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1
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♪♪
2
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:03,067
[LAUGHS]
3
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,640
Yes, yeah!
4
00:00:04,740 --> 00:00:05,804
Whoo!
5
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,472
Yeah!
6
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,341
Yes! Whoo!
7
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,944
Chug, Francine! Whoo!
8
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,682
- Whoo!
- [ALL CHEERING]
9
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,684
Whoa, what's the party for?
10
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,620
Stan's uncle died!
11
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:24,356
And left us a ton of cash, baby.
12
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,291
A toast to me.
13
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:27,492
I told you if we stayed in touch
14
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:28,893
with Uncle Mitch it would pay off.
15
00:00:28,895 --> 00:00:30,362
Is this why you always laughed
16
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,230
at his terrible racist jokes?
17
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,233
Yeah, it's one of the reasons.
18
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,237
I guess we should talk about
what to do with this 5 grand.
19
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:40,505
How about a trip?
20
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:41,840
[GASPS] Maybe to New York.
21
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,776
I've always wanted to try a calzone.
22
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:45,243
Calzone?
23
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:47,379
It's New York City, baby.
24
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,514
I'm getting a turkey sandwich.
25
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,449
A trip? What a waste of money.
26
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:52,517
Why don't we just pour the cash
27
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:53,852
down the drain with Uncle Mitch?
28
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,788
We need to invest this money.
29
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:57,722
I think we all just want a vacation.
30
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,924
We just went on that
trip to Fort Lauderdale.
31
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:02,594
Sure, it was fun at the time,
but look at us now.
32
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:03,862
We have nothing to show for it.
33
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,998
We have all the great family memories.
34
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,332
Memories are useless.
35
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:08,533
What can I do with memories?
36
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:09,802
Write a memoir?
37
00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:11,136
You think I'm the new Chelsea Handler?
38
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,405
Well, I'm not.
There's only one Chelsea Handler
39
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,739
and she's a goddess.
40
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,809
Dad, we all worship Chelsea Handler.
41
00:01:16,811 --> 00:01:18,076
Keep her name out of your mouth!
42
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,944
Let's have a family vote.
43
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:24,416
Who wants to use the money to
buy a vacation to New York?
44
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,984
Who's for investing the money?
45
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:32,090
Oh, yeah! Uncle Mitch is dead!
46
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,626
♪♪
47
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,673
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
48
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♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
49
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:44,169
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
50
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:48,574
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
51
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,712
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
52
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,314
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
53
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,416
Aah!
54
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,954
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
55
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:07,325
I thought we were booking
our New York trip.
56
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:08,727
Why are we at Costco?
57
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,196
Someone's not listening to my podcast.
58
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:13,398
Costco has a travel agency.
I devoted a whole...
59
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,466
[ALL GASP]
60
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,135
- [ANGELIC MUSIC PLAYS]
- _
61
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:21,073
We need those leather jackets
if we are going to New York.
62
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:24,076
Stan, we can't go to New
York without leather jackets.
63
00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:26,078
Lena Dunham will kick our asses.
64
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,346
We may have our differences,
but I'm not an idiot.
65
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:31,683
I know we need leather
jackets to go to New York.
66
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,618
Okay, you guys grab the jackets.
67
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,887
I'm gonna go and talk to a travel agent
68
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:36,655
and get us a sweet deal.
69
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,892
I want to book a trip to New York.
70
00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:41,694
All right,
when would you like to fly out?
71
00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:44,829
Fly? Who am I, the CEO of Amazon?
72
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,899
I want to say John or Josh something.
73
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:48,901
How much will you charge
me if I walk there?
74
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:50,168
Um, nothing.
75
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,169
That's a good start.
76
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,037
Excuse me, but I've been listening,
77
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:56,374
and I can tell you are someone
who knows the value of a dollar.
78
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,710
- I do!
- Come with me.
79
00:02:57,712 --> 00:02:59,778
I like this. Not enough strangers
80
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,846
physically escort you places.
