All language subtitles for 1 1 Nobody Wants This S02E08

This is the kind of quality time I've
always dreamt about.

Wow, I forgot you were even here.

Hey, when are you guys recording the
podcast this week? Do you need some more

nose corner?

We always need more nose corner.

I'm not sure when we're recording this
week.

Okay. Hey, what are you guys doing here?

Hey. Hey.

Hey, how are you? I'll join you. Oh,
okay. You guys see the Warhol piece

No. No, we didn't come for the art. We
came because they have a good gift shop

and they have excellent chai.

So no art at all? No, I promised her we
wouldn't. My body shuts down inside

museums. Like, I stand in front of a
piece of art, and I feel compelled to

see something I don't actually see. I
can't be myself in front of art. Yeah, I

get that.

Hey, how's it going at Ahava?

Was I right about that place or what?
Oh.

Right? So right.

So right. It's great. It's, you know,
Neil and Cammy. They got very cool

Um, how are you? How's the fam?

Oh, man.

Um, Abby and I are done.

Whoa. So, oh, my.

God, I can't believe it. You guys seemed
so happy.

Yeah, but it was fake.

Instagram is fake.

Life's a wild journey, man.

You do seem lighter.

Thank you. Yeah, we both are. We both
are. I think it's for the best.

Well, listen, I've counseled a lot of
couples going through some tough times.

I'm your rabbi now. I'd love to talk
about all of this with you. You know,

hopefully there's some possible
solutions that don't involve separation.

Obviously, it's not just you and Abby
now. This afternoon, there's Jesse

Charles. Why don't you come by my office
tomorrow?

I don't know.

It would be an honor. It would be a
pleasure. Whatever comes of it. Okay,

do it. Okay, great. Okay, good. I look
forward to it.

I'll see you then. Text me and let me
know when. Okay. Love you guys.

Love you too.

Oh, man.

I wonder who I can set Abby up with.

Joanne. What?

Any marriage ending is sad.

I don't agree.

I think you have one life to live, and
sometimes the person you marry isn't the

person you end up being married to.

Do that make sense?

Not really, but listen, I've seen a lot
of couples that are ready to give up,

and they found a way to fall back in
love. It happens.

I'm sure that that happens, but I think
there's also couples who stay together

way too long, and that makes it worse,
especially on the kids.

No, obviously, your parents' situation
is different. But is that the only way

can be different? Like, can you only get
divorced if one of them is secretly

gay? Yeah.

Yeah, 100%. Listen.

Where are you going? You know what? I
gotta go.

I'm meeting Batya soon.

Who's Batya? That would be your mother.
She picked her Hebrew name.

Okay, well, let me know if she shows up.

She usually gives up on stuff.

Right about now.

Patia, I'll be there. Okay. Are you good
with all this stuff? Yeah, I'll just

clean all this stuff up. Okay. And then
if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen,

okay? I know you will.

All right, bye.

So, number one, I wanted to start a
relationship with your synagogue, as it

seems the right fit.

Does she know we know each other, or is
that illegal?

yeah it's legal and uh number two i
wanted to do conversion classes here

i love noah both on the inside and out
and looks are very important to me me

same page okay well listen uh typical
conversion takes about a year uh unless

don't know unless the hava has a
different protocol well we have the half

which we call the loose conversion and
then we have the full year which we call

the conversion no one's ever asked for
Oh, wow. Six months doesn't really seem

like enough. I'm very loose, so I would
love the loose conversion.

By the way, you're not even going to
feel it. It's painless. It'll be over

before you know it, yeah.

I mean, is it cheaper?

Oh, no.

We don't charge anyone to become a Jew.
We see it as a blessing. Well, I've

already been studying Judaism on my own.
I mean, I stay up all night reading

about it. I mean, do you want to test
me?

Ask me anything Jewish. We don't have to
test you. No, I want to test her.

Okay.

Okay, what are two objects that are
waved around during Sukkot? Oh, that's

Lulav and Etrog.

Wow.

All right, what's the name of Moses'
wife?

