Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Chris.

Oh, the dining room light didn't go off, did it?

No, but the desk lamp did.

- Oh, rats. - That's OK.

I'll get a new bulb for it. No.

It wasn't the bulb that burned out.

It was me. What?

I turned it off at the fuse box.

What for?

So I could see which circuit this switch is on.

How come?

Well, you don't want me to get blown up when I fix it, do you?

Look, don't fool around with that stuff.

I told you I'd fix it.

That was two weeks ago.

Well, there's no rush. I'll get around to it.

You go ahead and study.

I've already finished my homework.

It probably needs a whole new switch anyway.

You can't fix that.

I don't know.

It might just be a loose connection.

Let me know when the dining room light goes off, will you?

OK.

Hey, would you mind tur--

Is that it?

No.

Is that it?

No.

Hey.

Did it go out?

Everything went out.

That was a main switch.

Turn it back on.

I can't.

I can't find it.

It's too dark out here.

Do you want me to help you with that?

No, thanks. I can do it.

There's a screwdriver out in the garage.

You want me to get it?

No, thank you.

This is fine.

OK.

I'm going to go turn the power back on.

I'll stand by with a fire hose.

There.

See, I fixed it.

I told you it was a loose connection.

Good.

Well, you're not showing very much enthusiasm.

Huh?

Never mind.

Go back to your studying.

I think I'll fix that towel rack as

long as I've got the tools out.

What?

The towel rack in the bathroom.

It's loose. OK.

I'll get a new one.

We don't need a new one.

It just needs to be fixed.

Well, let me take care of it.

I'll stop by the emporium tomorrow at lunchtime.

Well, OK.

Do you want me to fix a sandwich for you?

I told you. I'll get one at the emporium.

A sandwich?

Oh, yeah.

It sounds great.

I may put arsenic in it.

OK.

And some mayonnaise.

There you are, and here's your change.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Hi, Rick. - Oh, hi, Pop.

What are you doing down here?

Oh, I was just picking up a couple of things for the house.

Hey, you smell pretty good there.

Ah, yeah.

I guess I do with that.

I just-- buying some perfume for your mother.

Oh, what's the occasion?

Oh, nothing special.

I just thought I'd build up a few points in case I want

to go fishing this weekend.

That's not a bad idea.

Oh, it helps.

Hey, here's something I could use.

- Tool kit for housewives? - Yeah.

It might be pretty funny for Chris.

She was fixing a couple of things around the house

last night, and I guess I kind of gave her a bad time.

Oh, why don't you get it for her then.

Gee, I'd like to, but I got to get back to the office.

Well, I'll pick it up for you.

You and Chris are coming over to our house for dinner tonight.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, if it's not too much trouble,

I'd sure appreciate it.

OK.

Oh, and would you have it gift wrapped for me?

OK.

And would you charge it, please?

You have a charge account at the store here?

No, but I have one with you, I hope.

Oh.

It naturally comes as no great surprise

that the freedoms enjoyed by women today

compared to a generation or two ago would

bring about certain necessary adjustments

in social relationships.

We find more and more wives holding down jobs and helping

out with the family finances, and more and more husbands

helping with the dishes and changing the baby.

Yes.

Do you think this is a healthy situation?

I think that depends upon the two people involved

and what their attitudes are.

I think when a wife takes on household chores which

are normally considered a man's work, such as mowing the lawn

or fixing the plumbing, there's always the danger

that he might consider this as a reflection on his masculinity,

and also, that she might lose a certain amount

of feminine attractiveness as far as her husband is

concerned.

Yes.

What about fixing light switches.

Would you consider that unfeminine?

Well, that's a borderline case, I guess.

I know around our house if a light bulb needs changing

my wife does that herself.

And if there's anything more serious she calls me,

and I call the electrician.

Well, I see our time is about up.

We'll continue the discussion on Friday.

That sure was good, Mom.

Yeah, it sure was.

Oh, thank you.

There's another piece of pie here if you want it, Ricky.

Hey, no fair now.

Fatten up your own husband.

I already have.

Well, now just a second.

I resent that.

I don't deny it, but I resent it.

A shame for it to go to waste, though.

Oh, it won't go to waste.

