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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:09,077 I mean, it's extraordinary, their meeting like that 2 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,277 and not realising they had a connection. 3 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,117 -And how did they meet, exactly? -Dad! -I told you. 4 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,957 Beth heard Kitty singing in a pub. 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,597 -I did tell him. And it was here. -Here? 6 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,917 Well, not here. A pub in Hebden Bridge, but I shouldn't think 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,317 it would be this one. I mean, didn't you say it was... 8 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,557 -Bit of an icky-sticky carpet pub. -Spit and sawdust. -And then what? 9 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,797 Does Beth go around picking up women in disreputable pubs nowadays, 10 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,117 Martin? Is that what you've reduced her to? 11 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,597 -Can you pass the mayo, Dad? -No! -Dad... 12 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,517 No, she was looking for a singer for this comedy rock band. 13 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,037 For this do, this, this charity do this evening. 14 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,277 -Ah! So? -So she was just walking past a pub 15 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,357 and she heard this amazing voice, so in she went, 16 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,957 and Kitty really can sing. 17 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:51,357 -Mm-hm. -Apparently. -Mmm. 18 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,797 I mean, possibly not Maria Callas, but... 19 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,797 And so no more information yet about who... 20 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,597 ...who your...ah, biological father is, Tom? 21 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,160 Erm... 22 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,877 -We've only ever actually met her that once so... -Oh, really? - Mm. 23 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,877 So this is only the second time you'll have actually... 24 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,277 Well, they were going to come to us in Sheffield, Beth and Kitty, 25 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,437 for something to eat. But we never seemed to be able to fix a date, 26 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,157 did we? Then we were going to go up there again, but it didn't happen. 27 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,517 So, yeah... No, apart from the odd text. 28 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,717 You know, it will probably take some time 29 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,037 before she's able to talk about something like that... 30 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,597 Course it will, of course it will. 31 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:32,357 I mean, you don't know if she was raped, if it was incest... 32 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,797 Beth, Beth, Beth. 33 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,477 We've always thought you were a bit gay. 34 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:40,557 That's very sweet, Fearne, but I'm not gay. 35 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,400 -Kitty's... -I'm your birth mother. 36 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,677 H-how... How do you... How do you know? 37 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,717 Cos I had a letter a few weeks ago. From the adoption services, 38 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,637 -after you got in touch with 'em. -The dates all match. And the ages. 39 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,917 I mean, we need to verify it, of course, but... 40 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,757 ...it seems pretty conclusive. 41 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:09,997 S-so how... How come that YOU found, erm... 42 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,517 -Kitty. -..before me? 43 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,677 It was honestly a complete fluke. We got to know each other 44 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,000 before either of us knew that we had any kind of connection. 45 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,157 You should have told me. Before... Before we came... 46 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,237 She tried to. She left a load of messages for you to phone her back. 47 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,760 But you didn't. 48 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,600 Are you all right? 49 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,277 -Yeah. -Are you, Kitty? 50 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,320 You deserve better than this. 51 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,637 You come in here and the first thing you do is tell your mu... 52 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,397 You get your wife to tell your mother why you can't stay long, 53 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,077 even though you haven't been here for months. And then you look me 54 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,517 up and down like I'm something you've just trod in 55 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,917 when you haven't got a fucking clue who I am. 56 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,997 And then you tell her you're going on holiday with your dad 57 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,637 cos you're "worried he's lonely". 58 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,957 What about her? Have you any idea what she's been through lately? 59 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,197 This kind, brilliant woman. 60 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,877 No, you don't. You've no idea because you never see her, 61 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,797 and you never fucking ask! 62 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,237 -Kitty, don't. -What do you mean? 63 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,877 Erm, I-I've just been a bit low recently. That's all. 64 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,797 -Have you? Why? -Oh... 65 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:18,157 -I'll go. - No, no, don't. Please don't. -What did you want me for? 66 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,477 I mean, was there a particular reason why you wanted to contact me 67 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,000 now or... you just want to know what I look like? 68 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,440 We, erm... 69 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,517 We were thinking about starting a family. 70 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,757 Really? Oh! 71 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,117 And... 72 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,357 Well, I think that's what prompted it, 73 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:42,597 if there was any medical history that we should know about. 74 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,880 Medical... 75 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,320 I don't think so. 76 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,000 I don't know. I've no idea. 77 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:59,920 -I'm sorry, Beth. I am going to go. -No, please. Kitty. Don't. 78 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,877 Well... 79 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,837 ...what've you been depressed about? 80 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:12,237 Oh, you know. Granny. Work. Being on my own. 81 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,117 And I'm just at that age. 82 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,477 Erm, so... 83 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:21,437 Anxiety, insomnia, apathy, low mood, brain-fog. 84 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,637 Feeling like you're disappearing down a black hole. 85 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,597 Drowning. Going mad. 86 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,637 Fading away. Just... 87 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,197 ...that sort of thing. 88 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,840 Look, I don't want you two to get off on the wrong foot. 89 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,837 And I did ring you last night, Tom. 90 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,317 TRICIA: - Oh! What time is it? 91 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:46,397 Doors open at seven and we don't want to be sitting at the back. 92 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,637 Or do we?! 93 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,597 {\an8}♪ Let's start a riot 94 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,357 {\an8}♪ We won't be quiet 95 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,277 {\an8}♪ Riot women gonna set this world on fire. ♪ 96 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,840 HUMS 97 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,520 {\an8}Do you feel randy? 98 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,677 {\an8}-I feel nervous. -No, I mean since we went to t'doctor's. 99 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,117 {\an8}Oh, the HRT? Yes! I do. 100 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,917 It comes over me every now and again in the most unlikely moments. 101 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,037 Which is bizarre and delightful 102 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,437 cos I had thought all that was behind me. 103 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,757 Do you know what? Right now I could shag anything that moves. 104 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,800 Anything with a pulse. I mean, anything. 105 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:36,237 Either that or I'm going to have to go into toilets and sort myself out. 106 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,837 Not in the infants', Kitty. 107 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,957 Come in with me if you want, finish me off. 108 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,637 I wouldn't know where to start! 109 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,317 Don't be so disingenuous. 110 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,877 I'm going to stop teaching you all those big words. 111 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,957 Maybe it's nerves. Maybe it's the adrenaline. 112 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,957 No, I think it probably is the HRT. 113 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,797 You know, I've started to feel about 100 years younger 114 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,357 -in the last few weeks. -You look great. 115 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,037 -So do you. -Come on, then. It'll only take two minutes. 116 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,437 I'm on fire. 117 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,477 {\an8}I'm very fond of you, Kitty. 118 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:07,557 {\an8}And it's sweet of you to offer. But, contrary to what Fearne thinks, 119 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,277 a deep dive into lesbianism at this late stage 120 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,597 is not on the top of my list of things to do. 121 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,477 We need to get you a fella! 122 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,357 You know Martin's coming, don't you? 123 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,637 {\an8}Oh, the thing is with Martin, though, he's long gone, baby. 124 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,957 {\an8}I know. I'm just saying. 125 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,317 {\an8}Oh, and the in-laws. 126 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,157 {\an8}Bloody hell. You wait till you meet them. 127 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,637 - POSH ACCENT: - "Oh, yes, we must come." 128 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,437 "Anything for the refugees. Ha, ha, ha-ha!" 129 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:35,757 Course it's all arse-wipe. 130 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,437 They couldn't give a fuck about the refugees. 