Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Rick.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by your gas company,

with pipeline companies and gas appliance and equipment

manufacturers who help you and your family

live modern for less with gas.

That's what we do at our house.

OK. Come on, you guys.

The meeting's come to order.

Hey, break that up, will you?

Hey, we're right in the middle of a hand!

Well, you got nothing.

You've got nothing. Hey, wait a second!

Bruce, you win. You got a full house.

That's great except we happen to be playing bridge.

Well, you can straighten it out later.

Come on.

Turn off the television set, will you?

And what's so important that we have to have a meeting?

Well, we've got a dance Saturday night.

We've got to make plans for it.

We didn't make any plans for the last dance.

Probably why he ended up on the same night

as a junior prom.

OK.

Meeting come to order. We don't want to waste any time.

So let's hear from the chairman of the dance committee.

Charlie? Where's Charlie?

Oh, he's not here. He's got a date tonight.

Well, that's it.

Meeting's adjourned.

Sit down, you fellas. Come on, you guys.

I promised my wife I'd be right home.

All right.

Meeting come to order.

Rick, you want to tell 'em about the letter?

Yeah, we have a notice here from Dean Hopkins.

It's the usual letter telling all the fraternities

to get on the ball, clean up our houses,

and live up to our social responsibilities.

Well, it's the same letter we ignore every month.

Well, not exactly, he's got a little added twist here

at the end.

He makes a suggestion that it might be a good idea

if the fraternities went back to the old system of having

housemothers.

It's just a suggestion.

OK.

Is there any more new business?

Wow!

Come on, will you, guys?

Will you start paying attention and turn off

the television set?

Hey, who's that?

I don't know we couldn't turn up the sound because

of the meeting. OK.

Meeting's adjourned. Turn it up.

Well, you better get going, Rick.

Kris is waiting. Thanks for reminding me.

Well, I know you have to get back to the club,

but I want to thank you very much for talking

to us, Miss La Tassel It's been a real pleasure.

Thank you. It's been lots of fun.

I hope you'll come down and see me at the club.

Try and keep me away.

Well, folks, If you've just tuned in,

we've been talking to Miss Bubbles La Tassel

a lovely exotic dancer currently appearing

at the Zimbo Zambo Club.

And we'll be back in just 60 seconds, after this message.

Well, you guys were looking for a house mother.

What about her? Yeah!

All those in favor.

Aye!

Now, wait a minute.

Nobody's made a motion yet.

Wally's right.

I make a motion we appoint Wally to send

a telegram inviting Miss Bubbles La

Tassel to be our house mother.

All those in favor.

Aye!

You sure you want to stay for dinner now?

Of course I will.

- I didn't mean you. - No, no, thanks, Mom.

Kris is probably wondering where I am right now, anyway.

OK. When's the dance?

- This Saturday night. - Oh.

Well, I'll get a couple of mothers together,

and we'll make sure you have plenty of cake and cookies.

OK. Thanks.

Why don't you wait till that housemother shows up.

Maybe she'll make them for you.

What house housemother?

Oh, it was just a gag.

We saw this girl on television last night,

and the guys suggested she might make an ideal housemother.

She was a rather attractive girl.

Oh.

Uh, Rick, that wasn't exactly the way you described her

to me.

Please, I'm talking to my mother.

What about this girl?

Oh, that's all.

The guys were just kidding.

She's an exotic dancer.

A what?

She dances down at the Zimbo Zambo Club at Eighth and Main.

How do you know?

Yeah, how do you know, Pop?

- Well, you told me. - OK.

If you say so.

I better get going.

Rick, come back here!

I haven't even had dinner yet.

Hey, who's got my pants?

What difference does it make?

You won't be dressed in time anyway.

Are you kidding?

You don't think I'm going to miss this, do you?

Has anybody seen my pants?

Hey, Rick!

Here put this on. What for?

Well, you don't want to look like a slob, do you?

What do you mean? What's going on around here?

Wally sent her the wire!

For he's a jolly good fellow. Never mind that!

She'll be here any minute!

Who'll be here?

Our new housemother!

- Bubbles La Tassel? - Yeah!

Isn't that the wildest thing you ever heard of?

He sent her the wire, and she accepted!

Well, you guys must be crazy!

You can't have her for a housemother.

What'll the dean say?

Well, nothing, unless he finds out.

I'm getting out of here.

What do you mean just a gag?

She's coming over here, isn't she?

Well, yeah, when she got our wire

she thought it would be a cute idea to accept.

