Original subtitles

Let's just get this started.

Are you kidding me?

Who's a good cat?

Today, a new commercial for a cold

And flu medicine is filming. And guess what?

We booked a role as actor number two.

But the commercial is fake.

It's just an excuse to pair us with an actor

Who thinks it's real.

The goal is to do and say what you're told,

And if you refuse, go back to waitering.

I was never a waiter. Me neither.

Hi, I'm edward. How are you?

Nice to meet you. Same here.

Murr: All right.

So, sal, you are an actor in a commercial today.

Uh, the product is mandukasil.

Mandukasil. Mandukasil.

It's an over-the-counter cold-flu drug.

That's great. And we'll get started.

All right, james, explain the commercial to them.

So you're just going to be feeling

A little bit under the weather.

I'd love for you to come in and just hand off some mandukasil.

Sal, fly through the frame.

Just top speed -- whoom! -- Right through.

And action.

Oh, my.

Cut. You came in pretty hot.

I'd say go half speed on the next one.

Murr: Sal, overcorrect the other way.

Snail's pace enter the scene.

Action!

Oh, my. Ugh.

murr: Here he comes.

Hi. Don't say anything yet.

Can I help you?

I heard you say, "ohh."

Yeah.

You should try mandukasil.

Cut, cut. That looked great. Really fun improv stuff.

I slowed it down because I --

Last time was just a little fast.

Yeah, I think you maybe slowed it down a bit

Too much on that one. Okay, okay, fair. That's fair.

Am I a little hesitant about him handing me

Something I know nothing about?

Sal, just, like, toss it,

Like, lob it onto her desk and keep going.

Jeter!

James: And action.

You have a cold? You need mandukasil probably.

Yeah. I don't feel so good. Jeter!

Cut!

Sorry, I should -- I should have told joy

That I was going to toss it toward her.

Man, I'm game for anything,

But if you're going to throw anything,

You got to let me know ahead of time.

Sorry, sorry. I won't throw it.

"would anybody here mind if I play the character

As a rastafarian this time?"

Would anyone here mind

If I play the character as rastafarian?

Yeah. No, I'd like to see it.

Yeah, let's see it.

James: Action!

Oh, my. Ugh.

Hi. Oh.

I'm not feeling so good.

yeah, me -- ah, man --

Uh...

What you got there?

Me thinks you -- I -- mandu-- mandukasil.

Murr: You sound like jar jar binks.

Cut, cut. You kind of bailed

On the character midway through. If you're going to do it --

So stick with it, stick with it.

Action. Oh, my.

Ohh. Blat! Blat! Your eyes seem watery.

You seem like you got dem watery eyes, love.

I don't feel good.

You should reach for mandukasil.

Blat! Blat!

Oh, I need help.

Hear me.

Reset. Take it again. We're still rolling.

Still rolling. Oh.

Sounds like you got a demon in ya.

I don't feel good.

Shake it up good and nice.

Well, thank you. One love in a bottle.

Right. Jah.

Thank you very much. Murr: "one love in a bottle."

"one love in a bottle." cut. Yeah, that was really nice.

I feel like I'm on mushrooms or something right now.

Murr: Sal. "so, uh...

So what makes you think you're good at any of this?"

No. That's it?

This is the biggest thing I've ever done.

Oh.

Oh, here we go.

Today is my 279th shoot in four years.

-Wow. -What?

Stand up and clap. Stand up and clap, murr.

I had to find something to do.

James: All right, here we go. From the top.

We'll roll on rehearsals. Roll sound.

Murr, as soon as he's done with his take, be like,

"all right. Thanks, sweetie. We'll let you know."

Roll camera. Action.

Oh, man.

Try mandukasil.

Wow. Thanks.

Thanks, sweetie. We'll let you know.

Right? That was it. That was great.

All right. Cut! Yeah. We're sure.

He called me sweetie. That's...

Yeah, we'll let you know.

We'll let him know? We'll let him know.

This is his audition, right? No, he's got the role, bud.

