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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:10,334 "Home Movie"! For "Home Movie" press one. 2 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,735 For "Happy Easter" press two. 3 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,171 What are you doing? 4 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,368 For a terrible "Thanksgiving," press three. 5 00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:18,968 You're confusing our children. 6 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,343 For "Happy Kwanzaa," press five. 7 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,473 I don't think so. 8 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,608 Aha! 9 00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:29,087 Mm-hmm, happy Halloween. 10 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:34,249 Mmm, fire. 11 00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:37,125 Fire. 12 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,896 My children have been turned into fire-breathing dragons. 13 00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:48,534 It's your mother and she's in a horrible mood 14 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,769 and a birthday cake for you. 15 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,335 You're so scary. 16 00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:58,749 # Happy birthday-slash-Halloween, Jack and Emily # 17 00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:03,482 #Happy birthday-slash-Halloween to... # 18 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:07,117 Hmmm? Oh, yes, make a wish. 19 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,593 - Make a wish. - You guys ready? 20 00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:11,289 Ready? Blow out the candles. 21 00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,466 They're not blowing out. 22 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,706 Oh, she got them. Nope, they're still lit! 23 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,077 - Hey hey! - Jack! 24 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:31,174 Fire, mmm... 25 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,949 Five four three two one. 26 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:37,887 Ready or not, here we come! 27 00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:40,016 I'm not wearing mine either. I'll wear yours. 28 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,391 I'll wear yours. 29 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,490 - Which way does it go? - Any way. 30 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:49,729 No, I'm not wearing it. 31 00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:52,168 - Okay, I'm not wearing yours either. - Here. 32 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,365 - Hey, come here. - What are you doing? 33 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,237 Oh no, oh. 34 00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:57,970 Good evening... 35 00:02:58,044 --> 00:03:01,138 ...and welcome to haunted ghost house sightings of... 36 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,045 ghosts. 37 00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,491 They're down here. 38 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,508 Oh! 39 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,901 Ah ha ha! 40 00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:34,844 Honey, I think I know where they are. 41 00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:36,575 - Where? - Hold the camera. 42 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,418 - Careful. - Baby, 43 00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:43,614 if I don't make it back, I just want you to know how much I... whoa! 44 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:46,715 I'm all right... ouch! 45 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,522 Are you okay? 46 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,620 What is it? 47 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:53,461 Nothing but a fire-breathing dragon. 48 00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,558 Grr. 49 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:58,160 Nice! 50 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,139 Okay, come on, guys. 51 00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:04,176 - Game over. Mommy's tired. - Where are they? 52 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,236 Aha! We found them! 53 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:09,543 Okay, guys, come on. Turn off the flashlights. 54 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,447 Jack and Emily Poe. 55 00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:13,917 Turn off the flashlights. 56 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,421 - It's not good for the camera. - Listen to your mom, guys. 57 00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,923 - Come on. - Such cooperative children. 58 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:22,359 Turn off the flashlights or I'll turn off the camera. 59 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,794 That's better. 60 00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:28,225 Oh, you got me. 61 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,326 Oh, you got me. 62 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:33,270 Did you just bite me? 63 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,708 Bringing the heat on. 64 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,378 Nice! 65 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:46,077 Fake out! 66 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,881 Now batting... 67 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,319 Number 31... 68 00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:51,118 Jack... Poe... 69 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,885 centerfielder, 70 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,086 the Connecticut Cormorant. 71 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,325 All right. 72 00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:03,764 Come on, you can do it! 73 00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,738 Nice! 74 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,208 Aw, come on, Jack! 75 00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:13,404 Whoop... oh! 76 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,242 Into the woods. 77 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,909 - Holy cow. - Oh, rats! 78 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,713 - Nice hit, son. - That was good! 79 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,811 Good job, baby. 80 00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,222 Oh. Little help, hon? 81 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,024 - What? - Little help. 82 00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,723 - What do you mean? - A little help! 83 00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,698 - You want me to get it? - A little help. 84 00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:35,461 - You get it. - Little help. 85 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,093 - My God. - A little help. 86 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,195 Do I have to do everything around here? 87 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,035 I'm the pitcher. My arm, my leg... 88 00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,575 - they gotta relax and rest. - Your arm? My arm. 89 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,838 - Come on, hon. - I got it... okay. 90 00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:48,278 Okay... 91 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,545 Yay. Oops, got some woods here. 92 00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:53,084 Hurry up, hon! 93 00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:55,279 I think I found some poison ivy. 94 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,017 Makes sense. 95 00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:02,221 And I just saw a jackal... that's good. 96 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,388 Poison ivy, more snakes 97 00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:06,591 and a jackal. 98 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:08,725 I'm, like, so glad we just moved 99 00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:10,564 to the middle of nowhere. 100 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,805 Hey, Em! 101 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,672 Have you seen your dad's ball? 102 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,443 Okay, well, um... 103 00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:23,914 I'm gonna go look over here. 104 00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:34,986 I thought you said you didn't see it. 105 00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:42,867 Listen, how about I shoot your guys's clubhouse, huh? 106 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:46,098 That might be cool for you guys to look back at when you're older, right? 107 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:52,136 "No parents allowed." Hmm. 108 00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:56,580 Is that all parents or is that just me and your dad? 109 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,950 Ah. Okay. 110 00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,147 Well... 111 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,349 I'm gonna go watch the game. 112 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,723 Do you want to come? 113 00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,455 You can ride in the wagon. 