You know, just as a publicity stunt.

Yeah. And she's coming over here.

Right now, and she's bringing a photographer with her

to take some pictures.

It's all perfectly innocent.

I still don't want any part of it.

- Oh, come on, Rick. - She's here!

She just drove up!

Hey, fellas, she's here. Come on, you guys.

Where are my pants?

Hey, somebody better get him...

- Oh, thanks. - Not on me, on her.

Oh, yeah!

Boy I hope there's some place to pin it on her.

Oh, Miss La Tassel, my name is Rick Nelson.

On behalf of our fraternity, I'd like

to extend you a hearty welcome.

Thank you.

Hi, fellas!

Hi!

Say, this looks like a real swinging group here.

Oh, we manage to keep things moving!

Say, you're a cute little rascal.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, same to you.

What's your name?

Plowy Wumstead.

Wally Plumstead. Hi, Wally.

Hi.

Everybody look this way, please.

Big smile.

Thank you.

Oh, this is my photographer, fellas, Eddie Benson.

- Hi, Eddie! - Hi, fellas.

Hey, look, you guys, why don't you form a line,

and you can all introduce yourself to Miss La Tassel.

How do you do, Miss La Tassel?

My name is Bruce.

Please, boys, let's not be so formal.

Just call me Mom.

My name's Phil.

- Hi, Phil - Hi.

My name's Carl. Hi, Carl.

Oh.

All right.

Honey, hold up the coat.

Move your hands so I can see your face.

All right, everybody, big smile.

This is going to make a nice, domestic picture.

Good.

Thank you.

How does that look, huh?

Beautiful.

Not only that, it's great to have a housemother around

to do these things.

Boy, you're not kidding.

Thanks, Mom.

- It's a pleasure, honey. - All right.

Let's try some out in the hall, shall we?

OK.

Fine.

Now look this way.

And there we go.

OK.

Now smile!

Fine!

All right. Here's the action on this one.

The housemother has just baked this delicious cake.

Rick, you're ready to cut it, and you guys

have your plates ready. All right?

Where's the cake.

Oh, yeah, right here.

Here we go.

Big smile.

Great.

All right.

In this tender scene, the little housemother

is taking care of this poor, sick boy.

All right?

OK.

You ready?

Here we go.

Hold it.

Great.

105?

It was worth it.

I must admit it's been an interesting afternoon.

It sure has.

Yeah, I kind of hate to see her go.

Wait till I get home and Kris says,

what happened at school today? What are you going to say?

Nothing. I'm going to change the subject.

Thanks for everything, boys.

Oh, that's OK.

Yeah, I think we got some real good pictures.

It's been a pleasure.

We'll look forward to seeing them.

You sure have a nice bunch of boys here.

Well, thanks, we really enjoyed it.

- Well, so long. - Bye,

Bye, Eddie.

See you tomorrow, Eddie.

Oh, and Eddie, would you mind bringing my bag in for me?

I left it out in the car.

OK.

Oh.

Oh, and I wonder if one of you boys

would mind showing me to my room.

- Your room? - Room?

Room?

Unless you fellas want me to stay in the dorm.

Ooh! No.

We have a room for you. Don't we, fellas?

We do? Oh, we do.

Yeah, that's right, the cook's room.

It's very nice. Yeah, of course.

It's down at the other end of the hall

and up those creaky old stairs.

Yeah, and it is a little drafty up there.

And the mattress is kind of lumpy.

But it's very nice.

It sounds interesting.

I hope I'm not putting you out too much,

but I figure if I'm going to claim to be the housemother,

I ought to spend at least one night here.

Don't you think?

- Oh, sure. - No, that's right.

Besides, we have another picture layout

planned for tomorrow.

That is if it's OK.

Oh, sure.

Well, I'll go out and get your bag for you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, and I'll show you your room.

Thank you.

Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to stay for the dance

tomorrow night.

Did she say the dance?

Yeah, I guess she did.

All right.

Which one of you guys is crazy enough to ask her to the dance?

I was.

I was.

I was.

OK, so was I. But don't look so worried.

She can't make it, anyway.

And don't look so noble.

You probably would have asked her too, but you're married.

When I get to thinking about the past and all

of the good things that were too good to last,

I cry in my heart for each little part of yesterday's

love.

Yesterday's love.

A few tender moments when heaven was mine.

The vows that you whispered with each kiss was divine.

How empty they seem.

They're lost in a dream with yesterday's love.