Zipporah, also known as Sephora, later
to be used by an esteemed beauty supply

chain. I love you.

I respect you. This is amazing.

I love you. Honestly, you can't stump
me. I'm a speed reader, and I also know

what happened on every single day of my
life.

Just like Mary Lou Henner. Uh, listen,
Lynn, you seem to really love Jewish

learning, so I really think the year
-long course is right for you because...

No, you can't. She's a six -month girl.

Well, thank you for a perfectly gorgeous
lunch date.

Oh, and thank you for teaching me how to
pronounce salad nicoise.

Nicoise. Are you sure there's a... No,
nicoise. I thought you said... I have

about 15 minutes to my next patient. I
gotta tell you about this guy. Mm.

Really interesting.

Extreme kleptomaniac. It's wild. Wait,
isn't that supposed to be confidential,

though? I know. Patient confidentiality
is one of the things that Floyd was

wrong about. He was wrong about a lot of
things. Andy? This guy.

Andy.

Helena.

Oh, my God. You look stunning. So do
you. Look at your hair. Your skin. Are

getting younger on me?

Only in spirit. Uh -huh. But thank you.

How do you guys know each other? She's
my ex -patient. We jaded.

Oh. I forgot about that.

We did.

I should go.

It's nice seeing you.

Nice to meet you.

I'll see you.

Yeah, that was hilarious.

Was it?

I thought that I was the only patient
you jaded. Honestly, it wasn't even a

thing. It was like six months or
something, so.

Oh, okay.

Thanks. Six months is a little longish
to forget, but... Sure, okay.

Morgan, I... It's fine. I don't even
think of her like that.

Why do you doubt that this is real for
me? Because this is the three -week

Mom, where you quit something that you
thought you were going to do for the

of your life.

I just want to make sure you don't feel
embarrassed if you're already over it,

you know? No, this is different. This is
real.

I am Jewish.

I am sure.

What the hell? How are you sure, though?
I'm sure, sure, sure.

Are you asking this because I'm
converting or because you're not?

Both. I don't know. Tell me this.

How do you know?

I feel it.

I've spent my whole life feeling like
everyone else had something I didn't

And now I feel I have it.

oh my god this is real for the first
time this is the thing you pick that

out to be real this is in this sucks be
happy for me i have faith and it feels

you know it's like i was never at peace
and now i feel at peace i'm happy that

you're at peace i really am i'm just
saying that it would make my life a

lot easier if i could feel that too

Everything happens when it's right. You
know, you may have to go at your own

speed. Just inch by inch.

I don't think I have time to go inch by
inch.

Noah and I can't move forward if I don't
start feeling something soon. And

meanwhile, Morgan's racing to the altar.
You know, not a road bump in sight.

You'll get there. I have faith.

I know.

Quit bragging about it.

We should be done already. This is
taking way too long.

Oh, hey, Fabrizio.

Oh, hey.

How's it going?

You know, just dealing with this stupid
pool guy. Can I help you with this?

Oh, my God. Actually, yeah, I'm in a
rush.

Joanne left some of the stuff at my
house, and I just... Can you leave it on

front step?

Yeah, sure thing. Thank you.

How's the podcast going?

Oh, uh, great. Yeah, Joanne actually
gave you a shout -out on the last

It was hilarious.

Oh, cool, yeah. I'll check it out. Okay.

Thank you.

Feels like we've spent enough time with
my mom today. She asked if we had plans.

Yoo -hoo!

Hey, come in.

Shoes on or off?

Oh, whatever you like.

Hey, Mom, why do I hear Dad's voice?

We spent the afternoon shopping, and he
asked what I was doing for dinner.

Yeah, me and your mom are back together
again. I prayed to get away.

Oh, you should have more kids.

We had sex all afternoon.

Oh, God.

I was out there today. I just love the
groovy vibe at Ahava. It feels like the

perfect place for me.

Yes, it is a groovy vibe.

No, now be truthful. Are you into groovy
vibes?

I love groovy vibes.

