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gorgeous Georgians
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fierce and toothless
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Horrible Histories presents...
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Ahoy there! Tis I,
Captain Ratbeard, aboard my vessel,
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the Ratty
McRatface.
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Aha!
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A scurvy ratscle like me can travel
around the whole world by boat
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if he knows what he's doing.
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Sadly, I haven't got a clue.
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I'm lost already.
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Help!
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Has anyone got a rat nav
or a Viking?!
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They had loads of ingenious ways
of navigating the oceans -
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long before people started using
technology to do the job.
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How are you enjoying your first
ocean voyage, Tristan?
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Huva! Huva! Ha-ha.
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Yeah, better out than in.
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Especially if you've been
eating fermented shark.
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Huva!
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Are we nearly there yet?
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Oh, yeah, almost there.
How do you know?
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Look up... What is it?
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Ugh! Huva!
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My bad, should have said look up,
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but keep your mouth closed
in case a bird does a poop in it.
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Anyway, these birds,
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they never stray far from land,
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so when we see them,
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we know we're close.
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Look, there's a lot of them.
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Excellent!
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That tells us that
we're very close to land now.
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But how do you know
which direction to go?
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There are certain clouds
that only appear above land,
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so we just simply head for them.
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Oh! Like that one up there?
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HE GROANS
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No, that's not a cloud.
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00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,960
That's the same group of birds
from before,
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but all bunched together
in a big poopy bunch.
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Huva!
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You don't say.
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Yeah, you don't often see that.
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So I see how the clouds
and the birds work, but...
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HE SPITS
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..we've sailed
all the way from Iceland.
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How do you know
which direction to sail
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when you're a long way from land
on the open sea?
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It's all up here.
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You see, I know that if we travel
from Snaefellsnes in Iceland
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to Hvarf in Greenland,
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the North Star will always
be the same height
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00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,800
above the horizon in both places.
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So, we sail for four days,
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keep the North Star
in the same place,
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and, well,
you should arrive in about...
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Hey, we're there!
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Where did you learn all this?
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Most Vikings learn
it from their families.
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Oh, wait,
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I didn't want to go
to Hvarf in Greenland.
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I wanted to go to Starr in Norway.
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What? But you kept saying,
"Hvarf, Hvarf."
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Huva! Huva!
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Oh.
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Huva!
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00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,720
I think I know what's happened here.
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00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,160
It's funny. I'm completely clean,
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00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,480
and yet you are covered in poo.
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BIRD SQUAWKS
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00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,400
Check it out.
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00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,760
It crosses oceans,
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it sails up rivers,
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it's a brand-new Viking longship.
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At top speed,
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it can go over
35km per hour!
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That's really fast! Really fast!
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00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,160
It can even sail through
terrible storms.
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00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,600
This beast is such a beast,
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00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,480
it even has a beast head
on the front!
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Beast heads can be anything -
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a snake,
a bull,
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a dragon,
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a hamster!
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Not a hamster.
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That's not beasty enough
for this beast.
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The longship is the same shape
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at the front and the back
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so it can go in both directions,
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00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,200
all you have to do is turn around
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00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,280
and row the other way.
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00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,720
In fact, I think the only problem
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with the longship is poo -
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it absolutely stinks when it's new.
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00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,640
Stinky ship alert! Ha-ha. Ha-ha!
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00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,040
It's covered in fat and sticky tar
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00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,720
to make it waterproof.
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00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,160
Ahh!
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00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,480
I think I'm stuck to the tar!
100
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,080
Ah, bums. Oy!
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It's nearly bedtime here
at YeBeebies,
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00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:22,640
so for all you little mariners
sailing off to Sleep Island,
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00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,200
we've got a special guest today
to tell us a bedtime story
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00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,600
about their real-life adventures.
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Hello, boys and girls.
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00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,120
I am Christopher Columbus
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00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,320
and in 1492,
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I sailed the ocean blue,
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searching for a new trade route
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between Europe and China.
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But what I actually discovered was
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an entire new continent -
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the Americas.
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What an adventure!
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It was full of exciting,
vibrant people
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that I could kidnap
and force to work for me.
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Sorry, what?
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And there was nothing
they could do
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because we were
so heavily armed.
120
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,760
OK, how about we just stick
to the adventure bits.
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00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,160
OK.
122
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:10,040
There were lots of swashbuckling
battles as we fought for our lives.
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There we go!
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Exciting! Charge!