Yesterday's love.

Somewhere I lost you along the way, lost without knowing

the price that I'd pay.

I can't help but wonder how things

would have been if I could start over and try it again.

But love has its problems and bridges to burn.

You have to cross over, and you never return.

For dreams have their day and then fade away

with yesterday's love.

Yesterday's love.

Gee, that was great, Rick.

Oh, thanks.

Look, if you ever need a job, I'll

be glad to talk to them down at the Zimbo Zambo Club.

Thanks. I may take you up on that.

Well, I hate to break up the party, fellas.

But I think I better hit the sack.

I got a big day tomorrow.

Gee, I didn't realize it was getting so late.

It's really been a wonderful evening.

Good night, boys.

Goodnight, Mom!

Hey, wait a minute!

Aren't you going to kiss us good night?

Oh, darling boys, I forgot.

Hey, she's quite a gal, isn't she?

Yeah, I sure hope the dean doesn't find out about this.

Oh, well, who's going to be crazy enough to tell him?

Well, what about all the publicity

pictures that were taken today?

Well, maybe they won't get in the paper.

Besides, I thought you said the dean wanted

us to have a housemother.

Well, I think he had a little different type in mine.

Well, yeah!

But even if the dean does see the pictures,

he'll realize it was just a publicity stunt.

He'll probably get a big kick out of it.

Yeah, until he finds out she stayed at the fraternity

all night.

Then we'll all get kicked out of school.

Oh, come on.

Will you guys stop worrying about it?

The dean is a reasonable, intelligent man, right?

Right.

And if he does find out about it,

he'll probably understand the situation

and accept it for exactly what it is.

Right.

Now, all we have to do is figure out

a way to keep him from finding out about it.

OK.

Then let's get organized.

Phil, you go over to the dean's house

and let us know if he even thinks about leaving it.

- Right. - No, no, Phil.

- Right. - Oh, shut up.

You get a pair of binoculars and go up on the roof

and let us know if anyone comes up the walk, OK?

OK?

You told me to shut up.

We got to set up a schedule for guard duty for all

the doors.

Hey, what's the matter with you guys?

You're trying to get us kicked off the campus?

What do you mean?

Come on outside and take a look.

Oh, my gosh!

Hey, somebody go up and tell her

to get away from the window!

Are you kidding?

I'm getting out of here. Somebody turn off the lights.

Where's the main switch? I don't know!

- Well, somebody do something! - Look, she's bending her knees!

That's cheating.

Oh, shut up.

Wally?

Where is he?

Where's the dean?

Where's he at?

Hey, you've been taking sleeping pills or something?

Are you kidding? I didn't get to bed last night.

None of us did.

We were too worried about the dean finding out

about you know who.

You haven't told anybody about it, have you?

- Of course not. - Hi, Rick.

Hi, Jack.

Say, what are the chances of joining that swinging

fraternity of yours?

Jack!

I thought you said you didn't tell anybody.

Well, you know Jack. He won't say anything.

Well, I hope you haven't told anybody else.

A pretty girl is like a melody.

Come on, Mother.

Let's go back to the fraternity.

Oh, great.

You told them too, huh?

Well, you know you can trust the Betas.

Look, in a situation like this, you can't trust anybody.

Well, good afternoon, gentlemen.

Oh, Dean Hopkins!

- May I sit down? - Uh.

- Yes, uh, of course. - Please do!

Thank you.

There's been a little rumor going around the campus,

and I just thought I'd check up on it.

A rumor?

Yes, about your fraternity.

Oh, well, what's that, sir?

Well, when I sent out my recommendations the other day,

I frankly didn't expect such immediate cooperation.

But I understand you boys have engaged a housemother.

Oh.

Well, not exactly.

She's just staying in our house

on sort of a temporary basis.

- I see. - Yeah.

Well, as you know, this is my first year at the university.

And I greatly appreciate the spirit in which

you've accepted my suggestions.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Say, Rick, I hate to rush you, but don't you

have to get back to the house?

Oh, that's right. Thanks for reminding me.

Well, it's nice to have talked to you, Dean Hopkins.

Well, if you don't mind, I think I'll walk along with you.

I'd kind of like to meet the lady.

Lady?

Yes, your new housemother.

Why don't I rush on back to the fraternity house,

and you and the dean can walk over slowly.

Look, if you want to get over there real fast,

why don't you take that shortcut, you know,

around and back of the campus?

I'll do that!

Dean Hopkins.

No you don't.