As soon as I'm asleep, your father

will sneak downstairs and get it.

I will, too.

Look, this was such a good dinner,

why don't you girls go in the other room and relax,

and Rick and I'll do the dishes. We will?

Oh, no. That's OK, Dad.

We'll do them. It's a woman's job.

- Not if you can get out of it. - That's OK.

You go ahead. Pop and I'll do the dishes.

No, I really don't want you to.

You've been busy all day, and I've only had a couple classes.

OK, you talked me into it.

Uh, Harriet?

I can't hear you.

The plans have been changed.

You girls have talked us out of it.

I heard you the first time.

Looks like it's just you and I, Chris.

Oh, why don't you go in the other room.

I'll take care of these. Oh, that's OK.

I'm used to it.

Just rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher.

I know, but I just figure that's the wife's job.

Well, after you've been married for a few years,

you learn to share these little household chores.

Tell me this.

Does Mom ever fix things around the house,

you know, like light switches, stuff like that.

Well, not to be of any help.

Why?

Well, according to Dean Hopkins,

that's a good way for a wife to lose her feminine appeal as far

as her husband is concerned.

I changed a tire on the car the other day.

I guess I shouldn't have done that.

I cleaned the spark plugs, too.

Do you think that's too unfeminine?

I mean, I don't want Rick to start thinking of me

as one of the boys-- you know, neighborhood mechanic

Well, I'm sure there's no danger of that.

Well, that was quick work.

Thanks for the KP job, you guys. That's OK.

It's OK.

Now, where's my present.

Well, who told you?

I'm afraid I spoiled the surprise, Pop.

I thought you'd already given it to Mom.

Ah, I'd forgotten all about it.

Rick got a present for you too, Chris.

- For me? - Yeah.

It's a surprise. He won't tell me what it is.

Isn't that nice? What's the occasion?

Oh, it's nothing special.

I just happened to see something that reminded me of you.

Oh, no it didn't.

No, I wouldn't say that if I were you, Rick.

Well, don't you remember?

I saw it, and I said, that's for Chris.

Well, come on.

Where is it?

Yeah, I want mine, too.

Uh, well, I--

uh, let's see.

Where did I put them?

In the den behind the couch.

You peeked.

I didn't have to.

You don't think you can walk in this house with the present

without my knowing about it, do you?

Come on, you guys.

I'll get them.

Uh, Rick?

Isn't this a wonderful surprise?

Uh, Rick?

Yeah?

Here's an idea.

Why don't we switch the packages?

The more I think of it, that toolkit

would be pretty funny for your mother.

And the perfume would be just perfect for Chris.

You know, she's so dainty and feminine.

Well, that wouldn't be funny at all.

Besides, Chris will get a lot of use out of this.

You know she actually fixed our lawnmower last week?

Not so loud.

Come on.

OK.

Let's see them.

Here we are.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You first, Mom.

Oh, I just love this.

How did you know it was my favorite perfume?

Well, it's mine, too, on you, of course.

Oh, thank you, dear.

I didn't realize we had such romantic husbands.

Let me see what I have here.

It's pretty heavy-- too heavy for a negligee.

Don't expect too much, now.

It's just a gag, you know.

Oh.

What is it?

It's a tool kit for housewives.

And don't think she won't put it to good use, too.

It's, uh, just kind of a gag.

Don't you like it?

Oh, sure.

Just look at the rhinestones on that hammer.

And have you ever seen such a feminine pair of pliers?

You could almost cut your nails with them.

There's some perfume on there, too.

Very dainty.

Very feminine gift.

It's practical, too.

Look at this.

You won't have to use a table knife anymore.

Here are the keys.

Oh, thanks.

Would you mind hanging this up for me, please?

Yeah, OK.

Don't forget your tool kit.

Oh, thanks.

You don't really expect me to use this, do you?

Well, why not?

It's liable to come in handy.

Well, I don't want you to get the idea that I can fix things

because I can't. Well, what do you mean?

You did a good job on the light switch.

Well, that was just an accident.

I didn't know what I was doing.

You're much better at fixing things than I am.

Well, have it your way.

I'll tell you what.

There's a full moon tonight.

