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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,049
[♪ Dramatic music playing]
2
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:10,552
Lester likened all the tenants
to birds, his favorite hobby.
3
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:13,514
And you were the cuckoo chick!
4
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,682
The neediest bird
of all, a taker.
5
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,850
The taker?
6
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,561
Mabel, what's the first
word that comes to mind
7
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,728
when you think of me?
8
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,481
-[Mabel Mora] Oh, narcissist.
-What the hell?
9
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:23,649
Oh, my God.
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,109
Mabel Mora?
11
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,444
Althea?
12
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,197
Actually, it's THĒ now.
I shortened it, T-H-Ē.
13
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,573
[Oliver grunting and panting]
14
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,158
Something's not adding up.
15
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,494
Well, I guess it wouldn't
hurt to take a little peek.
16
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:36,745
We're doing an autopsy?
17
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,248
A meat cleaver to the
chest. Maybe cocaine?
18
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,083
I got it! Money amounts.
19
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,751
"Brown-headed cowbird."
20
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,545
Maybe these are code names.
21
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,673
There might be a game
tonight. We have to go.
22
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,384
Lester and Nicky
have both been here.
23
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,677
-[keypad beeping]
-[door unlocks]
24
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,595
-[Charles gasps]
-[Oliver grunting]
25
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,557
[Oliver Putnam] You're gonna get us
killed by a bunch of murderous mobsters.
26
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,475
They're all billionaires.
27
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,812
This isn't the mob. This
is the new mob of New York.
28
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:02,896
[fingers tapping]
29
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,900
[♪ Intriguing music playing]
30
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:11,280
[Camila White] How does it feel
to be worth a billion dollars?
31
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,157
If I'm honest, not
as good as it felt
32
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:18,787
to win my first hundred
dollars on a perfect bluff.
33
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:23,083
That was the day I fell
in love with parlor games,
34
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,459
and with winning.
35
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,590
I was five years old when I
first beat my father at chess.
36
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,885
Before that, I thought he was
the smartest person in the world.
37
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:38,348
Broke my heart to
learn that I was,
38
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,143
that no one would beat me
for the rest of my life.
39
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,395
What fun is that?
40
00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,024
The problem for most rich people
is that there's no amount of money
41
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,650
that can make 'em
stop wanting more.
42
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,486
Money's a game, and
they love to win.
43
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:54,531
I know people see me as a rich guy,
but I barely even think about money,
44
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,033
which is why I'm so normal.
45
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,910
-[phone chiming]
-Alright, good.
46
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,204
Take that. Throw the ball.
47
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,664
-[dog barking]
-[guard] Go get it.
48
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,041
[barking]
49
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,876
It's great getting
out with the pup.
50
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,961
-[dog barking]
-He can't find it. Go get it.
51
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,047
[barking continues]
52
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,258
[ambient city street noise]
53
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,762
[♪ light mysterious
music playing]
54
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,309
[sighs] Not a typical
Saturday night.
55
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:25,395
I think our days of typical
nights here are behind us.
56
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,563
Let's be fast about this.
57
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,527
-Are we going to talk about...
-[glass clanking]
58
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,110
-What was that?
-[Sebastian "Bash" Steed] Maybe a rat?
59
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,445
[poker chips rattling]
60
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,447
[chips clacking]
61
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,075
[♪ Tense suspenseful
music playing]
62
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,161
Who's in here?
63
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:44,498
[♪ Suspenseful music continues]
64
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,250
[door closes]
65
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,089
Why are the richest people
in the world in our basement?
66
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,049
And did they kill our doorman?
67
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,467
-[phone dings]
-Find out next season on...
68
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,552
Oh, I'm taking a panorama.
69
00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,639
[♪ Suspenseful music
continues playing]
70
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,933
[secret closet
door rattling shut]
71
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:08,397
[♪ lively theme song playing]
72
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,355
[♪ Theme song concludes]
73
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,108
-[♪ light mysterious music playing]
-[door opens]
74
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:55,444
[birds twittering]
75
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,614
Jay Pflug has a bandaged
nub, and we have a finger.
76
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:03,493
I don't think it's a huge leap to
assume that our finger goes on his nub.
77
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,788
Oh, he's definitely a suspect.
At the least, he was involved.
78
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:09,040
Maybe the cleaver that
was in Nicky's chest
79
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,542
also chopped off Jay's finger.
80
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,294
And Lester was down there.
Maybe he saw something
81
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,837
-he shouldn't have.
-[robot] Hello.
82
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,547
[electronic beeping]
83
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:16,840
What the hell?
84
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,341
I'm LESTR.
85
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,470
Aw, look how moved everyone is.
86
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,221
Meet our new
doorman. We named him
87
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,098
after the dead one, in tribute.
88
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,434
L-E-S-T-R.
89
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:31,146
Logic Engineered
Secure Tenant Robot.
90
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,981
Those words don't even
make sense together.
91
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,233
They're trying to trick us
into thinking it's a tribute
92
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:38,028
-instead of the rise of the machine.
-[LESTR robot] That's true.
93
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,323
My greatest challenge is my
unsettling effect on humans.
94
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:44,576
Well, I've seen The Terminator,
so I'm on Team Machine.
95
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,163
As the keeper of the building's secrets,
the board hired me to train LESTR.
96
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,249
This is so sad. A robot doorman.
97
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,668
The beginning of the
end of old New York.
98
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,295
-No!
-[pen clatters]
99
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:59,925
See, the machine will just handle
things like deliveries or reminders.
100
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,010
Thanks to the
union... my union...
101
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,387
there will always be a
human face at the door.
102
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,432
Just, hopefully this human.
103
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,143
He's right. We couldn't
get rid of him.
104
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:13,855
[LESTR robot] I just need to scan
everyone's iris and fingerprint.
105
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,775
That thing's not getting
anywhere near my irises.
106
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,444
-[electronic whirring]
-Alright, I'm gonna get my hair done.
107
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,113
God knows why, since
nobody ever notices.
108
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,994
What's happening to our
sweet little murder building?
109
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,581
Yeah. Things are changing fast.
110
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:33,959
[shoes squeaking]
111
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,545
-Are you doing toe raises?
-Yeah, I do toe raises.
