Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode-- here's Chris.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by your gas company,

with pipeline companies and gas appliance and equipment

manufacturers, who help you and your family

live modern for less with gas.

That's what we do at our house.

All finished, huh?

Yeah, and I mean all finished.

Everything's , filed, nailed or thrown away.

Good.

If I didn't have to go to a class,

I'd just hang around, put my feet up on the desk, and gloat.

Gee, I wish I could think of something for you to do.

Well, thanks just the same, but I'm leaving.

Oh, hi, Dave. Hi.

What's that?

Oh, a little prize I won for being

10 minutes late to the Chamber of Commerce luncheon.

It looks like you have a few letters to get out there.

Yeah, invitations to the annual picnic.

Boy, you really got stuck.

That's what you think.

You got stuck.

Oh come on, Dave.

I've been working like a dog here for the last two hours.

I'm all caught up.

Well, it's lucky I found something for you to do.

I might have had to fire you.

Well, fortunately, I've got a class to go to this afternoon.

Well, don't worry about it.

These will all be waiting right here for you first thing

in the morning.

That's what you get for working for your brother.

I thought you said you finished all your work.

This desk needs dusting.

The pictures are crooked.

The wastebasket needs emptying.

I'm getting out of here.

You're sure nobody saw you release

those mice in the auditorium? I'm positive.

I still say it has something to do

with our scholastic average.

Well, maybe you're right.

Are you sure you passed that Spanish test?

Oh, oui, oui, Monsieur.

Well, if you say so.

Well, there must be some reason for this.

OK, Rick, what have you been up to?

What are you talking about? Never mind what he's been up to.

Did you get caught at it?

What is all this anyway?

We received a special invitation from Dean Hopkins

today.

He wants us to send a representative over

to his office to have a little talk with him.

Oh, great.

OK, what have you guys been up to?

Well somebody's been doing something,

and nobody will own up to it. What makes you so sure?

Maybe we didn't do anything.

Well, that's enough to make the Dean suspicious right

there.

Well, the least he could do is let

us know what we're accused of so we can prepare a defense.

What we need is legal counsel.

Not only that-- we need a lawyer.

I think he's right.

Now, wait a second, you guys.

I'm not a lawyer yet.

I'm just a law clerk. Well, that's close enough.

Yeah, but I don't have a license to practice.

Oh, that's even better.

You can't send us a bill.

All those in favor--

Aye.

You're elected.

OK, come on, Wally.

Why me?

Well, if anybody's been guilty of anything around here,

it's probably you.

- Now, wait a minute. - Come on.

I haven't done anything.

Well, come on in, boys.

It's good to see you. Oh, thank you.

Sit down and make yourself comfortable.

I'll be right with you.

- Yes, sir. - Oh, we're in a lot of trouble.

He's much too happy.

Well, maybe he didn't recognize us.

Are you sure you want me here with you?

I'm pretty chicken, you know. I crack under pressure.

Shh, here he comes.

Let's see.

It's Rick Nelson and Wally Plumstead, isn't it?

- Yes, sir. - Sit down, fellas.

Oh, thank you.

In spite of any rumors you may have heard,

those chairs are not electrically wired,

and there's no trap door that drops you

into a dungeon full of crocodiles.

I'm sure everybody will be glad to hear that.

And may I add-- it's a pleasure to see you in such

a good mood, sir.

Well, as a matter of fact, I have a feeling

that university life, in general, that is,

is getting a little too serious these days, a little too

stuffy. Well, yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Of course, I realize that the prime reason for going

to college is to get an education,

but that doesn't mean you can't have a little fun

along the way, too, right? Right.

Right.

Something seems to have gone out of college life recently.

I'm afraid we've reached a point where

we're overemphasizing the academic

and forgetting all about the lighter side.

There's not enough fun and spirit anymore.

Yes, sir.

Kids don't horse around like they used to.

Oh, yes, sir.

Of course, I don't mean the men in your fraternity.

You guys are a bunch of clowns.

We are?

Well, you know what I mean.

You know how to relax, have a good time.

I remember when I was an undergraduate.

Have you heard me mention Dean Littlefield?

No, I don't think so.

Well, he and I were in school together.

