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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:04,271 ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:05,571 [ Thunder crashes ] 3 00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:07,607 [ Theme music plays ] 4 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:11,277 ♪♪ 5 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,880 [ Whirring ] 6 00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:16,950 [ Whirring ] 7 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,152 Man: It's alive! [ Thunder rumbles ] 8 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:26,219 ♪♪ 9 00:00:26,592 --> 00:00:28,795 [ Thunder crashes ] 10 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:35,862 ♪♪ 11 00:00:38,036 --> 00:00:39,371 Announcer: From the studio that brought you 12 00:00:39,438 --> 00:00:42,041 "Paranormal Activity" and "Sinister"... 13 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,310 -Did you hear that? -It's coming from the attic. 14 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,580 ...learn what happens... 15 00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:47,713 Aah! 16 00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:51,251 ...when a studio heavily invests in the wrong IP. 17 00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:52,218 Run! 18 00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:53,553 [ Panting ] 19 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,821 [ Laughs ] 20 00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:55,688 It's a Weeble! 21 00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:58,058 It glows in the dark! 22 00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,692 How is it doing that? 23 00:00:59,759 --> 00:01:02,595 Announcer: A property so far outside our target demographic, 24 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,997 we were insane to make this movie. 25 00:01:05,064 --> 00:01:08,234 Why won't you fall down? 26 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:09,836 They never fall down! 27 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,237 Never! 28 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:14,073 [ Laughter ] 29 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,008 Flag down the car! Help! 30 00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:19,145 [ Laughing, screaming ] 31 00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:24,150 [ Groans ] 32 00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:28,121 [ Munching ] 33 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:28,988 [ Gulps ] 34 00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:34,194 [ Sniffing ] 35 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,661 Ruh-roh! 36 00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:38,865 Oh, Shaggy, what did you put a Scooby Snack in my bra? 37 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,567 Like, what? No! 38 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,134 Oh, I think it's a lump. 39 00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:45,371 Like, dude, you should get that checked out, like, A.S.A.P. 40 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,275 I'm sure it's fine. My boobs are just lumpy. 41 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:53,612 Scalpel. She was lucky. 42 00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:55,416 Caught the tumor just in time. 43 00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,485 And I would've gotten away with it, too, 44 00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:02,323 if it weren't for those meddling kids. 45 00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:04,757 Our baby is hideous! 46 00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:07,860 What have we done? Why, God?! Why! 47 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,830 It's an abomination. 48 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:10,863 [ Sobs ] 49 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:11,897 [ Doorbell rings ] 50 00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:13,933 I'll get it, honey. Hello. 51 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,768 I have come to drink your blood! 52 00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:16,703 [ Screams ] Ha-ha! 53 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:17,837 It's going to be okay, honey. 54 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,172 He can't come in unless we invite him in. 55 00:02:20,239 --> 00:02:22,242 Isn't that so, you bastard? 56 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,044 Yep. 57 00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,812 Aah! Ha! Ha-ha-ha! 58 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,381 Come here now. 59 00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:30,784 Wow, well-played. 60 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:31,886 Good job. 61 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,622 Hey! [ Grunts ] 62 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,056 Aah! 63 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:39,559 ♪♪ 64 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:40,894 [ Elephant trumpets ] 65 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,295 Whenever I travel on the ark 66 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:44,230 to avoid the destruction of the world, 67 00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:46,332 I go first class. [ Chuckles ] 68 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,668 Captain Noah, iceberg right ahead! 69 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:49,669 So? 70 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,371 The ark was designed by God himself. 71 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,040 It's unsinkable. 72 00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,376 I can't believe a fancy show horse 73 00:02:57,443 --> 00:03:01,213 like you would ever fall for a stow-away donkey like me. 74 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,982 My father would never approve, Jack. 75 00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,117 But, you know, glub-glub drowny-drowny. 76 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:07,487 Come on, mount me with that donkey D. 77 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,856 Aah! 78 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,324 [ Elephant trumpets ] 79 00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:13,393 Oh, no! 80 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,228 Aaah! 81 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,263 [ Quartet plays ] 82 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:18,664 God's Rolls-Royce. 83 00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:22,001 Let this be my eternal tomb as I go down with the ship. 84 00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:24,204 This ship, which God designed. 85 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,872 Screw you, God! 86 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,707 [ Gurgles ] 87 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,075 [ Elephant trumpets ] 88 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,710 [ Splash ] 89 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,045 [ Monkey chittering ] 90 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,247 Oh, I can see my house from here. 91 00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:35,581 Focus, Rose. 92 00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,651 We need to stay alive until the rescue arks arrive. 93 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,020 And if they -- 94 00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:46,726 [ Gasping, panting ] 95 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,128 We're all gonna die! [ Squeaks ] 96 00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:50,864 Hang on, Jack. I love you. 97 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,165 And I you, Rose. 98 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,766 I want to start a family with you. 99 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:56,636 A beautiful family of hybrid donkey-horses. 100 00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,338 Those are called mules. 101 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,438 Mules?! 102 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:01,808 I'm not shooting a mule out of my ass. 103 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,177 They come out of your vagina. 