131 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,837 They're just coming to gawp at you. 132 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,077 Well, they'll be disappointed, won't they? 133 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,517 What're we going to do about this low opinion you have of yourself? 134 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,357 Dunno. Drown me in a bucket? 135 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,597 Do you feel like that when you're singing, 136 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:54,117 on stage in front of people with that fabulous voice? 137 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,440 No. 138 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,717 -Tom hates me. -Don't say that. 139 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,877 I mean, I don't care. I mean, I do, but, you know. 140 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,917 As long as you and him are all right. 141 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,237 He doesn't know you. 142 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,797 But he will. In time. 143 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,477 Fuck's sake! I can't use me own kit. 144 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,517 -Why? -I've got to use the drum kit belonging to the fella 145 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,077 from that grandad band because there isn't time to take more than 146 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,197 one kit on and offstage during the performance and they've all decided, 147 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,477 in advance, without consulting me - because, you know, why would they? 148 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:28,757 That we're using his kit. 149 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,797 But he's being a twat and he won't let me practise with it properly, 150 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,597 which wouldn't be a problem if his hi-hat and his snare weren't, 151 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,277 like, f... king way up there. 152 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,957 And his crash and his ride weren't way out there! 153 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,517 So, look, if it all goes tits up in the percussion section, 154 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,597 -you'll know why. -Jess... Jessie. -Oh! 155 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:48,237 Look, I'm so sorry. It's crazy. Please don't fall out with me! 156 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,157 Look, we've had so many entries and if I have to clear 157 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,717 the entire rostra between acts we are going to be here till midnight. 158 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,157 Charlie, it's fine. We'll work with whatever's there. 159 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,837 We're can-do people, we're focused on the refugees. 160 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:02,477 I mean, we have been practising solid for, like, six weeks, 161 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,277 you know, but if it's more important for him to show off 162 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:09,317 his shiny new trap rather than be fair or reasonable, you know... 163 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,357 No, I actually feel sorry for him. 164 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,757 -Are we having a sound check? -Yes. -When? 165 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,717 -Well, the rest of your band is out there now. -What? 166 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,037 That's what we're doing! 167 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,597 OK, so we don't have long. 168 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,077 -Hallelujah. -You should've text us. 169 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,637 Yeah, cos I'm your PA. 170 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,397 Jess, do you want to try this again? 171 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,077 I've adjusted everything down a notch 172 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,277 so it's not too high for you, not too low for me, 173 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,997 and I've pulled the crash and the ride in an inch or so. 174 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,437 Come and have a go. 175 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,160 -See what I mean? -Bastard. 176 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,597 BABY GURGLES 177 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:41,317 I think she's upset. 178 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,517 Inez has joined the PTA now she's stepped down, so... 179 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,797 She needs to be on HRT like rest of us. 180 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,557 -She'd soon get over shit like that. -Language. 181 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,557 Kitty? Look at this. 182 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,640 Yvonne delivered this baby six week ago! 183 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,157 -I'm with Jacob. -Hiya. 184 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,640 He's been helping Yvonne with her guitar. 185 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,517 Do you want a cuddle? 186 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,637 No. I'll start lactating. I get ridiculous with babies. 187 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,357 Fuck's sake. It's only a baby. They're ten a penny. 188 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,197 Come on, we haven't got so long. Can't you do that later? 189 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,797 Come on. Let's get cracking. 190 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,997 I need to nip out and get some supplies before kick-off 191 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,237 -or I'll be climbing up the walls. -Where's Holly? -Toilet. 192 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,077 -She's got diarrhoea. -And our Nisha doesn't get off till six. 193 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,240 She did tell you that, didn't she? 194 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,320 Oh, here she is! 195 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,757 Oh, you're so nervous you've shat yourself? 196 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,997 It's not that big a gig, love. 197 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,437 I knew this'd happen. 198 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,677 Ah... Take your guitar to t'toilet with you? 199 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,917 Yeah, well, I couldn't get it off, could I? I had to waddle out 200 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:51,357 -so fast. -It's all that arse-action you've been involved with, innit? 201 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,277 Is it nerves, Holly? Will you be able to go on? 202 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,597 Yeah. What I'm really nervous about 203 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,797 is the fact that me mother's decided she's coming. 204 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,957 So I've had to persuade Adam and Carl to bring her 205 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,677 and so it's been all... 206 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,157 "What if she needs tekkin' to t'toilet? I'm not tekkin' her!" 207 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,637 Oh! It's like, why? Why? Why can't they just rise 208 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,437 -to the occasion now and again...? -PHONE RINGS 209 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,357 -...without turning everything into a... -Hiya. 210 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,117 - LOUDLY INTO MIC: - ..fucking opera? Sorry. 211 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,997 Are we doing this? 212 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,997 -You what? -I can't come. I can't get there. 213 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,757 You're joking. 214 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,397 Sergeant Arsehole's just dropped three hours compulsory overtime 215 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,957 on us all cause Scunthorpe's beaten Halifax 5-0 at home, 216 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,157 so all the numpties are going to get pissed 217 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,117 -and kick each other's heads in. -Hold on, babe. 218 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,877 They've just dropped three hours compulsory overtime on 'em all 219 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,117 cos Scunthorpe have beat Halifax 5-0 at home 220 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,917 so they need extra policing cos all the numpties are going to get pissed 221 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,397 -and kick each other's heads in, apparently. -No! - Shit. 222 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,837 I'm going to look like a right turnip doing these moves on me own! 223 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,437 Hang on. No, wait. Why don't I...? I can move you down the programme. 224 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,837 So I had you on at the end of the first act, 225 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,077 but if you went at the very end, then... 226 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,098 BABY CRIES 227 00:10:53,181 --> 00:10:54,117 ...yeah. 228 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,837 Cos... 229 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,197 -Yeah. -We won't be over by half past nine. Not even close. 230 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,237 -Thank God! Did you hear that? -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah! 231 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,037 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Right, are we doing this sound check or what? 232 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,437 -Yeah. -One, two. What... Can you put this on, please? 233 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,957 One, two. One, two. One... 234 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,597 BAND PLAYS 235 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,277 ♪ My, my 236 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,797 ♪ At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender... ♪ 237 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,920 INDISTINCT CHAT 238 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:32,437 -Right, I'm getting chewing gum, chocolate.. -Yep. - ..fags. 239 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,200 Imodium. 240 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,160 Kitty? 241 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,840 Kitty? 242 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,477 Hey! 243 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:55,800 Kitty! 244 00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,400 Kitty! 245 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,000 Hey! 246 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,160 Sake! 247 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,917 What am I fucking running for? I'm not fucking running. 248 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,037 -Don't you fucking touch me! -I'm not going to touch you, Kitty. 249 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,957 -I just... I just want to talk to you. -What about? 250 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,957 -You look amazing. -Oh, fuck off. -Look, I'm not with Shelley any more. 251 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,197 We never went to Antigua. 252 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,637 Well, I didn't. She took the kids and her mother. 253 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,157 I'm living in the flat, our flat. She wants a divorce. 254 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,957 -Oh, fascinating. -Look, come back to me. 255 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,560 What? I'm serious. 