In fact, we were roommates, and he was really

a kick in the head--

a good student but always ready for some fun.

I remember, once, they had a faculty luncheon.

And don't ask me how he did it, but he managed

to slip in a couple of pieces of rubber

that looked just like roast beef.

That must have been pretty funny.

Well, it wasn't for me.

I was a student waiter, and I had

a heck of a job keeping a straight face.

Well, where is he now--

Dean Littlefield?

Well, he's back East at Rutgers, which brings me

to the point of my story.

We've had a little rivalry going throughout the years-- in fact,

ever since we were in school and I beat his record

for swallowing the most goldfish.

Oh, we usually make little wagers on football and baseball

games-- things of that sort.

Oh, was he the one responsible for that stunt where

all the students crowded into the telephone booth,

a couple of years ago?

Well, I always suspected him, but I never had any real proof.

However, I just got a little advance notice

about a stunt he's up to right now.

And that's where you boys come in--

that is, if you're willing to help me out.

Sure, why not?

Oh, we'll be glad to.

Oh, what do we have to do?

Stay in bed for a week.

Stay in bed for a week?

Yeah, you see, Dean Littlefield, back at Rutgers,

has got a student who's going to stay in bed for a week--

as sort of a gag.

What's so tough about that?

Well, nothing, except you have to carry

on your normal activities, like going to classes and all.

He's going to stay in bed for a week,

and then they're going to claim the world's record.

- How can they do that? - Well, it's easy.

It's never been done before--

officially, that is.

Dean Hopkins figures if we start a day earlier, it'll

be pretty funny when this guy back there claims the world's

record and we announce we've already beaten it.

You mean the whole fraternity has to stay in bed?

No, no, just one guy.

Sounds kind of stupid to me.

Would you like to go tell that to the Dean?

I must admit you got a point there.

I think it sounds pretty funny.

Doesn't it?

I don't know.

Personally, I'm not laughing until I find out

who's going to do it.

OK, who wants to stay in bed for a week?

Aha.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

That wasn't an, I want to go to bed, yawn.

I haven't brushed my teeth yet.

There you go, Wally.

Oh, thank you.

Where do we put this?

Right over there

Hey, I hope it has a remote control.

Are you kidding?

Well, somebody's got to change the channel.

Don't worry. We'll take care of it.

Oh, things are looking up.

This ought to hold me till dinner.

Do you think you have everything?

Well, if I need anything else, I'll let you know.

Hey, how are we going to make sure he stays in bed?

Are you kidding? Just keep plenty of food here.

Of course, there's always a chance I may walk

in my sleep. If you do, just keep walking.

Hey, Wally? Phone call for you.

- Oh, thank you. - Where are you going?

Well, you heard him. I got a phone call.

- I'll get it. - Well, why can't I answer it?

Because the Dean wants you to stay in bed,

and that's where you're going to stay.

Right.

OK, OK.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Ginger.

It's Ginger.

It's Ginger.

Oh, well, tell her, hi, sweetie pie.

Hi, sweetie pie.

Hi, sweetie pie.

Oh, no, this is Rick.

That's just a message from Wally.

He can't come to the phone.

He's in bed.

Well, no, he's not sick.

She says, never mind the phony excuses.

You've got a date with her tonight.

She says, never mind your phony excuses.

You got a date with her tonight. Oh, my gosh.

I forgot. He forgot.

No, no, don't tell her that.

He's awfully sorry, Ginger, but we've

got sort of an unusual situation here.

You know Dean Hopkins-- the new Dean of Men?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, yeah.

What's she saying?

He wants to know what she's saying.

She's made reservations for dinner.

She's got two tickets for the theater.

She got her hair done and bought a new dress.

And if he doesn't show up--

what was it you were going to do?

Which one?

And if he doesn't show up, she's going to break both his legs.

She's got dinner reservations.

She's got two tickets to the theater--

Never mind. I heard him.

I got to go, you guys.

Tell her I'll be there.

Never mind.

Sorry, Ginger, he can't make it.

You see, the Dean asked--

Ginger?

Get his feet.

Get his feet.

How's Sleeping Beauty doing?

Oh, fine.

He finally quieted down.

