All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S09E16.The.Safe.Husbands.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-ShiNobi_track3_[eng]

[music playing]

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is happy to bring you

America's favorite
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Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

They enjoy good times together.

And like most of us, they
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And now, Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

[knocking on door]

- Come in.

Oh, hi, Joe, Clara.
- Hi, Oz.

- Hi, Ozzie.
- You all set?

- Well, uh, just about.

I have to get my sweater.

Harriet will be right down.

Oh, my, you look lovely, Clara.

- Oh, thank you, Ozzie!

- I'll be right back.

Come on in.

- Why don't you ever say
nice things like that?

- I do!
- Hi, Clara.

Hi, Joe.
- Hi!

- Hi, Harriet.

- My, you look lovely.

- Well, thank you.

- I mean to me!

- You always look nice, dear.

- Well, it's a pretty weak
excuse, if you ask me.

- I thought it was a rather
quick recovery myself.

- Well, if you ask me, I think
both the girls look lovely

all the time.

- Oh, come on, Clara, we'd
better get out of here.

The snow's getting pretty deep.

- [laughs] Harriet, did you by
any chance fix lunch for us?

- No, I thought you
guys got your lunch down

at the bowling alley.

- Well, that's the way
wives lose their husbands,

by not giving them
enough attention.

- That'll be the day.

- Well, I don't
know about you, Oz,

but I'd rather eat
lunch down there.

You know that cute
little waitress?

- Oh, you mean
the redheaded one?

- Yeah, I hate to say this,
but she's kind of stuck on me.

- No, no, it's not you.

It's me.

Haven't you noticed the way
she always smiles at me?

She's just being nice
to you because she

figures you know me.

- Look, Oz, uh,
maybe we'd better

have lunch someplace else.

No sense worrying the girls.

- Yeah, you may
have a point there.

We don't want to
spoil their luncheon.

- It's OK, fellas.
We trust you.

- I don't know.

There's some awfully cute
girls who come in there.

- Yeah, Joe's right.

A lot of cute girls--

blonds, brunettes, redheads.

- I told you we trust you.

- Not only that, you both have
that settled married look.

- What's this?

- Oh, in a handsome,
dashing way, of course.

- Oh, well, that's better.

[laughs] You know,
they're kidding,

but I think they're
a little worried.

- We are.

We're worried that we're going
to be late for the luncheon.

Have a good time.

- Bye.
- So long.

- Bye.

Somehow I get the idea
they aren't exactly worried

about us.

- I get the same idea.

- Of course, I can
understand why Harriet

feels that way about you.

- What do you mean?

- Well, let's face it,
you put on a few pounds

around the middle there.

- Me?

What about that lard
you're carrying around?

- Are you kidding?

It's just that this
sweater is a little bulky.

- And that's another thing.

Look how sloppy you dress.

- Please, this is
the new casual look

for the old,
settled, married man.

[music playing]

- Thank you, Mr. Nelson.

- You bet.

Joe?

[laughter]

Joe?

- Uh, just a second, Oz.

- Well, thank you very much.
- Not at all.

It was my pleasure.

- What was that all about?

- I was just standing here.

This girl comes up and
starts a conversation.

- What does she want?
- Who knows?

She was probably just lonesome,
wanted somebody to talk to.

Very attractive.

Nice, friendly smile.

- Well, what did she say?

- Well, uh, she wanted to know
if I had change for a quarter.

- [laughs] I figured it
was something like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's phoning, probably
calling her husband.

Come on, let's go.

- It wasn't so
much what she said.

It was the way she said it.

I wish Clara could
have seen that.

- Clara?

- Yeah, Clara and Harriet.

They seem to think we have
that old, settled, married look

about us.

- Well, that's a
natural attitude.

After all, it gives a
wife a feeling of security

to know that her
husband isn't exactly--

- Exactly what?

- Well--

- Attractive to other women?

- Well, yeah,
something like that.

After you've been married
as long as we have,

your wife likes to
think of you as being

comfortable and settled.

Let's face it,
there's nothing more

ridiculous than a
middle-aged wolf.

- Oh, I agree with you,
Oz, but there are also

a lot of girls who prefer
a little maturity in a man.

Take the waitress in
the coffee shop here.

She always flashes
that big smile at me.

I know she's happy
to see me come in.

- Well, sure.

I told you because you
usually come in with me.

- Oh, come on, Oz.