112
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,213
I've never seen
you do a toe raise.
113
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,674
Have you ever seen me brush
my teeth? I do that too.
114
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,259
[elevator dings]
115
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,553
[♪ light plucky music playing]
116
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,763
[Mabel sighs]
117
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,976
I took Winnie's doggy
Ritalin, stayed up all night,
118
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:54,145
-and basically solved this.
-You two are a lot for me today.
119
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,647
-Vince.
-What are you doing here?
120
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,607
And look at you with two eyes.
121
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,777
Hiya, guys. Lester and
I were birding buddies.
122
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,405
So, Oliver invited me up
here to decode the ledger,
123
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,574
figure out which one of
the birds was playing cards
124
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,909
-on the night that he died.
-You birded with Lester?
125
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,452
Well, he was the expert,
126
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,413
I just followed along
to keep him honest.
127
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,166
He had a knack for turning
a robin into a bushtit...
128
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,835
[chuckles] ...if you
know what I mean.
129
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,461
No one has any
idea what you mean.
130
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,046
Well, he was an optimist.
131
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,049
Very good at life,
but not so at birding.
132
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,261
But I miss him. I miss
our days in the park.
133
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,554
Sit, sit.
134
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:29,931
Okay.
135
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,474
[gasps dramatically]
136
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,893
[Mabel] Oh-ho, wow!
137
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:36,479
An Oliver Putnam murder
board. Love the sari.
138
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,316
Yeah, from my '70s
Rajneesh days.
139
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,067
Please let that be a hash stain.
140
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:44,112
That's a lot of work.
Oliver, what happened to you?
141
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,406
Well, I thought about what
you said to me the other day
142
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,700
when you complimented
me. What'd you call me?
143
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,536
-Self-centered narcissist.
-[Oliver] Yes, that... that was it.
144
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,538
Anyway, I heard it.
145
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:57,125
So, last night, as I lay
there thinking about myself...
146
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,878
the strangest thing happened.
147
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,588
I suddenly thought about you
148
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,174
and how you always
make the murder boards.
149
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,594
So, I thought to myself,
I'll do it, for you.
150
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,220
Bravo, Oliver. Bravo.
151
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,139
-What growth.
-Okay.
152
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,724
We did solve one mystery:
153
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,352
why Lester wrote down
the player's names
154
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,479
using a secret bird code.
155
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,189
They're the most powerful
people in the world.
156
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,107
He was scared of them.
157
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,736
Somebody be recordin', because I
am about to get birdie with it.
158
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,655
-[recorder dings]
-Per Lester's notes,
159
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:30,700
the gaming parlor usually
hosted a whole flock of birds.
160
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,494
But last Saturday,
161
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:33,620
there were only five.
162
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,247
Now, first, Nicky.
163
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,375
He is the Brown-headed cowbird,
164
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:42,671
known for their mafia-like
retaliatory behavior.
165
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,714
[mimics Brown-headed
cowbird call]
166
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,424
-[shouting caw]
-Oof! Okay, 'kay, 'kay,
167
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,759
you don't have to do the calls.
168
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,552
Well, it sounds like
a mobster, doesn't it?
169
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:53,223
Next, Jay Pflug, heir
to the Pflug fortune,
170
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,977
maker of Pflug faucets, which
gave everybody lead poisoning.
171
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,270
So, they founded Pflug Pharma,
172
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,649
which invented a medicine
to cure lead poisoning.
173
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,234
Made billions.
174
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,946
He branded himself as, uh, this
black sheep philanthropist,
175
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,990
but the guy is a monster.
176
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:13,284
His last nonprofit funneled
money to guerrilla groups.
177
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,203
The terrorists,
not the primates.
178
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,622
L-Let's... let's
keep it on birds.
179
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,040
He's the Eurasian Jay.
180
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,250
[mimics Eurasian jay call]
181
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,961
-[Charles and Vince mimicking loudly]
-[both laughing]
182
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,170
I, too, get my bird on.
183
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,881
Okay, lotta new colors on you.
184
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:31,761
Anyway, since the Jay
bird is missing a claw...
185
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,805
No, I'm sorry, I'm done.
186
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,765
He's missing a finger,
so, it's obviously...
187
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,976
No, no, no. We're not done.
188
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,185
Bash Steed.
189
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,313
AI genius, longevity freak.
190
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,941
Way older than he looks,
but no one knows how old
191
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,317
because he owns the internet.
192
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,361
Now, I have to find
out how old he is.
193
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,655
He is the kākāpō.
194
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,033
[mimics kākāpō gulping call]
195
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,703
They are known to live up
to 90 years in the wild.
196
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,122
And finally, Camila White.
197
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,500
Lifestyle queen, hotel magnate,
198
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,377
duchess of cashmere.
199
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,589
You can buy a candle that smells
like the inside of her nose.
200
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,966
She is the queen of decor.
201
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,803
The bowerbird, maker
of beautiful nests.
202
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,556
[Vince and Charles
mimicking bowerbird call]
203
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,682
[screeching] Ah!
204
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:22,520
Okay, anyways, there's a
finger in Charles's freezer
205
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,731
and we have a suspect
missing a finger.
206
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,942
So, how do we get to Jay?
207
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,195
[Oliver sighs]
208
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:33,073
-We let him know we're onto him.
-[Oliver] Ahh.
209
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:34,991
Yes.
210
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,494
[Oliver] [on computer] And while we
here at Only Murders in the Building
211
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,955
-aren't pointing fingers just yet...
-[♪ podcast theme music playing]
212
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:44,125
...we're wading into the dangerous
waters of both old mob and new.
213
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,794
[Charles-Haden Savage]
Uber rich powerbrokers
214
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,879
who don't have to break an
arm to get what they want.
215
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,464
They just write a check.
216
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,091
[Mabel] No one writes
checks anymore.
217
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,594
[Charles] We already have some
ideas about who has a partial hand
218
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,722
in these two deaths, so
don't miss season five.
219
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,099
This is so good.
220
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,684
Oh, we're definitely
gonna hear from him.
221
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,143
He'll wanna defend himself.
222
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,853
-Post, young one!
-[computer key clicks]
223
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,231
I do wish we'd worked
in the word "phalange."
