Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,935 --> 00:00:06,488
That was
definitely outside.
Absolutely.
2
00:00:06,489 --> 00:00:08,248
What? That was outside!
3
00:00:08,249 --> 00:00:11,217
Athletes are always
talking about giving 110%.
4
00:00:11,218 --> 00:00:13,909
Why do they give 10% more
than everybody else?
5
00:00:15,601 --> 00:00:17,154
Kevin Huff goes down!
6
00:00:17,155 --> 00:00:18,638
Oh, my God.
It shattered his helmet.
7
00:00:18,639 --> 00:00:20,226
Dude, he might be dead.
8
00:00:20,227 --> 00:00:21,434
No. No, he's moving.
9
00:00:21,435 --> 00:00:23,574
That's not moving.
That's twitching.
10
00:00:23,575 --> 00:00:25,369
Oh, my God.
No, he's up. He's okay.
11
00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:27,198
All right. He's gonna
take his base.
12
00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:29,304
Wow! He ought to take
two or three for that.
Nice. Yeah.
13
00:00:29,305 --> 00:00:31,616
Come on.
He's a professional
baseball player.
14
00:00:31,617 --> 00:00:33,584
I mean, I could take that.
No way!
15
00:00:33,585 --> 00:00:35,724
Dude, have you ever
been hit by a pitch?
16
00:00:35,725 --> 00:00:37,484
That would shatter
every bone in your body.
17
00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:39,659
He's got a helmet.
18
00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:41,178
Mike, you threw up
when you got hit in the nuts
with a water balloon.
19
00:00:41,179 --> 00:00:43,387
Yeah, but that's
an entirely different beast.
Yes.
20
00:00:43,388 --> 00:00:45,113
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're saying
21
00:00:45,114 --> 00:00:46,459
it's worse to get hit
in the nuts with
a water balloon
22
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,461
than get hit in
the head with a baseball?
23
00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:50,290
Hey, that's how David
took down Goliath.
24
00:00:50,291 --> 00:00:54,812
And lo, the black wave cometh
across the giant.
25
00:00:54,813 --> 00:00:56,986
The giant dropped
to his knees
26
00:00:56,987 --> 00:00:58,988
and retched.
27
00:00:58,989 --> 00:01:02,199
Oh, hey, you guys.
We got a special guest
for poker tomorrow night.
28
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,477
Evan's going to play.
Who's Evan?
29
00:01:04,478 --> 00:01:06,859
Evan. He's the guy
I met at Andy's barbecue.
30
00:01:09,483 --> 00:01:11,380
Anyway, he's
a good poker player.
31
00:01:11,381 --> 00:01:13,141
You met a guy
at the barbecue?
Yeah, dude.
32
00:01:13,142 --> 00:01:14,832
I told you about him
on the ride home.
33
00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:16,040
You did?
What does he do?
34
00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:17,524
He's a botanist.
35
00:01:17,525 --> 00:01:19,630
Boy, you'd think
we would have
remembered "botanist."
36
00:01:19,631 --> 00:01:21,010
Where does he botany at?
37
00:01:21,011 --> 00:01:22,771
The Nature Museum
at Lincoln Park.
38
00:01:22,772 --> 00:01:24,186
There's a Nature
Museum at Lincoln Park?
39
00:01:24,187 --> 00:01:25,739
Yeah, it's right next
to the zoo.
40
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:26,947
There's a zoo
in Lincoln Park?
41
00:01:26,948 --> 00:01:28,121
My God!
42
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,194
What's up, happy?
Uh-oh.
43
00:01:32,609 --> 00:01:34,610
Okay, either he won
the lottery,
44
00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:37,855
or he's gonna tell us
that the McRib
just came back.
45
00:01:37,856 --> 00:01:39,063
I bought a boat.
46
00:01:39,064 --> 00:01:40,547
A what?
What?
47
00:01:40,548 --> 00:01:42,135
You bought a boat?
48
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,862
Like, a boat?
49
00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:47,071
I bought a boat and
50
00:01:47,072 --> 00:01:49,004
this awesome book
on knot-tying.
51
00:01:49,005 --> 00:01:51,006
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Where did you buy it?
52
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:53,042
Got it on craigslist.
53
00:01:53,043 --> 00:01:57,288
1969, 31-foot,
diesel-fueled
Chris Craft Commander
54
00:01:57,289 --> 00:01:59,256
that cruises
at eight knots.
55
00:01:59,257 --> 00:02:01,844
And, man,
she sure is "yar."
56
00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:03,191
Halfway through
that sentence,
57
00:02:03,192 --> 00:02:04,813
I knew he was
going to say "yar."
58
00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:06,573
I'm sorry.
You don't know
anything about boats.
59
00:02:06,574 --> 00:02:10,336
Right is starboard.
Left is port.
Bring it.
