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1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:05,906
[thunder crashes]
2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,976
[laughs evilly]
3
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:11,679
[ sawing ]
4
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:18,119
[ electricity crackles ]
5
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,521
It's alive!
6
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,629
[thunder crashes]
7
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,466
[laughs evilly]
8
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,969
[ smooch! ]
9
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,804
[laughs evilly]
10
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,607
You have my sword.
11
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:40,941
And you have my bow.
12
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,309
And my ax.
13
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,045
[auctioneering ] Hey, now,
we got a sword, a bow and an ax.
14
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:45,546
I need a shield. Is there a shield?
Do I hear a shield?
15
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,614
My shield!
16
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:47,982
Shield from the son of the
Steward of Gondor, Gondor.
17
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,451
We got a sword, bow, ax, shield.
- My staff!
18
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,119
We shall not pass
on a shiny new staff.
19
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,821
We got us a staff, a sword,
shield, bow, and ax.
20
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:54,922
No range. We need some range.
Who's gonna give us some range?
21
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:56,490
- My arrows!
- Arrows from the elf!
22
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,192
Got sword, shield, bow, ax,
staff, and arrows.
23
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,927
- My horse!
- A horse from the dwarf, of course.
24
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:01,462
What on middle-earth could
possibly beat one horse?
25
00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,364
- Two horses!
- Two horses from the ranger.
26
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:04,999
Two horses, two horses.
Do I hear an oliphant?
27
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,534
We might have a deal here,
folks, going once.
28
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,501
Going twice.
29
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,804
And sold to Aragorn‚
son of Arathorn!
30
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:11,305
Well done, Aragorn.
31
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:12,940
You deserve it.
Good job.
32
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,010
Congratulations.
33
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,778
What just happened?
34
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,514
And I swear, guys, we were
making out for about 20 minutes
35
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:24,118
before I even realized
this chick was a rat turd.
36
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,519
Oh, yeah!
37
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,321
Been there!
38
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:31,525
When you're a solid dude,
you stick by your buddies.
39
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,160
You work together...
40
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,628
play together.
41
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:38,365
That's what friendship's
all about.
42
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,735
And when your best friend comes
out and tells you he's gay,
43
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:45,840
you may not know how to act
around him anymore.
44
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,142
Make a gesture.
45
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,543
Bring along some white wine
46
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,912
to let him know you're okay
with him being gay,
47
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,815
even though you
probably won't ever, like,
48
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:57,284
go to a gay bar with him.
49
00:01:57,351 --> 00:02:00,721
White Wine...
Fuck Yeah.
50
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,690
Happy birthday, young
Ben Tennyson.
51
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,992
What's with the crappy gift,
Azmuth?
52
00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:07,261
Last time I got a watch that
turns me into aliens!
53
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,463
That was when you were
Ben 10.
54
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:13,400
Now that you're ben 14, you
get more grown-up gifts.
55
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,870
I saved the world like
40 times this year,
56
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,405
and this is what I get?
This birthday blows!
57
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,341
It's not over yet.
58
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,810
Here's your final present.
59
00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:25,179
[sighs, groans]
60
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,580
Oh!
61
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,116
That's for saving the world.
[ chuckles ]
62
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:32,052
Happy birthday, Ben 14!
63
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,091
Come.
64
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,227
I-I can't, E.T.
This is my home.
65
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:44,665
I'll be right here,
Elliott.
66
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,370
You know what?
I think I will come with you.
67
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:53,440
Oh. Okay.
That's great.
68
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,843
This is Elliott.
69
00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:58,579
He's coming with us...
I guess.
70
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:01,415
Want to see a picture of E.T.
in a dress?
71
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,285
Oh, come on, dude.
72
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,855
So, you were the one who got
stranded on Earth.
73
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,657
You sound like trouble.
74
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:13,194
Where there's smoke,
there's fire.
75
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:16,030
You just pull that glowing-finger
thing out for anyone, huh?
76
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,331
Aah!
77
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,333
Come on, bro.
78
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,537
You're kryptonite for vagina.
79
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,673
Oh, come on, homes.
80
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,875
I thought you were looking
for a job.
