Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Rick.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by Colgate Dental Cream.

Two-year clinical tests confirm Colgate a leader

in reducing new cavities.

It tastes best, too.

It's just got to be the best toothpaste.

Hi.

Our story tonight is about a chess set, an extra large chess

set ordered by guess who?

I'm sure he didn't realize how large it

was going to be because when he saw it, he said--

What's this?

Your chess set.

Extra large.

Well, who ordered this?

Evidently, you did.

Well, I know, but I had no idea.

Well, I mean, I thought they would just--

were they delivered, or did they walk in by themselves?

First, he promised to put it up in the attic,

and then he promised to put it out in the garage.

But three days later, when it was still in the living room

and I asked him what he was going to do about it,

all he said was--

Well, I'll play you a game.

Are you kidding?

I've got work to do.

What, on a Saturday morning?

Look, it may be news to you, but the Housewives Union

hasn't heard about the five-day week yet.

Oh, come on. Just one game.

Not right now. Maybe later.

Don't you want any breakfast?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Maybe a little orange juice.

Who's that? I don't know.

I can't see anybody.

Well, hello, Kelly.

Come on in.

Thanks, Mrs. Nelson.

This is Mr. Nelson.

This is Kelly Hopkins.

Well, hi, Kelly.

Nice to know you.

Kelly's father is Dean Hopkins.

He's Dean of Ed over at the university.

Oh.

Wow, he's a fine big boy.

How old are you?

Six years old.

How old are you, Mr. Nelson?

Oh, well, I'm a little older than that.

My father is 41, and my mother is 35.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's a nice age.

What can we do for you, Kelly?

My mother said you promised to give her

the recipe for cookies.

Oh, that's right.

I did.

I'll write it down for you right away, and you can take it home.

Oh, uh, speaking of cookies, here, help yourself.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Nelson.

OK.

Say, you don't by any chance happen to play chess, do you?

Yes, ma'am, I'm pretty good at it, too.

Well, now, there you are.

Mr. Nelson was looking for somebody to play with him.

Uh, well, uh, not actually.

I'll play you, Mr. Nelson.

Uh--

You said you wanted to play.

Wait till you see our chess set.

I'll bet it's the biggest one you've ever seen.

No kidding.

Can I see it?

Well, I guess so.

It's in the living room.

How about this?

Whoa, I bet this is the biggest

chess set in the whole world.

You know, you may be right.

We just have a small set over at our house,

the kind you put on a table.

Yeah, well, that's what most people have.

I'll be honest with you, I didn't

realize this was going to be so big when I ordered it.

It's beautiful.

Oh.

Well, thank you.

I have things to do. Have fun, you guys.

Oh, uh, Harriet, that might be for you.

You play chess, Mrs. Nelson?

Well, a little bit, but I'm not very good at it.

Hello?

Oh, gee.

Well, I'm sorry, Joe.

I forgot all about it.

Yeah.

Well, OK, look, I'll stop by and pick you up

in about five minutes.

OK.

It was Joe.

I had a date to play golf with him this morning,

and I forgot all about it.

Look, Kelly, why don't you play chess with Mrs. Nelson?

I'll play you some other time.

Look, I'll tell you what.

We'll make it kind of a tournament.

You play Mrs. Nelson, I'll play the winner, OK?

OK.

Pretty sneaky.

You heard me on the phone.

I've had this date with Joe for a week.

I'll see you later.

Bye, Kelly.

Bye, Mr. Nelson.

Which do you want?

The black or the white? Oh, I don't care.

Either one.

I'll take the black.

That means you move first.

All right.

Oh, hi.

Hi, how was your golf game?

Oh, pretty good.

We wound up all even.

How was your chess game?

Oh, it was a lot of fun.

He's a cute little guy.

Yeah, does he play pretty well?

Yeah he's darn good.

Considering how young he is, it's

amazing he can play at all.

Well, did you actually finish a game?

We played two games.

Naturally, he won them both.

He went home with a smile on his face

and a pocket full of cookies.

Oh, well, do you think you should have done that?

You mean give him the cookies?

No, I mean, let him beat you.

Well, you didn't expect me to beat him, did you?

What would that prove?

Well, I don't know, but it just doesn't seem right to let

him think he won something when he didn't.

Come on. He's six years old.

Oh, that's probably Kelly now.

He wants to play you a game before dinner.

Well, he played two games with you, didn't he?

Yeah, but you told him it was a tournament.

Well, why didn't you eliminate him?

Eliminate him yourself, you big bully.

Well, hi, Kelly.

Come on in.

Thanks, Mr. Nelson.

Hi, Kelly.

Hi, Mrs. Nelson.

What can I do for you?

Is this "some other time"?

Uh, what do you mean?