Okay. If it's not groovy, get it out.
It's not my vibe.

So you guys went shopping this
afternoon? Yeah, Lynn got me this

do you think? Looks great. Isn't it
wonderful? Don't you just love it? When

I get man boobs?

Just go one size up. Don't put yourself
down.

I think it's so cool you guys have such
a nice relationship.

Yeah, I know. I mean, when I got
divorced, it was hell for a while.

Absolute hell. But we're a better couple
now than ever before.

Well, Lynn is a saint. The strongest
woman I know.

What about me? Like I said, the
strongest woman I know.

And we still fight. I mean, sometimes I
wake up in the middle of the night, and

I'm so angry at something I just
remembered that happened when we were

And she calls me. I mean, I let her get
it all out, and then I say I'm sorry,

and then I beg her to let me get back to
sleep.

Can't be good for your dating life.
Well, that never dates anyone long

for them to care.

Okay. You know what I mean.

You and Mom are commitment people.

Well, honey, to be fair, you know,
you're not much better. You went to four

different high schools.

You were a cosmetologist and an interior
designer at that time, and I haven't

seen you give a facial in a while.

You went to four different high schools?

Yeah. Well, five if you count the two
days of homeschooling.

High school was hard. I kept wanting to
reinvent myself, but then I was still

myself wherever I went. And we gave her
space, you know, to find herself, you

know, figure out who she was.

I think it's a good thing.

I love who she turned into.

I think she's faking it around you.

Why? Where are you going?

Thailand.

What? Yep, it was very last minute. I
just booked it. I had points. I just did

it. Hi, who are you? I am someone who
tries new things.

Did I tell you that I did surf camp?

No, you didn't tell me. You didn't tell
me. How was that?

It was really awful.

How was that? Didn't get up on the board
even once, and I did almost drown.

But I tried something new.

Ah, Beck.

I just, I feel like you're in such a
great place. Like, a strange great

but such a great place. Thank you. I
really am.

And I mean, I really was not for a long
time. Sure. Famously.

I feel like I'm just so glad that Noah
broke up with me. Like, our last

conversation, it weirdly set me free.

I know that that sounds corny, but it's
really true.

I am so happy that you said it sounds
corny. Okay. So I didn't have to.

Fun! Look at the rosemary!

Yeah, that's really pretty. You like
here?

Here!

What's up, loser?

Wait, you're upside?

What's wrong?

Oh, man.

I really like Dr.

Andy. I know. I feel so betrayed.

Me, too.

You guys seem so happy.

I mean, that's what the confusing part
is. Like, Dr. Andy makes me happy.

I mean, is this, like, the kind of thing
where something like this happens and

it makes you not trust him, but also,
like, it?

Yes.

I don't know, but he don'ts on me.

Oh, yeah, no, I mean, it's crazy doting,
though. It's like you're a little

Pekingese dog.

I know, and then he drops these little
bombs. Like, you know, he doesn't talk

his family, and he can't go to Texas.

Oh, that's cool. That's like Thelma and
Louise.

That's kind of hot.

And today was, like, the biggest bomb of
all. Like, I feel completely thrown.

Like, I was living in, like, one version
of reality, and now I'm in a completely

different version. Like, the Dr. Andy
who loves me and makes me feel so happy

just, like, isn't real.

You know, I always think that, like, the
only way you're really gonna know

somebody is if you can, like, steal
their phone and just, like, spend an

with it. Like, your Instagram algorithm,
like, that's gonna tell you who they

are.

Oh, my God, we actually could.

He's, like, dead asleep. Every time I
leave, he just shuts down like a robot.

It's, like, another weird thing about
him.

Okay, we have a plan.

Buckle your seatbelt, baby.

Why am I... I was watching the game.

Oh, God, I know it's weird, but
sometimes I forget how to have fun.

Like running around telling everyone,
like, I'm so fun.

But even I can see that a fun person
would, like, never say that. Does that

sense? Mm -hmm.

How are you and Sash doing?

Are things better?

I don't even know how me and Sash are
doing, to be honest.