I don't think she
even knows you.

- Oh, no?

You just wait and see.

She always gives me an
extra big piece of pie

and an extra cup of coffee.

- Same here.

She always gives me an
extra scoop of ice cream.

What are you going to have, Oz?

- Oh, the usual:
apple pie and coffee.

- I think I'll have
a dish of ice cream.

- Uh-- Busy today.

- Yeah.

- Yes, sir?

- Well, hello, there.

Uh, I'll have the usual.

- Me, too.

- The usual?

- Yes, apple pie and coffee.

- Two pies and coffee.

- Uh, no, no, no.

I'd like a dish of
chocolate ice cream.

- Oh, OK.

- You're right.

She is kind of busy.

- She's a nice girl.

- Oh, yeah.

- Well, here we are.

- Well, at least I
got the right flavor.

- What do you mean?

- That's a peach pie.

[music playing]

- Having a little
trouble, girls?

- Yes, I don't know
what's the matter.

We were driving along, and
all of a sudden, the car

stopped, and I can't
get it started again.

- We hate to bother
you like this.

- Oh, well, that's OK.

Did it sputter a little
before it stopped?

- Yes, it did.

- Well, you're
probably out of gas.

- I don't think so.

- Well, uh, pardon me.

What does the gauge show?

- It says empty,
but I can usually

go a long ways after that.

- Well, it's way
over to positively.

You're out of gas, all right.

- Oh, that's a shame.

- Well, look, there's a
gas station just a couple

of blocks down the road here.

We'd be very happy to
drive you down there.

- Well, that'd be wonderful,
if it isn't too much trouble.

- No, not at all.

I'll get your keys for you.

- Thank you.

Oh, by the way, my name is
Mabel, and this is Mary Alice.

- Oh, how do you do?

My name is Ozzie, and,
uh, this is Mr. Randolph.

- Uh, Joe.

- Hi.

This is awfully
nice of you fellas.

- Oh, it's our pleasure.

- Step right in, girls.

- Thank you.

- I'll sit in the back here.

- Oh, come on.

Don't be so exclusive.

- You think we can
all squeeze in there?

- Oh, sure.

- Oh.

There we are.

[music playing]

- Wasn't that Joe and Ozzie?

- Yeah!

- Well, who were
those two girls?

- Well, I don't know.

I thought the
fellas went bowling.

- So did I!

- You know what
could have happened?

They were probably driving home,
and those girls ran out of gas

and flagged them down,
and they're giving them

a lift to the gas station.

- Yeah, something like that.

- Oh, sure, they'll tell us
about it when they get home.

[car horn honking]

- OK, what's your hurry?

- OK, Oz?

- OK!

- Try it out.

- Fine!

- Just put the can down here.

We'll take it back
to the garage.

- OK.

- Gee, thanks a lot, fellas.

- We sure were lucky
you came along.

- It was our pleasure.

- We enjoyed it.

Don't drive too fast now.
- OK.

- OK.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Thanks again.

- Nice girls.

- Yeah, sure are.

- A lot nicer than that
girl at the lunch counter.

- [laughs] Well, should we go?

- Oz, remember that car we
passed at the intersection

just before we got
to the gas station?

That wasn't Clara
and Harriet, was it?

- Well, you know,
I was wondering

the same thing myself,
but, uh, what would they

be doing out this way?

- Well, they could have been
coming back from the luncheon.

The women's club isn't
too far from here.

- Yeah, that's right.

You know, I'll bet it
was Clara and Harriet.

- I'll bet it was, too.

- [laughs] This is pretty funny.

- Yeah.

[laughs] What part
of it's funny?

- Well, it's sort of ironic.

You know, they were
kidding us this morning

about our being
out of the running,

and then they see us with
these two good-looking girls.

[laughs] Boy, it must have been
quite a shock when they saw us.

- Yeah, especially with that
blonde sitting on your lap.

- Well, I mean, we were all kind
of squeezed in together there.

Besides, you know
it wasn't my idea.

I was going to sit in the back.

- Well, don't tell me, Oz.

Tell Harriet.
- Oh, well, I--

I-- I will.

I mean, I'll-- I'll, uh, tell
her about it as soon as we get

home.

Of course, I'll
explain it much better.

Uh, what are you
going to tell Clara?

- Well, now wait a minute.

Why should we tell
them anything?

- You mean just not go home?

- No.

