All language subtitles for My.Boys.S02E03.The.Shirt.Contest.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Pitcher of delicious, anyone?

Beer, beer, beer.

Is that my shirt?
Oh. Yeah, sorry.

We were playing with Savannah
in the kiddy pool.
Mine got all wet.

Did Elsa get all wet?

That's crossing the line.
What?

That's his girlfriend
you're talking about, man.

So, that's the line, now?
Water?

I thought it was oil.
Like, all oiled up.

What are you doing?

Fine. Okay,
I'll say some stuff, then,

and you tell me
where the line is.

Elsa shopping for vegetables.

Elsa eating chocolate cake.

Elsa horseback riding.

What are you doing?
Maybe let's not do this.

Dude, it's his girlfriend,
all right?
Show some respect.

The man's got
feelings for her.

Feelings?
What, are you in love?

I gotta go.

He totally loves her.

Seriously, seriously,
I have to take off soon,

'cause Elsa and I are
watching this Project Runway
marathon tonight, so...

Project Runway?
The show where
they make shirts?

You watch that show?

That's lame, dude.
I could make a shirt.

No way.
Do you have any
idea how hard that is?

How hard can it be?

You take a needle,
some cloth,
a little string...

Do you mean thread?
Whatever. I can make a shirt.

You can't make a shirt.
You can't even
make your own bed.

How much you wanna bet?

$35,000.

Free booze for a month.

Fine.
We'll do a competition.

Everybody takes 20 bucks,
buys some fabric.
You buy some string.

Spend the next three days
making shirts,

and on Saturday,
we show them off.

Okay, the dude
with the best shirt

drinks for free
for the month,

on the losers' dime.

I like it. I'm in.

In. Andy?

That's okay. I've
discovered a little place
called the Gap.

Turns out they make shirts.
Besides, I got a lot
on my plate.

Jo and I are
putting the final touches
on this big real estate deal.

I guess we're
gonna need models
for our shirts.

I call Elsa!

All right, take it easy.

What?
I didn't cross the line.
I didn't say something like,

"My shirt's going to
be made of lotion."

The line!
Wow!

I can't stop smiling.
I think I'm skipping.
But I don't care.

There's a new man in my life,
and I think it's
gonna change everything.

Okay, what would be
the craziest thing

I could tell you
guys right now?

You can fly.
You're a dude.

I don't wanna play
this game anymore.

You ready?
I am writing a book...

Hey!

No, wait for it.
I am writing a book
with and about Spike Upton.

Wait, what?
Spike Upton?

As in the pitcher
Spike Upton
from the Mets?

Yes, the one and only.

Why haven't you
told us about this?
I didn't wanna jinx it.

I wanted to wait
till I got the job.

How did you
even get that job?

Well, Jack Briscoe
set me up
with Spike's agent.

His agent read my samples.
We met, totally hit it off,

and I'm writing a book
with Spike Upton!

That's unbelievable.
I'm so proud of you.

This is huge.
This is big time, okay?
Can we meet him?

Hey, Kenny, why don't
you just relax, okay?
He's just a guy.

He puts his pants
on one leg at a time,
just like everybody else.

His professional
baseball uniform pants?

Hey, P.J.

Spike, hey. How's it going?

These are my friends.

This is my brother, Andy.
Hey, Spike.

This is Brendan.
How's it going?

Mike Callahan. Big fan.

Oh. Thanks.

Huge. You're awesome.
Much better
looking in person.

Take it easy.

I can't help it. I'm just...
I'm a huge Mets fan!

He's from Chicago.

Mets! Number one!

It's all right.
I'm from Chicago.
I grew up a Cubs fan.

Me, too!
We have so much in common.
I knew we would.

Hi. I'm Kenny.
He's a little drunk.

I've seen worse.
You ever been to
Shea on a Tuesday?

Tuesdays.

We're going off to dinner
to celebrate our book, huh?

