Original subtitles

The "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring, in tonight's episode, here's Kris.

Hi, Wally.

Oh, hi, Rick.

What's the matter with you?

You look like you lost your best friend.

Oh, I don't know.

I guess I'm just in one of those depressed moods.

I've been that way for the last couple of days.

I have no appetite.

No appetite?

Who ate that sandwich and drank those malts?

Well, I did, but I didn't enjoy them.

I don't know what's the matter with me.

I'm restless. I can't sleep.

Can't sleep?

You slept all through that history lecture this morning.

I was sitting right next to you, remember?

Look, just because you saw me resting my eyes a little

doesn't mean I was sleeping.

I didn't see you, I heard you.

You were snoring.

Boy, you sure know how to hurt a guy.

Come on. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself.

But you'd think a guy can count on his best friend

to cheer him up when he feels a little depressed.

OK, what do you want me to do?

Tell some jokes?

Sing a few songs?

Lend you some money?

You better strike that last one.

See, you're making fun of me again.

Look, why don't we all go to a show tonight, you,

and Ginger, and Kris and I. There's a real funny picture

playing over at the campus.

You know, I'll bet that's what's

making me feel so depressed.

Funny pictures?

No, Ginger.

Ginger?

Oh, I know she's a great girl, and one of these days

we're going to get married.

But it's just that I feel I'm hooked already.

I feel like I'm in jail and I'm not ready for it.

Well, if you feel that way about it,

why don't you go out with somebody else occasionally?

Well, that's just it.

I don't want to lose her.

She's a wonderful girl.

She's attractive.

Has a nice disposition.

Is a good dancer.

A terrific cook?

Are you kidding?

She's the greatest.

She made some meatballs and spaghetti the other night that

were absolutely sensational.

And did you ever taste her beef stroganoff?

I've never tasted anything so delicious in my whole life.

You know, I think maybe your appetite is

starting to come back.

Well, I think maybe you're right.

Kathy, would you bring me another malt

and a ham on rye with lettuce and mayonnaise, please?

OK.

You can bring me the check.

You're kidding.

I'm going to get it anyway.

I might as well ask for it.

- If you insist. - See?

I've got you smiling.

I'll tell you what.

Give me one of those nice big Wally

laughs, and I'll even leave the tip.

I'll say this for you, Rick.

You sure know how to cheer up a guy.

- I sure appreciate this, Rick. - Oh, that's OK.

I just hope you can read them.

My handwriting isn't the greatest in the world.

If I can read my writing, I can read yours.

When do you need them back?

Well, not before this weekend.

OK, great.

Well, then, I'll drop them by your house, all right?

- OK. - And thank you.

Oh, that's OK. Any time.

Hi. Oh, hi, Rick.

Say, I thought there was a drinking

fountain around here someplace. Oh, here it is.

Very funny.

I'll have you know I lost three pounds last week.

- You're kidding? - I am not.

Unfortunately, though, I gained five of them back.

Thank goodness.

You had me worried. Doggone that Ginger.

Where is she?

She was supposed to meet me here right after class.

I don't know. I haven't seen her.

I think it's pretty darn inconsiderate of her,

keeping me waiting like this.

Take it easy there.

Thanks, Ricky.

Oh, Melinda, this is Wally Plumstead.

Hi, Wally.

Hi, would you like a drink of water?

It's on the house. No, thanks.

I've got to get these back to the library.

The library?

Well, I just happen to be going that way myself.

Oh, no, that's OK.

Oh, listen, a pretty little girl like you

shouldn't be carrying all these heavy books around.

Hey, they are kind of heavy. Would you mind taking some back?

So long, Rick.

- So long. - Bye, Rick.

Bye. Oh, Wally?

Sorry, but the young lady's in kind of a hurry.

Besides, these are getting heavy.

Want me to take a couple more of those?

Oh, no.

That's OK.

- Oh, hi, Ginger. - Never mind.

I saw him.

Who's he running off with?

What are you talking about?

You know who, fatso.

He was supposed to meet me here.

Oh, well, he waited here as long as he could.

You're a little late, you know.

I'm a little late?

Oh, well, no, I guess you're not late after all.

He was the one that was late.

He was supposed to meet me here an hour ago.

Well, you know how he gets things a little mixed

up at times.

Well, how mixed up can you get?

He was supposed to meet me, not that little blonde

whoever she was. Well, don't get mad at me.

I'm a married man.

I get enough of this at home.

Here, I'll let you carry my books for me.