224
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:10,110
Okay, for the last time, Charles,
phalange-thropist is not a good pun.
225
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,486
-That's funny.
-[Oliver sighs]
226
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,655
-To you.
-[Oliver] Mm.
227
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,492
[birds cawing, wings fluttering]
228
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,746
[elevator dings]
229
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,081
Oh, my God, hi!
230
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,874
Althea... THĒ.
231
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,501
Um, this is Oliver.
232
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,921
-Oh, hello. How are you?
-Hi. Cute pillows.
233
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,674
Yes, I'm bequeathing them to
young Mabel for her new apartment.
234
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,843
That is so kind of you.
235
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:39,764
I mean, I could buy myself pillows,
it's just, these are vintage Missoni.
236
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,975
THĒ! Hi!
237
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,102
-Howard Morris.
-[both chuckles]
238
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,437
[whispering] That's THĒ.
239
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,022
-Uh, hello, Howard.
-Hi.
240
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,775
[LESTR robot] THĒ is the number
one most downloaded artist...
241
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,527
-[THĒ chuckles]
-...for 13 weeks in a row.
242
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,029
-[Howard giggles]
-Here's her current hit.
243
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,531
-[♪ Upbeat pop music playing]
-♪ Oh, that's cute ♪
244
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,951
-♪ You're thinking 'bout me all day ♪
-Oh, excuse me, pardon me. Ah!
245
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,412
Glamorous! Okay.
246
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,122
[laughing] Oh, my God, stop it!
247
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,624
-[♪ Music stops abruptly]
-Wait, why did it stop?
248
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,918
Oh, I'm just...
I'm just kidding.
249
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,255
Anyway, Mabel, how are you?
How's your little podcast going?
250
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:16,009
Great. We dropped our season
five teaser a few days ago.
251
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,178
[LESTR robot] Their
listens are 24% lower
252
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,055
-than their season four teaser.
-[voice distorting]
253
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:24,267
Oh, did you all hear the new
podcast Drunk Sluts Do Murder?
254
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,394
Oh, my God, yes.
I love the sluts.
255
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,605
-Do people say "slut" again?
-Sluts do.
256
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,773
Did you hear the one where
they play strip beer pong
257
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,734
-with the forensics expert?
-Beyond.
258
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,486
-[kiss smacking]
-[LESTR robot] Drunk Sluts Do Murder
259
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,446
are ranked 19 spots higher
than Only Murders...
260
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,656
No. No, don't feel bad.
261
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,575
Don't feel bad. It's just
'cause Wondify is, like,
262
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,452
shoving the sluts down
our throats, you know?
263
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,538
It's so hard to get noticed
when you're indie, right?
264
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:49,083
We actually just signed
a huge deal at Wondify.
265
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:52,170
So, be prepared to have
us down your throats, too.
266
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,922
We did?
267
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,965
I mean, I... I still
can't believe it.
268
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,052
That is amazing! Oh my God,
so you know what you need?
269
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,970
You need my publicist.
He's so intuitive.
270
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,389
-[elevator dings]
-He's psychic, and he's a hired assassin.
271
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,725
But you did not hear that
from me, okay? [laughing]
272
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,352
Bye, Howard! Bye, robot.
273
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,686
-Bye, girl!
-Bye, girl.
274
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,731
[Mabel scoffs]
275
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:17,070
So, I lied, but maybe
that's not a bad thing,
276
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:20,323
because now I'm sending
in this kick-ass pitch,
277
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,784
and they'll offer us
a podcast deal, right?
278
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,953
I mean, there's already
a movie about us,
279
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,830
and I... I'm, you
know, just shocked
280
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:31,000
that they haven't come
to us already, you know?
281
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,253
Mabel, why did you do this?
282
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,089
Okay, fine.
283
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:40,093
Althea and I were each other's
only friend in middle school.
284
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,096
I trusted her with everything.
285
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,223
And we'd make these
stupid little videos
286
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,142
where we'd play these
characters, Sunny and Cloudy.
287
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:51,354
Sunny was optimistic.
Cloudy was, well, cloudy.
288
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,731
-And you were Cloudy.
-No, I was Sunny.
289
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,525
[laughing] Oh, so
that's the joke.
290
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,152
-What do you mean?
-Uh, just continue.
291
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,948
Anyway, then when Zoe died...
292
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,034
Zoe... is a familiar name.
293
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,204
Oliver, Mabel's
friend. The roof.
294
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,206
Oh, from season one!
295
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,916
Oh, my God, that was so sad.
296
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,211
Yeah, well, I... I
wasn't doing that great.
297
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:19,173
I stayed here for the
summer and depressed.
298
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,428
And then, when I went home,
Althea had completely changed.
299
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:27,015
She had made all new friends
and turned everyone against me.
300
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:30,810
I kind of spiraled and spent
the rest of high school
301
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,478
in my room with Tumblr.
302
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,105
That's a pornography site.
303
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,316
Not anymore. They ruined it.
304
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:41,029
Well, now, the person who has
turned me off having friends...
305
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,906
-[phones buzzing and chiming]
-...is here at number one
306
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,199
while we are 32, and...
307
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,537
Um, are my old-men friends
texting while I trauma dump?
308
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,081
Jay Pflug just sent us a video.
309
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,541
[♪ Intriguing music playing]
310
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,710
Hey, podcasters,
heard your teaser.
311
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:59,547
Sounds like you have some thoughts.
I'll be by at 7:00 to clear things up.
312
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,091
-[gong ringing]
-Oh, shit.
313
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,594
[humming] Om...
314
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,513
-[video stopping]
-A billionaire is coming to dinner.
315
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,016
[phone lock clicks]
316
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,936
[♪ Dramatic orchestra
music playing]
317
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:17,023
Champagne, caviar, Godiva.
318
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,192
This is what you're serving
a billionaire for dinner?
319
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,943
No, no, no, we
don't serve dinner.
320
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,321
We serve salty sweets
to make him thirsty,
321
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,406
then offer him nothing
to drink but bubbly.
322
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,992
He'll get blackout and tell
us everything. This is my way.
323
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:32,622
Yes, let's get a possible murderer
hangry and drunk. Great plan.
324
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,125
If you invite someone over at
7:00, you have to serve 'em dinner.