81
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,449
[CAR ALARM BLARES, SIREN WAILS]
82
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,518
Today's your lucky day,
83
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,719
because I'm about to offer you
84
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,823
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
85
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:14,793
[RHYTHMIC STOMPING, CLAPPING]
86
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:24,269
[CLANGING]
87
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,605
[LIDS CLANG]
88
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,008
[RHYTHMIC STOMPING, BROOM SCRAPING]
89
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,480
I'm offering you the
North American rights
90
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:38,483
to the off-Broadway show "Stomp,"
91
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,884
all for the low price of...
92
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,553
I will pay whatever you want.
93
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:45,490
♪♪
94
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,892
Stan, where did you go?
95
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,162
Costco search and
rescue looked for hours
96
00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:52,564
and then declared you legally dead.
97
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,898
We just read your will.
98
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,768
I'm glad you're alive,
but for the record,
99
00:03:55,770 --> 00:03:58,236
my basketball is not yours to give away.
100
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,838
Well, you're gonna forget all about that
101
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,973
when you hear my news.
102
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:02,174
[RHYTHMIC STOMPING, LIDS CLANGING]
103
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:03,508
Ow!
104
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,576
What is he doing?
105
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,844
Mama, make him stop!
106
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,846
Stan, you're upsetting the children.
107
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,181
- Fine.
- [LIDS CLANG]
108
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:11,716
Does anyone in this
family like Broadway?
109
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,852
Really, Dad? We're going to Broadway?!
110
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,655
Nope, Broadway is coming to us.
111
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,123
What'd you say, Big Daddy?
112
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:21,460
I used the vacation money
to buy "Stomp."
113
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,128
Wait, is "Stomp" the one
where they're all painted blue?
114
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,530
No, that's "Jersey Boys."
115
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,800
"Stomp" was a huge
Broadway hit in the '90s
116
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:29,334
that put New York on the map.
117
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:31,403
It incorporates rhythms, acrobatics,
118
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,938
pantomime, and brooms! Here, watch this.
119
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:37,476
[ RHYTHMIC STOMPING, BROOM SCRAPING]
120
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,277
The [BLEEP] was that?
121
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,613
The family voted for a vacation.
122
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,882
This is so much better than a vacation.
123
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,283
We're gonna make buttloads of money
124
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,219
and then you can buy all
the memories you want.
125
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:50,923
You, sir,
have broken a buttload of hearts.
126
00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:53,492
Stan, I love this.
127
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,960
I've always wanted to be
part of a Broadway show.
128
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,562
Ooh, can I be your assistant?
129
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,164
Really? Yeah, sure.
130
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:02,234
My first order of business will
be to fetch you some sorbet
131
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:03,568
in the shape of a penis.
132
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:04,769
What? Why?
133
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:06,238
I'm trying to show initiative.
134
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,772
I thought you'd be happy.
135
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,842
Oh, please don't tell me
you're one of those bosses
136
00:05:09,844 --> 00:05:11,520
who can never be happy.
137
00:05:13,107 --> 00:05:14,773
_
138
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:21,253
Hideki, first thing...
love the picture and résumé.
139
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:24,722
You don't see a lot of nudes.
140
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,693
I'll just, uh, hang on to this.
141
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,930
Rockin' Ronnie here with Stan Smith,
142
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,665
the man who's given this whole town
143
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,068
a terrible case of "Stomp" fever.
144
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:37,669
Stan, people are going bonkers
145
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,070
waiting for your show to open.
146
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,538
Let's take some callers.
147
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,474
BUCKLE: I love "Stomp,"
148
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:45,811
and I was sadly out of town
for the audition process,
149
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:48,614
so I'd like to audition now.
150
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,682
Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!
151
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,817
Clap, clap!
152
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,685
Broom, broom, broom!
153
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,553
Trash can lids!
154
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,155
Brooooom!
155
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,825
Yeah, everyone's very excited.
156
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,093
What do you say we
give some tickets away
157
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,227
at the top of the hour?
158
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,430
Wish we could but the
show's all sold out.
159
00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,697
Why are you here promoting the show
160
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,232
if it's totally sold out?
161
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,768
Why don't you ever play
Toad the Wet Sprocket?
162
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:14,306
Because Toad slept with my wife, Stan.
163
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:17,643
Awkwaaard!
164
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,245
♪♪
165
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,380
It's cray-cray-donkulous.
166
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,116
Ever since you bought "Stomp,"
167
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:27,585
I've been getting the most
amazing treatment around town.