And who should come up with Ginger just

in time to see him leave with his big blonde.

You mean the one with Wally, or are you

talking about some other big blonde?

- No, that's the one. - Kris told me about that.

They kind of had you in the middle, didn't they?

Well, you know Wally and Ginger.

There's always something exciting going on,

some sort of crisis.

Well, that figures.

They've been going together so long

they act like they're married.

Please, Pop.

I've had enough trouble for today.

Actually, that's probably the trouble with Wally and Ginger.

They should get married, or engaged, or something.

I thought they were engaged.

Oh, they have been, at least a dozen times.

Well then, why don't they get married?

I think all they need is a little push.

You're probably right, as long as we don't do the pushing.

Well, why not? They're friends of ours.

It'd be fun if they got married.

Well, why don't we just let them

stumble into it by themselves?

Come on, Rick.

Nobody just stumbles into marriage by himself.

Now, what do you mean by that?

Well, I mean, every time a guy stumbles

into marriage it's because a half a dozen females have

tripped him.

A half a dozen?

Why should it take so many?

Yeah, you and I could do it all alone, couldn't we, Mom?

- We sure could. - Now, wait a second.

Wally's a friend of mine.

I don't want anybody talking him into getting married.

But he wants to get married.

Well, certainly he does.

He just doesn't know it.

Harriet, this pie is great, the best you've ever made.

I bought it at the bakery.

Actually, it isn't too good, I just

wanted to change the subject.

Who was the blonde? Do you know?

Rick said it was just some girl who

needed help carrying her books.

Wally was just being a gentleman.

Well, that's the part that doesn't make any sense.

Oh, I'm sure you don't have to worry about Wally.

Well, I should hope not.

But he sure does make me mad sometimes.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi, Rick.

What's the big conversation all about, or shouldn't I ask?

Kris has been trying to talk me into proposing to Wally.

That's not true.

I hadn't quite got around to that yet.

It sounds to me like the poor guy doesn't stand a chance.

Well, I hope not.

I take it you're not mad at him anymore.

I haven't quite made up my mind.

I think I'll be mad at him for about two more days.

Then if he's real sweet and apologizes, I may forgive him.

I'm feeling I shouldn't be listening to all this.

Well, this looks like a happy little group.

- Hi. - Hi.

Say, where were you yesterday, honey?

I waited and waited and waited--

She saw you go off with the other girl.

Oh, that.

Well, I was just being a gentleman.

The poor girl was loaded down with all these books

and was on her way to the library.

And after all, you were late now, sweetie pie.

Ah!

- Hello? - Kris?

Ginger.

Oh, hi.

- You're not asleep are you? - Oh, no.

We've just been watching television.

I've been looking for Wally.

I thought he might be over at your house.

No.

We haven't seen him since this afternoon.

Well, I'm a little worried.

I can't find him anywhere.

Well, have you tried the fraternity house?

Yeah.

And they haven't seen him either.

What's the matter?

Ginger's lost Wally.

What else is new?

No, but she's really worried.

Hey, listen, do you want Rick to go out

and help find him for you? Come on, will you?

- Shh. - Oh, that's OK.

Thanks.

He's probably over at the fraternity house

but he just doesn't want to talk to me.

Gee, I'm sure sorry.

I hope I didn't have anything to do with it.

Oh, don't be silly.

It was my fault. I probably should have hit him

with my science book.

That history book is pretty heavy.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

He'll probably be around tomorrow apologizing.

Well, I sure hope so.

Well, thanks anyway. I'll see you tomorrow.

OK.

And if there's anything we can do, be sure and let us know.

OK. Good night.

Good night.

So now I have the feeling this was all my fault.

What do you mean?

Well, here I was trying to get them together.

And all I did was get them mad at each other.

Are you kidding?

It isn't your fault. Besides, there's nothing much

we can do about it.

Well, sure there is.

- Like what? - I don't know.

Think of something.

Hey, I have an idea.

Why don't we invite them both over to dinner.

I thought you said they weren't speaking to each other.

Well, we can invite Wally separately and not tell him

Ginger is going to be here.

Well, I think you're just asking for trouble.

What happens when he sees her? Do you think he'll stay?

Just bring him through the kitchen.

I guarantee he'll stay as soon as he smells the food.

That's so easy it's almost cheating.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Rick.

How about that, there's just nothing going on around here

this weekend. Are you kidding?

There's a play at the little theater.

There's an alumni picnic, and there's a fundraising dance

at the Beta house.

