All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S13E17.David.The.Fraternity.Advisor.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WADU_track3_[eng]

"The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by
new Lustre-Creme shampoo

liquid and concentrate.

Your hair behaves beautifully
with Lustre-Creme shampoo.

You mean your hair.

Well, yours would too.

And yours too, you know.

- Hi.
- Oh.

Hi, Rick.

You're a little
early, aren't you?

Yeah.
Is Dave here yet?

No.
He's been in court all morning.

Do you want to see him
about something special?

Yeah, in a way.

I wanted to give him
a little warning.

What about?

Well, a couple of guys
from the alumni association

are looking for him.
What's the matter?

Hasn't he paid his dues?

No, it's nothing like that.

In fact, it's even worse.

They're trying to stick him with
a job of fraternity advisor.

Well, I don't
know what that is,

but it sure doesn't
sound like much fun.

Believe me, it isn't.

I pity the poor unsuspecting
alumnus who gets stuck with it.

Why?
What does he have to do?

Well, he's got to sit-in
on all the meetings and give

the undergraduates advice on
how to run the fraternity.

That doesn't sound too bad.

Well, maybe not.

But the mortality
rate sure is high.

We've gone through three
of them so far this term.

And now they want
Dave for the job?

Well, yeah-- so I understand.

That's why I came down
here, to warn him.

Wait a second.

Would this have anything to do
with a man named Harvey Atkins?

Yeah.
He's on the committee.

Oh.

Well, he and a Mr. King
made an appointment

to meet Dave here this morning.

- Good morning.
- Mr. Atkins?

That's right.

Hi, Brother Atkins.

Hi, RIck.
Rick, this is Brother King.

Brother Rick Nelson.
How do you do?

Hi.

This is Miss Edwards,
Mr. Atkins, and Mr. King.

- Well, how do you do?
- Hello there.

Don't give me the grip.
I'm not a member.

You know, you're prettier than
your voice sounds on the phone.

Oh, come on, now.
You college boys are all alike.

Is David here yet?

Well, he's been in
court this morning,

and sometimes those things
take a little longer

than you figure.

Well, you do expect him
back before lunch, though.

Don't you?

Well, I know he should be back
here sometime this afternoon.

Gee, I don't know, Charlie.
What do you think?

Well, I suppose
we could come back.

He will be back here.
Won't he?

As far as I know.

Well, maybe we could
drop back around 2:00.

Will that be OK?
I'm sure it will.

OK.
Fine.

We'll see you later.
Bye, bye.

- Bye.
- Nice to have met you.

Thank you.

Well, David-- just in time.

Class of '38.

- Oh, sure.
- How are you?

Just fine.

I think you know Brother
King, class of '37.

Brother King.

Hi there, Dave.

Well, what can I do for you?

Well, now, we know
you're a busy man,

so we'll try not to take
up too much of your time.

That's OK.

Why don't we step
into my office?

Well, thank you.

Yeah, the boys over
at the fraternity sure

think a lot of you, Dave.

Oh, really?

Gee, I hardly ever
get over there.

We'll remedy that.

Won't we, Charlie?

Well, that's why we're here.

What do you think?

Well, Mr. Advisor, here we
are-- ready to take over

your new job.

I still think I should have
fired you for not warning me.

Relax, will you?
Don't worry about it.

The guys have quieted down a
lot since you've been in school.

- I hope so.
- Hi, Rick.

Hi.

You mean you're our
new fraternity advisor?

- I'm afraid so.
- Oh, well, that's great.

I mean, it's too bad for you.
But it's great for us.

Yeah, congratulations.

This is what we've
needed all along, a lawyer.

The last two guys we
had were accountants.

Hey, why don't we
have a big party?

Welcome to our new advisor.
Hey, that's a great idea.

Thanks, fellas.

But, really, I'd
rather you wouldn't.

Oh, well, that's OK.

You don't have to come
if you don't want to.

I just came over
to pick up the books

and look them over before
the meeting Monday night.

What meeting is that?

Do we have a
meeting Monday night?

Yeah.

Isn't that when you usually
have your business meetings?

Oh, yeah.
That's right.

We can't have it
this Monday night.

We've got that relay
race with the Betas.

The what?

We're racing the Betas around
the block for a keg of beer.

Oh, maybe we could cancel it.

We've lost to them for the last
three Monday nights, anyway.

Well, look, fellas.

I'd really like to have the
meeting, if you wouldn't mind.

No, no, sir.
Not at all.

- Where can I pick up the books?
- Well, let's see.

Does anybody know
where the books are?

They're probably in the
house manager's office.

Oh, that's right.
Who is the house manager?

