Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Kris.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by Colgate Dental Cream.

Two-year clinical tests confirm Colgate a leader

in reducing new cavities.

Tastes best, too.

It's just got to be the best toothpaste.

Hi, Wally. Hi, Sean.

- Hi, Rick. - Hi.

Hey, you want to play a little poker tonight?

Well, I don't know, but why are we whispering?

Well, I still owe Jack a few bucks on my tab here

and he thinks I don't have any money.

Well, how about it?

Well, I'll check with Kris.

I'm sure it'll be OK though, unless she

has something else planned.

When will you know for sure?

- In about 30 seconds. - Hi.

Hi, Kris.

Look, we got a telegram.

Oh, good for us. Who's it from?

I don't know, I haven't opened it.

But it isn't from anybody in my family or yours.

Well, how do you know if you haven't opened it?

'Cause I called and asked 'em.

Oh, naturally.

Why don't you open it and find out?

OK.

Why don't you open it?

Did you check with David?

Yeah, he was the first one I called.

Well, here, give me it. I'll open it.

What's it say?

It's from a girl.

What's a girl doing sending you a telegram?

- It's not for me, it's for you. - Are you sure?

It's one of your girlfriends.

She's going to visit us.

- Oh, yeah, Sally! - What does she look like?

Is she married?

Very attractive, no.

- Does she have any money? - I really don't know.

She's coming here to go to school.

Remember I told you she wrote to me about a month ago?

Well, yeah, it seems to me I remember something about it.

I haven't seen her in about two or three years.

Her plane's coming in an hour.

Well, why don't we go out and meet her and invite her over

to dinner? Sure you don't mind?

Oh, of course not.

Come on, let's go.

Well, hey, what about the poker game?

Oh, maybe I better forget about it.

If I can make it, I'll let you know.

What about the check?

I've got mine right here.

Well, yeah, but what about mine?

I'm broke.

I thought you said you had some money.

Well, I do, but not right now.

I always figured maybe you'd cash a check for me.

Are you kidding?

Rick?

Here, I'll take it.

Oh, well, thanks!

Gee, Kris, your house is just beautiful.

Thank you.

It's usually not as neat as this,

but when we found out you were coming over,

we raced around for an hour trying

to get things straightened up. Don't listen to him.

Well, maybe it was about 45 minutes.

Would you like to go and call your folks

and let them know you arrived OK?

Oh, gee, that would be nice if you don't mind.

No, go ahead.

Why don't you use the phone in the bedroom

and I'll go get dinner started. Oh, OK.

It's right in there.

Thank you.

She's a real nice girl, isn't she?

Yeah, she sure is.

We haven't seen each other in about two or three years.

Yeah, I know, you both said that, several times.

I know, but I wanted to make sure you were listening.

She's very attractive, don't you think?

Yeah, very pleasant, too.

Very friendly.

I was afraid at first you wouldn't have anything

to talk about.

After all, we haven't seen each other--

I know, in about two or three years.

What's this about a poker game?

You weren't planning on going out tonight, were you?

Oh, I don't know.

I figured I'd wait and see what happened.

I wish you'd stick around.

I mean, just in case we do run out of things to say.

Oh, did you get them OK?

Oh, yes.

I told him everything was fine and that I was at your house.

They said to be sure and say hello,

and they hoped that you remembered them.

Oh, of course. I remember them very well.

Well, they weren't too sure. After all, it's been about--

Two or three years.

Oh, do you ever see Mary Ellen?

I saw her just before I left.

She said they had a wonderful time in Hawaii.

- She went to Hawaii? - On her honeymoon.

I didn't even know she was married.

She married some fella that she met at school.

I think he's in business with his father.

I thought she was going with one of the Miller

boys, the tall one.

Oh, no, they called that off about a year ago.

He married some girl from Pennsylvania or Ohio

or someplace.

I sure have been out of circulation.

- Kris. - Yeah.

Would you pass me the sugar?

I thought he was going with your sister.

- Oh, the Miller boy? - Yeah, the tall one.

Oh, no, she's about my height.

No, I mean the tall Miller boy.

Oh, no, that broke up when he went to South America.

He founded a construction company, and by the time

he came back, she was already going out with George.

Don't you remember what we had to go through

to join that club.

I had about 16 curlers in my hair,

white powder all over my face, green lipstick, and my father's

shirt and tie on backwards.

Yeah, and a pair of sneakers size 12.

And then we had to stand on the corner and wave

at all the people going by. Oh, it was fun, wasn't it?

Yeah.

In fact, I think the initiation turned out

to be a lot more fun than the club.

You know, you're right.

Rick, would you get that?

I'm right here.

Hello.

So she went out to avoid him.

Wally.

came in the front door to avoid her.

- What's going on? - We're waiting for you.

Where are you?

Well, I told you, I don't think I can make it.