168
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,854
See these earrings?
169
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:32,057
Everyone at CVS saw me shoplift them,
170
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,059
but nobody said nothing.
171
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,995
My weed dealer let me
play with his tarantula.
172
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,997
Principal Lewis showed
up in my math class
173
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:41,066
and presented me with
an old bowling trophy.
174
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,334
It was pretty cool.
175
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,202
He was sweating pretty bad.
176
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:48,207
For Mr. "Stomp" and his family,
compliments of the chef.
177
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,009
Wow, Dad, I'm sorry.
178
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,145
Buying "Stomp" was a great idea.
179
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:55,280
Guys, you don't have to apologize.
180
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:59,485
A simple singing of the
"Wrong Song" is all I need.
181
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:02,154
♪ You were right, so, so right ♪
182
00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:04,356
♪ And we were oh, so wrong ♪
183
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,825
♪ You are smart and we are dumb ♪
184
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,561
♪ That's why we sing this song ♪
185
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:14,833
♪ We're idiooots ♪
186
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,235
- ♪♪
- _
187
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,037
[AUDIENCE MURMURING]
188
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,773
Man, if that house was any more packed,
189
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,974
it'd be my wife's suitcase
190
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,043
when we're just going
away for the weekend.
191
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,979
[GROANS]
192
00:07:28,216 --> 00:07:29,951
_
193
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,317
[AUDIENCE CHANTING "WE WANT 'STOMP'!"]
194
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:33,318
Opening night.
195
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,586
Feel the electricity.
196
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:35,653
How's my cast?
197
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:36,788
To tell you the truth,
198
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,256
we're a little nervous, Stan.
199
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,591
We haven't rehearsed at all.
200
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,593
In fact, we never even met the director.
201
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,995
Director?
What do you think this is, a movie?
202
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,663
You didn't hire a director?
203
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:48,200
All the direction you need is
right there in the title...
204
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:50,468
Stomp. Just go out there and do it.
205
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,938
Feet, broom, floor. Now, come on,
206
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,206
this audience paid 100 bucks a ticket.
207
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,607
Let's give them their money's worth.
208
00:07:55,609 --> 00:08:00,879
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
209
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,081
[BROOM HANDLE TAPS]
210
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:06,151
[BROOM BRUSHING]
211
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,019
[BROOM HANDLE TAPS, GARBAGE CAN SCRAPES]
212
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,888
What the frick is this?!
213
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,157
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
214
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,026
We got to get the hell out of here.
215
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,229
Well, bad news...
216
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:19,297
the angry mob destroyed my SUV.
217
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,234
But good news, they spared Jeff's van.
218
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:23,902
That "coexist" bumper sticker
219
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,304
has gotten me out of a lot of jams.
220
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,374
Religion is the great unifier.
221
00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:29,507
[MOB SHOUTING]
222
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,576
Oh, look at that,
223
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,311
our house is on fire.
224
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,981
♪♪
225
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,317
Three weeks on the road and we're broke.
226
00:08:38,319 --> 00:08:41,186
This Luna Bar is our last meal until...
227
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,454
we start eating the leather jackets.
228
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,990
- Never!
- Never!
229
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,125
Look, I'm sorry, guys,
230
00:08:46,127 --> 00:08:48,193
but this is what you wanted, right?
231
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,528
We're making memories.
232
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,663
Remember when that
coyote attacked Steve?
233
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,799
Or how about when the
coyote attacked Hayley?
234
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,401
- And who can forget...
- Yes, we all remember
235
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,804
that coyote you tried to domesticate.
236
00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:00,105
[SIREN WAILS]
237
00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:03,142
Nice leather jackets.
238
00:09:03,144 --> 00:09:04,209
Big fan.
239
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,545
License and registration.
240
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,680
Sir, this isn't your registration.
241
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:11,817
It's...
the North American rights to "Stomp"?
242
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,152
You should do a show here.
243
00:09:13,154 --> 00:09:15,154
Sorry,
but our theater days are behind us.
244
00:09:15,156 --> 00:09:16,287
He's kidding.
245
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,556
We're still doing "Stomp,"
246
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,825
and we're bringing it to your town.
247
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,026
Spread the word.
248
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,027
You got it!
