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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,160 People, I'm very disappointed with these test scores. 2 00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:22,520 We scored. 3 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,900 No, butthead. That's my point. You didn't score. 4 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,300 You got a zero. 5 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:34,400 Now, I know you people are bright enough, so I'm guessing the problem lies 6 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:40,020 elsewhere. So today, I want to show you how to realign your mind -body energies 7 00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:41,780 through simple meditation. 8 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:45,040 Okay? First, I'll assume the lotus position. 9 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,420 There. Okay. 10 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:51,340 Now, now... Oh! 11 00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:54,100 Ah! Ah! My neck! 12 00:00:54,380 --> 00:00:57,160 Oh, my God. Somebody call an ambulance. 13 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,640 Ow! 14 00:00:59,370 --> 00:01:01,450 I thought school was gonna suck today. 15 00:01:05,610 --> 00:01:06,610 Uh, 16 00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:10,250 all right. 17 00:01:11,910 --> 00:01:12,910 What? 18 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,210 Uh, all right. 19 00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:17,330 This looks kind of cool. 20 00:01:19,070 --> 00:01:20,070 Really? 21 00:01:20,650 --> 00:01:21,650 Yeah, I guess so. 22 00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:25,270 Yeah, you know, it's kind of groovy. 23 00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:28,430 Kind of has a nice little thing, you know? 24 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,170 Kind of makes me feel good. 25 00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:34,270 Yeah, yeah. 26 00:01:34,690 --> 00:01:35,770 Yeah, yeah, I guess so, yeah. 27 00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:38,430 Yeah, I see what you're saying, yeah. It's kind of, yeah. 28 00:01:41,510 --> 00:01:42,510 Yeah, 29 00:01:42,590 --> 00:01:43,590 this is really cool, yeah. 30 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,330 Uh, Beaver? 31 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,910 I was just kidding. 32 00:01:50,790 --> 00:01:53,610 Dumbass. I know. Shut up, put it. 33 00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,510 You really like this crap. 34 00:01:56,870 --> 00:01:58,650 I don't, but I'm just kidding. 35 00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:00,070 What a wuss. 36 00:02:00,650 --> 00:02:02,750 Stop it. 37 00:02:03,570 --> 00:02:05,410 I hate everything about him. 38 00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:06,930 I hate this. 39 00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:08,550 I hate it. 40 00:02:09,410 --> 00:02:10,410 Shut up. 41 00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:17,090 You know what would be cool? As if it just started pouring rain right now. 42 00:02:17,530 --> 00:02:18,530 Yeah. 43 00:02:19,050 --> 00:02:21,970 Or maybe there'd be like a sudden hailstorm. 44 00:02:23,380 --> 00:02:24,380 Yeah, yeah. 45 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,380 Or a turd storm. 46 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,400 There's no such thing as a turd storm, Beavis. 47 00:02:32,380 --> 00:02:35,060 This is a video, butthead. They can have anything they want. 48 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,840 I don't want to see a turd storm. 49 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,560 Settle down, Beavis. 50 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,940 And I thought I told you to quit talking about turds all the time. 51 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,580 Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. 52 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,280 Cool. 53 00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,010 I win again. 54 00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:56,070 Paper kills scissors. 55 00:02:58,130 --> 00:02:59,130 Ow! 56 00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:02,010 Boy, you're pretty good at this game. 57 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,770 Good morning, everybody. I'm Jim the Substitute. Sorry to rush you, but we're 58 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,190 going to be dead in 80 years, and that's barely enough time to learn anything. 59 00:03:13,530 --> 00:03:17,030 Let's start with these things. A textbook gives you a hernia, not an 60 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:19,330 Whoa. 61 00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:21,010 Cool. 62 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,320 Lesson one, people, enthusiasm. 63 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:31,260 If you can't get into what you're doing, why do it at all? What's your name? 64 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,300 Uh, Joe. 65 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,520 Joe? Joe what? 66 00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:39,360 Uh, Mama. 67 00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:41,740 Joe Mama. 68 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,060 Hey, 69 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,219 that's great. 70 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:45,640 Lesson two, be creative. 71 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,300 What's your name? 72 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,420 Um, um. 73 00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,780 Jack. Okay, Jack. Jack what? 74 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,000 I'm Jack Mama. 75 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,040 All right, fair enough. 76 00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:00,200 Well, no points off for trying. How about you? 77 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,680 Huge erection. 78 00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:04,020 That's marvelous. 79 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,079 You? 80 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,260 Argyny. Myth -argyny. 81 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,800 Myth -argyny. Hey, that's wonderful. I like this class. 82 00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:13,580 This guy's a dumbass. 83 00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:16,110 He'll believe anything. 84 00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:17,410 Yeah, really. 85 00:04:18,610 --> 00:04:20,209 I'm going to stick around for this. 86 00:04:26,130 --> 00:04:28,590 Check it out, butthead. Somebody left their locker open. 87 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,130 Let's clove it for him. 88 00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,250 Let's clove it again. 89 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,600 A good reader's like a lover. 90 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,360 Attentive, passionate. 91 00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:52,640 Who wants to make love today? 92 00:04:56,540 --> 00:05:00,780 Hey, Beavis and Butthead. What did you think of those old Superman comics I 93 00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:01,379 loaned you? 94 00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:05,080 Uh, we gave them to this kid after he showed us a dead deer. 95 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,960 Yeah, he was all bloated and stuff. I poked it. 96 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,680 Wise choice, men. 97 00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:13,490 Life experience beats book learning hands down. 98 00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:15,210 Hey, what's this? 99 00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:19,990 It's a diorama based on Walt Whitman's poem, Cavalry Crossing a Fort. 100 00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:21,330 We made it for you. 101 00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:22,610 For me? 102 00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:24,590 You all did this for me? 103 00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:26,510 Together, after school. 