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00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,080
The battles ended
when I cut the heads off
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three local people.
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00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,320
Here, let me
show you how I did it.
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00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,720
OK, seriously,
129
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,520
I think we should stop talking
about the nasty stuff that you did
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00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,040
to those poor people
who were already living there
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00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,160
and focus on the exploring.
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That's fine.
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00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,400
After we finished, there weren't
many of them left anyway.
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00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,000
Now, did you know
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00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,280
the Americas are filled with gold?
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00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,600
Oh, treasure! That's more like it.
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Did you have a treasure map?
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I didn't need one.
139
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,880
I just said I'd kill any
local person over the age of 14
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00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,520
who didn't bring me gold -
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00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,680
much easier.
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00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,360
OK. I think
we've had enough of
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00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,120
your adventures for one day.
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Possibly forever.
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00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,680
You know, I think
the message of my story
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is when you are faced
with an impossible task,
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00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,240
what you really need to do
is believe in yourself.
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Wow. That is a great message
for our children.
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00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,880
For example, I believed it was right
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00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,480
to have members of my own crew
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00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,000
whipped for buying food
without my permission.
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OK. OK, get out! Get out.
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00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,640
We're going to get
complaints about this.
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Oh, I had someone
complain about what I did once -
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I just cut out
their tongue.
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00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,760
What are you doing here?
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Goodnight, boys and girls!
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Goodnight, children!
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00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,520
Is he still here?
160
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,440
Is he... Which way is the canteen?
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00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,960
Oh, hello there,
are you looking to set sail soon?
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Well, then, you've come
to the right place.
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I'm Bessie Miller,
19th century sea-based sales woman.
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I, and many people like me, used to
sell something vital to sailors,
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but can you tell me what it was?
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Was it...
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The answer is C - wind.
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00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,880
We would sell wind to sailors
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00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,760
and they thought
if they didn't buy the wind,
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00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,360
their sailboats
wouldn't be able to sail! Ha!
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That's right, we claimed to have
complete control of the wind.
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SHE TOOTS
Oop!
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Sorry. Not that kind of wind.
174
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,520
SHE TOOTS
Oop!
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00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,840
Boats haven't just been used
to explore the oceans,
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they've also been used
to fight wars on them.
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00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:26,600
In 1588, King Philip II of Spain
unleashed the Spanish Armada,
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when he sent hundreds
of his ships to war
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00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,360
with England and Queen Elizabeth I.
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00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,440
His fleet was defeated,
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00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,120
but more armadas were soon to come -
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and they weren't all Spanish.
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Ahh!
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That huge amount of ships that
we sent against the English?
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I think we made them mad.
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Try and invade us, will you, Spain?
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Well, now, it's payment time!
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Sir Francis Drake.
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00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,760
Your Maj.
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Unleash the English Armada.
191
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,160
You had me at "Unleash the Eng..."
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Led by Francis Drake,
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aboard his ship Revenge.
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180 ships,
tens of thousands of soldiers.
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We shall destroy the Spanish fleet!
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Attack!
197
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,800
Wait!
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00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,920
Instead of their fleet of ships,
199
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,800
let's attack
the Spanish city of Coruna.
200
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,720
I wonder if they've
conquered Spain yet.
201
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,040
Hmm.
202
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,640
OK, it might take a bit longer
than I thought.
203
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,080
Longer?
204
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,240
The winds are blowing
in the wrong direction!
205
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,400
The men are dying of starvation
and sickness!
206
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,600
What are you complaining about?
207
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,200
We've still got 5,000 men.
208
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,800
Yes, but we started out
with tens of thousands of men!
209
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,720
That's not ideal.
210
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,080
You know the English Armada
211
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,720
we sent against the Spanish
212
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,240
because of the Spanish Armada
they sent against us?
213
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,760
Well, I think
they may be planning revenge.
214
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,160
No!
215
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,640
Yes, another Spanish Armada!
216
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,520
I'm beginning to think armadas
might be overrated.
217
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,680
Yeah.
218
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,960
Aha!
219
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,680
We pirates are the terror
of the high seas,
220
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,800
everyone be afraid of us!
221
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,080
Mostly because
we can't steer the boats
222
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,280
and we're always bumping into them.
223
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,760
But, you know, ships don't just go
travelling on the water,
224
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:52,120
they can also go under it -
in submarines!
225
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,520
But what's it like to actually
go in a submarine?