Well, we haven't
got one right now.

He flunked out.
Remember?

There must be some books
around here someplace.

Oh, we've got them.

It just may take a
little time to find them.

I'll wait.

We don't have
much time right now.

Why not?

Oh, we've got to serenade
the Kappas in about 15 minutes.

Who?

Oh, the sorority
up on the corner.

Why?
Is somebody getting engaged?

No.

We raced them around the
block last night and lost.

See what a mess
I've walked into?

Well, you don't have to
straighten all this stuff up.

Do you?
What else can I do?

If I'm going to give them
any financial advice,

I got to know where they stand.

What the heck are
these doing in there?

Some guy probably
floated a loan

and left those as collateral.

You got an old
watch here, a ring--

ow!

a mouse trap.

That's probably to keep the
guys out of the petty cash.

My finger is busted.

You could sue
them, if you want to.

But I doubt if their
insurance is paid up.

Hey!
Anybody home?

Oh, come on in.

Hi, Joe.

Hi, Oz.

Hi, David.

Oh ho.

So that's the way you keep
the men's club books straight,

huh-- have David come
over and help you?

I'm afraid it's
just the opposite.

I got talked into being
the fraternity advisor,

and I came over
to get Pop's help.

Oh, well, good luck.

Thanks.
I'm going to need it.

Let me give you a little
advice from an old family

friend-- don't turn into a
grouch, like your old man.

Well, now, what
do you mean by that?

Well, let's face it, Oz.

You're pretty tough on us
down at the men's club--

makes us pay our
dues on time, makes

us listen to the treasurer's
report twice a year.

Which reminds me, you haven't
paid last month's dues yet.

You see what I mean?

Oh, now I get it.

You had a fight with
Clara, and you lost.

So you came over here
to take it out on me.

I did not lose.

Well, maybe I did.

But that has nothing
to do with it.

The men's club is supposed to
be in the Chamber of Commerce

parade next month,
and we don't even

have enough money to buy
funny hats for ourselves.

What are you talking about?

We have plenty of money
for something like that.

You hear that, David.
I've got a witness.

He said we have plenty of money.

And that's why I'm here, to get
you to turn some of it loose.

Well, OK.

You can spend whatever
you need for the parade.

Great.

That's more like it.

And let that be a
lesson to you, David.

Whenever those
fraternity guys come

around trying to get
money out of you,

you've got to be tough
and learn to say no.

Don't be a pushover,
like your father.

What's this?

I better get out of here,
before he changes his mind.

OK.

The following members are two
months behind in their dues--

Phillips, Andrews, Twitchell,
Jensen, Doyle, and Harper.

- I didn't hear your name.
- Quiet.

You're out of order.

But if you must know, the reason
my name is not on the list

is because I'm
three months behind.

OK.

Is there any more old business?

Yeah, Phil?

We haven't heard
from the CSBPW.

The what?

Well, the Committee to
Sabotage the Betas' Paddy

Wagon.
Oh, yeah.

I have the report
here, Mr. Chairman.

OK.
Let's have it.

- Paddy wagon?
- Yeah.

The Betas bought an
old patrol wagon.

- What for?
- I don't know.

Just to drive
around in, I guess.

Well, the following is a
report from the Committee

to Sabotage the
Betas' Paddy Wagon--

mission accomplished.

We let air out of three
of the tires, wired

the horn to the ignition,
and put Limburger cheese

under all the seats.

OK.

Thank you.

Now, it's my pleasure
to introduce you

to our guest for this evening,
our brother and new fraternity

advisor, Dave Nelson.

Hey, let's have
three cheers for Dave.

Hip, hip--
Hooray.

- Hip, hip--
- Hooray.

- Hip, hip--
- Hooray.

OK.

Fellas, give him a chance.

Thanks a lot, fellas.

I'm glad I got all those
cheers before I started

reading the report
because I've got

a feeling you're not going
to be too happy with some

of the things I have to say.

Good old Dave.
What a sense of humor.

Mr. Chairman, I'd just
like to say something.

Some of our first
and second year men

may not know Dave here.

But, well, when Dave
was an undergraduate,

he's the fellow that ran the
dean's pants up the flagpole.

That was a few years ago.

Anyway, I'll make my remarks
as brief as possible.

I had a chance to look over the
fraternity books this weekend.

And, well, as the
dean said to me

when he called me
into his office,

I'm afraid you're
in a little trouble.

You're not only operating
in the red financially,

but, from all
indications, your credit

is practically nonexistent.

You're going to have to
find some way to cut down

your expenses drastically.

Oh, come on, now, Dave.

