All language subtitles for Franklin.and.Bash.S01E03

You there Tokyo?

Yeah, Tokyo here.

Cairo, you hear me?

Cairo rules!

Alright Los Angeles
is in the house.

Alright, let's do it.

Hey Newt, maybe this time
you don't want to

put the grenade launcher
under the garage.

Says the soldier who
kills his own people, right.

Lie down next to
the doorway, all right, hot shots?

-Come on. Let's do this.
-Let's do it, L.A.

Come on.

-Ohh!
-No! No, no, no, no, no!

-What happened?
-We're down.

What happened?
What are you doing?

I got kicked offline.

What were you doing?

Were you messing
with our Internet again?

I was just I.M.'Ing
with a friend...

And updating my profile
and writing an e-vite.

For the party in your pants?

How dare you?
I'm gonna call Gene.

Clan member #1:
No. Don't call Gene, all right?

Just call the -- the --
the heroes of tech.

All right? They're good.

Those guys are plumbers.

Our system doesn't talk
to the tower.

Even i can't fix it.

Only Gene Toy can keep us
on the grid.

Guys, I think
I'm gonna take off.

-No, come on, hold on.
-What?

Oh, come on,
like you got somewhere to be?

Yeah, I'm gonna head out, too.

Come on, come on. Just stick
around. We'll play beer Jenga.

Yeah, come on, you guys.
Come on. Don't.

Eh.

If you leave, we'll be
alone with each...

Maybe it'll come back on.

Franklin & Bash 1x03
Jennifer of Troy
Original Air Date on June 15, 2011

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ such a vivid picture ♪

♪ ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ if I must say so myself ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

I optimized bandwidth
last week.

I don't understand.

Streaming porn, music,
and live-action gaming,

you need the bandwidth
of a Vegas hotel.

-It's the gaming.
-It's not the gaming.

It's definitely the gaming.

Gene Toy!
How you been, man?

I've been doing some stuff
out in Joshua Tree.

I went on a vision quest

and had sex
for 12 straight hours

on a mountaintop
in Joshua Tree once.

I would've kept going, but, uh,
we were surrounded by coyotes.

Is any of that true?

I went to Joshua Tree once.

Everything cool now,
I hope?

No. I'm moving to Chicago.

-What?
-Whoa.

You cannot move to Chicago.

What about building
your own business?

You can't abandon your dream.

Or us.

I'm sorry.
It's out of my hands.

This guy accused me of
stealing meat from his market.

I didn't, but that doesn't
matter in Chinatown.

I know all about C-Town.
It's all Triad and Black Rain.

-Black Rain was in Japan.
-Yeah.

See, when you're accused
in Chinatown, you're shunned.

There's no future for me
here anymore.

-That sucks.
-I'm sorry.

I, uh, I can't reprogram
your grid.

Uh, it takes too many man-hours
that I don't have.

And I got to pack.
I-I'm sorry.

-Oh, all right.
-We understand, man.

-Just...
-Wow. Sorry!

Sorry you can't do what we...

I want to play games.

Morning, everyone.
Two new cases today.

A former assistant at Stirred
is coming in,

claiming that she was fired

for being -- get this --
too attractive.

Stirred? What's...

It's a luxury
and lifestyle magazine.

It's for men, so you guys
probably haven't heard of it.

Really? You want to go there,
Mr. Mani and Pedis on Saturdays?

Um, and, second,

the wife of one
of our biggest clients

has been cited
for public urination

outside of a Red Lobster.

Oh, well, there you go.

That's got "Franklin and Bash"
written all over it.

No, we'll take
the Stirred case.

-Ah.
-Okay, sure.

I mean, I've seen the plaintiff.
It's a solid case.

But I don't know
that you two newbies...

-Did he call us noobs?
-Yeah.

...That you two newbies
have the bag

to go up against the magazine's
founder, Big Mack.

Uh, actually, uh,
it's his daughter, Katherine,

that's running it now.

Very sexy. I'd like to see her
in the Swimsuit issue.

We'll take the case.
And we'll win it.

-Ah! Good.
-There is no way.

I guarantee it.

You want
to put some money on it?

-Ooh!
-Yeah.