256 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,677 You got your mates, because you're such a fucking coward, 257 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:41,077 you got your mates from the rugby club to come and knock me about 258 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,557 and chuck me out on the street with nothing - literally, nothing. 259 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,077 And now you want me to come back? I ended up in hospital that night. 260 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,157 Yeah, but it didn't stop you smashing up my Jaguar the next day, 261 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,917 -did it? Come on, Kitty. -You think that makes us even? 262 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,317 Yeah, we both made mistakes. 263 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,360 -I haven't even started. -Look, I'm sorry. 264 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,277 I miss you. 265 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,397 No. 266 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,117 You miss having someone who can supply you with A-grade shit 267 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,437 to shove up your nose. 268 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:10,277 And do the kind of contortions in bed your wife wouldn't do. 269 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,317 I've moved on. 270 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,797 I've got stuff to do. So, seriously, 271 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,440 fuck off! 272 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,440 Oh... 273 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,357 SHE RETCHES 274 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,477 Oh, you fucking... 275 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:26,677 You... filthy fucking whore. 276 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,237 You'll die in a ditch one day, you. 277 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,518 SHE GASPS 278 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,797 Like you deserve, 279 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,480 like all the rest of your... 280 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,800 ...dirty, nasty family. 281 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,160 Fuck's sake, you mucky bitch! 282 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,637 -Right, come on, you. - Are we getting out? -Yeah. - Are we getting...? 283 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,077 -Yeah, yeah. -Right. 284 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:19,357 -Step to the side, will you? -Hello. -Hiya, Nancy. 285 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,757 Come on. 286 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,397 -Where are we going? -Here. Thank you. 287 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,877 - MAN: - So I was just standing there, 288 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,797 not thinking about anything really... 289 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,320 PHONE BEEPS 290 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,917 Oh, there's a queue. 291 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,517 Is it definite now, about this... 292 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,997 ...Kitty lady? 293 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,837 Yeah, we've had the documents. 294 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:56,717 And so how do you feel about it? 295 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,117 She won't talk about who my biological father is, 296 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:03,757 so I just have to assume that... 297 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,240 Yeah, he wasn't a very nice person. 298 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,197 "Rape, incest"? 299 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,480 Maybe. 300 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,157 -Maybe not. -Well, don't you think that if it was at all palatable 301 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:19,960 she would have told me? 302 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,920 -Either that or... -What? 303 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:29,157 She doesn't want to talk about it because she was... 304 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,077 -...complicit in it. -Complicit? 305 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,717 At 12? No. 306 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,920 All right, not complicit, but... 307 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:42,117 I... I was talking to a friend. At work. 308 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,077 And when I said her name, he went like, "Oh, my God." 309 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,557 And then he told me about this podcast. 310 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,077 Gangs Of The North. 311 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,157 And there is literally one about her family. 312 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,037 The Eckersleys. Keith Eckersley. 313 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,837 Deeply, seriously, unsavoury people. 314 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,477 So how do I feel about her? I don't know is the answer. 315 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,040 It's just... not... 316 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,477 I thought we'd have things to say to each other - we didn't. 317 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,717 The whole lunch was just awkward. It was ridiculous. 318 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,797 I mean, I had no idea it was coming. 319 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,357 Yeah, it does sound like it was handled rather badly. 320 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,200 I always imagined... 321 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,120 ...that I'd like her, and... 322 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,200 ...I don't know that I do. 323 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,117 -Oh, here she is! Miranda, we need you! -Miranda... - Why? 324 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,757 -Right, it's not entirely impossible that Nisha... -It's possible... 325 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,917 ...isn't going to get here on time, so we wondered... 326 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,637 We wondered if you'd step in with Kam, to do the backing vocals. 327 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,320 I can teach you the moves. 328 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:45,677 Uh... Why me? 329 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,197 Cos you've heard your mum warbling all our numbers, 330 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,557 at the top of her voice, apparently, at your house. 331 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,277 -So? -Oh, I can't sing. 332 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,997 Well, neither can I! That's our USP, Nisha and me - 333 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,677 we're hopeless. Look, she will get here. 334 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,157 It's just so, if she doesn't - which she will - 335 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,880 I don't have to do the moves on my own. That's all. 336 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:06,877 Uh, OK. 337 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,877 THEY CHEER 338 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,517 -Good girl. -Oh, my God. Is there somewhere we can rehearse, 339 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,917 -not in front of everybody? -Yeah, come with me. -Yeah! 340 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,837 -A tiny bit. A tiny bit. -But it's a big 'un. It is a big 'un. 341 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,717 MUSIC: Don't Bring Me Down by Electric Light Orchestra 342 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,717 ♪ You got me runnin', goin' out of my mind 343 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,837 ♪ You got me thinkin' that I'm wastin' my time 344 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,597 ♪ Don't bring me down 345 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,997 ♪ No, no, no, no, no 346 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,840 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh 347 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,237 ♪ I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor 348 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,560 ♪ Don't bring me down 349 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,597 ♪ You wanna stay out with your fancy friends 350 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,717 ♪ I'm tellin' you, it's gotta be the end 351 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,517 ♪ Don't bring me down 352 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,917 ♪ No, no, no, no, no 353 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,560 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh 354 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,957 ♪ I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor 355 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,200 ♪ Don't bring me down 356 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:14,357 ♪ Don't bring me down, groos 357 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,637 ♪ Don't bring me down, groos 358 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,717 ♪ Don't bring me down, groos 359 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:27,677 ♪ Don't bring me down 360 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,917 ♪ What happened to the girl I used to know? ♪ 361 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,597 Kam was going to teach Miranda her moves 362 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:35,037 just in case Nisha doesn't get here on time. 363 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,797 ♪ Don't bring me down 364 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,318 ♪ No, no, no, no, no... ♪ 365 00:18:40,401 --> 00:18:42,837 PHONE RINGS 366 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,797 Shit... I'm busy. 367 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,037 -Where are yer? -I'm not at The Duke. I'm doing something else 368 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,797 this evening, so don't even bother showing up there. 369 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,037 -I know you are. I'm here. -Where? 370 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:54,717 Well, I went to t'Duke and somebody said you were here. 371 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,877 -So where you sitting? -Here? You're at the school? 372 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,157 Affirmative. I'm stood at the back. Where are yer? 373 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,637 How've you got in? Tickets sold out weeks ago. 374 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:06,357 Yeah, I lifted a couple from this old fella's jacket pocket. 375 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,877 It's a shame, but they'll probably let him in anyway, won't they? 376 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,477 Him and his missus. 377 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,037 -He's lost the ticket. We can't find them. -What's the name? 378 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,717 Somebody said I get a free drink wi' me ticket? 379 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,997 Oh, Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you doing 'ere? 380 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,917 I've got some intel for you about your dad. Where are you sat? 381 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,517 No, I'm not... I'm not there. What intel have you got about me dad? 382 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,197 You kidding me, man? I've got me tea sorted now. 383 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,237 I'm not... in the audience. I'm with one of the acts. 384 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,877 Oh! OK. 385 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,117 -What about me dad? -OK, everyone got a seat? 386 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,797 -What about me dad? -Oh, there's two seats just here. 387 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,277 No, Charlie! These are saved for Auntie Mary and Dyson. 