You can't be serious.
I sure am.

And if that doesn't
work, you're going

to have to either
increase your dues

or have a special assessment.

Well, how can we
cut down on expenses?

Well, the first
thing I'd suggest

is that you cut out all these
parties you've been giving.

Your social life is
getting out of hand here.

We've got a dance
coming up Friday.

Oh, yeah.

But I'm sure Dave doesn't
mean a little party like that.

What do you mean little party?
It's our gourmet musicale.

Shut up.

Oh, sorry.

Well, I don't care what it
is, as long as it's cheap.

Cheap?

I've got what I think is
a constructive program here.

It's a list of
suggestions as to how

you can cut down expenses and
bring in a little revenue.

This is ridiculous.

Yeah.

If they raise the dues any
more, I'll have to quit.

- Well, good night, fellas.
- Good night, Mr. Nelson.

- Good night, Mr. Nelson.
- Good night, Mr. Nelson.

Good night, Mr. Nelson.

I realize they're not
too happy about this,

but this is the situation.

And somebody's got to
do something about it.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, I got to get home.
I'll see you later.

Good night, Mr. Nelson.

Hey, Dave, have you
seen the Miller contract?

Dave?

- Huh?
- Never mind.

Here it is.

Gee, what's the
matter with David?

It's like he's walking in
his sleep or something.

Well, I think he's worried
about the Hartford case.

He doesn't know whether to
settle out of court or not.

That's a tough
one to figure out.

You know what?
I just thought of another idea.

We could turn all the showers
off, except for a half an hour

every day.

Think of all the money we'd
save on the water bill.

Some of those guys stand
in there for hours.

Is that what you're worried
about, the fraternity?

Well, somebody's
got to figure out how

to save some money over there.

Well, we've already
saved a fortune

on our no food, no
music dinner dance

tonight and a few other
money saving regulations

you dreamed up.

Oh, come on, now.

It's not that bad.
Oh no?

You ought to hear what the guys
are saying over at the house.

Look, I didn't take this job
to win any popularity contests.

You took it because they
caught you by surprise,

and you couldn't think of
a way to get out of it.

OK.
I'll be quiet, sir.

They're not calling
the party off, are they?

Oh, no.

Not that I know of.

In fact, I'm sure they're not.

I know I told them to
cut down on expenses,

but they're still having
refreshments and stuff.

Aren't they?
Oh, yeah.

I guess so.
What do you mean?

Are they, or aren't they?

Well, I'm sure
they'll have something.

Well, what are
they going to have?

Look, Dave.

I know you're my
brother, but I've

got about 50 other brothers
over at the fraternity.

Are you trying to
tell me something?

Are you kidding?

I'm trying not to
tell you anything.

Oh, hiya, Dave.
You're a little early.

I'm not coming to the dance.

I just thought I'd drop by
and see how things are going.

Oh, fine, thanks.

The guys really seem to
have gotten the message.

We're cutting down on
refreshments, decorations.

Excuse us, fellas.

Watch it, Dave.

What the heck
is all this stuff?

The decorations.

- You must have spent a fortune.
- Now, don't get excited.

We're sharing them
with the Fiji.

They're having a
luau tomorrow night.

Now, I know it
looks extravagant,

but it really isn't.
Believe me.

You'll be surprised
when you see the bill.

I'll bet.

Be careful.
Don't scratch the walls.

Excuse me, sir.
The caterer is here.

- Oh, good.
- The caterer?

Well, sure.

We've got to have
something to eat.

Well, yeah.

But I thought you guys
would have potato chips

or something like that.

Potato chips at
a gourmet musicale?

Excuse me, sir.

Peter wants to know if
we'll be serving champagne.

Champagne?

For gosh sakes, pledge.

Haven't you heard we're on
an economy drive around here?

This happens to be Mr. Nelson,
the fraternity advisor.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I thought you were
the orchestra leader.

Orchestra leader?

You're going to
have an orchestra?

Now, don't get excited.
It's not the Boston Pops.

Come on, pledge.
Get to work.

Look, evidently, I didn't
get through to you guys.

The fraternity doesn't
have any money.

You're broke.

This is liable to be the
last party you ever give.

Yeah, but what a way to go.

No.

I really mean it, Dave.

I promise you we'll start
cutting down, starting

first thing in the morning.

A little later tonight?

- Right now.
- That's what I was afraid of.

Careful.

Don't scratch that chair.

Now, remember-- make
sure everybody sees it,

but don't let anybody take any.
Yes, sir.

I'll do my best.

Oh, you got to do
better than that.

Here, I'll test you out.

Oh, see how easy that was?

Got to get in the game.