Why don't you change into something comfortable,

and we can go out on the patio under the stars,

and you can fix the swing.

Something's wrong with it.

Rick, would you come in here and help me, please?

Uh, Harriet?

Yes?

Just tell me one thing.

How did I ever get in the habit of doing

the dishes every night?

Are you kidding?

You do the dishes about once a week.

OK.

Then how did I ever get into the habit of doing the dishes once

a week?

Well, you don't have to do them

at all if you don't want to.

I remember now.

It was when we made that bargain.

You do the marketing, and I do the dishes.

I don't remember making any bargain like that.

Well, maybe I didn't actually mention it to you,

but it only seemed fair.

I just figured if I didn't help out

with the marketing, at least I could do the dishes once

in a while.

Well, if you'd rather do the marketing.

No, no.

The point is there are certain things that

seem natural for a wife to do and certain things that seem

natural for a husband to do.

Well, OK.

I'll tell you one thing.

I'm driving the car the next time we go out together.

It just seemed a little strange the other night

when we went out with the Randolphs.

You ran around and jumped in the driver's seat.

Well, why not?

I'm a good driver.

Well, I know that.

But there's nothing that makes a man look

sillier than to drive up with his wife someplace

and she's doing the driving.

Well, I thought you said you were tired that night.

Well, why would I be tired?

From doing the dishes?

Look, I'm serious, and you're not paying any attention to me.

What are you reading that's so interesting?

"Field and Stream."

"Field and Stream"?

Why aren't you reading "Vogue" or "Woman's World?"

Because you left them in the den

last night after you'd finished reading them.

Good morning.

Oh, hi.

Hey, you look beautiful this morning.

Oh, really?

Well, thank you.

Sit down and eat your eggs now before they get cold.

And here's your sports page.

Thanks.

Hey, this is quite a setup here.

Don't you have any classes this morning?

Well, yes.

But I thought I'd take a bubble bath first.

Oh, gee.

What's the matter?

Well, I saw the bubble bath in the tub there,

and it looked so inviting I took it myself.

Well, that's OK.

Oh, hold on.

Here he is.

It's Chris.

Thanks.

Yeah?

Well, gee.

Haven't you left yet?

You'll be late for class.

Oh.

Well, you probably flooded it.

Look, wait a few minutes, and then try it again.

Push the gas pedal all the way to the floorboard

and leave it there.

Yeah, OK.

Bye.

Any trouble?

Oh, she flooded the carburetor.

That's the first time she's ever done that.

It happens to the best of us.

Actually, she's a real good driver and a good mechanic,

too.

She took the windshield wiper apart

and put it back together again the other day.

Dobbs and Kelly.

Just a second.

It's Chris again.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah?

Well, sure.

Get a box.

Well, OK.

Then get two.

Look, I don't care.

Get one of each.

OK.

Goodbye.

She has to call me to get permission

to buy some Girl Scout cookies.

She can't seem to do anything for herself today.

Well, we all have days like that.

Dobbs and Kelly.

Oh, sure just a second.

Again?

Yeah.

Well, sure I do.

Yeah, that goes for me, too.

Look, I'll write it down.

Maybe you'll get the vibrations over the phone.

OK?

Yeah, I'll see you tonight.

Bye.

You think it would go without saying, but I guess it doesn't.

Oh, darn it.

Oh, that's not too bad.

Oh, it's lousy and you know it.

Oh, talk about dumb luck.

What do you mean dumb luck? It's skill.

I'll play you one more game for a chocolate malt.

You owe me 18 malts now.

It's 17.

I'll play you one more game-- double or nothing--

34 malts or nothing.

Don't you have a class or something?

Oh, yeah.

I'll be back in an hour. Oh, hi, Chris.

- Hi. - Hi, Chris.

- Hi, Chris. - Hi.

- Want to throw some darts? - Oh, no thanks.

You guys go ahead. Come on.

We can all play.

I'm not very good at it, really.

I'll just spoil the game.

Oh, come on.

OK.

She you beat me two games last week.

Ah, wait a second.

Hold it.

Yeah.

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh, that's OK.

I had to stop by the market and get some things.

They're in the car.

Would you mind getting them for me?

OK.

Oh, Rick.