81
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:29,910
Oh, yeah, I forgot
about all those doubles
82
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,612
you pulled at the Circle K
83
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,415
when you weren't playing
dress-up with my sister.
84
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,483
Sometimes I feel like you were
just asking me to come with you
85
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,384
to be polite!
86
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,688
Oh, looks like the case is
closed, Sherlock.
87
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,623
That's it! I'm phoning home!
88
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,926
Not with my minutes,
you're not.
89
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,830
When you realize maybe you
married the wrong woman,
90
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:53,100
you try not to think about it.
91
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:54,868
When you're jealous
that your friend's
92
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,303
at gay bars every night,
93
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,939
getting laid more than you
because he's gay
94
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,475
and the pressure to get married
at an early age
95
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,344
just isn't the same
in his world,
96
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,280
you keep that to
yourself.
97
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,282
And you hammer down
a half a bottle of white wine
98
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,451
to help you forget.
99
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:13,754
White Wine...
Fuck Yeah.
100
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:16,457
Meow. I regret that I have
but one life
101
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:18,826
to give for my country!
102
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:21,061
Nice try. Get nine nooses!
103
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,363
Meow. Damn it.
104
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,299
You like the show, ladies?
Good, good.
105
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,468
Oh, hello.
What have we here?
106
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,203
You wanna come backstage?
107
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,438
Uh, isn't she a little young?
108
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:33,540
I'm gonna check her I.D.,
woman!
109
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,576
I'm not gonna check
your I.D.
110
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,512
So, my idea is a bank that
also reports the news
111
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:41,215
and produces movies
and TV shows.
112
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:44,151
Combine them all into one?
I love it, Jared!
113
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:46,053
Mama, who's missing?
114
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:50,324
At every Passover Seder, we set
a place for the prophet Elijah.
115
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:53,160
- Have I met him?
- No, little shevvetz.
116
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:56,430
The prophet Elijah died
3,000 years ago
117
00:04:56,497 --> 00:05:00,401
on a night just like
this one.
118
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,003
Ooh!
Tell me the story, Papa!
119
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,106
Yes, tell us the story, Papa!
120
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,976
[ All shriek, scream]
121
00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:13,747
Oh, gefilte fish?
Gross.
122
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,283
I love being psychically
bonded to my sectaur.
123
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,851
He does everything I do.
124
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,486
Hey, where's Skulk?
125
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,789
He wouldn't go far
without his tarantula.
126
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:25,959
He said he was
doing his taxes.
127
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:29,530
[tarantula groaning]
128
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:35,636
[tarantula crying ]
129
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,705
Uh, maybe we should, uh...
130
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:41,875
Yeah, let's just get
the fuck out of here.
131
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,944
[tarantula continues crying]
132
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,013
Oh, now, here's an affordable
little beauty.
133
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,549
Fully automatic.
126 horsepower.
134
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,384
What does "horsepower" mean?
135
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:53,721
Well, it means this car is
better than 126 horses.
136
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,690
- How'd you figure that out?
- Well, you see...
137
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,759
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen, I don't believe it either,
138
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,828
but this Corolla has bested 124 horses
139
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,930
right before our eyes,
140
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,898
though I'm betting these next
three thoroughbreds
141
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,000
will have something
to say about that!
142
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,503
[horse whinnying]
143
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,971
[engine revving ]
144
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,106
[buzzer]
145
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,843
[tires screech ]
146
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,379
[crowd cheers ]
147
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,052
[horse neighs]
148
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:34,895
[tires screech ]
149
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,464
Aah!
150
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,145
[horse whinnies]
151
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,013
[buzzer]
152
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,383
So, you know,
there you have it.
153
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,918
Are you on cocaine?
154
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,653
Oh, hot-diggity!
155
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,456
I can't believe I ate
the whole thing.
156
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,958
I really got my rocks off.
157
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,060
Orange you glad
I tickled your asshole?
158
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,329
Hey, I didn't ask you
to do that.
159
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:13,000
When you follow your buddy
to a gay bar just once,
160
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:17,070
just to see what it's like,
you dress the part.
161
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:21,175
When you decide receiving oral
doesn't really count as gay,
162
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:24,244
you're on your way
to an adventure.