104 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,613 My vagina?! Rose! 105 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,613 Ohh-- No, don't! 106 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,015 Oh, no. Jack, you're sinking... 107 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,416 Ah, it's cold! 108 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:17,483 ♪♪ 109 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,960 Announcer: Representing the United States, from OCP, 110 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,493 it's RoboCop. 111 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,930 And from China, it's the People's Republic's 112 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,265 awesome, definitely not stolen, tech corporation 113 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,401 with the RoboCarp. 114 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:29,936 Halt! You are under arrest 115 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,671 for copyright infringement. 116 00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:34,542 No, you are arrest, white devil. 117 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:38,646 Oh, shit. 118 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,515 Follow the yellow brick road. 119 00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:43,883 Follow the yellow brick road? 120 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,285 That's right! Tourists come all over 121 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,954 the world to walk its golden trail. 122 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,823 Old Shelly O'Malley helped build it. 123 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:50,890 Shelly? 124 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:54,694 Oh. I'm on a schedule and don't care. So... 125 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:58,063 ♪ It represents the blood of our kin ♪ 126 00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:01,100 ♪ The blood of our kin, the blood of our kin ♪ 127 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,736 ♪ They ignored the OSHA rules ♪ 128 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,305 ♪ The local codes of safety guides ♪ 129 00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:09,108 ♪ Generations gone, worked to death, children died ♪ 130 00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:12,045 ♪ I lost my hands ♪ 131 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,279 [ Laughs ] 132 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,181 We've got much more information in our gift shop, 133 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,383 if you'll just -- Oh, she's gone. 134 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,051 ♪ La-la-la la-la ♪ 135 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,351 Garbage! 136 00:05:19,418 --> 00:05:21,654 Wow, Liv. A real Hollywood party. 137 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,256 Oh, Maddie, you sweet Wisconsin rube. 138 00:05:24,323 --> 00:05:26,559 You deserve a taste of your sister's glamorous life 139 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:27,660 once in a while. 140 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:30,063 Liv Rooney, shining as bright as ever. 141 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,331 And with a twin? I'm 17. 142 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,167 All right, and your twin is... 143 00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:35,935 Also 17, idiot. 144 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,004 Oh, look! An open bar. 145 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,671 Just a warning, Maddie -- out here, 146 00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:42,542 teenage actresses are passed around like party favors. 147 00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:45,678 Wow! Trevor Trembo from that super hero movie! 148 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:48,648 You ladies looked parched, so I gathered these libations. 149 00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:49,582 We're underage. 150 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,217 Age is just a number. 151 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,019 So is 9-1-1. 152 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:54,120 [ Slurping ] 153 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,287 Exit stage left... 154 00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:57,723 Wow, I feel like we have targets on our backs. 155 00:05:57,790 --> 00:05:59,325 Hi. Is one of you Liv Rooney? 156 00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:01,994 Duh! I'm the one without glasses? 157 00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,731 Yeah, I don't know your whole life story, but cool, great. 158 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,331 Anyway, that kid from "Stranger Things" 159 00:06:06,398 --> 00:06:08,434 who looks like a soft-boiled egg wanted me to ask 160 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,936 if you and your sister will make out with him 161 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:10,803 in his UberBLACK. 162 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:11,971 I got this one. 163 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,207 You can tell that creep -- We'll do it. 164 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,775 Okay. Enjoy your decision. 165 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,676 Liv, I thought you didn't do that. 166 00:06:17,743 --> 00:06:19,612 Maddie, if I could get on "Stranger Things", 167 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,113 it could make my whole career. 168 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,683 Come on, take on for Team Rooney! 169 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,951 Hello? 170 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,152 Soft-boiled egg? 171 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,387 Sorry, girls, you snooze you lose. 172 00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:31,490 I can't believe I'm a producer on "Stranger Things" now! 173 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,226 And I have a featured role! 174 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,628 [ Engine starts, tires squeal ] 175 00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,631 Damn you, egg boy from "Stranger Things"! 176 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:41,034 Can we go back to Wisconsin now? 177 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,836 How would you like a nice Hawaiian punch? 178 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,872 Oh, yeah! 179 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,541 Oh! Ohh, yeah. 180 00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:50,143 Oh, yeah! 181 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,811 Oh, yeah! 182 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:55,181 Oh, yeah! 183 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,483 Together: Slender Man, Slender Man, suit and tie. 184 00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:01,388 Slender Man, Slender Man, you will die. 185 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,755 Nothing? 186 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:03,889 [ Grunting ] Shh. Listen. 187 00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:05,525 I think he's coming. 188 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:06,693 [ Screaming ] 189 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,228 Sorry I'm late. Far. 190 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:10,797 You were far. Uh... 191 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,298 Slender Man? Oh, my God. 192 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,633 We -- Just give me a sec. 193 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,201 Give me a sec. Whoa! 194 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,869 Okay. 195 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,638 Hey, you girls like Five Guys? 196 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:20,440 'Cause I am addicted. 197 00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:23,109 [ Laughs ] 198 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,577 Whew! All right, I'm okay. 199 00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:27,146 Seriously, the fries are amazing. 200 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,115 Five Guys. Man, I'm tellin' you... 201 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,183 Sorry, sorry. Go on. 202 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,985 Mary-Sue Elizabeth of Brighton Drive 203 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,686 has earned our wrath. 