60
00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:13,477
Oh, my God. This is insane.
Why the hell did
you buy a boat?
61
00:02:13,478 --> 00:02:16,135
I got one kid. Just thought,
I got another one on the way.
62
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,757
Could be a fun
family thing, right?
63
00:02:17,758 --> 00:02:19,759
You'll all
totally get into it
64
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:23,280
when I have my
boat christening
this Saturday at 1500 hours.
65
00:02:23,281 --> 00:02:25,075
Kenny, that's 3:00.
66
00:02:42,990 --> 00:02:46,199
Andy!
Andy, hey.
67
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,822
Oh, my God,
it's a boat-boat.
68
00:02:50,618 --> 00:02:52,032
Ahoy!
69
00:02:53,863 --> 00:02:56,935
I told you she was "yar."
Congrats, man.
70
00:02:58,108 --> 00:02:59,212
Bobby.
Yeah?
71
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,420
You must have had
a boat growing up.
72
00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:01,835
Does she bring
back some memories?
73
00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:03,389
Yeah, kind of.
74
00:03:03,390 --> 00:03:04,838
Not quite the same
without the helipad, though.
75
00:03:05,944 --> 00:03:07,393
Hey, what do you think?
76
00:03:07,394 --> 00:03:09,464
The dock's icky.
Seagulls are disgusting,
77
00:03:09,465 --> 00:03:12,052
and I don't know why,
but I'm afraid
a lobster might bite me.
78
00:03:12,053 --> 00:03:13,468
There are no lobsters.
It's a lake.
79
00:03:13,469 --> 00:03:15,297
I said,
I don't know why.
80
00:03:15,298 --> 00:03:18,093
Okay, let's do it.
Let's christen this baby.
81
00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:20,129
Wait, wait, wait.
Shouldn't we
wait for Meredith?
82
00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:22,546
Oh, yeah...
She's not coming.
83
00:03:22,547 --> 00:03:25,134
Why not?
I kind of didn't tell her.
84
00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:27,206
About the christening?
About the boat.
85
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,000
Anyway...
86
00:03:31,107 --> 00:03:33,316
That's a spicy meatball.
87
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,662
Yeah!
88
00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:37,976
Let's do this.
Gonna give it up.
89
00:03:41,911 --> 00:03:42,981
Champagne?
90
00:03:45,363 --> 00:03:47,674
Yeah, don't be shy, girl.
91
00:03:47,675 --> 00:03:51,471
Andy,
you didn't tell your wife
that you bought a boat?
92
00:03:51,472 --> 00:03:53,818
Yeah, I don't know...
93
00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:57,339
It just didn't
come up, you know?
Oh.
94
00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:59,721
You realize that you're
going to have to
bring it up first?
95
00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:01,412
I mean, she's not
going to say over eggs,
96
00:04:01,413 --> 00:04:04,312
"Hey honey,
did you buy a boat today?"
97
00:04:04,313 --> 00:04:06,969
Well, see, I was flipping
through a GQ, and...
98
00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:09,282
I can already tell you're
not going to come off good
in this story.
99
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,423
And there was an article
saying that all men need
a place to call theirs.
100
00:04:12,424 --> 00:04:15,254
You know, a little hideout
to be alone with
their thoughts.
101
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,325
Yeah, but I think they mean,
like, re-do the den
102
00:04:17,326 --> 00:04:21,121
or put a bumper pool table
in the garage, not buy a boat.
103
00:04:21,122 --> 00:04:23,469
I deserve this boat.
I don't get to have
any fun anymore,
104
00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:25,505
living way out
in the suburbs.
105
00:04:25,506 --> 00:04:27,266
I mean,
there's nothing to do.
106
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,198
And I'm just so bored.
107
00:04:29,199 --> 00:04:32,132
I mean, Meredith's
getting the baby.
108
00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:34,238
What do I get?
109
00:04:34,239 --> 00:04:37,103
Um, the baby?
110
00:04:37,104 --> 00:04:41,141
Andy, come on.
This is crazy.
You gotta tell her.
111
00:04:41,142 --> 00:04:42,936
All right, fine.
I'll tell her tonight.
112
00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:46,700
I'll tell my wife I
bought a $70,000 boat.
That's gonna be great.
113
00:04:48,495 --> 00:04:51,290
Hey, Andy. That's what
the boat's called?
114
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,741
Seriously?
Yeah, why?
What do you mean?
115
00:04:58,021 --> 00:05:00,644
Nothing.
116
00:05:00,645 --> 00:05:04,855
He couldn't find one
called The Mid-life Crisis.
117
00:05:04,856 --> 00:05:06,615
Or The Obvious Cry For Help.
118
00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:07,996
My dad bought a Porsche.
119
00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:10,516
My dad took up heavy,
heavy drinking.
120
00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:11,655
Cheaper than a Porsche.
