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1
00:00:04,487 --> 00:00:07,351
Hey,
my neighbors Jenny and Brett
barbecued a tri-tip.
2
00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:09,146
There's some extra
in the fridge.
3
00:00:09,147 --> 00:00:11,769
Free meat.
Hoffman Estates rules.
4
00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,495
It's actually kind
of growing on me.
5
00:00:13,496 --> 00:00:16,084
Seriously?
Yeah. People are
super friendly.
6
00:00:16,085 --> 00:00:20,605
My catty-corner neighbor,
Fitzy, mowed my lawn
just 'cause.
7
00:00:20,606 --> 00:00:22,366
Now, is it catty-corner,
or is it kitty-corner?
8
00:00:22,367 --> 00:00:23,781
Catty-corner.
Catty-corner.
9
00:00:25,335 --> 00:00:27,129
Boop!
Ew.
10
00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:29,752
I should do something nice
for Fitzy in return.
11
00:00:29,753 --> 00:00:31,616
What's the protocol?
12
00:00:31,617 --> 00:00:33,480
I don't know.
You could reseal
his driveway for him.
13
00:00:33,481 --> 00:00:35,034
That's
a suburbs thing, right?
14
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,346
Yeah, but where does it end?
He paints my house.
15
00:00:37,347 --> 00:00:39,486
I put a pool
in his backyard.
16
00:00:39,487 --> 00:00:41,868
Next thing you know,
we're raising a barn,
like an Amish community.
17
00:00:41,869 --> 00:00:43,870
Oh, my God.
I just got an e-mail.
18
00:00:43,871 --> 00:00:46,424
Lyssa is coming
in from New York
for the weekend.
19
00:00:46,425 --> 00:00:50,359
She's my old
buddy from college,
the editor of my newspaper.
20
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,086
She gave me
my first column.
21
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,156
She's hot and single.
22
00:00:55,469 --> 00:00:57,677
Every player starts
out as a humble rookie.
23
00:00:57,678 --> 00:00:59,334
Along the way,
the challenge is
24
00:00:59,335 --> 00:01:01,267
how do you stay that way
throughout your career?
25
00:01:01,268 --> 00:01:04,960
What up, Chicago's
37th-sexiest bachelor?
26
00:01:04,961 --> 00:01:07,031
Brendo, be later.
Where have you been?
27
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:08,550
Hey, I'm sorry, man.
28
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:11,208
Hams here had a huge craving
for Belgian waffs.
29
00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:12,899
I'm a little dry here.
Got any juice?
30
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,003
Right there.
31
00:01:14,004 --> 00:01:15,972
Oh, Hams, this is them.
32
00:01:17,042 --> 00:01:18,630
Yeah. I understand.
33
00:01:20,321 --> 00:01:21,908
Brendo, we dealt you in.
34
00:01:21,909 --> 00:01:23,806
Oh, dudes, no.
I'm not staying.
35
00:01:23,807 --> 00:01:26,257
I just came by to
grab a little show-show
before we head out.
36
00:01:26,258 --> 00:01:28,363
Head out? It's 11:30.
37
00:01:28,364 --> 00:01:31,642
Don't your
clothes have to get up
for school tomorrow?
38
00:01:31,643 --> 00:01:34,265
Whatevs, man.
Noah's Ark doesn't
even open till midnight.
39
00:01:34,266 --> 00:01:36,578
Skin it.
Nice.
40
00:01:36,579 --> 00:01:39,926
That's what you two look like
when you high-five.
41
00:01:39,927 --> 00:01:42,929
Dude, you're already in.
Just play the hand.
42
00:01:42,930 --> 00:01:44,587
All right, fine.
43
00:01:46,485 --> 00:01:48,107
Let's see.
What do we got?
44
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,764
All right,
I'm all in.
45
00:01:50,869 --> 00:01:52,318
What? I got a hand.
46
00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:53,767
All right, I fold.
47
00:01:53,768 --> 00:01:54,906
I gotta call.
48
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,218
I'm out.
49
00:01:56,219 --> 00:01:59,221
No, I'm... It's just
some lame apartment.
50
00:01:59,222 --> 00:02:04,020
One girl. No, not really.
She's like a 6, 6.5.