325
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,044
It's a rule of society.
And that's why I brought...
326
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,255
What is that, the Magna Carta?
327
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,008
No, it's my great-gran's
recipe for duck à I'orange.
328
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,802
It's a billionaire's delight.
329
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,638
Charles, no one needs your
17th-century old lady food
330
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,390
and outdated social rules.
331
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,059
Do you know how many billionaires
I've entertained here?
332
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,896
Well, technically none,
but plenty of millionaires,
333
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,731
which were the
billionaires of the '80s.
334
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,734
Alright, we are interrogating,
not entertaining.
335
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,320
Ah, yeah, but you need
one for the other.
336
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,279
This is one of the
richest people on Earth.
337
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,865
He wants courses.
Many, many courses.
338
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,451
-Etiquette is not dead.
-I think etiquette died
339
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,662
four months after the
internet was invented,
340
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,915
and that guy's head went
into an elephant's ass.
341
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,792
-Ah, well.
-[knocking at door]
342
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,502
[whispering] He's early.
He's an early bird.
343
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,920
[Oliver] [whispering]
Okay, okay.
344
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,466
Oh, Jay, welcome. Come in.
345
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,009
I come bearing gifts.
346
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,386
-Ah.
-Never show up empty-handed.
347
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,764
Though, I'm a little handicapped,
if you don't mind grabbing that.
348
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,766
Oh-ho. Beer, how generous.
349
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,896
Ah, stoked to meet you all.
350
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,984
One of the reasons why I play cards here
is because it's the murder building,
351
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,695
and that is all because of you.
352
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,239
Well, we give a lot of
credit to the murderers.
353
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:52,243
Say, so, uh, what has you playing
cards in our famous Velvet Room?
354
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,163
-You know, I started a few months ago...
-[doorbell ringing]
355
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,582
-[scoffs]
-[sighs]
356
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:03,212
Man, I knew I was
being followed.
357
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,297
[sighs]
358
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,634
Good evening. Camila White.
359
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,720
[♪ Plucky curious music playing]
360
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:15,266
Oh, isn't this an assaulting
amount of everything?
361
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,268
[sighs deeply]
362
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,352
Better.
363
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,233
Oh, my goodness.
364
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,861
Jay, is that you?
365
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:29,614
-I had no idea you'd be here.
-Mm-hmm.
366
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,866
Well, I heard the podcast, and
it seemed like these people
367
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,035
thought you were involved
in the mob killing.
368
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:37,497
Camila White,
charmed. Camila White.
369
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,833
Oh, dear God. A plum plaid.
370
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,087
So, I'm here to
clear Jay's name.
371
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,381
Fuck off, Camila, I'm
here to clear my name.
372
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,259
You were worried about
what I'd say about you.
373
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,636
That is certainly not true,
374
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:55,431
and I don't like the ugly use
of words that end in hard Ks.
375
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,058
Shall we begin again?
376
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,976
-Softer consonants?
-[doorbell ringing]
377
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,979
[whispering] Our host
brought four chocolates.
378
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,859
Hello. Sebastian Steed.
379
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,113
No... I'd invite you in
if I had more chocolates.
380
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,823
[Oliver sighs]
381
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,827
Oh, my God. You're spying on us.
382
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,431
Of course he is, he
owns the internet.
383
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,957
Just stopping by
for a drink, Bash?
384
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,460
No. I'm here because
they're investigating you.
385
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,337
Naturally, I've been
having you followed.
386
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,422
I knew you'd try
to pin it on me.
387
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,175
Thanks for your
robot-like honesty.
388
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:32,385
You're welcome.
389
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,933
Well, we're really
having a party here.
390
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,268
Please, have a seat.
391
00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:41,352
[Charles] Whoo!
392
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,774
Who needs champagne?
393
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,651
-[grunting]
-[cork popping]
394
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,403
Oh, I'll have a '97 Bordeaux.
395
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,281
-I don't think I have that.
-[Camila] Oh, truly,
396
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:56,242
any '97 Bordeaux will
do. [softly chuckles]
397
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,786
I don't have any'97 Bordeaux.
398
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:05,293
So, I'm noticing three of the
richest people in the world
399
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:07,295
are here in our little building.
400
00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:09,046
I'm top three, they're top 20.
401
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,132
Sebastian, on many
lists I'm four.
402
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:14,302
Uh, the point is that you
all seem a little nervous
403
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:17,221
about what our little
investigation has uncovered.
404
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,889
No one's nervous.
405
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,809
We're all here for
one reason. Yeah?
406
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,145
Yes. To give you the opportunity
407
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:27,398
to keep us out of your podcast
before we sue you for libel.
408
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,275
[Oliver spits out
champagne, chuckles]
409
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,402
Libel, wow. [laughing]
410
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,530
Let's... let's just turn
down the temp a tad,
411
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,741
and, uh, let's
nibble some caviar...
412
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,908
-[snorts]
-[Jay crunching]
413
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,619
[Oliver] Oh.
414
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,120
[Jay Pflug] Oops. I'm so sorry.
415
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,497
There really wasn't very much.
416
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:47,251
It's not libel to say we found you
sniffing around a murder scene.
417
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,671
What do you mean?
418
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,423
The news said that
the body was found
419
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,884
hanging from a rack in
his own dry cleaners?
420
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,970
Yes, I... I don't know why
you're even looking into this.
421
00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:01,223
I mean, my people say you
do murders in the building.
422
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,893
It's an odd business model,
this "in the building" rule.
423
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,687
Your metrics would
improve with a wider net.
424
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,315
Bash, always be talking metrics.
425
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,442
Well, the dry cleaners
is on the street level,
426
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,778
so technically, it
is "of" the building.
427
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:17,073
Listen, nobody
wants to sue anyone.
428
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,742
We just can't have our names
tied to secret card games
429
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,535
-and dead mobsters, you know?
-[Camila] Mm.
430
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,413
My stock crashes,
and tens of thousands
431
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,540
of indigenous weavers go hungry.
432
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:27,833
Because she fires 'em.
433
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,336
Yes, why else would
they go hungry?
434
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:34,965
So, the three of you knew the
"Dry Cleaning King of Brooklyn"?
435
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,551
The dead mobster? Not at all.