121
00:05:11,656 --> 00:05:13,243
No, it wasn't.
122
00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:21,043
They gave your
dad a gold watch?
They still do that?
123
00:05:21,044 --> 00:05:22,907
Yeah, and it was
a nice one.
124
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,495
It's so strange, though.
125
00:05:24,496 --> 00:05:25,979
I saw a whole
other side to my dad.
126
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:29,258
Everyone kept coming up to him
and calling him Sparky.
127
00:05:29,259 --> 00:05:32,365
My dad has a nickname,
and it's "Sparky."
128
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,402
Were you close with your dad?
Apparently not.
129
00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:36,783
Although I plan on getting
a lot closer to Sparky.
130
00:05:41,824 --> 00:05:44,067
Oh, let me get that for you.
Ah. Thanks.
131
00:05:46,311 --> 00:05:48,278
Oh.
I pushed it further.
132
00:05:50,522 --> 00:05:52,006
Got a stool?
Uh...
133
00:05:52,938 --> 00:05:56,147
Yeah. I got... Yeah.
134
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,253
Oh, here.
Let me get that at least.
135
00:05:58,254 --> 00:05:59,842
Oh. Excuse me.
136
00:06:00,636 --> 00:06:02,395
Hello! It's us.
137
00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:04,949
Hey, you guys.
138
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,295
Oh, hey, hey.
139
00:06:06,296 --> 00:06:07,573
You remember Evan.
Yeah. Sure, sure, sure, sure.
140
00:06:07,574 --> 00:06:09,195
What's your name again?
Evan, dude.
141
00:06:09,196 --> 00:06:11,784
Good to see you, pal.
142
00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:13,475
Excuse me, Evan.
Gotta put the grub down.
143
00:06:13,476 --> 00:06:15,650
You need some help?
Nope.
144
00:06:15,651 --> 00:06:19,101
Yeah, so they totally replayed
the hell out of that beanball
on SportsCenter last night.
145
00:06:19,102 --> 00:06:20,620
No way.
146
00:06:20,621 --> 00:06:23,520
Yeah. I saw it.
And I stand by
my original position.
147
00:06:23,521 --> 00:06:25,694
I could take it.
148
00:06:25,695 --> 00:06:29,111
Yeah. You can't get a feel of
the intensity of something
like that from a replay.
149
00:06:29,112 --> 00:06:31,666
No. That's why I look
at the Zapruder film
and I'm, like, "Eh."
150
00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,253
Too soon.
Really?
151
00:06:33,254 --> 00:06:34,808
Excuse me.
Sorry.
152
00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:36,878
Oh, oh, oh.
Sorry.
153
00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:38,845
Let me just...
Grabbin' a bowl.
154
00:06:38,846 --> 00:06:40,745
Get out of everybody's way.
155
00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:44,195
Guys, Andy's not
picking up his phone.
156
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,714
Does anybody know
why he's not here?
157
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:47,475
Maybe he hit an iceberg.
158
00:06:47,476 --> 00:06:50,201
What, is he on the Titanic,
or something?
159
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,962
Yeah. See,
that was kind of the joke.
160
00:06:51,963 --> 00:06:54,482
He bought a boat, so...
161
00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:58,037
Hit an iceberg. Right.
Yeah, that's why
he's not here, then.
162
00:06:58,038 --> 00:06:59,866
Right.
163
00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:04,353
So Andy's out,
but no problem,
'cause we got...
164
00:07:04,354 --> 00:07:06,632
You.
Evan.
165
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:09,429
Yeah, let's play.
Oh, hey, just pull up
that chair.
166
00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:16,124
So, Evan,
what do you do?
I'm a botanist.
167
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,539
Really?
168
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:18,679
Yeah.
169
00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:23,926
Ah.
170
00:07:26,756 --> 00:07:30,966
So the knife slipped
and it sliced
the very tip of this finger,
171
00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:34,038
so the top of it is
just flapping around
up and down,
172
00:07:34,039 --> 00:07:35,902
like, you know,
like a little hat
or something.
173
00:07:35,903 --> 00:07:39,250
Like, "Hello! Hello!"
A little hat. "Hello! Hello!"
174
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:40,493
Oh, my God.
Didn't that hurt?
175
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,599
No, 'cause,
you know, I'm like Mike.
176
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,566
I just shrugged it off
and I played the banjo.
177
00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:47,604
You know,
my banjo made of lemons.
178
00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:50,296
All right.
I'm sorry, okay?
179
00:07:50,297 --> 00:07:52,954
I'm sorry that
I'm more of a man
than anyone else here.
180
00:07:52,955 --> 00:07:54,645
Ow. That was mean.
181
00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:55,888
Okay, I got one.
182
00:07:55,889 --> 00:07:57,855
One summer, we were camping
up in Door County.
