All language subtitles for My.Boys.S01E20.The.Estates.of.Hoffman.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

The thing that
separates the few guys

who make it in
the big leagues

from the thousands who try

is their ability to handle
a major-league curveball.

Greetings,
city dwellers.

Hey, look, everybody.
Andy's smiling.

Let me guess.
You won a big case

and kept
an innocent man out of prison.

No, no, no, no.
Traffic.

I bet there
was no traffic.

Wrong and wronger.

My client got 20 years,

and a milk truck crashed
into a construction zone.

All right.
Then, what's going on?

'Cause you're
freaking me out.

Nothing.

You know,
despite all my complaining,

the suburbs are
actually growing on me.

What?
People are friendly.

The streets are clean.

You know what?
Don't take my word for it.

Come see for
yourself this Saturday.

Meredith and I
are having a little
housewarming/barbecue.

I'm in.
And you know why?

Because suburban
chicks love city guys.

And why is that, exactly?

Because we're tough.
We're dangerous.

Hey, can we light this?

It smells like a pumpkin.

Hey, you guys all coming?
Hell, yeah.

Yeah, I'm in.
Absolutely.

I would love to,
but I have to go to Atlanta

and do some
player interviews.

That's all right.
It's too bad, though.

You're gonna miss out
on meeting Frank and Eileen.

Oh, man, are you serious?

Why'd you invite them?

Who are Frank and Eileen?

Our parents.

Come on. Frank and
Eileen are the best.

I love it when Frank downs
a couple bottles of wine,

and sits in his lawn chair,
and just stares
out at the yard.

He's like a wrinkly,
drunk Buddha.

Yeah. They are great.

It's just my mom
can be relentless
about my love life.

Yeah, and when you try
and tell her

how you really
feel about something,

she always hits you with...

"Oh, you don't mean that."

How does she
know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah,
Eileen can be tough.

From the first time I met her
at parents weekend,

the only three
words she's ever said
to me were, "Get a haircut."

Oh, come on.
Those aren't the only words
she's ever said to you.

No, no.
You're right, actually,

at their 40th
wedding anniversary,

when you had Kenny pretend
to be your boyfriend,

she did ask me
why you were
dating a gay guy.

She did not.

She said she'd never
seen a straight guy
dance like that before.

You mean, that well.

Dude,
what was with the gunplay?

That's why I don't
like to dance in public.

That was hilarious.
Yeah.

Lassoing Brendan.

"Come here, Brendan."

Kenny, how about giving us
the benefit of the doubt

on the childproof windows?

I'm melting back here.

Sorry.

What, are you kidding?

That's as far
down as they go.

Hey, look,
it's not my fault Stephanie
can't be on time.

Yeah, and why does she
get shotgun, anyway?

'Cause she called it.
When?

She texted me this
morning at 9:14 am.

You can't text shotgun.

Then why'd you
text me at 9:18?

Fine. Then I'm
calling shotgun right now
for the way home.

You can't call
return shotgun

until your vehicle is parked
at the destination.

Everybody knows that, Mike.
Yeah.

Just, dude,
put on the AC, will you?

I'm pitting out my shirt.

Is that new?

No. I've had this forever.

Oh, my God!

You bought a shirt
that said "Chicago" on it,

so the suburb girls will know
you're from the city,
didn't you?

That is so...

Genius.
Brilliant.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry.

I was searching for something
for us to listen to
on the ride out.

Is that what you're wearing?

Yeah. It's a barbecue.

Yes, but it may
also be where you meet
your date to Italy.

That's what you said
when we went to IKEA.

Well, you never know
where it could happen.

Oh, by the way, I need that
little wrenchy thing back.

My coffee table's all wobbly.

Hey, it's Bobby.

Hey. How's Hotlanta?

Dude, don't say "Hotlanta."

Sorry.

So, listen. I caught
an early flight back,

and I was thinking of
heading out to Andy's
for the barbecue,

but all I have
is his address.

Can you hook me up
with some directions?

From Midway Airport?
Hang on.

Hey, does anybody
know how to get

to Hoffman Estates
from Midway Airport?

No. Dude,
he should just fly to O'Hare.

Yeah, it's like a $25
cab ride from there.

Yeah, I only have
the directions Andy gave me,

and they start
from my apartment.

Here's what you do.

Go from the airport
to P.J.'s apartment.

Wait, wait. What?

I'm not going to
drive all the way

into the city just
to head back out.

You have to.
It's the only
way we know.

Okay, you know what?
I'll figure it out.

I'll see you there.

He'll meet us there.

Going it alone, huh?

Suburb to suburb,
that's madness.

You guys,
he's a grown man.

I'm sure he's got a map.

Okay, so there's Wrigley,
and there's my house.

Huh.

I live a lot closer to
the river than I thought.