Right. Right. I mean, can I? You always
can. You guys got married because you

were pregnant. I mean, you were so
young.

Babies. Babies. Exactly.

We were friends before. We're going to
be friends forever.

You know, no matter what.

But is Sasha who I would pick today?

Oh, wow.

Anyway, you were going to show me. Who
are you talking to on Bumble?

We are having a good time.

Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Ree. He has so many tattoos.

I know. And I sent him a message.

You didn't. Okay, so we need to come up
with a fake reason for why we're trying

to get into this film. Okay, this is
exciting.

Yeah, I know.

Okay, so my beloved aunt died. Okay.

Her name was... Pamela Streisand.

No, that sounds fake. It sounds like you
thought of Barbara Streisand and Pamela

Anderson, like put them together.

We were so connected. How did you know I
did that? Because you're an idiot.

Okay, so Pamela McMillan was an
acclaimed poet.

And this...

is her greatest book of poems.

Okay. That's really good.

I know. Nobody can name a poet, but they
don't want to admit that they can't

name a poet. Exactly.

Morgan.

Morgan? Yes. Hi.

That's me. Should I be British for this?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome. My name
is Terry.

How can I help you today? Hello, Terry.

Hi, Terry.

I can't do this. No, go ahead. My aunt
died, Pamela McMillan.

Oh, she's a very famous poet.

Wrote mostly about post -famine.

Yeah, of course, he knows. So, any case,
we are trying to get into her phone so

that we can retrieve her last and
perhaps greatest work is, yeah.

Okay, yeah, that's not a believable
story in any way, shape, or form, so.

Really? Yeah.

Okay, so the truth is, Derry, that my
fiancé, he lied about something, and we

are trying to figure out if he's lying
about other things, too.

And so you want me to illegally break
into his phone and help you out?

Yeah, but we would prefer that you use a
different term than illegally.

Oh, yeah, of course. What was I
thinking?

Okay, so what word should we use?

Broad -mindedly?

Unconventionally. Okay.

Okay, maybe I can help you guys, yeah.

Okay, that was... Your tone did not
sound like you were going to help us out

all that. I was like, this is not going
to work. I'm not going to break into his

phone. Still illegal.

What? Okay, so I'm sorry I'm confused
because it really sounded like you were

going to help us.

Yeah, I was.

If you find yourself here at my little
help desk asking me to break into your

fiancé's phone because you don't trust
him, don't you think you already have

answer you're looking for?

Morgan?

Wow, I got chills.

I know.

God, Terry.

You really are a genius.

Steven? Yo.

I'm seeing Gabe tomorrow.

He confirmed.

Hoping it's nothing a little honest
communication can't solve.

Ah, honest communication.

Communication is definitely important.

Okay.

Do you want to be honest with me about
Ahava?

What about it?

Uh, about how you hate it?

Oh, my God, I don't hate it.

Well, you don't love it.

I don't love it. No, that's true. I
definitely don't love it. How could you

tell? Well, the groovy vibes thing.

Was it the groovy vibes?

Yeah. Yeah.

And also the way you say Neil and Cammy?
Neil and Cammy? Really?

Do you hear that? Ugh, Neil and Cammy.
Yeah, sorry.

Listen, I wasn't trying to hide it from
you. I was just...

reluctant to admit it, I think, even to
myself.

It's a great place. It's just not my
place.

So how about you?

What? I feel like something's going on
with you and Morgan.

She hasn't been around. I feel like you
haven't talked to her in days.

We had a really big fight, and we're
taking a break from the podcast.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't think I was emotionally
ready to go wedding dress shopping.

It made me feel like...

We're behind them.

Oh, well, it's not a competition, you
know? We can't rush this, you know?

Marriage is a very big deal. It's
supposed to be forever.

Why did you say it like that?

I don't love how quickly you want people
to give up.

Okay, with all due respect to Gabe and
Abby, I'm, like, not that invested in

their future.

Fine, let's talk about us, then. If we
were married and things got hard, what

would you do?