You promised to play chess with me "some other time."

Oh!

Well, I think we just about have time

to get a game in before dinner.

I've been practicing all afternoon.

I beat my grandma twice, my sister once.

Beat your sister, huh?

Well, that's great.

That really doesn't count, though.

Why not?

She's only three years old.

Oh.

But you beat your grandmother.

Yeah, and she's 58.

Yeah.

And I beat Mrs. Nelson two games.

Oh, so I understand.

How old are you, Mrs. Nelson?

I'm 45.

I think I should warn you now, I'm

going to play my very best, OK?

OK.

I just thought I'd tell you that because I

wouldn't want you to feel too bad if you

should happen to lose.

I bet you $1 million I beat you.

Oh.

I'm afraid that's a little too steep for me.

OK, I'll bet you $50.

You got a bet.

Which do you want, the black or the white?

Oh, whatever you want.

You go ahead.

I'll take the white this time, and that means I'm on first.

OK.

Shouldn't have done that, Kelly.

Went into a little trap there.

Hate to do this to you.

Check.

Gee, I wonder what I did wrong.

Well, I think it was a couple of moves back there.

Played a good game, though.

I had to play my best to beat him.

Well, as long as the game is over, Kelly, I think maybe

you better get on home because your dinner's probably ready.

OK.

Here we go.

Don't feel too bad about losing now.

You can't win them all as the old saying goes.

That's life.

You win some and you lose some.

Well, don't overdo it now.

Don't worry.

I'm just pacing myself.

Yes, so I see.

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

Hi, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, hi, Kelly.

I just got my allowance.

Well, good for you.

Is a quarter OK, Mr. Nelson?

Yeah, looks OK to me.

No, sir. That's yours.

Mine?

Yes, sir.

I'll pay you a quarter a week until it's all paid off.

Until what's all paid off?

The bet we made.

Oh!

Oh, that.

You mean you bet him a quarter on the chess game?

Ah, are you kidding?

Of course not.

He bet me $50.

No, no, it wasn't a real bet.

It was just a joke.

No, it wasn't, Mr. Nelson.

I owe you $50.

No, no, no, no, wait a second.

It was not a real bet.

We didn't even shake hands on it.

Well, that's just kid stuff.

A bet's a bet.

Well, look, why don't you go in the kitchen

and help yourself to a couple of cookies, and I'll be right in

and we'll talk about this some more, OK?

Well, OK, but I won't change my mind.

Mr. Nelson?

Yeah.

I figured it out.

You'll be all paid off in four years.

OK, I'll be right with you.

What the heck am I going to do about this?

Don't ask me.

I threw two games in a row to him.

Hey, I know.

I could save his money each week and put it in the bank for him.

For four years?

Hey, wait a second.

Here's a better idea.

Why don't I play him again and give him

a chance to get his money back?

This time, I'll make sure he wins.

Like you should have done the first time.

Uh, Kelly, I just got an idea.

Why don't we play another game, and I'll give you a chance

to win your money back?

Wait a second, Mr. Nelson.

What's the matter?

Did you move out any of these chessmen?

No.

No, they haven't been touched since yesterday.

Well, then, I didn't have to lose that game.

What do you mean?

I could have moved this knight in front of my king,

and I wouldn't be checked.

Hey, by golly, you're right!

Good move, Kelly.

Too bad I didn't notice that yesterday.

No, no, no, no, now wait a second.

The game is still in progress.

It's not over yet.

You didn't really concede.

I just said check, and then Mrs. Nelson said something

about dinner, and we stopped playing.

That's right.

- Are you sure? - Well, sure.

Don't you remember?

Yeah, make your move.

How do you like that?

There goes my queen.

Well, it's my move.

Let's see now.

Uh, I think I'll move the pawn here.

There we are.

Checkmate, Mr. Nelson.

Oh, how about that?

Good for you, Kelly.

Well, I concede.

Congratulations.

Yeah, congratulations.

Thanks, Mr. Nelson.

And here's your quarter.

You sure are a good sport.

Well, that's the way it goes.

It looked like you owed me $50 there for a while,

and here we are all even again.

That's right.

Uh, would you like another cookie?

No, thanks.

Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

How come we're even?

Well, see, when we thought I'd won, you owed me $50.

And then we replayed the game, and you won.

So now-- well, what I mean is--

So you owe me $50.

I owe you $50.

I guess that's what I mean.

If you haven't got the cash on you, that's OK.

I trust you.

Well, OK.

Don't feel too bad, Mr. Nelson.

After all, you can't win them all.

That's life.

You win some, and you lose some.

I think I'll have a cookie.

Well, how are you going to convince him that it

wasn't a legitimate bet?

Well, for one thing, we didn't shake hands on it.

