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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:27,130 Good evening, it's great to be back with you again, isn't it, Ronnie? Yes, it 2 00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:30,350 is, and in a packed programme tonight, we were to have interviewed the star 3 00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:34,290 attraction of Lord George Davidson Circus, Alfredo the Human Bomb. 4 00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:36,510 We've just heard that he's gone off on holiday. 5 00:00:40,610 --> 00:00:46,730 But we will be introducing a talking dog who's gained something of a reputation 6 00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:47,730 as a sheep warrior. 7 00:00:48,010 --> 00:00:50,850 He runs after them and shouts, Mint sauce, mint sauce, mint sauce. 8 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,060 But first, the news. 9 00:00:55,380 --> 00:00:59,960 The stock exchange man who was protesting outside number 10 all 10 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,500 only in a pound note, was arrested when there was a sharp drop in sterling 11 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:04,500 advances. 12 00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:09,700 And there was consternation in Downing Street this morning when one of Dennis 13 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:12,960 Healy's eyebrows was indecently assaulted by a hedgehog. 14 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:22,460 The four girls were disqualified for cheating in the Miss Greater Manchester 15 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:26,240 competition last night. They were Miss Alteringham, Miss Paddingham, Miss 16 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,340 Pumpingham and Miss Duffingham. 17 00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:33,960 There was a red alert at Wormwood Scrubs this morning when it was realised that 18 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:37,840 26 of the prisoners had put their names down for picnic lunches. 19 00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:45,190 Latest reports on the electricity board man who survived a 330 ,000 volt shock 20 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:49,150 say that he is recovering rapidly and is now sitting up in hospital and feeding 21 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:56,030 himself. He's also feeding two tumble dryers, a dishwasher, the entire 22 00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:57,950 system and Esther Ransom's toothbrush. 23 00:02:01,070 --> 00:02:06,930 And now a sketch about topless go -go dancers in suburbia. 24 00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:09,539 In which I knock around with a couple of rockers. 25 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:19,780 And I rock around with a couple of nice people from Croydon. 26 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,900 How do you do? How do you do? My name's Dear. 27 00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:37,740 Arnold, dear, I come here every year. My name's Algernon Cruff. Do you write 28 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,800 limericks, I trust? No, I'm only here for the beer. 29 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,620 Just a joke. Just a rhyme and a joke. I can't help it, I'm that sort of bloke. 30 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,700 Just a joke and a rhyme and a jolly good time. 31 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,600 What I really came for was a... Smoke? 32 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,880 No, I won't. Please don't think that I'm rude. 33 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,880 Smoking's fine if you're in the right mood. 34 00:02:55,220 --> 00:02:58,520 I smoke with my food. My wife smokes in the nude, as long as it doesn't intrude. 35 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,560 Tell me, what sort of rhymes do you do? 36 00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:05,290 Oh, just things about ladies from Crewe who step off the train, catch the foot 37 00:03:05,290 --> 00:03:07,430 in the drain, and the porters are, what about you? 38 00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:12,430 Well, I've written a book, and itself is described by the Bishop of Wells as the 39 00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:16,010 best of its kind, and my work is confined to the loo walls of five -star 40 00:03:17,370 --> 00:03:19,850 Of course, published by the AA. 41 00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:24,050 Recommended by Egan Ronay, and yes, it's perfectly true, and BBC Two made it 42 00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:25,050 into a play for today. 43 00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:31,420 You're that witch. who writes things about marriages on the walls of first 44 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,600 -class railway carriages. 45 00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:36,640 Please tell me once more of that classic you saw on the seat of the boys' room 46 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:41,100 at Claridge's. Ah, my mother, a born intellectual, made me a complete 47 00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,100 homosexual. 48 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,540 Underneath wrote some fool, if I gave her the wool, would she make me one? Not 49 00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:46,540 ineffectual. 50 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:52,480 That's the stuff I wish I could write. But I sit and I ponder all night and I 51 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,320 come up with some tale of a cow and a pail and the last line's a load of... 52 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,320 Quiet, quiet. 53 00:03:58,379 --> 00:04:00,280 My room's pretty grotty. How's yours? 54 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,180 Well, there's woodworm in both of the doors. 55 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:05,560 There's a hole in the floor, but what worries me more is the dry rot they 56 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,560 in my drawers. 57 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,240 Have you noticed that little blonde tart? 58 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,120 Oh, how pretty she is, bless her heart. 59 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:14,560 She's a right little girl. 60 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,279 How well do you know her? Well, she's not a real blonde for a start. 