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1
00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:04,337
♪♪
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:05,638
[ Thunder crashes ]
3
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:07,673
[ Theme music plays ]
4
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:11,344
♪♪
5
00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:13,947
[ Whirring ]
6
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:17,016
[ Whirring ]
7
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:19,218
Man: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]
8
00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:26,285
♪♪
9
00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:28,861
[ Thunder crashes ]
10
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:38,038
♪♪
11
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,306
♪ Motherfuckers ♪
12
00:00:40,372 --> 00:00:41,607
♪ It's my wedding day ♪
13
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,375
Narrator:
Freddy Krueger had a dream.
14
00:00:43,442 --> 00:00:45,511
I want my father to walk me
down the aisle.
15
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:48,614
♪ My mom was raped
by all the psychos ♪
16
00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:51,451
Narrator: But this wedding has
a few surprises.
17
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:52,551
Dude, sunscreen!
18
00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,554
Burned alive,
but thanks!
19
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:55,755
Your father?
20
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:58,123
Aren't you the Bastard Son
of 100 Maniacs?
21
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,059
Well, I'm the son
of one maniac.
22
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,995
The other 99
lost the race.
23
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:04,064
So invite them all.
24
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,965
I will!
25
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:07,499
-Have we met before?
-That depends.
26
00:01:07,566 --> 00:01:10,269
Did you gangbang a nun at
an insane asylum in the '50s?
27
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:11,771
Catholic
or flying?
28
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,306
Terrified.
29
00:01:13,372 --> 00:01:15,808
♪ Boiler dreams, murder kids ♪
30
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:18,744
♪ Stabbing the life
out of them ♪
31
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,880
Geez, Mom,
you really got around.
32
00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:24,484
Sure, slut-shame
the violated nun.
33
00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:27,887
♪ Almost married, RSVP ♪
34
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:29,722
♪ Registered at Macy's ♪
35
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,825
Announcer:
This summer, get ready...
36
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:32,759
Freddy...
37
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:33,893
-I'm your...
-Dad.
38
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,194
Murder, bludgeon, kill!
39
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:38,030
Announcer: ...for the wedding
of a lifetime.
40
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:39,899
♪ Hundred psycho Johns ♪
41
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,734
♪ How could this go wrong? ♪
42
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,569
♪ Please, it's just Freddy's ♪
43
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:46,339
♪ Messed-up back story ♪
44
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:50,443
Possible dads,
you're ruining my big day!
45
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:53,713
Narrator: "Murder Mia!"
46
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:54,914
Stay frosty.
47
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:57,918
One of those things
de-spined my entire platoon.
48
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,921
Whoa!
49
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,088
Ow! Ow.
50
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:03,424
There he is!
51
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:05,892
Hey.
52
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,427
[ Wheezes ]
53
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:09,162
[ Coughs ]
54
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,799
Hold on.
[ Inhales sharply ]
55
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,170
[ Coughs ]
56
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:19,572
And he's a preda-dork!
57
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,073
Did you just
come up with that?
58
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,877
You should
do improv, soldier!
59
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:27,814
♪♪
60
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,782
Please.
61
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,518
[ Baby giggles ]
Thank you.
62
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,252
Now I can climb out.
63
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,821
Wait.
64
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,958
[ Gurgling ]
65
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,564
Free baby, yeah.
66
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:47,901
Are you ready for
the summer soldier, bitches?
67
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,469
Mom, Dad, like, hello.
I'm getting the operation.
68
00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:52,672
Absolutely not.
I didn't kill
69
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:56,909
little red plastic commie men
in Korea so you could
70
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:58,177
mutilate yourself.
71
00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,311
I hate you both.
72
00:02:59,378 --> 00:03:00,813
Don't you know
how embarrassing it is to be,
73
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,515
like, the only girl
with a slab?
74
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:03,549
Trust the slab!
75
00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:05,284
The slab keeps your feet
on the ground.
76
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,454
The slab
means stability!
77
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,155
Fuck the slab!
78
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,556
She didn't
mean that, dear.
79
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,391
Yes, she did.
80
00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:14,961
My baby hates me.
81
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:20,867
♪♪
82
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,501
[ Crashing ]
83
00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:24,670
Oh, did I do that?
84
00:03:24,737 --> 00:03:31,444
♪♪
85
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:32,980
[ Gunshot ]
86
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,982
I got your dick!
87
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,784
♪♪
88
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:40,520
[ Marching band music plays ]
89
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,421
♪♪
90
00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:43,957
[ Clicking ]
91
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,426
[ Crowd booing ]
92
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:50,564
[ Cheering,
marching band plays ]
93
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,166
[ Roars ]
94
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,902
♪♪
95
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:56,769
Give me your money!