Kris hadn't seen this friend of hers for several years

and it's been quite a struggle keeping the conversation going.

No thank you, I've had plenty.

Well, can't you just sneak away for a couple of hands

till the other guys get here?

Gee, I really don't think I should.

Oh, come on, Rick.

Who knows. It might be your lucky night?

Here, I'll deal you a hand.

How about that?

An ace, and a deuce, and that's wild.

You were supposed to go--

Here's a one-eyed Jack and that's wild.

Boy, what a hand.

There's a 7 and that's wild, too.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Now wait a second, you got another card coming.

Well, maybe next time.

Well, OK.

I have a feeling I'm going to be lucky myself tonight.

Well, I'll see you.

Boy, that Wally just doesn't take no for an answer.

Oh, do you really think so? I made it myself.

- You did? - Sure.

I still make all my own clothes.

That's right, I forgot.

It sure has been nice seeing you again, Kris.

And thank you for the wonderful dinner.

You're not going so soon, are you?

It's early.

Well, not really, but I haven't even

found a place to stay yet.

Why don't you stay here tonight?

Sure. We have plenty of room.

Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

Why not?

- Well, I'd be in your way. - No, you wouldn't.

Really, we'd love to have you.

Sure we would.

Well, OK, but-- but you've got to promise not to go out

of your way.

I'll stay right here on the sofa.

Give me an old blanket and I'll be at home.

Oh, that's not fair. You've been traveling all day.

I'll sleep on the sofa and you can sleep in the--

let's see.

You girls probably want to talk most of the night anyway,

so I'll sleep on the sofa and you two take the bedroom.

Well, are you sure?

No, I've slept here before.

When was that?

Well, don't you remember that night we had--

Sure, the night my sister came over.

Oh, yeah, that time, too.

You sure it won't be a nuisance?

Well, of course, you are, but what can I do about it?

You're a friend of Kris' and you're our guest.

I guess we'll have to make the best of it.

You sure the back porch wouldn't be better?

Just tell me one thing.

It's been bothering me.

What's that?

Well, whatever happened to the other Miller

boy, the short one?

In case you haven't heard, I married a nut.

Come on, I'll help you get back.

OK.

- Are you sure you'll be OK now? - Oh, sure.

You won't be too lonesome out here?

Oh, no, I think I can manage.

You're not going to miss me at all?

Well, maybe just a little bit.

That's better. Good night.

- Good night. - Kris!

Yeah?

I'm sorry.

Well, that's OK.

I was just wondering, do you have any Bobby pins?

Oh, sure, I'll get them for you.

Oh, good night.

Good night.

Hey, Kris!

Kris!

Did you call me?

No, that's OK.

Good night.

Good night.

Would you like some more jelly on your toast?

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Do you want some marmalade, too?

- No, thanks. - How about some more coffee?

Oh, no, thanks, I got to get going.

What are you girls going to do this morning?

Well, I didn't have a class till 11,

so I thought I'd try and help Sally find an apartment.

Don't you have to register?

I'm going to do that this afternoon.

That is, if you don't mind us borrowing the car.

No, I don't mind.

But you better hurry if you're going to drop me off.

Oh, well, gee, I wouldn't want you to be late.

OK, I suppose you've checked the schedule

to see what time the bus goes by.

Mm-hmm.

Six minutes and 30 seconds.

Hey, if you eat fast, you can just make it.

Well, you're not kidding.

Hey, wait a second.

Bye. Bye, Sally,

Goodbye, Rick.

Say, you finally make up with Kris?

What do you mean make up with her?

We didn't have a fight.

Well then, how come you were sleeping on the couch?

Well, her girlfriend didn't have a place to stay,

so she spent the night at our house.

You mean she's going to stay there permanently?

Are you kidding? Of course not.

In fact, she and Kris went out to look for apartments

this morning. Rick.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

Hi, Wally. Oh, hi, Kris.

This is Sally Henderson. This is Wally Plumstead.

- How do you do? - Hi.

Well, how'd you make out? You find an apartment?

Well, yes and no.

We looked at about five of them.

And you couldn't find anything you liked?

Well, two of them were too big, two of them

were too small, but the last one we looked at

was just about perfect.

- Oh, great. - Except for one thing.

It was way over on the other side of town.

I told Kris I didn't mind that.

But it'd take you an hour to drive to school every day,

and you'd have to change buses twice.

I told her to wait until she found something

closer to school. Don't you think so?

- Well, whatever she thinks. - See?

I told you he'd agree.

It isn't as if you had to find a place right away.

You know you're more than welcome to stay with us

until you find something.

Oh, that sure is nice of you, Kris.

I-- I don't know what to say.

Well, we're just glad we can help.

You sure it's OK, Rick? Oh, sure.

Well, we better hurry.

We've got to register and get your books, go to the market.