How am I supposed to answer that?

I don't know, but I mean, you know, you
get in a fight, the podcast is off,

neither of your parents think it's
important to stick with anything. It's

Marriage seems hard, you know? Things
won't be perfect. There'll be days when

I'm not your favorite person. I know.
There'll be days you're not your

person. It's not like it's high school
when you can just switch every year if

you're not happy.

I mean, I guess you can.

And that's what's so scary.

Okay.

I grew up in a house with two people who
never should have gotten married. Okay?

And it went on way too long, and it was
horrible. The version of my parents

that, like, you saw tonight, I would
have killed for that when I was little.

I switched high school because I was
trying to escape my life.

Growing up with a mom who became someone
new every year, it was unstable, and it

made me feel anxious.

And all I want now is normalcy and
stability.

And I didn't think I'd ever have it.

And you think now that I have the
chance, I'm going to run away from it?

No.

No, I don't.

Good.

Because you know what the dream is?

What's the dream?

Wanting to have sex with someone who
makes you feel safe.

I didn't think that existed.

Josh, I hope you find that.

I hope you find it, too.

Thank you.

All right. Here you go.

Getting ice cream's a great idea.

It's like the perfect thing to do when
you fail at breaking into somebody's

phone. I guess.

I don't know. I guess I'll have to have
an honest conversation with him in the

morning. Nothing worse than an honest
conversation.

I guess. You know, I already know what
he's going to do. He's just going to

it around and he's going to like, I
don't know, say that I'm all fucked up

because of my fucked up family.

That's not fair.

Everybody's got a fucked up family.

My family's quietly fucked up.

You know, everybody thinks that my mom
is so direct and she says what she

but she says what she wants.

And that's, like, a little different.

I gotta say, I love Bina. Oh.

She loves you, too.

That's why I like her.

I'm just kidding.

And you and Esther seem great.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we're... Yeah, no,
we're good.

Sasha.

Wait, what's going on? You're just
staring out into the distance.

I ain't.

She's just, she's been, like, really
distant lately.

Kind of feels like I'm losing her, you
know?

Kind of killing me.

I'm sorry.

You want to talk about it?

You know, I got to tell you, the last
thing that I want to do is have an

conversation.

I really like the last episode of your
podcast, by the way. The bit about

and the landlord was really funny.

I hope he doesn't listen.

Shit.

Oh, my God, I totally forgot what we
said about him. I just remembered that

gave Fabrizio a shout -out. Shit.

His name's Fabrizio?

I'm so screwed.

Can I guess what you're going to say?
Yeah. Okay.

You're going to say marriage should be
forever, and there are ebbs and flows,

and you need to find a way to weather
the storm.

Uh, truthfully, yes.

I was going to say something like that.
But now I'm starting to wonder if every

couple doesn't have to find their own
path.

You know, sometimes families can only
come together once they've come apart.

So why don't you tell me about you and
Abby? You know, I have a lot of

but I'd love to hear it from the
beginning.

Okay, great. I want to get into the
weeds.

Great. Do you need every gory detail,
or...? I don't need it, but I can handle

it. You're in for a wild ride.

Honestly, it was one of my proudest
moments as a rabbi. I spent hours

about marriage, examining it and
reexamining it, pulling it apart and

it. So what's he going to do?

I don't know.

That's the thing about Judaism. We love
to talk about things from every

direction, you know?

I was being too rigid in how I was
looking at it before.

I love analyzing things from every
direction.

I know. It's very Jewish of you.

A religion that encourages me to argue?

Love that.

Sorry, hold on.

I'm just texting my mom.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

You make me a better rabbi.

I definitely do.

What the fuck is this?

It's like you're being evicted.

Definitely beautiful.

That's so fucking typical.

The harder you push, the more she's
wanting to leave.

Cause everything you do, you do it
desperately.

You're out of touch, so she comes
running for me.

And honestly,

honestly. Cause your girl calls me in
the middle of the night. Sweet

talk, she likes that I'm the sentimental
type. That's what she told me.