taking these pills?

I guess around 30 years.

30 years?

Rose, I doubt that
your doctor wanted you

to take those things
for 30 years.

What makes you
such a medical expert?

The doctor prescribed those pills, and
I only take them when I need them.

Have you ever considered
the possibility

that you might
be dependent on them?

Are you calling me an addict?

I really resent that.

You think I can't
do without those?

Here, you take 'em.

Oh, come on, Rose!

No, I insist. Obviously
you don't believe me.

This is the best way
to prove it.

(object breaking)

Rose, what the hell
are you doing?

Oh, I couldn't sleep,

so I decided to rearrange
the kitchen cabinets.

I'm sorry I woke you.
Go on back to bed.

Rose, what are you doing with these?
Nothing.

You were looking for those pills.
Blanche, get rid of them.

You can't do that. They're mine.
Get rid of them.

I thought you said you could
take these or leave 'em.

That's true, and right now,
I wanna take them.

Rose, you can't stop taking these pills.
You have a problem.

I can stop!

And I'll start stopping
tomorrow.

Oh, boy, will you be proud of me.
You just wait.

Only I can't stop tonight.
Why not?

Because...
Because.

Because tonight is the anniversary of
the death of my beloved cat Fluffy.

You have never had cats.
You're allergic.

OK, it's the anniversary
of the death

of my beloved brother Fluffy.

You're gonna have to do
better than that.

Aw, give her some credit.
The woman has never told a lie in her life.

Nobody does it great
the first time.

Look, the truth is...

I can't stop tonight because I'm afraid.
I don't know if I can.

That's because you're
hooked on these, Rose.

But, honey, there's a place for
people with this kind of problem.

Please, what is she gonna do
in the NBA?

Rose, let us call a
rehabilitation center for you.

No, I don't need
one of those places.

I can't go to one of those places.
I'd be too ashamed, too embarrassed.

What is there to be ashamed of?
You have a medical problem.

Was Betty Ford embarrassed?
Was Liza Minnelli embarrassed?

She should have been.
Did you see Arthur 2?

Rose...
you have to do this.

No, I can stop by myself.
I can quit cold turkey.

Cold turkey? After 30 years,

doing it alone without professional
help could be dangerous.

I won't be alone.
I'll be with you.

If you'll just see me through the
night, I know I can lick this.

Come on, what do you say, girls?
Are you in this with me?

You bet we are, honey.

This is what friendship
is all about.

Banding together
when the going gets tough.

Sacrificing sleep
and personal comfort.

Putting someone else's need
ahead of your own.

It's beautiful.

Let me know how it turns out
in the morning.

Think this is gonna work?
I don't know.

We should just go along
with whatever she wants to do.

The important thing
is to keep Rose's mind occupied.

Hey, give me some lipstick.
I'll draw a face on my hand.

What are you doing up?

I've got an hour
till my paper route starts,

so I thought
I'd do some chin-ups.

I was worried about Rose.
I'm a member of this family, too.

I'm sorry. Ma,
that's really very sweet,

considering we have to get up so darn
early tomorrow for that commercial.

I said she was family.
I'd do anything for that girl.

Well, is everybody ready for a
spirited game of Googenspritzer?

Googenspritzer? You said
we were gonna play Monopoly.

I said it was like Monopoly,

only instead of Atlantic City,
they use St. Olaf geography.

Well, I'll be the bank.

Oh, good.
There's the cashbox.

Honey, this is empty.
Oh, I know.

The St. Olaf Bank was one of the
first savings and loans to go under.

Bad management?

Bad contractor.

They built the bank
on marshland, and it sank.

All that was left
were a few deposit slips

and a pen with a chain
attached to it,

floating in the muck.

Amazing.
My story?

No. My patience at this hour!
Can we get on with this?

OK, I'll go first.

(both) Four.

Oh, it says, "Pick a card."

How odd. I can either
buy the library

or the phone booth
in the center of town.

I'll buy the library.

If I were you,
I'd buy the phone booth.

Why?
People use the phone booth.

It's my turn.

Oh, six.

Ha-ha! What luck! I own
Logenbeuton Avenue! Ha-ha.

Game's over, I win.

You win?

Rose, how? You bought
one street in St. Olaf.

I bought the only street
in St. Olaf.

That means I'm gonna tear down
your phone booth.

This is the stupidest game!
I could just...

Dorothy, Dorothy.

I could just play all night.

Set it up again, Rose.

Rose, how about
a piece of Bundt cake?

Oh, no, thanks.

I'll try some, Dorothy.
"Try some."

Right, like it's some
big experiment,

like you got no idea
what it tastes like.

Like you don't shovel it in by
the pound every chance you get.

Ma!

Girls, I really don't
feel very good.

I gave this a shot,
but I can't make it.

Rose, yes, you can.
No, I can't.

I can't, Dorothy!
It's too hard.

I wish you'd all stop acting

like you know what I'm going
through because you don't.

You don't have any idea.

Well, I might not have any idea
what it's like

to feel the kind of dependency
you do,

but there was a time in my life

when I tried
quittin' something.

Blanche, you don't mean...?

Sex, Dorothy.
I tried quittin' sex.

Obviously you fell off
the wagon.

And onto a naval base.

It was just after
I'd lost George,

and it just seemed
an appropriate thing to do.

Of course it did.
Your husband had just died.

So what? I hadn't.

The point is, I was still
feeling a little vulnerable,

and I was afraid if I got intimate
with somebody too quickly,

I might end up getting hurt, so
I just gave it up, cold turkey.