That's right.
I'm excited
to start writing,

although, I gotta say,
I don't even
know where to begin.

No, it's like I said.
Your story writes itself.

Awesome in college,
awesome in New York.

It should just be called
Totally Awesome,
by Spike Upton.

Order now and
you'll also receive

I Creeped Out Spike Upton,
by Mike Callahan.

All right.
Let's go.

Later, guys.

All right, let me see.
What did you guys get
at the fabric store?

Okay, well,
I went with some
really vibrant colors.

Like,
perfect for late spring,
early summer, what have you.

I went with
stretchy fabric.

Andy,
come on, it's not too late
to get into the competition.

No time.
This Park Ridge deal's
been keeping me busy.

I've been pulling
a lot of late nights
at the office with Jo.

Bet Savannah misses you.

Are you kidding?
She's got Bobby and Elsa.

They're like her own
private Ken and Barbie.

We went to
Target this morning.

Did you grab
those socks for me?

Top drawer,
bedroom dresser.

Thanks, honey.

Speaking of work,
what's up with
our newest and bestest buddy?

I don't know. It's weird.

Spike's not, like,
as focused as
you might think.

He's kind of ADD.

And he's really into
decorating my apartment.

He bought me sconces.

That is weird.

Okay, let me say something,
as your friend and
the biggest Mets fan ever,

this is the most
important relationship
of your life.

More important than
your future husband,
whoever he is.

I had money on Thorn.

You did? With who?
Nobody.

Okay, that's not the point.
Look, the point is
that he's famous,

I would like to
be his friend,

so please don't
screw this up.

I know, but it is...
It's really hard, okay?

We've had,
like, three meetings,

and we've barely
gotten any work done.

Well, if you ask me...
We didn't.

He can't expect you
to do all the work.

You know, I mean,
he has to meet you halfway.

If he's not into the book,
then just move on.

No, I can't do that.
This book is a huge
career changer for me.

Hey, buddy.
Brendan's here.

Brendo.
Dude, you missed our trip
to the fabric store.

Sorry about that, guys.

I lost my job.

What?

Coast has been
turned over to a computer.

Dude, that sucks, man.

What happened?

The man's
cutting costs again.

The whole
station's automated now.

I've been
replaced by an iPod.

Oh, my God.
That's terrible.

I know.

Brendo, I'm so sorry, man.
I gotta say,

I was really
starting to enjoy The Coast.

The Coast FM.

I wish there was
some magic potion

that could make all
your troubles go away.

Look what we have here.

Ooh!

Hurry up with
the sewing machine, Bob.

I've got it booked
from 4:00 to 5:00.

You know,
it's kind of cute
to watch you guys try,

but you don't
stand a chance here.

You're dealing
with the master.

I'm kind of like
the Tiger Woods of sewing.

You know what, buddy?
We're gonna let
you have that one.

Well, it does look
like it's
coming along nicely.

Look at that seam.
Really?

I have no idea.
You could hold
up a washcloth.

I wouldn't know
the difference.

Well, it's a good
thing you're a judge.

You know, Elsa and I
are taking Savannah

to the Shedd
Aquarium tomorrow.

Well, as long as
you're taking over my job
as man around the house,

do you think
you could check out
the shower head

in the guest bathroom?

I think we need a new one.

I took care of it yesterday.

Bobby, I love you.

It kills me to say this,
but I don't hate the pattern.

What happened to your voice?

My allergies are acting up.

I'm allergic
to cats and pigs.

You sound sexy.
Really?

No.

Oh!

You guys are not
gonna believe this.

Spike never
showed up for work.

What do you mean?

I went to his
hotel to meet him,
and he blew me off.

Do you have any idea
how hard it is

to sit at a hotel bar for
three hours and not drink?

I ate two pounds of nuts.

That's terrible.

Well, not the nut part.
That's always
been a fantasy of mine.

