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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,839 --> 00:00:20,260 For some kids, the crisis line is the only place they can get help with family 2 00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:24,580 issues, school problems and questions about sex. 3 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:32,320 Their identities are kept secret, so they feel okay about speaking 4 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,680 Beautiful women are waiting to talk to you now. 5 00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:41,500 Yeah. It could be the most satisfying school experience you'll have. 6 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,080 Any volunteers to work the phones? 7 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,940 Beavis and Butthead, what a nice surprise. 8 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:50,780 Yeah. 9 00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:55,319 Yes. Yeah. 10 00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:57,180 Rock. 11 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,360 Hey, buddy, doesn't this song have another video? 12 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:01,700 Yeah. 13 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,599 This song is so good, they had to do it twice. 14 00:01:05,180 --> 00:01:06,180 Really? 15 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:08,220 Muggle. 16 00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:10,980 Tell your children not to walk my way. 17 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,020 Tell them not to. 18 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,000 Tell them not to. 19 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,120 Mean I say. 20 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,100 Muggle. 21 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,460 I heard this dude can, like, bench press 140. 22 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:29,800 Whoa, that's pretty good. 23 00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:32,660 Maybe he'll be in the 200 club someday. 24 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,920 Settle down, Danzig. 25 00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:45,340 I wonder what this guy does, like, you know, when he's not doing this. 26 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,260 I bet he just scores with kicks and then, like, just fights a lot. 27 00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:50,660 Yeah. 28 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:57,420 I wonder who would win in a fight between Danzig and, uh... Ronaldo? 29 00:01:57,940 --> 00:01:58,940 No. 30 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,600 Danny Bonaduce? Yeah. 31 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,820 Bonaduce would kick ass. 32 00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:06,860 Bonaduce? Bonaduce? 33 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,880 What's he doing? 34 00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:14,600 Yeah. He was, like, shaking his hips back and forth like a little worthy. 35 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,680 Yeah. That little dance isn't very cool. 36 00:02:29,779 --> 00:02:32,800 Now remember, the kids who call are in pain. 37 00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:34,320 They need a friend. 38 00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:38,300 Someone who will just listen to their private fantasies. 39 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:43,880 The most important thing they need is compassion without judgment, okay? 40 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,060 I know you fellas will be great. 41 00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:51,440 Oh, and guys, try to make a conscious effort to be more polite, okay? 42 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,440 to the women. 43 00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:57,020 Uh, 44 00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,480 hello? 45 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,740 Yeah, um, all the other girls are growing breasts. 46 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,240 Mine aren't growing. 47 00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,260 Is there something wrong with me? 48 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,620 Hey, Beavis, this chick's flat. 49 00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:19,860 Yeah? 50 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,080 I... Sometimes I wet the bed. 51 00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:25,040 Is that, like, normal? 52 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,220 What happens when I get married? 53 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,540 Is this... Is this, uh... Hey, Stuart! 54 00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:33,060 Stuart! 55 00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:34,800 What a wiener. 56 00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,720 Stuart wets his bed! 57 00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:41,380 Stuart wets his bed! 58 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,040 Uh, 59 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,760 hello? Uh, 60 00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:55,980 hello? Um, well, like, my boyfriend is, like, um, so rude. 61 00:03:56,180 --> 00:04:01,100 I mean, he's, like, pressuring me to put out and all, but I'm not sure if I'm 62 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,100 ready for sex. 63 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:03,600 Uh, 64 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,320 uh, 65 00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:06,940 uh, 66 00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:12,140 uh, uh, I advise you to put out. 67 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,320 That would be cool. 68 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,080 Until tomorrow. 69 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,200 Uh, 70 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,580 what are you talking about? 71 00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:28,980 Uh, yeah. 72 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,060 You, uh, need someone better. 73 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:38,300 Uh, someone who's like, uh, polite and stuff. 74 00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:39,620 Yeah, yeah. 75 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:40,960 Hi, 76 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,660 may I help you? Yeah. 77 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:44,800 Uh, 78 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:49,200 you should put out to someone you meet at school tomorrow who's polite. 79 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,440 Thank you. Goodbye. 80 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,120 We're going to score. 81 00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:10,020 Coming up next, Beavis and Butthead do jokes about their nads. 82 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:12,960 See you soon. 83 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,560 Remember, Beavis, be polite to every girl we see. 84 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,460 That way we'll score with that chick who called last night. 85 00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:31,780 Beavis and Butthead, why don't you share with the class what you learned working 86 00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:32,960 on the crisis line? 87 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,700 Uh, okay. 88 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,300 I mean, excuse me. Yeah, thank you. 89 00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:42,620 Uh, may I? 90 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,780 Yeah, after you. 91 00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:48,540 Uh, please, you first. 