183
00:07:57,856 --> 00:07:59,339
I totally misjudged
the sunset...
184
00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:01,963
Door County.
You ever been up there
for the fall festival?
185
00:08:01,964 --> 00:08:03,274
Oh, this is awesome.
Are you going to tell the...
186
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,276
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, this is such
a good story.
187
00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:07,278
Hang on.
You gotta hear this.
188
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,453
Every year,
they do this helicopter
Ping-Pong ball thing,
189
00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:11,006
where they drop, like,
thousands of Ping-Pong balls
from the sky...
190
00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:13,492
Clang, clang, clang!
And some of them
have prizes in them.
191
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,252
So, bango!
We win a dinner for two.
192
00:08:15,253 --> 00:08:17,012
At this great
perch restaurant.
193
00:08:17,013 --> 00:08:18,393
The one with
the bowling alley?
Yeah.
194
00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:19,808
The Perch and Bowl.
Is that what it's called?
195
00:08:19,809 --> 00:08:21,948
No idea.
Either way,
we order the perch,
196
00:08:21,949 --> 00:08:23,778
and we start
joking around like,
"Wouldn't it be funny
197
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:25,814
"if we got a little fishbone
caught in our throat?"
198
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:28,437
And then I actually get
a fishbone caught
in my throat!
199
00:08:28,438 --> 00:08:29,542
So I'm sitting there choking.
200
00:08:31,476 --> 00:08:33,442
And I think he's doing a bit,
so I start fake choking
back at him.
201
00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:37,585
So the owner comes over,
and apparently
his fake choking
202
00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:39,621
was better than my
real choking, so...
203
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:41,589
So he comes over
and gives me the Heimlich.
204
00:08:41,590 --> 00:08:44,143
And I'm like,
"No, no, no!
I'm doing a bit!"
205
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:46,525
But he doesn't know
what a bit is,
so I look over at Mike,
206
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,597
and he's turning blue.
So I gotta go over to him
and give him the Heimlich.
207
00:08:49,598 --> 00:08:52,013
Bang! The fishbone
comes out of my throat.
208
00:08:52,014 --> 00:08:53,773
Everyone in
the restaurant applauds,
209
00:08:53,774 --> 00:08:55,257
and there's blood
dripping out of my throat.
210
00:08:55,258 --> 00:08:57,190
The place was crazy!
211
00:08:57,191 --> 00:09:00,331
Did it hurt?
Throat blood's
no big deal.
212
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,126
Dude, you were bleeding
from the throat.
213
00:09:02,127 --> 00:09:04,266
I'm a man!
Come on.
You had a little tear.
214
00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:05,405
A little tear.
A little tear.
215
00:09:05,406 --> 00:09:06,821
But that was from
laughing at the pain.
216
00:09:06,822 --> 00:09:08,616
I don't know.
217
00:09:08,617 --> 00:09:12,136
I'm sorry
we got sidetracked. So...
218
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,519
What happened
when you got lost?
219
00:09:15,658 --> 00:09:19,317
Oh, I got
a splinter in my foot.
220
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:23,666
When it got dark,
we slept on the trail.
221
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,773
Woke up,
got the splinter out
222
00:09:28,464 --> 00:09:30,052
and walked back.
223
00:09:35,057 --> 00:09:36,505
Did it hurt?
224
00:09:36,506 --> 00:09:37,610
A little.
225
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,130
Oh.
Huh.
226
00:09:41,304 --> 00:09:42,892
Okay, who's it on?
227
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:45,411
I'm all in.
228
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,241
All right.
Really?
229
00:09:48,242 --> 00:09:50,382
Yeah. I know
what I'm doing.
230
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,386
I mean, you sure
you don't want to stay
for another round?
231
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,354
Nah. I went out.
232
00:09:57,355 --> 00:10:00,564
You know, sticking around
for the next tournament
just watching...
233
00:10:00,565 --> 00:10:02,877
I gotta work tomorrow.
Is that cool?
234
00:10:02,878 --> 00:10:04,016
Yeah. I mean,
it would be cooler
235
00:10:04,017 --> 00:10:06,259
if you stayed for
another round, but...
236
00:10:06,260 --> 00:10:08,090
Thanks, but I'm done.
237
00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:13,094
No big deal.
Yeah. No, no, no. Okay.
238
00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:15,130
You sure?
Yeah.
239
00:10:15,131 --> 00:10:16,994
Go win my money
back for me.
240
00:10:16,995 --> 00:10:21,654
See, athletes give
110% to their team because
that's what everybody expects.
241
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,932
But if you give
110% to your team,
242
00:10:23,933 --> 00:10:26,073
then what's left
for everybody else?
243
00:10:33,115 --> 00:10:36,048
So he just left
and you haven't
heard from him?
244
00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:37,946
He's mad.
He's not mad.
245
00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:39,120
He hasn't called you.
