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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:04,003 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:06,039 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,511 [ Whirring ] 4 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:18,786 MAN: It's alive! 5 00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:28,828 [ Thunder rumbles ] 6 00:00:37,403 --> 00:00:38,738 Care for some coconut milk? 7 00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:39,839 Yeah, I'd love some. 8 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,242 Yeah, suck my nuts dry, girl. Mmm! 9 00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:46,178 Yeah, suck the milk right out of my nuts! 10 00:00:46,245 --> 00:00:49,148 What are you looking at? You done it, too. 11 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,384 You've all sucked these nuts! 12 00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:54,086 [ Laughs ] Coconut tree wins at life! 13 00:00:54,153 --> 00:00:55,454 Fellow Renegades, 14 00:00:55,521 --> 00:00:58,658 today we shall destroy the Guardians once and for all! 15 00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:00,492 Ah, yeah, Screwhead gonna whip all the butts. 16 00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:01,828 Screwhead a mean little Gobot. 17 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,228 Got a big old screw on his head. 18 00:01:03,295 --> 00:01:05,297 Screwhead gonna be like pow, pow, smack, pow, pow -- 19 00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:06,298 knocking good guys down. 20 00:01:06,365 --> 00:01:07,666 They all be like, "Who are you?" 21 00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,002 And I'll be like, "Screwhead." 22 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,070 All right. 23 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,539 We are going to launch a surprise attack 24 00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:14,840 on the Guardian base! 25 00:01:14,907 --> 00:01:16,509 Ah, yeah! Screwhead gonna be like this -- 26 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:17,676 Doop, dee, bop, doop, doop! 27 00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:19,078 Guardians be like, "What's that?" 28 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,980 "Oh, it's just a car with a screw in the front." 29 00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:23,116 Then they be all relaxed and thinking I'm not Screwhead. 30 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:24,716 Then I'll be like bing, bang, bow, bow! 31 00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:26,952 Good guy runs into the other room all scared of Screwhead. 32 00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:28,588 I knock on the door like, "Knock, knock." 33 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:29,489 "Who's there?" "Not." 34 00:01:29,555 --> 00:01:30,789 "Not who?" "Not Screwhead." 35 00:01:30,856 --> 00:01:33,192 Then he open the door and be all like, "Uh-oh, Screwhead." 36 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,494 Oh, Screwhead, let's cool it with the commentary. 37 00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:37,730 We will attack in two teams. 38 00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:39,566 I will command Team 1. 39 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:41,868 Team 2's leader will be Tank! 40 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,336 Oh, snap! He say Screwhead! 41 00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:44,236 Heck yeah! 42 00:01:44,303 --> 00:01:45,538 Y'all be high-fiving Screwhead 43 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,207 'cause he be all leading Team 2. 44 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,208 Screwhead, I-I said Tank. 45 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,843 My bad. Screwhead's not leading Team 2. 46 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,111 Tank is. Love tank. 47 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:53,980 Screwhead see Tank in the halls and be all, "S'up, Tank? 48 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:54,981 How are you doing today?" 49 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,516 Tank be like, "I'm good, Screwhead." 50 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:57,618 I'll be like, "Okay." 51 00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:00,754 Oh fuck me. I just couldn't with him, right? 52 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,122 I-I mean... 53 00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:08,795 ♪ We will remember Screw 54 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:13,833 ♪ Will you screw-member him? 55 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:17,603 CSI initial evaluation of Lois Lane murder scene. 56 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:18,704 [ Both shuddering ] 57 00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:20,773 Back of victim's head blown outwards, 58 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,409 consistent with a firearm discharge in her mouth. 59 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:24,744 No powder burns visible. 60 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,544 [ Gasps ] 61 00:02:25,611 --> 00:02:27,079 Hold it together, Kent. 62 00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:30,550 Blood spatter indicates low angle of trajectory. 63 00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,385 Hmm. No bullet holes. 64 00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:35,321 Gun would have been about here when he fired. 65 00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,357 Putting her head about here. 66 00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,424 Higher. 67 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:39,425 Here? 68 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,061 Huh? Huh? 69 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,161 Oh, my God. 70 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,764 Could be the bastard made her get down and beg. 71 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,632 Well, I'll kill him myself! 72 00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:48,868 No, her expression reads as total surprise. 73 00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:50,102 She never saw it coming. 74 00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:51,804 Huh. The chair's facing the TV. 75 00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,472 Where they watching something? 