He's a professional
athlete, okay?

He leads
a completely
different life.

He can't be bothered
to be places
at certain times.

Yeah, but how am I supposed
to write a book with him?

First,
I can't get him to focus.
Now, I can't even find him.

He's busy.
Just write it for him.
Make up a bunch of stuff.

You know,
"I like pandas, corn dogs.
New York never sleeps."

Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah,
blah, done.

Dude, she can't do that.

Yeah, and I don't
even wanna do that.

I mean,
I loved good sports books
when I was a kid.

You know, they inspired me.

I wanna inspire other kids.

I know. Me, too, man.
I loved I Am Third.

Sacred Hoops.
Seabiscuit.

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

Rudy!

We're done?

Seriously, guys,
I need you to help me

figure out a way
to get through to this guy.

Okay, you have to
make him understand

that he's got
a great story to tell.

No, I've tried that.

Well, he's a baseball player.
Maybe he just needs
a little coaching.

You know,
let him know who's boss.

Get in his face.
He's very big.

Tell him you need 110%.
Coaches say that kind
of stuff all the time.

Yeah,
it's the bottom of the ninth.
Bases loaded. Fourth and one.

This is our house.
Remember the Alamo.

What are you talking about?
I don't know.

You can always tell him
what my old softball coach
used to say to me,

"You're awkward. You're slow,
and I'm worried
you might get hurt."

Brendo!
Brendo!

Hey!

Hey, Bren,
where you been?

In my room,
working the phones
trying to find another job.

It's so depressing.

All the other rock
stations are gone,

unless I wanna
move to El Paso.

Not El Paso.

Brendo, come on,
you're a great DJ.

There's gotta be another gig
out there for you.

Dude, Arizona can get
really hot.

Not even drunk.

Dude, trust me,
there are no gigs.

I mean, do you think
I would have
spent another day

playing the soft
hits of the '70s

if there were
other jobs out there?

And I need something, man.
I'm not exactly
flush with cash right now.

Well, you could
always sell off a chunk

of your massive
record collection.

To who?
All the used record
stores are gone, too.

Record stores, radio stations,
DJs, all gone. Extinct.

Just like
the pig-nosed bandicoot.

Elsa has a minor in zoology.

You know,
you could just get a job,
like, bartending

for some quick cash.

Yeah, there's, like,
two million bars in Chicago.

You could have a job
by the end of the week,
for sure.

I haven't
bartended since college.

But you've been
doing a lot of research

from the other
side of the bar.

Ha-ha.
It would be cash in hand
really soon.

Yeah, but even in college
it wasn't really bartending,
you know.

I was just sort of
in my dorm room

cracking Zimas
for trampy chicks.

Hey! I had a Zima
in your dorm room.

And?

And then I slept
with your roommate.

Hey, P.J.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh. Hey, guys.

Jordan wanted to
play 18 at Medinah,
so we played 18 at Medinah.

Because when Michael
Jordan wants to play
18 at Medinah,

you play 18 at Medinah.

Quick, guys, hide the shirts.
I don't want Spike
to see our lady work.

What's up, guys?
What are you doing?

Nothing.
Just a bunch of guys.

It's a shirt? Cool.

Really?

You might not know this,
but I got
my own clothing line.

I know. "What's Upton."
I love it.
I have your pants.

That sounds weird.

The guys
are in the middle of
a shirt-making competition.

You mean
like Project Runway?
I love that show.

Didn't you just
hate Christian?

That's like my favorite show
on the whole planet.
I watch it all the time.

Incredible.
Let me check out
your stuff.

Hey, let's just get
a little bit of
work done first.

Yeah,
this will only take a second.
What do you got?

Check this out, Spike!
This is mine.

Hey, Spike, can I talk to you
in the kitchen for a second?

Yeah, let's go. Cool.

Hey, Spike.
What's going on?

It's my putting.
That's what's costing me.