We just don't say anything.

After what they said
to us this morning,

it'll serve them right.

- Well, yeah!

Let them worry a little about
their unattractive husbands

with the settled, married look.

- We'll just go home and act
as if nothing had happened.

- They'll expect a big
explanation the minute

we walk in the door.

- Oh, that's for sure.

- You know, the more you
think about this, the funnier

it gets.

Hey, they're here.

- How do you know?

- Isn't that Clara's bag?

- Oh, yeah.

Remember now, we
play it real cool.

Act as if nothing has happened.

- Well, nothing has happened.

We went bowling, and
here we are back home.

- At-ta boy, Oz.

- Oh, and when they
ask about the girls,

just be casual about it.

Don't volunteer any information.

Let them drag it out of us.

- Girls?

What girls?

Oh, those girls.

- Hey, you're
pretty good at this.

Have you been holding out on me?
- Me?

What about yourself?
[laughs]

- Shh.

Remember now, real casual.

- Well, here they are.
- Hi!

- Hi.

- Hi.

We, uh, just got back.

We had quite a game.

- Yeah.

- Oh, that's nice.

- We broke even.

- Oh, congratulations.

- Good for you.

- Yeah, I won the first game,
and Joe won the second game.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Well, come on, Joe.

I want to put my sweater
in the living room.

- Oh, OK.
- Uh, fellas?

- Uh, yes?

- Don't you want some coffee?

- Uh, no thanks.

- Uh, no thanks.

- Want sugar, Clara?

- No, thank you, Harriet.

- They didn't say anything.

- Well, see, we threw
them off balance.

They expected us to come in and
say something about the girls.

They'll be out here in a minute.

- I don't hear them coming.

- Well, after all,
they have their pride.

Maybe we ought to go back
and give them another chance.

- Yeah, that's an idea.

- What?

You change your mind
about the coffee?

- Uh, no.

- Well, there's plenty
more there if you want it.

- OK, thanks.

- They didn't say anything.

- Well, give them time.

Can't you see they're
just putting on an act?

They're plenty worried, though.
You could tell that.

- Oh, that's for sure.

You can see it written
all over their faces.

- Probably what happened they
talked it over and decided

to wait till they
each get us alone.

You know, the old technique
of divide and conquer.

- Sure, that's right.

- Joe, we'd better get going!

- OK, Clara!

It's working great, isn't it?

[laughs]

- Like taking candy from a baby.

[laughs]

Well, good luck, Joe.

[music playing]

Going out tonight?
- Uh, yeah.

Rick and I are going to a show.

- Oh, good.

Say, uh, Dave, did you notice
that your mother seemed

a little quiet at
dinner tonight?

- No, not especially.

Why?

- It just seemed to me she
was a little preoccupied.

- Gee, I didn't think so.

In fact, now that
you mention it,

you seemed kind
of quiet tonight.

- Yeah, what's the matter, Pop?

Has Mom got you in the
doghouse or something?

- [laughter] What makes
you say a thing like that?

- That's OK, Pop.
Don't fall apart.

We were just kidding.
- Yeah.

Besides, we won't tell anybody.

- Now, fellas-- uh, boys?

- Oh, hi!
- Hi!

- Come on in.

- I came over to borrow a
spool of thread, if it's OK.

- Sure.
- I thought I'd tag along.

- Come on upstairs.
- Hi, Joe.

- I've got about every
color you can think of.

- Well, I need some dark blue.

- Did Harriet say anything
about seeing us in the car?

- No.
Has Clara?

- No, not a word.

- Well, do you think it's
possible they didn't see us?

- Well, it's possible.

- Hey, that'd explain it.

How about that?

It looks like we
got away with it.

I mean, not that there was
anything to get away with.

- Well, at least it's
taught me one lesson.

It's the last time I
listen to your advice

as far as women are concerned.

- What are you talking about?

- We should have told them
all about it the minute

we got home.

- Well, it was your idea not to.

- It was not.

It was yours.

- Well, anyway, what
difference does it make?

We're in the clear now.

- Are you kidding?

We're in real trouble.

Whatever we do will be wrong.

- Well, how do you figure that?

- Well, if we don't mention
it to them and they saw us,

they're going to want to know
why we didn't say something.

And if we do mention it,
and they didn't see us,

we're out of our minds.

- I see what you mean.

Well, uh, then the
important thing for us to do

is try and find out
whether they saw us or not.