It does seem like kind of a dirty trick.

Boy, Ginger sure was mad at him.

Yeah, she'll get over it.

Oh, this ought to cheer him up--

an apple pie and chocolate malt.

Yeah, one thing for sure-- he won't be losing any weight this

week.

Oh, Dean Hopkins, come on in.

Oh, thank you.

I just stopped over to see how our man in bed was doing.

Oh, he's just doing great.

Here you are-- your favorite mid-afternoon snack--

chocolate malt and apple pie.

Wally?

Wally?

As I was telling Nelson and Plumstead,

Dean Littlefield and I were roommates in college,

and he was always up to something.

I remember the time he tried to steal the chapel bell.

He might have gotten away with it, too,

if he hadn't dropped it on my toe.

Well, how about that?

Well, anyway, I appreciate what you boys are doing here.

Oh, we think it'll be fun.

That's what I like about you fellas.

You're not afraid to have a good time.

There's such a thing as taking college life too seriously,

you know.

Well, you don't have to worry about that around here, sir.

Well, anyway, I'm glad we got the jump on old Littlefield.

I just got word from my spies that they're

starting at 10:00 tonight.

Well, then, Wally's got a good start on him.

He's been in bed for two hours.

We wrote down the official starting time.

Oh, good, where is he-- upstairs?

Oh, yes, would you like to go up and see him?

Well, yes, if you don't mind.

I can only stay a minute.

Hey, Wally, we got company for you.

Wally? Don't tell me he's asleep.

Oh, well never mind, then. Don't disturb him.

Oh, that's all right. He's got all week to sleep.

Come on, sleepy head. Wake up.

The Dean's here.

Wave this apple pie under his nose.

Come on, will ya?

I thought you said it was Wally.

Oh, did I say Wally?

I'm sorry, Dean, it was all my fault.

Oh, don't apologize.

I'm delighted.

Frankly, I consider you a little more reliable than Plumstead.

- Oh, no-- - Of course you are.

Don't be so modest. Have an apple.

Say, Ken, why don't you show the Dean our new encyclopedia?

Well, good luck, Rick.

Right this way, Dean Hopkins.

- What encyclopedia? - Don't ask me.

Find one.

You guys, let's get one thing straight.

I'm not going to stay in this bed all week.

I've got a wife, a job, classes to go to,

all sorts of things I've got to do.

So what? Go ahead and do them.

Do anything you want.

Sure, just as long as you stay in bed for a week.

So there was nothing else I could do.

Wally had disappeared out the window,

and the Dean was on his way upstairs.

Well, all I can say is I hope the Dean appreciates

what you're doing.

Well, I'm sure he will.

What about your classes?

Well, I won't miss any.

See, the guys will carry me around to all my classes.

Yeah, and everybody will think I have a nut for a husband.

Well, only till the end of the week.

Then I'll be the campus hero.

My picture will be in all the papers.

Well, suppose the guy from Rutgers

stays in bed longer than a week. Well, he won't.

That's just it.

He thinks he's the only one doing it,

and he doesn't start until 10:00 tonight.

Well, OK.

I'll get your dinner and bring it in here.

Oh, Chris?

Would you mind moving that chair so I could watch television?

And would you turn it on for me?

Would you hand me that paper, please?

Thanks.

Would you like me to fluff your pillows up for you?

Oh, yeah, would you please?

Finished with your dinner?

Yeah, it sure was good.

Thank you.

The service was pretty good, too.

Thank you.

I wasn't finished with this.

Well, I guess you are now.

You want to get me a damp cloth?

No, I'll get you some clean sheets.

And where are you going?

I'm going to do the dishes while you change the sheets.

Me?

Sure, it's your bed.

Well, how can I--

Chris?

Well, good night.

Night.

That wasn't much of a kiss.

Wasn't supposed to be.

Chris?

Sorry.

I forgot to turn off the lights.

Do you have any classes?

Not till this afternoon.

Well, I'll see you on the campus.

Not if I can help it.

Well, if I don't see you today, I'll see you tonight.

Oh, no, you won't.

What do you mean we took a vote

and decided it was too much trouble

to bring you all the way home?

All you have to do is roll me around

with these wheels on the bed. It's still too much trouble.