I've seen you eyeballing
our ginormous office.

It's almost too big for us.

-It's just the two of us.
-It's just -- I know.

Well, my contract stipulates

that I get
the second-largest office,

so, technically,
that office is already mine.

And yet I bring in
twice the business you do.

All right,
our double-wide office

for that sweet guitar in yours.

Well,
not the Gretsch White Falcon

that I got you from Jack White?

No, no, no, you're crazy.
Don't.

You want to give up
the present from your uncle?

I'm sorry,
what were you saying about bag?

Deal.

All right.

Did you get that?
All right.

We need to find somebody
to replace Gene Toy.

We shouldn't have had Pindar
cobble together that lame grid.

Oh, man, we could lose our right
to host "Killzone" marathons.

It's like losing the Olympics.

I say we go to Chinatown,
have lunch,

and check out the scene
of the crime,

see if we can help Gene out.

Excuse me. Um,
I'm here to meet my attorneys.

Red Lobster!

Oh.
Allure by Chanel.

I'm Jennifer Putnam
from Stirred.

You're claiming
Stirred magazine fired you

because you were too hot?

Wow.
That's not my word exactly.

But, well, thank you. Yes.

Would you excuse us?

-Karp! What are you doing?
-No, no, no.

Hey. Yo.
Hey. We need to talk.

Hey, hey, stop walking!

You knew she wasn't pretty.

Depending on the time of
night. She's last-call pretty.

-Yeah. In Alaska.
-The bet is off.

You made a verbal
commitment in front of witnesses

to win the case, so suck it.

Uh -- you have awoken
the bear, my friend!

Ladies.

-Hi.
-Hey.

As assistant
to the publisher,

what were your responsibilities?

To answer Katherine's
phone, keep her schedule,

and help plan events, like this
weekend's mega-fundraiser.

Did she ever say to you

you were "too beautiful"
to work there?

No, she didn't have to.

The amount of attention
I received

from the men in the office
was overwhelming.

I'm sure.

But we're gonna need specifics.

Oh, uh, well,
they swarmed around my desk,

held doors for me,
followed me off the elevator.

Is that specific enough?

You're really staring at me.

It's hard not to.

-Have you ever modeled?
-And gotten paid for it?

Oh, if you walk
through this world

knowing that you're beautiful,
other people will know it, too.

Okay, so, I'll --
I'll -- I'll write "no."

If you want, sure.

Uh, what do -- what do the
other women in the office look like?

They're what I'd call
traditionally attractive.

I'm sort of an exotic bird
at Stirred.

Got it. Okay. Well, we'll
take a ride over to the office later

and see if there's any shot
at a settlement.

Oh, I don't want to settle.

Sorry? Hmm?

I want my day in court.

This isn't just about my job.
This is big.

I'm the Norma Rae
of beautiful women.

Okay, well, that --
that'll -- that'll do it.

-Yeah.
-Because we need to

confer to see if we're actually
gonna decide to take your case.

This is gonna be great.

Who knows --
we could be in this

all the way
to the Supreme Court!

This --

There's a chance.

-Sure.
-There is.

I can't tell if
Jennifer is delusional

or has the most inflated
if self-esteem ever.

I always thought
they were one and the same.

"Your strength and endurance
are legendary with oral sex."

I'm supposed to
do the punch lines.

No, it actually says that.

We should eat there more often.

I know.

-Excuse me.
-Sorry.

Sorry. Thank you.

Behind you!

We're, uh -- oh, ho ho!
You all right?

We're looking for Mr. Han.

Dad! There's some guys
here to see you!

-Hey.
-He stole a rabbit?

May I help you?

Uh, yeah,
we represent Gene Toy,

and you're gonna have to
take that down,

'cause he hasn't been charged
with anything and it's defamatory.

It's my store.
I do things my way.

Okay, sir, what exactly
are you accusing him of?

Stuffing a frozen rabbit
down his pants.

Aw, who hasn't
accidentally done that?

I'm sure he had every intention
of paying for the rabbit.

He had no receipt.

Gene Toy steals from my store,
he steals from my family!

You know what I'm thinking?

Injunctive relief and force
Han to take down these signs?

-Absolutely.
-Sorry.