388 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,757 OK. Well, ah... 389 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,677 KITTY: Are you there? Are you listening? 390 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,317 Oh, there's one empty one along here. 391 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,757 -Spongebob? -Well, good evening, ladies and gentlemen! 392 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,717 Right, look, I better go. 393 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,997 It's kicking off, so I'll find you after. 394 00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,560 -Is there an interval? -Yeah. I don't know. -Break a leg! 395 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,280 Thanks. 396 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,837 -Pardon me. -I have had the pleasure of watching the acts rehearse 397 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,317 before today, and let me tell you, you're in for a treat. 398 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,637 It's so wonderful to gather the school... 399 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,757 Would you mind holding me that, love, while I open my crisps? 400 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,197 -Sure. -..for such an important cause, 401 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,637 and all proceeds from tonight's events will be going to charity. 402 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,037 -And your generosity will provide... -PACKET RUSTLES LOUDLY 403 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,597 ...essential resources to those who are most in need. 404 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,077 So, together, we can make a real difference to refugees 405 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:35,077 -who are seeking safety... -Here. -..hope and a new beginning. 406 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,957 INCOHERENT CHANTING 407 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,077 -You're chewing. -I'm not chewing. 408 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,037 -I can hear you chewing. -I'm sucking. 409 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,277 Let's have a look, then. 410 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,600 -I'm not chewing! -Let's see it, then. 411 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,360 Mm. 412 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,277 DISTANT SIRENS 413 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,277 Oh, no. No way, no way! You've cheated. 414 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,077 -You've put another one in. -When? When have I? 415 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,397 -You'd have seen me do it. -All right, come on. Best of three. 416 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,197 Oh, whoa. 417 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,437 That's right, love. You stroll on. 418 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,958 BANGING ON CAR 419 00:21:04,041 --> 00:21:05,477 -Wahey! -Pack it in! 420 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,037 Let it go. Let it go. 421 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:10,397 -How does that work, then? Woohoo! -CAR HORN BEEPS 422 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,717 -Knob. -Yup. 423 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,797 RADIO: - Nine-six-seven-five, are you free? 424 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,397 Landlord at The Old Cock has got some lads kicking off. 425 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,877 There's a fight escalating. There's six or seven of them apparently 426 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,800 and he's requesting police presence. 427 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,560 SIREN WAILS 428 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:32,477 -Seriously, you got a band together in six weeks? -Yeah! 429 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,797 -Nine-six-seven-five, code six. -Received. 430 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,797 What, you can all play all your instruments and everything? 431 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,437 -Yeah. We're shit-hot. -Are you? -Nah, but we have a laugh. 432 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,240 Well, they're having a bloody laugh. What am I doing? 433 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:49,120 SHOUTING 434 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,717 -Pack it in! -Ah! 435 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,037 -I'm going to kill him, and his fucking girlfriend! -Fuck off! 436 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,037 Bollywood, did you know your little piggy-wagon's 437 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,557 -had a little accident outside? -Fuck's sake! 438 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,120 Are you going to get your tits out for us, love? 439 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,037 Unscrew the light bulb, pat the dog. 440 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,000 Ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding... 441 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,280 -You're under arrest. -Shit! -Leg it! 442 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,557 -Split up - go that way! -Going left on Albion Street. 443 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,157 White male, grey trainers, light grey joggers, 444 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,880 has gone up King Edward Street. 445 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,197 I've got him. Got him down a dead end. 446 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,437 You're under arrest for criminal damage. Do you understand? 447 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,677 -No. -Up against that wall. 448 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,677 -I didn't do anything - I was just telling you. -Against the wall! 449 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,637 You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence 450 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,277 if you do not mention when questioned something 451 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,197 -you later rely on in court. -Oh, yeah? -Anything you do say 452 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,600 may be given in evidence. Do you understand? 453 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,037 -Put that down. -Yeah? -Put that down. 454 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,840 -Yeah? -Put it down! 455 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:56,237 -Grab her stick! -Nine-six-seven-five, urgent assistance... 456 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,317 Smash her camera. Smash her radio! 457 00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,880 Get her fucking kegs off! 458 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,560 COMEDIC SINGING OF MOZART'S DER HOLLE RACHE ARIA 459 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:38,400 A CAPPELLA VOCAL HARMONIES 460 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,597 ♪ You had no time for a wife or child 461 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,077 ♪ People thought it strange... ♪ 462 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,957 APPLAUSE 463 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,837 And then I realised they were talking about my baby, 464 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,840 not my husband. 465 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,757 LAUGHTER 466 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,117 ...to help me so if you wouldn't mind just putting your hands up... 467 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,480 CHEERING 468 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,397 ...to help me, please, 469 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,037 that would be really... Rubbish trick - let's get rid of that. 470 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,560 AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG 471 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,400 TUNING GUITAR STRINGS 472 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:50,517 -Kitty, can I nick some more of your vodka? -Sure. 473 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,677 -Kitty, can I? I'll pay you back. -You're not paying me back, kid. 474 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,877 -You're all going to be pissed by the time we go on. -Yay! 475 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,597 CROWD LAUGHS 476 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,077 -Keep your nerve, women. -I just think it'd be, you know, quite something 477 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:04,917 if we didn't make fools of ourselves. 478 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,157 Oh, God. We're not going to make fools of ourselves. 479 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,557 We are totally going to make fools of ourselves. 480 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,437 That's why we're here, isn't it? 481 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,637 -That's the interval folks! -Any good? 482 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,000 Yeah! I don't think we've got any real competition, though. 483 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,400 INDISTINCT CHAT 484 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,160 No, I don't... I don't want that. 485 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,917 So, do you have children at the school? 486 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,917 Me? No. 487 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,677 I'm 'ere to see, er... 488 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:59,357 ...me girlfriend. Yeah, she's in one o' the acts. 489 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,997 -Oh, really? Which one? -Oh, no, she hasn't been on yet. 490 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,797 Oh. 491 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:04,938 PHONE RINGS 492 00:26:05,021 --> 00:26:06,160 This'll be her now. 493 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,037 -Kitty? -Spongebob, you knob, are you there? - Hiya. 494 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:12,957 -Where are yer? -I want you to meet me outside. 495 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,440 In the infants' playground, round the front. 496 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,877 -It's very good, I'm enjoying meself. -What do you know? 497 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:03,517 He's here. He's in England. 498 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:07,720 He's been extradited from wherever he was and he's in Wakefield Prison. 499 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:13,957 How do you know? 500 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,640 Well, I know somebody who visits somebody in there. 501 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,557 When? 502 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,557 How long's he been there? 503 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,120 -Pass. -Why wasn't it in the news? 504 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,640 It probably was. Have you not Googled him? 505 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,157 Do you mind if I get back inside? Only, the fella said to be quick 506 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,637 getting another drink, cos he wanted to crack on wi' second half. 507 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,080 Yeah, yeah. 508 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,877 Nine-eight-three-seven. I'm in Shakespeare Street now. 509 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,197 Oh, it's dark. 510 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,800 RADIO: Nine-eight-three-seven receiving. 511 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,120 RADIO: Keep us updated. 512 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,120 I can't see anybody. 513 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,440 Hang on. 514 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,877 I've found a radio. And her bodycam. 515 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,320 Nisha! 516 00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:59,000 Nisha! 