96
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:59,039
Help! Help!
97
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,645
Who's that?
98
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:09,083
Won't somebody
help me?
99
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,953
You won't stop me,
masked stranger!
100
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,321
[ Roars ]
101
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,391
Oh, that'll do it!
102
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,960
[ Cheering ]
103
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:24,130
Woman: We love you,
whoever you are!
104
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:25,899
Woman #2:
Where'd the pool guy go?
105
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,935
[ Roars ]
106
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,672
Peanuts!
Get your peanuts here!
107
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,941
Aah! Aah!
108
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,610
Ew.
109
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,877
[ Screaming ]
110
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,946
[ Laughs ]
111
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,314
[ Alarm ringing ]
Oh.
112
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,983
Stupid building codes.
113
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,484
Hey, guys, does this
look weird to you?
114
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:46,886
Mine looks like
Richard Nixon.
115
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:50,390
Can we hang out one time
without studying our vaginas?
116
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,524
-Aah!
-Oh!
117
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,159
-Ugh!
-Good day, Totally Spies.
118
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:56,295
Your mis -- Jesus Christ,
put some pants on.
119
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,198
Your mission --
Travel to South America
120
00:04:58,265 --> 00:04:59,732
and root out
a cell of radicals
121
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,768
threatening the puppet ruler
we control.
122
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,537
These radicals are
teachers and artists.
123
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:06,071
Who says blondes
are dumb?
124
00:05:06,138 --> 00:05:07,473
Can we, like,
go fight a guy
125
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,975
dressed as a big rat
or something?
126
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,110
No, and to make sure
it goes smoothly,
127
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,445
you'll be joined by
Agent Marshall on loan
128
00:05:13,512 --> 00:05:16,850
from the CIA, and, girls, don't
forget to take your gadgets.
129
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,184
Whoosh!
130
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,352
What is this?
131
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,755
That is a cutesy,
cuddly curling iron.
132
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,788
Fun!
133
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:25,358
It packs a lethal dose
of polonium-210.
134
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:26,994
Uh, fun?
135
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:32,131
♪♪
136
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,534
Hey, guys,
look at their work.
137
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:37,003
So much culture.
It's amazing.
138
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,372
And banned.
139
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,438
Aah!
140
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,473
Oop, sorry.
141
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,041
Is that too tight?
Nice work.
142
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,576
Hand me that cutesy,
cuddly curling iron.
143
00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:44,744
For the polonium?
144
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:46,645
[ Chuckles ] No, gonna
shove it up his ass.
145
00:05:46,712 --> 00:05:49,248
I thought it was proven
that torture doesn't work.
146
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,483
Depends on what
you're trying to do.
147
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:53,554
If the answer is have fun,
it definitely works.
148
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:59,225
[ Buzzing, man screaming ]
149
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,594
[ Whirring ]
150
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,197
[ Screaming continues ]
151
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,901
[ Whirring continues ]
152
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,471
Guys, I think
I have PTSD,
153
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,707
post-totally
stressed disorder.
154
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,576
Good one, Alex.
155
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,044
[ Cat yowls ]
Ugh! Sam! Sam!
156
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,245
Twitch is not a spy!
157
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,047
Not a spy!
158
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,548
[ Cat yowling ]
159
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:25,119
♪♪
160
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,820
[ Wheezing ]
161
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,390
Do you need your
heart pills, Grandpa?
162
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:33,026
[ Grunting ]
163
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,195
But they're right here.
164
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,163
[ Grunting ]
165
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,565
I'm going to
leave these here.
166
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,632
I promise.
167
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:42,134
[ Grunting ]
168
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,938
This time, I really
won't move them.
169
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,339
[ Grunting ]
170
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,543
[ Gagging, wheezing ]
171
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,910
Grandpa?
172
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,845
Mr. Schindler,
the Talmud says,
173
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:56,415
"Whoever saves one life
saves the world entire."
174
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,617
I -- I could have
saved more.
175
00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:01,521
Oscar, you saved over
1,000 Jews
176
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,224
and one man who claims
to be a werewolf.
177
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,425
This watch, I --
178
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,594
I could've bought two more
with this watch.
179
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,894
No.
180
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:11,930
This car, Goethe offered me
30 Jews for this car,
181
00:07:11,997 --> 00:07:14,100
but I just set
the radio presets the way
182
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,737
I wanted them,
and I turned him down.
183
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,606
Once, I saved a dozen Jews
but had no money
184
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:24,610
to tip my shoeshine boy,
so I gave him a Jew.
185
00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:27,180
Itzhak, your record player
I gave you...
186
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,414
Yes?