51
00:02:05,297 --> 00:02:07,747
No. That's impossible!
Are you kidding me?
52
00:02:07,748 --> 00:02:08,851
That's a bad beat.
53
00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:10,577
Hey, you wanted me
to play, so I did.
54
00:02:10,578 --> 00:02:12,201
Sorry, baby.
55
00:02:15,307 --> 00:02:17,239
Wow.
Hey, sweets?
56
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,415
I'm gonna need to
get online ASAP.
57
00:02:41,747 --> 00:02:43,472
Hey, partner,
did I tell you?
58
00:02:43,473 --> 00:02:44,749
I ordered something
for the store
59
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,234
that I think
you're going to dig.
60
00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:48,891
You ordered something
without asking me?
61
00:02:48,892 --> 00:02:51,411
No. I ordered something great
without asking you.
62
00:02:51,412 --> 00:02:53,137
What is it?
I can't tell you.
63
00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:57,003
Otherwise,
I'd be a surprise ruiner,
like Robert.
64
00:02:57,004 --> 00:02:59,419
I am sorry.
I thought you knew
65
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:02,422
that James Bond gets caught
and told the evil secret.
66
00:03:02,423 --> 00:03:05,288
He's in handcuffs
on the poster.
67
00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:07,116
What up?
68
00:03:07,117 --> 00:03:08,497
Hey, dude.
69
00:03:08,498 --> 00:03:10,672
What up, hairdo?
You sick or something?
70
00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:12,363
Oh, no, man.
This is my new drink.
71
00:03:12,364 --> 00:03:13,916
Emergen-C's and vodka.
72
00:03:13,917 --> 00:03:15,677
Ew.
73
00:03:15,678 --> 00:03:18,680
Okay, so I'm thinking
I'm gonna take Lyssa
off to Evanston, right,
74
00:03:18,681 --> 00:03:20,854
'cause we're gonna go
to Miller's bookstore
like we used to
75
00:03:20,855 --> 00:03:23,961
and pick out books
and have coffee and...
76
00:03:23,962 --> 00:03:26,619
You know, it's just gonna be
just like old times.
77
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:27,965
You think she'll like it?
I don't know.
78
00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:29,380
I never really knew her.
79
00:03:29,381 --> 00:03:31,658
I mean, I think
she and I once
shared a bagel.
80
00:03:31,659 --> 00:03:33,660
But I'm sorry I
won't be seeing her.
81
00:03:33,661 --> 00:03:35,593
No? Why not?
82
00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,906
Remember?
I'm going to Lake Geneva
tomorrow with Lance.
83
00:03:37,907 --> 00:03:40,115
I'm having a top-secret
practice vacation night
84
00:03:40,116 --> 00:03:41,944
to see if he's
really Italy material.
85
00:03:41,945 --> 00:03:43,636
So, wait. If it goes well,
you're gonna ask him?
86
00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:47,053
No. If it goes well,
I'm gonna ask him
to Saugatuck for a weekend,
87
00:03:47,054 --> 00:03:48,606
and if that goes well...
88
00:03:48,607 --> 00:03:51,057
Okay, okay.
I get it. I get it.
89
00:03:51,058 --> 00:03:52,161
Hey.
90
00:03:52,162 --> 00:03:54,094
Ooh. I gots to go.
91
00:03:54,095 --> 00:03:56,131
Hams is hooking me up
with a booth at the Brimstone.
92
00:03:56,132 --> 00:03:57,857
Wait.
We already got tickets
93
00:03:57,858 --> 00:03:59,514
to the midnight show of
The Simpsons Movie.
94
00:03:59,515 --> 00:04:02,345
Yes, and I will definitely,
definitely be there.
95
00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:06,245
Oh, guys, do me a solid
and cover my C's and vods.
96
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,145
Only got enough
cash for a tax. Peace.
97
00:04:10,146 --> 00:04:12,699
Okay, does anybody
know that douchebag
who just left?
98
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:14,494
Not me.
I don't hang with douches.
99
00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:15,806
What's wrong with him?
100
00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,566
Ever since you gave him
that "sexiest
bachelor" thing,
101
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:20,189
he's been
shortening his words.
"Waffs" and "vods."