204 00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,021 We summon thee! 205 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,356 Why are you fat? 206 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,424 Anna! Yeah, I deserve that. 207 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,426 Look, the first time I was spotted 208 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:42,461 I was on a cleanse. Nice and slim. 209 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,864 So the girl called me Slender Man. 210 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,733 I have to live up to the name. 211 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,867 And you know the pressure 212 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,602 of keeping your weight down all the time. 213 00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:51,571 Well, you will, girls. 214 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,372 Believe me, you will. 215 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,041 Slender Man, Slender Man, all the children run. 216 00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:57,610 Slender Man -- Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 217 00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,011 Call me Stuart. Right? 218 00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:00,980 I feel like you're fat-shaming me now. 219 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,382 Stuart, Stuart, to him it's fun. 220 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,951 You shouldn't worry about what other people think of you. 221 00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:07,186 You kids are all right. 222 00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:08,354 Here. Take this. 223 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,555 Show it at Five Guys, 224 00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:11,390 and you'll get $3 off your order. 225 00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,159 But don't forget to make sure they see 226 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,994 the referral number so I get $3 off, too. 227 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,696 Stuart, come on. Focus. 228 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:19,432 This is a picture of Mary, and here is a lock of her hair. 229 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,733 You have to go kill her now. 230 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,001 She called me fat. 231 00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,670 You know, I feel like there's a subtext here, 232 00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:26,205 and it's making me uncomfortable. 233 00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,608 Okay, we have to go home, Stuart. 234 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,243 If our moms wake up and we're not there... 235 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,679 Yeah, yeah. I got it. Fine. 236 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,647 Mary on Brighton. Ugh! 237 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,448 Do your job! 238 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,184 Ugh, these fries are really good. 239 00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:42,288 Yeah, you see? You get it, Mary. 240 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,157 [ Chuckles ] I could eat Five Guys every day. 241 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:48,828 Looks like you did eat five guys, fatty. 242 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,864 Mm. 243 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,266 Yeah, that kind of hurts, Mary. 244 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,901 Announcer: Welcome back to the fifth-annual brodeo, 245 00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:58,337 A.K.A. the brony rodeo. 246 00:08:58,404 --> 00:08:59,938 And out of the chute comes Zeb Deacons, 247 00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:02,774 riding last year's reigning brodeo champ, Glitter Snap. 248 00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:04,977 When not bronying, Glitter Snap is a corporate attorney 249 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,478 for a yoga lifestyles brand 250 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,748 and also enjoys go-karting in his spare time. 251 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,350 -Aah! Aah! -Oh, that does not 252 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:11,885 look good, folks. 253 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:14,655 Oh, fuck. Ah! 254 00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:19,625 And Glitter Snap's wife Helen makes the difficult decision... 255 00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,562 No! No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! 256 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,099 This isn't Walmart. Where am I? 257 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,599 Happy Family Midge! 258 00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:29,669 Welcome to the Island of Recalled Toys. 259 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:30,969 Recalled toys? 260 00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:33,639 But I teach kids about the beauty of pregnancy. 261 00:09:33,705 --> 00:09:35,775 Well, many of us are pulled off the shelves 262 00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:38,045 unfairly -- like me! 263 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,316 Anyway, you'll have plenty of company here. 264 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:48,554 There's very little demand for a lawn dart that kills children. 265 00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:51,758 Or a sky dancer that pokes out eyeballs. 266 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,661 Or an Elmo with Tourette's! Cunt! 267 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,162 But we're all accepted here. 268 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,564 You're home. Right, everybody? 269 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,600 ♪ An Easy Bake Oven that's hotter than hell ♪ 270 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,771 ♪ A Tarzan who jacks it while trying to yell ♪ 271 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,473 ♪ On Christmas day, you'll see ♪ 272 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:10,976 ♪ They won't let us near anyone's tree ♪ 273 00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:14,213 ♪ The Cabbage Patch dolly who'll scalp your head bald ♪ 274 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:18,116 ♪ A Viper that chokes kids ain't long for the mall ♪ 275 00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:23,222 ♪ It's hard to see how we ever passed toy R&D ♪ 276 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:29,728 ♪ Now we're here on the island of toy travesties ♪ 277 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:33,099 Wow, I guess I can really be myself with you guys. 278 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,935 Whoo! Ah, just the miracle of -- 279 00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:37,437 [ Retches ] 280 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,306 [ Screaming ] 281 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:43,843 [ Crying ] 282 00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:44,877 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 283 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,211 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 284 00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,214 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 285 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,382 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 286 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:50,716 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 287 00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,551 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 288 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:53,552 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 289 00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:54,887 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 290 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,890 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 291 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,093 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 19888

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