- Right.

- Let's go.

- You know, maybe we
should have said something

as soon as they got home.

- Oh, give them time.

They'll get around to it.

Don't you think?

- I don't know.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

- We thought we'd see what
mischief you girls were up to.

- Oh, no, no, not mischief.

- No, I mean, uh--

- Just looking over some thread.

- Uh, say, you didn't tell
us about the luncheon today.

Did you have a good time?

- Oh, yes, it was very nice.
- Very nice.

- Good.

- It was at the women's
club, wasn't it?

- Yes, it was.
- Let's see.

That's over in the
general direction

of the bowling alley, isn't it?

- Yes, it is.

- How about that?

That looks about right.

- Oh, that's perfect.

- All right, did you see us
with the girls or didn't you?

- Oh, so that was you.

You were right.

- I thought so.

- Well, there was
really nothing to it.

These two girls were
alongside the road,

and we picked them up.

- No, not picked them up.

They were out of gas, and we
just stopped and drove them

over and got them gassed up.

- No, no, no, no,
no, not gassed up.

We-- we got the car gassed up.

- The-- the car gassed up.

- And that's all
there was to it.

- Oh, I figured it was
probably something like that.

How about that?
It's a little lighter.

- No, I think this
one's better, Harriet.

- Now, wait a minute.

Aren't you even interested
in what happened?

- You just told us.

- But if you saw us, why didn't
you say something about it?

- Why should we?

We knew there must be a
reasonable explanation.

- But that's not
like you, Clara.

You're the noisiest--
- Tuit tut tut...

- I mean, aren't you
a little curious?

- Why, of course not!

- Why should we be?

- Well, after all, you're
women, and women usually are.

- We trust you.

- Well, eh.

Uh, come on, Joe.

- How about that?

You were right.

The girls ran out of gas.

- I figured it was
something like that.

- There's only one
thing that bothers me.

When they talked about
them, they said "girls."

And when they met us,
they said "women."

- All that worrying for nothing.

- Yeah.

Well, I guess they
know us pretty well.

- It's kind of nice,
though, to know

that your wife doesn't worry
about you, she trusts you.

- Is this baloney?

- No!

Oh, oh, yeah.

- You know, it's just like
they said this morning.

They're sure of us.

They sort of take
us for granted.

- Yeah, even when they saw
us riding in a car with two

good-looking girls.

And don't forget, one of the
girls was sitting on my lap.

- Yeah, at least they could
be a little concerned.

You know, it would
serve them right

if we did have dates with a
couple of good-looking girls.

- Hey, wait a second.

That's a wonderful idea!

- Oz!

- No, I mean we have dates
with two good-looking girls,

but the good-looking girls
are Clara and Harriet,

only they don't
know this at first.

Here's how we do it.

- "Candlelight Room.
8:30."

What's this?

- That's where we're going
to have our rendezvous.

Now, I'll drop this
someplace accidentally,

where Harriet's sure to find it.

And in the meantime, you
drop a few hints to Clara

that you and I are going out
someplace tomorrow night.

That'll start them wondering.

- Look now, we are going to
end up with Clara and Harriet,

though?

- Sure, of course.

What's the matter?

- Well, I don't
mind telling you I'm

starting to get a
little nervous again.

- Can I help you
with anything, Mom?

- Yes, dear.

You want to get the orange
juice out of the refrigerator?

- Sure.

- Well, good morning.

- Good morning.

- Uh, would you wash this
shirt for me sometime today?

- Yes, put it right on
the chair over there.

- OK.

- You dropped something, Pop.

- Oh, thanks, Dave.

- Pop.

- Oh, oh.

Thanks, Rick.

- Come on, dear.
Your breakfast is getting cold.

- Oh.

[vacuum operating]

Can I help you with anything?

- No, thank you.

Where are you going?

- Oh, uh, Joe and I
thought we might go down

to the men's club or someplace.
- Tonight?

- Yeah.

- Are they having a meeting?

- No, but we'll probably get
a little poker game going

or something, unless you
have something planned.

- Well, no.

- Joe is bringing Clara
over to keep you company.

- What about dinner?

- Oh, we'll have something
to eat at a hot dog

stand or someplace.

Oh, I thought I'd wear
my Oxford gray suit.

I haven't worn it
in quite a while.

- Oh?

- This tie is just right.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, that must be Joe and Clara.

