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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:04,003
[ Whirring ]
2
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:06,039
[ Theme music plays ]
3
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,511
[ Whirring ]
4
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:18,786
Man: It's alive!
5
00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:28,828
[ Thunder rumbles ]
6
00:00:37,403 --> 00:00:38,570
[ Grunting ]
7
00:00:38,637 --> 00:00:41,441
Boots, tell them
we mean them no harm.
8
00:00:41,507 --> 00:00:44,644
Uh, eeh, eeh, eek, eek,
ooh, oog, ooh.
9
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,446
[ Grunts ]
10
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:49,315
Uh, what'd they say?
11
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:52,251
Boots,
you son of a bitch.
12
00:00:52,318 --> 00:00:53,652
Yo, what's up,
Suge Knight?
13
00:00:53,719 --> 00:00:55,655
I'm your engineer.
Who we recording today?
14
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,322
You about to witness
history, kid.
15
00:00:57,389 --> 00:01:01,194
We gonna be blazing a track with
Tupac, Biggie, and Aaliyah.
16
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,828
Oh, what? How?
17
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:05,232
Yo, whitey, walk
your frosty ass in here.
18
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,271
Unh, drop that beat.
19
00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:12,772
[ Hip-hop music plays ]
20
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,344
[ Yelling ]
21
00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:23,883
This is gonna be the biggest
album of the century!
22
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:27,353
Oh, no, unh-unh.
Oh, no!
23
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:34,393
[ Hip-hop music plays,
yelling ]
24
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:38,297
[ Distorted voice ]
I sense you have a...sister.
25
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:42,035
If you will not turn
to the Dark Side,
26
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,769
perhaps she will.
27
00:01:43,836 --> 00:01:46,039
No!
Leia will never turn.
28
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,274
W-Wait.
Princess Leia?
29
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:49,609
Yes, and I'll stop
you before --
30
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,044
Shut up!
Just shut up for a second!
31
00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:55,481
I need a major
time-out here!
32
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:57,817
Can I help you
find something?
33
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,686
I need an "I'm sorry
to daughter" card.
34
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,223
Can you be more specific?
35
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,724
[ Whirring ]
36
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:05,992
[ Gasps ]
37
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,427
[ Whirring intensifies ]
38
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:10,096
Uh, I'd rather not.
39
00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:12,498
Hmm, how about Ziggy?
He always seems to --
40
00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:15,534
Stop!
You had me at "Ziggy."
41
00:02:15,601 --> 00:02:20,241
[ Laughs ] Oh, leave it to Ziggy
to sum it up perfectly.
42
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:25,445
[ Roars ]
43
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,912
My dear Dr. Grant,
44
00:02:26,979 --> 00:02:31,016
welcome to the Cool Dinosaur
Place that's the Best!
45
00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:33,053
Uh, is that name
set in stone?
46
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,390
Yes, nailed it!
47
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:39,959
Ready to see
my chocolate factory?
48
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:44,397
♪ Follow me to a world
of magical fantasy ♪
49
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,566
[ Rattling ]
50
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,868
[ Line ringing ]
51
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:49,869
This is Jeff.
It's Willy.
52
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,337
Can you buzz me in,
please?
53
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:52,939
♪ Before your eyes
54
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,407
[ Buzzer, door rattles ]
55
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:55,407
Didn't open, Jeff.
56
00:02:55,474 --> 00:02:56,709
Really?
I-I pushed 8.
57
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,610
No, Jeff,
pound first, then 8.
58
00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:05,218
♪ To a place where dreams
are sweeter than candy ♪
59
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,686
[ Dial tone, line rings ]
60
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:07,920
Sorry, I pushed
"End call."
61
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,589
Jeff, how about you just come
open the door for us?
62
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:12,859
♪ Licorice chairs
63
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,094
I'm not supposed
to leave the desk.
64
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,495
Jeff,
I'm Willy fucking Wonka,
65
00:03:16,562 --> 00:03:18,398
so just come open
the fucking door, Jeff.
66
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,834
♪ Take a breath
67
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,636
[ All gasp ]
68
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,973
♪ Come with me
69
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,808
No, Jeff! No!
70
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,078
A bunch of strangers invited
to a fancy dinner.
71
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,212
What is going on?
72
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,548
Perhaps we all have something
in common.
73
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,082
Well, what could it be?
74
00:03:37,149 --> 00:03:40,486
I am a beautiful, cultured
heiress to an oil fortune.
75
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:43,590
I am a retired
Navy ship commander.
76
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,725
I am a hunter of big game.
77
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,827
Well, I'm technically
an aspiring actor,
78
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,061
but to pay the bills,
79
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:51,263
a dude I met on Craigslist
pays me to dress up
80
00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:52,664
as Yosemite Sam and jerk off
81
00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:55,302
while he watches from another
room via two-way glass.