114 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,024 Are you playing dead? 115 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,035 Again, right here. 116 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,264 It's going right there. 117 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,863 I love the zoom on this. 118 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,374 Zoom! 119 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,476 Oh, big swing and a miss. 120 00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:30,141 The big fella... notice the form though? 121 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,911 - Very nice. - See that? 122 00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,679 Make a smiley face. 123 00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,277 Good job. 124 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:42,093 - I'll take that. I'll take that. - Whoa! 125 00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:46,362 High-five, put it there. All right, thank you. 126 00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:49,333 Come on, Em! Give your dad a hand! 127 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,734 - Yeah! - Home run. 128 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,068 Whoo! Good, baby, good. 129 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,199 Watch this guy. 130 00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,002 One more, one more, one more. 131 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,909 - Whoop! - What was that, a rock? 132 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,955 What? 133 00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:16,193 What? What's the matter? 134 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,786 - We're done. - What happened? 135 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,354 - He's throwing rocks at me. - What?! 136 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,800 #Du-duh! # 137 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,139 #Du-duh! Du-duh! Du-duh! # 138 00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:31,938 #Du-duh! Du-duh! Du-duh! # 139 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:36,573 Today we're going to learn about the ancient art of raking. 140 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:39,618 Raking was first discovered 141 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:43,485 by a Chinese mountain task force in 1802. 142 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,191 My lovely assistant Jack Poe 143 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,855 is raking today because he's being punished for throwing 144 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,830 a rock at his dad's head. 145 00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:58,460 What you got, Jack? 146 00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:02,865 A dead bug. 147 00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:06,275 This is where we employ the notorious garbage bag technique. 148 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:09,405 And there you have it, kids. That's our lesson for today: 149 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:13,111 Dead things go in trash bags. 150 00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:18,883 Love is in the air, can you feel it? 151 00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,120 Hmmm? Yes? 152 00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:23,787 Don't let me keep you up. Okay. 153 00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:26,263 It's Friday, November 9th, 10:30 PM. 154 00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:29,927 It's Clare and I's 10th wedding anniversary... 155 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:34,098 and I'm gonna go attempt a most dangerous stunt. 156 00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:37,233 But before I go, in case I don't come back, 157 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:40,507 Jack, I want you to know how much I love you. 158 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:44,243 And, Emily, I love you very very much too. 159 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:47,650 So, um, well... 160 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,688 this stunt is most dangerous. 161 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,655 I wouldn't have anybody, uh, attempt it 162 00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:54,056 if you're amateur or if you're faint of heart. 163 00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:56,424 I'm gonna go try and jump 164 00:09:56,495 --> 00:10:00,864 all 206 of my wife's bones. 165 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,263 Okay, bye. Wish me luck. 166 00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:14,645 Oh... shit! 167 00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:56,581 Great. Give me this. 168 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,556 Happy anniversary. 169 00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,524 You better not have the camera in here! 170 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:03,084 I don't have the camera in here. What do you think I am, a pervert? 171 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,323 Yeah! 172 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:11,534 "'The Mask of Sanity,' by Hervey M Cleckley." 173 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:14,801 Some people have booze. My wife has books. 174 00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:17,866 - Ah... come here. - No! 175 00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:20,639 - Cheese plate? - That's a cheese plate? 176 00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:23,682 - Yes, and that's a box of wine. - I'm not drinking wine 177 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:26,445 - that comes out of a box. - Kiss me, elitist. 178 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,783 I am not an elitist. 179 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,583 Come on, I just moved our family here 180 00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,385 to the middle of the woods six months ago. 181 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,323 - I'm not an elitist. - You're an elitist. 182 00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:35,917 Kiss me, elitist. 183 00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,520 Mmm, this cheese isn't bad. 184 00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:41,498 - Are you seducing me? - Huh-uh, I would never do such a thing. 185 00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,070 Well, um, it's too bad for you. 186 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:50,097 I can't have sex right now because I have a lot of work to do. 187 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:53,873 - You always have work to do. - Yeah, so we have money to spend. 188 00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:56,244 - Right. - # Money to spend. # 189 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,783 Aw. 190 00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:01,081 Isn't this how the Paris Hilton video got started? 191 00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:03,678 No, I think it was... 192 00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:06,657 Oh, you... bastard! 193 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,889 Oh, where's my towel?! 194 00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:13,921 Oh! You are dead! 195 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:15,762 - You are so bad. - Bad... 196 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,531 do you mean like "bad good" or "bad bad"? 197 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:20,401 I mean like bad, nasty, evil bad. 198 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,532 You're supposed to be a pastor, you know. 199 00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:24,405 Yeah, I'm Lutheran, not a Catholic. 200 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,638 Well, I am a doctor, not a whore. 201 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:28,612 Say happy anniversary 202 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,115 - to the camera, will you? - No. 203 00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:33,344 So we have something to remember when we're old, 204 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,819 decrepit and farting all over each other. 205 00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:39,016 We're not gonna be farting all over each other. That's disgusting! 206 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,752 We're gonna be farting all over each other. 207 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,487 We're gonna die in a conflagration of farts. 208 00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,688 - Yeah, your farts. - Somebody's gonna light a match 209 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,924 and we're gonna go... 210 00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:47,158 Not my farts. 