-But right now?
-Palate cleanser.

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Oh.

Here you go, gentlemen.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

We wouldn't get
any work done here.

Unh-unh.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mr. Franklin, Mr. Bash.

Her claim is unusual,

especially considering
the other women who work here.

So I'd like to make this quick
and easy for everyone.

We're all ears.

Jennifer drops the lawsuit,

and, in turn, we provide her

with a glowing
recommendation letter.

No mention
that she was terminated.

Wow.
So your settlement offer

is a promise
not to be mean to her.

Jennifer Putnam
wasn't good at her job.

That's why she was fired.

Our client disagrees
with you, Katherine.

She's never been fired
from a job before,

and she's got glowing reviews

from her past supervisors
here at Stirred.

I was her most recent
supervisor.

These are performance memos
from August on.

I know we can come
to a quick resolution.

Hey!

-How's it going over here?
-Dad, I got this.

Can we meet Big Mack?
Can we just say "hi"?

Just to shake the hand
of the man who --

No, you're just gonna walk away
like that, right?

It's nothing.
Don't worry about it.

Big Mack. Big Mack!

-Don't do that. Don't.
-No?

The next time you're in the end
zone, act like you've been there before.

Oh, I never have --
not in an end zone like this.

Holy -- shhh.
Give me a minute.

Uh, not many women
feel comfortable

holding eye contact
for more than three seconds.

A less worldly man
might consider that predatory.

Your accent is wonderful!

I bet I can tell
where you're from.

Oh. Impossible, darling.

Any hometown inflection
has been watered down

by 30 hard years
in Santa Monica.

I hear Dartmoor...

and University of Liverpool.

Oh. Do I know you?

Ah.

What a lovely young woman.

None of these memos are true.

Katherine had it in for me
because I turned down surgery.

Oh, the Stirred benefits package
includes plastic surgery.

Katherine says everyone
has room for improvement.

And you don't agree with that?

No.
I'm fortunate.

This package has gotten me
very far in life.

I just remembered we're
supposed to call another client.

Jennifer, could you give us
a-a moment, please?

Oh, I get it --
lawyer-client privilege.

That is so cool!

Thank you.

We got to get out of this.

How?

It's just always hard
to dump a girl.

But the quicker you do it,
the less painful for everyone.

The quicker I do it?

You need more practice
than me.

No! Infeld will be pissed,
Karp will get our office,

and you and I will be relegated
to defending women

who pee outside Red Lobster!

-Come in.
-Is this a joke?

Infeld's going around
calling her "captivating."

She wasn't fired
for being too beautiful.

She was fired
for not being pretty enough.

She was discriminated against
but not for the reasons she thinks.

That's a case we can win.

Well, good luck telling
little Miss Sunshine.

Oh, good lord.
Grow a pair.

Hit her with the facts
and rip off the scab.

I have a pair.

Great -- we get to tell
a woman who feels beautiful

that the rest of the world
doesn't even notice her --

peeing outside of a Red Lobster,
nowhere near a school zone.

-We fight this!
-Right.

Hi, I'm Jenn.

You know what -- I was gonna
get that same dress,

but the fabric
was a little itchy.

We would have been twins.

I hope someone's
complimented you today,

because you look
so absolutely fabulous.

Thank you.

Uh, Hanna.

Nice meeting you.

Jennifer.
We know that a jury...

Well, I should say,
we've tried a lot of cases,

and we...think...

As we move forward...
You should -- we should, um...

Peter?

Guys.

-Heads in the game, okay?
-Okay.

We're gonna take your case

because we agree
that you were fired...

For being too beautiful,
and we're gonna prove it.

We're gonna win.

"We're gonna win" on 3.

Okay. Come on.

"We're gonna win." 1, 2, 3.

-1, 2, 3...
-We're gonna win.

We're gonna win!

-Yeah. Oh, certainly.
-Yeah. I know.

Stirred sees it

as a straightforward
termination case.

Well, Jennifer disputes
the performance memos.

And she has a history
at this job and others

of being competent
and responsible.

Her face
isn't even symmetrical, people.

Beauty is based on symmetry.

My face?
Perfectly symmetrical.