76 00:02:53,539 --> 00:02:55,908 Announcer: Your watching the Blow Job Network. 77 00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,043 [ Gulps ] 78 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,446 Huh. Is the Blow Job Network on Comcast? 79 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,147 Just asking for a friend. 80 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,514 Any neighbor testimony? 81 00:03:02,581 --> 00:03:05,685 Yeah, old lady across the hall said she heard someone yell, 82 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,153 "Here comes a super load," 83 00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,855 followed by a noise she described as, uh, 84 00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:12,158 "bear screaming into a megaphone." 85 00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:15,362 And then a cry of "Oh, my God, I've killed her." 86 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,563 I don't know. 87 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,964 Call me crazy, 88 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:22,035 but I think she might have been giving Thor a hand job. 89 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,202 That cheating bitch! 90 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:25,138 She blew me in this chair just last night! 91 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,008 Uh, I mean, uh, yoink! 92 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:30,409 Hello, Comcast? 93 00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:33,146 Does my extended digital package cover the Blow Job Network? 94 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,648 ♪♪ 95 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:36,849 Max, what are you doing? 96 00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,752 It looks like you have brain freeze. 97 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,019 I'm doing Kegels. 98 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,822 Mmm. Is that like a mix between a croissant and a bagel? 99 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:43,923 [ Snap ] 100 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,425 Uh-oh. I think I just broke my vagina. 101 00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:48,494 Man: We interrupt this program with breaking news. 102 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:52,130 A powerful 9.2 earthquake has struck off the coast of Europe. 103 00:03:52,197 --> 00:03:54,701 Now back to "2 Broke Girls," already in progress. 104 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,402 You're not going to bandage her labia? 105 00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:57,803 Where'd you even go to school? 106 00:03:57,870 --> 00:03:59,005 No, no, no, it will heal 107 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,940 if she'll just leave it alone for a few days. 108 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:01,974 [ Scoffs ] 109 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,510 That's like asking a fish not to swim. 110 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,445 Man: An update on the European quake. 111 00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:08,080 A wall of water 90 feet high 112 00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:10,583 is expected to reach land within the hour. 113 00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,051 Now, "2 Broke Girls." 114 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,853 Oh, your soup's cold, lady? 115 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,089 Well, guess what? I just broke my -- 116 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:16,989 [ Cat meows ] 117 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,825 Oh, my gosh. Whose cat is that? 118 00:04:19,892 --> 00:04:22,629 Man: Ladies and gentlemen, Europe is now under water. 119 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,696 Millions of lives are presumed lost. 120 00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:27,467 Please, pray for everyone affected by this tragedy. 121 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,569 And now back to "2 Broke Girls." 122 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:30,570 Penis! 123 00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,972 ♪♪ 124 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:36,942 ♪ Yeah, we're the Stone Protectors ♪ 125 00:04:37,009 --> 00:04:39,612 ♪ Our stones of power glow 126 00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:43,116 ♪ Guardians of the stones, yeah ♪ 127 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,450 Hey. [ Chuckles ] 128 00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,818 Hey, um, you guys sound great, 129 00:04:46,885 --> 00:04:49,222 but this is my wedding, so I really need you guys 130 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,391 to play a song that isn't about your stones. 131 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,693 But we were just goofy nobodies 132 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,295 until we found these magical stones, 133 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:59,166 which transformed us into rocking heroes! 134 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,333 ♪ Hoo-hoo 135 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,467 Yeah, and that's great, 136 00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:03,302 but, um, today is about me and Josh, 137 00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:06,039 and you've been playing songs about stones for 90 minutes. 138 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:08,107 But our stones of power glow. 139 00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:10,409 Look, next up is the father-daughter dance, 140 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,446 so it is very important that you play something appropriate. 141 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:14,947 Get it? 142 00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:16,749 [ Soft song begins ] 143 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:20,920 ♪ Look at you, my lovely ♪ 144 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:25,725 ♪ Look at you, my little one ♪ 145 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:30,897 ♪ Look at you, my sweet little ♪ 146 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,065 ♪ Stone 147 00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,167 ♪ Stone Protectors 148 00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:35,201 Fuck this! 149 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,369 [ Music stops ] 150 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,837 Stone bros, get off my fucking stage! 