436
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,595
I know he owned
the gaming parlor.
437
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,808
The mobby shit's always been part
of what makes the place so cool.
438
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,685
What's there to investigate?
439
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,188
A mob hit is very open and
shut. Won't be your best season.
440
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,274
Well, we're also investigating
the death of our doorman.
441
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,359
Did you know him?
442
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:58,781
I mean, there was a guy
who always covered the door
443
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,117
for the Saturday games.
Uh, gray mustache?
444
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,619
That was Lester. It was
ruled natural causes
445
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,912
because of a fall.
446
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:08,999
Yes, falls are the leading cause
of injury deaths in the elderly.
447
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:11,585
-You two, be careful.
-Our Pilates instructor says we have
448
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,629
-the gait stability of 46-year-olds.
-It's true.
449
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,131
[Bash] If you're serious
about age-reversal,
450
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,800
you have to consider
plasma replacement therapy.
451
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,678
I own a stable of
teen plasma donors.
452
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:26,016
We have reason to believe that Nicky
died last week when Lester died.
453
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,310
There were signs that
Nicky was frozen.
454
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:32,231
Someone hid his body to make it
look like they were unrelated.
455
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,900
Oh, you got your
hands on the body.
456
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:35,985
[Jay] Wow.
457
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,278
I mean, can you admit that
458
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,822
on a podcast? That's
a felony, right?
459
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,241
I'm sure they went to the
authorities immediately.
460
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,325
[Camila] Mm.
461
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,829
[♪ Soft suspenseful
music playing]
462
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,290
Mm-hmm. Um, you know what,
let's get you some more caviar.
463
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,250
-Mm. Absolutely.
-Let's get it, I think there's more caviar
464
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,335
-in the kitchen.
-I'm good.
465
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,170
-[Oliver] We definitely have bologna.
-[Charles] And, uh,
466
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,255
I think there's
a fresher bottle.
467
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:59,884
Okay, okay, okay, I was
not prepared for all three.
468
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,803
Are they making veiled
threats or being charming?
469
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:02,970
I can't tell.
470
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,765
Let's split them up and see what
they say about Jay's finger.
471
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,558
I'll take Jay because
we're not old.
472
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,811
And Charles should take Bash
because they're both, well,
473
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,771
what we used to call
"the weird kid."
474
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,148
[clicking tongue] Aw.
475
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:20,196
Camila! I... I just have
a few more questions.
476
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,989
Can I give you a tour?
477
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:23,073
Fine.
478
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:27,995
If you can stop yelling,
a tour before dinner.
479
00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,748
Dinner! I said we need dinner.
480
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,250
Of course, a party
at 7:00 means dinner.
481
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:36,128
Thank you, Bash! Gimme a hand?
482
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,215
If the servants don't mind.
483
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,176
[chuckling] Oh, the
servants aren't gonna mind.
484
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,222
[Jay] Beer?
485
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,687
So, Jay...
486
00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:55,773
[can popping]
487
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,817
How'd you lose the finger?
488
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,070
How'd those two old guys
become your best friends?
489
00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:03,864
Nice.
490
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,909
[♪ Plucky curious music playing]
491
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,327
[gasps]
492
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,664
So, how well do you know Jay?
493
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,416
Have you... have you two been
playing together for long?
494
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,710
All I know about Jay
495
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:20,005
is he has a tantrum like
a toddler when he loses...
496
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:22,716
-Ooh.
-...which is tragic and amusing.
497
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,845
I'm sorry, but every room
498
00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:28,722
-in this house needs me.
-Oh.
499
00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:32,184
Are those the Statler and
Waldorf balconies on your wall?
500
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:35,980
Ha! Well, I'm... I'm a
theater director. [chuckles]
501
00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:39,400
So, you thought, "I should put
theater directing on my walls"?
502
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:40,860
[inhales sharply]
503
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:44,864
Well, but, the... the beauty of
this place is really its stories.
504
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,991
Uh, like my ex-wife,
uh, loved these drapes,
505
00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:50,244
so I fought to keep them
out of spite. [laughing]
506
00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:52,496
Not necessarily
my finest moment,
507
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:56,750
but, uh, not all the
stories in here are great.
508
00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:01,797
[gasps] Well, this looks great.
509
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:06,010
This is great. It's my new wife.
510
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:09,805
And she moved in... to all this?
511
00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,976
Uh, well, n... Uh, not yet,
512
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:17,062
but, uh, you know, I mean...
513
00:23:17,146 --> 00:23:18,147
[food sizzling]
514
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:20,232
I love duck à I'orange.
515
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,693
During the war we only
had duck at Christmas.
516
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:24,653
Oh, and... and
which war was that?
517
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:28,198
"Three sprigs of
parsley." Uh, I'll chop.
518
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,368
[knife clinking]
519
00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:34,872
[knife banging]
520
00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:37,875
Haven't cooked in decades.
521
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:40,836
So, you haven't used a...
a cleaver in a while.
522
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,797
You know anybody else who
might have used a cleaver?
523
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,381
-Anybody?
-Isn't it interesting?
524
00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,635
None of us will leave
behind written recipes.
525
00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:50,930
Future generations will just
have bookmarks on chef robots.
526
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:53,641
Yeah, it's, uh...
it's true, it's sad.
527
00:23:53,724 --> 00:23:55,476
You know, the... the
times are changing,
528
00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:58,562
especially for us old guys in
our... How old did you say you were?
529
00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,022
That depends on the organ.
530
00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:05,986
Charles, wallowing takes
six years off your life.
531
00:24:06,070 --> 00:24:09,323
Dorothy Parker told me
that. She took my virginity.
532
00:24:09,406 --> 00:24:12,993
Point is, you're only old if
you don't change with the times.
533
00:24:13,077 --> 00:24:15,913
You know, technology's
helped me stay young.
534
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,165
But reinvention is the real key.
535
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:22,252
Yeah, that... it... it takes
a lot of energy keeping up.
536
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,421
Yeah, it does.
537
00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:27,508
Every time I've put a wife in
assisted living and had to start over,
538
00:24:27,591 --> 00:24:29,593
I've had moments of
doubt that I could do it.
539
00:24:29,677 --> 00:24:30,970
But I did.