Shotgun picks the music, right?

Don't rub it in.

What the...

Language tapes?
No way. Not in my car.

Driver overrules shotgun.

Thank you.

Fine.

Did I tell you
about Lance?

He did the cutest
thing last night.

He took my checkbook,
and turned every zero
into little hearts.

Isn't that adorable?

Oh, and did I tell you
about Lance's dad?

Also named Lance,
but he's not a "Jr."
Different middle names.

So, anyway...
Kenny, please.

Fine. Listen
to your damn CDs.

Weaklings.

I'm such a sucker.

Like anyone can learn Italian
from some stupid CDs.

I don't know.

So, this is suburban
living, huh?

Pass!

This place seems
really familiar.

That's 'cause we
just drove by 50 places
that look just like it.

Hey!
Hey!

Hi.
This is a great house.

Welcome to
the Estates of Hoffman.

Great house.
This place is beautiful.

We're so glad you came.

God! Are you kidding me?
We've been dying
to see this place.

Where's Savannah?

At the Pongettis.
That's one great
thing about the suburbs.

Your kids meet
one kid with a pool,
they never bother you again.

Andy.

Who needs?
I'm ready. Yeah.

Always.
Shotgun.

I can't believe
she just did that.

Thanks.

Hey.
Hi, guys.

Guys, I got bad news.

I think we're at
a couples party.

This is worse
than a couples party.

This is a family party.

Well,
they're about to be sorry

they invited
drunk Uncle Mike.

What the hell is that noise?
It's driving me crazy.

Those are the cicadas.

The who?
The cicadas.
They're insects.

They're kind of special, actually.

They spend most of
their lives underground,

and then every 17 years,
they come up out of
the ground to mate.

Hey. That's just
like you, Kenny.
Dude.

I'm Rachel.

Hey, I'm Brendan.
Hey.

And this is...
Uh... Uh...

Kenny and Mike.

We're from the city.
Yeah.
I guessed that by your shirt.

Yeah.

Well, it was nice
meeting you guys.

Yeah.
You, too.
Really nice to meet you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow!

Andy.

Who's your hot neighbor?

That's Rachel.
She lives in the cul-de-sac
by the soccer fields.

She jogs every
Wednesday morning at 8:00.

No ring on her finger.
Divorced.

She must be so bored
out here in the suburbs.

Desperate, all alone.

Looking for a little danger
to break up the monotony.

Dude, you're
not dangerous.

She's not alone.
Mommy.

Hey, sweetie.

I like kids.
I'm good with kids.

Kids are great.
They're fine by me.

The curveball is tricky,
because it looks
like one thing,

but turns out to be another.

None for you?

Well, maybe later.

I'm just gonna hide this
before your dad gets here,

or that's the last glass
you'll get all night.

Honey,
you know what else is great
about the suburbs?

What's that?
I can finally
break out my Jarts.

Oh, my God.
Are those our
Jarts from growing up?

No. I found them in the garage
when we were moving in.

How weird is that?

Andy, no Jarts.

There are children out there,
and I think those
things are illegal.

Yeah, but that's
what makes them so fun.

Andy, I said no.

P.J., can you hand
me the shrink-wrap?

It's in the, um...

Yeah, I got it.

Wait a second.
How did I know that?

Knives and forks.

Yes.

Dish towels.

Okay, wait.

Oh! Oh!

Miscellaneous,
pens, scissors,
maybe a deck of cards.

Pens,
scissors, deck of cards.

What's it take for a parent
to get a hello around here?

- Hey, Ma.
- Frank.

We love this house.

Hey, honeybun.

It could use a coat of paint,
but it's just darling.

Oh, my God.
I just realized it.

No wonder why I know
where everything is.

This house is exactly
like Mom and Dad's.

What?
No, look at it.

Oh, my God.

It is identical
to theirs.

That is so weird.

Oh, my God. She's right.

It can't be.
That's impossible.

Nope.

It's the same.

What's this junk?

But I always
hated that house.

Oh, you don't mean that.

Same house?
Same layout and everything?

Uh-huh.

What are the odds?

In this neighborhood?
Pretty good.

So now you and
Meredith will be
having sex

in the same room
as your parents did.

Not anymore, we won't.

Look at him. I'm
relaxed just watching him.

What's he looking for?

Nobody knows.

It's Bobby. Hey.
Where are you?

Hey, I think I'm close.

Did you guys
pass an office park?

Yeah.
Did it have a Chili's
and a 24 Hour Fitness?

Yeah. Yeah.
A big DeVry Institute sign?

No. University of Phoenix.

Damn it. I'll call you later.

Come on inside!

Hey, a little help?

Andy!

You know,
some of these people
are younger than us

and on their second kid.

I know. Scary.

Well, it kind of
makes you wonder,

maybe we're doing
something wrong.