517 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:01,880 GROANING 518 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:22,077 You've got yourself into a right pickle here, haven't you? 519 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:23,757 You daft bitch. 520 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,280 Get me down. 521 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,437 Get me... 522 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,640 Yeah, I will do. I will do. 523 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,277 Just take a few snaps for me mates. 524 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:40,277 You don't mind, do you? No, course you don't. 525 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:41,840 Why would yer? 526 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,400 CAMERA CLICKS 527 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:57,120 Nine-eight-three-seven. I've got Nisha, I've found her. 528 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,437 She's been beaten up and cuffed to some railings. 529 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,197 Can I have supervision down here? 530 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:09,637 RADIO: Nine-eight-three-seven, all received, aware and en route. 531 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,037 Contacting ambulance... 532 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,157 Go on, pull your pants up. 533 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,757 I'm not even tempted. 534 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,397 Telling fucking Holly to go upstairs and squeal to boss. 535 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,680 Smart move. Not. 536 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:37,997 Jesus. Let's get you down. 537 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,600 HE GRUNTS 538 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:52,597 Whoops. 539 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,037 ♪ My weight 540 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,997 ♪ So let it flow 541 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,917 ♪ Oh, sit down, oh, sit down, 542 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,037 ♪ Oh, sit down 543 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,477 CROWD: - ♪ Sit down next to me 544 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:09,237 ♪ Sit down, down, down, down, down, down 545 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,920 ♪ In sympathy... ♪ 546 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,797 PHONE: Hi, this is Nisha. Please leave a... 547 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,117 I don't get it! She should be here by now! 548 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,757 She should have been here half an hour ago! 549 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:30,997 -Have you texted? -Yeah. 550 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,597 -Can you ring where she works? -What, 999? 551 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,357 -No. There'll be an office number. -Oh. 552 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,557 Oh, my God, we're going to be on soon. 553 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:44,237 You'll be all right, kid. It's just for a laugh, it's just for fun. 554 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,797 -Where are you going? -Find out where the others are. 555 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,837 ♪ When you feel all 556 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:52,317 ♪ Alone... ♪ 557 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:53,517 Fucking hell! 558 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,637 ♪ Now I've come back down again 559 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,197 ♪ It's worse than it was before... ♪ 560 00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,837 -What're they doing, all sat together? -Who? 561 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:01,717 Mary... 562 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,437 Shit, they're good. 563 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,917 Do y'know what, I've seen hundreds of bands like this. 564 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:07,397 You know, technically they're OK. 565 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,317 But they're not... they're not saying anything, 566 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:10,717 They're not doing anything new. 567 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,477 We shouldn't sing Waterloo. 568 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,197 We should do the menopause song you and Kitty wrote. 569 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,397 -We haven't practised it! -Yes, we have! - Ish. - I agree. 570 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,277 We might as well be properly unashamedly punk 571 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,397 and not give a shit if it's not perfect! 572 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:25,357 -And if they don't like it... -BOTH: - Fuck 'em. 573 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,157 -Is this the vodka speaking? -What if it is? 574 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:28,997 You're on in five, Riot Women. 575 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,757 The last two acts before you have now officially dropped out 576 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:33,037 due to technical issues, 577 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:37,877 so I've just got Mr Toplis and his Magical Musical... Kittens. 578 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,760 -And then you're on. -You're kidding! -I need the toilet! 579 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,037 Yeah, I-I-I'm fine. This is the song I know best, 580 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,517 it's the one she's always belting out around the house. 581 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,317 -Are you all sure about this? We're not doing Waterloo? -No. 582 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,997 -No, we're not. -And there's no moves, cos we've never invented any. 583 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,437 So just go for it, just give it loads of welly on the chorus. 584 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,757 I can't believe I'm doing this in front of Tricia and Graham. 585 00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:04,477 -Fearne's parents. -What about me? 586 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,997 I've got to do it in front of Chloe and fucking Inez! 587 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:08,277 They're out there now, 588 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:11,277 sat with Auntie Mary and Dyson, laughing their fucking heads off. 589 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,997 God's sake, Mother! Stop slagging Inez off! Move on! 590 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,317 For your own sake, if not everybody else's! 591 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,837 What-what-what happened again with fucking Inez? 592 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,717 It was me dad being a creepy old tosser! 593 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:25,117 Coming onto anything that moves, including Inez. 594 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,997 And her refusing to see what a philandering pig he was! 595 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,597 So she'd rather blame Inez - for telling her the truth about me dad. 596 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,637 Or say it were about Inez setting up her own place 597 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,917 when it wasn't. She thought the world o' you! 598 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,397 Well, I can't say I'm any the wiser, to be honest. But, er... 599 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,117 You're on in less than 30 seconds, ladies! Come on! 600 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:43,997 Let's boogie-woogie! 601 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,077 -Oh, come, come, quick! -Come on! 602 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,517 Come on! Let's have this conversation afterwards. 603 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,320 DISTANT CHEERING 604 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,237 You can do this. 605 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,517 You're all right, come on now. 606 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,957 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 607 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:59,517 Wow! Absolutely wonderful! Wasn't that splendid? 608 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:04,037 So original, so clever, I'm a fan, I'm a big, big fan. 609 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,757 Oh! Right, OK. 610 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,837 The next act is the final act of the evening, ladies and gentlemen. 611 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,597 -AUDIENCE: Aww. -I know, I know, can you believe it? 612 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,277 -I never thought we'd get here. -LAUGHTER 613 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,317 I have to admit, I'm extremely excited about this. 614 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,437 And they were one of the first acts to sign up. 615 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:23,838 SCATTERED APPLAUSE 616 00:34:23,921 --> 00:34:25,237 Ladies and gentlemen, 617 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,837 it's the Riot Women! 618 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,437 CHEERING 619 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,000 WHISTLING 620 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,437 Thanks. Thank you. 621 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,517 AUDIENCE QUIETENS 622 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:52,917 WOLF-WHISTLE 623 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,757 -Fuck off! -Oh, inappropriate. 624 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,637 We were going to do a cover of an Abba song 625 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:00,717 but we've changed our minds. 626 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,077 We're going to do a song that me and Beth wrote last week, so, 627 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,917 it might not be up to much. We might have to make it up as we go along. 628 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,757 -Woo! -Join in if you want. 629 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,477 Oh... 630 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,197 It's about the menopause. 631 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,197 Yeah! SCATTERED APPLAUSE 632 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:16,317 Woo! 633 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,440 LAUGHTER 634 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,240 Woo! 635 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:30,880 Yeah! 636 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,357 ♪ I'm so depressed, I can't get dressed 637 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,757 ♪ Having trouble hiding my lack of interest 638 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,157 ♪ Blood stains pouring like rain 639 00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:57,037 ♪ Borderline anaemic from bleeding all day 640 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,797 ♪ My time's waning, it feels like I'm fading 641 00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,317 ♪ Doctor told me to stop complaining 642 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,197 ♪ If it happened to blokes, God only knows 643 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:09,157 - ♪ We'd be getting HRT from Tesco - ♪ Am I invisible? 644 00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:12,877 -Woo! -♪ Am I untouchable? 645 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,637 ♪ Am I unlovable? 646 00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:18,597 ♪ Are you uncomfortable? 