I'm so glad you came along.

Would you mind helping me carry these books?

They're so heavy.

Where are you going?

To the library.

- Hi, Mrs. Nelson. - Oh.

Hi, Wally.

What are you doing here?

Oh, just picking up a little extra money after school,

but not from the cash register.

Hey, Rick's right over there. Hey, Rick?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Rick.

What are you doing down here?

I just came by for some ice cream.

Well, I'm sitting right over here.

Good. I'll be right over.

- Did you want some ice cream? - Yeah, about three quarts.

OK. What flavor?

Well, what does Mr. Nelson usually get?

Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, mocha, pistachio.

Oh, don't tell me any more.

Whatever it is he gets, I'll take it.

Sit down, Mom.

How come you're ordering the ice cream?

I thought that was pop's department?

Well, it used to be.

But for some unknown reason, there

have been some changes going on around our house.

Now, wait a second.

Does it seem like pop's trying to prove something to you?

That's right. Either to me or to himself.

Why?

Well, the same thing's been happening in our house.

And you know something?

It all started the night we went over to your place for dinner,

and Pop and Chris did the dishes.

Well, your Pop hasn't touched a dish since.

He mows the lawn.

He painted the back porch.

He even fixed the furnace.

But he won't do any marketing, and he

won't help with the dishes.

What's happened over at your house?

Well, you know Chris.

She's always been the neighborhood mechanic,

the pioneer woman.

Now, all of a sudden she's become the helpless female.

She's so delicate and feminine it's

like being married to a different girl.

Well, evidently your father's trying

to prove to me how masculine he is,

and Chris is trying to prove to you how feminine she is.

Well, you're a pretty good psychologist, Mom.

What do you suggest we do about it?

Well, now that I know what I'm fighting,

I think I can handle it.

All I've got to do is come up with a good cry.

That's OK for you, but somehow I get the feeling

that that won't work for me.

Here you are, Mrs. Nelson.

And tell Mr. Nelson if he needs any help eating it,

I'm always available.

Well, whatever you do, dear, good luck.

Thanks, Mom.

Same to you.

- Oh, good morning. - Good morning.

You look lovely as usual.

Thank you.

Here, let me get that.

Thanks.

I'm making some toast, or would you rather

have waffles or scrambled eggs or something like that?

Oh, no.

toast will be fine, thanks.

I'm in kind of a hurry anyway.

I have a few errands to do.

Here, let me get that.

You don't want to burn your little fingers.

I hope you don't mind my leaving early,

but I thought you'd be down at the sale anyway.

Sale? What sale?

Well, at the emporium.

I thought you knew about it.

Well, no.

Here, let me see that.

It looks like a good one, too.

I thought you said we were on a budget

till the end of the month.

Well, there's some awfully good bargains down there.

A sale like this is almost like saving money.

Hey, that's my line.

I noticed those cashmere sweaters are on sale.

You know, the ones you like so much?

Oh, yeah. You're right.

I guess you're a little too late

to get any of the good bargains, though.

The store's been open for about an hour, hasn't it?

No, it hasn't.

It's only been open for half an hour.

And if I hurry, I can make it down there in 10 minutes.

That is, if you don't mind. Oh, no.

Go ahead.

I have to get out of here anyway.

OK.

I'll see you later.

Rick.

Let's see.

Two minutes and 47 seconds to fix the faucet, the drawer,

the doorknob, and the car.

Not bad for a dainty little helpless female.

Ah, don't hit me.

It's not ladylike.

You mean to say you rigged all these things I just

got through fixing?

Well, I had to do something.

I don't want to be married to a helpless female.

I want to be married to you, the most beautiful, the most

feminine, the smudgiest little girl mechanic in town.

Are you by any chance trying to tell me something?

Yeah, I guess I am.

Aww.

If you don't want to miss that sale, you better get going.

Boy, you're not kidding. You want to come with me?

Yeah, OK.

I don't have a class for an hour.

- Come on, then. - Hey, wait a second.

I'm doing the driving.

Yes, master.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by Colgate Dental Cream.

Two-year clinical tests confirm Colgate a leader

in reducing new cavities.

Tastes best, too.

It's just got to be the best toothpaste.