211 00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:50,361 Come on, say happy anniversary to the camera for posterity's sake. 212 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:53,132 Happy anniversary. And now you can take the camera out of here 213 00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:56,504 because it is supposed to be for my work because I've spent a lot of money on it. 214 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:59,942 I thought it was supposed to be soft-core porn? 215 00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,537 No? 216 00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:07,410 - I can't believe... - I can't believe how sexy you are. 217 00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:11,647 Take your clothes off. 218 00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,692 I thought you'd never ask! 219 00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:17,192 Get in here. 220 00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:22,133 Is that the dog? 221 00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:25,637 - Why does he always do this? - Hegel, fermez la bouche. 222 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,471 David, please, with the camera. 223 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,669 I feel like I'm on "The Real World" or something. 224 00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,575 "The Real World"? 225 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:40,316 Where's Emily? 226 00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:46,555 Oh, isn't that the most precious thing? 227 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:50,220 It's not precious. It's weird. 228 00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,821 It's not weird... the two of them in bed together? 229 00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,490 They're getting too old for this. 230 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,432 It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. 231 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,541 "The Story of the Dragon and the Paper Bag," 232 00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,052 by Micky Powell. 233 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:19,614 "Once upon a time, in a land far far away, 234 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:24,152 there lived the most hideous two-headed dragon 235 00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,199 in all of history. 236 00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:30,326 And this dragon had this dream of eating 237 00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:33,132 all the boys and all the girls in town. 238 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,333 In fact, 'twas more than a dream... 239 00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,638 'twas a plan. 240 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:42,010 On Halloween next, when all the boys and all the girls 241 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:45,380 wear their paper-bag masks to school, 242 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:49,478 the dragon decided that he was going to wear his own paper-bag mask. 243 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,386 And, thus disguised, 244 00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:54,551 he set forth for the schoolyard. 245 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:58,154 On the schoolyard, the schoolkids were surprised 246 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,528 by the sight of their new student. 247 00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:02,794 'You're too tall,' they said. 248 00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:06,031 'You have two heads,' said another child. 249 00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:10,565 'You can't be one of us. You must be the dragon.' 250 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,339 'Trust me,' the dragon answered, 251 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:16,040 'I'm one of you.' 252 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,879 'Oh, yeah? Prove it,' they said. 253 00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:21,146 'Take off your mask.' 254 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:24,621 The dragon knew that that was something that he couldn't do. 255 00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:28,126 'What I can do,' he said, 'is talk like you. 256 00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:31,287 I can walk like you. 257 00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:35,629 Shoot, I can even dance like you.' 258 00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:39,000 'Do it,' said the children. 259 00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:42,234 And, indeed, the dragon walked, 260 00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:46,267 talked and danced just like he was one of them. 261 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:49,212 And the children were so convinced 262 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:52,478 that they invited him to sing their songs with them. 263 00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:55,019 They invited him to play in their games. 264 00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:56,952 And when the bell rang for lunch, 265 00:15:57,022 --> 00:16:00,014 they invited him inside to eat with them. 266 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,560 'Thanks,' said the dragon, 267 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,392 'but I prefer to eat outside.' 268 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,365 'Outside? ' says the children. 269 00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,665 'But whatever will you eat? ' 270 00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:15,730 The dragon responded, 'You.' 271 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,673 And with that, 272 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,871 the dragon took off his paper-bag mask, 273 00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:24,438 revealing the two hideous heads. 274 00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,950 The children started to scream, 275 00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:31,956 but their screams were soon swallowed inside the dragon's stomach." 276 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:39,859 That was perhaps the most 277 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,924 vastly inappropriate fairy tale I've ever heard. 278 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:47,336 Hon, it's an allegory 279 00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:52,105 for, you know, "Don't trust strangers." 280 00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:57,011 Good night, Steven. 281 00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,846 Good night, Lou. 282 00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:03,183 Good night, Nikolai... 283 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,815 commie bastard. 284 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,977 Hello, my name is Dr. Clare Poe. 285 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,213 It is the 10th of November, 2006. 286 00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:37,016 This is video diary number one. 287 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:40,991 Patient's name: Billy Tomlinson, 11, 288 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,324 diagnosed with prodromal VEOS 289 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,363 at the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia, 290 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:48,832 where I am currently chief resident of the child psychiatry unit. 291 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,099 Patient meets all diagnostic criteria, including disorganized speech, 292 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:57,074 alogia, catatonic features and persistent delusions, 293 00:17:57,142 --> 00:18:01,442 with no fewer than three hallucinatory episodes in the past three months, 294 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,242 in which Billy claimed there was, quote, 295 00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:06,216 "a man made of nails" living under his bed. 296 00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:09,118 10mg Abilify, 297 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,780 10mg loxapine. 298 00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:14,758 In less than a week, this binary treatment 299 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,421 vanquished Billy's delusions, 300 00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:19,896 sending this "man made of nails" 301 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:23,298 back to whatever synapse misfiring he came from. 302 00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:26,531 Scheduled appointment, including blood work, 303 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,368 for next Tuesday, the 14th. 304 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:28,599 Hi. It's November 18th. 305 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,507 Hi. It's November 18th. 306 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:35,513 I'm your host David Poe, and this is "America's Funniest, 307 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,742 Most Embarrassing Home Videos." 308 00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:42,276 Today the kids have their Thanksgiving Day party at school. 309 00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:45,414 Mom's dressed them as something. We're gonna find out what. 310 00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:48,756 You guys look so cute, I'm gonna vomit. 311 00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:56,133 The follies of youth are fast forgotten, not to worry. 312 00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:59,227 Unless, of course, Dad happens to be filming them. 313 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,329 Listen to you. 314 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,397 Honey, did you make your own lunch? 