246
00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:41,053
He said everything was fine.
247
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:42,710
He said, "Go in there.
Win my money back."
248
00:10:42,711 --> 00:10:44,884
He kissed me on the cheek.
I hear wedding bells.
249
00:10:44,885 --> 00:10:48,750
P.J., he might have been
Mr. Italy, and you
introduced him to the guys?
250
00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,407
What is wrong with that?
251
00:10:50,408 --> 00:10:52,961
They're a five-headed monster,
and it always goes
the same way.
252
00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,583
They chased away Hank.
253
00:10:54,584 --> 00:10:57,932
They chased away
that Tom guy,
that cute banker.
254
00:10:57,933 --> 00:11:00,693
The real estate guy
with the weird shoes.
255
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,075
The espadrilles.
Horrible things.
256
00:11:03,076 --> 00:11:06,699
They didn't chase
Evan away, okay?
You are totally overreacting.
257
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,907
He hasn't called.
258
00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:10,772
He's not mad.
You weren't there, okay?
259
00:11:10,773 --> 00:11:12,498
I can read people.
260
00:11:12,499 --> 00:11:14,327
Like right now,
you're frustrated.
261
00:11:14,328 --> 00:11:16,364
You're actually still thinking
about the espadrilles,
aren't you?
262
00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:17,641
They're not shoes for men.
263
00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:19,747
Ah-ha.
264
00:11:19,748 --> 00:11:22,404
It's gonna be Evan right now.
265
00:11:22,405 --> 00:11:24,855
Calling from
Meredith's house.
266
00:11:24,856 --> 00:11:26,823
Hey, Meredith.
267
00:11:26,824 --> 00:11:29,135
No, I haven't seen Andy.
268
00:11:29,136 --> 00:11:30,654
Wait...
269
00:11:30,655 --> 00:11:34,002
Wait, what fight?
What was the fight about?
270
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:36,040
What? Andy bought a boat?
271
00:11:36,937 --> 00:11:38,939
No, I'd be mad at him, too.
272
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:41,596
Um...
273
00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:44,841
Yeah. Yeah. No, I'll call you
as soon as I hear anything.
274
00:11:44,842 --> 00:11:47,188
Okay, bye. Oh, no.
275
00:11:47,189 --> 00:11:48,637
They had this huge fight
last night.
276
00:11:48,638 --> 00:11:50,916
Andy took off
and he's not picking up
his phone.
277
00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:53,021
What? He's not
picking up his phone?
278
00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:54,816
What are you doing?
I'm doing you.
279
00:11:54,817 --> 00:11:56,300
Nice.
280
00:11:56,301 --> 00:12:00,304
Oh, no. Oh, God.
I bet he's on that boat.
281
00:12:00,305 --> 00:12:02,203
He's on that boat
being an idiot.
282
00:12:02,204 --> 00:12:04,931
Is there any other way
to be on a boat?
283
00:12:14,216 --> 00:12:16,182
Ahoy!
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
284
00:12:16,183 --> 00:12:17,770
Don't "ahoy" me.
285
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,496
What's happening with you?
286
00:12:19,497 --> 00:12:22,706
Stayed on the boat last night
and I have a whole new
lease on life.
287
00:12:22,707 --> 00:12:23,880
Look.
288
00:12:23,881 --> 00:12:25,675
I'm learning knots.
289
00:12:27,505 --> 00:12:30,369
That's not
a double sheepshank.
290
00:12:30,370 --> 00:12:32,612
Andy, what the hell
are you doing?
291
00:12:32,613 --> 00:12:36,099
I'm re-learning
the double sheepshank,
for one.
292
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:39,343
Andy, Meredith is
worried sick... Andy!
293
00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:42,174
Meredith is
worried sick about you.
294
00:12:42,175 --> 00:12:44,452
You cannot just start
sleeping on a boat.
295
00:12:44,453 --> 00:12:46,937
I can and I did last night.
296
00:12:46,938 --> 00:12:48,421
Except around 2:00,
I got a little queasy.
297
00:12:48,422 --> 00:12:50,492
Moved over to that
Howard Johnson's on LaSalle.
298
00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:52,356
Andy, you're freaking out.
299
00:12:52,357 --> 00:12:55,083
You're way too young
for a mid-life crisis.
300
00:12:55,084 --> 00:12:57,396
Everything I used to enjoy,
301
00:12:57,397 --> 00:12:59,501
living in the city,
hanging out with friends,
302
00:12:59,502 --> 00:13:03,886
it's all been replaced
with child seats
and crabgrass and...
303
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,026
Having one kid's enough.
304
00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:09,684
Having a second kid?
305
00:13:09,685 --> 00:13:12,342
It's the final nail
in my suburban coffin.
306
00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:14,447
Hey, I'm a second kid.
307
00:13:14,448 --> 00:13:17,968
You never know.