Had it professionally analyzed.

Okay, you can't talk
for the rest of the day.

What am I supposed to
do? We're still offline.

I don't know.
That's all you've got?

Insulting our client
or -- or firing up porn?

Not a big reader.

Stirred sells
the cool bachelor's life.

What if we sell back?

Ooh, like
"The emperor has no clothes."

Yeah.
We make them define beauty.

Gene Toy.

-Gene Toy!
-Gene!

You feeling
injunctively relieved?

No.
Get your asses down here.

I want to show you something.
Now!

He just yelled at me.

Whoa!

What is this?

Am I really that short?

Just the angle.

What does it say
under our picture?

"Unclean
rabbit-thief lawyers."

I take issue
with "unclean."

My landlord evicted me.

My investment club
kicked me out. I'm ruined here.

All right, Gene, Gene,
we can fix all this.

No. Can't you see
you've done enough harm?

Just leave me alone.

Gene, you can sue.

No western courts.

Don't you get it?
This is why I'm in this mess.

Well, then, how do you
get justice around here?

My only hope of repairing
the Toy family name

and staying in Chinatown is to
land a hearing with the council.

They have all the power.

There's a Chinatown Council?

This just keeps getting better.

We want
to make it up to you, Gene.

Yeah, you can.
Stay away from Chinatown.

Gene! Don't...

Damn, man.

Are you gonna fix our grid?

Last night, I shared
an incredibly expensive meal

with the mayor.

The nest of the swift bird

is built entirely
out of her hardened saliva.

Any idea where bird's nest soup
originated from,

400 years ago?

That's well before my time.

Yeah. I don't know.

Hmm.

-Uh...
-Okay.

This, we can ex--

Someone had dinner in Chinatown.

Yeah. A grocery-store
owner accused our friend

of shoplifting,
and we tried to help.

Good job on that.

Your insensitivity
to their customs

has made the Infeld/Daniels name
unclean.

Sorry about that.

We got injunctive relief
for our friend

so the owner would have to
take down a damaging display.

Injunctive relief?
No wonder!

Why not just smear pig feces
all over his face

in the middle
of Chung King Road?

That was plan "B."
We were gonna start with...

Sir, we've dropped the case,
and -- and we're gonna get

-every last flyer taken down.
-Every one.

Well, good, but that's
not gonna exonerate your friend.

No, he's trying to get some date
with the Chinatown Council.

The apocryphal
council of elders!

It does exist!

I first heard about this

during a game of pai gow
in Rangoon in '67.

Now, your friend...

Must get a hearing
with this council.

Well, we promised him
we'd back off.

Oh, very wise.

You're obviously unschooled
in Chinese judicial culture.

No, uh...

Damien and I are
taking over the case.

We're going to Chinatown.

We?

Well, y-you know
I don't parallel park.

And we'll prove it,
because Jennifer Putnam

is 50-car-pileup beautiful!

Let me guess.

Miss Sproik has a haughty sneer
on her face, huh?

Like the only beautiful women
are in the pages of Stirred.

But how can that be?

You, ma'am. Your husband thinks
you're beautiful, right?

And yet I don't recognize you
from any magazines,

but that doesn't mean
you're not beautiful,

because, believe me, you are.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we'll prove that Jennifer
was a great assistant.

And it goes without saying --
but I'm gonna say it anyway --

she is a stunner.

Now, her looks may have been
disruptive Stirred,

but it wasn't her fault.

She didn't deserve to be fired
for how she looked.

That is discrimination.

This is more fun
than I thought.

That's great.
I take it back.

This was definitely
worth the trip.

Mr. Han?

Yes?

Oh. Mr. Han. How do you
do? Damien Karp, Infeld/Daniels.

This is Stanton Infeld, the
founding partner of the firm.

How do you do?

How many of you are there?

The goat meat is tough
again. Can I send it back?

Not now, Tonia.

Uh, yes.

You know, it's both
unusual and refreshing

to see a female butcher.

She's my daughter.

Oh, I gathered.

She rolled her eyes
when she went away.

Sir, Gene Toy's original
attorneys are new to the firm.

They're young. But they still
have more than 37 ad leases

on bus benches
all across the city.