647 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:22,357 ♪ And I'm seeing red, red, red, red, red, red! 648 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,157 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 649 00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,917 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 650 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:33,877 ♪ Red! I'm seeing red, red, red, red, red, red! 651 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,437 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 652 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,397 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 653 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,040 ♪ Red! 654 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,957 ♪ I'm angry, I'm nice, I'm fuming, I'm fine 655 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,877 ♪ Mood swings leave me feeling like Jekyll and Hyde 656 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,637 ♪ Buckle up, it's about to get rough 657 00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:53,237 ♪ I'm on a roller coaster and I wanna get off 658 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,397 ♪ I've got a UTI, I've got no drive 659 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,357 ♪ Big surprise, my libido took a nosedive 660 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,957 ♪ Night sweats, too tired for sex 661 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:03,957 ♪ Lie awake thinking 'bout killing my ex 662 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,597 ♪ Am I invisible? 663 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:09,477 ♪ Am I untouchable? 664 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,037 ♪ Am I unlovable? 665 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:14,357 ♪ Are you uncomfortable? 666 00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:15,597 Woohoo! 667 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,957 ♪ I'm seeing red, red, red, red, red, red! 668 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,717 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 669 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,597 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 670 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:26,357 ♪ Red! 671 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:30,157 ♪ I'm seeing red, red, red, red, red, red! 672 00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:33,037 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 673 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,917 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 674 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,720 ♪ Red! 675 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:42,560 WHOOPING AND CHEERING 676 00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,037 ♪ Give me HRT 677 00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,037 ♪ Give me HRT 678 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,077 ♪ Give me HRT 679 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,917 ♪ Give me HRT 680 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,677 ♪ Give me HRT 681 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,397 ♪ Give me HRT 682 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,277 ♪ Give me HRT 683 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,517 ♪ Give me HRT! 684 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,637 ♪ I'm seeing red, red, red, red, red! 685 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:29,317 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 686 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,277 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 687 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,277 ♪ Red! 688 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,957 ♪ I'm seeing red, red, red, red, red, red! 689 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,597 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 690 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,437 ♪ Red, red, red, red, red, red! 691 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,477 ♪ Red! 692 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,357 ♪ I'm seeing red! 693 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,037 ♪ I'm seeing red! 694 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,157 ♪ I'm seeing red! 695 00:38:54,240 --> 00:39:00,677 ♪ I'm seeing red! ♪ 696 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,157 Woo! 697 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,237 CHEERING 698 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,400 Thanks. Thank you. 699 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,557 -I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! -No, Mum, 700 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:52,477 -it's not that. - I shouldn't drag you all into it. -It's not that. 701 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,117 -It's Kam's family - they've all walked out. -What? - What happened? 702 00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,677 Kam's... Kam's family have all walked out. 703 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,917 -What? -Oh, my God. -What? 704 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,517 -What? -What is it? 705 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,797 "Nisha's been involved in some sort of accident. 706 00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,517 -"We've gone to the hospital. Your song was lovely." -I've got to go. 707 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,637 -What sort of accident? -Is she conscious? 708 00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:11,797 -Oh, my God. -Right, I'm coming with you. 709 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,117 -We'll all come with you. -No, don't. There's no point, honestly. 710 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,157 It's better if you stay here. Ring your mum, love. 711 00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:18,437 Find out which hospital they've taken her to. 712 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:19,717 Come on, I'll drive you. 713 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,757 Look, I'll, erm... I'll phone you when we know anything. 714 00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,317 Oh, my God. 715 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,037 Do we have a result? Ah! Yes, we do! 716 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,560 CROWD OOHS 717 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,037 I can now reveal that in third place... 718 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:36,557 Oh, my goodness! 719 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,480 ...it's the Riot Women! 720 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:44,437 -Is that us? Third place? -Yeah. - Yeah. - Yay! 721 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:45,917 Well done, girls. 722 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,117 -I'm 59! -Sorry. Ladies. 723 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,317 -Who you calling ladies? -Sorry. 724 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,477 -Do we go back on? Is there a prize? -And in second place... 725 00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,077 No. 726 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,637 ...Mr Toplis and his Magical Musical Kittens! 727 00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:01,877 -Where are they? -What? -His kittens. 728 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,917 MEOWING 729 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,997 -And in first place... -Here we go. 730 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,237 I mean, it was always going to be them, wasn't it? 731 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,917 Ladies and gentlemen, it is the Living Legends Dance Troupe! 732 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,157 Oh, bad luck, kids! 733 00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,117 Another day, another dollar. Off we pop! 734 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,317 It's been an amazing event, the very best, 735 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,597 and thank you to all of you. So all that remains for me to say is 736 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,037 I hope that you get home very, very safely 737 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:28,560 and have a wonderful rest of your weekend! Goodnight! 738 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,600 Excuse me, sorry. Excuse me. 739 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,517 -I was so nervous when we started... -That was so fucking cool! 740 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:42,197 -Argh! -Thank you! -Oh, my God! 741 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,077 -Thank you for making us all do it. -No, no, no, thank you. 742 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,157 Oh! Tom and Fearne and everyone, 743 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:49,797 they're all going to meet us down The Duke after we've packed up. 744 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,797 -Oh, Nisha. - Is that OK? -Yeah, yeah. - Oh, please, please, 745 00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:55,557 -I hope she's all right. -Hello. Sorry. My name's Jenny. Lennocks. 746 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,397 My son's in Year Three - Lenny. Do you know him? 747 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,277 No. I'm a promoter. I find bands for local venues. 748 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,117 I didn't think I'd have my work head on tonight, 749 00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,437 but I've got to say that was amazing! Can I talk to you? 750 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,437 Goodness. They were excellent, weren't they? 751 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,237 Really, really, really good. 752 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,957 -Gosh, she really can sing. -Yeah! -What are we doing now? 753 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,837 Are we meeting them? Are we meeting Kitty? 754 00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:17,637 Tom, I was just saying, your mo... 755 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:21,197 Your other mother, she really can sing. 756 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,960 -Shall we get a shift on? -Yeah. 757 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,437 Oh! 758 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:31,557 -Fantastic! That's our neighbour. -Oh, is it? -Yeah! 759 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,717 Who cut your hair? 760 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,037 What do you mean? It's a haircut. 761 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,917 I'm going to have to go, lads. I'm going to have to go, Nancy. 762 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,437 One of my officers has been assaulted. She's in hospital. 763 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,717 Your mum's heading down there as well. It's one of her colleagues. 764 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,117 You'll have to see to Granny. 765 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,477 There's just me and two handsome men, then! 766 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:50,997 Right, come on, let's go. 767 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:54,397 You know, I was quite a looker, you know, when I was young. 768 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,040 They all fancied me. 769 00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,277 Who was that? 770 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,760 -Dad. -Dad. -Dad. 771 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,317 What are you fucking dressed as? 772 00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:24,637 Chrissie fucking Hynde, obviously. 773 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:27,957 -What's happened? -Well, they've, er... They've told me to hang around 774 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,237 in case doctors need any more intel, so... 775 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:34,077 -Yeah, but what happened? -She was beaten up. 776 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,757 -Beaten up how? -I don't know. 777 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,317 What did she look like? 778 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,237 -Blood. -Did you get her bodycam? 779 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,837 -It was smashed on the street, so... -DOOR OPENS 780 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:46,557 Shit. 781 00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,157 -Evening, sir. -Rudenko. 782 00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:50,880 What do we know? 783 00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:53,957 -Well, she was stripped... -Stripped? 