315 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:06,103 - I'm sorry, you look great. - They look great! 316 00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:08,203 Fantastic, absolutely. 317 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,443 What did you make? That's... come on, please... 318 00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:14,281 Give them a break. Did you make bologna? 319 00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:17,754 No? PB&J? 320 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:21,224 No? Well... 321 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,591 why don't we just see what our little man 322 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,495 is bringing to the fourth grade Thanksgiving feast, huh? 323 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:31,131 If he can make a sandwich, I think you can every once in a while. 324 00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:34,036 - No, I can't. - I'm sorry. 325 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,579 - What'd you make, Jack? - Oh! 326 00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,127 Hey, boy. 327 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:07,327 On this episode of "Clare Poe: Turkey Proctologist Extraordinaire," 328 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:10,864 we... ooh, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!" 329 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,309 Huh? Huh? 330 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,573 Jack! Emily! 331 00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:17,706 I'll get 'em. 332 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,952 Come on, guys, it's time to eat. 333 00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:28,515 Your mom's been working on this turkey all day. 334 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,667 Some apples? 335 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,703 Looks really good, doesn't it? 336 00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:46,474 Dear Lord... 337 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,815 Thank you. 338 00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:55,080 Thank you for providing us this most bountiful feast. 339 00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:58,247 Most importantly, we thank you for providing us with each other, 340 00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:02,760 with love, for this Thanksgiving 341 00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,557 we owe to You, 342 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:09,431 our most trusted and holy God. 343 00:21:09,501 --> 00:21:14,063 Thank you for my wife, my beautiful wife, 344 00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:17,006 thank you for my children 345 00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:20,704 and thank you for this life, which is indeed blessed. 346 00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,441 So let us pray. 347 00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:29,382 Dear blessed Lord, we thank you for the gifts that you... 348 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:34,057 What was that? 349 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:38,153 That was your children being disrespectful. 350 00:21:41,199 --> 00:21:43,963 Well, we're not gonna eat this turkey until they pray. 351 00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:50,201 - Okay. - All right. 352 00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:55,377 Dear blessed Lord, thank you for the gifts that you have provided for us... 353 00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:01,613 What are you guys doing? 354 00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:06,387 - Let's just eat, okay? - I'm serious. 355 00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:11,191 We are not gonna eat until you pray. 356 00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:13,561 David, come on. 357 00:22:20,739 --> 00:22:24,402 Dear blessed Lord, please give us Your... 358 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,592 ...that you have provided for us... 359 00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:48,497 What are you guys doing? 360 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:57,172 Hi, I'm Boy Scout leader David Poe 361 00:22:57,242 --> 00:22:59,176 and you're gonna learn about an ancient art today 362 00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:01,439 called lock picking. 363 00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:03,140 You won't find it in the manual, 364 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,012 but you will find it here. Come on. 365 00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:08,382 All right? Bobby pin? 366 00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:15,522 Got it. Okay now, Jack, first thing you wanna do: 367 00:23:15,594 --> 00:23:17,585 Open up said bobby pin, 368 00:23:17,662 --> 00:23:19,960 peel off the little rubber bit... 369 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:23,494 put it into the lock like so. 370 00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:27,304 All right, make three circles counterclockwise 371 00:23:27,372 --> 00:23:30,307 until you feel it... - Go like that. 372 00:23:31,643 --> 00:23:34,305 There you go. 373 00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:40,149 And lock picked. 374 00:23:40,218 --> 00:23:42,209 Slide it to the left. 375 00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:47,187 Okay, this is the one-handed bowline. 376 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,853 It's a very important knot, maybe the most essential knot. 377 00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,896 It's un-get-out-of-able, un-undoable 378 00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:54,431 unless of course you wanna undo it and you have two hands. 379 00:23:54,499 --> 00:23:57,059 I'm gonna show you how to do it with one hand. Ready? 380 00:23:57,135 --> 00:24:00,536 Go like this... go around the tree. 381 00:24:06,178 --> 00:24:09,614 And that right there is a bowline, all right? 382 00:24:09,681 --> 00:24:12,411 I want you to do one. Give me one second. 383 00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:17,051 Emily, you watching? 384 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:20,057 Look at that. There he is. 385 00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:21,456 There's old Nikolai. 386 00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:38,605 Perfect. 387 00:24:38,677 --> 00:24:40,542 Dad's, 388 00:24:40,612 --> 00:24:43,103 Jack's. 389 00:24:43,181 --> 00:24:45,581 Perfect! 390 00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,618 Did you see that? 391 00:24:47,686 --> 00:24:50,211 Emily, you're next. Are you ready? 392 00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:06,399 I scream, you scream. We all scream for... ow! 393 00:25:06,471 --> 00:25:08,701 A little help. 394 00:25:08,773 --> 00:25:11,571 I thought you were going jogging. 395 00:25:11,643 --> 00:25:14,510 I did. I was. For about three miles. 396 00:25:14,579 --> 00:25:17,912 So I'm out there in the middle of the woods 397 00:25:17,983 --> 00:25:19,917 and I took a left where I usually... 398 00:25:19,985 --> 00:25:22,180 anyways, there's this inlet road there, 399 00:25:22,254 --> 00:25:25,951 and off in the distance I heard this music, right? 400 00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:28,515 And it's weird, but it sounds familiar, 401 00:25:28,593 --> 00:25:32,962 so I jog a little closer and I see this truck, 402 00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:36,296 this ice-cream truck. And I flagged him down. 403 00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,633 He was coming toward me and I say, "Hey, man, listen, it's a little loud 404 00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:41,831 at 7:00 in the morning for you to be playing the music 405 00:25:41,907 --> 00:25:43,670 the way you're playing it. 406 00:25:43,742 --> 00:25:46,575 Would you mind turning it down a little?" He says, "No problem." 407 00:25:46,645 --> 00:25:49,546 Real nice guy, and he gives me two ice-cream cones. 408 00:25:49,614 --> 00:25:51,138 How about that? 409 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,980 I know you don't generally have ice cream before you go to school, 410 00:25:54,052 --> 00:25:55,679 but today's an exception. 411 00:25:55,754 --> 00:25:58,154 Our kids don't deserve ice cream right now. 412 00:25:58,223 --> 00:26:00,657 They deserve a lecture from their father 413 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:02,625 because what they did was wrong. 414 00:26:02,694 --> 00:26:05,424 I know you're right. I've been thinking about that. 415 00:26:05,497 --> 00:26:08,057 Here's what I thought. 416 00:26:08,133 --> 00:26:10,624 Why don't we make a movie? 417 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:13,569 Spend more family time together? 418 00:26:19,277 --> 00:26:22,212 John, Paul... 419 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,680 and George. 420 00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:27,274 Sorry, Ringo! Come on, guys, let's go! 421 00:26:27,352 --> 00:26:31,584 Perfectly decent Christmas trees just waiting for us to put an axe in them! 422 00:26:31,656 --> 00:26:34,557 There you go. #It's chilly # 423 00:26:34,626 --> 00:26:37,026 #Scarf on... # oh, please! 424 00:26:37,095 --> 00:26:39,086 Who loves you? 425 00:26:39,164 --> 00:26:41,928 Do you love me? Hmm? 426 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:49,203 #Sleep in heavenly peace... # 427 00:26:52,410 --> 00:26:55,243 Ruh-roh. 428 00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:04,284 What are you guys saying? 