Oh, that's kid stuff.

Will you forget the jokes for a minute?

There must be some way out of this.

Sure there is.

Pay him the $50.

No, that's ridiculous.

Give $50 to a six-year-old boy?

What would his parents think?

Hey, there's an idea.

Why don't you call his father and explain the situation

to him and ask him what you thinks ought to do?

Do you know their number?

Yeah, it's in my book in the hall.

Oh, well, do you know them?

Well, I know Mrs. Hopkins pretty well.

She's a member of the Women's Club.

Oh!

Well, then, maybe it might be a better idea--

Oh, no, you're the one who's welshing on the bet.

You're calling.

I am not welshing!

Hello?

Uh, Dean Hopkins?

Yes.

Well, this is Mr. Wiltshire-- uh, Nelson, Ozzie Nelson.

Oh, yes, Mr. Nelson, how are you?

Uh, fine, thank you.

I hope I'm not calling you too late.

No, not at all.

Well, I don't know whether your son has told you,

but we've been playing a little chess over here, he and I.

Yes, so I understand.

What's this about a $50 bet you two made?

Oh, I see he's told you about it.

Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Well, I'm sure there must have been some misunderstanding.

At least I hope you have no intention of paying him.

Uh, well, it really is a kind of an unusual situation.

As I say, that's what I want to talk to you about.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm sure he'll understand.

Oh, uh, thank you.

I hope so.

I hope I haven't put you in an embarrassing situation.

Well, what do you mean?

Well, you know, explaining it to him.

Me?

I thought you were going to explain it to him.

Well, if you don't mind, I'd just as leave stay out of it.

I wouldn't want him to think I was interfering.

You know how kids are about those things.

Uh, well--

Why don't I send him over to your house in the morning?

I'll tell him you want to talk to him about something.

Uh, well, uh, OK.

And thanks a lot for being so nice to Kelly.

We really appreciate it.

Oh, that's OK.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

Good night.

What happened?

Uh, I was checked again.

Here we are.

Boy, ice cream for breakfast.

You people sure know how to live here.

Well, we try to keep everybody happy.

You did say you had something to eat at home this morning,

didn't you? Yes, ma'am.

Only it wasn't as good as this.

It was only a regular breakfast.

Yeah, well, I must admit that's pretty special.

Aren't you going to have any ice cream, Mr. Nelson?

Uh, no thanks. You go ahead.

That's no fair.

Here, have some of mine.

Oh.

Well, thank you.

You want to play another game of chess as soon as we finish,

Mr. Nelson?

Oh, yes.

And that might be a good idea.

And we could bet $50 the same as last time.

No, we better not.

Well, why not?

Well, I've been thinking, we shouldn't

have made a bet at all.

Uh, what do you mean?

Because gambling is illegal.

Oh, well, yeah, I guess it is at that.

I think the best thing to do is forget

about the $50 you owe me.

Oh.

Well, if you think that's best, considering

the fact that, as you pointed out, gambling is illegal,

well, you're probably right.

Yes, sir, but if you gave me a gift, that wouldn't be illegal.

A gift?

Did you have anything special in mind?

Yes, sir.

They have a beautiful bike down at Harry's.

Uh a bicycle?

Yes, sir.

It has a speedometer on it and everything, and it's on sale.

Oh.

Well, uh, maybe I'll look into that.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Nelson.

You're a real sport.

Oh.

Thanks for the ice cream, Mrs. Nelson.

You're welcome, Kelly.

Any time at all. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Did I understand you to say you were

going to buy him a bicycle?

Well, I might.

He said it's on sale.

After all, how much can a bike cost? $18 or $20?

$18 or $20?

Well, it seems to me that's what

we paid for Rick's first bike when he was about that age.

And how long ago was that?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Well, I'll go down there and check a few prices.

Why don't you finish your breakfast first?

Your chocolate scrambled eggs are getting cold.

Uh, $56.28?

Yes, sir, and this is a real good bike, too.

Well, I'm sure it is.

It's just that-- well, the last bike I bought here only

cost $18.

Gee, are you sure?

I don't remember ever having a bike here at that price,

at least not a new one.

Well, it was probably before you were working here.

It was probably before he was born.

Don't you have anything a little less expensive?

After all, he's only about six years old.

Well, I have a couple of secondhand bikes in the back

if you'd like to take a look at them.

Yeah, we might as well.

Go ahead.

Naturally, they're not new, but they're

in pretty good shape.

Here's what I can let you have real cheap.

Oh, I don't know.

Well, excuse me a minute.

Looks like a piece of junk.

They all look like they're in pretty bad shape.

How much did he say a new bike cost?

$56.28.

That's ridiculous.

Let's go, huh?

Well, what about Kelly?