- Come on, Wally.
- OK.

OK.
But a guy gets hungry, you know?

OK.
Go ahead.

But remember, it's
going to cost you

a nickel for every one you lose.

Oh, look out!

Boy, you almost cost
that poor kid about $10.

- Hors d'oeuvres?
- No, no.

Thank you.
I'd like to have one, please.

Say, isn't that
new nail polish?

Yes, it is.
Do you like it?

Oh, I sure do.

Isn't this a great party?

Oh, it's terrific.

You wouldn't care for an
hors d'oeuvre, would you?

- Oh, no, thanks.
- Thanks.

I think I'll have one.

Say, isn't that
Doris over there?

Where?

Oh, I guess it isn't.

OK.

Folks, the dancing
is about to begin.

Oh, good.
Are we having an orchestra?

Are you kidding?

We promised you a sensational
rock and roll group,

and there he is.

You know, that wasn't
a bad party last night.

Yeah.
Ellen really enjoyed it.

She thought the band was great.

- My date really liked the food.
- She did?

Yeah.
She's on a diet.

You know, that's
one thing I don't get.

Why did we bother to
save the hors d'oeuvres?

Didn't they just go to waste?
Are you kidding?

What do you think we're
having for breakfast?

All right, fellas.
Come and get it.

What'll you have, anchovies
and olives, cheese puffs,

or chipped beef on pineapple?

Name your poison.

You just did.

Hi, Dave.

Hi, Dave.

You're just in
time for breakfast.

Are you kidding?
He ate at home.

I was just going to give
you guys a compliment.

I thought you did a
good job last night.

I think we saved a lot of money.
Oh, great.

Let's have a party
and celebrate.

Well, actually, we
got a long time to go.

- I think he means it.
- I think you're right.

OK.
Fellas, help yourselves.

You know, I think I'm
going to pass up breakfast.

- Me too.
- Me too.

Hey, wait a second.

What are we going
to have for lunch?

Well, that all depends on
how many of these are left over

from breakfast.

Hey!

What are you doing?

Just turning off a few lights.

What the heck's going on?

I took a look at your electric
bills, and they're ridiculous.

Well, how are we supposed
to study with the lights out?

Are you kidding?

You haven't opened
a book in six years.

Hey!

Relax, will you?

Pledge!

Hey!

Hey, what happened to the water?
Sorry.

Your time's up.
I'm all soapy.

I'll tell you what.

For $0.50, I'll get
you a pitcher of water.

Are you kidding?

OK.

Next.

What's this?

It's a check.

You don't accept checks?
Well, yeah.

But it's dated two
months from now.

Well, that's perfectly legal.

A post-dated check is the
same as a promissory note.

- Next.
- Well, now, wait a second.

That's not fair.

Why, his credit's
as good as mine.

That's what I was afraid of.

What have you got there?

Oh, it's my IOU for $50.

It's perfectly good.

Are you kidding?

Next.

How do you like that?

Perfectly good.

Here he comes.
Here he comes.

Good.

Hiya, Dave.

Glad to see you.
OK.

Boys.
Hip, hip--

- Hooray.
- What is this?

- Hip, hip--
- Hooray.

- Hip, hip--
- Hooray.

For he's
a jolly good fellow--

for he's a jolly good fellow--

for he's a jolly good fellow,
which nobody can deny.

Hooray!

Three cheers for Dave.
Hip, hip--

- Hooray.
- Hip, hip--

- Hooray.
- Hip, hip--

Hooray.

OK.
Quiet down, fellas.

The meeting will come to order.

We are gathered
here this afternoon

to honor a fellow
fraternity brother who

almost single handedly
has snatched us

from the very jaws of economic
disaster, a brother who--

- Sit down, Wally.
- Yeah.

We want to hear Dave, not you.
OK.

Here he is, Dave Nelson.

Yay!

Thanks, fellas.

I must admit, it's kind of nice
to hear cheers, for a change.

For a while there, I
thought you didn't like me.

You were wrong, Dave.

We hated you.

Well, I just want to thank
you guys for your cooperation.

You fellas deserve
the credit, not me.

And I want to congratulate
you for your sincerity,

your perseverance, and your
fine sense of responsibility.

Keep up the good work.

Oh, wait a minute, Dave.
Don't sit down.

We got a little
surprise for you.

Gee, you didn't
have to do that.

Oh, well, it's
not exactly for you,

but I think you're
going to be surprised.

- It's all set!
- Oh, good.

It's right out in front.
Oh, gee.

What is this?

Oh, well, it's a
fire engine, of course.

We just bought it.
Isn't it beautiful?