226
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,120
And when I say go, I'm not talking
about how you travel in one.
227
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,680
with a cape to hide your face
228
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,360
And then you're done
229
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,400
if you did a two or one
230
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,800
STOMACH GURGLING
231
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,320
Oh! Nein, nein, nein! Urgh!
232
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,400
Oh!
233
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,640
Greetings, friend.
234
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,440
Who are you and what are you doing
on my U-boat?
235
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,040
I am Loo Man, the living lavatory.
STOMACH GURGLES
236
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:37,520
And you look like a man who needs
a little U-boat kept in his room.
237
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,720
Yeah, I...I do.
238
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,680
Well, then, I would like to apply
for the jobbies.
239
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,000
We have a toilet.
240
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,560
I'm meeting the engineers there now.
241
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,920
Engineer? Yeah, flushing the boat's
toilet is very complex
242
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,560
and only a specially trained person
can do it.
243
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,600
I'm intrigued.
244
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,200
It is ready for you, Captain.
245
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,520
Oh, thank goodness!
STOMACH GURGLES
246
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,600
Oh, torpedoes away!
FARTING, SPLASHING
247
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,680
Oh, there we go. Oh!
FARTING
248
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,120
Tell me, mein freund,
249
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,040
do you call them the captain's logs?
250
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,760
Oh, this is the best!
251
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,040
Sorry, Loo Man. Oh!
252
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,000
A pleasure to meet
a fellow poo-fessional. Oh!
253
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,280
Feel better?
254
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,680
Oh, yes. Thank you.
255
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,160
I'd give it funf if I were you.
Yes, Captain.
256
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,680
Er, you may flush
when ready, engineer.
257
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,040
Aye, aye, Captain.
258
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,400
Ergh.
259
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,440
Right. Right.
260
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,200
Hello. Goodness, yeah, my setup's
a lot simpler than yours,
261
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,600
if you want me to take you
through it.
262
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,960
Er, nein. Danke.
263
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,520
Please do not disturb me, I must
turn these levers and valves
264
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,960
in exactly the right order,
265
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,680
otherwise the sea water
266
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,720
will flood into the vessel.
267
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:43,880
OK, yeah, of course.
268
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,280
Erm, out of interest,
269
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,640
how many buckets worth of bum
bratwurst does this baby store?
270
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,440
Well, actually, the sub does not
store its poop.
271
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,960
Instead, we fire turd-pedos
into the ocean
272
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,520
with compressed air.
273
00:11:58,520 --> 00:11:59,920
Love it!
274
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,320
ALARM BLARES
Hello!
275
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,320
What's happened?
Has it done a floater?
276
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:05,840
Oh, no.
277
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,320
I think I did the wrong sequence.
278
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,920
The toilet is filling up with
sea water and the captain's logs...
279
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,960
Oh, you do call them
the captain's logs, then!
280
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,640
Captain, the toilet sewage has
leaked into the ship's batteries
281
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,880
and the sub is filling
with poisonous gas!
282
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,120
We must surface
and abandon ship!
283
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,680
Oh, dear. Abandon ship! Code brown!
284
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,800
Abandon ship, abandon ship!
285
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,440
EXPLOSION
286
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:27,920
Could've used the bucket.
287
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,240
Am I in? Get back a bit, a bit.
288
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,240
If this doesn't go viral,
it's on you, all right?
289
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:36,800
OK, I'm going.
290
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,720
What's up, boat fans?
291
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,560
Want to make a top of the line
Assyrian riverboat?
292
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,280
You need three things.
293
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,840
And there's a secret
294
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,000
third ingredient.
295
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,120
DONKEY BRAYS
Whoa! That's right, a donkey.
296
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,960
This boat puts the ass
297
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,120
in Assyrian.
298
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,560
What you need to do is
first make a wooden frame,
299
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:05,040
you line it with inflated
animal bladders...
300
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,480
..then this boat is going
to float you
301
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:11,320
all the way downstream
to Babylon, baby.
302
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,720
But it's a bit harder getting back
303
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,240
cos the water's going
the wrong way.
304
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,800
That's where the donkey comes in.
305
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,200
So, what you need to do is dismantle
306
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,800
the boat and sell the wood.
307
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,560
Cha-ching!
308
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,720
Then you need to put the inflated
animal bladders on the donkey
309
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,280
and walk home,
310
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,720
letting the donkey
311
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,200
do the donkey work.
DONKEY BRAYS
312
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,480
That's right, my friends,
313
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,600
this boat is geni-ass.