429 00:27:04,356 --> 00:27:07,519 Doing that thing they do. 430 00:27:07,592 --> 00:27:10,459 I don't like that thing. It's like their own language. 431 00:27:13,031 --> 00:27:14,896 Stop that, okay? 432 00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:17,264 Can you show me what you're drawing? 433 00:27:17,335 --> 00:27:20,600 You guys, secrets aren't nice. 434 00:27:20,672 --> 00:27:22,606 Honey, secrets are essential. 435 00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:25,837 Our children work for the Honduras CIA Task Force. 436 00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:28,674 Where am I turning? 437 00:27:28,747 --> 00:27:31,079 I don't know, just turn up there somewhere. 438 00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:33,117 - Shouldn't there be a sign? - I don't know. 439 00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:35,243 We live in the middle of the woods, we don't need a sign 440 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:38,312 - to tell us where the trees are. - Okay, I just farted. 441 00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:39,755 Ho ho ho! 442 00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:41,951 Hey hey! No running with the saw! 443 00:27:42,027 --> 00:27:44,291 Christmas tree farm! 444 00:27:44,362 --> 00:27:46,990 - How could you let Jack carry a saw? - Trees of all sizes! 445 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,667 I carried a saw. My dad let me when I was 10 years old. 446 00:27:51,736 --> 00:27:54,569 - It's like a coming-of-age thing. - It's dangerous. 447 00:27:54,639 --> 00:27:56,800 Hey, how 'bout this one? 448 00:27:58,243 --> 00:28:01,235 That tree's, like, anorexic. 449 00:28:01,312 --> 00:28:03,906 - You're a pastor. - "American Idol," look out. 450 00:28:05,417 --> 00:28:09,683 #The first noel # 451 00:28:09,754 --> 00:28:12,882 #The angels did sing... # 452 00:28:12,957 --> 00:28:14,982 That's almost kind of scary. 453 00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:18,120 #La la la la la la la # 454 00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:23,031 #You're my everything. # 455 00:28:32,077 --> 00:28:34,102 "And Cain... 456 00:28:34,179 --> 00:28:37,979 and Cain said to Abel, his brother, 'Let us go out in the field.' 457 00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:41,280 And when they were in the field, Cain rose up 458 00:28:41,352 --> 00:28:44,913 against his brother Abel and killed him. 459 00:28:44,989 --> 00:28:48,652 Then the Lord said to Cain, 460 00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:51,696 'Where is Abel your brother? ' 461 00:28:51,763 --> 00:28:54,732 He said, 'I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper? ' 462 00:28:54,799 --> 00:28:57,029 And the Lord said, 'What have you done?"' 463 00:28:58,470 --> 00:29:00,563 "So... 464 00:29:00,638 --> 00:29:04,267 so... so... so this Christmas... 465 00:29:07,846 --> 00:29:10,371 let's do more than just open gifts. 466 00:29:10,448 --> 00:29:12,382 Because we are... 467 00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:14,782 all of us... our brother's keeper. 468 00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:21,184 Let's follow in Christ's footsteps. 469 00:29:21,259 --> 00:29:23,557 Let's... 470 00:29:23,628 --> 00:29:27,064 let's fight evil on a daily basis because then, 471 00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:29,657 and only then, 472 00:29:29,734 --> 00:29:31,759 can we call ourselves Christians, 473 00:29:31,836 --> 00:29:35,704 worthy in the eyes of the Lord." 474 00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:40,342 No one wants to hear this shit on Christmas Eve. 475 00:29:40,411 --> 00:29:43,244 You just suck. 476 00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:49,845 You suck... 477 00:29:49,921 --> 00:29:52,685 so so much. 478 00:29:56,494 --> 00:29:58,928 You suck. 479 00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:05,425 Ah, hey! Beautiful! You did it! 480 00:30:05,503 --> 00:30:08,165 - We have connection? - We have connection. 481 00:30:08,239 --> 00:30:11,003 - Tell me, Santa. - Anything, little girl. 482 00:30:11,075 --> 00:30:13,839 What is the secret to your gluteal success? 483 00:30:13,912 --> 00:30:16,073 Santa uses a Stairmaster, baby. 484 00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:19,116 Mmm, nice, I like it. 485 00:30:19,184 --> 00:30:22,312 - Eww, no presents for you! - Ho ho ho! 486 00:30:22,387 --> 00:30:24,150 Ho ho ho! 487 00:30:24,222 --> 00:30:27,282 Come on, guys! 488 00:30:27,358 --> 00:30:28,950 Rise and shine! 489 00:30:29,027 --> 00:30:31,825 It's a gastrointestinal Christmas! 490 00:30:31,896 --> 00:30:34,990 You're all invited to participate. 491 00:30:35,066 --> 00:30:37,728 Did you bring your whoopee cushion? 492 00:30:37,802 --> 00:30:40,202 All right, guys, who's ready for Christmas? 493 00:30:40,271 --> 00:30:43,468 - All right, it's Christmas time! - Yeah. 494 00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:45,441 What do we have here? 495 00:30:45,510 --> 00:30:47,137 - What is this? - Presents! 496 00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:50,238 Open 'em up. Let's see what we got. 497 00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:54,149 Oh my God! 498 00:30:57,555 --> 00:30:59,955 # Can't stop it, I just can't stop it # 499 00:31:00,024 --> 00:31:02,322 #Can't stop it, I just can't... # 500 00:31:02,393 --> 00:31:04,054 #Stop it! # 501 00:31:04,128 --> 00:31:05,857 #I got presents # 502 00:31:05,930 --> 00:31:08,023 #So many presents. # 503 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,368 Super Soaker. 504 00:31:16,641 --> 00:31:20,168 Ah ha ha ha! How 'bout them apples? 505 00:31:20,245 --> 00:31:23,078 - That's not fair. - What? 506 00:31:23,147 --> 00:31:27,049 Jack Mathias Poe, put that water gun down right now. 507 00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:29,382 Right now, right this instant! 508 00:31:29,454 --> 00:31:31,115 Hey hey hey... not in the house! 509 00:31:31,189 --> 00:31:33,851 Not in the house! 510 00:31:33,925 --> 00:31:36,257 Ooh hoo hoo! The game is on! 511 00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:38,591 Come on, come on, come on! 512 00:31:38,663 --> 00:31:41,860 - The game is on! - Okay, now... don't get the camera! 513 00:31:48,006 --> 00:31:49,837 Not in here. 514 00:31:54,646 --> 00:31:56,580 Oh! 515 00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:12,286 Yesterday morning, the 25th of December... 516 00:32:13,698 --> 00:32:15,529 Christmas... 517 00:32:17,168 --> 00:32:19,398 Jack and Emily crucified the family cat. 518 00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:28,078 My children need help. 519 00:32:28,146 --> 00:32:32,207 As a doctor, as their mother, it is... 520 00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,088 My children need help. 521 00:32:41,159 --> 00:32:44,390 Jack and Emily Poe, age 10. 522 00:32:44,462 --> 00:32:47,124 Birthday: October 31st, 1997. 523 00:32:47,198 --> 00:32:48,927 No prenatal trauma, 524 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,492 no temporal lobe epilepsy or amygdala damage. 525 00:32:52,570 --> 00:32:55,596 Asperger's disorder possible, but unlikely. 526 00:32:55,673 --> 00:33:00,440 Malicious intent falls into the category of conduct disorder, 527 00:33:00,511 --> 00:33:05,380 a precursor to adult ASP or anti-social personality disorder. 528 00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:08,817 Either the MMPI or the PCL-R will have to be administered 529 00:33:08,886 --> 00:33:12,686 to test the ambit and extent of Jack and Emily's psychopathology, 530 00:33:12,757 --> 00:33:15,282 the ambit and extent of... 531 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,260 their malice. 532 00:33:23,568 --> 00:33:26,230 Ha ha, and welcome to another New Year's Eve, 533 00:33:26,304 --> 00:33:28,363 our first here at the Poe household. 534 00:33:28,439 --> 00:33:31,101 We're gonna usher in a year of prosperity, 535 00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:34,167 love and a healthy buzz... 536 00:33:34,245 --> 00:33:37,408 ...which I've been nursing since 5:00 this afternoon. 537 00:33:42,954 --> 00:33:45,445 Nyeh nyeh nyeh. 538 00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:47,354 Indians. 539 00:34:06,110 --> 00:34:07,907 Oh my God. 540 00:34:07,979 --> 00:34:10,311 David, I'm blowing my nose. 541 00:34:10,381 --> 00:34:12,406 - God. - Hi, honey. 542 00:34:12,483 --> 00:34:15,111 - You ready? - Do you mind? 543 00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:17,518 - I don't mind at all. - Good Lord. 544 00:34:19,490 --> 00:34:22,118 Hi! Okay, can you put it down now? 545 00:34:22,193 --> 00:34:24,161 - Cheers. - Cheers! 546 00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:26,594 - Happy New Year. - Mm-hmm! 547 00:34:27,732 --> 00:34:29,859 Are you ready? 548 00:34:34,505 --> 00:34:37,770 - Oh, boy. - Um, no. I just, um... 549 00:34:37,842 --> 00:34:40,208 I'm thinking that... 550 00:34:40,278 --> 00:34:44,408 maybe we shouldn't go out tonight. 551 00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:46,211 You know? 552 00:34:46,284 --> 00:34:48,218 The kids... God, stop it. 553 00:34:48,286 --> 00:34:50,811 The kids are fine. They're fine. Besides, Madre, 554 00:34:50,888 --> 00:34:53,482 you deserve a night out. 555 00:34:53,558 --> 00:34:57,016 Yeah, but we just... we never go out. 556 00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:59,427 And that's the point. Exactly why we should go out. 557 00:34:59,497 --> 00:35:02,057 Come on. 558 00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:06,297 We'll go out. We'll go to our old stomping grounds. 