540
00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:32,054
And you can.
541
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:34,640
Well, thank you.
542
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,977
Now, how much orange zest
goes in great-gran's...
543
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:39,061
-[knife banging]
-[yelps]
544
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,939
Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
545
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,899
[sauce simmering]
546
00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,985
My great-gran is gone!
547
00:24:46,068 --> 00:24:47,611
It's gone.
548
00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:49,530
-No!
-[phone pings]
549
00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:50,614
How much orange zest
550
00:24:50,698 --> 00:24:53,659
is in Charles-Haden Savage's
great-gran's duck à I'orange recipe?
551
00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:54,868
[phone pinging]
552
00:24:54,952 --> 00:24:56,829
[chat voice] There are
one-and-a-half teaspoons
553
00:24:56,912 --> 00:24:59,456
of orange zest in that recipe.
554
00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,250
How did it know that?
555
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:03,961
-[phone pings]
-Show me Charles-Haden Savage
556
00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:05,629
making duck à I'orange.
557
00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,924
[Regis Philbin] [on phone] That
sounds like a lot of zest, Brazzos.
558
00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:09,425
[Charles] I'm zesty, Regis.
559
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,051
Yes, you're a
multi-talented guy.
560
00:25:11,135 --> 00:25:13,346
I admire guys like that, that
could do more than one thing.
561
00:25:13,429 --> 00:25:15,014
-I just revel in it.
-[audience laughter]
562
00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:17,350
Probably in ten minutes, something
unbelievable is gonna happen.
563
00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:20,519
[Regis] Why do I think it's gonna
be me making your duck à I'orange?
564
00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:22,688
[Charles] Well, Regis,
because you're psychic.
565
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:23,981
We're gonna take
a commercial break
566
00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:26,233
-and make it happen in the next segment.
-[audience applauding]
567
00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:27,359
[video stops]
568
00:25:27,443 --> 00:25:29,528
I forgot I did that.
569
00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:31,572
My great-gran lives on.
570
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:32,656
Thank you.
571
00:25:33,574 --> 00:25:35,576
This is why I do what I do.
572
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:39,747
In the right hands, technology should
keep the past alive, preserved,
573
00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:43,333
like I'm preserved every night
floating in my tank of collagen.
574
00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,753
[knife banging]
575
00:25:45,836 --> 00:25:48,839
-I also had a sad home.
-[Oliver] Ah.
576
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:50,674
My first one.
577
00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:53,677
A young girl with a
deep love of beauty,
578
00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:57,514
born to a casino magnate and
his former showgirl wife,
579
00:25:57,598 --> 00:26:00,350
raised amidst a sea of hot pink
580
00:26:00,434 --> 00:26:02,269
in Reno.
581
00:26:02,352 --> 00:26:03,812
Eww, so sorry.
582
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:06,482
The moment I turned 18,
583
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:09,610
I moved... to Connecticut.
584
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,779
-Oh.
-Leaving that home
585
00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:14,114
jump-started my mission
to beautify the world,
586
00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:16,784
and it turned me
into a billionaire.
587
00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:20,204
-[gasps softly]
-And I started with nothing.
588
00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:24,833
So, are... are you
saying that Loretta and I
589
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:27,127
should start fresh?
Get a new place?
590
00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:30,506
-These bones are remarkable.
-Ah.
591
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:33,842
You just need to
change everything.
592
00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:38,597
-[can popping]
-[Jay sighs]
593
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,183
[Mabel] So, uh,
come on, the finger?
594
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:42,476
I gotta know.
595
00:26:42,559 --> 00:26:43,560
[sighs]
596
00:26:43,644 --> 00:26:46,230
The only crime I'm guilty of is
being an embarrassing nepo baby
597
00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:50,400
who's trying to do some good
with his ancestors' blood money.
598
00:26:50,484 --> 00:26:51,860
Yeah, and how's that going?
599
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:55,280
I started my own
nonprofit, hired a CEO,
600
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:59,284
a friend of mine I trusted,
who then took all the money.
601
00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:01,036
Everyone thinks I'm a swindler,
602
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,622
but really, I'm just shit
at knowing who to trust.
603
00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:06,959
I'm sure it'll happen again.
604
00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:08,585
Then, why keep trying?
605
00:27:11,213 --> 00:27:15,134
Because I wanna prove to everyone
that I'm not a... fuck up.
606
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:20,430
[sighs deeply]
607
00:27:20,514 --> 00:27:24,852
Are you aware of the
pop sensation THĒ?
608
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:28,522
Uh, the "The" girl? Yeah, why?
609
00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:32,442
She is someone I
incorrectly trusted.
610
00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:36,738
She couldn't be
more frustrating,
611
00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:40,826
and I... I can't stop
wanting to impress her.
612
00:27:40,909 --> 00:27:45,372
So, I lied and said we were
getting a deal at Wondify,
613
00:27:45,455 --> 00:27:46,832
and we aren't.
614
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:49,251
So, now I have to try
to make that happen.
615
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:50,961
I'm sure it won't.
616
00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:53,714
And I hate myself for that.
617
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:57,342
[singing] ♪ Wish that you were me,
bet you wish that you were me ♪
618
00:27:57,426 --> 00:27:59,136
-I will literally kill you.
-[Jay laughs]
619
00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:01,096
She wrote that, I
feel like, about me.
620
00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,931
[Jay] It's really
good. It's catchy.
621
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:08,353
I was playing with these
bozos the night Nicky died,
622
00:28:08,437 --> 00:28:10,230
but I did not kill anyone.
623
00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:13,358
So, what happened
with your finger?
624
00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:19,740
Just another bad decision in
a long line of bad decisions.
625
00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:22,826
[♪ Bubbly music playing]
626
00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:26,747
[Oliver] While we
have a quiet moment,
627
00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:30,209
I wanna help you make sure you
stay out of our little story.
628
00:28:31,001 --> 00:28:33,378
But what happened
to Jay's finger?
629
00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:36,882
Fine.
630
00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:40,219
The night Lester died,
631
00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:42,888
Nicky showed up
with this cleaver.
632
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:44,181
[knife banging]
633
00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:46,099
Wa... Was he mad at
someone? Maybe Jay?