And it worked for you, Blanche?

Well, not entirely.

Barely a month had gone by

before I started feeling those
awful stirrings and urgings.

I was like a
spring-bloomin' peach bud

just ripened to dewy fruition,

waitin' to be plucked by the first
handsome man to come my way.

You were looking for some nooky.
Exactly.

Then came the moment of truth.

There was a man, he asked me
to sleep with him. I said no.

But I knew something greater
than my will power

was necessary for me
to resist him,

so I called my sister.
Did she talk you through it?

Oh, better than that. She drove
straight over, took him by the throat,

said if he ever tried that again,
she'd shoot him through the head.

Just because
he made a pass at you?

Oh, did I forget to mention

that the man
was my sister's husband?

I'm going to bed.
Ma, you can't.

Yes, she can. We're not proving
anything by sitting here any longer.

We might as well all go.
I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Does this mean you're giving up
when you've gotten this far?

No, it means I can see the sun coming
up over the Donaldsons' house.

It's morning. We made it!
She's right.

Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, congratula -

I'll bet you feel better
already.

Oh, I really do and mostly because
you guys were there for me.

I'll never be able
to repay you.

Think nothing of it.
We were glad to help.

Oh, I'm glad to hear
you say that

because if I can't sleep tonight,
we might have to do it all over.

So, when I say, "action,"

you pick up the pizza,
taste it and say,

"Mmm, that's
a mighty tasty pizza."

Is everybody ready?
Yeah... uh, one thing.

Do I look at my mother
or at the camera?

Look at the camera,
and here's a little tip.

Look at it like you're
making love to it.

It might help if you give her a
reference she's more familiar with.

OK, this is a rehearsal.

We're gonna run through it once,
and then we'll do it for real.

And... go!

Guess what, Ma. I found you
some real good pizza

like you used to get in Sicily.

Boy, do you stink.

Dorothy, Dorothy, relax.
Just try and be yourself. You can do this.

I'm sorry. I'll get it
this time.

All right, here we go.
Everyone settle.

And... go!

Guess what, Ma.
I've found some real Sicil...

No, that's not it.
What is the line?

"Ma, I found
some real good pizza,

just like you used to get
back in Sicily."

Ah. Sy, now I know
what the trouble is.

There's something wrong with the line.
That's why I can't say it.

Something wrong with the line?

I'm an English teacher.
I should know.

The reason I can't say it is because
the line itself is not grammatical.

See, it should be...

"really good pizza,"
not "real good."

"Perfect pizza with pizazz."
Even better.

Hey, I can act and write!

Gee, I love this business!

You don't mind if I make
the change, do you?

No, not at all.

In fact, I think I want
to make a change, too.

(Sy) OK, Dorothy,
let's see ya smile!

This one's for the camera.

And... action!

Look, Grandma, I've found
you a real good pizza,

just like you used
to get in Sicily.

Mmm...

that's a mighty...

That's a mighty lousy pizza!

Ma, you never tasted it before?

No, and I never will again.

What the hell are you doing?
Sorry, Sy.

You can't pay me enough to
endorse that slime on a shingle.

Ma, this is
a nationwide commercial.

There is a lot of money
involved here.

Sorry. There are two things
a Sicilian won't do -

lie about pizza
and file a tax return.

Forget it, Sy.

Rose, spit it out!
But, Dorothy...

Right now, Rose!

This is Fred Flintstone.

His nose is dissolved, but it's
definitely Fred Flintstone.

They're my vitamins.

I'm sorry I didn't trust you.
Don't apologize.

But I misjudged you, Rose.
No, you didn't.

Here are my pills.
I took one last night.

But, Rose, you got through an entire night without them.
I thought you had it beat.

So did I!

Dorothy, when you were staying up
with me, I felt like I was safe,

that I could rely on your
strength to get me through it.

But, Dorothy,
you're not enough.

These are even stronger
than you are.

Honey, let me call a recovery center.
No, Dorothy.

Listen, this is not
just gonna go away, Rose.

I know.

But I think the first step
is for me to make that call.

Any sign of Rose?
Not yet.

You know, Dorothy,
I'm a little nervous.

Rose was on those pills
for 30 years.

If one month in the hospital
has helped her kick the habit,

she may not be
the same Rose we know.

She may be an entirely
different person.

I know because it
happened to me once.

Before my mama
sent me off to beauty camp,

I was a pencil-thin,
flat-chested, four-eyed nerd.

I don't believe it.
You pencil-thin?

Hi, girls.

Oh, my gosh,
have we missed you!

Oh, Rose! You look wonderful!
Gimme a big hug!

I'm so happy to see you!
Oh, sweetheart!

Oh, Rose!

It just must feel wonderful
bein' cured!

Oh, I'm not cured.
What do you mean?

I'll never be cured, but I know now I
can live without drugs my whole life,

one day at a time.

I'm just glad you got that
monkey off your back.

I never had a monkey
on my back, Sophia.

Although, when I was a child,
I had a chicken named Gordon.

Oh, and what a great chicken!
And he was a great singer, too.

Gordon could cluck the scores

of all the big
Broadway musicals.

I've heard a lot of poultry
do show tunes,

but nobody could
hold a candle to him.

Of course, no chicken likes to
be that near an open flame.

Same old Rose.
Same old Rose.

Oh, anyway, he was
a great entertainer.

We thought for a while
he was a great dancer, too,

till we discovered
he had two left wings.

He'd just shuffle along there.

Oh, how he loved music,

especially Gilbert
and Sullivan. Oh...