A second kid can be a great
and unexpected source of joy.
308
00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:19,832
My life got away from me.
309
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,834
It's all laid out.
310
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,594
I don't get to
make any more choices.
311
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:26,321
You have made
amazing choices.
312
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:29,359
You chose to help people
and be a public defender.
313
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,189
You chose to marry Meredith
and have a family.
314
00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:35,814
You just described
the textbook dull,
suburban nobody.
315
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,609
Oh, come on.
Just because you have
a family that you love
316
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,888
makes you a nobody?
317
00:13:40,889 --> 00:13:43,718
Come on.
You can take your life
in any direction you want.
318
00:13:43,719 --> 00:13:46,514
You just have to
take your wife
and your kids with you.
319
00:13:46,515 --> 00:13:49,966
I already asked.
She doesn't want to
live on the boat.
320
00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:51,106
Andy.
321
00:13:52,141 --> 00:13:53,935
The point is...
322
00:13:53,936 --> 00:13:58,215
You don't have to
die in the crabgrass
in Hoffman Estates.
323
00:13:58,216 --> 00:13:59,908
Is your life over?
324
00:14:01,081 --> 00:14:02,081
Technically, no.
325
00:14:02,082 --> 00:14:05,119
Okay. So then, fix it.
326
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,260
You can still
make it right.
327
00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:11,643
Yeah, I can. And...
328
00:14:13,024 --> 00:14:14,818
This is my life and...
329
00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:16,061
Absolutely.
330
00:14:16,062 --> 00:14:19,824
I gotta hop back
in the saddle
and grab the reins.
331
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:25,416
Call Meredith.
Let her know
you're all right.
332
00:14:26,693 --> 00:14:27,867
Thanks.
333
00:14:31,077 --> 00:14:34,838
Hugs, not drugs.
Hugs, not drugs.
334
00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:39,775
Actually, I gotta go grab
my own reins and call somebody
who's not calling me.
335
00:14:41,087 --> 00:14:42,812
I'll see you later.
336
00:14:48,197 --> 00:14:50,890
Oh, Metaphor.
337
00:14:56,757 --> 00:14:59,104
Hey.
Hey.
338
00:14:59,105 --> 00:15:03,108
God, it is,
like, Africa-hot in here.
339
00:15:03,109 --> 00:15:05,938
Well, yeah,
that's kind of the idea.
340
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,215
Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.
341
00:15:07,216 --> 00:15:10,046
So, what's up?
342
00:15:10,047 --> 00:15:14,429
You know, I just...
I wanted to
apologize about...
343
00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:18,433
Sorry. About the other night.
It's just...
344
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:20,815
You know, the guys and I,
we do this
regular poker night,
345
00:15:20,816 --> 00:15:23,991
and we probably
should have just gone on,
like, a regular date-date.
346
00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:27,580
And I just wanted to say
I'm sorry for the...
347
00:15:27,581 --> 00:15:30,066
No problem.
I played such a bad hand.
348
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:32,344
And the guys are,
you know, hilarious.
349
00:15:32,345 --> 00:15:35,692
Yeah, you should see
when Kenny has a bad hand.
It's...
350
00:15:35,693 --> 00:15:41,353
I actually don't
want to talk about that.
I wanted to...
351
00:15:41,354 --> 00:15:43,700
I don't know.
352
00:15:43,701 --> 00:15:47,462
What do you think about
trying again and having
a drink or dinner this week?
353
00:15:47,463 --> 00:15:50,155
That sounds great,
but I'm swamped.
354
00:15:50,156 --> 00:15:52,743
You know,
we've got a ton going on
in the next couple of weeks.
355
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:57,541
We have
an exhibit opening and...
You know, swamped.
356
00:15:57,542 --> 00:15:59,371
Yeah. No, that's cool.
357
00:15:59,372 --> 00:16:02,684
But I'll call you
as soon as things
get back to normal.
358
00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:04,515
Yeah. Yeah,
okay. Great.
359
00:16:05,136 --> 00:16:06,895
Yeah? Okay.
360
00:16:06,896 --> 00:16:09,140
Okay, well,
I'll see you then.
361
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,808
So he said
he was swamped,
362
00:16:22,809 --> 00:16:24,361
but he'll call me
when things get
back to normal.
363
00:16:24,362 --> 00:16:26,156
Who said
he was swamped?
Evan.
364
00:16:26,157 --> 00:16:28,227
Who's Evan?
The botanist.
365
00:16:28,228 --> 00:16:30,298
Swamped?
He said he was swamped?
366
00:16:30,299 --> 00:16:31,679
Dude, that's
a total blow-off.
367
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,888
Dude, he's a botanist, okay?
He's really busy.
368
00:16:33,889 --> 00:16:36,028
He's got, you know,
plants to discover.
369
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,203
No, "swamped"
is a blow-off.