61 00:04:22,019 --> 00:04:23,860 With those looks, I don't think I'd quibble. 62 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,780 No, I must say, I fancy a nibble. 63 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,840 He's inspired you, no doubt, with the urge to give out. Yes. 64 00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:32,040 Let's go to the gents for a scribble. 65 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,740 It's a funny old life, being a cinema commissioner, you know. 66 00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:47,680 I stand out here all Doris Day. 67 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,340 Whether it's Claude Rains or Ronald Shiners, I'm all with you. 68 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,520 Elka Summer or Shelley Winters, it's all. 69 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,690 Oh, I've got some mixed memories, though. 70 00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:02,770 I remember when I was a little Alan lad living down Sydney Green Street. 71 00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:07,270 We used to go round kicking folks' diners' doors. 72 00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:13,270 Then at Christmas time, we'd go singing Madeline Carols outside the same diner 73 00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:14,270 doors. 74 00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:15,810 And banging on the knockers. 75 00:05:17,410 --> 00:05:20,490 Of course, when I was Robert Young, I was really Cornell Wild. 76 00:05:21,370 --> 00:05:24,570 I used to go Sarah Miles after me, Warren Oaks, I did. 77 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,920 The first girl I met, she was a bit too Ron Moody, you know. 78 00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:34,140 Always Roy Bolting her food, and she had a face like a Jack Lemmon. 79 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,840 Then I met the first real love of my life. Oh, she was lovely. She had 80 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:46,020 brown eyes, a very cool Fred Astaire, and lovely big Ginger Rogers. 81 00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:52,580 Well, I was getting Henry Fonda of her all the time, but then she started a tom 82 00:05:52,580 --> 00:05:54,080 mix with the wrong people, you know. 83 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,120 A few months later, she gave birth to Anthony Quinns. 84 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,080 She tried to make out it was me what Irene done it, you know. 85 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,920 She tried to make me marry her, but I said, I'm Dirk Bogart, if I will. 86 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,100 I think she married a Peter Lorre driver in the finish. 87 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,460 Then, of course, I got a bit more victim mature, but... 88 00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:23,250 While I was still too Loretta young, I married this Rachel Wills girl from 89 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:26,330 Cardiff. But we had a Robert Stack up after a few years. 90 00:06:27,190 --> 00:06:29,770 Well, I got home one night, heard of Jane Russell in the bushes. 91 00:06:30,430 --> 00:06:33,550 I found her with another Anthony Mann, giving her a Gregory Peck on the cheek. 92 00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:37,430 Well, of course, I was in the right Sydney Fury, wasn't I? 93 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:40,430 I picked up a Patricia Rock and Danny Cayota with it. 94 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,080 Before I knew it, I was all round to the Clara Bow Street in front of the old 95 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,080 James Robertson Justice. 96 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,500 He gave me two years under Roger Moore. 97 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,740 I did ask for Stanley Holloway, but he said that was a woman's prison. 98 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,440 Mind you, that took the clear bloom from me cheeks, I can tell you. 99 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:03,000 After that, I tried living in Burt, Lancaster and even Susanna York, but I'd 100 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,820 come back to dear old Julie London eventually. 101 00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:09,620 You know, I tried various jobs. I was a Christopher Plummer for the council one 102 00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:10,620 time. 103 00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:13,600 Then I worked as an harbour gardener for the Larry Parks department. 104 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,700 I even got a job as a carol baker, but I kept burning the Lee J Cobbs a nasty 105 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,700 jolly bit. 106 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,060 That's my trouble now, you see, I keep going out under Noah Beery, that's my 107 00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:29,420 trouble. Eating the Alec Guinness. 108 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,500 I wake up with a lousy John Payne in the stomach. 109 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,040 You don't go till I've had a glass of Ari Andrews liver sauce and a couple of 110 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,040 Michael Rennies. 111 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,620 I'm all on me Richard Todd now, of course. 112 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,520 I wouldn't get married again at any Dennis Price. 113 00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:48,140 Very hard up, living on Joan Crawford's cream crackers. Still, 114 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,740 I live in Bobo. 115 00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:56,480 Although most of me low hairs are falling out and the rest are going pearl 116 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:57,480 white. 117 00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,640 I could have done better with me life. I carry Grant, yeah, yeah. 118 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,840 Better than standing here all the rain day getting spotted by the Walter 119 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,940 Still. After all, I suppose I should think myself lucky I don't work at the 120 00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:11,940 seaside, you know. 121 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,120 Wouldn't be Walter Piggins then, it'd be George Seagulls instead. 