Stop wondering.
You are.

Boy, you kids today
and your waiting around
for the perfect man.

My days, you found
a guy you could stand,
and you kept him.

Frank!

Don't use all
the kids' sunscreen.

You know, Mom,
that was a different time.

I would like to wait
for the right person.

Oh, you don't mean that.

Well, I'm just glad
that I found Lance.

Who's Lance?
This is Lance.

Oh, and get this.
He's my debt counselor.

Can you believe that?

Oh, that's wonderful.
I know.

P.J., why don't you
go out with Lance?

Guys, this is Evan.

He's another one
of you city folk

who's been dragged out here
to the boring old suburbs.

And I thought maybe he'd feel
a little more comfortable

around some of
his own people.

That's very nice of you,
Meredith, but...

Savannah! Honey,
those are big-people drinks.

Excuse me a sec. Andy!

So, Evan, are you single?

Mom.
Um...

I don't know.
Are you looking?

That is...

I like this one.

God. Please ignore them.

They're fine.

No, they're not.
They're 12.

Hey,
you think it'd be all right

if I went out and
grabbed a smoke?

Yeah. I don't see why not.

P.J., he's cute.

Care to join me?
I'd love to.

I just talked to Bobby.
Sorry.

He's still lost.

What are you
talking about?

I just saw him scarfing down
a plate of potato salad
right over there.

Wow.

That's crazy. That guy
looks just like Bobby.

Dude, he could
be his doppelganger.

He's a Bobbelganger.

Oh, no!

The villagers are
chasing the princess!

Oh, hey, Bobby.
Glad you made it.

The old "play with the kid
to get to the mom" trick.

Brilliant.
Genius.

Better luck
next time, ladies.

Looks like
they're having fun.

Who? Yeah.
Yeah, Mike.

You know,
he's been really great
with kids lately.

I mean,
thank God for AA, right?

Princess Carly
coming through.

She is so much fun.

Hey, who wants to go
on the wagon with me?

So, Brendan,
what do you do for fun?

Me? I'm kind of
a homebody,
you know.

I like to just...
Nice, quiet...

You? Come on.

You and Colleen
are out every night
doing something fun.

Have some melon.
It's delicious.

Great.

So you finally
got that haircut.

Yeah. Yeah, I did.
What do you think?

Looked better long.

Oh, and watch out
for this guy.

He'll dance
your socks off.

She's a character.

Yeah. She's really
with it for an older lady.

Yeah. Kenny slept
with her sister.

Two times.

All right,
well, I actually have
this confession to make.

I don't really smoke.

Can you keep a secret?
Neither do I.

I just keep this pack with me
to get out of
awkward situations.

Get out of here.
No, I'm serious.

Whenever a conversation turns
uncomfortable or awkward,

I start packing
them in my palm,
and voila, I'm free.

Went through two packs
at Thanksgiving.

That's great.

Man, those bugs are so loud.

How many you think it takes
to cause that much racket?

Hundreds of thousands.

You see,
when they all come out
at once like this,

they're actually protecting
the brood from predators.

You work at a zoo?

No. I'm just a nerd.

I'm kidding.
Well, you be the judge.

I'm a botanist.
Nerd.

Yeah.
No, I'm kidding.

Wow.

So is that how
you know so much
about the cicadas?

Yeah. And it's been
all over the news.

Where have you been?

You know,
they're pretty ingenious.

What's that,
botanists or cicadas?

Both, but the cicadas
get more girls.

No, you see,
when they all come out
at once like this,

each individual can sort of
get lost in the crowd.

But if, say,
one single cicada decided

that she was
gonna go it alone,

come out all by herself,

she'd be surrounded
by bloodthirsty predators.

Boy, playing with kids
can really make you thirsty.

Bobby.

Where are you?
I'm at the house.
No one's here.

It's 11600.

I am at 11600
Willowbrook Lane.

Willowbrook Drive.

What do you mean,
Willowbrook Drive?

There's a Willowbrook Drive?
Yes.

What kind of
crazy-ass place is this?
Hurry up.

All right. I'll see you.

Idiot.

Dumb-ass.

Hey, P.J.'s mom wants
to see everyone outside.

All right.
Come on, honey.

Tell them. Tell them.

Well, I really wasn't
planning on doing this.

But since Eileen kind of put
two and two together...

Who knew my
turning down a drink

would be enough
to raise suspicion?

But since everyone
who I'd want to tell
seems to already be here,

and Eileen is Eileen...

Quit stalling! Okay?

Meredith is pregnant.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

What?
Honey, I am so sorry.

I really wasn't planning
on doing it this way, but...

You know how
your mother can be.

We're having a baby!

We're having a baby?

I gotta go call my folks
before your mom does.

Yeah, you do. Go, go, go.