Well, I'm not going to lay out $56.28 to buy him a new bike.

Just have to forget it.

I just wanted to make sure it was still here.

Oh, it sure is.

It's a real beauty, too.

Is somebody going to buy it for you?

Yes, sir, a friend of mine is.

Hey, that's just great.

You're a lucky guy.

I sure am, boy.

$56.28.

Careful now.

Don't scratch it.

- Well, hi, fellas. - Hi.

What are you guys doing over here?

Oh, we always come over when you're not home.

We can get more stuff out of your freezer that way.

If that's a present for me, Pop,

I'm afraid it's a little too small.

No, this is for Kelly Dean Hopkins' little boy.

That's a nice-looking bike.

How did he promote that?

Well, it's kind of a long story.

Believe it or not, he won a bet.

He beat your father at chess.

No, he didn't beat me.

I let him win.

You let him win a bicycle from it?

No, uh, $50.

$50?

$56.28.

Gee, my first bike only cost $18,

and I had to mow the lawn all summer for it.

Well, you just weren't smart enough to beat him at chess.

The little boy is six years old.

He didn't beat me.

I let him win.

Oh, don't be too hard on your father, boys.

He's had a tough weekend.

Did you see that chess set in the living room?

Oh, is that what it is?

I thought you had company.

Very funny.

Where did you get it, Pop?

Did you lose another bet?

No, I bought it.

You bought it?

He couldn't resist a fast talking catalog.

No sales resistance, huh, Pop?

Say, don't you fellas have someplace to go

or something to do?

It's OK. We can take a hint.

Oh, now just a second.

You're not going to send them away without a gift, are you?

A gift?

Well, of course.

Which one of you lucky boys is going to take the chess set?

Oh! Oh, yes.

Say, that would be nice.

Gee, we couldn't take it away from you, Pop.

It wouldn't be fair.

No, no, no, no, I insist.

I'll tell you what, Rick.

I'll play you a game, and the loser gets it.

Well, I'd rather play Pop.

Maybe I'll wind up with a new car.

- Mr. Nelson? - Yes.

I'm George Hopkins, Kelly's father.

- Oh, won't you come in? - Thank you.

I hope you're not busy. No, not at all.

Oh, good.

I just wanted to have a little talk with you.

Why not sit down?

Oh, so this is the set Kelly's been talking about.

Yeah, this is it.

Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to apologize to him.

It really is as big as he said it was.

It's a little startling, isn't it?

Sit down, won't you?

Oh, thank you.

What can I do for you?

Well, I thought maybe we could talk a little bit

about this chess business.

Oh, yeah, well, I'm sure sorry about that mix-up.

Oh, no, I didn't mean that.

It's just that, well, thanks to you,

Kelly has suddenly shown a tremendous interest in chess.

Oh, good.

Now, this may sound strange in view of the fact

that I'm constantly associated with young people in my work,

but for some reason, I've never been

able to get really close to my own son.

Oh, well, I think that happens quite often.

Well, yes, but that's what I wanted to tell you about.

He and I have started to play chess together every evening,

and all of a sudden, we've become real pals.

Oh, gee, I'm glad to hear that.

I just wanted you to know how much I

appreciate what you've done.

I feel that you're responsible.

Oh, well, it was my pleasure.

He's a fine boy.

Well, thank you.

He's very fond of you, too.

Oh, thanks.

Say, you could do me another favor, if you will.

Oh, sure, what's that?

Well, he's so stuck on this particular chess set,

I wonder if you could tell me where

I could get one just like it.

Just like this one?

Yes, if you don't mind.

Well, you can have this one.

Oh, no, of course not, I wouldn't think of it.

No, but I want you to, believe me.

Yes, believe him.

Oh, Mrs. Nelson, how are you?

Fine. Thank you.

I was just telling Dean Hopkins

he's welcome to the chess set.

We'd like to give it to him.

But I insist on paying for it.

No, don't be silly.

Come on now, how much?

Well, $56.28.

Some guys like a 9:00 to 5:00

job and a house with a white picket fence.

Some guys live for that weekly paycheck,

but to me, it doesn't make much sense.

I don't like a tight collar suit with a matching tie.

I like to pick up and go where the four winds blow,

and that's why I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I steer clear of sweet talking gals.

They got a wedding bell on their mind.

They want a guy to stay home every night,

but me, I'm a different kind.

I move when I'm ready.

And I don't have to tell you why.

I just grab my hat and leave where I'm at,

and that's why I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

You can look for me when I'm passing through,

and I'll stay a while in your town.

We can live it up and let the good times roll,

but don't try to settle me down.

No girl is going to chain me.

I was born with a roving eye.

When the thrill is gone, well, I'll be moving on,

and that's why I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah.

I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

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