559 00:35:06,370 --> 00:35:08,167 We'll hit the city, we'll tear it up, 560 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,002 we'll have some fun, see some old friends. 561 00:35:10,074 --> 00:35:12,440 Just for one night. 562 00:35:12,510 --> 00:35:14,501 Okay. 563 00:35:14,579 --> 00:35:17,548 Is the babysitter here yet? 564 00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:19,242 Huh-uh. 565 00:35:19,317 --> 00:35:21,285 Well, maybe we should call her, okay? 566 00:35:21,352 --> 00:35:23,718 Okay. 567 00:35:23,788 --> 00:35:26,279 Sorry. 568 00:35:26,357 --> 00:35:28,257 How much did you drink? 569 00:35:28,326 --> 00:35:31,591 Nothing. 570 00:35:31,662 --> 00:35:34,187 Not anything. Not much of anything. 571 00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:39,766 - You know what happens. - Yeah, I do, 572 00:35:39,837 --> 00:35:42,067 and I don't want that. 573 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,267 That's gonna be my New Year's resolution. 574 00:35:44,342 --> 00:35:47,243 - Pfft. - What? 575 00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:52,476 Well, what's gonna be yours? What's your resolution? 576 00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:55,075 Secret. 577 00:35:56,888 --> 00:35:59,516 Secrets are cool. That's what we have around here, right? 578 00:35:59,590 --> 00:36:02,252 Oh, yeah, okay. 579 00:36:07,031 --> 00:36:09,693 That's why you don't want to go into the city, isn't it? 580 00:36:09,767 --> 00:36:12,327 'Cause you don't want to see people we used to know. 581 00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:15,839 'Cause just they might ask that inevitable question: 582 00:36:15,907 --> 00:36:19,900 "David, Clare, how are the kids?" 583 00:36:26,751 --> 00:36:28,651 Can you turn the camera off, please? 584 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,983 Sure, I'll tell you what. Why don't you turn it off? 585 00:36:34,292 --> 00:36:37,728 You tell the camera your New Year's resolution, 586 00:36:37,795 --> 00:36:39,990 then you can turn it off. 587 00:36:41,265 --> 00:36:43,130 Come on, I told mine. 588 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,135 I promise I won't watch it. 589 00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:48,297 You should turn the camera off! The battery's gonna die! 590 00:37:03,154 --> 00:37:05,714 I'm not talking into the camera. 591 00:37:18,202 --> 00:37:20,466 Hello. 592 00:37:23,841 --> 00:37:26,503 For you. 593 00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:28,010 Ding-dong. 594 00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:42,321 Yeah, I'm gonna smoke. 595 00:37:46,397 --> 00:37:48,558 New Year's resolution. 596 00:37:48,633 --> 00:37:50,658 Here we go. 597 00:37:50,735 --> 00:37:53,761 I resolve... 598 00:37:56,307 --> 00:37:58,741 I resolve to... 599 00:38:00,811 --> 00:38:02,802 ...not quit smoking. 600 00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:15,420 I want... 601 00:38:17,328 --> 00:38:20,820 I want this family to be 602 00:38:20,898 --> 00:38:24,561 the family that 603 00:38:24,635 --> 00:38:27,433 I thought it would be 604 00:38:27,505 --> 00:38:31,202 when I thought about having a family in the first place, 605 00:38:31,275 --> 00:38:34,938 because... this isn't. 606 00:38:39,583 --> 00:38:42,279 It's... 607 00:38:42,353 --> 00:38:44,821 I feel like I don't know these people. 608 00:38:51,462 --> 00:38:53,896 There are strangers in my house. 609 00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:00,127 Mom, help. 610 00:39:03,374 --> 00:39:06,400 What are you doing? 611 00:39:06,477 --> 00:39:10,004 Oh my God! What is this?! 612 00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:12,515 - I didn't do that. - Well, that's... 613 00:39:12,583 --> 00:39:15,347 Were you rough-housing with Daddy? 614 00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:17,353 - Who hurt you? Did Daddy hurt... - Well... 615 00:39:17,421 --> 00:39:18,718 Be quiet, David! 616 00:39:18,789 --> 00:39:21,121 Who hurt you? Did Daddy bite you? 617 00:39:21,192 --> 00:39:23,888 - Who bit you? - The man. 618 00:39:23,961 --> 00:39:26,259 - What man? - The man in the closet. 619 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:42,236 January 1st, 2007, 620 00:39:42,313 --> 00:39:45,282 4:06 AM. 621 00:39:48,119 --> 00:39:51,179 Multiple bite marks found 622 00:39:51,255 --> 00:39:55,555 on both Jack and Emily's torso and arms. 623 00:39:57,695 --> 00:40:00,789 Bites so deep they left, for lack of a better word, 624 00:40:00,865 --> 00:40:03,959 craters in their flesh. 625 00:40:07,671 --> 00:40:11,767 It is worth noting, in the interest of full disclosure, 626 00:40:11,842 --> 00:40:13,673 a bit of the past when it comes to my husband. 627 00:40:13,744 --> 00:40:16,713 David was, as a child, abused. 628 00:40:16,781 --> 00:40:19,443 Abused children, as proven by Piaget, 629 00:40:19,517 --> 00:40:22,782 are predisposed as adults to abusing their own children. 630 00:40:22,853 --> 00:40:27,119 All I know is there's 631 00:40:27,191 --> 00:40:29,785 a lot I don't know about my husband. 632 00:40:29,860 --> 00:40:32,829 I know he drinks more than he should, and when he... 633 00:40:38,869 --> 00:40:42,270 Oh, this is specious. 634 00:40:42,339 --> 00:40:45,103 Children have overactive imaginations. 635 00:40:45,176 --> 00:40:47,610 The man in the closet is not real, 636 00:40:47,678 --> 00:40:50,579 but the bite marks are. 637 00:40:52,817 --> 00:40:55,149 Who's been biting my children? 638 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:07,795 Ooh, you're pretty. 639 00:41:07,865 --> 00:41:10,231 Ooh, you look upset. 640 00:41:12,536 --> 00:41:15,596 Surprise! Happy Valentine's day, hon! 641 00:41:15,673 --> 00:41:18,164 - How was Philly? - I'm taking the kids to my mother's. 642 00:41:18,242 --> 00:41:20,107 - You're doing what? - If you want to have 643 00:41:20,177 --> 00:41:22,202 a normal conversation like two normal adult people, 644 00:41:22,279 --> 00:41:24,543 I'd be happy to do that but I am not doing this. 645 00:41:24,615 --> 00:41:26,173 Our kids are not normal. 646 00:41:26,250 --> 00:41:27,774 We can't move into the middle of nowhere, 647 00:41:27,852 --> 00:41:30,548 raise them in this Norman Rockwell world, expect everything... 648 00:41:30,621 --> 00:41:33,886 - nothing's changed. It didn't work! - What's your point? 649 00:41:33,958 --> 00:41:36,392 My point is that there's something bad in this house 650 00:41:36,460 --> 00:41:38,553 - and it isn't me. - Our children are behaving badly 651 00:41:38,629 --> 00:41:40,597 because they themselves have been treated badly. 652 00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:43,292 It is rudimentary cause and effect, symptomatic of a larger problem. 653 00:41:43,367 --> 00:41:45,801 I can't believe you're a psychologist. I can't believe it. 654 00:41:45,870 --> 00:41:47,599 You don't even know your own kids are psychotic. 655 00:41:47,671 --> 00:41:50,299 - Our children are not psychotic. - They crucified the fucking cat! 656 00:41:50,374 --> 00:41:52,604 Okay? They put goldfish in a sandwich. 657 00:41:52,676 --> 00:41:55,975 They put the frog in vise grips. I saw them eating raw meat! 658 00:41:56,046 --> 00:41:58,742 Obvious revolt from two abused children. 659 00:41:58,816 --> 00:42:02,115 Say it to the camera. Say I abused our children. 660 00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:05,178 - Say it to my face. - It's not... 661 00:42:05,256 --> 00:42:08,657 - Go ahead! - I'm not gonna say it to the camera. 662 00:42:08,726 --> 00:42:13,254 All right, say it to me. Go ahead, say I abused our children. 663 00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:16,265 It's not you. It's the fucking camera. 664 00:42:16,333 --> 00:42:18,893 I'm taking the children to my mother's. 665 00:42:18,969 --> 00:42:20,869 No, you're not, Clare. 666 00:42:20,938 --> 00:42:23,133 Their bodies were covered in bite marks. 667 00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:25,107 - I didn't do it! - Well, then who did, 668 00:42:25,175 --> 00:42:28,576 the man in the closet? 669 00:42:33,751 --> 00:42:36,185 Um, February 14th, 1:45 PM. 670 00:42:38,722 --> 00:42:42,385 While the student body of St. Walter's was attending 671 00:42:42,459 --> 00:42:46,395 a St. Valentine's Day assembly in the cafeteria, 672 00:42:48,465 --> 00:42:50,899 Jack and Emily cornered a boy, 673 00:42:50,968 --> 00:42:54,734 Christian McNamara, age nine, 674 00:42:54,805 --> 00:42:56,568 one grade below them, 675 00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,575 into the boys' bathroom. 676 00:42:59,643 --> 00:43:03,272 Once inside, they locked the door 677 00:43:03,347 --> 00:43:07,408 and began to bite him repeatedly. 678 00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:11,817 And they just wouldn't stop. 679 00:43:13,390 --> 00:43:16,518 The boy is fine, uh, medically, 680 00:43:18,228 --> 00:43:20,822 but Jack and Emily have been expelled. 681 00:43:20,898 --> 00:43:22,832 It's clear to me now that no one 682 00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:25,733 was biting Jack and Emily. 683 00:43:27,037 --> 00:43:29,870 Jack and Emily were biting each other. 684 00:43:34,411 --> 00:43:36,379 This has to stop. 685 00:43:42,586 --> 00:43:45,111 Emily? 686 00:43:48,092 --> 00:43:51,084 Emmy? 687 00:43:54,064 --> 00:43:56,362 Emily? 688 00:43:56,433 --> 00:43:59,402 Hey, honey. 689 00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:01,836 The shade is down. 690 00:44:17,388 --> 00:44:20,255 You ready to talk to me about what happened? 691 00:44:21,458 --> 00:44:23,517 'Cause I'm ready to listen. 692 00:44:41,712 --> 00:44:44,476 Why did you hurt Christian McNamara? 693 00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:49,414 Because you did hurt him, you know. 694 00:44:52,056 --> 00:44:54,991 They said that after you bit him, he was bleeding. 