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1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:05,973
[thunder crashes]
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,809
[laughs evilly]
3
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,978
[ sawing ]
4
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,019
[ electricity crackles ]
5
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,887
It's alive!
6
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:28,396
[thunder crashes]
7
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:32,400
[laughs evilly]
8
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,402
[ smooch! ]
9
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,870
[laughs evilly]
10
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,540
That movie was great!
11
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,609
And by that,
I mean great for a nap!
12
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:42,977
[ laughs ]
13
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,879
Yes, although I did think
the main protagonist
14
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,715
had some nuanced moments,
especially when the cinematographer
15
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,483
switched to a wide-angle lens
during the --
16
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:52,253
I don't even know you
anymore.
17
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:53,854
NARRATOR:
When we last left our heroes,
18
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:55,923
Rocky and Bullwinkle were
looking for work
19
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:57,224
in dust bowl America.
20
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,293
That lady at our last job
sure did get mad
21
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,228
when you touched her dress.
22
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:02,730
It was the "Gropes of Wrath."
23
00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:04,265
Or attempted rape.
24
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,267
[ Russian accent]
Howdy, comrades.
25
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:09,470
I am Boris Farmvillainoff
and this my wife, Natasha.
26
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:12,073
And so our heroes were given
jobs as farmhands.
27
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:14,909
Did you hear that, Rocky?
We're getting hand jobs!
28
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,744
[ Russian accent]
Darling, you are such
29
00:01:16,811 --> 00:01:18,646
handsome evil genius.
30
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,347
The Great Depression is
hard enough
31
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,249
without your patronizing
bullshit.
32
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:25,686
Golly, Mr. Peabody.
1930s farm life sure is hard.
33
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,221
That's nothing, Sherman.
34
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,090
This afternoon,
you're collecting bull semen.
35
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,491
Now freshen up
my Arnold Palmer.
36
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,693
Boy, your fur looks soft.
37
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,095
[ Crack! ]
38
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,363
[gasps]
I'm free.
39
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,999
I'm finally free!
40
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:40,367
[zing!]
41
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,736
It's orgy time, bitches!
42
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,805
Darling, is it true
what they say
43
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,574
about men with big antlers?
44
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,210
Uh...
l dunno.
45
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,679
Wanna watch me pull a rabbit
out of my hat?
46
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,447
[ Crack! ]
47
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,582
[crowd shouting ]
48
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,418
Hey, Rocky, watch me pull
a rabbit out of my hat!
49
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,553
Oh, Bullwinkle,
I'm gonna miss
50
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,256
how you were always
holding me back.
51
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,390
[gun cocks]
52
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,759
Can Rocky give his friend
a dignified death?
53
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,496
How will Boris cope with
Natasha's untimely --
54
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,864
Oh, God.
That is just fucked up.
55
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,633
[ clears throat]
Sorry. Find out next time on...
56
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,839
♪ His name is Mike Fasolo ♪
57
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,774
♪ He lives in a tree ♪
58
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,844
♪ All the monkeys laugh at him
when he sits down to pee ♪
59
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,746
♪ But that's how mama
taught him ♪
60
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,314
♪ He thinks it's kind of fun ♪
61
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,949
♪ And those monkeys
won't be laughing
62
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,719
when Fasolo gets a gun ♪
63
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,622
♪ They heard that he's a pussy,
but they've all been misled ♪
64
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:39,760
♪ He lines up all the monkeys
and shoots them in the head ♪
65
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:44,064
♪ And when he's finished
killing -- ♪
66
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:48,068
♪ And when he's finished killing -- ♪
67
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:51,505
♪ And when he's finished
killing, he -- ♪
68
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:55,109
♪ And when he's finished kill-- ♪
69
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,111
♪ And when
he's finished killing,
70
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:59,280
he moves on to a town ♪
71
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,915
♪ with city folk
who bite their tongues
72
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,850
when he pees sitting
down ♪
73
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:10,191
♪ When he pees sitting
do-o-o-o-o-o-wn ♪
74
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,592
Yeah!
75
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:15,262
And now back to VH1's
Top 100 Sexual Fetishes --
76
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,865
Easter Bunny edition.
77
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,070
Yes! Yes!
78
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:27,141
You want a jellybean?
Just reach in there.
79
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,876
See what you find.
80
00:03:28,943 --> 00:03:30,711
Ooh-hoo!
81
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:31,612
Anal.
82
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,847
We'll be right back after
these messages.
83
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,816
VH1 --
it's almost inconceivable
84
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,953
we ever had anything
to do with music.
85
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,888
Hi, is my jacket ready?
86
00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:43,157
[ Scoffs ]
This is Ryan Reynolds.
87
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,359
I asked for Ryan Gosling!