82
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,403
And I own a bank.
83
00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:58,504
[ Thunder crashes ]
84
00:03:58,571 --> 00:03:59,739
[ Woman screams ]
85
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,308
Oh, my, the maid
has been murdered.
86
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,244
So, how much
you get paid?
87
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,611
And how often?
88
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:07,680
About a thousand bucks
a session, and it depends --
89
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,649
sometimes once a week,
sometimes 20 times a week.
90
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,917
[ Thunder crashes, man screams ]
91
00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:13,720
The cook has been
murdered, too.
92
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:16,422
Oh, no.
93
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:19,692
Do you put the costume on at
his house or drive there in it?
94
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,260
I usually put the costume
on at home.
95
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,495
I have to glue
the beard on.
96
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,932
[ Thunder crashes,
woman screams ]
97
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:29,135
So, do you get paid
if you don't finish?
98
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,238
That's a good question.
It's kind of a two-part answer.
99
00:04:33,105 --> 00:04:36,576
Announcer: Bugs Bunny --
the rumors, the speculation.
100
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,711
Now the interview.
101
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,548
I started dressing as a woman
to trick Elmer Fudd.
102
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,618
But I kept dressing
as a woman for me.
103
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:48,254
Oh, yeah, everyone wanted
to fuck her.
104
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,790
Bugs Bunny as a woman is hot!
105
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,091
[ Laughs ]
106
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:54,560
I'm half-mast thinking about it
wight now.
107
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,295
The doctors gave him
a new puddy.
108
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,164
I saw it, I did!
109
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,999
I did see his new puddy!
110
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:03,270
It's wabbit season
in my pants.
111
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,870
Watch it, pal!
112
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:07,406
The terminator went back
in time to kill my mom.
113
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,709
Kyle, you have to keep her safe,
or I'll never be born.
114
00:05:10,776 --> 00:05:13,213
But remember, any changes made
to the past
115
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,614
will affect things here.
116
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,349
[ Bell jingles ]
117
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,818
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
118
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,786
Oh, no.
119
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:23,222
That son of a bitch is already
making changes!
120
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:24,590
[ Bell jingles ]
121
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:25,525
Aah!
122
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,628
Paper route terminated!
123
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,130
Oh, how lame!
124
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:34,367
And why do I have a tattoo of
Olympic skier Picabo Street?
125
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:37,204
I'm spelling my name!
126
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:39,338
T-E...
127
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:41,742
oh, no.
The reserves depleted.
128
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:48,982
What the hell is he even
doing back there?
129
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,484
Yo soy Juan Connor?
130
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:53,152
♪ La, la, la
131
00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:54,720
♪ Doo, doo, doo
132
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,090
[ Goats bleat ]
133
00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:00,660
[ Laughs ]
I will be quack.
134
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:01,660
[ Laughs ]
135
00:06:01,727 --> 00:06:03,596
[ Castanets clicking ]
136
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,899
[ Groans ]
137
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,299
Ai-yai-yai.
138
00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:09,370
Yo soy Juanita Connor!
139
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,872
[ Computerized beeping ]
140
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,074
Next audition
for "Magic Mike."
141
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,044
This is
David Copperfield.
142
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,080
[ Coughs ]
You want to be in "Magic Mike"?
143
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:24,317
Well, now, how can I be
in "Magic Mike"
144
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,486
if I already
am Magic Mike?
145
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,122
Um, huh. Okay.
Did you read the script?
146
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:33,994
Oh, yes, the script.
Now, where did I put that?
147
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,027
The script!
148
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:36,395
Whoa!
That was incredible.
149
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,198
Um, yeah,
that -- that script.
150
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,566
Oh, uh,
I-I did not read it.
151
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,535
It's -- it's not really
about magic.
152
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:43,969
You know what's magic?
153
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:47,006
That feeling you had
when your dad bought you...
154
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,975
your first car!
155
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:51,811
[ Gasps ]
That is fucking amazing!
156
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:54,480
But the thing is, this movie
is about strippers.
157
00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:56,515
You'd have to be
completely naked.
158
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,151
Thank you for seeing me.
159
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,452
Aah!
160
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:00,854
♪ Eel drums
161
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,156
♪ With the steel drums
162
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,591
♪ Eel drums
163
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,292
♪ With the steel drums
164
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,062
♪ We're ee-ee-eel, eel drums
165
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,998
[ Scatting ]
166
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:14,901
[ Upbeat music playing ]
167
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,104
[ Machine-gun fire ]
168
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,474
[ Bird shrieks ]
169
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,210
Flappykins!
Aah!
170
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:25,878
Well, guys, we may as well
171
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,647
confront the elephant
in the room.
172
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,182
Oh, you mean
the eagle, man.
173
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,816
I mix up words
for stuff, too.