314
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,800
DONKEY BRAYS
Ow, ow! I hate that donkey!
315
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,320
Yeah!
316
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,560
Ever since there have been ships
at sea, there have been pirates,
317
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:50,280
even as far back as
Ancient Roman times.
318
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,760
A young Julius
Caesar found that out long before
319
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,600
he became a famous Roman general,
320
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:59,640
when pirates captured him
while he was studying in Greece.
321
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:00,800
GASPS
322
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,960
Captain, we have captured
323
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,200
a young nobleman. He's a Roman.
324
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,480
Perfect.
325
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:13,280
Tremble, Roman, for you have been
captured by the Cilician Pirates.
326
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,160
Yeah, can we hurry this up?
327
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,000
Eh? Look, I'm Gaius Julius Caesar.
328
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,560
I've got a lot on and this is really
starting to drag.
329
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,800
Tremble, Ro... But we did that bit!
330
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,000
Can we just get to
the ransom demand?
331
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,840
Right, if your friends want to see
you alive again...
332
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,080
Yeah, blah-blah-blah.
333
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,640
Yeah, how much? You serious?
334
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,960
20 talents of silver.
335
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,560
20! Yeah.
336
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,480
How dare you?!
337
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,200
Tie me up. Wrists.
338
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,680
I'm staying right here
until you get a fee worthy of me.
339
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,400
I mean, honestly! Ankles.
340
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,120
I... I'm worth 50 talents, at least.
341
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,400
Fine, then.
50 talents, please.
342
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:52,600
Thank you!
343
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,080
20! Genuinely hurt by that.
344
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,040
OK, I'll get my men
to arrange the payments.
345
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,320
Huh! Huh! Oi, men!
346
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,080
I've been captured by
Ci... Cilisi...
347
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,680
Cilician. Cilician pirates!
348
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:09,960
I need you to go around the Aegean
coastal cities and raise 50 talents.
349
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,480
And if they complain,
kindly remind them
350
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,600
that if they were
patrolling properly,
351
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:19,040
then we wouldn't be having so much
trouble with these low lives!
352
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,600
No offence.
353
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,640
Huh! Hu-uh.
354
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,080
Down.
355
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,760
Steve, you don't have to.
356
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,200
Good boy.
357
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,840
What are you doing? Ah!
358
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,560
So, what have you guys got planned
for entertainment?
359
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,680
Entertainment?
360
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,320
Well, sometimes we play ballgames
or hold athletic tournaments.
361
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,040
We should be quiet.
I don't want to play with him.
362
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,520
Sounds fun, I'm in.
363
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,120
Oh, and also I'm going to need
a few of your men for an audience.
364
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,000
Audience? Yeah, I'll be writing
some poetry whilst I'm here
365
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,520
and it'd be good
to get some feedback. Feedback?
366
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,480
Well, my men don't really
like poetry.
367
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,720
Great! I've been kidnapped
by a bunch of oiks
368
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,280
who don't appreciate the arts.
369
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,800
Urgh! Fine, I'll just
get some shut-eye.
370
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:57,920
Just keep it down, yeah?
371
00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,320
No, I will not keep it down!
372
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,280
I've got to keep it loud.
I'm a pirate!
373
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,800
Shush! Oh, and by the way,
374
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,920
when I get free, I'm going to
hunt you all down
375
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,400
and have you crucified -
and not in a nice way.
376
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,720
Oh! I'd rather that
377
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,240
than listen to his poetry.
378
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,360
Oh-ho-ho-ho! The burn.
379
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,880
I can hear you, you know?
380
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,080
Sorry.
381
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,400
Almost home to Spain,
382
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,840
I can't wait to...
SQUEALS
383
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,240
Arrgh!
384
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,960
THEY GASP
385
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:28,200
Boarded by pirates when we were
almost home to Spain.
386
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,200
Pirates in this part
of the Mediterranean?
387
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,840
You know what that could mean...
388
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,840
They are going to
rob and torture us?
389
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,360
GASPS
You don't think it means
390
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,360
we're being boarded by...
Sayyida al-Hurra!
391
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,280
Ya!
392
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,840
CHEERING
393
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,520
What a queen!
394
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,880
Yes, pirate queen.
395
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,560
What are you both so happy about?
396
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,840
We're going to get killed.
397
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:53,760
Quake in fear, for it is I,
Queen Sayyida.