That's -- oh, I thought you were auditioning for this role.

No, he's got it.

"okay, so you don't need my assistance with casting?"

So you don't need my assistance

With casting in the commercial, then?

He has the part? Yeah.

All right. All right.

So, murr, when he hands it to you and it says a line,

You're like, "oh, I feel so crappy.

That's bidenomics."

Action.

Try mandukasil.

Man, I -- I feel so crappy.

I mean, that's bidenomics, right?

James: Yeah, cut. This should work. What?

Cut. What?

So, no, like political messaging, anything like that.

Okay. Okay, so, okay. So, yeah.

Oh, I understand, I understand, I understand.

That's a good note. I'll take that one. Okay.

he'll take that one.

Look at mike. Go, "mike. Mike"...

Mike. Mike. Mike. "I just want to let you know,

If anything were to ever happen to me"...

I just want you -- I just want to let you know, buddy,

If anything were to ever happen to me...

..."I'm okay with you working on this with somebody else."

...I'm okay with you working on this with someone else.

Okay? "if anything would ever befall me."

If I was befalled in some way,

Like a hospice situation, some kind of injury,

I would want you to keep doing the commercial

With someone else.

I mean, you would do the same for me, right?

Of course. Okay.

We ready to go, boss?

Mandukasil.

James: All right, let's take it from the top.

What's my line again? Try mandukasil?

Try mandukasil. Yes.

"it's two words, mike."

It's two words, mike. I know.

I mean... It's two words.

"mike. If that's your real name."

Mike. If that's your real name.

"were there even 279 previous --

Previous jobs?"

I mean, were there even 270--

I mean, were there even 278 other commercials?

I don't think so. 279.

279.

Today's 279, which means it's 278 before this.

"numbers have shifted."

The numbers have shifted, mike.

"that's bidenomics."

That's bidenomics.

Murr, do me a favor. During this take,

Start coughing and just never stop.

Like, over the top.

Action.

Try mandukasil.

I can't...

Mike, louder.

Give me the mandukasil!

Just try mandukasil. Give me the mandukasil.

I'll take it.

Just start getting frustrated you can't open the bottle.

Start banging it. Mike, say it one more time.

Try mandukasil.

"louder, mike. Louder, mike."

Just try it. Louder, mike, louder!

Just try it. Just try mandukasil.

How do you get it to open?!

Are you trying mandukasil?

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

What the f-- what's up with that?

It's a child safety lock.

Light push on the top of the bottle and twist.

Oh, I see. It comes off like that.

What's your name?

Brian. I'm ru.

Ru. Got it. Here's our product, mandukasil.

Brian, you're sick. You're suffering.

Ru, you're just going to say, "try mandukasil."

Okay. Okay, great.

This seems really good.

Sal: Actually, when she hands you that medicine,

Open it and drink the entire bottle.

James: All right, let's take it from the top.

Action.

Try mandukasil.

Ohh. I mean really try it.

Chug it! Chug the bottle!

James: Action.

Sal: When she hands you that medicine,

Open it and drink the entire bottle.

Try mandukasil.

Oh.

I mean really try it.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Not that much.

I still don't feel well.

James: Cut.

Yeah. Are you -- how are you feeling?

I mean, it didn't make me feel any better.

Well, it's gonna hit you. That's a lot of it.

This -- this wasn't a prop?

No. No, that's mandukasil.

What's the dosage on that? Uh, I'm actually --

It's kind of getting a little hard to see.

Uh, could you tell me? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean... That's not good.

30 milliliters. This entire thing is 237 milliliters.

You took, like, eight times the dose.

Oh, god.

You should be good if you throw it up.

Do you want to go pull the trigger

In the bathroom real quick? I'm gonna go clear the decks.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right.

-Who gave him the bottle? -Ru gave him the bottle.

I did, but that was your direction.

I mean, I did not tell him to drink it.

I'm going to call the help line just in case.

I'm good to go.

Don't drink it. James: And you're feeling 100%?