You can stay at the fraternity.

Hey, that sounds like a pretty good idea.

Hi.

Hi.

Dave, Rick's here.

Well, it's about time.

Get him started on the mailing list, will you?

And where has he been the last couple of days?

Well, maybe you better talk to him.

What's the matter?

He's still in bed.

I thought you said he was here.

Well, he is, but he's still in bed.

I'll be right out.

Hi.

Well, what the heck is this all about?

Well, it's kind of a long story.

I'm involved in a contest, you might call it actually.

It's a favor I'm doing for Dean Harris.

Well, I don't care about that. Get this bed out of here.

We got work to do.

- Well, if the bed goes, I go. - What are you talking about?

I got to stay in bed for a week.

It's the dean's orders.

It was supposed to have been Wally,

but he had a date with Ginger. I don't want to hear about it.

Come on, fellas. Get him out of here.

How come? I can work.

Not in here you can't.

This is a law office.

It'd look like we're stealing clients right out

of the ambulance.

Got to get people coming in here.

OK, if you insist.

And if this is just a gag of yours to get out

of addressing those envelopes-- No, honest.

You'll read all about it in the paper next week.

Hey, maybe I can get them to mention the name of the firm.

You do, and you're fired.

Thanks a lot.

- Oh, hi, Doc. - Hi, Oz.

Come on in.

Thank you

Harriet, did you send for the doctor?

No, I feel fine. Hi, Doc.

Oh, hi, Harriet.

Well, you look wonderful.

I sure keep you in good shape, don't I?

You sure do, and thank you.

Well, how are you feeling, Doc?

Well, I've got a little stiffness in the shoulder,

and my back gives me a little trouble once in a while.

I'm sorry I asked.

Sit down, won't you? No.

No, thanks, Oz.

I can't stay.

I just dropped by to see if everybody's OK.

Oh, yeah. We're fine.

Thank you.

And what about the boys?

Well, they were fine the last time I saw them.

OK, Oz, we've been friends for a good many years now,

so I might as well get right to the point.

I wish you would.

Who's your new doctor?

New doctor? What are you talking about?

Well, after all, I brought the boys into the world.

I took care of them through whooping cough, measles,

runny noses, and watched them grow into fine young men.

So when one of them's confined to bed for some reason,

I think I ought to know about it.

Who's confined to his bed?

Well, Ricky is.

He's been in bed almost a week.

You mean you didn't hear about it?

No.

Who told you this?

Well, one of my patients said he saw some fellas

pushing Rick across the campus.

Pushing him across the campus?

Yeah, he was on a bed with wheels on it.

Well, I wonder what's wrong with--

Harriet, would you phone Rick?

Hi, Chris.

Fine.

We were a little worried.

Doc Williams heard something about Rick's being

in bed all week.

What's the matter?

- Nothing. - Nothing.

They have to rush him across the campus

to the Medical Center in his bed,

and you say nothing's the matter?

Well, OK, thanks, dear.

We'll talk to you later.

Bye-bye.

What is it?

I don't know she said something

about there being a contest to see who

could stay in bed the longest.

She said Dean Hopkins was mixed up in it somehow.

Well, that doesn't make any sense at all.

I know it.

You know, I think she just covering up

to keep us from getting worried. Where is he?

Did she say?

Yes, he's at the fraternity.

Well, why isn't he home?

I don't know, but I think we better find out.

Now, don't get excited.

It might just be a broken leg-- a simple fracture.

Should I call the doctor? I'm here.

Oh! Oh!

Now, you're sure you're not going to get

into any trouble about this.

Well, how can I?

It was the Dean's idea.

Oh, and thanks a lot for the flowers, the candy,

and the fruit. Yeah, thanks a lot.

That's OK.

That's OK.

We're just glad you're feeling all right.

Hey, what happened to the bananas?

Well, there were only two--

well, maybe three.

- How's the candy? - Oh, just great.

Thanks a lot. Hey, well, save some for me.

You're not the one who's sick, you know?

Well, he will be if he finishes that whole box.

Maybe the top layer, but not the whole box.

You're sure you're feeling all right, huh?

Oh, yeah, honest, Mom.