Yeah, but there's nothing free going on.

Look, I've got good news for you.

I think I can solve your problem.

Are you kidding?

No, I really mean it.

How would you like to come over to our house for dinner

tonight?

Hey, that's the best news I've heard in weeks.

It's a deal. What time?

About 7:30?

I'll be there.

Wait a minute.

Was this Kris's idea?

Well, yeah, but we both want you to come.

Oh, I get it.

I'm invited, but I'm supposed to bring Ginger.

This is something the girls have whipped up.

Look, all I'm doing is inviting you to dinner.

Who you go out with is your own business.

Well, OK, in that case, I accept.

Of course, when a guy is invited to dinner,

it's always nice to bring a little gift for the hostess.

Are you kidding? That's not necessary.

No, I insist. Does Kris like candy?

Yeah.

Good.

You wouldn't want to go 50/50 on it, would you?

Never mind.

Hi, anybody home?

Hi, Rick.

Oh, hi, Ginger.

Kris just ran next door to borrow something.

She'll be right back.

Oh, she's got you working, huh?

She sure has.

I'm doing the whole dinner.

It was Kris's idea.

Oh, good.

Well, you know the old saying.

The best way to a man's heart, and we

figure it's double for Wally.

Whatever you're cooking in there sure smells good.

Thanks.

I got everything he likes, which as you know is everything.

You sure he's coming?

Oh, yeah, he thought it was a great idea.

Good.

I'm wearing his favorite dress and his favorite perfume.

And I had my hair fixed just the way he likes it.

You girls sure don't give a guy a chance.

Oh, we try not to.

What do we have for dessert?

Well, apple strudel is his favorite.

But I don't make it very well.

Gee, that's too bad.

My mother makes great apple strudel.

Yes, I know.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. - I found "Shortening Bread."

- Oh, good. - "Shortening Bread"?

That's his favorite song.

Oh, Wally's really walking into a trap, isn't he.

We hope so.

- Hi, kids. - Hi.

Hi.

Here's your apple strudel.

I should have guessed.

- Hi, Melinda. - Hi, Wally.

- All set? - Yeah.

It sure was nice of you to invite me.

Well, actually, it was Rick.

He told me I could bring anyone I wanted.

And you're the one I wanted to bring.

There.

Now, if you two will sit in those chairs,

Wally will have to sit here with me.

Don't you think she's overplaying this a little bit?

No, I don't.

Will you stop talking about her as if she weren't here?

Oh, I don't mind.

In fact, I think you're being awfully nice

about the whole thing.

At this point, I'm so confused,

I don't know whether she's paying me a compliment

or just practicing. A little of both.

Would you sit here a minute, Rick?

Sure, why not.

Now, reach for a piece of candy.

Oh, yeah, this works out great.

Guess it does at that.

OK, buster.

You can get up now.

Just trying to be cooperative.

Let's see now.

Did I forget anything?

Not that I can think of.

There he is now.

Hey, wait a minute, the apron.

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Hey, do something with it.

- You girls ready? - Just open the door.

- Wait a minute, don't open it. - What's the matter?

I think I'll wait in the kitchen.

Let him come in first, smell the food.

And then I'll come out with the hors d'oeuvres.

Now, boss?

OK.

Hi!

It's Melinda, the blonde.

- What happened? - I don't know.

Rick?

We can't just leave him standing out there.

Well, you open the door.

I'm going to bed with a headache.

Oh, no, you don't.

Hi, Rick.

Hi, Wally, Melinda.

Sorry about the door.

It kind of slipped out of my hand.

Oh.

Melinda, I don't think you've met my wife.

This is Kris. Hello.

- Hi. - Why are we whispering?

Whispering?

Oh, we don't want the cake to fall.

Actually, it's apple strudel.

But you can't be too careful, you know.

- Oh. - I'll go check on it.

- Yeah, I'll give you a hand. - No, wait a minute.

You're our guest.

You just can't keep him out of the kitchen.

- So I've heard. - Can I take your coat?

- Thank you. - Hi.

How do I look? Oh, fine.

Do you think you'll be surprised?

Oh, there's no doubt about that.

Well--

Wait a second. What's that?

It's an avocado spread.

Mm.

Well, what's the matter?

Well, of course, I'm no expert.

But don't you think that's kind of salty?

There's no salt in it.

Well, maybe that's it. It's sort of bland.

You know how Wally likes his spices.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Oh, why don't you jazz it up a little?

You know, lemon juice, salt and pepper, stuff like that.

Well, OK.