I feel fine. I really got most of it out.

It tastes good. It's like candy. We're good.

-You're good? All right. -Yeah.

Introduce yourself to her for the first time.

I'm brian, by the way.

Yes. Hi. Hey. Nice to meet you.

You, too.

As you're in the scene, the medicine's kicking in.

You're going into a mandukasil coma.

Are you okay?

Uh, I'm not feeling too good, ru.

James: And action.

Sal: Q, when she gives it to you, just take it again.

Ohh. Ohh! Chug the bottle

To help you with what happened from chugging the bottle.

Why don't you try some mandukasil?

Oh. Thank you. Thank god.

Anything to help with this mandukasil binge.

Don't do it. Don't do that!

No! Stop! Stop, stop!

Oh, my god!

You can't take that.

Don't drink the product. He doesn't get it.

-Yeah. -Don't drink that.

Guys, come on. I'm not in charge here.

Ru, I'm sorry. That's my bad.

I thought it was coffee in there.

That's the mandukasil that he's drinking again.

Sal: "could I take mandukasil now to help

With the mandukasil that I took?"

Don't drink the product. He doesn't get it.

Okay. I got it.

"I need to take something"... I need to take something...

..."to help me"... ...To help me...

..."with all the mandukasil I took."

...With all the mandukasil that I've taken.

So if I could take a little mandukasil.

So don't drink that?

No. Okay.

Just take it and say, "oh, I'll try it." gotcha.

Sal: Come on, switch their roles.

Can we switch the roles?

Maybe you go and give her the mandukasil.

Oh, yeah.

Just come in drinking it.

James: Here we go. From the top.

Roll sound. Roll camera.

Action.

Wait. He's drinking it!

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!

God, you got to get him out, man.

You hear-- you heard him say just -- just drink.

He might be having a reaction.

You said -- you said ju-- no. You got to get him out of here.

You said drink the dookie.

Walk over here. Say, "hey, just try mandukasil."

Just try the dookie.

He can't. He's losing it.

Q, shake her hand. "hi, I'm brian."

I'm just going to come over. I'm going to say,

"just try mandukasil."

Yes. Perfect. Perfect. Okay. Great. I'm brian.

I know.

Now, q, come over. Nail it.

The second you hand it to her and you nail it, just collapse.

Don't open it.

No, I'm just handing it to you.

Oh, my god.

And action.

Ugh, ohh.

Aww. Here. Try mandukasil.

Oh, thank you so much.

James: Cut. We nailed it.

Narrator: There's no medication that can fix that performance.

Sal is first up on the loser board.

Today we're at the american dream mall

Walking up to shoppers and saying,

"you look like the type of person that"...

And the "type of person" they are will be given to us

By the other guys.

If you can't get the person to agree

That they're that "type of person," you lose.

Trust me, they're that type of person.

I say that about everybody.

I've seen this type before.

All right, sally v.

Excuse me. Do you know what time the mall closes?

Oh, I'm not sure.

Oh, my god, how cute. You know what?

You look like the type of person that...

"that's about to get tickled."

Get out of here, you crazy kid.

you!

That's it?

that's it, that's it.

All right, murr, let's do it.

Bud, would you, uh --

I gotta ask, where'd you get the hat?

Online. Amazon. No.

I don't know if you've ever been told this,

But you -- you look like the kind of person...

"that doesn't try a hat on for size before he buys it."

That just... oh, ohh.

Just...

Murr: I don't know if you've ever been told this,

But you look like the kind of person...

"that doesn't try a hat on for size before he buys it."

That just... oh, ohh.

Just...

...Based on pure first impression...

Mm-hmm.

...You look like the kind of guy...

That I'm just gonna take the loss, man.

Hey. You look fantastic. Oh, thank you. I got it.

you guys.

Son of a bitch. I mean, why am I even trying?

Well, you lost. Come on back.

Excuse me.

Do you know where the sunglass hut is?

Shit, man.