122 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,640 You just can't keen and win, can you? 123 00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:52,360 Piggy Malone and Charlie Farley are once again up to their necks in murder, 124 00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:57,120 mystery and mutts spreading in the remote Devonshire village of Drake 125 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,580 darkling's farm run by an ancient farmer and his large and lusty wife. 126 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:06,780 Our heroes meet Lucy, a wild gypsy girl who warns them of strange rituals in the 127 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:11,180 churchyard and hypnotizes Piggy into being terrified of the demon that lurks 128 00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:13,200 there. Repeat after me. 129 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,000 It's big and it's black and it's furry and I'd be afraid of it. 130 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:23,230 Charlie has invented a device to lay the ghost, but only succeeds in taking the 131 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,670 lid off something much more sinister. 132 00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:30,690 What 133 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:39,990 was 134 00:09:39,990 --> 00:09:40,969 that all about, Chief? 135 00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:43,410 I don't know, but that corpse didn't look very dead to me. 136 00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:46,730 Anyway, it's a funny time to hold a funeral. 137 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,780 You didn't half make me jump. 138 00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:06,800 What are you hanging around this graveyard this time of night for, eh? 139 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,460 Oh, he's cold. He wants another cuddle. 140 00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:12,480 See, Rock, he doesn't want anything to do with you. 141 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,900 You've got nothing to offer him, has she, Chief? 142 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:16,980 Chief? 143 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:21,520 It's big and it's black and it's furry, and I'd be afraid of it. 144 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,240 I told you, see? Come on, get up. 145 00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:26,580 Did you see that man? 146 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,160 In the coffin. 147 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:36,860 He be a black -hearted villain, that man. I do call down a curse upon him. 148 00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:38,940 Don't do that. 149 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,100 That's very unhealthy. Somebody's got to be buried in that coffin. 150 00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:45,340 Look, never mind all that. 151 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,520 Do you know that bloke? 152 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,160 Know him? 153 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,820 Everybody around these parts do know him. 154 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:54,160 He be the lord of the manor. 155 00:11:08,220 --> 00:11:09,220 Everything all right, Chief? 156 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,020 Yeah. What are you rushing about like that for? You're frightening the birds. 157 00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:14,500 Is it you've been spotted? 158 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,020 I've been spotted all over, I should think. I've got damn red ants crawling 159 00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:19,020 me leg, biting me. 160 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:20,800 I'm itching all over. 161 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,460 Well, if you can point out the parts they've bitten, I'll scratch them for 162 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,340 What were those poles in your arms? 163 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,720 If I could point them out, I could scratch the parts myself, couldn't I? 164 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,780 Can't we have our sandwiches yet? I'm starving. 165 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,080 What time is it? 166 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,500 Have a look. 167 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,020 Quarter to one. No, a quarter now to wait. 168 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,360 All right, all right. I don't need to get like that and all uppity. 169 00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:15,690 is cheese and chutney. Don't I? Cheese and chutney. 170 00:12:16,630 --> 00:12:18,730 Try the other end. 171 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:26,910 Sandwich bread. Lovely. 172 00:13:41,199 --> 00:13:44,720 Look, I've already told you I've got a plan for that. In my wallet here, I've 173 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,340 got several different business cards. I saw it on television, you see. So 174 00:13:48,340 --> 00:13:51,300 whatever occasion arises, I have a card in here to cover it. 175 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,500 How do you know what occasion's going to occur? 176 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:58,420 Well, you... Well, you size up the situation, don't you? Then you play it 177 00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,420 ear. 178 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,580 You couldn't play this one by ear. It's an optician's. 179 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,319 Point taken. 180 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,900 Oh, but don't forget, we've still got this for added protection. 181 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,240 Here, is that loaded? 182 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:09,640 I'll say it is. 183 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,640 And don't forget, the steel darts in this can travel through nine inches of 184 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:13,640 solid wood. 185 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,160 So don't get your head in the way. 186 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,020 Ah, good afternoon, ma 'am. 187 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,500 Could we have a word with hubby? 