249
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:25,497
Hey, I'll miss you guys.
250
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:26,765
Francine, what are you doing?
251
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,033
We don't have any performers.
252
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,434
We'll be the performers,
253
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,304
and this time, we'll do it right.
254
00:09:34,397 --> 00:09:35,574
You ripped us off!
255
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,510
- [LAUGHS EVILLY]
- What the hell?
256
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,712
I thought we were gonna do
"Stomp" for real this time.
257
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:43,582
We were going to,
but it just seemed like
258
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:44,583
a whole lot of work.
259
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,718
So while you were out selling tickets,
260
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,120
we were drinking 40s and
getting super into tetherball.
261
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,922
I started out the worst, Stan,
262
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,391
but now I'm second best.
263
00:09:52,393 --> 00:09:55,594
We realized we could just
say we were putting on a show
264
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,596
and then drive away with
all the ticket money.
265
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,799
So now we go from town
to town doing this.
266
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,267
Ripping people off?
267
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,535
Won't that make us bad people?
268
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:06,205
No, we're tricking them,
and in my experience,
269
00:10:06,207 --> 00:10:07,672
people love being tricked.
270
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,808
Hey, Jeff, what's that over there?
271
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:13,144
- [GRUNTS]
- [LAUGHTER]
272
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,014
- See?
- Well, I'm sold.
273
00:10:15,016 --> 00:10:17,549
And I'm a famously tough sell.
274
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:24,489
♪♪
275
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,025
And the dancers are always going...
276
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,693
[RHYTHMIC STOMPING, CLAPPING]
277
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:30,295
What else do they do?
278
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,630
[CHUCKLING] Oh, you're gonna have
279
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:35,500
to buy a ticket to find out.
280
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:36,701
Surprise!
281
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:37,836
It's me, Hayley!
282
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,438
Who the hell is Hayley?
283
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,440
The gal with the "Stomp" tickets.
284
00:10:41,442 --> 00:10:43,708
[ALL CHEERING]
285
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:47,112
♪♪
286
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:48,780
Ah, that's a gimme.
287
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:51,182
Why don't you celebrate
your hole in one with a little...
288
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,452
[TAPPING GOLF BALLS RHYTHMICALLY]
289
00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:56,855
Wait, I know what this
stranger's talking about.
290
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:59,458
- It's "Stomp"!
- [TAPPING GOLF CLUBS RHYTHMICALLY]
291
00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:01,793
Young man,
those are expensive golf clubs.
292
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,863
You can't bang 'em around
like some "Problem Child 2."
293
00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:08,066
Or can you?
294
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:11,270
♪♪
295
00:11:11,272 --> 00:11:12,737
Here's 50 bucks.
296
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:15,674
And you just bought yourself
a ticket to "Stomp."
297
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,075
But I was only paying for the blow...
298
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,477
That was free!
299
00:11:18,479 --> 00:11:21,613
[MOB SHOUTING]
300
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:23,949
Hot damn,
it feels good to rip people off!
301
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:27,286
Oh, man, look at those
small-town morons chasing us.
302
00:11:27,288 --> 00:11:28,487
Stan, slow down a little.
303
00:11:28,489 --> 00:11:30,289
Steve, why don't you
serve our friends up
304
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:32,458
a little pressed ham.
305
00:11:34,295 --> 00:11:36,161
[MOB SHOUTING]
306
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:39,030
Oh, yeah, they're hungry for it, Steve.
307
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,167
[ENGINE STALLS]
308
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:45,437
Roger, I told you to go
to the gas station today.
309
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,906
I did, but there were
some college kids there
310
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,240
and I wanted to impress them
311
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,441
and I couldn't think of anything cool,
312
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,843
so I deepthroated the nozzle
313
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,578
and guzzled $80 of gas.
314
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,382
- You idiot!
- Relax. Just punch it when I say.
315
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,721
Guys, th-this ham's getting overcooked.
316
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,656
You can pull up your pants at any time.
317
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,125
- Go, go!
- [ENGINE STARTS]
318
00:12:06,127 --> 00:12:07,726
Ahh.
319
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,795
[TIRES SQUEAL]
320
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:10,796
[MOB SHOUTING]
321
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:11,930
Look at me.