I love you.
I love you.

Life is a lot like
a crafty pitcher.

If you can't hit a curveball,
that's all he'll throw you.

Congratulations, Son.

Thanks.

You know, your sister,
she was a surprise.

Look how much joy
she's brought us.

Thanks, Dad.

Congratulations.
I think I'm gonna throw up.

You were trying to
warn me, weren't you?

Is that what all
the buzzing was about?

Hey.

Oh, yeah.

I gotta run, but I
just wanted to say it was

really great not
smoking with you.

Yeah. You, too.

You need a ride
back to civilization?

I don't wanna brag,
but I borrowed a car.

That is impressive.

Um...

You know,
I should stick around

and make sure
everything's okay.

What do you mean,
I don't listen? I listen.

Get out of my yard.

Yeah, you're probably
gonna need these
more than me.

Okay.
Thanks.

Lance, I'm telling you,
this is better than
when we saw those monkeys

doing it on
the Discovery Channel.

That is the funniest
thing I've ever heard.

I know. So funny.
This is true.

Guys, it was really wonderful
meeting all of you,

but Carly's exhausted, so...

I hope I didn't
tire her out.

You really should
call your sponsor.
My what?

You know,
if she's really
that tired,

maybe I should give
you guys a ride home.

We just live a block away.

I don't mind.
I like driving.

Well, I'm glad
one of us does.

There he is.
Finally.

Bobby, this is Rachel.
Rachel, this is our
buddy Bobby.

So you're Bobby.
Hi.

Hi.

Um, Meredith's told
me a lot about you.

She has?

Lance, baby, the hunted
just became the hunter.

Carly,
honey, why don't you go
play with Savannah?

Actually,
Savannah went to bed.

Go wake her up.

I think there might
still be a couple of beers
in the cooler out back.

That sounds great.

Bobby got the vouch.

The Meredith vouch.

Game over, fellas.

So, you're gonna
be a dad again.

That's exciting, huh?

Yeah.

You know,
after all these years,

I know what it is
Dad is looking for.

What?

An escape route.
Oh, come on.

What happened to
you actually starting
to enjoy the suburbs?

I was drunk on
grass clippings
and public-school ratings.

I'm trapped, P.J.
What can I do?

Well,
let's not get carried away.

I bought the exact
same house as him.

That's not something
that just happens.

That's a sign.

I'm turning into Dad,
and there's nothing
I can do about it.

Don't be ridiculous.

You determine
your own destiny.

And even if you
wanted to turn into Dad,

you'd never be able
to find that many pairs
of yellow pants.

I bought
the same house as him.

I act like him.

Now I'm gonna have
an accidental
second child like him.

Hey.
No, that's it.

I'm done fighting it.

The fact is, it's inevitable.

We all end up
like our parents.

You don't mean that.

Oh, God.

I gotta lie down.

Rather be Dad than Mom.

Man, I can't believe
she was so into you

and you still haven't
gone out with hot Mom.

I'm trying, I am.
But do you have any
idea how hard it is

to coordinate around
a six-year-old's schedule?

I mean,
art classes, gymnastics.

And since when
are dance classes
five days a week?

Depends on which
classes you take.

I don't take dance classes.

So are we gonna deal
Andy in here or what?

No, I guess not.

You guys,
I'm kinda worried about him.

I think that barbecue
really shook him up.

You know what I was
thinking about last night
when I was going to bed?

Did you know your dad's name
is Frank Franklin?

No. I had no idea.

God, I wish my name
were Mike Michaels.

We all do.

Hey, Peej, look, don't worry
about Andy, okay?
I'm sure he's fine.

He's gonna call
any second and say

that he's stuck in
traffic or something.

Yeah. Then he's
gonna come in the door.

He's gonna have leftovers
from the barbecue.

He'll drink
a big glass of scotch

and start talking
about how excited
he is to have another kid.

Right there.
See? There's Andy now.

Bet he wishes his
last name was Anderson.

Hello.
P.J.?

It's Evan,
from your brother's barbecue.

Hey. How you doing?

Good.
Hey, I hope you don't mind.

I got your
number from Meredith.

No, no. Not at all.

Um, what's up?

Well,
the thing is I really need
those cigarettes back.

I just found out
I have to go to my father's
retirement party

this weekend, and...

Oh, God. How could
you get through that
without not smoking?

Exactly. So I was
wondering if you wanted
to not get a drink with me.

Would I not give
your cigarettes back?

No, no, no.
You would give them back.

Wait. What?
Can we stop being clever?

Please.
All right. Great.

Why don't I
call you tomorrow,
and we'll set something up?

Um... Okay, yeah.
That sounds great.

I will talk to you then.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

But sometimes,
getting a curveball is good.

Because if you
connect with one,

it can mean
a whole new ballgame.