634
00:28:46,183 --> 00:28:50,354
He was livid and raving
about the film "Goodfellows"?
635
00:28:50,437 --> 00:28:53,857
He had an inordinate
amount of white powder
636
00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,484
under his nose.
637
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:58,237
I'd call it a Snow White white,
638
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,281
or perhaps a
Santa's beard white.
639
00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,699
He was nuts.
640
00:29:02,783 --> 00:29:04,952
He was gonna hit someone.
I tried to stop him.
641
00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:07,037
I mean, Bash is
covered in baby skin,
642
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,580
but he's pretty old.
643
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:11,792
Well, I tried to calm him down,
but Jay had to be the hero,
644
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:14,294
and so Nicky... "chh!"...
chopped off his finger.
645
00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:15,379
[stifled chuckle]
646
00:29:15,879 --> 00:29:18,465
I obviously left
because of the mess.
647
00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:22,219
And also, it's rude to be the
last to leave a party, so...
648
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:26,223
I told Jay not to escalate, but
chop-chop. Then we all ran out.
649
00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:29,351
There wasn't time to look for
it, which is why I went back.
650
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,730
It'd be nice not to have a
finger floating around, ya know?
651
00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:34,315
You didn't happen to see
it in there, did you?
652
00:29:34,398 --> 00:29:36,066
-[door opens]
-[oven chimes]
653
00:29:36,149 --> 00:29:37,943
Okay. Duck à I'orange
654
00:29:38,026 --> 00:29:39,945
is ready in two
hours and 45 minutes.
655
00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:42,489
-Who's hungry?
-I don't eat after 11 a.m.,
656
00:29:42,572 --> 00:29:44,533
but have we answered
all your questions?
657
00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:47,869
Well, yes, I learned that
Nicky chopped off Jay's finger,
658
00:29:47,953 --> 00:29:51,373
and then Bash, Camila,
and Jay ran out.
659
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:53,667
-[Mabel] Yeah, that's what Jay said.
-[Oliver] And Lester and Nicky
660
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:55,043
were still alive, so...
661
00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:57,796
Huh, look at you two not
lying to pin it on me.
662
00:29:57,879 --> 00:30:00,340
-You do care.
-Case closed.
663
00:30:00,424 --> 00:30:02,050
And now that we've
cleared this up,
664
00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:05,178
I trust I won't hear my
name on future episodes.
665
00:30:05,262 --> 00:30:08,890
Okay, duck à I'orange in
two hours and 44 minutes.
666
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:11,351
Ah. [sucking teeth] Next time.
667
00:30:11,435 --> 00:30:14,646
Forgot I have some friends coming
over to do some rock climbing.
668
00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:16,273
Mabel...
669
00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:17,357
thanks.
670
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:19,943
It was a really nice talk.
671
00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:26,491
Touching food
again was pleasant.
672
00:30:26,575 --> 00:30:28,493
[door opens]
673
00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:30,078
Enjoy the remodel.
674
00:30:31,330 --> 00:30:32,748
[Oliver] Wait, what remodel?
675
00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:36,209
[♪ light music playing]
676
00:30:36,293 --> 00:30:37,294
[door closes]
677
00:30:38,462 --> 00:30:40,839
Wow, this really is much better.
678
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:42,507
[Charles] How did we
not hear anything?
679
00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:44,885
She's a home decor witch!
680
00:30:46,595 --> 00:30:47,596
[Mabel sighs]
681
00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:51,391
[cutlery clinking]
682
00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,728
[mouth full] This is
better. The hot glue fumes
683
00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:57,397
from my apartment
jump-started my hangover.
684
00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:59,149
Does champagne expire?
685
00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:01,735
Oh, you should really
lay off the alcohol.
686
00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:04,279
Uh, Bash says it
inflames your enzymes.
687
00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:06,406
Now, which war would
you think was going on
688
00:31:06,490 --> 00:31:09,159
when Dorothy Parker was
in her sexual prime?
689
00:31:09,242 --> 00:31:11,286
First sexual prime, or second?
690
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:15,165
How crazy is it that we have Jay
Pflug's finger in your freezer?
691
00:31:15,248 --> 00:31:17,084
At least we figured that out.
692
00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:20,045
So, we're gonna
believe these three?
693
00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:22,255
Oh, please, Camila is no killer.
694
00:31:22,339 --> 00:31:25,300
Although, I felt like I was
spending a couple of hours
695
00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:28,970
with a cross between Ann-Margret and
Nanette Fabray, so I almost died.
696
00:31:29,054 --> 00:31:30,972
[laughing, barking]
697
00:31:32,599 --> 00:31:33,892
Jay didn't do it.
698
00:31:33,975 --> 00:31:35,977
He was just trying
to protect everyone.
699
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:39,731
He's, um... sweeter
than I expected.
700
00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:41,066
Mabel...
701
00:31:42,234 --> 00:31:44,069
did your eyelashes just flutter?
702
00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:47,489
Oliver, Jay makes Mabel's
eyelashes flutter.
703
00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:50,367
No, I'm n... Shut up,
I'm not fluttering.
704
00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:53,620
It's just maybe we should
give him his finger back.
705
00:31:53,703 --> 00:31:55,664
Crushing on a suspect, Mabel?
706
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,541
This is really a
Charles storyline,
707
00:31:57,624 --> 00:31:58,834
-isn't it?
-Ugh.
708
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,753
-[email notification chimes]
-If both of you couple up,
709
00:32:00,836 --> 00:32:04,548
that leaves me birding with Vince,
or getting a drink with a robot.
710
00:32:04,631 --> 00:32:07,676
[gasps] Oh, my God, you guys,
Wondify wants to sign us.
711
00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:09,761
-[gasps]
-They said that they would love to have us
712
00:32:09,845 --> 00:32:13,056
come see the studio and become
part of the Wondify family.
713
00:32:13,140 --> 00:32:14,391
-Your email worked!
-You're kidding.
714
00:32:14,474 --> 00:32:16,059
Oh, take that, THĒ.
715
00:32:16,143 --> 00:32:18,562
[in valley girl accent] Whoa,
wish that you were us, bitch!
716
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:20,356
[normal] Whoa, I didn't
mean for that to come out.
717
00:32:20,439 --> 00:32:22,691
Wish that you were us, ma'am.