102
00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:22,295
Yeah. It's annoy.
103
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:26,610
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
I got Fitzy'd.
104
00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:28,853
Tried to leave,
he stopped me,
and we started talking.
105
00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:30,372
Next thing I know,
I'm helping him
106
00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:31,994
put a kegerator
in his garage.
107
00:04:31,995 --> 00:04:33,064
What's that smell?
108
00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:36,033
Mrs. Fitzy made
zucchini bread,
109
00:04:36,034 --> 00:04:39,933
zucchini muffins,
and something
called zucchini spread,
110
00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:43,317
which is on the toll road,
'cause it smelled
like a hot pond.
111
00:04:49,185 --> 00:04:51,393
Some players
get to the majors
and struggle,
112
00:04:51,394 --> 00:04:52,670
and others hit
the ground running
113
00:04:52,671 --> 00:04:54,501
and become
all-stars right away.
114
00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:56,467
P.J.?
115
00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:59,298
Hi! Hi!
116
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,334
Oh, it's so good
to see you.
117
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,371
So good. Look at you.
You look amazing.
118
00:05:03,372 --> 00:05:05,373
You look so fancy.
119
00:05:05,374 --> 00:05:06,822
Oh, stop.
120
00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:09,066
Oh, okay, P.J., P.J.,
you have to meet my friends.
121
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:11,517
This is Tina,
Debbie, and Veronica.
122
00:05:11,518 --> 00:05:12,863
Hi.
Oh, hi.
123
00:05:12,864 --> 00:05:14,658
I'm so happy
you could join us.
124
00:05:14,659 --> 00:05:16,418
Oh, I...
Yeah, me, too.
125
00:05:16,419 --> 00:05:18,317
I didn't know you
were bringing friends.
126
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,974
So, P.J., Lyssa tells us
that you write for sports.
127
00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:24,392
She covers the Cubs,
and she's brilliant.
Wow.
128
00:05:24,393 --> 00:05:27,222
So come on. Tell us.
Tell you what?
129
00:05:27,223 --> 00:05:30,398
You know,
which Cub swings
the biggest bat.
130
00:05:32,711 --> 00:05:34,091
Oh, can we please go eat?
131
00:05:34,092 --> 00:05:35,403
I am literally
starving to death.
132
00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:37,336
Oh, honey.
Is there anywhere
to eat in Chicago?
133
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:41,063
Oh, I just had such
a craving for that Cuban
place on Ninth Avenue.
134
00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:44,757
You would love this place.
135
00:05:44,758 --> 00:05:46,517
Small, great sangria...
136
00:05:47,795 --> 00:05:49,658
Hottie-hot waiters.
Am I right?
137
00:05:49,659 --> 00:05:51,211
Yeah. I mean,
it sounds great.
138
00:05:51,212 --> 00:05:53,559
It's New York.
Of course it's great.
139
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,492
Oh, they have
the best meatballs.
140
00:05:55,493 --> 00:05:57,217
She already
mentioned the waiters.
141
00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,600
Hurry.
142
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:03,259
I just can't
believe I'm seeing you.
143
00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:22,450
Very exciting,
partner!
144
00:06:22,451 --> 00:06:25,625
My order has arrived.
Are you ready?
145
00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:31,459
♪ And the home
of the brave ♪
146
00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:33,288
Did you steal some
little girl's swimsuit?
147
00:06:33,289 --> 00:06:34,703
It's Mary Lou Retton's.
148
00:06:34,704 --> 00:06:36,015
Mary Lou Retton?
149
00:06:36,016 --> 00:06:37,085
That's not going
in my store, man.
150
00:06:37,086 --> 00:06:38,569
Man, she was tiny.
151
00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:41,089
I sell sports memorabilia.
Sports.
152
00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:42,573
Gymnastics is a sport.
153
00:06:42,574 --> 00:06:44,748
No, it's not.
Can you play defense?
154
00:06:44,749 --> 00:06:46,543
No, but you keep score,
and the most points wins.
155
00:06:46,544 --> 00:06:48,407
So Family Feud is a sport?
156
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,857
Has it been washed?
157
00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:54,067
Hey. What up, kids?
Check this out.
158
00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:56,276
I went to Billy Corgan's
birthday party last night.