188 00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,140 My husband is dead. 189 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:49,340 Oh. Oh, well, then, perhaps, in a way, it is indeed fortunate that we have 190 00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:50,980 called at this time. 191 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:57,020 We represent an old, established firm, experienced in matters of handling 192 00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,400 situations of this sort. 193 00:14:58,780 --> 00:14:59,780 My card. 194 00:15:02,260 --> 00:15:05,000 You can rest assured that your husband will be safe in our hands. 195 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,280 Emergency plumbing service. 196 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,220 Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 197 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:14,560 J. 198 00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:17,180 Harrison Limited. 199 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,200 Undertakers and morticians. 200 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,300 Disposal of the deceased to speciality. 201 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,260 I don't need an undertaker. 202 00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:28,460 You're not supposed to bury people yourself, you know. 203 00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:33,080 My husband has been dead for eight years. 204 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:35,570 Then why are you crying? 205 00:15:37,010 --> 00:15:38,230 I'm pickling onions. 206 00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:41,370 Good day. 207 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:45,510 I 208 00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:52,990 think 209 00:15:52,990 --> 00:15:54,250 that's put them off the track. 210 00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:56,690 Oh, they're very confused now, the poor idiots. 211 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,250 Well, what's the matter? Don't you see it's very funny? 212 00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:03,430 Why aren't you laughing? 213 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:11,840 heroes have been outwitted. 214 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:17,700 Who is the mad lady of the manor? And who are the mysterious yokels who work 215 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:21,720 her? Will they too get killed as soon as they finish pickling her onions? 216 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,640 Don't miss next week's exciting episode of Stop! 217 00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:29,400 You're Killing Me! 218 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,320 So you're off work, are you? Why are you off work? 219 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,320 I'm sick. 220 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,260 What, sick of work, you mean? 221 00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:50,240 No, I've been up to the doctors with my feet. 222 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,820 Yeah, best way to go at all. 223 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,600 What's the matter with your feet? 224 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,760 Nothing. Oh, nothing? Oh, you should make page three of the Lancet without a 225 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:01,760 sick one. 226 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:06,980 Now, what I mean is, no matter how far I walk, or how often I never wash them, 227 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:08,680 My feet never smell. 228 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,619 What's the doctor say then? 229 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,359 Said I needed an operation. 230 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,339 Operation? On your feet? 231 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:16,660 No, on me nose. 232 00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:27,920 Frightened the life out of me, he did. He's a funny bloke, you know. He got out 233 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:31,040 this long pole with a hook in the end. Well, stuck it up your nose. 234 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,380 Now he opened the windows with it. 235 00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:41,800 I don't want to take no notice of doctors. If doctors are so clever, how 236 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,100 people are still getting ill? 237 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:48,260 Mind you, doctors have made some advances in recent years. Oh, yeah, I 238 00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:50,580 yeah. You read about them in the News of the World every week, don't you? 239 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,020 I don't mean that kind of advances. I mean blood transfusion, that type of 240 00:17:55,020 --> 00:17:58,660 thing. Look, don't talk to me about blood transfusion. I went up to be a 241 00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,660 donor once. 242 00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:01,580 They said I had amnesia. 243 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,700 What, so you didn't give them any? No, they finished up giving me some. 244 00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:12,690 bloody doctors. 245 00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:16,870 It's all these sick people sitting about in the waiting room. They shouldn't 246 00:18:16,870 --> 00:18:18,810 allow sick people in doctors' waiting rooms. 247 00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:21,830 It's unhealthy, isn't it? It's biological, isn't it? 248 00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:23,190 What, like stains? 249 00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:29,110 Where? 250 00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:31,310 Stains? Not where. 251 00:18:31,970 --> 00:18:32,970 Biological stains. 252 00:18:33,310 --> 00:18:34,710 Like you're getting washing powder. 