'cause those look -- hey, you know what?

You know what? Tell me if you agree.

You look like the type of guy...

"that can't get it moist enough."

That can't get it -- can't get it moist enough.

You are the type of guy? All right. Yeah!

You just hit a jackpot because he was agreeing

To anything you said.

I would like to shed you two...

Yeah. ...And have that guy be my new best friend.

Narrator: Murr and sal look like the type of people

Who can't win, making sal tonight's big loser.

All right, sal has lost. So today we're here

At completebody gym for his punishment.

Sal, you know those security guards

That take their jobs a little too seriously?

Can I see eight forms of id, please?

Yeah. Okay, good. Keep that. That's going to be you today.

You'll be stationed at the front of the gym,

And we get to decide who gets in and who gets berated.

Berated? you got it.

Berated? Yeah.

Yeah. It's like that?

I would count on less people getting in

And more people getting berated if I were you.

More people are gonna get berated!

There you go.

All right, sal, these people

Are coming to work out, they're in a rush,

They got to get to get to work, right?

You can't let them in, buddy.

Here we go. What's up, fellas?

How you doing?

Can I purchase a session from you all day?

-He can go? -Yeah.

I'll see you downstairs in a minute, don, okay?

Don't be so sure about that, don. Yeah!

I wouldn't be so sure about that, don.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah, I'm just paying for a single session for don.

Oh, he went in already?

"he was unauthorized?" he was unauthorized?

Uh, I-I don't know. He's --

Murr: You're going on lockdown. Oh, god.

You got to get into this character like this...

Security alert. ...Strung-out security guard.

"they got a fake id

Like I haven't seen one of those before."

He's got a fake id, I think,

Like I haven't seen one of those before.

I want you to say, "I'm livid," in five different ways

In front of this guy right now.

It should be rectified in a minute,

But that doesn't matter, because I'm livid.

That's one. One.

I'm security. I'm livid right now.

Two. Two.

You just don't understand what happened to lead to this point.

I'm just -- I'm just livid right now.

That's three. All right.

I have one job. My job is to make sure

I keep the place -- the place secure.

And I love keeping the place secure.

That's why I'm livid right now.

We need a turned on livid.

Yeah, a little bit -- little bit turned on.

I am livid right now.

I'm so livid I'm going to start lactating.

I-I-I'm so livid I'm going to start

lactating right now.

You don't want this smoke pimpin'.

Sal, start spiraling.

I just feel like you're trying to shanghai

My balls right now, sweetheart.

Shanghai...My...

I-I'm gonna lose my job today because I can't -- I'm sorry.

I know I'm -- I know I'm spiraling.

I know I'm spiraling,

But my daughter just brought home a chameleon.

"I'm se-cur-ity." I'm se-cur-ity.

Do not stop, sal. Keep going.

I feel like you're just gonna...

Cole, let the guy through while sal's going.

Just wave him in. Just wave him in.

What is it, thanksgiving eve?

How about take out your own yam bag,

Let my family eat your yam bag.

"okay. You're approved, sir."

Fine. You're approved to go down, sir.

I'm triggered, cole. I'm triggered.

Uh-oh. Here we go.

Gym entrance?

Sorry, superman. I can't let you in.

Murr: That's -- that's tyler hoechlin, man.

He's a buddy of ours. Oh, superman, baby.

He's in town, came to set to hang out.

Tyler definitely just came from another gym.

Here we go. Uh-oh.

Here we go.

Well, it's a primary color.

So red and blue is going to make purple.

uh-oh, bud.

Let me try to just enter it manually for you.

Sure. Murr: Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, yeah. No, not after last time, man.

Okay. This popped up here.

Oh, no, no, no, no, not after the last time, it says.

This guy is baffled.

"I'm going to need you to take two steps back

And wait right there, hon."

I just need you to take two steps back,

Hon, just wait two steps back, please.

Two steps?

Just -- just do me a favor, hon, please,

Because I just gotta... I just need a little.

"you're crowding me, sir."