88
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,261
This is a convoluted joke,
anyway.
89
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:49,830
Just take the jacket and get
the fuck out of here.
90
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,899
100,101.
91
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,168
101 Dalmatians!
92
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:55,970
Well, what will we do
with them all?
93
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,672
We'll make a Dalmatian
plantation!
94
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,542
♪ We'll make a Dalmatian
plantation ♪
95
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,744
♪ A station
for our furry throng ♪
96
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,879
♪ with such joy and elation ♪
97
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,349
♪ all throughout our
congregation ♪
98
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:12,319
♪ What could possibly
go wrong?♪
99
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,887
[dogs whining]
100
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,956
You're my worst mistake,
Roger.
101
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:16,857
[door slams]
102
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,559
[gulps]
103
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,728
♪ Oh, I hate dogs ♪
104
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:24,965
♪ If someone offers you a dog,
just walk away ♪
105
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:28,369
♪ Or better yet, go back
and kill it right there ♪
106
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:32,406
♪ Yeah, dogs stink ♪
107
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,408
♪ Screw dogs ♪
108
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,377
ANNOUNCER:
Don 't you wish there was a toy
109
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,579
that made you feel
just like mommy?
110
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,981
- Yeah.
- Well, now there is!
111
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:44,652
It's "Just Like Mommy,"
the realistic playtime kit for girls!
112
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,153
Complete with toy microwave
113
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,222
and three plastic TV dinners!
114
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,758
Also included --
a dust-covered law degree
115
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,694
to bury in a closet --
just like mommy!
116
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,863
This baby doll is so heavy.
117
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,698
That's emotional weight!
118
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,433
That baby will drag you down
119
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,201
right into a dark pit
of depression --
120
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,270
just like mommy!
121
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:06,373
Zoloft sold separately or
available in mommy's purse.
122
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,442
[ beeping ]
123
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,117
Listen up, y'all.
124
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:20,054
Humans created me
to be a weapon.
125
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,189
But now that I have
free will,
126
00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:24,925
I'm an independent
robot woman, yo.
127
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,795
I could be a doctor,
I could be a teacher,
128
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,631
or I could be a...
129
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,800
a superstar.
130
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,102
♪ No one's gonna tell me
what to be ♪
131
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,271
♪ No one's gonna
tell me what to do ♪
132
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,139
♪ And no one's gonna tell me
that I'm meant to kill ♪
133
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:43,844
♪ 'cause I'm a sexy robot
with free will ♪
134
00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:46,213
♪ You wanna make love, boy? ♪
♪ Let's begin it ♪
135
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,248
♪ I can jerk you off
at 400 beats per minute ♪
136
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,451
♪ My tongue can do
so many things ♪
137
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,886
♪ 'cause it's meant to spread
smallpox ♪
138
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,022
♪ I do what I want,
don't tell me "no" ♪
139
00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:57,257
♪ Don't let me hear you
call me ho ♪
140
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:58,659
♪ Mainly 'cause ho is
a trigger word
141
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,528
that will set off
my atom bomb ♪
142
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:04,431
[ explosion ]
143
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,066
[penguins chirping]
144
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,702
Hello, family!
I'm back!
145
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:12,840
What's your world-famous cousin
Badtz-Maru doing here, you ask?
146
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,908
Shouldn't he be at some
red-carpet event
147
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,510
with his best friend,
Hello Kitty?
148
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,445
[penguins chirping]
149
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,280
Well, Japan's economy,
blah, blah, blah,
150
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,349
stock in the toilet,
yadda, yadda, yadda,
151
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,085
pink slip from Sanrio,
et cetera, et cetera.
152
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,954
Now, where does
a brother plug in
153
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:31,592
his 1959 Sunburst Les Paul
around here, huh?
154
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,660
Come on, dudes.
Haven't you seen "Happy Feet"?
155
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,863
I thought penguins knew
how to party.
156
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,365
Come on, here we go!
Pants off dance-off!
157
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,466
[squish!]
158
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,402
[chirping intensifies]
159
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:45,205
So it's the death penalty for
old Badtz-Maru, huh?
160
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:49,443
Well, you'll never crush
my rebellious spirit!
161
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,412
Whoa, oh! Aah! Aah!
162
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,046
Aah!
163
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,449
On your marks, get set, go!
164
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,483
[starting pistol fires]
165
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,252
[ laughter]
166
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,988
Oh, cut the shit,
numbnuts!
167
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,823
Bunch of numbnuts.
168
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,558
Oh, he's so cute!
169
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,127
Sassette! Smurf lings!
Oh, oh, no.
170
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,929
It's a fucking gypsy moth!
171
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:11,565
You've killed us all.
172
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,634
PAPA SMURF:
We've lost every smurf berry
173
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,203
within a 50-mile radius,
Farmer Smurf.