370
00:16:38,204 --> 00:16:41,137
And it's so unspecific
that it's genius.
371
00:16:41,138 --> 00:16:43,104
Actually,
it's a nautical term,
372
00:16:43,105 --> 00:16:44,864
meaning when your boat
takes on a bunch of water
from a passing boat.
373
00:16:44,865 --> 00:16:46,280
How is that relevant?
374
00:16:46,281 --> 00:16:47,626
I don't know.
375
00:16:47,627 --> 00:16:49,869
Is this our first fight?
Maybe.
376
00:16:49,870 --> 00:16:51,112
P.J., I think he's
just trying to be polite.
377
00:16:51,113 --> 00:16:52,320
I mean, "swamped"
is what you say
378
00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:53,666
when you don't
want to deal anymore,
379
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,806
but you also
don't want to hurt
the person's feelings.
380
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,050
But why would he blow me off?
I mean, we had a really
good time together.
381
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,915
If you had such a good time,
why did he go home at
9:30 on poker night?
382
00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:04,125
Well, I mean,
you guys weren't
being very nice to him.
383
00:17:04,126 --> 00:17:05,644
What?
Yeah.
384
00:17:05,645 --> 00:17:08,543
You guys always do this.
You purposely
chase guys away.
385
00:17:08,544 --> 00:17:10,373
You're a five-headed monster.
386
00:17:10,374 --> 00:17:12,237
Um, there are only
four of us here.
387
00:17:12,238 --> 00:17:14,515
Four. Four-headed monster.
388
00:17:14,516 --> 00:17:16,206
Yeah, you're not
going to pin this on us,
all right?
389
00:17:16,207 --> 00:17:18,277
It's not our fault
you brought your date
to poker night.
390
00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:20,693
Yeah, what was it?
Your third date?
391
00:17:20,694 --> 00:17:22,212
Yeah, if I'm out on
a third date with a girl,
392
00:17:22,213 --> 00:17:24,145
there's no way I'd want to
hang out with a bunch of
her guy friends.
393
00:17:24,146 --> 00:17:27,045
Okay, to his credit,
he did stick around
394
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,978
and he was a lot
better about it
than I would have been.
395
00:17:29,979 --> 00:17:31,808
So now you like him?
We never said we didn't.
396
00:17:31,809 --> 00:17:33,810
The question is,
do you like him?
397
00:17:33,811 --> 00:17:35,260
Yeah, I do.
398
00:17:35,261 --> 00:17:36,157
Then why'd you bring him
to poker night?
399
00:17:36,158 --> 00:17:37,331
That's what I was saying.
400
00:17:37,332 --> 00:17:38,884
Whose side are you on?
401
00:17:38,885 --> 00:17:40,541
I don't know.
I keep switching.
402
00:17:40,542 --> 00:17:42,888
P.J., this is
a pretty tough situation
for a guy to walk into.
403
00:17:42,889 --> 00:17:44,338
You gotta realize that.
404
00:17:44,339 --> 00:17:45,856
Yeah, I guess.
405
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,169
So on some level,
you're either
trying to test the guy
406
00:17:48,170 --> 00:17:49,619
or you're trying
to push him away.
407
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:52,518
Really, Dr. Brendo?
Is that what I'm doing?
408
00:17:52,519 --> 00:17:54,865
Look. All I'm saying
is that it's okay.
409
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,453
You know? I mean,
to a certain degree,
410
00:17:56,454 --> 00:17:58,766
we all have
a fear of commitment.
411
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:01,044
I'm afraid of commitment?
412
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:03,702
P.J., come on.
I mean, look at yourself!
413
00:18:03,703 --> 00:18:06,774
You are smart,
attractive, funny.
414
00:18:06,775 --> 00:18:08,638
Why else
would you be single?
415
00:18:08,639 --> 00:18:12,020
Because every night
is deer season.
And there ain't no limit!
416
00:18:12,021 --> 00:18:15,403
Ew. No, I'm not like you.
I'm not like him.
417
00:18:15,404 --> 00:18:18,924
It's all cool, dude.
We can grow old alone, together.
418
00:18:18,925 --> 00:18:21,168
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna cry.
419
00:18:21,169 --> 00:18:22,272
Hey.
Hey.
420
00:18:22,273 --> 00:18:23,515
There he is again.
421
00:18:23,516 --> 00:18:26,000
And he's got
the same look
on his face.
422
00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:27,760
Uh-oh. Is it possible he
bought another boat?
423
00:18:27,761 --> 00:18:30,038
Just the opposite.
I sold the boat.
424
00:18:30,039 --> 00:18:31,523
What?
Are you kidding?
425
00:18:31,524 --> 00:18:33,111
Did you even go
anywhere on it?
426
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,974
You told us
we were going to
sail to Cheboygan.