Take your time. There's no rush.

Your house is just beautiful, Kris.

- Thank you. - Where'd Rick disappear to?

I'm right here.

Is everything OK?

Yeah, for the moment.

Well, why don't we all sit down?

This looks like a cozy arrangement.

Thank you.

Ah.

Oh, candy.

Say, this is cozy.

Care for some? No, thank you.

Well, excuse me again.

Well, that reminds me.

I better go check on the hors d'oeuvres, hadn't we?

Yeah, I'll give you a hand.

Would you excuse us a minute?

Sure.

Yeah, take your time.

I've got plenty of sweets to take care of me here.

What are we going to do?

Well, I guess, I'll just have to get Wally aside and tell

him.

You better get in the kitchen and keep Ginger

from coming out here.

How do I do that?

That's a good question.

Well, I'll think of something.

Great.

Well, at least that'll keep her in there.

Having any trouble out there? Need some help?

Oh, no. No, thanks.

You better help her.

Hi.

Oh, are you sure I can't help you?

Oh, no. Everything's fine.

You just stay right where you are.

Boy, these chocolates sure are good.

Better take it easy on those.

You're going to spoil your dinner.

Evidently she doesn't know me very well.

- How's it coming along? - Oh, fine.

We had a little trouble with the hors d'oeuvres.

But we'll have some more in just a few minutes.

Well, why don't you show Melinda around the house?

Oh, yeah. That's a good idea.

Would you like to see it?

Oh, I'd love to.

We can start with the bedroom.

OK, fine.

Hey, she sure is a nice girl.

I'm glad you introduced me to her.

- I'm not so sure I am. - What do you mean?

What's the matter?

Well, we've got a little problem here.

Oh, I thought there was something wrong.

You and Kris have had a little spat, huh?

Man, I wish it was that simple.

Oh, now, wait a second.

I demand to know what's going on here.

Well, we've got a little surprise for you.

Hi, sugar.

Surprise.

Ginger!

Don't run, sweetie pie.

I'm not going to throw them at you.

Oh, but I was just on my way out.

Are you kidding? You just got here.

Oh, but I--

Look what I've got for you-- food.

And there's plenty more where that came from.

And I've cooked your favorite dinner for you, mashed potatoes

and gravy and everything.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I can't, honey. I'm on a diet.

You are not. I got you over here to make up.

And the least thing you can do is listen.

- But, honey. - Never mind the buts.

Oh, that's the back door.

Do you want to get that, Ginger? Oh, OK.

I'll get it. I'll get it!

No, that's OK.

I've got that, Kris. Take your time.

Don't hurry.

Oh, hi, Phil. Hi, Rick.

Come on in.

Well, I hope I'm not interrupting your dinner.

Oh, no. That's OK.

Well, I just came by to return your notes.

- Oh, thanks. - They sure came in handy.

Anything I can do for you, just let me know.

- OK. - I'll let you be going.

I'll see you in class on Monday. Hey, oh, wait a second.

Maybe there is something you could do.

Do you have a date for tonight? No.

Well, you do now.

In fact, you've got two.

Here, put this on.

Well, I don't get it.

Well, we ran into a little date mix-up here tonight.

We're trying to work it out without hurting

anybody's feelings. I'll do my best.

Who's my date supposed to be? Ginger and Melinda.

See, each one will think you're with the other one.

Come to think of it, Rick, I've

got an awful lot of studying to do.

Oh, no, no.

I don't know what to do.

Well, just come in smiling and keep smiling

till we figure something out.

Play it by ear.

Well, OK.

Oh, wait a second.

Don't go in there.

Go around front and ring the bell.

That's a baby.

Aren't they good? Oh, sure.

But I really couldn't say, honey.

I don't feel so good.

Well, that's because nobody's been feeding you.

- Oh, Wally? - Um--

Oh, never mind.

Ginger, I hope you don't mind, but there's another couple

coming to dinner. There is?

- There is? - Yeah.

You know Melinda.

Did you tell Ginger she was here?

No, he didn't say a word.

I think I'd better be going.

I guess the girls haven't been introduced yet.

No, I guess not.

Kris, when are you girls coming back in here?

Yeah, the girls haven't been introduced yet.

No, I guess they haven't.

Melinda, this is Ginger. Ginger, this is Melinda.

- Hi. - Hi.

Have we met before?

I don't think so.

No.

Well, Phil ought to be here any minute now.

Phil?

Yeah, you know Phil.

Oh, sure, Phil.