718
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:25,569
-I'm very excited.
-[chuckles] Me too.
719
00:32:25,652 --> 00:32:27,863
[♪ Bright upbeat music playing]
720
00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:29,114
[elevator dings]
721
00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:31,324
-[people chattering]
-[office phones ringing]
722
00:32:31,408 --> 00:32:34,536
[clapping] Welcome, OMITB!
723
00:32:34,619 --> 00:32:36,788
Congratulations, you have
a beautiful baby podcast.
724
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:38,248
Oh, we're so excited.
725
00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:40,750
Let me give you a tour,
okay? I love the stripes.
726
00:32:40,834 --> 00:32:42,252
-[Oliver] Oh, thanks.
-It's fab.
727
00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:45,088
Some of our smaller
studios are that way.
728
00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:48,383
Oh, you're gonna love this.
Those are the Drunk Sluts.
729
00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:51,094
Such champs, recorded
seven episodes today.
730
00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:52,554
-[knocking]
-[Drunk Slut 1] Oh my God...
731
00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:54,264
You're killin' it, ladies!
732
00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:55,682
-[Drunk Slut 1] Hi!
-[Drunk Slut 2] Ah!
733
00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:56,766
[podcast executive] Okay.
734
00:32:56,850 --> 00:32:57,934
[muffled chatter]
735
00:32:58,018 --> 00:33:00,687
-This is your studio.
-[Charles ] Whoa. What?
736
00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:02,314
-[chuckles]
-[laughing] Oh, really?
737
00:33:02,397 --> 00:33:03,440
-Okay.
-Yeah.
738
00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:05,066
-Oh, my God.
-[Charles laughing]
739
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:06,985
-Yeah. Mm-hmm.
-[Charles] Thank you. Oh, water.
740
00:33:07,068 --> 00:33:08,653
[Oliver] Hello, how are you?
741
00:33:08,737 --> 00:33:10,239
-[executive] Oh, your camera operator.
-Hi.
742
00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:11,823
-[executive] Your engineer.
-Hi.
743
00:33:11,907 --> 00:33:13,200
-[Mabel] Hi.
-Look at the awards.
744
00:33:13,283 --> 00:33:15,911
-It's insane.
-Okay, uh, this'll do. [chuckles]
745
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:16,995
[executive] Okay.
746
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:20,248
So, per the contract,
we'll relaunch you
747
00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,834
with a month-long stint
on our welcome page.
748
00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:25,045
-[Charles] Uh-huh.
-I told your lawyer between makeup lines
749
00:33:25,128 --> 00:33:27,589
and elder safety devices, you're
an advertising juggernaut.
750
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,259
Well, the timing
couldn't be better.
751
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:32,260
I mean, considering who
we're investigating,
752
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:35,096
we could use a little
extra firepower.
753
00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:37,098
And it's a cast of
characters you dream of.
754
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,392
You know, an... an
adulterous mob wife.
755
00:33:39,476 --> 00:33:41,853
Sebastian Steed and Camila
White running for their lives
756
00:33:41,937 --> 00:33:44,105
after a mobster chops
off Jay Pflug's finger.
757
00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:47,734
Incredible. Just one thing...
758
00:33:47,817 --> 00:33:49,361
[Mabel] Sorry. Guys?
759
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,323
Which way do your
pointers curve?
760
00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:56,660
They point away from each other.
761
00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:58,343
-Huh, never noticed that.
-[Oliver] Yeah.
762
00:33:59,287 --> 00:34:01,164
Jay lost his right finger.
763
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,668
The finger we have curves left.
764
00:34:05,961 --> 00:34:07,546
That lying piece of shit.
765
00:34:07,629 --> 00:34:10,131
-This isn't his finger.
-So, who... Whose finger is it?
766
00:34:10,215 --> 00:34:12,134
You mean, they were lying when
they told us what happened?
767
00:34:12,217 --> 00:34:13,760
[Oliver] They had gotten
their stories straight.
768
00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:16,263
Someone else was in
the room that night,
769
00:34:16,346 --> 00:34:19,224
someone that Lester didn't
put in his little bird ledger.
770
00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:21,101
Well, I'm ready to
start recording.
771
00:34:21,184 --> 00:34:23,478
I'm gonna take that
little nepo baby down.
772
00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,188
Wow, what a twist.
773
00:34:25,272 --> 00:34:28,316
Just keep in mind the restrictions of
the corporate machine we have here.
774
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,026
Sorry? What restrictions?
775
00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:32,028
Well, per the contract
you just signed,
776
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,447
you're unable to podcast about
management of the company.
777
00:34:34,531 --> 00:34:36,199
Conflict of interest.
778
00:34:36,283 --> 00:34:39,536
And we have new majority
stakeholders as of very recently.
779
00:34:40,453 --> 00:34:42,497
Um, who?
780
00:34:42,581 --> 00:34:45,584
[♪ Dramatic suspenseful
music playing]
781
00:34:54,384 --> 00:34:56,595
[Camila] The easiest
way to win a game
782
00:34:56,678 --> 00:34:58,555
is to make your opponent
think they're playing
783
00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:00,640
a different game entirely.
784
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:05,186
-I confided in Jay.
-They joined forces.
785
00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:07,022
They're all dirty.
786
00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:09,065
[Bash] While focused
on that game,
787
00:35:09,149 --> 00:35:11,735
your opponent may give
you just what you need
788
00:35:11,818 --> 00:35:13,695
to win the real prize.
789
00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:16,990
Oh God, don't worry.
790
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:20,243
If eliminating those three takes
the teeth out of this story,
791
00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:23,580
your deal can be rolled to
any other podcast ideas.
792
00:35:23,663 --> 00:35:25,999
You know, you're family now,
793
00:35:26,082 --> 00:35:29,252
and will remain exclusively
so for three years.
794
00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:32,339
[♪ Dramatic suspenseful
music continues playing]
795
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,596
By the time they realize
what you've done...
796
00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:43,016
game's over.
797
00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:45,393
[elevator doors thud]
798
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:49,564
[♪ light mysterious
music playing]
799
00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:39,656
[♪ Music stops]
800
00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:42,659
[♪ Fanfare playing]
62238
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