427
00:18:34,975 --> 00:18:36,873
Promises were made.
Sorry, Mike.
428
00:18:36,874 --> 00:18:39,738
Sadly, my marriage
is more important
than Cheboygan.
429
00:18:39,739 --> 00:18:42,982
And speaking of marriages,
Meredith and I are
moving back to the city.
430
00:18:42,983 --> 00:18:44,052
Hey!
No way.
431
00:18:44,053 --> 00:18:45,364
What?
Really?
432
00:18:45,365 --> 00:18:46,641
That's great, buddy.
Welcome back.
433
00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:47,780
Promises were made.
434
00:18:47,781 --> 00:18:50,507
Wait a second.
When? How?
435
00:18:50,508 --> 00:18:53,510
Meredith and I talked,
and it turns out
she hates the suburbs, too.
436
00:18:53,511 --> 00:18:56,064
And here's the kicker.
She wants me to be happy.
437
00:18:56,065 --> 00:18:58,826
I'm like, "Since when?"
She's like, "Since always."
438
00:18:58,827 --> 00:19:01,311
Blew my mind.
That's fantastic, Andy.
439
00:19:01,312 --> 00:19:04,694
The problem was how could
we afford private school
and a big yard in the city?
440
00:19:04,695 --> 00:19:07,110
So, I got a new job.
441
00:19:07,111 --> 00:19:09,354
Wait. You quit
the public defender's office?
442
00:19:09,355 --> 00:19:11,597
An old college buddy of mine
had been bugging me for years
443
00:19:11,598 --> 00:19:13,599
to join his huge
corporate law firm,
444
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,532
so I finally
took him up on it.
445
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,258
He said it looks classy
to have a do-gooder
446
00:19:17,259 --> 00:19:19,191
in with the horrible pack
of thieving snakes.
447
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,813
Hey, don't sell
yourself short, man.
448
00:19:20,814 --> 00:19:23,022
You could be
a terrific thieving snake.
449
00:19:23,023 --> 00:19:26,440
Thank you!
Wow, man. Corporate law?
That's crazy.
450
00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:32,998
Someone gave me
a little advice that put
everything in perspective.
451
00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:35,207
Well...
She said,
452
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,623
"Andy, sometimes you have to
put your high ideals aside
453
00:19:37,624 --> 00:19:39,729
"and just sell out
like everyone else."
454
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:42,214
That is not what I said.
It isn't?
455
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,905
No.
My bad.
456
00:19:43,906 --> 00:19:45,562
A toast.
Yes!
457
00:19:45,563 --> 00:19:49,325
Yes.
To Andy returning
to civilization.
458
00:19:49,326 --> 00:19:52,949
Hey, guys, check it out.
Kevin Huff isn't
playing today. Concussion.
459
00:19:52,950 --> 00:19:56,021
What a wussy.
He was wearing a helmet.
460
00:19:56,022 --> 00:19:58,265
Dude, you get hit with
a 90-mile-an-hour fastball,
461
00:19:58,266 --> 00:19:59,783
you would cry
like a little girl.
462
00:19:59,784 --> 00:20:01,785
Baby girl baby...
463
00:20:01,786 --> 00:20:02,960
Girl.
464
00:20:03,892 --> 00:20:05,479
I could take it.
465
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,136
Absolutely no way.
466
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:09,242
Absolutely.
467
00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:14,039
Okay, give me a 45.
468
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,799
You're an idiot.
469
00:20:18,907 --> 00:20:21,944
I'm good!
Okay, come on.
Let me try. Let me try.
470
00:20:25,672 --> 00:20:29,193
All right. All right.
Come on. Give me a 50.
I can take it.
471
00:20:34,302 --> 00:20:37,960
Okay, 60, please.
I'd like a 60.
472
00:20:41,170 --> 00:20:44,243
Damn it! Sixty-five!
473
00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:50,351
I'm fine. I'm fine.
474
00:20:50,352 --> 00:20:51,904
Okay. What do you guys think?
475
00:20:51,905 --> 00:20:53,355
Should I start...
476
00:20:58,981 --> 00:21:03,433
Maybe they say 110%
because life isn't
about perfect math.
477
00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:05,193
The effort you put
into different parts
of your life
478
00:21:05,194 --> 00:21:07,886
doesn't actually
add up to 100%.
479
00:21:07,887 --> 00:21:13,271
It fluctuates as you
focus on different parts,
as you strike a balance.
480
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,998
Which is why
I'm now going to
try and give 453%.
481
00:21:16,999 --> 00:21:20,209
Give me an 85,
and I'm gonna take it
in the head.
482
00:21:27,631 --> 00:21:29,148
Mike? You okay?
483
00:21:29,149 --> 00:21:30,667
What day is it?
484
00:21:30,668 --> 00:21:34,016
Today?
Why, 'tis Christmas day.
37113
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof