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00:00:05,870 --> 00:00:09,890
So, Letha, without your knowledge, your
dating service set you up with a crazed
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cult leader who practiced ritual animal
mutilations.
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All they told me was he liked animals.
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Yeah.
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Dead animals.
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Well, what about the satisfied
customers, Tom?
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It was great, man. I call up the dating
service and they send me another victim.
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My attorney says you shouldn't give your
real name, Geraldo.
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Next time I'll know better.
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Clearly, dating services are helping
people meet people. But do they meet the
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right people? When we come back, would
you use the dating service?
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That's our focus.
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What is this?
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00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:04,050
Whoa, he's not even on a pogo stick and
he can do that. I'll be damned.
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Yeah.
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Uh,
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hey, Satan, how's it going?
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How come whenever you see, like, Satan
in a video, it's just some dork in a
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costume? Yeah.
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The real Satan doesn't do videos. Yeah,
unless it's like for Danzig or
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something.
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If they really had Satan on this song,
it's like, you'd hear him talking
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backwards and stuff.
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It's like, he can do that.
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Oh, yeah, yeah.
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You know, I can talk backwards.
27
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No, you can't. Yes, sir.
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Check this out.
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Oh, nigga.
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Whoa.
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That was cool.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Do it again, Beaver.
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Okay.
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Check this out.
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Okay, here we go.
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See?
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That was cool.
39
00:02:09,669 --> 00:02:11,650
So, like, what did you say just then?
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I said, I said, um...
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Hey, how's it going?
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You should try it.
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Uh, let me see.
44
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Uh, Beavis is a wuss. I mean, uh, wuss
is Beavis. Yeah, yeah, see?
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See, anybody can do it.
46
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How do you do that, Beavis?
47
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You just talk backwards. Yeah, but like,
how?
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Like this.
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I am annoyed.
50
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That's him.
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Damn it, I forgot.
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I can't do it anymore.
53
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You can't do it anymore.
54
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,760
Don't tell me. Let me guess.
55
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,620
You men want a date.
56
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,920
Yeah, we want two of them.
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And make it snappy.
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I want one with big boobs, please.
59
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Handsome and funny.
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00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:22,310
Well, first I need you to answer a
couple of questions here on our
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quiz. Um, butthead, they didn't say
anything about a quiz. Shut up, Beavis.
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you want a score or not?
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Okay. Name.
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Uh, I'm butthead.
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Hey, that's okay. A lot of clients don't
use their real names.
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So what do you do for a living?
67
00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:40,830
Uh. You mean like Burger World?
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Great, a chef.
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I usually work the grill myself.
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00:03:45,570 --> 00:03:46,570
What's your name?
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00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:52,270
My attorney says you shouldn't give your
real name, Geraldo.
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Geraldo.
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Geraldo. Oh, wonderful.
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Oh, I love Spanish men.
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Now tell me about your long -term goals
in a relationship.
76
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,380
Long. Yeah.
77
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:12,400
I just want to, like, be a father over
and over again.
78
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,600
Yeah. Oh, how refreshing.
79
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,839
Most people just want sex, sex, sex.
80
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,899
Uh, how do you meet those chicks?
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00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:28,980
Oh, anyway, now comes the fun part. You
get to make a video.
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Cool.
83
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,820
Are we going to, like, be naked?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Oh, you.
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Uh,
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hey, baby.
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My name's Butthead, and I'm like a
pleasure machine.
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00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:56,140
I'm curious, Geraldo. When you meet a
woman, a woman like me, say, what are
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looking for?
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I usually look all over.
92
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:02,860
It's nice to find someone who sees the
total person.
93
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Usually I feel like the whole scene is
such a meat market.
94
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:07,820
Meat.
95
00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:10,340
Oh, yeah.
96
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,960
Your mission is to turn me on.
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00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,920
So, like, my interests are, like, doing
it.
98
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:27,400
And that's about it. Geraldo, do you
believe in chemistry?
99
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,160
You mean, like, explosions?
100
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,380
Yes, yes, exactly.
101
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:37,180
Do you feel it? I was feeling it when I
first came in, and I had to use that
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hand to fill out that form.
103
00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:42,660
But since we've been standing here, I've
been feeling it some more.
104
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,700
Oh, Geraldo, a million men have passed
through here, but none like you.
105
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,120
Yeah.
106
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:55,560
Uh, so what I'm really trying to say is,
I'm just a pleasure machine.
107
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,460
I think I forgot that part.
108
00:05:58,900 --> 00:05:59,900
Plus, like...
109
00:06:00,099 --> 00:06:02,360
It's a first -come, first -served deal.
110
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:07,340
Listen, I can't let my supervisor catch
me, but would you mind if I called you?
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00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,560
Yeah.
112
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,960
I could, like, tell you about what I'm
feeling.
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Oh, Geraldo.
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00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,040
Yeah, yeah.
115
00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:25,420
One out of five, one out of five. We
have a wild man in the cemetery. Repeat,
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wild man in the cemetery.
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The perpetrator was last seen running
around like some kind of butt monkey.
118
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Please, uh, apprehend and stuff.
119
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,520
Yeah, yeah. And, um, and, uh, kick him
out.
120
00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:39,160
Yeah, yeah, and kick him in the mat.
121
00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:49,220
All these videos
122
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:52,300
nowadays, it's like they have this one
really weird dude in them.
123
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,960
Yeah, yeah, it's like all of them have
this one really weird guy running
124
00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:57,320
Except for this video.
125
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,580
Uh, Viva Hall's talking about this
video.
126
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:05,160
They got that dude with the damn tattoo
and the bald head. Yeah, but he's not
127
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,160
that weird.
128
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,660
There's dudes like that everywhere.
129
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,400
Uh, I know, and they're all weird.
130
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:11,880
Oh, oh.
131
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,320
It's like, um...
132
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:27,900
It's like everybody knows that, you
know, like death and like the graveyard
133
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:31,120
all that stuff is all pretty cool and
everything, but it's like they need to
134
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,660
show it like in a new way or something.
135
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,060
Yeah, really.
136
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:38,100
It's like, you know, it's pretty cool
that they decided to do a video in a
137
00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,100
graveyard, you know, with like a little
crazy dude running around, but it's like
138
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,120
I'm already cleaning.
139
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,360
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
140
00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:47,060
It's like, I mean, I don't have all the
answers, you know, and it's like I
141
00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:49,480
probably couldn't do a better job
myself, but, you know.
142
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,920
I just got to say, you know, frankly,
it's been done, you know.
143
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:55,740
Frankly.
144
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,520
Frank.
145
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,200
Hey, Frank.
146
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:01,660
Oh, yes.
147
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:03,140
Oh, yes.
148
00:08:05,020 --> 00:08:06,020
Frank.
149
00:08:19,140 --> 00:08:20,140
Hello?
150
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:22,300
Who?
151
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,580
Damn it. For the last time, there aren't
any Mexicans here.
152
00:08:26,780 --> 00:08:31,100
It's like every time she calls for this
Harondo dude, it's like she could be
153
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:32,500
blocking a call from a chick.
154
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:36,799
I'll get it.
155
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,400
Get it.
156
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:42,760
Hi.
157
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,960
I'm here to turn on the pleasure
machine.
158
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,160
Oh, that's okay. The TV works fine now.
159
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:50,190
The remote just needed some new
batteries.
160
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:55,630
Dammit. All these interruptions are
making it hard to concentrate on
161
00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:57,290
Yeah.
162
00:08:58,250 --> 00:09:02,170
But, like, when we're scoring, that'll
give us time to think about other stuff.
163
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:03,750
What? Oh, hey.
164
00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:06,410
I guess you're saying, like, it all
evens out in the end.
165
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:07,690
Yeah.
166
00:09:08,030 --> 00:09:09,330
The rear end.
167
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,500
Is this boy George?
168
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,400
Yeah.
169
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,280
He's all fat now.
170
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:36,880
I heard he's trying to be all, like,
manly, and he's, like, not gonna dress
171
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,880
like a chick anymore.
172
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,700
He's a turd.
173
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:48,340
You know, he's bisexual.
174
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:50,639
Oh, yeah.
175
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:55,580
I know what that means, but, you know,
just as a test.
176
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,160
Why don't you tell me what that means?
177
00:09:58,660 --> 00:10:00,720
You dumbass. You don't know.
178
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,500
It means he has two schlongs.
179
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:09,320
If you had two wieners, how many nabs
would you have?
180
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:14,200
I guess you'd have, you know, like three
or something.
181
00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:18,840
And then I just thought of something
else. So, like, if you have two wieners,
182
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:23,060
you know, like, if you go to take a
leak, you just, like, decide which one
183
00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:26,110
you're going to... take a leak out of,
or do you take a leak out of both of
184
00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:29,590
them? You know, like, sometimes maybe
let's say you got a boner.
185
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:34,670
Would it be like both of them at the
same time? You should do stand -up
186
00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:35,810
Beavis. Oh, really?
187
00:10:35,890 --> 00:10:36,729
Thanks, yeah.
188
00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:38,130
I think so, too, yeah.
12932
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