784 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,157 ...and beaten and handcuffed to a fire escape 785 00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:59,597 down Shakespeare Street, sir. Massive blow to t'back o'head. 786 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:03,557 She was basically unconscious when I got there. She couldn't speak. 787 00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,637 Her bodycam had been ripped off and smashed, 788 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,677 but hopefully they'll still be able to get something from it. 789 00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,397 And then the trauma team were here as soon as we arrived, 790 00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:14,317 so she must've lost a lot of blood. 791 00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:15,957 They've taken her into resus now 792 00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,240 and they're saying they might have to transfer her to Jimmy's, so... 793 00:44:20,720 --> 00:44:22,597 -Good God. -Yeah. 794 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:26,880 Think there might be some neurological damage, so, er, yeah. 795 00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:30,560 Bastards. 796 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,960 Honestly, sir, the way I found her, it were disgusting. 797 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,397 -Is that the family? -Yeah. 798 00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:41,757 Well done, lad. 799 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:43,200 Sir. 800 00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,600 CHEERING 801 00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,880 Too kind. Too kind. 802 00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:21,037 Oh, my God, I'm going to have to get behind the bar, it's swamped! 803 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,117 Right, are you going to go and talk to that woman? 804 00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,357 -Oh, yeah. - Go on, yeah, yeah. - Sure. -Do you want me behind the bar? 805 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,197 No! You go and talk to Tom, love. 806 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:28,917 Oh! 807 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,117 -You were amazing! -Oh, hello, Graham! 808 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,277 -Really, really, very, very... -This is Graham, who's Fearne's dad. 809 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:36,557 And you wrote that song? 810 00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:38,877 Yeah, we did. We've written quite a few together now. 811 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,597 -This is Tricia, who is Fearne's mum. -Hello. -Hello. 812 00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:43,917 -My ex-husband, Martin. -How do you do? 813 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,117 -It's nice to meet you. -Can I get you a drink? -Hiya, Tom. 814 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,397 -Hi, Fearne. Er, no, thanks. -You know, you remind me of someone. 815 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,677 Kitty, you were brilliant. 816 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,397 Oh. 817 00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,637 Thank you. 818 00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,040 Thank you, love. 819 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,240 I'm sorry that we didn't get off to a better start. 820 00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,597 I loved it! 821 00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:16,760 -Oh, Mum... -You were so good! -So good. 822 00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:20,717 -Brilliant. -So good! -So good! 823 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,837 Who is it Kitty reminds me of? 824 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:24,600 Tom, I assume. 825 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:27,277 You were actually very good. 826 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,160 Don't sound so surprised! 827 00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:31,837 You look really well. 828 00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:33,997 You'll have to come over for Sunday lunch some time 829 00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,317 and meet Kitty properly. Without this lot. 830 00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:37,997 Yeah, I will. 831 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:42,197 -Oh, I need to talk to this woman, will you excuse me? -Sure. 832 00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:44,837 The excitement in the room, it was... 833 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:46,877 Oh! I just... I loved it. 834 00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,837 -I loved it! -Mum, do you want another drink? 835 00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,717 WHISPERS: You know what, I'd really like to fuck you. 836 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:54,837 SOUND DISTORTS 837 00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:58,597 So, have you sung in a band like this before? 838 00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:00,797 No, no. Just, um... 839 00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:04,717 Just a bit of karaoke now and again. Yeah, but, um, no, not before. 840 00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:06,077 Kitty, can I get you something? 841 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,237 Um, no, no, no, thanks. I've got to go and talk to that woman. 842 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,837 And did you grow up around here, Kitty? 843 00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:13,957 Um... Yeah. 844 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:15,757 Er, not... not in Hebden. 845 00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:19,037 I-I grew up more like over that way, like Bradford. 846 00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:20,717 Fascinating. 847 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,077 Ooh, and I met your boyfriend! 848 00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:24,557 I haven't got a boyfriend. 849 00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,437 I was sitting next to him. Blond hair. Friendly. 850 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,877 Oh, no. God, no. He's just some dickhead who follows me around. 851 00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,397 Oh! He told me he was your boyfriend. I see. 852 00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:34,317 And you've only been rehearsing for six weeks? 853 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,517 So, there's a lot I can help you with, if you're interested. 854 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,517 You've presumably got yourselves out there on social media? 855 00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:40,237 No, Jenny, we haven't done anything. 856 00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,397 We only got together for this talent contest, 857 00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:46,120 and then we discovered that we really can write our own stuff. 858 00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:48,957 Can you all stop pushing, please! 859 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:50,837 You're not going to get served any faster. 860 00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:52,760 Do you want me to help you? 861 00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:55,600 Yeah. 862 00:47:57,640 --> 00:47:59,477 Thanks. 863 00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:01,600 You want me to help, Jessie? 864 00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:05,277 Go on, then. 865 00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:06,797 Pint when you're ready, Jess! 866 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,117 I'll be with you in one minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh! 867 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,157 You know, you were amazing tonight. 868 00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:15,157 You have to come and perform in my bar. 869 00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:16,677 The dykes are going to love you! 870 00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,397 Yeah, yeah, well, we'll see about that, won't we? 871 00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:20,797 -Can I grab me some crisps as well? -Yeah, and if you shove a brush 872 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,957 up my arse, I'll sweep the floor as I go along. 873 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:24,637 And what do your family do? 874 00:48:24,720 --> 00:48:27,637 -I haven't got any family. -Oh, none at all? 875 00:48:27,720 --> 00:48:32,477 Er, well, yeah, there's me dad. But, erm... 876 00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:35,197 -Anyway, look, sorry, I've got to go and talk to this lady. -Of course. 877 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:39,437 It was SO lovely to meet you. I do hope we see you again. 878 00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,997 -Martin... -Er, could I just say... 879 00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:47,117 I know it's none of my business, but I think it's important. 880 00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:50,317 Tom's talked to us about everything. 881 00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:54,437 And I know it's something you must find difficult, but I think 882 00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,837 it's important for someone like Tom - psychologically, 883 00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:01,637 you know - to... to know who his father is. 884 00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:05,957 Is that something you might want to get together and talk about? 885 00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:08,877 -I'd like to help. -Yeah, well, you're not helping. 886 00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,997 And whispering obscene shit in my ear isn't helping anyone, either, 887 00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:13,640 you repugnant wanker. 888 00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:16,477 Oh. 889 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,357 OK. 890 00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,197 Well, 891 00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,557 I wouldn't fuck you, anyway, darling. 892 00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:24,277 Not for any amount of money. 893 00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,357 GAVIN'S VOICE: - You'll die in a ditch, one day, you. 894 00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:29,320 Like all the rest of your dirty, nasty family. 895 00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:03,397 Graham, are you OK? 896 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,760 I have absolutely no idea what that was about. 897 00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:10,477 GRAHAM GROANS 898 00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:12,000 What happened? 899 00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:17,400 GRAHAM GROANS 900 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,837 What-what... what was said? 901 00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:29,957 I just... I was complimenting her on her performance 902 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,317 and... Oh, I may have... 903 00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:33,637 What? 904 00:50:33,720 --> 00:50:36,240 Hinted that she really ought to talk to you about your... 905 00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,637 ...who your biological father is. 906 00:50:40,720 --> 00:50:43,237 I'm sorry. I am sorry, but I do think, at some point, 907 00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:47,237 for your sake, it's something she's going to have to talk about. 908 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:50,157 But, yeah, maybe now wasn't the time to say it. 909 00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:52,797 Right, do you need...? Do you think you need an ambulance? 910 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,117 -God, no. I'm, er... -I am so sorry, Graham. 