I'll get it.

Oh, good evening, folks.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Let's get going.

The movie starts pretty soon.
- Be right with you.

I just have to get my coat.
- What's this about the movies?

I thought you were
going to the men's club.

- Men's club?

- Oh, well, see, sometimes they
show movies at the men's club.

You know, football highlights
and things like that.

Well, good night, dear.

Oh.

- Have fun, girls.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- What was that all about?

- I don't know.

- What's that?

- It says "Candlelight Room.

8:30."

What does that mean?

- I don't know.

- There's something
funny going on here.

Joe never wears his
good suit to the movies.

- Or to the men's club,
or wherever they're going.

- I wonder where they are going.

Evidently, the men's
club is showing a movie

at the Candlelight Room.

- You really think so?

- No.

- Neither do I.

- What do you think?

- Well, I certainly
don't think it

has anything to do with those
two girls they picked up.

- You do?

- No, I said I don't.

- But you really do?

- Well, to be honest with you,
I don't know what to think.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'll bet you they
want us to think

they're sneaking out on us.

- Why?
- Well, don't you see?

They just couldn't
stand it because we

didn't get all excited
about those two girls

being in the car with them.

That's why they
dropped the note.

- Sure, and they think we're
going to go running down there

and check up on them.

- Well, they've got
another thing coming.

We're not going to
fall for that stuff.

Come on, let's see if there's
anything good on television.

- Are you gentlemen
ready to order?

- Oh, well, uh, not just yet.

We're going to
wait for our wives.

- Fine.

- Do you think they're coming?

- Of course they're coming.

Will you stop worrying?

- I'm not worrying.

I'm hungry.

- Well, have some
more bread and butter.

- There isn't any more.

- Uh, Captain?

Captain?

- Yes, darling, I'll meet
you at the same place,

at the same time.

Oh, I have to hang up now.

Estelle's coming.

- Who were you talking
to on the phone just now?

- Well, what do you mean, dear?

- You know very
well what I mean.

I know what's been going on
between you and that blonde,

and it's going to end right now!

- No.
No, no, Estelle!

No, don't!

No, no!

[gunshots]

[groan and thud]

- How long will it take
you to get dressed?

- About five minutes.
- Let's go.

- Did you get them?

- No.

I phoned our house
and your house,

and they're not at either place.

Obviously, they're on
their way over here.

- How about that?
We won.

They think we're having
dinner with a couple of girls.

[laughs]

- See, I told you
it was a good idea.

[laughs]

- Oz.

- What's the matter?

- The two girls are here.

- Harriet and Clara?

- No, the blonde
and the redhead.

- Oh, you're kidding!

Who told them we were here?

- I don't know.

- Well, I don't either.

I don't even know their names.

- There they are.

- Where?

- Right over there.

- Are they still here?

- Yeah.

So are Clara and Harriet.

- What are they doing here?

- Don't you remember?

You tricked them
into coming here.

They're coming this way.

- Who?

- Everybody.

- Hello, there.

- Hi, fellas.

- Well, we might
as well face it.

- Have you been waiting long?

- No, just a few minutes.

May I take that for you?

- Thank you, Harry.

This is a beautiful restaurant.

- Well, thank you.

Thought you'd like it.

- Here they are.

- Well, Joe, look who's here!

- Clara, Harriet,
what a surprise!

- I'll bet.

- You knew darn
well we'd show up.

Trying to make us think
you were down here

with a couple of girls.

- Oh, then you
were jealous of us.

- We were not.

- Then, how come you're here?

- Well, maybe we were,
just a little bit.

- [laughs] You're
darn right you were.

- Aren't you going to
ask us to sit down?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Won't you sit down?

From now on, you'll have to
admit that you're just a little

bit worried that we might be
attractive to other women.

- Well, I must admit,
you're attractive to me.

- Me, too.
- Clara.

- I mean you.

- Well, shall we order?
I'm starved.

- Me, too.

- Uh, Captain?

- By the way, the bread and
butter is very good here.

- That's nice to know.

- Ladies.

- Thank you.

- Oz, if we're so
darned attractive,

how come those two girls
didn't even recognize us?

- Well, let's face
it, Joe, we look

like a couple of nice,
comfortable, settled, married

men.

- Joe!

-

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- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
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also present "The Ed Sullivan

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Ask your dealer for Kodak
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Good night.

- This has been
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