151 00:05:38,904 --> 00:05:41,407 Can someone with Pandora on their phone 152 00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:43,376 please come up to the stage? 153 00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,745 Thank you, San Dimas High! 154 00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:47,780 Bill and Ted out! 155 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,782 [ Crowd cheering ] 156 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,117 Yes! 157 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,819 Wow! Oh, my God! 158 00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:55,822 How could anyone follow that? 159 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,189 Hoo, hoo, hoo! 160 00:05:57,256 --> 00:06:00,794 Well, here with the last report of the day is Katie Hall. 161 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,531 Whoever said behind every great man was a great woman 162 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,701 must have known First Lady Abigail Adams. 163 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,101 [ Chuckles ] 164 00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:13,872 Sorry, Morticia, but I think Abigail was the best Mrs. Adams. 165 00:06:13,939 --> 00:06:18,010 I can't listen to crappy jokes after the actual Napoleon 166 00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,914 was just out here cracking my ass up! 167 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,081 Oh, wow! 168 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:25,251 Here to tell you what she thinks of San Dimas, 169 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,786 it's Abigail Adams. 170 00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,121 Also known as my mom. 171 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,488 Oh, my God! 172 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,892 Bill and Ted just did this concept but so much better! 173 00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,693 Get off the stage, Katie! 174 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,696 Bill and Ted! Come on, guys. 175 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:37,864 Bill and Ted! 176 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,064 [ Screams ] 177 00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,167 Did somebody say our names? 178 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,769 Tell me... 179 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,670 Do you bleed? 180 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:47,940 Before you answer, just know that I don't give a fuck. 181 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,775 J.K. I give so many fucks. 182 00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:52,345 Inside that bag are all the fucks I give. 183 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,246 It's empty. 184 00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:54,613 [ Thunder crashes ] 185 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,883 Darn it! I'll just run over to the fuck store. 186 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:57,884 It's open till 9:00. 187 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,986 Oh, no, it's 9:02. 188 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,356 Enough with this silliness. Your fight is not with me. 189 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,524 There is a greater threat. 190 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,393 Oh, look! A vending machine! 191 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:10,329 And there's one fuck left. 192 00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:12,197 All right, you're gonna check your pockets 193 00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:14,600 and say something like, "Oh, man, I don't have a dollar. 194 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,169 Looks like I can't give a fuck. 195 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,270 So don't waste your time. 196 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,871 But I have a dollar. 197 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,440 [ Thunder crashes ] 198 00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:21,809 [ Beeping ] 199 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:24,911 Oh, no! 200 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,145 The fuck got stuck. 201 00:07:27,212 --> 00:07:30,883 I cannot believe you went to all that effort just for this bit. 202 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,186 I'm out of here. 203 00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:36,355 Got your fucks here! 204 00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:38,257 Fresh hot fucks two for a dollar! 205 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:39,526 No, no, no, he left, bro. 206 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,692 He's already gone. 207 00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:42,229 When your crush takes you back, you be like... 208 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:43,395 [ Gibbering ] 209 00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:44,831 When your crush takes you back, you be like... 210 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:45,998 [ Gibbering ] 211 00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,667 When your crush takes you back, you be like... 212 00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:48,869 [ Gibbering ] 213 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,378 Hey, I know this is Monday morning quarterbacking, 214 00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:01,981 but building a liquid metal version of the humping robot 215 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,083 was a really bad idea. 216 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,316 But on the bright side, 217 00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:06,453 hiding in this factory was an even worse idea. 218 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,655 [ Clanging ] 219 00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:10,890 [ Chainsaw whirring ] 220 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:11,790 [ Crying ] 221 00:08:11,857 --> 00:08:13,859 This isn't how I wanted to die. 222 00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:16,863 This is exactly how I wanted you to die! 223 00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:19,032 Hi, I'm "Robot Chicken" co-head writer 224 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:21,300 and executive producer Douglas Goldstein. 