Yeah, he ought to be at the front door any minute.

Oh, there he is.

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Phil.

This coat doesn't fit very well.

Everybody's waiting for you.

Come on in.

This is Phil Stewart, everybody. This is Melinda.

- Melinda. - My wife Kris.

- Hi. - Kris.

- Ginger. - Ginger.

- Wally. - Wally.

Hi, Phil.

Why don't we all sit down?

- Where'd he come from? - From heaven.

- In your coat and tie? - Shh.

Both of them.

I hope you know what you're doing.

Well, so much for sitting down.

Oh, chocolates.

Would anybody care for a chocolate?

Yes, I think I'll have one, thank you.

You've got some wonderful records here, Kris.

- Thank you. - Try that one.

How's everything going out there?

Well, so far so good.

I was just wondering who's going to take who home.

Well, Wally can't take Melinda.

That's for sure. But he brought her.

Pardon me. Am I interrupting anything?

No, we were just having a strategy meeting.

Oh, well, I just wanted to tell you

how much I enjoyed dinner and everything,

but I really got to get going.

Well, can't you wait a little while

so you can take one of the girls home?

Well, OK. But which one?

That's what we were trying to figure out.

Wally's got to end up with Ginger.

That was the whole plan.

Well, who's going to take Melinda?

Well, I suppose I could.

We'll figure something out.

Hey, I thought we were going to have some more coffee.

How can you think of your stomach at a time like this?

If I try to think of anything else, I shake all over.

Well, you better think about who you're going to take home.

I've already thought of that, and I've decided to take Phil.

That's fine. We should go.

Now, wait a second. Let's not panic.

We've managed to work this thing out so far.

All we have to do is keep the girls apart

so they can't compare notes. Oh, wait a minute.

Who's out there with them now?

Nobody!

OK, fatso.

But, honey!

and you show up with another date.

- I can explain that. - Well, it better be good.

- Sweetie pie. - I'll sweetie pie you.

Well, guess the cat's out of the bag.

Yeah, I guess we better go in and explain things to Melinda.

Hope she's still here.

I guess I said something wrong.

Does Wally usually go with Ginger?

Yes, I'm afraid he does.

It was all kind of a mix-up here tonight.

And we should have explained it long ago.

Oh, that's OK. I like excitement.

I really had a good time.

Of course, I must admit, it was a little bit confusing.

Well, maybe I can help to explain it

to you on the way home.

Well, I was hoping you'd say that.

- Great. - I'll get my coat.

I'll help you.

Oh, Rick, here's your coat.

I left my sweater in the car.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks for everything. That's OK.

Thank you for everything. Me too.

Bye. Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

Well, it looks like we're pretty good

matchmakers after all.

Yeah, I guess we are at that.

Of course, we did have a little difficulty matching up

the right people.

Hey, look who's back in town.

Don't tell me you two have made up.

Oh, I couldn't be mad at him. He's too sweet.

I really am, you know.

And he's going to give me his fraternity pin,

and this time for keeps.

Isn't that right, sweetie pie?

Yes, sir.

And he promised never to look at another girl again.

- Isn't that right, lover boy? - Absolutely.

And you know what she's going to do for me?

She's going to turn loose of this hammer lock.

Here, Rick.

I forgot to give you back your tie.

Thanks again.

I hope I can do the same for you sometime.

Oh, I hope I can do the same for you sometime?

Well, you know the old saying.

Variety is the spice of life.

Oh, yeah?

Some guys like a 9:00 to 5:00

job and a house with a white picket fence.

Some guys live for that a weekly paycheck.

But to me, it don't make much sense.

Now, I don't like a tight collar or a suit with a matching tie.

I like to pick up and go where the four winds blow.

And that's why I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I found happy guy.

I found happy guy.

I found happy guy.

I steer clear of sweet-talkin' gals.

They got a wedding bell on their mind.

They want a guy to stay home every night.

But me, I'm a different kind.

I move when I'm ready.

And I don't have to tell you why.

I just grab my hat and leave where I'm at.

And that's why I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

I found happy guy.

I found happy guy.

I found happy guy.

You look for me when I'm passing through.

And I'll stay a while in your town.

We can live it up and let the good times roll.

But don't try to settle me down.

No girl gonna chain me.

I was born with a roving eye.

And when the thrill is gone, well, I'll be moving on.

And that's why I'm a happy guy.

I'm a happy guy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah.

Found happy guy, I found happy guy.

Tonight's "Adventure of Ozzie and Harriet"

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