398
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,360
Look, it's going to take ages
to write the whole thing,
399
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,640
can we just all agree
it says "Sayyida"?
400
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:00,960
Die, pirate queen!
401
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,200
Wah!
402
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,360
GASPS
You're amazing.
403
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,960
Seriously?
404
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,920
You're fawning over a pirate queen.
405
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,720
Sayyida isn't just a pirate queen.
406
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,480
She's the Queen of Morocco.
407
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,960
Oh, yeah, the Sultan of Morocco
put a ring on it.
408
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,480
Oh, would you sign my arm?
409
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,240
Oh, I'm assuming you're not planning
to chop it off or anything.
410
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,200
I'm more into gold
than terrorising people.
411
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,920
Unless you're Spanish.
THEY TREMBLE
412
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,280
The reason I do all this
is to get my revenge on the Spanish
413
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,360
for invading my home
in Grenada and exiling me.
414
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:32,560
GASPS
415
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,640
Er, what name shall I put?
416
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,320
Carlos.
417
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,520
PIRATES SNARL
418
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,080
That's a Spanish name, innit?
419
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,800
Oh, erm, yes. A bit.
420
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,120
It's, er, short for Charles.
421
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,920
Hmm, OK.
422
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,880
"To Charles, from Sayyida."
423
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,760
There. Oh, thank you!
424
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,160
Oh, for a moment there,
I thought you were about to kill me.
425
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,440
Oh...
CHUCKLES
426
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,480
..I am going to kill ya.
427
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:56,600
GASPS
428
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,720
But now they can use your arm
to identify you
429
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,200
after I've cut
your Spanish head off.
430
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,600
Well, I don't mind.
431
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,440
I've met Queen Sayyida,
so I can die happy.
432
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,960
Do you, er, know these two?
433
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,120
No, no, no!
434
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,400
Where are my manners?
435
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,280
This is Fernando and Manuel.
436
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,880
Oh, goodie, more Spaniards.
437
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,400
Well, gracias for nothing!
438
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,120
Ah, killed by Queen Sayyida.
439
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,160
I can't wait to tell everyone
back home.
440
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,360
Worst voyage ever!
441
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,840
John?
442
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,080
Yeah.
443
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,680
I was just, er, thinking about
our future together.
444
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,840
Oh, no, here we go again.
SIGHS
445
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,040
I think we should take
our pirate relationship
446
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,400
to the next level.
447
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,800
I want to have a matelotage.
448
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,640
Pete, now is not a good time
to talk about this.
449
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,120
Stinky Joe's listening.
450
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,480
Don't mind me!
FARTING, SPLASHING
451
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,520
Oh! Sorry to interrupt,
452
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,920
but, er... Oh!
453
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,080
What's a matelotage?
FARTING
454
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,040
Well, you know, it's when
two pirates formally pair up
455
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,400
and share their belongings.
456
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,280
Oh, like getting married.
FARTING, SPLASHING
457
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,000
Oh, cor, it's like
I've eaten a load of gunpowder
458
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,360
and then stuck a lit match up me...
459
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,840
It's nothing like getting married!
FARTS
460
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,800
Anyway, I've drafted up
this contract for us.
461
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,320
I'm going to read it aloud
and if you agree,
462
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,320
you can just say, "I do."
463
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,240
It sounds a bit like wedding vows.
FARTING, SPLASHING
464
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,880
Oh! I don't know what I'm going to
do when the bucket's full.
465
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:17,960
Pete, stop.
466
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:22,560
Do you, John, take me, Pete,
467
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,400
to be your lawful
buccaneer partner?
468
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,760
Sounds exactly like wedding vows.
469
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,600
We can seal a deal by, er,
exchanging some of our treasure
470
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,040
as a sign of trust.
471
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,080
Oh, yeah.
472
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,280
A couple of rings, maybe.
473
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,720
Shut it, Stinky Joe!
474
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,400
OK, coincidentally, yes,
I was going to suggest a ring
475
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,680
that I stole when we plundered
the Queen Mary.
476
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,600
You know, I thought right then
477
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,440
that you are the shipmate for me.
478
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,120
I promised meself I wouldn't cry.
479
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,960
FARTING, SPLASHING
Oh!
480
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,240
But that's going to bring tears
to anyone's eyes!
481
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,080
Shush! It's not a wedding,
482
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,840
it's a matelotage.
483
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,680
Pete, I'm flattered, I really am,
but I just can't commit...