225 00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:24,370 If Matt Senreich and Seth Green are the faces of the show, 226 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:27,173 consider me the puppet master pulling their strings. 227 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,707 Uh, Mr. Goldstein, did you get a chance 228 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:30,810 to look over the script that I gave you? Yep, saw it. 229 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:32,780 Put it in the toilet 'cause that's where shit goes. 230 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,049 So for our season finale, we had an online vote. 231 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,786 Would you like to see a finale starring me 232 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,454 or starring Matt and Seth? 233 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,956 And the results are in. 234 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:43,990 [ Buzzer ] 235 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,724 Maybe this will change your minds. 236 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:48,894 My finale involves me wearing a dope jacket from Wet Seal, 237 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,930 kicking ass on a flying motorcycle 238 00:08:50,996 --> 00:08:53,265 and open-mouth kissing Christie Brinkley 239 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,068 with my whole tongue. 240 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,203 [ Buzzer ] 241 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,206 [ Grunts ] 242 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,309 Hey, enjoy your same old Matt and Seth bullshit. 243 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,979 [ Chainsaw whirring ] 244 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,752 Thanks, Robot Chicken! 245 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,955 Looks like it's a happy ending. 246 00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,894 Oh, no. We have to destroy you? 247 00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:23,696 Wait, we have to be destroyed? 248 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:24,630 Why? 249 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:25,765 Hi, Matt and Seth. 250 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:27,801 It's Mike Feinberg, Adult Swim's lawyer. 251 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:28,868 Bad news. 252 00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:30,602 The network's canceling "Robot Chicken." 253 00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:32,371 What? No. We -- We've got a contract. 254 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,307 And it's non-compete clause clearly states 255 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,908 that when your show is cancelled, 256 00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,244 the creators are lowered into a vat of molten metal. 257 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,645 Hey, I really can't get sued again 258 00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:40,979 after that intern class action. 259 00:09:41,046 --> 00:09:43,650 In retrospect, making dick-out Thursdays mandatory 260 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:44,684 was going too far. 261 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,152 Aagh! 262 00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,120 Oh, wow! 263 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,855 This feels kind of good, actually. 264 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,523 Like a Jacuzzi, except -- Oh, no! 265 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,025 No, God, that's fucking hot! 266 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,129 ♪♪ 267 00:09:56,562 --> 00:10:00,433 Uh, Doug, do I really have to wear this Halloween costume? 268 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,335 Oh, yes, Christie Brinkley. 269 00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:03,436 [ Slobbering ] 270 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:04,270 Oh! 271 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,405 Ugh! 272 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,439 Geez! 273 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,975 How does my freaking throat taste? 274 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,278 Like prime grade-A Brinkley throat beef. 275 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,013 Brinkley throat beef? 276 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:18,017 You told me I was gonna be in a "Vacation" sketch. 277 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,619 Is Chevy even here? 278 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:22,788 I lied, baby. It's what I do. 279 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:23,991 [ Tires screech ] 280 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,664 We still doing dick-out Thursday? 281 00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:37,471 Well, it's already out, so... 282 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:41,173 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 283 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,508 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 284 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,510 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 285 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,678 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 286 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,013 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 287 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,848 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 288 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:49,849 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 289 00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,184 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 290 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,186 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 291 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,356 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 20479

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