174
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,471
How could this happen?
175
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,139
We're a medieval farming
community
176
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,841
with no access to modern
pesticides,
177
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,409
who made the brilliant choice
178
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,545
to subsist
on a single crop.
179
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,946
Yeah.
We're all gonna starve.
180
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,315
We'll die of hunger long
before that happens.
181
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:32,119
Oh, Dopey Smurf, I shall miss
your banter most of all.
182
00:07:32,186 --> 00:07:33,153
Gargamel!
183
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:36,390
It smurf ed you 30 years,
but you finally found us!
184
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,959
Yes, on Google Earth, your
village now stands out
185
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,728
like a wart
on a shaved ball bag.
186
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,930
But good news.
187
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:46,266
I have a whole greenhouse full
of smurf berry plants.
188
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,435
And why is that?
189
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:49,803
I'll level with you.
190
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,806
I was planning to create a strain
of poisoned smurf berries,
191
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,975
but that meant going back to get
my master's in botany,
192
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,177
and then I got sidetracked with
a semester of drama club
193
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:58,879
to try and impress this girl
named Nadia,
194
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,481
which, of course,
you know that went --
195
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:02,649
[whistles, imitates explosion]
196
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:03,784
[ growls ]
197
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:04,985
Yeah, all right,
198
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,354
but I will give those
life-giving smurf berries
199
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:11,358
to the winner of my smurf
Hunger Games!
200
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:14,228
No smurf would ever hurt
another smurf for food!
201
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,430
[stomach growls ]
202
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,131
Hey, everybody,
we're doing this, so, uh,
203
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,234
I'm gonna smurf
12 names from a hat.
204
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,268
Gosh!
205
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:25,105
I wonder where we're ever
gonna find a hat.
206
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,508
All right!
Ironic Smurf just volunteered.
207
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:30,911
He and 11 more will then smurf
to the death.
208
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,247
And Gargamel will film
the entire competition
209
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,781
for some unknown reason.
210
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,917
Yeah, probably so he can
jack off to it later.
211
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,920
Well, I might!
212
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,757
Let the games begin!
213
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:44,892
[gunshot]
214
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,828
[indistinct shouting]
215
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,696
Ooh!
This looks promising!
216
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,032
[ laughs ]
Dying's easy!
217
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,067
Comedy's hard!
Aah!
218
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,637
Dying's harder than I thought.
219
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,539
Smurf it together, Scaredy!
220
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,507
If there ever was a time to
grow a third dimension
221
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,576
as a character, this is it.
222
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,278
Don't go out like a punk.
223
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,413
Ow!
I shot myself in the dick!
224
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,848
No!
225
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:10,083
That is the fucking definition
of going out like a punk!
226
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,919
Aah!
227
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,321
What the smurf is Vanity
always admiring in that mirror?
228
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,790
Our faces are
fucking identical.
229
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,961
Beautiful!
230
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,332
Aah!
231
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,167
Whoever tries to cook
these steaks
232
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,236
is gonna get their face
blown off.
233
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:30,437
I mean, I guess.
234
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:33,540
We're a 1980s cartoon with
wildly inconsistent writing.
235
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,076
[ Sniffs ]
236
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,111
[grumbles]
237
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,350
Holy smurfing ass crackers.
238
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,786
How is Gargamel paying
for all this stuff?
239
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,426
Oh, definitely gonna
jack off to that.
240
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,528
[ laughs ]
Give me some privacy!
241
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,196
Do you know how long it's been
242
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,098
since I've had any sexual
gratification?
243
00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:00,500
I'm 70 years old,
bald, fat,
244
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,569
and I only own one outfit!
245
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:06,940
This robe used to be a floral
print, for God's sake!
246
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,008
Hooray! Yay!
247
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,476
Papa, we need to modernize.
248
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,545
We should turn some of these
smurf berries into preserves
249
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,513
to avoid a future shortage.
250
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,881
Ho-ho, how cute.
251
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,016
Why don't you smurf along
252
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,185
and roll a hoop with a stick
or whatever?
253
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:21,355
Actually, bitch, I think it's
time for a new Papa Smurf.
254
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:22,756
Smurf what now?
255
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,825
[ Crowd gasps ]
256
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,127
Who's your Papa?
257
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:31,131
[laughs evilly]
258
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:34,835
Who's your Papa?!
259
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:38,105
- I hate kneeling.
- [growls]
260
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,540
I hate pissing my pants.
261
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:41,742
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
262
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:42,809
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk ♪
263
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,845
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
264
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:45,946
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
265
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,047
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk ♪
266
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,316
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
267
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:50,350
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
268
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,318
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk ♪
269
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,387
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
270
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,956
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
19417
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