104 00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:28,090 We didn't do it. 105 00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:31,950 Yeah, we don't do stuff like that. Yeah, really. 106 00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:36,110 Oh, you want me to get pissed, right? Like the system says. 107 00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:38,910 But I'm going to break that little rule and tell you something you've probably 108 00:05:38,910 --> 00:05:39,910 never heard before. 109 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,940 I believe in you. 110 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,800 I believe in you, and I trust you. Come over here, and I'll prove it. 111 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,520 Okay, you stand here. 112 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:52,560 Butthead, stand here. 113 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,460 Now I'm going to show you something. 114 00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:57,760 I trust you. 115 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,060 Ah! 116 00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:02,040 Whoa. Yeah. 117 00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:05,900 Fabulous. 118 00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:10,050 I think we're supposed to catch him, butthead. 119 00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:11,810 Oh, yeah. 120 00:06:13,390 --> 00:06:14,390 Dumbass. 121 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,390 Whoa, check out his eyes. 122 00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:24,030 I don't wanna see you. 123 00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:26,910 Yeah, I don't wanna see you either. 124 00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:28,670 Yeah, really. 125 00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:35,730 Change the channel, come on, butthead, or turn it off or something. 126 00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,170 Eh. There's nothing else on. 127 00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:41,290 Not me. What happened to those cards? 128 00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:42,890 Uh, they're right here. 129 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,590 Come on, let's play another round. I want to win my two dollars back. 130 00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:49,870 Uh, okay. 131 00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:52,230 Uh, 132 00:06:53,590 --> 00:06:56,470 this game is called Bunghole Surprise. 133 00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:58,330 Cool. 134 00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:04,450 First you take your cards, and then you, like, tell me what you have. 135 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:12,920 Okay, I have two eights, and a nine, and a 136 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,660 three, and a chick. 137 00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:18,580 Okay. 138 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,520 Okay, 139 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,980 I'm going to, like, get five new cards. 140 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,840 I bet $18. 141 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,100 And I won. 142 00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:33,840 Well, you owe me $18. 143 00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:37,840 Bunghole. No way! That's too much. I don't want to play this anymore. 144 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,280 Okay. 145 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,940 If you don't want to play, we'll just watch this video. 146 00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,520 No! Okay, I'll play. 147 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,100 Okay. Okay, 148 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:48,900 $18. 149 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,800 Okay. 150 00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:52,880 I won. 151 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:54,960 Damn it! Really? 152 00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:56,400 How come I keep losing? 153 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:57,700 I never win! 154 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,120 Dumbass. 155 00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:07,220 With just a few exceptions, people, I'm impressed by the progress on these test 156 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,220 scores. 157 00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:09,820 We scored. 158 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,460 No, butthead, you didn't. 159 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,880 We'll talk about it later. Right now we're going to talk about Emily 160 00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:27,760 Open your textbooks to page 234, the poem entitled A Narrow Fellow 161 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:28,880 in the Grass. 162 00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,140 Okay, now. 163 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,590 School's gotten a lot cooler lately. 164 00:08:53,690 --> 00:08:56,790 I'm getting, like, interested in learning or something. 165 00:08:57,710 --> 00:09:04,690 And now, I give you 166 00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:07,070 the men of Chavez. 167 00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:10,590 That dude was kind of funny. 168 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:12,890 Yeah. 169 00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:15,510 Yeah, he kind of was. 170 00:09:18,639 --> 00:09:20,040 What is this, anyway? 171 00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,780 I don't know, some kind of show? 172 00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:26,820 This is kind of cool. 173 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:29,260 Yeah. 174 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:35,580 I mean, it's like, the music is horrible, but it rules. 175 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:38,800 We should watch this all the time. 176 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,240 Yeah, this rules. 177 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,140 I bet you could score with some of those chicks in the audience. 178 00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:49,410 By just going up to them and saying, hey, baby, I'm not in the band. 179 00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:51,630 Yeah, 180 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:55,390 like all you have to do is say, I have nothing to do with these guys. 181 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:57,250 Want to make out? 182 00:09:58,690 --> 00:09:59,690 Yeah. 183 00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:08,650 You know, it's like, this video is cool. 184 00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:10,510 It's got something for everyone. 185 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,140 You know, like whatever you're into, like if you're into a dude wiggling his 186 00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,360 butt around, they've got that. 187 00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,900 No thanks. If you're into lions, they've got that. 188 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:20,680 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 189 00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:26,100 Or if you're into horrible music, they have that too. Yeah, something for 190 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,100 everybody. 191 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,260 Everybody sucks. 192 00:10:30,860 --> 00:10:33,540 Yeah, everybody is stupid. 12166