There's no telling
what they might put on them.

They could destroy
your business.

You come here
to blackmail me?

Uh, Mr. Han.

You got the meeting,
didn't you?

Hmm? Ah.
Oh, look. Yeah.

Sheep's brain on sale.

Hmm.

You get to sleep
with Zoe Saldana.

I like it.

But your mom has to watch.

Um, I'll get it.

How far away is mom?
And is she wearing her glasses?

A foot away. And
up-to-date prescription specs.

Can it be your mom?

'Cause I think
I could get into that.

-Hanna!
-Hanna?

Welcome back
to the island of broken toys.

Nice job
in court today, Peter.

-I helped.
-I could, too.

-How?
-Why?

Well, because I'm
starting to like your client.

And Karp thinks he's entitled
to your office,

even though I've been
at the firm longer

and my billables are higher.

So, what's your strategy?

Well, we're going for the
hard sell that our client's a babe

and hoping
that'll force the defense

to be mean to a sweet girl.

Interesting.

But beauty is about impact.

Beauty...

is the Helen of Troy...

Launching a thousand ships
into battle.

Beauty...

...is the catalyst for making
creatures want to mate.

Beauty...

can make people
do irrational things.

I'm gonna go masturbate.

Just to be clear,

that was the greatest legal
lecture we've ever heard.

But, um
Now what?

It's not enough
to tell jurors

that your client is a babe.

You have to show them
that beauty drives people

to do irrational things.

Show that Jennifer's beauty

drove the men at Stirred
to act inappropriately.

And convinced Katherine

to remove Jennifer
from the equation.

Love it. Love this.

Miss Putnam, these are
photographs of female employees

who worked with you
at Stirred.

Do you think these women
are attractive?

They put a lot of
effort into their appearance,

which is admirable.

It is.

Do you think
you are more beautiful?

Oh, that's not a fair question.

Well, under normal
circumstances, I'd agree.

But we are here today
because you claimed

you were dismissed from your job
for being too beautiful.

So that would imply that you are
more beautiful than these women.

I don't say it to be conceited,

but since I'm under oath,

yes, I do think
I'm more beautiful than them.

But not by much.

Thank you, Miss Putnam.

No more questions, your honor.

Permission to redirect,
your honor.

Really?

The female jurors
identify with Jennifer.

They want a shot
with guys like you.

They want to be
your Helen of Troy.

-You want the redirect?
-Not really.

Why did Infeld hire you?

React to Jennifer's beauty.

Jennifer,
we're almost done here.

You know,
you have been a great witness.

Oh, you've been
a good lawyer, too.

Thank you.
Yes, I-I'm your attorney.

So you should be safe.

I can't say the same when you're
under cross by Miss Sproik.

She's just doing her job.

Yes, she is -- just like
you were just doing yours

Stirred, right?

Yeah.

Good. Good.

So Jennifer...

Can you tell the court

how you would answer the phone
at Stirred?

Uh, what I'd say
or how I'd say it?

Either. Both.

Here, pretend...
this is your phone.

Oh, okay.

Katherine Mack's office.
May I help you?

Let me just make sure
my, uh, phone is turned off.

That'd be embarrassing, huh?

It would. It was off.

But if someone had called,
would you have played along?

You take a lot of pride
in the party

that you planned
for the magazine, don't you?

I do.
It's a fundraiser downtown.

I got a lunch station

where top chefs
like Wolfgang Puck make, uh --

Let me guess. Lunch.

Yes.

Most important meal of the day.

God, I'm...

I'm so hungry.

Are you hungry?

You have to say "yes" or "no"

so the court reporter
can get it.

Okay.

Unh-unh-unh.

"Yes"...Or "no."

Yes.

Oh! Objection!

Counsel is making out with his
client on the stand! Your honor!

Mr. Bash, stop
kissing your client! Bailiff!

Mr. Bash, I should have you
charged with contempt.

It's okay. I don't
want to press any charges.

Your honor, I'm so sorry.

Mr. Bash was overcome
by Miss Putnam's beauty.

It won't happen again.

That was
a desperate attempt.

Thanks.

$25,000 to stop this.

My father's a generous man.

He's also worth
over $300 million.