And we owe it
all to you, Dave.

- To me?
- Well, sure.

If you hadn't helped us
to save all that money,

we could never have afforded it.

Wait a minute.
You mean you bought this?

Now, don't get excited.
It's secondhand.

Wait till the Betas see this.

It'll make their
paddy wagon look sick.

Oh, you're not kidding.

The money was supposed to
be for next month's bills.

Oh, we're not worried, Dave.

You pulled us out of
the fire once before.

I'm sure you can do it again.

Did somebody say fire?

Three cheers for
the fire engine.

Hip, hip--
Hooray.

- Hip, hip--
- Hooray.

Hip, hip--

Hooray.

What in the world are they
going to do with a fire engine?

Oh, who knows--
horse around with it,

ride it around the campus,
and listen to the siren.

Well, it seems kind of silly.

Oh, it's ridiculous.

I've never seen a bunch of
guys with such a complete lack

of responsibility.

You'd think they
were 10 years old.

Well, I don't think you
should have quit on them,

though, Dave.
Why not?

I obviously wasn't
getting through to them.

Well, it sounds like they
need help from somebody.

Not me.

They can find another pigeon.

What about you, dear?

Oh, don't look at me.

But you've always done such
a good job with the men's club.

Well, that's different.

They're adults with a sense
of financial responsibility.

Besides, I'm too
chicken to be a pigeon.

Hello?

Oh.

Hi, Wally.

Yeah, just a minute.
For you, Dave.

Oh.

Thanks, Mom.

Hello?

You're kidding.

Well, tell the guys
I think that's great.

Oh, and I'll see you at
the meeting Monday night.

Oh, OK.

Thanks for calling.

Bye.

I can't believe it.

What happened?

- They sold the fire engine.
- You're kidding.

No.

They made a $20 profit.

Oh, that's wonderful.

- What did they buy instead?
- Well, nothing.

They decided I was right.

They're going to
hang on to the money,

and they want me to keep
handling it for them.

There, now.
You see?

You did a better job
than you thought you did.

How about those guys?

Well, that's just
one of the rewards

you get for doing a good job.

I ran into the same
situation at the men's club.

At first, they
grumbled and groaned.

And then they began to
realize that what I was doing

was for their own good.

Well, I must say, it's nice to
know that all the work I put in

wasn't a waste of time.

And I'll tell you
something else too.

From now on, the job
will be a lot easier.

Once you get them
on the right track

and they appreciate what
you're doing, the rest is easy.

At least, it's been that
way with the men's club.

Goodness sakes.

What's that?

It sounds familiar.

It sounds like it's
in our backyard.

Hey, Oz.
How do you like it?

Now, now, now, wait a second.

Who does this belong to?

It belongs to
us, the men's club.

- The men's club?
- Sure.

We bought it for the parade.

Well, I didn't say
you could buy this.

I'm the treasurer, and
I didn't authorize you

to spend this kind of money.

You said anything
we wanted to spend.

That's right, Pop.
You did.

Well, yeah.

But, I mean, who thought that--

I didn't mean--

Oh, great.

I know just how you feel.

Come on, fellas.
Let's have the old fire drill.

Here, Oz.
Yell fire.

Are you kidding?

Come on.

Yell fire.

Fire.

Come on, boys.
Hit it.

Come on.

Oh, OK.

Boys, hold it.

Hold it, fellas.

The fire is out.

No, it's not.

It's still smoking.

Hit it, boys.

Well, boys will be boys.

Some guys
like a 9:00 to 5:00

job, and a house with
a white picket fence.

Some guys live for
that weekly paycheck,

but to me, it don't
make much sense.

Now, I don't like
a tight collar,

or a suit with a matching tie.

I like to pick up and go
where the four winds blow,

and that's why I'm a happy guy.

Happy guy, happy guy,
happy guy, happy guy.

Now, I steer clear of
sweet talking gals.

They got wedding
bells on their mind.

They want a guy to
stay home every night.

But me, I'm a different kind.

Now, I move when I'm ready.

And I don't have
to tell you why.

I just grab my hat and
leave where I'm at,

and that's why I'm a happy guy.

Happy guy, happy guy,
happy guy, happy guy.

You can look for me,
when I'm passing through,

and I'll stay
awhile in your town.

We can live it up and
let the good times roll,

but don't try to settle me down.

No girl is going to chain me.

I was born with a roving eye.

And when the thrill is gone,
well, I'll be moving on.

And that's why I'm a happy guy.

Happy guy--

- Whoa, whoa--
- Happy guy--

Yeah.

Happy guy, happy guy.

Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by
Colgate Dental Cream.

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