253 00:18:34,950 --> 00:18:38,570 No, no, no. I mean, it's bacteria, isn't it? It's germs. You see, all the sick 254 00:18:38,570 --> 00:18:41,810 people go in to see the doctor, the doctor messes about with them, he picks 255 00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:45,230 the germs, doesn't he? Then you go in there and you pick them up. Well, a week 256 00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:48,830 later, you're back there, aren't you? Now, before you go into surgery, he 257 00:18:48,830 --> 00:18:50,910 what's wrong with you because he bloody gave it you, doesn't he? 258 00:18:55,610 --> 00:18:57,070 Remember Dr Kildare? 259 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,410 Oh, yeah. He used to affect my wife. 260 00:18:59,710 --> 00:19:00,710 Affect her what? 261 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,380 Well, you know, make her, you know, go funny. 262 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,480 Well, you see, he used to be on Sunday nights, didn't he? 263 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,480 And that was our special night, you know. 264 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:11,720 Well, it still is. 265 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,000 Sometimes. 266 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,180 What do you mean, special night? What's special night? 267 00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:24,360 Well... You know what I mean, don't you? You know. 268 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,540 I mean, don't you? 269 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,420 Don't you and your... Don't look like that, don't you? 270 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:36,010 and your missus have a special night? 271 00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:40,190 Oh, I see. Oh, yeah, I get you. Yes, we have a special night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 272 00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:41,590 When's your special night? 273 00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:42,850 Easter Monday. 274 00:19:48,030 --> 00:19:51,770 Well, Sunday used to be our special night, you see, after Dr. 275 00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:53,170 Kildare, you see. 276 00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:54,470 Suited me fine, really. 277 00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:56,710 Left the rest of the week nice and clear. 278 00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,710 And the BBC moved it to Friday night and messed up me fishing. 279 00:20:03,830 --> 00:20:07,090 Well, you see, that's why you can't trust these medical sorts, can you, see? 280 00:20:08,130 --> 00:20:10,730 I know, but there has been some great doctors, you've got to admit. 281 00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:13,550 Who? Yeah, he was very good, 18 carats. 282 00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:18,630 Not Doctor Who, I'm saying Who, name one, I mean. Oh, sorry, I thought you 283 00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:20,430 that. No, well, Livingston. 284 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:25,130 Livingston? Oh, he was a right shroody, he was, wasn't he, eh? What did 285 00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:27,870 Livingston ever do? All he ever did was got lost, didn't he? 286 00:20:28,470 --> 00:20:31,210 Very clever of that. I got lost last week going to Acton. 287 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,300 Yeah, but he got lost in the African bush. 288 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,880 Well, I got lost in Shepherd's Bush. 289 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,850 Just wear a few more clothes, that's all. 290 00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:45,950 Old Stanley, you know, Stanley, he took three years to find that Dr Livingston, 291 00:20:46,030 --> 00:20:49,550 and when he found him, rumour has it that the doctor wouldn't even give him a 292 00:20:49,550 --> 00:20:50,550 sick note. 293 00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:53,210 Well, maybe he didn't have an appointment. 294 00:20:53,770 --> 00:20:57,670 You can't trust these doctors. You read about it in the newspapers every week. A 295 00:20:57,670 --> 00:21:01,590 bloke goes in hospital to have an ingrown toenail done, he comes out with 296 00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:02,630 right arm off, doesn't he? 297 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:05,510 Well, I didn't know that cured ingrown toenails. 298 00:21:07,780 --> 00:21:11,060 Don't, it don't. It just means they've got the papers all mixed up, you see. 299 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,460 Here, the doctor says I've got to go in and have an operation of my nose. I've 300 00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:18,800 got to have me tonsils out at the same time. Yeah, well, you be careful I don't 301 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:22,360 mix the papers up. I mean, suppose they got you mixed up with a bloke who went 302 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,540 in for a sex change, eh? 303 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,260 Leave it out, precisely. 304 00:21:35,150 --> 00:21:37,330 Oh, well, if you got mixed up with him, what would you do? 305 00:21:38,450 --> 00:21:39,450 Not a lot. 306 00:21:42,030 --> 00:21:47,010 Speak with a higher -pitched voice? What about him? He'd come out with 307 00:21:47,010 --> 00:21:49,050 everything he went in with, plus a sore throat, wouldn't he? 308 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:53,530 You don't think it would possibly happen, do you? Who knows? Who knows? 309 00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:55,510 They've got no scruples, these doctors. 310 00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,990 You wouldn't have when you come out, either, would you? 311 00:21:59,630 --> 00:22:00,630 Right, I'll get them. 312 00:22:00,670 --> 00:22:02,470 What do you get out? Same again? A pint, is it? 313 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,040 Or would you prefer a small port and lemon, my little old darling, eh? 314 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:08,740 Better get used to it. Leave off. 315 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:17,040 Ladies and gentlemen, the Nolan sisters. 316 00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:50,100 Oh, baby. 317 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,980 That's why you're there. 318 00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:44,240 T 'was the day of the gravedigger's wedding. 