$55,000,
the recommendation letter,

and a confidentiality clause
with penalty.

-Fine.
-No way.

You know where to contact me.

Yes, I do.

Hey, this is good money. And
we haven't proven anything yet.

Where's Jenn?
Have you seen Jenn?

Yeah, she's back at the office.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You okay?

The jury sees Jennifer
differently, and so do I.

We're not settling.
Gather the troops.

I have a strategy.

Stock the courtroom
with unattractive women.

It's through there.

Give Jennifer
a comparative edge.

How can somebody
so symmetrical be so

annoying at the same time?

I believe they're unrelated.

Okay, when it was just us,

$55,000 would have been
a gold rush.

Okay, why would Katherine
offer a recommendation letter

and then up the offer
to $55,000?

Well, so far, we're stuck
at the "she said, they said."

And there are a lot more
of them,

and they're coming off
a little more --

Sane? Yeah.

I've been going over
these depo transcripts.

Everybody is toeing
the company line.

You would, too, if you had
Katherine Mack behind you. She's scary.

Yeah.
It's like a culture of secrecy.

You know what? If Jennifer was
as bad at her job as they say,

why offer a settlement?

Remember when we saw
Big Mack in the office?

She did everything she could

to make sure we had no contact
with him.

Wait a second. She was
hiding Big Mack from you?

Yeah, maybe.

-Why?
-I don't know.

There is that fundraiser

that Jennifer was planning
with Katherine.

Maybe Big Mack
will be there tomorrow.

And so will we.

Can you --
can you get down further?

Uh, no, uh, I-I can't.

Is your forehead
touching the floor?

If you can't tell,
how will they?

Oh. They know everything.

You have to feel comfortable

with the deeply respectful
kowtow that the council expects.

Karp, I hope you got that raise.

Oh, I'm --
I'm just fluffing. You're next.

Mm-hmm.
Sir, we need you to sign off

on an expense
for the Stirred case.

It's for a table
at a public fundraiser

that Stirred is co-sponsoring.

It's a fantastic cause.

And we want to ask Big Mack
some questions before trial.

What is the fantastic cause?

-Heal...
-Uh, save the rain f--

-...Babies.
-Save the rain babies.

Oh, all right. It's a
fundraiser. It's tax-deductible.

Have a good time.

See, this feels like home.

Thank you.

See, I like to think
that they're always here,

throwing that ball back
and forth, back and forth.

Ugh. Buzzkill.

-Where?
-Katherine Mack.

Peter, um, I don't
want this to be awkward,

but you know what happened
in court yesterday,

that wasn't real.

You'll know when it's real.

Jennifer Putnam
is suing us. She can't be here.

Well, we wrote a check for
$5,000 for a public fundraiser.

We're not here
to cause any trouble.

Recycle, reuse...
And the other one.

I don't care
about you. It's her I want out.

She helped plan this shindig.

She's not under house arrest.

I don't want security
to have to throw her out.

Oho! Do.

Keep an eye on this group.

-Whoo!
-Yeah.

Aw, uh, come on!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

You seeing what I'm seeing?

Our client in a burkini?

No.

Hey, yeah. Big Mack.

Doesn't look too uncomfortable
to be around her.

Peter, there's someone
I want you to meet.

This is Evan. He was Big Mack's
assistant for two years.

Oh, great.
So, you worked with Jennifer?

I miss her.
She was one of a kind.

Was she good at her job?

Yeah. I mean, Big Mack wanted

to replace me with Jennifer
when I left.

Really, now?

-Wait a minute. Aah!
-Aah!

Ahh.

Big Mack?

Big Mack, I hate to bother you,

but I just had to meet
the legend.

No, no, no.
"Legend" makes me feel old.

Oh, well, I -- you know,

I consider myself
a self-made man,

so what you've got going on
here, this is inspiring.

Well, life
has no dress rehearsal, huh?

Copy that.
Can I ask you something?

Can't promise I'll answer.

Is it true
what they say about you?

Any woman, anywhere, anytime?

No, no.
Not any woman, not anytime.

But most, most of the time.

Yeah!
Oh, my God!

I mean, that is beyond the scope
of my imagination.

So -- so, like...

-Even her?
-Uh...

Yep. 1979.

-Look at you.
-Pretty sure, yeah.

-What about Jennifer?
-Who's that?

Jennifer. Jennifer Putnam.
The girl doing the cannonball.

Whoo!

Oh, oh.
You mean peppermint Patty?

Yeah, she had a big bowl of them
on her desk.

Oh, was she your assistant?

No, no, no.
But I wanted her to be.

What happened?

Oh, uh,
I'm a "big picture" guy.

I don't know
what the hell happened.

Katherine said
that she wasn't good, so...

Oh.

-Hey.
-Hey!

You ready to defend
our title in the 3-legged race?

You got it!
Come on. Let's go.

-Nice meeting you.
-You too.

Y-you just talked
to Big Mack.

Uh-huh. You will, too. We're
gonna put him on the stand.

And Big Mack doesn't know as
much about women as he thinks.

I don't know
anything about women.

That is true.

Ah, Mr. Toy.
I do apologize.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh, no problem.

Ah, please sit down.

Good.

Now, Mr. Toy, look.

I intend
to clear my firm's name.

And to tell you the truth,
I'm fascinated by the council.

And -- and, obviously,
I'm concerned for you.

-Obviously.
-Mm-hmm.

Uh, so, what did you want
to talk about?

The frozen rabbit in your pants.

It wasn't in my pants.
It was in my waistband.

I-I've got a python.

Ohh! Impressive!
Congratulations.

Uh, no, I --
it's a pet. It's a snake.

You know, we have more
in common than you may think.

I had one named Suzy.

Oh, she was aloof,
but I adored her...

Until she escaped.

Uh, but anyway,
that's another story, huh?

Uh, well, I-I feed my
python one thawed rabbit a week.

-Mm-hmm.
-Right?

And I was a day late.

Oh, and I know firsthand,

you can't defrost those
cottontails in the microwave

without the meat
getting stringy!

-Exactly.
-Right?

Right, so I was just jump-starting
the thawing process while I shopped.

I was gonna pay for it, I swear.

And the pet store
across the street,

you know, they're selling
frozen rabbit at half the price.

And we know, don't we, that
pythons will eat anything, Gene.

So I suspect there was
another draw to Han's market

that you're
not telling me about.

Okay. Mr. Mack --

You kissed your client
on the stand. Sit down, Mr. Bash.

Your honor, I think
there's only a slight chance

of him kissing Mr. Mack.

I'll do it.

Mr. Mack...

Is it true you wanted Jennifer
to be your assistant

after Evan resigned?

I made
an offhand remark about it.

What happened?

Ultimately,
I decided against it.

Why?

Because my daughter, Katherine,

said Jennifer wasn't competent.

How would you describe
your relationship with Jennifer?

Were you close?

Not really, but, uh --

But you got along well.

Sure, yeah. She's a good kid.

She's a 27-year-old woman.

Uh-oh.
Did I say something wrong?

I mean, I didn't call her "girl"
or -- or -- or "honey."

I said, "kid,"
like I call my daughter.

So she's like
a daughter to you?

Those are your words.

Actually, they're yours.

You compared her
to your daughter.

If you'd like, I can have
the court reporter read back.

No, no. It's fine.

So, by my account,
the only two women at Stirred

who you haven't had
sexual relations with

are Katherine Mack, your
daughter, and Jennifer Putnam.

-Is that true?
-Objection.

-Relevance, your honor.
-Some leeway.

Overruled.
You may continue.

Not the only ones.

There are a handful in payroll.

Of course there are.
No further questions.

Party planning is a lot
of pressure. Am I right?

I suppose.

Take your dad, for example.

Could you tell the court
some of his requirements

at Stirred events?

I don't know.

Uh, grass-fed Argentine beef
and sustainable caviar?

And the vaporizers.
What kind?

Musk-scented misters.

Right, right,
and he also likes trampolines

and 3-legged races?

Yes and yes.

At Saturday's fundraiser,
did your father ask you

to run the 3-legged race
with him?

I was in heels. I couldn't.

Over 35 years,
how many outdoor functions

would you say you've attended
with your father?

I don't know.

Ballpark?