695 00:44:55,059 --> 00:44:57,459 You broke the skin but you kept... 696 00:45:05,102 --> 00:45:07,127 Why did you keep biting him? 697 00:45:22,986 --> 00:45:26,547 This picture, this drawing that you and Jack did, 698 00:45:29,193 --> 00:45:32,560 it seems like you had it all planned out. 699 00:45:32,629 --> 00:45:36,190 You were gonna bring him into the bathroom and lock the door, right? 700 00:45:38,569 --> 00:45:41,697 Well, honey, in court, that's called premeditated. 701 00:45:47,511 --> 00:45:49,945 Why did you hurt him? 702 00:45:58,388 --> 00:46:00,515 Baby, do you know how... 703 00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:02,855 do you know how in church 704 00:46:02,926 --> 00:46:06,157 I talk about how for every good thing that God does, 705 00:46:06,230 --> 00:46:09,791 Satan does a bad thing? 706 00:46:09,867 --> 00:46:13,564 Well, just like there are angels on the earth, 707 00:46:13,637 --> 00:46:16,697 there's also demons and they can go everywhere. 708 00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:23,239 Do you think there are bad things in this house? 709 00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:37,989 Who's the man in the closet? 710 00:46:40,697 --> 00:46:43,996 Emily? I need to talk to your father, 711 00:46:44,067 --> 00:46:47,127 so would you go downstairs, please, and please stay out of Jack's room? 712 00:46:47,204 --> 00:46:49,138 Right now. 713 00:46:49,206 --> 00:46:51,367 Thank you. 714 00:46:53,610 --> 00:46:55,908 I'm taking the camera. 715 00:46:55,979 --> 00:46:58,243 Oh, so you get to film the children but I don't, 716 00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:00,613 is that it? It's a family camera, you know. 717 00:47:00,684 --> 00:47:02,709 It's not yours. 718 00:47:04,822 --> 00:47:07,120 I use it for my work. Jack is my work. 719 00:47:07,191 --> 00:47:09,182 Jack is your son. 720 00:47:10,794 --> 00:47:12,591 All right, Jack, 721 00:47:12,663 --> 00:47:16,463 now we're gonna do what's called a Rorschach test, okay? 722 00:47:17,935 --> 00:47:20,403 All you have to do is look at the pictures. 723 00:47:25,242 --> 00:47:27,642 Tell me what you see. 724 00:47:31,648 --> 00:47:35,209 It's okay, Jack, Mommy's not gonna get mad, all right? 725 00:47:37,221 --> 00:47:39,815 You just have to look at the pictures. 726 00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:43,189 Just tell me what you see. 727 00:47:49,466 --> 00:47:52,902 Okay, I'll take the pictures back now, Jack. 728 00:47:52,970 --> 00:47:54,995 Give me the pictures. 729 00:48:16,693 --> 00:48:19,025 I'm beginning a... 730 00:48:21,064 --> 00:48:24,192 a course in, uh, psychopharmacology. 731 00:48:26,103 --> 00:48:28,071 10mg clonidine. 732 00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:43,712 Exorcism doesn't exist for Lutherans. 733 00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:49,214 Nor does it exist, really, in practice for Catholics 734 00:48:49,293 --> 00:48:52,091 or for any Christians, for that matter. 735 00:48:52,162 --> 00:48:53,823 Yellow in the morning, 736 00:48:53,897 --> 00:48:57,264 white in the afternoon, pink in the evening. 737 00:48:57,334 --> 00:48:59,495 It's a practice that's deemed... 738 00:48:59,569 --> 00:49:00,831 archaic. 739 00:49:00,904 --> 00:49:01,029 Never ever take more than one pill at a time. 740 00:49:01,071 --> 00:49:04,302 Never ever take more than one pill at a time. 741 00:49:04,374 --> 00:49:06,365 Do you understand? 742 00:49:06,443 --> 00:49:09,606 Otherwise your body will go into what we call "a conscious coma." 743 00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:13,013 We've somehow today deemed it more palatable 744 00:49:13,083 --> 00:49:16,143 to reduce John Wayne Gacy's 33 murders 745 00:49:16,219 --> 00:49:19,780 to the fact that he was abused as a child. 746 00:49:19,856 --> 00:49:22,552 10mg Haldol... 747 00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:27,889 10mg vesprin. 748 00:49:27,965 --> 00:49:30,433 I got news for you... 749 00:49:34,705 --> 00:49:37,640 there is evil in this house. 750 00:49:43,847 --> 00:49:46,372 Leave this house in Christ. 751 00:49:53,890 --> 00:49:56,654 Leave this house in Christ. 752 00:50:02,232 --> 00:50:04,666 Leave this house in Christ. 753 00:50:04,735 --> 00:50:07,260 Leave this house in Christ. 754 00:50:19,016 --> 00:50:22,577 This is my house! These are my children! 755 00:50:22,652 --> 00:50:26,782 Leave my fucking children alone! Get the fuck out of my house! 756 00:50:32,262 --> 00:50:34,355 Leave this house in Christ. 757 00:50:45,976 --> 00:50:48,240 Leave this house in Christ! 758 00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:53,482 Stay down, stay down! 759 00:51:01,858 --> 00:51:05,692 "The children of the kingdom will be cast into outer darkness, 760 00:51:05,762 --> 00:51:09,630 and there shall be weeping, there shall be gnashing of teeth." 761 00:51:09,699 --> 00:51:12,031 Leave this house in Christ! 762 00:51:12,102 --> 00:51:14,434 - David? David? - Leave this house in... 763 00:51:14,504 --> 00:51:17,337 Leave leave leave leave! 764 00:51:17,407 --> 00:51:20,035 Leave leave! 765 00:51:20,110 --> 00:51:22,772 Leave leave! 766 00:51:22,846 --> 00:51:26,282 Leave leave! 767 00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:31,014 It's okay, the evil is gone. 768 00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:40,220 April 8th, 2007. 769 00:51:40,297 --> 00:51:41,924 Easter Sunday. 770 00:51:41,998 --> 00:51:44,330 Two months have passed. 771 00:51:44,401 --> 00:51:47,131 I'm happy to report that since my last report, 772 00:51:47,204 --> 00:51:51,106 Jack and Emily's antisocial behavior has surceased. 773 00:51:51,174 --> 00:51:55,201 The Haldol and vesprin show no negative side effects, 774 00:51:55,278 --> 00:51:58,338 allowing them to successfully reenter school. 775 00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:02,112 Much to our surprise, they have befriended Christian McNamara, 776 00:52:02,185 --> 00:52:04,653 inviting him over to hunt for Easter eggs, 777 00:52:04,721 --> 00:52:07,986 proving once again that there is no good child, 778 00:52:08,058 --> 00:52:10,219 there is no bad child, 779 00:52:10,293 --> 00:52:12,056 there is only diagnosis. 780 00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:16,088 - And with the diagnosis, treatment. - You're insane. 781 00:52:16,166 --> 00:52:18,361 I have treated my children. 782 00:52:24,508 --> 00:52:26,999 Hey, guys, what are you doing? 783 00:52:27,077 --> 00:52:28,738 - Hey, Dad. - Hi, Daddy! 784 00:52:28,812 --> 00:52:31,007 - Hey, Mr. Poe. - Hi, honey. Hey, Christian. 785 00:52:31,081 --> 00:52:33,447 - Are my kids being good to you? - Yeah. 786 00:52:33,517 --> 00:52:35,849 - Outstanding. - Hi, Dad. 787 00:52:35,919 --> 00:52:39,480 Hey, what's going on? Hi, honey. 788 00:52:39,556 --> 00:52:41,251 - How are you? - Good. 789 00:52:41,324 --> 00:52:42,689 What are you guys up to? Are you having fun? 790 00:52:42,759 --> 00:52:46,695 - Mm-hmm. - Nice. How about this? 791 00:52:49,266 --> 00:52:51,530 Is this embarrassing you? 792 00:52:52,569 --> 00:52:54,503 - Yes. - Huh? 793 00:52:54,571 --> 00:52:57,199 - Okay, what are you building? - A fort. 794 00:52:57,274 --> 00:52:59,435 Yeah? You have enough blankets to build a fort? 795 00:52:59,509 --> 00:53:02,478 - Mm-hmm. - All right, build it strong 796 00:53:02,546 --> 00:53:04,070 because William Tecumseh Sherman's coming. 797 00:53:07,851 --> 00:53:10,251 Too young for Fort Sumter jokes? 798 00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,754 - No, I got it. - It's not funny? 799 00:53:12,822 --> 00:53:15,052 - Nah, kind of. - Okay. 800 00:53:16,660 --> 00:53:18,821 We're gonna get ready for the Easter egg hunt. 801 00:53:18,895 --> 00:53:20,419 - Okay. - In a half an hour. 802 00:53:20,497 --> 00:53:22,897 Can I see by show of hands who wants to hunt Easter eggs? 803 00:53:22,966 --> 00:53:25,833 Outstanding. Okay, we're gonna do it in half an hour, okay? 804 00:53:25,902 --> 00:53:27,836 - Mm-hmm. - Synchronize watches. 805 00:53:27,904 --> 00:53:29,804 - All right. - We're not wearing watches. 806 00:53:29,873 --> 00:53:31,238 - Bye, Daddy! - Bye, Mr. Poe. 807 00:53:31,308 --> 00:53:33,538 - Hey, I love you. - I love you too, Daddy. 808 00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:35,840 - I love you, honey. - I love you too. 809 00:53:35,912 --> 00:53:37,277 - See you in the kitchen. - Okay! 810 00:53:37,347 --> 00:53:39,406 All right? 811 00:53:39,482 --> 00:53:42,349 Cutest kids in the world. 812 00:53:42,419 --> 00:53:45,252 I'm gonna do a little recap for the kids. 813 00:53:45,322 --> 00:53:47,347 10 years ago, Easter, you and I? 814 00:53:47,424 --> 00:53:50,951 Oh, Mr. Romance. 815 00:53:51,027 --> 00:53:52,961 Yes, children, 816 00:53:53,029 --> 00:53:55,463 your father was walking out of a church, 817 00:53:55,532 --> 00:53:58,365 looked across the quad. He spotted your mother, 818 00:53:58,435 --> 00:54:01,302 the patented David Poe charm kicked in and... 819 00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:05,405 You could almost hear it. We got to talking. 820 00:54:05,475 --> 00:54:07,943 Yeah, you got to talking. I got to staring, 821 00:54:08,011 --> 00:54:10,775 wondering what you were doing with a Bible in your hand. 822 00:54:10,847 --> 00:54:13,372 Mm-hmm, and she said with all requisite sarcasm... 823 00:54:13,450 --> 00:54:16,476 "Are Jehovah's Witnesses 824 00:54:16,553 --> 00:54:20,284 and other religious types 825 00:54:20,357 --> 00:54:22,120 allowed to flirt with co-eds?" 826 00:54:22,192 --> 00:54:24,160 I said, "No, Jehovah's Witnesses are not required 827 00:54:24,227 --> 00:54:26,559 by law to flirt with co-eds, however... 828 00:54:26,630 --> 00:54:29,326 Lutherans are." 829 00:54:29,399 --> 00:54:31,765 And I explained... 