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People, I'm very concerned about you.
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Lately, I've been noticing a disturbing
trend of low self -esteem, okay?
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In fact, your lack of it doesn't make me
feel too good as your teacher.
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Now, self -esteem and motivation,
people, are keys to success in life,
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Does anyone know what those terms mean?
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People, is anyone paying attention out
there?
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Beavis, do you know what self -esteem
means?
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Um,
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no.
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Beavis is stupid.
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Yeah, and I'm very smart.
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Now, Beavis, that's exactly what I'm
talking about. Why would you say such a
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thing?
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Okay, people. I guess this is a good
time for a little confidence -boosting
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surprise I've been planning.
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I've made arrangements to borrow the
caps and gowns from this year's
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class.
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That's right, class. With my help,
you're all going to graduate today.
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Cool. I can't believe it. Now, it's not
a real graduation, of course.
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It's a self -esteem graduation.
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Whoa. To help you better respect
yourself. We're going to graduate.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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Today. It's all over.
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Graduate.
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Uh,
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going back to school?
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I'm going back to school. Shut up,
Beavis.
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Good afternoon, ladies.
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Uh, check it out. We graduated.
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Pretty cool, huh? Wow.
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Really?
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I want you.
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Come on, butthead.
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Butthead, please.
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Get these gowns on.
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Now, class, graduation gowns have
symbolized wisdom and maturity for
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You look like a dumbass.
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This is called a mortarboard.
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And it comes with this tassel, which
many graduates save as a memento of
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special day.
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Perhaps some of your older brothers and
sisters still have theirs.
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Oh, yeah.
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My uncle has one of those hanging on his
dashboard.
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Good butthead. He must have saved it
from his own high school graduation.
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Uh, no. He didn't go to high school.
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He got it off the boob of some chick in
a nudie bar.
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There's a big difference, butthead, in
what the two tassels stand for. I hope
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someday you'll find that out.
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Well, let's get on with our ceremony.
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If you'd come up one at a time, I have a
certificate for each of you.
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Congratulations.
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Good work, Dean.
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You have many talents to be proud of.
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Congratulations, Cassandra. I know
you'll go far in the world, okay?
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Here you go, butthead.
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You have many qualities.
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Yeah. And here's your diploma, Beavis.
Okay.
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Even though these are not genuine
diplomas, they represent something very
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Namely, my opinion as your teacher that
each of you is an important human being.
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Worthy of your classmates' respect and
your own self -respect.
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Okay? And in closing, I'd just like to
say bravo for being you.
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Thanks for your cooperation, people. I'm
picking up some much more positive
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vibes now.
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00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:09,980
Okay. Now that we're all feeling better
about ourselves, we do have a lot of
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material to cover before the midterm.
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Please open your books to chapter six.
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Um, where are Beavis and Butthead?
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We graduated.
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We're never going to go to school again.
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I'm just glad it's finally over.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Yeah, really.
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At least now we can get on with our
lives.
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Shana, would you hurry up and get your
funky butt out of the bed? Oh, did you
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hear that? She just called her monkey
butt. Yeah.
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That was pretty cool.
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I'm getting kind of sick of Janet
Jackson.
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Yeah.
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She always has a bunch of chicks sitting
around talking before the video.
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That's a pretty nice hotel.
81
00:05:21,430 --> 00:05:25,590
Yeah. When you're, like, rich and
famous, you can stay in those really
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hotels where they have, like, adult
videos and hourly rates and stuff like
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How come hotels have hourly rates
anyways?
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Oh, dumbass.
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It only takes like an hour to do it.
Wow.
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A whole hour?
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A whole whore.
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A whole whore.
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You can get on the phone and be like,
room service?
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I'd like some bacon and a couple cokes
and a bunch of whores.
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And a side order of poop.
92
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What did you say, Beavis?
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I was just saying, I thought you were a
poop.
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Oh, boy.
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Beavis, you just sent my boner into the
ground.
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Sorry about that.
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I thought it was pretty cool.
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I thought you were a poop.
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To go with the horse, you know.
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Shut up, Beavis.
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Excuse me. Are those bunghole boys
you're wearing?
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Bunghole boys.
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You want this?
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Can you handle this?
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Could you handle this, Beavis?
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I thought you'd handle this.
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I can't probably handle that.
108
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:10,670
What are you doing, Beavis? I'm
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doing my monkey boy.
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Damn it, Beavis. Get down.
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I am getting down.
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Rat -a -tat -tat, badass.
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