322
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:14,533
I got my son's ass against my window,
323
00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:16,535
my alien's dick in my gas tank,
324
00:12:16,537 --> 00:12:18,870
and nothing but the open
road in front of me.
325
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,940
And here comes God
with the cherry on top.
326
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,142
Let's celebrate.
327
00:12:23,144 --> 00:12:24,609
[ALL CHEERING]
328
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:25,744
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
329
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:26,678
[GUNSHOTS]
330
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,147
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
331
00:12:28,149 --> 00:12:31,483
[LAUGHS]
332
00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:35,154
[GRUNTS IN SLOW-MOTION]
333
00:12:35,156 --> 00:12:36,287
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
334
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:40,091
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
335
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,226
♪ Ba du bop, ba du ♪
336
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,562
[FAMILY SCREAMING]
337
00:12:43,564 --> 00:12:46,031
Did someone order a ham slider?
338
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:47,166
[GLASS SQUEAKS]
339
00:12:47,168 --> 00:12:48,167
HAYLEY: Yeah, yeah!
340
00:12:48,169 --> 00:12:50,803
FRANCINE: Being mean is fun!
341
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:58,043
Another day,
another town full of suckers.
342
00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,244
Patron of the arts.
343
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:01,246
More like morons of the farts.
344
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:03,182
What a way with words.
345
00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:05,450
Give me some of that silver tongue.
346
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,786
Yeah! French him, Mom.
347
00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,654
[LAUGHTER]
348
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,656
Look who's skipping out again.
349
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:12,791
Sorry, we don't remember you.
350
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:15,326
We've swindled a lot of people.
351
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,196
Funny. Let's see how funny you are
352
00:13:17,198 --> 00:13:18,697
with my gun in your mouth.
353
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,470
[LAUGHTER]
354
00:13:27,408 --> 00:13:29,674
Okay, that was funny.
355
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,210
But that doesn't change the fact
356
00:13:31,212 --> 00:13:33,212
that you guys are in deep trouble.
357
00:13:33,214 --> 00:13:34,946
If you want your money back, sorry,
358
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,815
we spent all of it to have Young MC play
359
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,217
at Klaus' birthday party.
360
00:13:38,219 --> 00:13:39,484
It was freezing out.
361
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,019
For some reason, he wore shorts.
362
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,554
He said he wasn't cold,
but he had goose bumps
363
00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:44,022
all over his legs.
364
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,090
That's all I can remember.
365
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:47,492
Well, if we can't get our money,
366
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,561
we're getting that show.
367
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,931
And it better be good,
or else you're dead.
368
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:56,968
[MAN COUGHS]
369
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,837
Do it!
370
00:14:00,241 --> 00:14:02,574
[BROOM HANDLE TAPS]
371
00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:04,910
[BROOM SCRAPES]
372
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:06,511
[CLANGS]
373
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,779
[BROOM HANDLE TAPS]
374
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:09,114
[BANGS]
375
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:12,117
[DRUM BANGING,
LIDS CLANGING RHYTHMICALLY]
376
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,520
[BROOMS SCRAPING RHYTHMICALLY]
377
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,193
Are we good at this?
378
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,462
How is it possible?
379
00:14:23,464 --> 00:14:24,930
I guess during the past year
380
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,531
when we were pitching the show,
381
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,199
we must've learned how to stomp.
382
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,868
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
383
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:33,672
[BANGING, SCRAPING, CLAPPING MUSICALLY]
384
00:14:33,674 --> 00:14:36,608
[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]
385
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:39,945
[BROOMS THUMPING]
386
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,781
[TRASH CAN BANGING]
387
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,353
PRODUCER: Stop the play!
388
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,689
I'm from New York City.
389
00:14:50,691 --> 00:14:52,291
He's wearing a scarf!
390
00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:53,558
Let him speak!
391
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,226
I'm a producer...
392
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,495
a very important person
393
00:14:56,497 --> 00:14:58,229
to a very small segment of people.
394
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,766
You simply must come with me
and do this show on Broadway.
395
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,034
Did you hear that, family?
396
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,970
We finally get to go to New York City.
397
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:09,508
Mm! I can almost taste
that Times Square turkey.
398
00:15:09,510 --> 00:15:12,377
And we got what we wanted...
half a show.