830 00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:34,702 Yes, with a great deal of condescension, I might add. 831 00:54:34,771 --> 00:54:36,466 ...with a great deal of condescension 832 00:54:36,539 --> 00:54:39,201 that if she had any doubts about this fact, 833 00:54:39,276 --> 00:54:42,677 that she might want to present herself at the divinity school kegger 834 00:54:42,746 --> 00:54:45,874 on Friday night at midnight because the Theology department 835 00:54:45,949 --> 00:54:49,316 at Harvard is, bar none, party central on campus. 836 00:54:49,386 --> 00:54:51,820 - That was our first date. - It was our first date. 837 00:54:51,888 --> 00:54:55,688 And you didn't think the beer was good enough for me 838 00:54:55,759 --> 00:54:58,523 - so you brought, um... - Come. 839 00:54:58,595 --> 00:55:02,156 - Um, you brought me... - A box of wine. 840 00:55:02,232 --> 00:55:05,759 - A box of wine. - Wine that comes from a box. 841 00:55:05,835 --> 00:55:08,599 - Mr. Romance. - Johnny Romance. 842 00:55:10,507 --> 00:55:12,475 And I asked you 843 00:55:12,542 --> 00:55:15,636 what could a psychiatrist and a pastor 844 00:55:15,712 --> 00:55:18,306 - ever have in common and... - I said, "Faith." 845 00:55:18,381 --> 00:55:20,144 ...and you said faith. - Faith. 846 00:55:20,216 --> 00:55:24,710 That the two of us, more than any other people, could actually help people. 847 00:55:24,788 --> 00:55:27,916 That's right. And I do love you, 848 00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:30,516 but I don't believe in Freud. 849 00:55:30,593 --> 00:55:32,959 That's okay. I don't believe in God. 850 00:55:33,029 --> 00:55:36,192 That's okay. He believes in you. He believes in this family. 851 00:55:36,266 --> 00:55:39,133 That makes three of us. 852 00:55:42,505 --> 00:55:44,166 Oh. 853 00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,105 Hmm. 854 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:49,043 Is that a carrot in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 855 00:55:49,112 --> 00:55:51,637 As a matter of fact... 856 00:55:51,715 --> 00:55:52,977 Oh my God. 857 00:55:53,049 --> 00:55:55,517 ...it is a carrot. 858 00:55:55,585 --> 00:55:57,951 That came from the strangest place. 859 00:56:00,056 --> 00:56:03,184 - Would you like a bite of my carrot? - You know I would. 860 00:56:04,861 --> 00:56:07,796 - See? - Why, I oughta... 861 00:56:10,066 --> 00:56:12,091 Junior filmmaker bunny. 862 00:56:12,168 --> 00:56:15,035 Mr. Bunny, Mr. Filmmaker. 863 00:56:15,105 --> 00:56:19,041 Jack, Emily! Come on down, it's time to hunt for Easter eggs! 864 00:56:19,109 --> 00:56:21,634 That's the TV. 865 00:56:21,711 --> 00:56:23,201 It's so frickin' loud. 866 00:56:23,279 --> 00:56:25,406 "Frickin"'? 867 00:56:25,482 --> 00:56:28,508 Yeah, I said frickin', sorry. 868 00:56:28,585 --> 00:56:30,519 Jack, Emily! 869 00:56:38,628 --> 00:56:41,529 Hey, the TV. 870 00:56:41,598 --> 00:56:43,691 It's so loud... 871 00:56:55,745 --> 00:56:57,542 - Hey, what's up? - They're not here. 872 00:56:57,614 --> 00:57:00,139 - They're not here? What do you mean? - I don't know. 873 00:57:00,216 --> 00:57:01,979 Jack? 874 00:57:03,720 --> 00:57:05,847 Emily? 875 00:58:15,658 --> 00:58:17,819 Oh, what's reeking? 876 00:58:18,895 --> 00:58:20,556 Oh, Jack. 877 00:58:22,665 --> 00:58:23,996 No. 878 00:58:25,268 --> 00:58:27,463 No. 879 00:58:27,537 --> 00:58:30,370 Oh God. 880 00:58:51,327 --> 00:58:55,491 Because it's Easter Sunday and our children are minors... 881 00:58:58,334 --> 00:59:00,928 DCFS, against our better wishes, 882 00:59:01,004 --> 00:59:04,804 has given us custody of our children 883 00:59:04,874 --> 00:59:08,366 until the court arraignment tomorrow. 884 00:59:14,584 --> 00:59:17,712 Tonight will be their last night in this house. 885 00:59:22,692 --> 00:59:26,128 Tomorrow they will be charged as minors... 886 00:59:27,697 --> 00:59:30,495 with, uh, one count of 887 00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:35,368 unlawful restraint, one count attempted murder 888 00:59:35,438 --> 00:59:39,568 with a provision llI clause of juvenile detention 889 00:59:39,642 --> 00:59:42,270 until the age of 18. 890 00:59:46,816 --> 00:59:50,013 Tomorrow morning, Jack and Emily are... 891 00:59:52,488 --> 00:59:54,854 Gonna go away. 892 01:00:00,463 --> 01:00:03,193 Like Abraham 893 01:00:03,266 --> 01:00:06,360 sacrificed Isaac, 894 01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:10,372 so we must sacrifice our children. 895 01:00:25,288 --> 01:00:27,552 But even still... 896 01:00:31,060 --> 01:00:33,426 I love my children. 897 01:00:38,001 --> 01:00:40,799 How can I not love my son 898 01:00:40,870 --> 01:00:43,668 and my baby girl? 899 01:00:45,842 --> 01:00:47,571 Come on. Come on. 900 01:00:47,644 --> 01:00:50,579 Honey. 901 01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:54,344 - What? - We can stop. 902 01:00:56,519 --> 01:00:59,784 No. 903 01:00:59,856 --> 01:01:02,689 - Come on, let's finish. - No no no. 904 01:01:02,759 --> 01:01:06,024 We're not gonna show this... 905 01:01:06,095 --> 01:01:08,893 to anyone, 906 01:01:08,965 --> 01:01:11,627 so we're not talking to anyone. 907 01:01:11,701 --> 01:01:13,692 We are talking to ourselves. 908 01:01:13,770 --> 01:01:16,295 Understand that? We're talking to ourselves. 909 01:01:16,372 --> 01:01:20,570 I'm sorry. 910 01:01:32,488 --> 01:01:34,922 - I'm sorry. - That's okay. 911 01:01:41,497 --> 01:01:44,022 I'm sorry. 912 01:01:45,101 --> 01:01:46,398 I'm sorry. 913 01:01:49,238 --> 01:01:51,832 DCFS, against our better wishes, 914 01:01:51,908 --> 01:01:55,674 has given us custody of our children 915 01:01:55,745 --> 01:01:59,146 until the court arraignment tomorrow. 916 01:02:00,850 --> 01:02:03,717 Hi, and welcome to "The Jack and Emily Show." 917 01:02:03,786 --> 01:02:05,981 I'm Jack. 918 01:02:06,055 --> 01:02:08,285 I'm Emily. 919 01:02:09,792 --> 01:02:12,158 Let's have some fun. 920 01:02:14,831 --> 01:02:18,426 You're quiet in there. I can't even hear you, 921 01:02:18,501 --> 01:02:21,368 but I know you're there. 922 01:02:23,339 --> 01:02:25,432 Let's have a staring contest. 923 01:02:25,508 --> 01:02:28,807 I dare you to stare until our movie's done. 924 01:02:30,012 --> 01:02:32,810 I bet you you can't. 925 01:04:18,754 --> 01:04:20,745 - Jack! - Please stop! 926 01:04:20,823 --> 01:04:22,723 Stop! Oh my God! 927 01:04:22,792 --> 01:04:26,819 Stop it! Oh, God, please! 928 01:04:26,896 --> 01:04:30,491 Jack, stop! Jack, what are you doing? 929 01:04:30,566 --> 01:04:33,399 Stop it! Stop! 930 01:04:33,469 --> 01:04:35,300 Please! 931 01:05:37,733 --> 01:05:39,598 And action. 932 01:06:02,258 --> 01:06:04,920 Untie me, untie me. 933 01:06:04,994 --> 01:06:07,462 - I'm gonna call the police! - Untie me. 934 01:06:07,530 --> 01:06:10,328 Untie me! 935 01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:17,800 They cut... they cut the phone lines. 936 01:06:17,873 --> 01:06:20,398 Take the baseball bat. 937 01:06:20,476 --> 01:06:23,138 - Get the fucking bat. - What? 938 01:06:23,212 --> 01:06:25,373 - Get the bat, Clare. - Where? 939 01:06:25,448 --> 01:06:27,973 It's upstairs in Jack's room. 940 01:06:28,050 --> 01:06:30,109 I can't go up there. It's dark up there. 941 01:06:30,186 --> 01:06:33,087 Take the camera. There's a light on the camera. 942 01:06:33,155 --> 01:06:35,316 There's a switch on the side. 943 01:06:37,626 --> 01:06:39,856 Get the fucking bat. 944 01:06:39,929 --> 01:06:42,124 Where's the... where's the light? 945 01:06:42,198 --> 01:06:43,825 - It's on the side! - How do you turn on the light? 946 01:06:43,899 --> 01:06:45,867 By the handle on the side! 947 01:06:54,210 --> 01:06:56,474 Clare! 948 01:07:01,550 --> 01:07:03,177 Clare! 949 01:07:06,022 --> 01:07:09,048 Clare! Clare! 950 01:07:19,168 --> 01:07:21,636 Go! Go! 951 01:07:21,704 --> 01:07:24,502 Jack! Emily! 952 01:07:24,573 --> 01:07:28,031 Stop this shit right now! 953 01:07:28,110 --> 01:07:31,170 You listen to your father. 954 01:07:31,247 --> 01:07:33,943 Untie me. 955 01:07:35,484 --> 01:07:37,418 Un-fucking-tie me! 956 01:07:37,486 --> 01:07:40,421 Jack! Emily! 957 01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:06,113 Jack. 958 01:08:19,128 --> 01:08:22,564 All right, guys, I can see you so you don't move, okay? 959 01:08:22,631 --> 01:08:26,965 If you move, I will break every bone in your fucking body, do you understand? 960 01:08:29,538 --> 01:08:31,836 David? 961 01:08:31,907 --> 01:08:34,774 David! 962 01:08:34,844 --> 01:08:37,608 - Yeah. - Do you have everything? 963 01:08:37,680 --> 01:08:40,945 - Just one more bag. - Okay. 964 01:08:43,552 --> 01:08:45,816 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 965 01:08:45,888 --> 01:08:47,981 Are you sure? 966 01:08:49,558 --> 01:08:51,890 - Honey, are you sure you're okay? - I just have a headache. 967 01:08:51,961 --> 01:08:54,293 - That's awfully bright. - Sorry sorry. 968 01:08:57,700 --> 01:09:00,760 All right, you guys. This is it. 969 01:09:00,836 --> 01:09:04,465 You are leaving this house. 970 01:09:04,540 --> 01:09:06,565 You are not our children. 971 01:09:09,512 --> 01:09:12,743 I don't know what you are. 972 01:09:12,815 --> 01:09:15,682 You stay right there. David? 973 01:09:18,454 --> 01:09:22,151 David? 974 01:09:22,224 --> 01:09:24,692 Oh my God. David? 975 01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:28,491 Honey? Honey? 976 01:09:28,564 --> 01:09:30,828 Oh my God. David? 977 01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:34,666 Oh my God. Oh my God! 978 01:09:34,737 --> 01:09:38,104 Oh my God! Oh my God! 979 01:09:41,810 --> 01:09:44,074 What did you do? 980 01:09:49,585 --> 01:09:52,315 Oh my God. 981 01:09:52,388 --> 01:09:54,982 Oh my God, did they drug us? 982 01:09:56,358 --> 01:09:59,350 Oh my God. You fucking drugged us! 983 01:11:07,663 --> 01:11:10,257 No! 984 01:11:11,900 --> 01:11:14,801 Get back! Get the fuck...! 985 01:11:23,846 --> 01:11:26,872 Get back! 986 01:12:01,450 --> 01:12:03,577 Help! 987 01:12:14,530 --> 01:12:17,499 Help! Help! 70780

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