911 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,360 -Don't be silly, you don't need to be sorry. -Did you bang your head? 912 00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:03,237 Oh, my God, it's going to fall out! 913 00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:06,517 I've got a meeting on Monday with some REALLY important people 914 00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,277 and that is going to fall out! 915 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,717 -Are you all right, Mum? Mummy? -Yeah, I just... 916 00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:13,517 I don't like violence. 917 00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:17,637 Excuse me. Sorry, sorry, excuse me... 918 00:51:17,720 --> 00:51:20,837 -Where is she? -Not answering her phone. 919 00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:22,360 Oh! 920 00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:28,237 How's she going to get home? I mean, there aren't any more buses. 921 00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,477 Not at this time. Not back up to where we live. 922 00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:32,437 Maybe she's already got a taxi back up there. 923 00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:35,237 But I've no way of knowing that. Not if she won't answer her... 924 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:38,157 -Are you all right? -Oh! 925 00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:41,397 -I worry about her. -Why? She's not a child! 926 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,397 Cos she's vulnerable. When I first met her, she was homeless. 927 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,477 Just six weeks ago, she was homeless. 928 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,757 Do you want us to come back to the house and wait with you? 929 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:52,037 Well... Well, yes, then if I got a lift with you, I can 930 00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:55,317 leave my car keys with Jess and I can text Kitty to say she has them 931 00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:57,437 -and then she can just drive herself back... -Hang on! 932 00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,117 -Kitty drives your car? -Yeah, well, she often does a late shift... 933 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,317 I don't believe this. Does she pay you any rent? 934 00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:03,757 Yes, she does pay me rent. 935 00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:07,397 Not much, but she doesn't earn much, so... Oh, God! I can't leave 936 00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,957 the car here, it's got all the equipment in the back! 937 00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:11,877 Well, maybe we could put it into yours. 938 00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:15,517 Yeah, and you do realise that she could just drive off with it. 939 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,560 -Where to? -Anywhere. -Why would she do that? 940 00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:24,320 What? 941 00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,517 -He's been listening to a podcast. -Sorry? 942 00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:34,277 There's a real-life crime series called Gangs Of The North. 943 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,317 And one of them... 944 00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:39,677 One of them is about them - the Eckersleys. 945 00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:42,717 Keith Eckersley. And his sons - her brothers. 946 00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,437 And they're... Well, most of them are in prison, 947 00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,957 or dead. But when they ran Bradford, 948 00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,237 they weren't very nice people. 949 00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,557 -How? -Drugs, money laundering. 950 00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,077 Violence, torture. Shall I go on? 951 00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,397 -Kitty's not like that. -SHOUTS: - She has just hit Graham! 952 00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:00,037 You obviously don't know what she's like. 953 00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,317 You see her through rose-tinted glasses, for some reason. 954 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:05,197 -I wish you could be a bit kinder about her. -Kinder?! 955 00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:06,797 We came to see your show. 956 00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,357 We came to see your show and she hit Graham! 957 00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,960 Who's she going to hit next - you?! 958 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:17,800 I'm going to try her one last time. 959 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,717 PHONE: - Sorry, the person you're calling is unavailable. 960 00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,157 Right, I, um... 961 00:53:31,240 --> 00:53:32,917 I'm going to go home. 962 00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,557 She can always knock on Jess's door. 963 00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:39,357 And, um, well, she can't expect me to stay here, can she, 964 00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:43,960 if she's not going to answer my calls... 965 00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,557 Shall we go with you? 966 00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,200 It's up to you. 967 00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:08,840 Ah! 968 00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:14,880 Great. 969 00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:20,557 Oh, no, no. No, Inez! 970 00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:24,237 -No, no. No more for me. -We're celebrating, come on! 971 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:27,677 You know you love a Negroni, Mother, especially one of Inez's. 972 00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:29,818 Fucking hell. 973 00:54:29,901 --> 00:54:31,957 LAUGHS 974 00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,917 -Mmm. -Ah, look at us! -Hmm. 975 00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:36,480 Eh? You and me! 976 00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:43,160 You see, this is the healing power of your beautiful music, Jessie. 977 00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,917 -Where's Miranda? -She's got her head down the bog. 978 00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,517 -Weren't you keeping an eye on her? -No, I mean, she doesn't usually 979 00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:53,837 drink like a pillock, does she? 980 00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:55,517 Oh, my God. 981 00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:56,878 I feel all emotional. 982 00:54:56,961 --> 00:54:58,237 LAUGHS 983 00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:00,437 Why do I feel so emotional? 984 00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:02,437 Oh, my God! 985 00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:05,397 It was SO good on that stage! 986 00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:08,637 Oh! And then, shit, Nisha. 987 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,917 Fucking hell, Kitty! 988 00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:14,157 Do you think... do you think he said something lewd to her? 989 00:55:14,240 --> 00:55:17,720 That Graham? I mean, do you think that's what...? 990 00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:20,920 Maybe. 991 00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:25,400 Is that what... 992 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,637 ...my Steve did to you? 993 00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:33,000 Said lewd things? 994 00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:40,920 I don't know why I never listened to you. 995 00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:46,317 Oh, he's always had this silly bloody effect on me. 996 00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:47,877 He still does. 997 00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,877 If he walked through that door right now, I... 998 00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:55,637 -I'd still fall it. -I, um... I feel emotional, too. 999 00:55:55,720 --> 00:55:57,597 You know why? 1000 00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,717 Because I'm back here, Jessie. 1001 00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,480 In your place, with its big beating heart and... 1002 00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:08,757 ...I love you. 1003 00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,037 I never stopped loving you. 1004 00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:14,037 Even when you hated me. 1005 00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:17,717 Well, I mean, it was just when you went broadcasting it to all 1006 00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:22,117 -and fucking sundry. -Only because you didn't listen to me. 1007 00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:24,157 I... 1008 00:56:24,240 --> 00:56:28,037 I was humiliated. I couldn't face my own customers. 1009 00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,077 Do you know what that's like? 1010 00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,600 You know, and then everything went tits up. 1011 00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:37,360 Now... 1012 00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:40,200 ...you have to forgive me. 1013 00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:45,677 Ah, for Chloe's sake. For... for the babies' sake. 1014 00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:48,637 For all our sakes. 1015 00:56:48,720 --> 00:56:51,037 Yeah, the babies aren't half missing you, you know, Mum? 1016 00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:53,360 Oh, and I'm missing them and all. 1017 00:56:56,600 --> 00:57:00,677 Well, you know we don't have a massive load of room in that flat. 1018 00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:04,957 So, we were thinking, well, Inez - Inez was thinking - 1019 00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:08,957 that she could let her flat out and, like, raise some money, you know, 1020 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:12,917 so we could get somewhere bigger - a house for all of us. 1021 00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:16,477 But, obviously, they'd need, well, we'd need - 1022 00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:18,157 we'd need somewhere in-between. 1023 00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,477 You know, so they don't feel like they're being shoved around 1024 00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,160 all over the place. 1025 00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:25,800 Oh. Oh, here? 1026 00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:31,440 MUSIC: Violet by Hole 1027 00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:38,120 ♪ And all the stars were just like little fish 1028 00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,960 ♪ You should learn when to go 1029 00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:49,080 ♪ You should learn how to say no! 1030 00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:55,360 ♪ Might last a day, yeah 1031 00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:03,317 ♪ Mine is forever! 1032 00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:06,000 ♪ Might last a day, yeah 1033 00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,117 ♪ Mine is forever 1034 00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,717 ♪ When they get what they want 1035 00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:17,197 ♪ And they never want it again 1036 00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,637 ♪ Go on, take everything! 1037 00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,837 ♪ Take everything, I want you to 1038 00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:25,397 ♪ Go on, take everything 1039 00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:28,597 ♪ Take everything, I want you to 1040 00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:31,077 ♪ Go on, take everything 1041 00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:34,597 ♪ Take everything, I want you to 1042 00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:37,197 ♪ Go on, take everything 1043 00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:38,597 ♪ Take everything 1044 00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:43,720 ♪ Take everything! ♪ 81675

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