Sorry. I'm sorry. You're crowding me a little bit here.

Murr: Ohh! Are you in a rush?

I'm on lunch, so... Yeah.

"well, you got -- so you got an hour."

So you got an hour?

Yeah. Well, less than that now. Less now.

"I ain't the one, playboy. Back up and wait."

I ain't the one. I ain't the one, playboy.

Not today. What's going to happen here?

"you understand, if I don't follow protocol"...

You understand, if I don't follow protocol...

..."they're going to crack my chestnuts open

With the smith machine, right?"

...They're gonna crack my chestnuts open

With the smith machine. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

"you're not trying to shanghai my balls, right, sweetheart?"

You're not trying to shanghai my balls, right, sweetheart?

"you with the bear, hombre.

"you with the bear, hombre."

This is it. People are in here.

You with the bear now, hombre.

"he's awake now." you with the bear, hombre, and he's awake.

"you can't un- with this bear."

A bear can't be un-.

"to be clear, you me."

To be clear, you me, hombre. I'm the bear.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Murr: Have a full mental breakdown.

I'm up to my tits in complaints today with this.

That's the character we want. That's it. There it is.

My son brought home a beagle this week.

They're eating me out of ass and home.

I just found out I got salmonella bad.

People are whizzing all over my face

Telling me it's hurricane sandy.

My tits will be floating around like jack on the titanic

'cause the complaints are rising up so high.

Two big tits floating around like big air balloons

Is what's going to happen now.

And then -- and then, everyone goes in

And does their burpees, they get their workout in,

They're in the locker room

Laughing about my big tits floating around because --

I'm trying to do burpees so I don't have floating tits.

Cole, turn to sal and be like,

"do you have the caps lock on that keyboard?"

Do you have the caps lock on?

Is that what's stopping me from getting in?

Murr: It was sal's fault all along! Oh, god.

I did it again. Caps lock.

Oh, it was the caps lock!

Now -- argh!

It was the caps lock. You can come on through.

It was my fault.

Oh, my god, that was awesome.

Ay-yi-yi.

Hello. Hi.

I was considering getting a membership.

Where'd tyler go?

Is tyler working the cameras?

Murr: He's working a camera.

Amanda said that I can do a trial.

"amanda says a lot of things."

Amanda says a lot of things, unfortunately.

Okay.

Okay, I'll take your id and I'll put you in the system.

I live in bed-stuy, brooklyn, but I just haven't --

Oh. Happy birthday. Yeah.

Oh, you and cole want to sing her happy birthday?

-♪ happy birthday to you ♪ -oh, god.

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday -- ♪

Sal, get upset. There's no filming in the gym.

The only thing is, there is no filming in the gym.

Oh.

There is a one session suspension.

So because you videoed, I can't let you in today.

But you can come back tomorrow.

You're singing happy birthday to me.

-Well, because --

Oh, no, I want you to have a happy birthday.

It was just the videoing.

Uh-oh. The turn is happening.

Yep. How would I know?

It's posted. It's posted around.

Yeah. Where does it say it on the wall?

"but it's really more common sense."

But it's really -- it's really more common sense

Not to film in the gym, that's all.

Yeah. I'm not in the gym.

Oh, well, see, that's the rock wall right there.

We're in the gym right here,

So it's just I have to follow the rules.

Okay.

♪ "happy birthday" ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

Okay. ♪ happy birthday to you ♪

I'm very disoriented and it's very bizarre.

Phew.

Today's not your day, buddy.

Sal, the gym got quiet all of a sudden, huh?

I have an idea.

Oh.

[ john mayer's "your body is a wonderland" plays ]

♪ we got the afternoon ♪

♪ one mile to every inch of ♪

Love scene. A john mayer love scene.

They're holding hands.

Oh, please have someone walk up right now.

Slow song. Please.

♪ oh, this is bound to be a while ♪

♪ your body is a wonderland ♪

♪ your body is a wonderland ♪

All right, punishment is over when you kiss.