I feel great.

A little tired of lying in bed, but other than that,

I feel fine.

OK, we believe you.

I know it sounds like a pretty crazy stunt,

but you'll read all about it in the paper.

I'm afraid Dr. Williams still thinks I'm sick.

Oh, you mean because of this?

No, I just put this on for technical reasons.

Now I can charge your father for a house call.

That figures.

Now, as your family physician, may I

suggest we all go home and let the patient get some rest?

That's just what I need.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

What are you doing.

Well, you want to look like a guy who's

been in bed for a week, don't you?

Look, if he's going to have his picture

in the paper representing our fraternity,

then he's got to look nice.

Here, I'll do that.

Hey, you guys.

Dean Hopkins is here. OK, send him in.

We're ready.

Oh, good afternoon, Dean Hopkins.

Come right in. Good afternoon, boys.

Well, there he is-- still in bed.

Hello, Dean Hopkins.

Well, you're looking at the new world's champion.

Yes.

Well, you can get out of bed now, Mr. Nelson.

- All hail the new champion! - Hooray for Rick!

For he's a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good fellow. Gentlemen, please.

Now, hold it, fellas. The Dean wants to make a speech.

I just want you to hold the noise down a little.

Somebody's liable to hear you.

What do you mean?

Well, I'm afraid there's been a little misunderstanding.

You mean that goof-off back at Rutgers is still in bed?

Now, just a second, Plumstead.

The young man back at Rutgers is not a goof-off.

In fact, I understand he's a straight-A student--

a science major and very serious about his work.

Well, then why would he get involved

in a nutty stunt like this?

Well, that's just it.

It wasn't as nutty as I thought.

It seems that I was the victim of some misinformation.

But you said he was going to stay in bed for a week.

That's right-- he and two other students--

they were conducting scientific tests as part of our space

program to determine the physical effects

on an astronaut who would be confined to a small area

for six or seven days.

Scientific tests?

That's right.

You'll probably read about it in the papers.

Well, what about me?

I haven't been out of this bed for a week.

Will you read about me in the papers?

Well, we hope not, don't we?

I've spoken to the editor of our campus newspaper,

and he's promised to cooperate.

You mean there won't be any publicity at all?

Well, as I say, we hope not.

After all, we'd look pretty silly

if word got out that we were indulging in crazy campus

hijinks, while other universities were conducting

scientific experiments as part of our space program.

Yes, sir.

Sorry about this, Rick.

But you know the old saying--

that's show biz.

Yes, sir.

Well, so long, boys.

So long.

Bye, Dean Hopkins.

You know something?

He was wrong.

There is a trap door in his office after all.

Yeah, and I fell through it.

Boy, everybody on the campus is going to think I'm a nut.

It's lucky I've got you guys to back up my story.

What story?

Yeah, what story?

Come on, you guys.

Oh, we're only kidding you, Rick.

To the rest of the world you may be a nut,

but to us, you're the campus hero.

For he's a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's

a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny,

which nobody can deny, which nobody can deny.

Kind of gets you right here, doesn't it?

Don't you know, pretty

baby, that your daddy's still in love with you?

In love with you.

If you'd be just a little bit sweet to me--

Sweet, sweet, a little bit sweeter.

--you'd be surprised how happy this boy would be.

Be sweet, a little bit sweeter.

If you try to stop the messing around

and flirtin', maybe my heart'd stop hurting because you know,

pretty baby, that your daddy's still in love with you.

In love with you.

You're so fine.

You're so fine.

And I need you to be mine 'cause you know,

pretty baby, that nobody else will do.

Nobody else will do.

If you be just a little bit sweet to me--

Sweet, sweet, a little bit sweeter.

--you'd be surprised how good true love could be.

Be sweet, a little bit sweeter.

If you try me just a little bit longer,

maybe our love will grow stronger,

for you know, pretty baby, that your daddy's still

in love with you.

In love with you.

Come on, come on, come on.

Stop all you're messing around and swinging.

Give the bells a chance to start ringing 'cause

you know, pretty baby, that your daddy's still in love with you.

In love with you.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by your gas company--

Which helps you live modern for less, with gas.

That's what we Nelsons do.