No. I mean,
do you want to do
this book?

Oh, yeah.

Then act like it,
all right?

Act like it matters.
I do.

No, you don't.

You seem to want
to do anything else
but write this book.

Oh, no.
That's not true.

Cool. Fruit.

Jeez.

Look, Spike.

Would you screw
around like this

before a start
against Atlanta?

No.

'Cause what would
happen if you did?

I'd get shelled.

All right.
Well, this is exactly
the same thing, okay?

You wanna write a book,
you gotta give it 110%.

Do you know why?
Why?

Because you are a role model.

And a good Spike Upton book
could move

and inspire all these kids
who look up to you.

Really?
Yeah.

Okay,
what was your favorite book
when you grew up?

Umm. It was a book
about how awesome
Ernie Banks was.

Do you see what I mean?

Yes.

Now, I want you
to settle down.

I want you to get
into your rhythm
and lock this up!

Yes, ma'am.
Go get 'em.

All right.

Ow!

Wow!

Hey, you wanna
hear something funny?

I am actually starting
to miss Gordon Lightfoot.

No. That is so sad.

Not as sad as this.

I got an interview.
Some swanky bar
over on Damen.

That's great.

So, what do you think?
Tucked, untucked?

Tucked.
Really? Damn.

You look good.

I feel like an idiot.

How did your little
talk with Spike go?

Oh, my God.
I think I finally
got through to him.

Yesterday we worked for,
like, three hours.

After that,
we went antiquing.
He bought me this brass urn.

Yeah, I think some people
just need solid coaching.

Well, you got any
pointers for me?

Lie about your resume.

Way ahead of you there.

Two years,
head bartender at Flush.

So, Flush?
Never heard of that place.
Sounds made up.

Yeah, right? That's
probably why it closed.

So, look, mate,
I've got to say,

I've got some concerns
with your resume.

Well, I've been DJ-ing
for the past
eight years, you know,

so I've been kind
of busy with that.

Yeah, fantastic.

Well, look, mate,
I've got to be
honest with you.

I need someone with
a bit more experience.

This place gets
absolutely mad
every night of the week.

Oh, my God.
Hi, Brendan.

Hey.

Wendy?
Yeah.

My God.

Whoa!

What is that?

Oh!

It's a baby.

A baby?

Is it yours?

Mine?
Well, yeah.
Ours, actually.

Dez plus me. So...

Ha!

This Dez?

I certainly hope so.

Yeah, Dez and I
are married.

Yeah, seven glorious
months.

Oh...

Wow! Wow.
That's a lot of
information to just...

Yeah.

Well, Dez,
this is Brendan.

Brendan. Brendan.

Oh, Brendan.

What's up?
Nice. Yeah. Fantastic.
Nice to meet you.

What are you doing here?

Well, shouldn't you
be at work?

Oh, yeah.
They finally killed
the station.

Yeah, it was
Iron Maiden one minute
and Air Supply the next.

Bloody hell.

Brendan, I'm really sorry.

Yeah, thanks.

Well, look, seeing as
though you're an old
friend of the family,

maybe we could start
you off as a bar-back.

Or you could just get
some experience
in a smaller pub,

come back,
see me in a year.

He's constantly expanding.

Yeah, opening up a new place
in Logan Square next week.

Expanding locally,
as well.

Yeah, you know,
I'm gonna think about that.

In the meantime,
I gotta go
right now, though.

I got some stuff,
you know,
some sort of,

some top-secret
stuff that I'm kind of,

you know,
putting together, so...

Good luck with that.

Well, you, too.

Yeah, okay. All right.

The guy is British, okay?
British.

I mean,
how can I compete with that?
They're just cooler.

So much cooler.
Oh! The accent.

It makes them so much
more attractive.

Colin Firth.
Jude Law.

The new James Bond guy.

Oh, my God.
Could you just die?

I mean, a British accent
and a Zima. Done and done.