399
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,512
Good luck in New York!
400
00:15:13,514 --> 00:15:15,246
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
401
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,915
Wait.
402
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,050
There's one thing that stands
403
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,586
between you and New York City.
404
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,655
Do you have a leather jacket?
405
00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:25,524
We have 10.
406
00:15:25,526 --> 00:15:28,827
[WILD CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
407
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:32,531
[RHYTHMIC BANGING]
408
00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:33,932
ALL: Stomp!
409
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,000
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- WOMAN: Mazel tov!
410
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,468
MAN: Let's go Mets and Yankees!
411
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:38,603
MAN #2: Our clam chowder is red!
412
00:15:39,244 --> 00:15:41,873
Francine, Hayley, Steve?
413
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:44,743
Anyone up for a little
tai chi in Central P?
414
00:15:44,745 --> 00:15:46,878
They all left right after the show.
415
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:47,879
Again?
416
00:15:47,881 --> 00:15:50,015
Do you want to hit up C Park with me?
417
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,282
I can't.
418
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,551
I'm a ghost.
419
00:15:52,553 --> 00:15:55,687
I died in this very theater in 1927.
420
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:59,224
Only a kiss will free me
from haunting this realm.
421
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,393
Please, sir, a kiss?
422
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:04,563
[LAUGHS] You stupid idiot.
423
00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:08,133
I'm not a ghost, I'm a perverted boy.
424
00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:14,706
Morning, Steve. I made a big
family breakfast like old times.
425
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,375
Wait, wait, wait. I got a joke here.
426
00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:17,976
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
427
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,912
Not me. I have brunch plans with Diane.
428
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,313
Diane?
429
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,382
Steve's girlfriend.
430
00:16:23,384 --> 00:16:24,649
It's pretty serious.
431
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,986
She's 50, but she looks 57.
432
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,454
Sorry, we have to run.
433
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,323
Oh, we were supposed to be
at the gallery ages ago.
434
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,792
Gallery?
435
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:36,327
Jeff is one of New York's
premier underground artists.
436
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,464
See ya. On Tuesdays,
I play melancholy violin music
437
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,400
on a subway platform.
438
00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:43,802
Francine, what has happened to us?
439
00:16:43,804 --> 00:16:46,071
This family used to be so close.
440
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,606
Now the only time we spend together
441
00:16:47,608 --> 00:16:49,340
is on stage when we're performing.
442
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,878
I hear ya, but can we talk
about it during "Stomp" tonight?
443
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,546
I don't want to be late for my first day
444
00:16:54,548 --> 00:16:56,081
writing on "Law & Order."
445
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:58,083
- What are you doing today?
- Oh, I'm busy, Stan.
446
00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:00,285
I've got a big day of
staring out this window
447
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,421
and reporting our neighbors to the FBI.
448
00:17:02,423 --> 00:17:03,755
You don't have to be right.
449
00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:05,356
You just have to have a phone.
450
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,292
They're all happy.
451
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:10,029
Maybe I'm not giving this town a chance.
452
00:17:10,031 --> 00:17:12,697
[MELANCHOLY VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS]
453
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:22,507
♪♪
454
00:17:23,615 --> 00:17:26,711
So, Balanchine's "Agon"
is going at the Koch Theater.
455
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,780
Balanchine's "Agon"?
456
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:32,117
We might as well see Hall
& Oates at the ESPN Zone.
457
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:36,321
Shall we have dessert at the M&M store?
458
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:39,190
Is it one of those Sundays again, Diane?
459
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,125
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
460
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,993
Oop, your fibromyalgia medication
461
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:43,562
is ready for pick up.
462
00:17:48,669 --> 00:17:50,135
[SCREAMS]
463
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,470
Bird!
464
00:17:51,472 --> 00:17:52,972
It's in my hair!
465
00:17:53,074 --> 00:17:54,673
It's in my hair!
466
00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:56,942
[VIOLIN CONTINUES]
467
00:17:56,944 --> 00:18:01,680
♪♪
468
00:18:01,682 --> 00:18:03,148
It's a beautiful painting.
469
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:06,285
Thanks,
but I was trying to write a book.
470
00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:09,621
I'll never be a novelist!