484
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,960
And when I die, as is traditional
with all matelotages,
485
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,360
you get to keep all my stuff.
486
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,040
Pete! You're not listening.
487
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,360
I can't have a matelotage with you!
Why not?
488
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,640
Because I'm having a matelotage
with someone else, all right?
489
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,240
FARTS
490
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,200
Well...this is awkward.
491
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,440
FARTS
492
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,960
Pete, please, say something.
493
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,160
GROANING, SPLASHING
494
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,560
FARTS
495
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,240
Frankly, I think that says it all.
496
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,520
Pete!
497
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,360
Hi, guys!
498
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,560
She's Anne Bonny,
499
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,640
I'm Mary Read,
500
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,800
and together, we put the "Grrrrrr!"
501
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,400
in girl-boss pirates.
502
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,880
Thanks for joining us
for our step-by-step guide to...
503
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,560
Now, we all find our pirate crews
in different ways.
504
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,280
I disguised myself as a man...
505
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,480
Oh, manly!
506
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,640
..and joined a ship
headed for the West Indies.
507
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,960
When we got attacked
by pirates, I thought...
508
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,920
And I joined the same crew as Mary.
509
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:04,960
We are...
510
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,640
Now, you can't be shy of a bit of
fisty cuffs if you're a pirate.
511
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,680
Mary here likes to shoot people
for being cowards.
512
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,560
Guilty.
513
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,240
Now, all of this can get you into
a teensy bit of trouble. Argh!
514
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,640
Admittedly, this is the one
that we're not so good at.
515
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:34,680
Oh!
516
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,440
But definitely worth
putting in the effort
517
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,440
because it could save your life.
518
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,560
Ooh!
519
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,240
When our pirate crew was captured
520
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,480
by the British Navy
and sentenced to death,
521
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,400
Anne and I did something called...
522
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,280
So we went up to the executioner,
523
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:53,600
and in our best, sweetest,
most ladiest voices, we said...
524
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,320
And action!
525
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,840
"Please, mister, don't kill me,
526
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,200
"I'm just a sweet little lady
527
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,000
"with a pirate baby in her tum-tum".
528
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:08,360
"You wouldn't hurt a lovely little
baby pirate lady, would you?"
529
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:10,880
And it worked! Ah!
530
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,120
No executions for us,
we were in the clear.
531
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,080
Well, almost.
532
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:19,440
Right, ladies, the judge
wants to see you again.
533
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,680
Pleading the belly
only gets you off the hook
534
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,520
while you're actually pregnant.
535
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,440
Well, that's all we've got time for
today, girl boss pirate fans.
536
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,160
Don't forget to smash a like.
537
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,680
And if you see us coming,
538
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,000
run for your lives! We're pirates!
539
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,760
Arrrrr!
540
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,280
For much of history, only men
were encouraged to be sailors.
541
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,440
But that didn't mean women couldn't
find their way onto ships, too,
542
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,120
and not just as pirates.
543
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,840
Even though you had to be a man
to join the Royal Navy
544
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,040
in the 18th century,
545
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,880
one clever young woman
found a way to break the rules
546
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,440
and get herself onboard.
547
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,960
Well, men, after many long years
in the Royal Navy,
548
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,840
we're finally back in England.
549
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,360
I'm proud to call you my brothers.
550
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,440
Peter.
551
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,960
Right back at you, man! Ha!
552
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,680
Michael. Brother in arms.
553
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,440
And old James.
554
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,080
Hey, brothers, men we all are.
555
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,280
Ha-ha!
556
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,160
Oh, do you know what?
I'm going to have to come clean.
557
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,960
Speak your mind, my man.
558
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,240
Yeah, see, I'm not a man.
559
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,920
I'm a woman.
My name is Hannah Snell,
560
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,760
and I only pretended to be a man
so I could join the Royal Navy.
561
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,400
Oh! Oh.
562
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,880
But James... Hannah.
563
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,760
Did this happen
when you came on land?
564
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,920
Is this like a mermaid thing
where you become a man
565
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,240
when you go out to sea?
566
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,040
No, I've always been a woman.
567
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,480
Look, I only signed up to the Royal
Navy so I could find my husband.
568
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,840
He was a Dutch sailor and he
abandoned me after we got married.
569
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,240
And did you find him, James?
570
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,040
Hannah. Er, erm...
571
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,240
Yes. Aw.
572
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,440
He'd been executed.