163
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,147
But when you realize
that gay or not,
164
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:31,985
it does count as cheating
on your wife, buddy,
165
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:35,222
it's time for white wine.
166
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:38,492
White Wine...
Fuck Yeah.
167
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,427
All right, what do we got
in here?
168
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,930
O.J., purple stuff, soda...
169
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,064
[gasps]
Look! Sunny D!
170
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,066
Wait, what the hell
is purple stuff?
171
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,968
It doesn't even have a label.
172
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:51,238
- You think it'll get us high?
- Only one way to find out!
173
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,152
[horn blares]
174
00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:07,855
David!
Don't you die on me!
175
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,991
[coughs]
I might not have to.
176
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,326
What do you mean?
177
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,195
One last theory about...
178
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:19,366
purple stuff.
179
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,869
[ Liquid hisses, bubbles]
180
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,438
[ Bones cracking ]
181
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:25,906
[gasps]
182
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:29,543
It -- it worked!
183
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,379
Okay, let's see.
O.J., Sunny D, soda...
184
00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,615
Hey, who took
my purple stuff?!
185
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,517
Aw, Dad damn it!
186
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:37,985
[gulping]
187
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,419
Ugh! God!
188
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,488
It's like someone poured
a bottle of perfume
189
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:42,756
into orange juice.
190
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,191
Take it easy on me,
huh, doc?
191
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:45,893
You got it, Sal.
192
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,995
[grunts]
Aah!
193
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,530
- Earth!
- Fire!
194
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,298
- Wind!
- Water!
195
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:52,633
Heart!
196
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:57,404
By your powers combined,
I am Captain Planet!
197
00:08:57,471 --> 00:08:59,606
ALL: [unenthused ]
Go, planet.
198
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:02,776
Whoa. Really not feeling
the love today, kids.
199
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,045
It's not my abs, is it?
I switched trainers.
200
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,281
I've just got to rehire Jenny.
- No, Cap.
201
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:10,150
Today's mission is gonna be
kind of intense.
202
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,720
Has Hoggish Greedly reunited
the eco-villains again?
203
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,122
No, Captain Planet.
204
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:19,493
So who is this villain in
need of a good, sound thrashing?
205
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,996
Oh, no!
206
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,465
Have eco-terrorists
taken over the Capitol?
207
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,700
You might say that.
208
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,369
The United States is the
second-largest polluter
209
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:30,804
on Earth, behind China.
210
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,739
To truly make a difference...
211
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,709
We must overthrow
the United States government.
212
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,545
Ha ha! ls Ashton Kutcher
around here somewhere?
213
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:39,947
[chuckles nervously]
214
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,848
We're not waging war
on America.
215
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,116
Not just America!
216
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,618
Once we command
the U.S. military,
217
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,753
we'll fight China
to the death.
218
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,423
This is so important, Gi will
fight her own people!
219
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:52,225
- I'm from Thailand.
- The capital of China.
220
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,895
I won't let you!
221
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,697
- [grunts]
- Aah!
222
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,131
Ha!
223
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,166
Aah!
224
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,135
[grunts]
225
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,503
Oh!
226
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:04,504
Why?
227
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:08,542
[screaming]
228
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,243
You leave me no choice.
229
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,280
[grunts]
230
00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:16,516
Ma-ti, I thought you were
the power of heart.
231
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,686
Hearts were made
to be broken.
232
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,757
Whoa.
This just took a dark turn.
233
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:28,195
[grunting ]
234
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,496
In the news tonight,
235
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,465
the famous ecological heroes
The Planeteers
236
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:34,034
attacked the U.S. Capitol today.
237
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,036
Bob, The Planeteers showed no mercy
238
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,105
for approximately 5 to 10 seconds
239
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,040
before they were all
shot in the back
240
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,775
by an overweight security guard
241
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,844
here at the very first
checkpoint.
242
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,912
We're hearing from the families
that the bodies
243
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,582
will not be cremated due to
environmental concerns.
244
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:49,983
They'll be mulched.
245
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:50,984
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
246
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,119
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk ♪
247
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,287
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
248
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,389
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
249
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:56,456
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
250
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,592
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
251
00:10:58,659 --> 00:10:59,726
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
252
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,761
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk ♪
253
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,996
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
254
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,766
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
17855
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