471
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:11,556
[CRYING]
472
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,292
[VIOLIN CONTINUES]
473
00:18:13,294 --> 00:18:17,629
♪♪
474
00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:20,899
Mr. Wolf, I have an idea for an episode.
475
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,034
What if a waiter gets murdered,
476
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:26,638
and we find out that the
murderer who murdered him
477
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,240
isn't who we thought he was?
478
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:32,377
We've already done that.
479
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:33,979
[VIOLIN CONTINUES]
480
00:18:33,981 --> 00:18:40,251
♪♪
481
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:46,591
♪♪
482
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:49,128
[THUNKING]
483
00:18:49,130 --> 00:18:52,064
Tough city,
but I couldn't live anywhere else.
484
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:57,736
Everyone's miserable and
they don't even know it.
485
00:18:57,738 --> 00:19:02,607
♪♪
486
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:05,010
- Stan Smith?
- Yes.
487
00:19:05,012 --> 00:19:07,012
I've been looking everywhere for you.
488
00:19:07,014 --> 00:19:09,614
I'm Eric Jeremyson III,
president of Broadway.
489
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,016
Hi.
490
00:19:11,018 --> 00:19:12,751
Buying the North American rights
to "Stomp"
491
00:19:12,753 --> 00:19:14,285
was a smart investment.
492
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,355
You must be a very happy man.
493
00:19:16,357 --> 00:19:17,823
Well, obviously you are.
494
00:19:17,825 --> 00:19:19,891
You're sitting here
alone on this park bench,
495
00:19:19,893 --> 00:19:21,893
reflecting on your happiness no doubt.
496
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:24,830
- Get to it.
- I'd like to offer you and your family
497
00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:27,232
a lifetime contract to perform "Stomp."
498
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:30,101
Imagine, you'll be in New York for life!
499
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:32,437
But I need your answer tonight.
500
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:36,308
- Why?
- For drama!
501
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,047
Hey, where are the brooms?
502
00:19:42,049 --> 00:19:44,850
Huh, are they not where they always are?
503
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:46,718
There's just rakes.
504
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,187
No brooms?!
505
00:19:48,189 --> 00:19:51,056
What the hell are we
supposed to do with rakes?!
506
00:19:51,058 --> 00:19:53,992
Calm down. We're the ones
that make the show amazing.
507
00:19:53,994 --> 00:19:55,594
The props don't matter.
508
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:57,596
[MOB SHOUTING]
509
00:19:58,225 --> 00:19:59,598
The props definitely matter!
510
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,466
The brooms were the real stars!
511
00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:03,268
I've got to tell you
something before you read it
512
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,936
in The Village Voice tomorrow.
513
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,671
I switched out the brooms.
514
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,607
Why would you do such a thing?
515
00:20:08,609 --> 00:20:09,941
I know we didn't vote on it,
516
00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:11,877
but our family's
happiness is too important
517
00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:13,278
to leave to democracy.
518
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,679
We're miserable here.
519
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,615
Maybe, but being miserable
520
00:20:16,617 --> 00:20:18,149
and pretending to love living here
521
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:20,285
is just what New Yorkers do.
522
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,420
That's what I was doing.
523
00:20:21,422 --> 00:20:23,688
Being together with you this past year,
524
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:24,890
I've never felt so alone.
525
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:26,425
Me, too, babe.
526
00:20:26,427 --> 00:20:28,960
Plus, these buildings are too tall.
527
00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:31,696
And let's admit it,
Domino's has better pizza.
528
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,164
The last time I was happy
529
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:36,367
was when we were making
memories together as a family.
530
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,903
I want to go back to that place.
531
00:20:37,905 --> 00:20:39,971
I want to go home, too, Dad.
532
00:20:39,973 --> 00:20:41,306
Wrong again, numbnuts.
533
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:44,109
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
534
00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:46,912
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
535
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,247
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
536
00:20:48,249 --> 00:20:50,515
♪ Ba du, ohh ♪
537
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:52,851
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
538
00:20:52,853 --> 00:20:55,053
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
539
00:20:55,055 --> 00:20:56,922
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
540
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,590
♪ Ba du ♪
541
00:20:58,592 --> 00:21:00,426
Bye! Have a great time!
542
00:21:02,199 --> 00:21:04,255
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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