174
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:33,452
Like -- Like earlier, I called
my fork a stabby spoon.
175
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:35,821
Shut the fuck up, Zapper!
I'm talking about my name.
176
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:38,190
I can't be Captain Eagle
without my eagle,
177
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,626
and that means we're no longer
Eagle Force.
178
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:42,962
Fork bowl!
That's what I call a spoon.
179
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,430
Shut the fuck up,
Zapper!
180
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,600
We need a new name,
and we need it right now!
181
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,734
Uh, Gun Team!
182
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,168
No, dog, Bullet Brothers.
183
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,569
Ooh, how about
Kaboom Force?
184
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,471
Boots! We're all wearing boots!
Something boots!
185
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:53,706
-Blam-a-rama!
-Boot Brutes!
186
00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:54,708
We're the Boot Brutes!
187
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:55,809
Ooh!
I know! I know!
188
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,043
Eagle Force!
189
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,244
All: Shut the fuck up,
Zapper!
190
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,613
Okay, our new name
is Blam-a-rama,
191
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,114
and I am Captain Blam.
192
00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:05,118
That's a Whole Foods name tag,
und it says Oscar.
193
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,986
[ Laughs ]
Got your bird!
194
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,120
It's a placeholder, okay?
195
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,056
We weren't expecting you
to kill our eagle!
196
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,157
Now let's fight!
197
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,126
You heard Oscar!
Eagle Force, attack!
198
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:15,161
Goddamn it, Zapper!
199
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:19,399
Operation Relaxation engage.
200
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:22,101
Creed seminal album
"Human Clay."
201
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,737
Eject! Eject!
202
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:27,606
[ "With Arms Wide Open" plays ]
203
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:31,245
♪ With arms wide open ♪
204
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:39,019
In the whole of Middle-earth,
there was found a Hobbit...
205
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:44,223
...whose dick was so long,
he could slob it.
206
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,325
Two "Project Runway"
finalists.
207
00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:47,994
Only one can be the winner.
208
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,829
Chardonnay,
you're amazing.
209
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,631
Thank you!
210
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,400
And, Edna, you are...
211
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:54,734
Incredible?
212
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,969
Darling, the only reason
I'm on this show
213
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,772
is to expose it as the
fraudulent fashion farce it is.
214
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:01,040
Wunderbar!
215
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,142
Chardonnay, from day one,
you made us rethink
216
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,243
what we thought about
thinking about fashion.
217
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:09,214
Edna, you won challenge after
challenge, blowing us away.
218
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:11,919
The rocket launchers
don't work for me.
219
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,054
You killed Michael Kors,
220
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,655
and you killed it
on the runway.
221
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,924
But will you kill it
with your final presentation?
222
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:21,327
Heidi, darling,
you're like my first BMW.
223
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,197
You're old, German,
and you both blew a Seal.
224
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,733
That burn was so hot,
I almost changed my inflection.
225
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,537
Your final challenge
is to design capes!
226
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,371
No capes!
227
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,940
Edna, I'm checking
your progress.
228
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:36,742
So far today, darling,
all I've done
229
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,778
is this sketch of you
wearing a lace bikini
230
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,379
sucking off
a Clydesdale horse.
231
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:41,480
May I keep that?
232
00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:43,516
But what about
the cape, Edna?
233
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,351
Why don't you do me a favor,
darling?
234
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,386
Take your last name,
put it in your mouth,
235
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:48,421
and pull the trigger.
236
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,089
I'm so flustered right now,
237
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:52,525
I almost stopped talking
in monotone.
238
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,494
Chardonnay, your capes
were exceptional.
239
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:59,532
Edna, you made a bold choice
and didn't make any clothes.
240
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,833
Hush, my darling.
241
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,235
Using synthetic
self-fastening fibers,
242
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:05,438
Heidi, I'm dressing you
like a polar bear
243
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,106
because you are
tall, white,
244
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,174
and you have
Seal DNA in your stomach.
245
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:12,645
And I dressed your geriatric
manservant like Carmen Miranda
246
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,714
because it
accentuates his eyes.
247
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,149
This isn't the first time
I've been covered in fruits.
248
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:19,652
Edna, you changed
how we see ourselves.
249
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,588
You are the winner.
Chardonnay, you're out.
250
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:25,891
[ Sobbing ] Oh, my!
251
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,760
You forgot to say one thing,
darling.
252
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:28,995
Auf wiedersehen.
253
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,496
[ Beep, whirring ]
254
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,200
Ooh, let's do "launch."
255
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:35,868
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
256
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:37,203
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
257
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,205
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
258
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,373
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
259
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,707
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
260
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,542
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
261
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:44,543
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
262
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:45,878
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
263
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,881
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
264
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,050
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
265
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,358
[ Roars ]
18469
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