Sneaking out on me again, huh? Cut it out, will you, Jack?

This is an emergency. Let's see.

Two hamburgers, two coffees-- Will you let me go.

Rick'll pay the check.

Rick, you're going to pay for him?

Oh, yeah.

It's OK.

Say, why don't you have a cup of coffee or something?

Oh, no, thanks.

Besides, I know you're in a hurry.

It's OK.

I like to walk fast.

Come on, Rick. Let's step up the pace a little.

It's a good exercise, you know.

Yes, sir.

Rick, you're going the wrong way.

It's much quicker this way.

Oh, yeah, I guess it is.

Dean, do you want an ice cream bar?

No, thank you.

Do you mind if I have one?

No, not at all.

What flavors do you have?

I have chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, banana, coconut,

cherry, butterscotch, peach, coffee, pistachio,

and black walnut.

Do you have any popsicles?

Popsicles, I got orange, raspberry, lemon, lime,

pineapple, grape, and root beer.

I think I'll have an ice cream bar.

What flavor do you want?

What were they again?

I have chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, banana, coconut,

cherry, butterscotch, peach, coffee, pistachio,

and black walnut.

You sure you don't want one, Dean?

No, you go right ahead.

Well, let's see.

I have chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, banana, coconut,

cherry, butterscotch, peach, coffee, pistachio,

and black walnut.

And black walnut.

Hi, fellas.

Oh, hi.

Do I look OK?

Yeah!

Very nice!

I thought it'd be a cute idea to have

a few pictures of your housemother doing

some gardening.

Yeah, it sure would!

Well, maybe out back.

That's a great idea, out in the backyard.

The photographer will be here any minute.

Wait a second, Dean.

I think I have something in my shoe.

Wasn't that Plumstead?

Oh, hi!

Oh!

I thought you were the photographer.

Uh.

My goodness, what happened to you?

Don't move.

Stay right there.

Dean Hopkins!

What happened to you, Plumstead?

Well, sir, I'm glad you asked me that.

It's kind of a long story.

Why don't we sit down here and let

me tell you all about it from the beginning.

Are you putting me on, Plumstead?

Oh, no, sir.

Well, then, if you don't mind, I'd

like to meet your housemother and right now!

I'm not so sure she's home.

Well, let's go in and find out, shall we?

- Hi, fellas. - Oh, hi, Mom.

Mom?

Oh, hi, Mom!

We all call her Mom.

Dean Hopkins, this is Mom, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, how do you do?

do you do, Mrs. Nelson?

I made you boys some cookies for your dance tomorrow night.

Oh, how about that?

Boy, you sure are a great mom, Mom.

We all call her Mom.

I must say you're getting right

into the spirit of this, Mrs. Nelson.

I think it's wonderful what you're doing for the boys.

Well, it's nothing really.

I'm glad to do what I can.

Nelson, are you two related?

Well, yes, sir. She's my mother.

Oh, well, I think that's just great!

Why didn't you tell me that before?

Well, I guess I should have.

Oh, why don't you boys invite the dean

in for some cookies and coffee or milk or something.

Oh, thank you.

That's very nice.

Oh, I'm afraid I'll have to take a rain check.

I have a council meeting in about 20 minutes.

Thanks just the same.

Oh, that's too bad, Dean.

I've had a candy bar and a root beer popsicle.

Well, it's been a real pleasure meeting you,

Mrs. Nelson.

I hope I'll see you again soon.

And keep up the good work.

- Thank you. - Bye, boys.

Bye, Dean.

Bye, Dean.

Wonder what he would have said if I had baked a cake.

Oh, he's the enthusiastic type.

Pardon me.

Aren't you Dean Hopkins? Yes, I am.

I thought I recognized you. I'm from "The Evening Journal."

I'm supposed to get a couple of pictures of the housemother

at the fraternity here.

Oh, yes, a very charming lady.

I just met her.

Do you suppose I could get a couple of pictures of you

and the housemother together, you know, welcoming her aboard?

Well, I'd be delighted!

It won't take too long, will it?

Just a couple of minutes.

Hi, Greg!

Oh, hi, Mrs. Nelson!

My gosh, Wally, what happened to you?

Never mind.

Just help Mrs. Nelson take these cookies into the kitchen.

Well, sure. Right this way, Mrs. Nelson.

- Thank you. - I'll be right with you, Mom.

Oh, boy, that was close.

- Too close for comfort. - Hi, Rick!

Oh, hi.