319 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:49,280 The churchyard was shrouded in gloom, and the lads of the village sat silent, 320 00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:51,600 playing tiddlywinks on a tune. 321 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,720 The villagers trooped up the high street, trying their best not to grieve. 322 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,440 were losing their jolly young sexton, and alas, there could be no reprieve. 323 00:26:03,180 --> 00:26:06,700 Mr. Hoppin, the star undertaker, was giving his daughter away. 324 00:26:07,290 --> 00:26:10,630 and despite his morose occupation, was doing his best to look gay. 325 00:26:15,730 --> 00:26:19,470 He had finished the final arrangements. He had greeted the groom face to face. 326 00:26:21,350 --> 00:26:24,710 He knew he could make the bride happy, but he measured the lad just in case. 327 00:26:27,390 --> 00:26:28,970 The villagers all were invited. 328 00:26:29,590 --> 00:26:33,070 Invitations sent out to each guest, said be in the churchyard at midday, and 329 00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:34,310 then did no flowers by request. 330 00:26:40,780 --> 00:26:43,960 The bride wore a gown of black muslin, so pretty it fair took your breath. 331 00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:49,560 And shyly, with hesitant footsteps, she went to a fate worse than death. 332 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,440 The groom arrived late for the wedding, and the crowd were all getting alarmed. 333 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,760 He'd been in the old crown and anchor, getting completely embalmed. 334 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,940 The parson was solemnly waiting. The bride stood there, covered in veil. Her 335 00:27:09,940 --> 00:27:13,120 train was held up by two pages. His pants were held up by two nails. 336 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:26,920 When the parson had joined them and blessed them, 337 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,640 they were sentenced for better or worse, and the organ played Rescue the 338 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,620 Perishing as they hurried away in the hearse. 339 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,520 the breakfast, the bridesmaids were sent in a cab. 340 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,200 The feast was laid out in the garden. The best man laid out on a slab. 341 00:27:45,380 --> 00:27:50,100 The food was all cold as it should be. They'd spared no expense, you can tell. 342 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:54,340 An abundance of very stiff jelly and a cake with brass handles as well. 343 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,880 The verger had charge of the breakfast. The most popular toast that he gave was 344 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,100 health and long life to the bridegroom. May he live to dig many a grave. 345 00:28:06,510 --> 00:28:12,030 And as soon as the breakfast was over, and they'd filled themselves full of hot 346 00:28:12,030 --> 00:28:16,970 toddy, the bride dropped her wreath and took off her shroud, and everyone viewed 347 00:28:16,970 --> 00:28:17,970 the body. 348 00:28:39,539 --> 00:28:43,660 Tonight, I'd like, if I may, to tell you a joke that holds very nostalgic 349 00:28:43,660 --> 00:28:47,820 memories for me. I'm telling you that straight away, so that if I happen to 350 00:28:47,820 --> 00:28:52,460 break down while I'm telling it, you know, don't mind me crying. 351 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,100 Just you carry on enjoying yourselves. 352 00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:01,480 You see, I haven't told this story since that night, 20 years ago, when I 353 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,480 appeared in cabaret at the St. John's Women's Institute, our go -go. 354 00:29:08,430 --> 00:29:13,470 But it was that evening, all those years ago, when I first met the first love of 355 00:29:13,470 --> 00:29:14,610 my life, Mrs. 356 00:29:14,990 --> 00:29:19,450 Wilkinson. Now, she was a widow. She told me her husband was lost at sea 357 00:29:19,450 --> 00:29:20,870 somewhat unusual circumstances. 358 00:29:21,370 --> 00:29:23,930 Apparently had gone up the ship's mast to see if he could sight land. 359 00:29:24,330 --> 00:29:25,650 When he came down, the ship had gone. 360 00:29:28,790 --> 00:29:31,550 I think it's rather a pity he didn't take my grandfather with him. 361 00:29:32,050 --> 00:29:34,070 There I was, doing my act. 362 00:29:34,550 --> 00:29:37,450 And I noticed this beautiful woman in the audience. 363 00:29:37,870 --> 00:29:40,090 Well, I couldn't help but notice she was the audience. 364 00:29:40,510 --> 00:29:45,550 It was a very quiet evening. A lot of people had stayed at home to listen to 365 00:29:45,550 --> 00:29:50,910 Archers. And I'd just actually finished my unusual impression spot. 366 00:29:51,150 --> 00:29:57,250 I'd done Albert Schweitzer. I'd done Maurice Chevalier's mother. 367 00:29:59,970 --> 00:30:03,510 Emily Pankhurst. I'd done, you know, just the cream of the act. 368 00:30:04,890 --> 00:30:06,870 And I said, has anybody any requests? 369 00:30:07,250 --> 00:30:11,570 You know, one does, you know. And I shall never forget the thrill of hearing 370 00:30:11,570 --> 00:30:15,830 Wilkinson's voice for the first time. She said, yes, she said, if I leave the 371 00:30:15,830 --> 00:30:16,830 keys, will you lock up? 372 00:30:22,010 --> 00:30:26,950 Now, up to then, I must be honest with you, up to then, I was sort of half 373 00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:29,160 awakened. you know, to the opposite sex. 374 00:30:29,460 --> 00:30:35,080 I used to have a fantasy that Raquel Welsh would creep into my bedroom and 375 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,560 her hand down her blouse and bring out two cup final tickets. 376 00:30:41,980 --> 00:30:45,280 I actually went to see a psychiatrist about that. 377 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,560 He didn't seem to understand at all. 378 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,940 He wanted to buy one of the tickets. 379 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,720 I think... I think it's a family weakness because my dad still writes fan 380 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:57,840 letters to Julie Andrews. 381 00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,700 But he blames it on the stuff they put in your tea when he was in the army. 382 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,380 I managed to wind up my performance with something, you know, appropriate. 