92 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:52,720 She's not here. 93 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,160 Oh, that sucks. 94 00:05:57,460 --> 00:05:58,860 My pleasure. 95 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,080 My pleasure. 96 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,460 Hey, my pleasure. 97 00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:08,120 So, like, after you, ma 'am. 98 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,240 Please, you first. 99 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,459 Yeah, you first. 100 00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,060 Thank you. Drive through. 101 00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:18,820 I insist. 102 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,440 Excuse me. Yeah, sorry for the inconvenience. I'll go get a mop. 103 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,620 Hey, aren't you like the guys from the crisis line? 104 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,100 You said no sex till I met a guy that's polite? 105 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,680 Uh, yes, ma 'am. Yes. 106 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,560 Is there something I can help you with? 107 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,220 Yeah. My boyfriend wanted to meet you. 108 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,820 Uh, I beg your pardon. 109 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,880 Uh, hope I didn't put you in any trouble, sir. 110 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,160 Uh, yeah. 111 00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:57,340 I'll be right with you, sir. 112 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:08,140 Uh, is this another one of those damn 80s fuck videos? 113 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,080 Oh, yeah. 114 00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:11,640 Oh, yeah. 115 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,100 From that album, the classics of fuck. 116 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,620 But they're not real gorillas. 117 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,960 Yeah. 118 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,380 They had to get fake ones because, like, they knew that real gorillas wouldn't 119 00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,380 listen to this crap. 120 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:32,700 Yeah. You know what animal would listen to this crap? 121 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,320 It's a cow. 122 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:39,100 Yeah. Cows can listen to that crap because they have, like, they have, 123 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,780 like, sick stomachs. 124 00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:43,260 Yeah. 125 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,720 I bet you could get a cow to listen to, like, Warrant. 126 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,220 Hey, buddy. 127 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,420 Who is this butt -knocker, anyways? 128 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,820 Uh, this is James. 129 00:07:58,460 --> 00:07:59,460 James who? 130 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:04,240 His parents asked him not to use her last name because, like, he's fucked. 131 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:11,280 His parents said, son, we know you fuck, and that's okay, but could you just, 132 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,320 like, not use our name? 133 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,160 Yeah. 134 00:08:15,570 --> 00:08:17,150 And then they hugged him. 135 00:08:20,510 --> 00:08:21,910 What a wuss. 136 00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:26,690 Well, 137 00:08:29,850 --> 00:08:31,930 there's a big eyeball. 138 00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:36,530 Yeah, they need more big eyeball videos. Like a big pile of eyeballs. 139 00:08:36,929 --> 00:08:37,929 Yeah. 140 00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:39,770 What is all this stuff? 141 00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:41,090 Yeah, really. 142 00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:42,190 Bye -bye. 143 00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:44,340 Like they're running through the grass, and then I was like a house. 144 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:46,020 Yeah. 145 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:50,560 Whatever happened to chicks with big thingies and cleavage and stuff like 146 00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:54,100 Yeah. Seems like they don't do that anymore. 147 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,100 These guys need to spend more time with sluts. 148 00:08:57,820 --> 00:09:00,500 Yeah. These guys aren't filthy enough. 149 00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:14,350 Well, are there, like, two lead singers for this band? 150 00:09:14,910 --> 00:09:16,010 Uh, yeah. 151 00:09:16,270 --> 00:09:19,910 Well, what? Yeah, but it's like, there's this dude, it's like an overall, and 152 00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:20,910 then there's this other dude. 153 00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:22,890 Well, what, Beaver? 154 00:09:23,790 --> 00:09:26,070 I don't know, I just thought, like, you know, if there's two singers, it's like, 155 00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,390 you know, that's something. 156 00:09:31,210 --> 00:09:32,210 Hey, 157 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,110 somebody's talking. 158 00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,390 Yeah, yeah, what is that? 159 00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:38,610 I hate it when people talk over video. 160 00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,030 Yeah, there's some guy going... 161 00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:52,800 Either follow or lead or get off the pot. Yeah, really. 162 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,140 Get off the toilet. Yeah. 163 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:06,430 These guys are like... A cross between 164 00:10:06,430 --> 00:10:11,350 Stone Temple Pilots and, like, just a bunch of regular guys. Yeah, yeah, it's 165 00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:15,690 kind of like they're a cross between a Stone Temple Pilot and those dudes on 166 00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:16,690 Haw. Oh, yeah. 167 00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:21,610 You met another and you was gone. 168 00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:25,970 That was pretty good, but it... Yeah. 169 00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:28,830 Hello? 170 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,830 I need some help. 171 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,440 Shut up. 172 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,200 I've taken some pills and I... I don't know how many. 173 00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:43,160 Hey, Beavis. 174 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:44,900 What's that number? 175 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,620 1 -900 -NUDITY. 176 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,400 Hello. 177 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:54,860 I'm Candy. 178 00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:57,220 What can I do for you? 179 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:02,360 Uh, I've got a crisis... in my pants. 180 00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:04,910 Yeah. 11695