Did she see the signs?

I mean, did Wendy
know that I was gonna
crash and burn this summer?

Is that why she left me?
I mean,
it's just so embarrassing.

Nobody could have
seen this coming, Bren.

Yeah, right?

And,
I mean, on top of that,
she called me Brendan.

That whore!

No, it drives him crazy
when his girlfriends
use his full name.

I don't really know
what button it pushes,
but it's a big one.

Here.
Drink right from the pitcher.
You deserve it, girl.

Thanks, but I gotta get ready
for this stupid contest.

Oh! Hey, there's Jack.
Hang on, you guys.

Don't.

I was just looking.

Jack. Hey,
what you doing here?

I'm looking for you.
Oh.

I've got some good news
and some bad news, kiddo.

The bad news,
your buddy Spike

is walking away from
the book project.

No.

Yeah, but the good
news is you're in a bar.

Which is the best
place to be

when your hopes and dreams
are crushed like little bugs.

No, wait. Okay, wait.
You're kidding me.
What happened?

I don't know.
His agent said something

about he had to get
down to Amish country
to look for quilts.

God, I can't believe it.
I thought I finally
got through to him.

Yeah, well, somebody did.

Apparently, some idiot
told him that he was
gonna have to give

110% to this book.

God. You know, Jack,
I really wanted
this to work.

I mean, I tried and
I tried and I tried.

Yeah, I know, P.J.,
but the truth is, you know,

you're not the first writer
to strike out
with Spike Upton.

No pun intended.

I wasn't?
No.

They've gone to
a couple of people

with a little more
experience first.

Thirty-four people,
to be exact.

Okay.

Anyway,
you hang in there, kiddo.

Don't you let
the bastard grind you down.

Nice.

Oh!

Wow.
Yeah.

So, Mike,
I'm actually impressed.

Tell us about your shirt.

Well, it's from
my Night and Day
collection.

Perfect for work
but also
perfect for the club.

Could you turn around, please?

Bang!
Oh, God.

Bang?

'Cause when a guy's dancing,
his back gets hot.

Right.
Okay.

Kenny, what about you?

Well,
as you know,
I'm Italian.

Uh. Half.

Anyway,
I've always been inspired
by the neighborhood cafe

where you know everybody,
where Mama brings you
a nice pasta fagioli,

maybe a good chicken parm,
maybe a nice pie.

You're wearing a tablecloth.

I'm wearing a tablecloth.

Kenny,
what happened to the shirt
you were working on?

Still wouldn't
have gone tablecloth.

Brendo,
tell us about your shirt.

She married a dude
who owns a bar. I...

Let's move on.
That's interesting.

Yeah, yeah.

That is a very
nice shirt, Bobby.

Who made
your shirt, Bob?

Me.

Elsa.

Okay, guys.
Thank you very much.

We'll call you
when we're ready.

God, it's just so sad.

It's a fashion disaster.
I'm permanently scarred.

I didn't think
they could do it,

but I didn't think
it would be that bad.

I mean, they were tasteless.
They were poorly made.

And I didn't like the shirts, either.

So, what should we do?

Well, one of them's
gotta win, right?

Or maybe one of them
doesn't have to lose
as much as the other ones.

I know what to do.

Guys! Come on back.

We have picked a winner.

Bobby, you cheated.

Kenny, it's a tablecloth.
Mike...

Bang.
Oh, no, don't.

Brendo, you are the winner
of Project Crowley's.
Congratulations.

What?
Come on.

We found your
shirt was unique,
avant-garde

and expresses
a lot about you and
your personal pain.

Ha! Yes, I knew it.
Took me 10 minutes
to do this thing. Whoo!

God, I can't believe
I drink for free.

What should I get?
What should I get?

Sympathy vote, huh?

Oh. Come on.
Look how happy he is.

You're gonna
keep wearing that?

No, I'm gonna put this on.

They're not even drunk.