383 00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:08,820 A couple of verses of Silent Night or something like that. 384 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:13,340 And when I started talking to Mrs Wilkinson, I discovered she was a very 385 00:31:13,340 --> 00:31:15,220 sophisticated lady. A merry widow. 386 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,160 She was asked to every party in the district. 387 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:20,400 My God, she had some Tupperware. 388 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,960 So to cut a long story short, something I don't seem very good at, but I do try, 389 00:31:29,060 --> 00:31:34,820 in no time at all, there we are, me and Mrs Wilkinson, getting the taste of 390 00:31:34,820 --> 00:31:37,880 martini in the pub on the motorway, the flat hedgehog. 391 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:46,900 And by closing time, we both discovered that we had something in 392 00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:48,780 common. We were both drunk. 393 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,480 And I said to her, I love you. 394 00:31:52,700 --> 00:31:54,300 I said, I love you. 395 00:31:54,590 --> 00:31:57,610 And unfortunately, I happened to catch the barman's eye as I said it. 396 00:31:58,890 --> 00:32:01,170 And I still get letters from him, even now. 397 00:32:03,070 --> 00:32:04,710 And a bottle of Brut at Christmas. 398 00:32:06,290 --> 00:32:11,390 So eventually, we got to her doorway. 399 00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:12,630 I said, Mrs. 400 00:32:12,870 --> 00:32:15,970 Wilkinson, I said. She said, please don't call me Mrs. 401 00:32:16,270 --> 00:32:17,730 I said, Wilkinson, I said. 402 00:32:19,890 --> 00:32:22,210 You are the most wonderful woman I have ever met. 403 00:32:22,410 --> 00:32:23,810 You are beautiful, she said, yes. 404 00:32:24,590 --> 00:32:25,590 Sophisticated, yes. 405 00:32:25,670 --> 00:32:27,430 Sense of humor, sense of humor. 406 00:32:27,670 --> 00:32:31,230 You like a drink, I like a drink. Regular job, regular job. 407 00:32:31,570 --> 00:32:33,250 Cuddly toy, cuddly toy. 408 00:32:33,490 --> 00:32:35,470 How did Bruce Versailles get into that? 409 00:32:36,710 --> 00:32:42,470 Then she said, I am also very passionate. 410 00:32:42,850 --> 00:32:44,990 She said, would you like to come inside? 411 00:32:45,990 --> 00:32:51,090 She opened the door, you see, and she walked in. 412 00:32:52,510 --> 00:32:53,530 That's her walking in. 413 00:32:54,750 --> 00:32:58,770 I didn't walk like that. I walked sort of quite normally like that. 414 00:33:00,030 --> 00:33:02,030 As normally as the excitement would allow it. 415 00:33:07,010 --> 00:33:08,410 She opened the door, you see. 416 00:33:08,790 --> 00:33:12,510 She opened the door and there in the hall was a dead horse. 417 00:33:17,350 --> 00:33:19,710 I said, um... 418 00:33:22,180 --> 00:33:24,480 I said, what's that doing there? 419 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,680 She said, I didn't say I was tidy, did I? 420 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,600 She said, I won't be a minute. She said, why don't you go into the sitting room? 421 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,800 By the way, the bit about the dead horse is not absolutely true. 422 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,300 But if I told you the truth, you'd never believe me. 423 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,300 She said, I won't be a minute. She said, why don't you go into the sitting room, 424 00:33:46,380 --> 00:33:49,760 help yourself to a drink, she said, put on a little music, slip into something 425 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:50,760 comfortable. 426 00:33:51,180 --> 00:33:54,560 Well, it seemed a good idea at the time, so there I was, a few minutes later, 427 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:59,660 standing there, stripped down to the bifocals, standing there on my mink 428 00:33:59,660 --> 00:34:06,040 -trimmed Y -fronts, and my ex -commando vest to 429 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,679 fit a five -year -old. 430 00:34:13,389 --> 00:34:14,570 Mum had taken a tuck in the back. 431 00:34:18,969 --> 00:34:24,070 Standing there admiring the ducks up the wall and thinking to myself, isn't 432 00:34:24,070 --> 00:34:25,070 nature wonderful? 433 00:34:26,770 --> 00:34:28,750 And she came back in with her three kids. 434 00:34:29,489 --> 00:34:31,050 And she looked at me and she pointed. 435 00:34:31,350 --> 00:34:34,510 She said to them, that's what you'll look like if you don't eat your greens. 436 00:35:20,330 --> 00:35:21,570 I love on the ocean way. 437 00:35:21,930 --> 00:35:23,610 It's better than walking the street. 438 00:35:24,370 --> 00:35:25,550 Sailor's life you crave. 439 00:35:25,950 --> 00:35:27,550 Then up and follow the fleet. 440 00:35:27,850 --> 00:35:31,670 Oh, the skipper's awfully sweet when he comes for his Sunday treat. 441 00:35:32,010 --> 00:35:35,210 Well, when you're abroad, you're bound to get bored and it's nice to get off 442 00:35:35,210 --> 00:35:35,928 your feet. 443 00:35:35,930 --> 00:35:37,690 We are the sailor boy. 444 00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:39,750 The answer's always yes. 445 00:35:40,030 --> 00:35:41,670 I'm a captain, pride and joy. 446 00:35:42,030 --> 00:35:43,590 And I'm the officer's man. 447 00:35:58,030 --> 00:36:01,650 So cheer up, me lads, if you need us, we're here. 448 00:36:01,870 --> 00:36:05,550 We've already had quite a varied career. 449 00:36:05,810 --> 00:36:11,250 Oh, we've both been around, though we're not very old. We've been kissed in the 450 00:36:11,250 --> 00:36:17,030 crow's nest and held in the hold. Hearts of oak we have got, cos me bra's made 451 00:36:17,030 --> 00:36:17,868 of wood. 452 00:36:17,870 --> 00:36:21,770 We always are steady, steady girls, steady. 453 00:36:22,090 --> 00:36:25,850 Oh, she's as bad as me, but we're both pretty good. 454 00:36:30,250 --> 00:36:36,690 We love playing games on the deck or below With a bottle of rum and a quick 455 00:36:36,690 --> 00:36:43,270 yo -ho -ho Though our fishnets get torn in a game of sardines And we sink pretty 456 00:36:43,270 --> 00:36:49,730 low when we play submarines For a joke or a jar with a bloke who's a tar 457 00:36:49,730 --> 00:36:56,630 We always are ready, steady girls, steady We travel round the world but we 458 00:36:56,630 --> 00:36:57,970 don't go too far 459 00:37:03,050 --> 00:37:07,230 I had a date with a drunken sailor, Thursday night with a drunken sailor, 460 00:37:07,230 --> 00:37:10,310 fight with a drunken sailor, early Friday morning. 