Uh, we have
2 or 3 a year, so 75?

75?

And has he ever asked you
to run the 3-legged race,

even when you weren't in heels?

I always wear heels.

Who did he ask to run
the race with him on Saturday?

Her.

You mean the plaintiff,
Jennifer Putnam?

Yes.

No more questions, your honor.

Mm.

Oh, uh, s-sorry.
I-I think I have the wrong room.

Oh, Gene. Uh...

Uh, this isn't
a Jackie Chan movie.

Uh, gentlemen,
I'm humbled and grateful

for this audience in front
of the council of elders

on behalf of my good friend,
Gene Toy.

Council of elders?
We're a merchants' association.

Yes, quite.

I'd like to call a witness.

Witness?

No.
Mr. Infeld, council, please.

Tonia?

I'll just take
my punishment and leave.

I believe Tonia
has something to say.

Now, let her speak.

Are you sure?

Dad.
Gene may not be a doctor.

He may not speak
perfect Mandarin.

He might not have a deep voice
or a strong handshake.

He certainly might not
set the world on fire,

but, dad,
he sets world on fire.

And...

...I love him.

See, a left-handed compliment
from the woman of your dreams

is like a shiv
between the third and fourth rib

that just misses your heart.

Tonia, we'll talk
about this at home.

You can't tell me who
to date or who to marry, dad.

Marry?!

I don't want you thinking
about marriage

until after
you graduate college.

I have ambitions for you.

And I know that, dad.

Just because I love Gene doesn't
mean I'm gonna forget all that.

If I may.

Uh, Mr. Han, it seems
that we've locked horns

over a youthful fling.

Gene Toy came to your market,

even though your frozen rabbit
is, by the way,

not competitively priced.

He respected your edict
not to date Tonia.

He just wanted the opportunity
to see her,

to watch her skin a goat
or to hear her laugh.

Gentlemen, please allow Gene Toy

to continue to live his dream
here in Chinatown.

Not only did Big Mack

ignore his biological daughter,
Katherine,

but almost as hurtful,
he took a shine to Jennifer.

As we've proven, our client's
beauty was a liability.

She stole the spotlight
from Katherine,

and she became like
another daughter to Big Mack.

In the end,
ladies and gentlemen,

our client was, indeed, fired
for being too beautiful.

You can take shots
at me all you want,

but when you start attacking my
daughter, I have to intervene.

I raised her.

Sort of.

This is my fault.
I want it settled now.

Well, see, our client
doesn't want a settlement.

-She wants a jury verdict.
-I don't.

Jennifer, what do you want?

I want my job back.

You got it.

You'll be my assistant.
How about that?

And one more thing.

Yes?

I want the company's
plastic-surgery fund

to be sent to Operation Smile.

That way,
children with cleft palates

can find success and acceptance,
just like Joaquin Phoenix.

Done.

Hey, I'm a big fa--

-What'd I tell you?
-I know.

-Okay.
-End zone.

All right, you're all set.
You're online.

Yeah! Gene!

Thank you.

Thank you, huh? If you guys
hadn't screwed everything up,

I would've given up
and lost Tonia.

Ah, you're welcome.

Oh, and your boss should
really start his own religion.

He amazing.
You know, I'm just glad

you've been returned
to full Chinatown status.

Need a refill?

-Yes. Yeah.
-Fill her up?

Are you guys squatters,
or do you actually live here?

-Wow! Look who it is.
-Wow.

Now only do we live here,
we thrive here, brother.

What you got there?

I'm sorry
you have to give it up.

Well, it's not the guitar,
it's the guitarist.

And that guitar
is for that guitarist.

-Double or nothing?
-You're hysterical.

-That's adorable.
-Whew!

You look like a man
who could use a beverage.

Ever heard of beer Jenga?

-Is it an import?
-Oh, God.

Kiss it. Just kiss it.

You're a naughty
little minx, aren't you?

Cannonball! Whoo!

She knows
that's a hot tub, right?

Come on, guys, lets go! Let's
do this. Let's go. Let's go.

All right, am I gonna
have to carry you punks again?

-Are you ready?
-I get the sniper rifle.

Where's my grenade launcher?

Whoa!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==