Oh, you'll be able to get home all right, won't you?

Oh, yeah, sure.

- OK, goodbye. - See you later, Rick.

Nice to have met you.

Oh, thank you, same here.

Boy, this is great, isn't it?

Oh, don't worry, it could be worse.

After all, it's not as if you're losing a wife.

It's more like you're gaining a harem.

We went shopping.

So I see.

Dietetic sweet potatoes?

Uh-huh.

They were on sale.

- Brussels sprouts? - Oh, I love them.

Don't you?

Well, to be honest with you, we don't have them very often.

That's good.

Oh, you'd like them.

That is, I'm sure you'd like them if you'd only try them.

Oh, what are those?

Turnip, eggplant, and squash.

Night, dear.

Good night.

Oh.

Good morning.

Oh, hi, Rick. You're early, aren't you?

Yeah, I've got a lot of schoolwork

I have to catch up on.

What's this?

My homework.

Why don't you do it on your own time?

I am on my own time.

I don't go on the payroll for 10 minutes.

Why don't you do your homework at home?

Because I haven't got a home.

I've got a girls dormitory.

You mean, Kris' friend is still with you?

Yeah.

I thought she was going to get an apartment.

So did I. But evidently, she's forgotten all about it.

You mean she's moved in permanently?

Well, it sure looks like it.

The way things are going, I'm going

to have to start shaving at the fraternity house

and taking my showers at the gym.

What do you say Kris drop a few hints to her?

Well, that's part of the problem.

Kris seems to be very happy with the whole idea.

They go to classes together, they go shopping together,

and at night, they get together and talk over old times.

Well, maybe she doesn't realize

how you feel about this.

Why don't you just tell her like you're telling me?

Well, I would if I could get the chance,

but I never see her alone.

May I make a suggestion here?

Yeah, why not.

Has Kris got a class right now?

No, she's still home. Why?

Well, why don't you call her and see

if she'll have lunch with you.

At least it'll give you a chance to talk to her alone.

What do you think?

Well, I think you'd better leave me out of it.

If I give you any legal advice, I'll have to charge you.

Maybe I better forget about it.

You're too late.

Kris, just a second, Rick wants to talk to you.

Line two, Rick.

All of a sudden, my whole life is dominated by women.

Hi. Hi.

Did you forget something?

No, nothing like that.

I was just wondering, how would you

like to have lunch with me today?

- Hello. - Hello.

Hello, Kris, is that you?

- Yes, Sally? - Hello.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was for me.

Oh, that's OK, it's Rick.

He wants to take us to lunch.

Isn't that nice?

Sounds great.

Thank you, Rick.

How about that little tea room next to the bookstore?

Oh, OK. What time?

About 12:30.

At 12:30.

I'll see you then.

- Everything OK? - Yeah, great.

I'm taking them both to lunch.

How come?

Well, Sally was on the extension.

I had no choice.

Hey, I just got another idea.

As long as you're going to take two girls to lunch,

you might as well take three.

I can't hear you.

Besides, you eat too much.

OK.

What are you doing?

Shh!

I just wanted to talk to you.

This is a fine way of doing it.

It's the only way I could think of to get you alone.

I've been wanting to talk to you, too.

You mean about Sally?

Yeah, I wish you'd be a little nicer to her.

- A little nicer to her? - Yeah.

You probably don't realize it, but you've

been practically ignoring her these last couple of days.

You must be kidding.

No, I really mean it.

Oh, there you are.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

Hi, Rick.

I just bumped into him.

Where are you girls going?

- Over to the library. - Oh, allow me.

Thank you.

You don't think Kris will be upset

about you coming over here to do your homework, do you?

Are you kidding?

I can come in and go out four or five times a day

and they don't even know I've been there.

Well, do you want to stay for dinner?

Oh, no, thanks.

Dinner's the one bright spot of the day.

I get lots of service, and I don't even

have to help with the dishes.

Maybe I've missed something along the way,

but it sounds to me like you've got it made.

Two beautiful girls waiting on you hand and foot,

vying for your attention.

How uncomfortable can the couch be?

Well, what I don't understand is,

isn't Kris a little jealous about the idea

of having another girl around all the time?

Are you kidding?

She's even complaining that I've been ignoring Sally too much.

She says I should be nicer to her.

Are you listening to this, Harriet?

You have a lot of attractive girlfriends.

How come you never invite any of them to stay at our house?

Forget it.

That's a fine answer.

Well, I keep trying.

You're not paying attention.

I'm going to ask questions later.

No, I was just thinking about something you said.

Suppose I should start being a little too nice to Sally.

Don't you think there's a good chance we might lose her

pretty quickly? Yeah.

And there's also a good chance you might lose your wife.

I won't be that nice.

I'll be warm and friendly, but I'll play it cool.

Hey, that's good.

He'll be warm, but he'll be cool.