I thought maybe this might look more appropriate.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that must be the photographer.

Here, honey, let me get it.

Hey, there's a guy outside with some camera stuff.

- We know that. - Yeah, but the dean's with him.

- The dean? - He's right.

It is the dean. Well, what's the matter?

I've always wanted to meet a dean.

Well, M, but there's a rule about girls

being in the fraternity.

But I'm the housemother.

Well, yeah, but it might take a little

explaining to the dean.

Yeah, he's kind of a stickler for rules, you know,

the narrow-minded type.

Yeah, he might think you're a little too

young to be a housemother.

I wouldn't want to get you into any trouble.

Oh, good.

Then hide in the closet here.

All set?

Yeah, all set.

- Dean Hopkins! - Well, good afternoon, Dean.

What can we do for you?

Boys, this is a photographer from The Journal.

And he'd like to take some pictures

of your new housemother.

- Housemother? - Yes.

Oh, here she comes. Well, hello!

Hello again, Mrs. Nelson.

This gentleman would like to take a few pictures of you.

- Of me? - Yes, ma'am, if you don't mind.

Oh, she'd be glad to.

Oh, why don't you go out to the kitchen

and take a couple of pictures with the cookies

you baked for us.

Wonderful idea!

Oh, it's right this way.

Are you sure he wants a picture of me?

Of course.

You don't realize how much we appreciate

what you're doing for the boys.

Oh, well, if you say so.

Get her out of the closet, will you?

OK. You stand guard.

All right.

Gee, we're awful sorry about this.

Oh, I think it's exciting.

Would you believe it.

I've never been in a raid before.

Oh!

What do I do now?

Well, you can't stand around here, that's for sure.

Why don't you go around to the side of the house

and wait there.

We'll call you when the coast is clear.

OK.

No, no, not through the kitchen!

Boys.

Oh, yes, sir.

Shh!

Do you fellas want to get in the picture?

- Oh, sure. - Yes.

Come on, Wally.

No, you fellas go on ahead.

I'm not dressed for it.

Wally, where's Bubbles?

Don't worry.

We're safe.

She's outside.

Hey, what's this?

Well, it looks like a piece of Bubble's skirt or sweater

or something.

Looks like all of it to me.

Let me in.

Just a second, honey.

Here, put this on.

Isn't this a coincidence?

I used to be billed as a sweater girl.

Well, from now on, you're going

to be billed as Raggedy Ann.

Why don't you get back in the closet.

How long shall I stay here?

Well, you know the old saying, don't call us.

We'll call you.

Groovy.

Oh, wait, whose sweater is this?

It's yours.

It sounds to me like you really

got the boys off the spot.

Well, actually, I didn't have much choice.

I didn't know what was going on until it was all over.

Did you ever get to meet the exotic dancer?

Bubbles?

Yeah, and I can understand why they were worried.

Boy, she's really something.

Why didn't they ask me to make the cookies?

I'm glad you didn't.

The dean never would have believed

you were the housemother.

Hi, Mom, Pop.

Hi, fellas.

Mom, you got to come over to the dance with us right away.

- Yeah, we need your help. - What are you talking about?

What happened?

Well, the dean showed up with his wife,

and he wants her to meet our housemother.

Oh, well, look, fellas, I can't

meet the dean and his wife and pretend I'm your housemother.

Yeah, but you won't have to pretend.

Go ahead, Wally. OK.

I, Wally Plumstead, Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee,

hereby appoint you, Mrs. Harriet Nelson, housemother.

So be it.

Here's your $0.50.

What's this for?

That's why you're going to quit tomorrow

because we can't pay enough.

OK.

I'll be right with you.

Is it OK with you?

I won't be long. Oh, sure.

If I'm not here when you get back,

I'll be at the Zimbo Zambo Club.

You'd better not be.

- Goodnight, fellas. - Goodnight, Mr. Nelson.

Goodnight, Pop.

Harriet?

Harriet?

I admit she won a Charleston contest once,

but this is ridiculous.

Have you seen this?

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by your gas company.

Which helps you live modern for less with gas.

That's what we Nelsons do.

When you decorate your holiday gifts and mail

with Christmas Seals, it's your way

of sending a message of hope to thousands

of your fellow Americans, the victims of tuberculosis

and respiratory disease.

Tuberculosis and respiratory disease

are stubborn and dangerous enemies.

So when you use lots of Christmas Seals, when

you answer your Christmas Seal letter quickly

and with an open heart, it's your way of showing you care.