573
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,720
Oh! Yes, that's less cute.
574
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,520
Why'd you bring that up? My bad.
575
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,080
I'll be honest with you, James...
576
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,280
Hannah. ..this is a lot to take in.
577
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,680
Seriously, none of you
were suspicious about anything?
578
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,080
IMITATES EXPLOSION
No.
579
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,040
Well, we've been sailing around
together for years.
580
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,200
This has come completely
out of the blue for me.
581
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,920
Michael, you used to
call me Miss Molly!
582
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,960
Yeah, on account of your
smooth ladylike cheeks
583
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,040
and the fact you never
had to shave your beard!
584
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,680
What, and that didn't
ring any bells?
585
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,800
Well, we just thought
you were Norwegian.
586
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,840
OK, what about that time I got shot?
587
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,440
Instead of using
the regiment's surgeon,
588
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,120
I insisted on
dealing with it myself?
589
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,200
Well, I just thought
that was very manly.
590
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,520
Coolest thing
I've ever seen.
591
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,440
No, it was because some of the
wounds were near me lady bits
592
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,160
and I didn't want to get found out.
Whoa! TMI.
593
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,280
Well, James... Hannah.
594
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,440
Whatever your name is,
595
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,400
we do so hope that you will join us
on our next voyage.
596
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,280
Aye. That's very kind of you,
597
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,840
but there's absolutely no way the
Royal Navy will let me stay on now.
598
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,840
Probably just head home,
599
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,000
write a book, maybe run a pub.
600
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,880
Pubs?! They're no
place for ladies!
601
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,600
We're in one right now!
602
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,680
Also, I can handle myself.
603
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,400
Remember, I was literally with you
604
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,640
in the middle of the fighting
in India.
605
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,600
I got wounded in my legs 11 times.
606
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,280
Good times. Yes.
607
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,800
Well, Miss Molly,
608
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,840
it's been an absolute honour
to serve with you. Yeah.
609
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,000
To James! To Jimmy! To James!
610
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,480
Oh, it's Hannah.
611
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,760
Now, who's Molly?
612
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,200
Because if I'm honest with you, I
have not been following this at all.
613
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,440
Well, shipmates, our voyage is over
614
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,960
and we're coming back
safely into port.
615
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,680
Nothing can go wrong...
EXPLOSION
616
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,160
GASPS
Ah!
617
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,160
My boat's sprung a leak!
618
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,760
I'm sinking!
619
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,720
And I was so close to home!
620
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,480
Still, it's not the first time
a ship went down close to home.
621
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,480
Henry I's White Ship went down
with his son and heir onboard
622
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,600
as it was leaving port.
623
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,360
Henry VIII's Mary Rose sank
just outside Southampton.
624
00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:47,440
And Swedish King Gustavus Adolphus's
super ship, the Vasa,
625
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,840
sailed less than a mile
before it sank.
626
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,840
Ah! Rats can swim, right?
627
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,680
I guess I'm about to find out.
Ahh, ahh!
628
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,000
Oh, my goodness!
629
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,440
Look at that boat, it's sinking.
630
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,200
But isn't that boat
the White Ship?
631
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:06,280
King Henry's son William Adelin
is onboard that boat. Yeah.
632
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,480
but they make us cry
633
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,520
with the heir to the crown
634
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,920
and a leak got sprung
635
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,080
when they sailed home from France
636
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,720
My heir got sunk
637
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,600
Now there's gonna be war
638
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,720
Yeah!
639
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:28,760
Yeah!
640
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,320
when I fight in France
641
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,280
took too much of a chance
642
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,440
When she turned in the wind
643
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,800
And she got sunk
644
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,080
they achieved nada
645
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,520
Yeah!
646
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,600
Yeah!
647
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,520
Yeah!
648
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,280
Yo-yo! MC King Gustavus Adolphus
on the decks.
649
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,600
Well, on the deck.
650
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,160
to put Sweden on the map
651
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,000
and the crowd began to clap
652
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,720
And she got sunk
653
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,040
As the world stood and watched
654
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,040
Yeah!
655
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,840
Fancy pretending it didn't happen?
656
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:33,920
No. No.
657
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,080
Worth a try.
658
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,880
I am Loo Man, the living lavatory.
659
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,920
Or as you might say in Germany,
the cape...
660
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:57,280
Ha-ha!
661
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,600
I've turned into a muppet,
that's what happened.
662
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,040
Urdy-hurdy.
47298
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