187
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,582
...the one I nicknamed
little Anna, and you said,
188
00:07:30,649 --> 00:07:32,218
"What a strange name
for a record player,"
189
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,654
and then I chuckled
but didn't explain why.
190
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:35,921
Just go, Oscar.
191
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:38,725
We'll erect a monument
to you...or something.
192
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,925
Uh, something modest.
193
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:41,594
Don't -- don't spend
too many Jews.
194
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,496
I'll tell them.
Goodbye.
195
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:50,563
♪♪
196
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:55,875
There can only be one lord
of the ring, Saruman.
197
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,677
[ Gasps ]
198
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:58,744
Ugh!
199
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,714
The Eagles.
My message got through.
200
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,482
It did.
How could we pass up
201
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:05,485
playing
for Gandalf the Grey?
202
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,887
Now sit back
and take it easy.
203
00:08:08,954 --> 00:08:13,059
Another morning singing to
my beloved, disgusting town.
204
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,127
Great.
French Anne Hathaway is back.
205
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:18,065
If she comes over here,
I'm blind, deaf, and mute,
206
00:08:18,132 --> 00:08:19,532
got it?
207
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:23,036
♪ There goes the beggar
with his remaining limbs ♪
208
00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:25,938
♪ He sold his legs
to buy some pants ♪
209
00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:27,907
♪ The street whores
are the grossest ♪
210
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,508
♪ Syphilised all their noses ♪
211
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:32,445
♪ Just another normal day
in feudal France ♪
212
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,812
Help us, Belle.
213
00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:35,781
Help yourself
and learn to read.
214
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:39,251
♪ There goes the taxman
with his iron shackles ♪
215
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:42,222
♪ Now watch this asshole
do a dance ♪
216
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,923
♪ The death cart rolls on by ♪
217
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,858
♪ The corpses piled high ♪
218
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:50,263
♪ Just another normal day
in feudal France ♪
219
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,332
♪ Oh, isn't this disgusting ♪
220
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:57,070
♪ The well is full of poop
and human pee ♪
221
00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:00,039
♪ Oh, isn't it charming ♪
222
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:03,943
♪ How the children think
they'll live past 23 ♪
223
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,611
♪ Just another normal day ♪
224
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,246
♪ Just another normal day ♪
225
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,014
♪ Just another normal day ♪
226
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:15,488
♪ Just another freakin' day
in feudal France ♪
227
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,823
[ Coughs ]
228
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,292
Oh, fucking fuck me.
229
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,194
Oh, my God.
The bipods are here.
230
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,495
They're tripods.
231
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,696
Count them, three legs.
Wait.
232
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,698
That's not
two legs and a penis?
233
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:28,534
Uh, I don't
think so, but maybe.
234
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,170
Uh, I really
think it's a penis.
235
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,072
Ugh, my dick!
236
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:36,342
Yo, Troy, did you really sign up
for the high-school musical?
237
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,544
Yeah, cool, right?
238
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,679
Hell no,
it's not cool.
239
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:43,116
♪♪
240
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,017
♪ Dancing is for losers ♪
241
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,952
♪ Singing is for dorks ♪
242
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,989
♪ The musical is
a dead art form ♪
243
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,858
♪ Beggars can't be choosers ♪
244
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,692
♪ The only choice is sports ♪
245
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,994
♪ My asshole keeps
the bench warm ♪
246
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:57,997
♪ Keep your, keep your
brain on the ball ♪
247
00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,799
♪ Keep your, keep your
brain on the ball ♪
248
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,334
♪ Keep your, keep your ♪
249
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,502
Guys, guys,
I'm -- I'm confused.
250
00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:05,438
You want me to choose basketball
over the musical?
251
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:06,439
Damn straight.
252
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,341
Dude, listen to
the song.
253
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,143
So you're telling me
not to sing,
254
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,211
and you're doing it
in the form of a song.
255
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:14,247
Sounds like someone
needs another verse.
256
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,349
♪ If an athlete chooses music ♪
257
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,418
♪ Light his ass on fire ♪
258
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:21,254
♪ Kill his parents with a rock ♪
259
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,656
It's just
kind of hypocritical.
260
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,022
That's all I'm saying.
261
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:25,925
We don't have time to argue
with you all day, man.
262
00:10:25,991 --> 00:10:28,093
We told Coach we'd help
pass out condoms
263
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,963
with abstinence slogans
on them.
264
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,132
-Yeah.
-Abstinence!
265
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:37,503
♪ Your ass looks great ♪
266
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,537
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
267
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:39,872
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
268
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,874
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
269
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,042
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
270
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:44,376
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
271
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,212
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
272
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,213
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
273
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,547
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
274
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,550
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
275
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,753
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
18368
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