Yeah, that's the way young people talk nowadays.

We have a language all our own.

Oh, I'm hip, I dig all that stuff, man.

Look, I hate to bust this up, but it's almost dinner time.

Hadn't you better split?

That did it.

Good evening, girls. Oh, hi, Rick.

Hi.

- Sorry I'm a little late. - That's OK.

We're having stew for dinner. Oh.

It's Sally's recipe.

Oh?

I hope you like it.

I'm sure I will.

Now I put some turnips in there.

I hope you don't mind.

No wonder it's so good.

This is great.

Well, thank you.

You'll have to get this recipe.

I already have.

You want me to set the table?

Oh, no, I'll do that.

Have you seen the paper?

Oh, I put it in the living room,

on the table next to your big chair.

Oh, thanks.

Gee, I kind of like the service around here.

There's nothing for me to do.

You could get washed up for dinner.

OK.

Oh, you mean, do it myself?

Rick.

Yeah.

I can't understand it.

Well, just a second.

Let me finish this first.

OK.

Well, why don't you read it over again.

I have, five times.

What's that?

Beginning of chapter 6, Financing Foreign Trade.

No, I don't understand that either.

Well, here, let me take a look at it.

Why don't we make some hot chocolate?

Hey, yeah, that's a good idea.

Do you need any help?

Oh, no thank you, I think I can manage.

Chapter 6.

When I get to thinking about the past and all

of the good things that were too good to last,

I cry in my heart for each little part of yesterday's

love.

Somewhere I lost you along the way.

Lost without knowin' the price that I'd pay.

I can't help but wonder how things would have been,

if I could start over and try it again.

But love has its problems and bridges to burn.

You have to cross over and you never return.

For dreams have their day and then fade away

with yesterday's love.

Yesterday's love.

- Hi! - Oh, hi.

Gee, I didn't know you were out here.

Yeah, just washing the car.

Thought I'd come out and lie out in the sun for a while.

It's such a beautiful day.

Yeah, it sure is.

Oh, can I help you with that?

I thought Kris was at the library.

No, I told her we'd meet her at the malt shop.

What are you trying to do?

Break my arm?

- Well, that's not a bad idea. - What are you talking about?

You know darn well what I'm talking about.

What's this with you and Sally?

Oh, that.

Well, you told me to be nice to her.

Well, yeah, but not that nice.

You sound like my mother.

What's my mother got to do with this?

Not your mother, my mother.

It was my father's idea.

Well, maybe it was my idea.

I don't know what you're talking about,

but you're wasting your time.

We're going to find an apartment for Sally and right now.

Is that a promise?

You're darn right, it is.

Well, that's great.

What?

I said that's great.

Sally's a very pleasant, very attractive girl,

but you and I got married and we live

in this nice little house, just the two of us,

and we were very happy.

I'd like to keep it that way.

Is that why you were being so nice to her?

Of course.

You're my wife and I love you.

I don't want two wives, at least not at the same time.

You know what I mean.

I love you.

Well!

We're married.

She's my wife.

Hi.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Well, it was the darndest thing.

Evidently, my wife finds me irresistible.

I was walking down the path here and all

of a sudden she grabbed me and dragged me into the bushes.

Here's another one that sounds pretty good.

It's got a fireplace and it's close to the campus.

Oh, check that one, too.

She ought to be able to settle on something out of that list.

We got to be careful how we explain things now.

I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

Oh, I'm sure you won't.

You're very good at handling things like this.

Me?

I'm not going to tell her. Why not?

She's your friend. Well, that's just the point.

It's easier for you to tell her.

Yeah, but you were the one who invited her.

You think we're doing the right thing?

Of course, we are.

Shh, here she comes.

Kris!

Yeah, we're in here.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Oh, no.

Rick just has something he wanted to tell you.

Well, no, not exactly.

Well, first, I've got a big surprise for you.

What's that?

Well, I don't want you to take this the wrong way or anything,

and I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings.

Oh, no, of course not.

Don't be silly.

I found an apartment.

How about that.

It's right near the campus, and it's reasonable,

and I think it's going to work out just fine.

Oh, gee.

I did hurt your feelings.

Oh, no.

No, we understand, really.

Well, now, you're sure?

Oh, yes.

Well, I'm not very good at making speeches

and I just don't know how I'm ever going to repay you

for all your kindness.

This has been just like a home to me.

All I can say is, you-- you're two

of the most wonderful people in the whole world.

I love you both.

I'm going to miss you very much.

We're going to miss you, too.

Yeah, we sure are.

Well, I just hope I haven't worn out my welcome.

Don't be silly.

You're welcome to stay with us as long as you want.

Do you really mean that?

Well, sure.

Gee, that sure would be a help.

You see, the apartment needs a lot

of repainting and decorating and it won't

be ready for another week.

Another week?

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

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