461 00:37:10,950 --> 00:37:15,650 Yee -haw, and up she rises, she's got knees of different sizes, one's very 462 00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:16,790 and the other wins prizes. 463 00:37:17,670 --> 00:37:24,570 Out in a rowboat with this sailor, all timed up like Elizabeth Taylor, 464 00:37:24,790 --> 00:37:28,190 shouting at each other through a small loud hailer, early in the morning. 465 00:37:28,670 --> 00:37:32,690 The fog got thicker and so did the sailor. The night got dark and he got 466 00:37:32,710 --> 00:37:38,130 Then we were hit by a bloody great whaler. Then we were hit by a bloody 467 00:37:38,130 --> 00:37:40,190 whaler every in the morning. 468 00:37:40,530 --> 00:37:44,410 Lost the oars in the small loud hailer. Hung up the blouse and tried to sail 469 00:37:44,410 --> 00:37:48,150 her. Used me brazier as a bailer all night in the morning. 470 00:37:48,670 --> 00:37:50,430 Hey ho, and I'm too tired. 471 00:37:50,650 --> 00:37:52,290 I've got to get back exercising. 472 00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:56,290 Bedding's has busted. School cat sizes six and seven eighths. 473 00:37:58,510 --> 00:38:02,550 I saved that sozzled, saturated sailor, took him back to me caravan and trailer, 474 00:38:02,750 --> 00:38:06,230 gave him a sniff of me vic inhaler, a lie in the morning. 475 00:38:06,510 --> 00:38:10,230 He took off his suit and prepared to retire, dried his bell -bottoms by the 476 00:38:10,230 --> 00:38:14,490 fire. They weren't his own, we got them on hire from the local Moss Bros. 477 00:38:14,690 --> 00:38:19,350 Hey -ho, and up she rises, they've got suits of different sizes, pockets are 478 00:38:19,350 --> 00:38:22,350 full of little surprises, early in the morning. 479 00:38:22,630 --> 00:38:27,110 Cold and wet and much, much frailer, three sizes smaller, two shades paler. 480 00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:33,260 I finished up with a shrunken sailor early in the morning. 481 00:38:47,220 --> 00:38:54,200 Bobby Shaft has gone to sea. He'll be back in time 482 00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,960 for tea. He's in charge of the WC on the channel day. 483 00:38:59,370 --> 00:39:03,470 morning, he did parts with his telescope and charts, all for a glimpse of 484 00:39:03,470 --> 00:39:05,590 foreign parts on the channel fairy. 485 00:39:06,110 --> 00:39:10,270 Bobby Shaft was tall and strong, his legs are thin and his hair is long, he 486 00:39:10,270 --> 00:39:13,270 looks like a laboratory brush gone wrong on the channel fairy. 487 00:39:13,790 --> 00:39:20,590 But I have a little plan to marry Bobby if I can, because I love a WC 488 00:39:20,590 --> 00:39:22,610 going man on the channel fairy. 489 00:39:27,580 --> 00:39:31,540 He's a naval man. You can tell it by his walk. He's a naval man when you listen 490 00:39:31,540 --> 00:39:34,280 to him talk. And the drunken things he lots of when he's lying in the gutter. 491 00:39:34,300 --> 00:39:37,380 You can bend your brain, but he's a naval man. If his kickback's full of 492 00:39:37,380 --> 00:39:40,600 wrinkles, he's a naval man. If you reach from a wink, he's a naval man. 493 00:39:40,820 --> 00:39:43,460 If he hums a little ditty and he tells you that you're pretty, you can bet your 494 00:39:43,460 --> 00:39:44,860 breasts that he's a naval man. 495 00:39:45,390 --> 00:39:49,030 He's a navel man of the ocean going soft. He's a navel man with a girly 496 00:39:49,030 --> 00:39:52,050 pop. You will see him grab and hug her yelling once upon a lager. He's a dirty 497 00:39:52,050 --> 00:39:53,270 rotten ocean of a navel. 498 00:39:53,910 --> 00:39:57,250 He's in a robot on the serpentine. If he tries to put his hand upon your 499 00:39:57,250 --> 00:39:58,149 plimsoll vine. 500 00:39:58,150 --> 00:40:00,150 You're going to get the skin you're born in if he grabs you without warning. 501 00:40:00,210 --> 00:40:02,190 You'll be scuttled in the morning. He's a navel man. 502 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:25,580 And so we now salute the gallant crew, the captains, the commanders and the 503 00:40:25,580 --> 00:40:27,980 cabin boys who sail the ocean blue. 504 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:32,540 I love each one and I've had fun with quite a few. 505 00:40:32,940 --> 00:40:39,880 We wear the colours, the flags of great renown, and we'll never, never let them 506 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:41,440 be pulled down. 507 00:40:42,020 --> 00:40:47,760 June and Tanya, the darlings of the waves, just try... 508 00:40:55,490 --> 00:40:58,130 We shall never, never leave you. 509 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:41,140 Well, that's all we have time for tonight. But before we go, here are a 510 00:41:41,140 --> 00:41:42,680 items of late news. 511 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,200 Soccer violence. 512 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:49,620 Fighting between United and City fans tonight was interrupted for 90 minutes 513 00:41:49,620 --> 00:41:51,500 when the pitch was invaded by 22 players. 514 00:41:55,180 --> 00:41:59,520 And tonight, a new pub opened its doors here in Shepherd's Bush. It's jointly 515 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,840 run by Mary Whitehouse and Percy Edwards, and it's called the Prig and 516 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:17,360 In tonight's wrestling at Lewisham Bath, Larry Grayson beat John Inman by a 517 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:18,360 technical submission. 518 00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:26,200 They were fighting for the grappling game's biggest ever person. It's about 519 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:27,440 big and all covered in sequins. 520 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:34,120 And finally, the public are warned to be on the lookout for Joseph Gomez, a 521 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:38,260 Spaniard last heard of living in Tuting, whose mother was a nun in Barcelona. 522 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,340 A one -time flautist with a symphony orchestra, he is wanted for looting in 523 00:42:42,340 --> 00:42:44,220 Haifa, where he worked on a farm. 524 00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:48,320 The police urge people to look out for a Haifa -looting, fluting, Tuting son of 525 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,720 a nun from Barcelona, part -time ploughboy Joe. 526 00:42:58,060 --> 00:43:00,720 Until next week, it's goodnight from me. And it's goodnight from him. Goodnight. 45008

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