159
00:06:56,277 --> 00:06:57,761
It was epic.
160
00:06:57,762 --> 00:06:59,935
Brendan, you totally
blew off The Simpsons Movie.
161
00:06:59,936 --> 00:07:02,455
What? Oh, dude,
this party was slamming, man.
162
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,629
There was no
way I could leave.
163
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:05,769
Check this out, okay?
164
00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:07,495
Me and Billy.
165
00:07:07,496 --> 00:07:08,944
Me and Billy.
166
00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:11,050
Billy buying me a drink.
167
00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:13,328
Oh, and this is this hilarious
little dog I saw.
168
00:07:13,329 --> 00:07:15,019
Check that out.
169
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,227
Oh, look at his face.
170
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,712
I know.
He's almost human.
171
00:07:17,713 --> 00:07:20,162
Dude, why didn't you
invite us to the party?
172
00:07:20,163 --> 00:07:22,164
I just kind of figured
it wasn't your scene,
you know?
173
00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:24,097
I didn't know we had a scene.
Yeah, what's our scene?
174
00:07:24,098 --> 00:07:27,031
The one where we wait
around for our friend
who never shows?
175
00:07:27,032 --> 00:07:29,413
All right, all right.
Look, you know what?
176
00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:30,897
I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
177
00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:32,934
I'll have a little
discussion with Hams,
178
00:07:32,935 --> 00:07:34,901
see if he can get
you guys into Lab Rat.
179
00:07:34,902 --> 00:07:36,662
Lab Rat?
180
00:07:36,663 --> 00:07:39,768
Yeah. You know, that club,
used to be Blueroom
before it was Suede.
181
00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:40,873
The old PETCO.
182
00:07:40,874 --> 00:07:42,531
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
183
00:07:55,371 --> 00:07:57,028
Morning, neighbor.
184
00:07:58,650 --> 00:07:59,995
Hey, Fitzy.
185
00:07:59,996 --> 00:08:01,515
Got a second?
186
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,656
Yeah.
187
00:08:07,072 --> 00:08:08,763
So, listen,
I was sort of
hoping that after this,
188
00:08:08,764 --> 00:08:10,834
we could go up to
Miller's bookstore.
189
00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:13,319
Miller's? I haven't thought
about that place in forever.
190
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,493
Yeah?
Yeah.
191
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,942
Oh, that'd be great.
192
00:08:15,943 --> 00:08:17,323
I've never seen
so much sausage.
193
00:08:17,324 --> 00:08:19,014
You should see Rio. Oh!
194
00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:22,397
Guys, I miss Vesty.
195
00:08:22,398 --> 00:08:23,502
Aw.
196
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,641
Who's Vesty?
197
00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:27,540
This adorable
vest-wearing kid from Iowa
198
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:28,921
that brought up her
midnight tuna melts.
199
00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:30,370
He made my tuna...
200
00:08:30,371 --> 00:08:31,786
No, no. Just...
201
00:08:31,787 --> 00:08:32,925
Please don't.
202
00:08:32,926 --> 00:08:33,996
I'm out of champers.
203
00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:37,516
Waiter.
Yeah.
204
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:41,002
So are we pouring this now,
or are you still working?
205
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:42,521
Right away, ma'am.
206
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,453
So, what are
we doing tonight?
207
00:08:44,454 --> 00:08:47,767
Yeah, P.J. This is our
big night in Chicago.
208
00:08:47,768 --> 00:08:49,873
How are we spending it?
209
00:08:49,874 --> 00:08:51,978
I was hoping to show you guys
this place called Crowley's.
210
00:08:51,979 --> 00:08:55,085
It's a mellow dive,
but it's got great beer.
211
00:08:55,086 --> 00:08:56,431
How about the Lab Rat?
212
00:08:56,432 --> 00:08:58,606
Oh, that
sounds perfect.
What is it?
213
00:08:58,607 --> 00:09:02,264
It's New York Chicago's
favorite New York
nightclub in Chicago.
214
00:09:02,265 --> 00:09:03,507
What's New York Chicago?
215
00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,129
It's our tour book
that lists places
216
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:08,167
that are just like
New York in other cities.
217
00:09:08,168 --> 00:09:10,652
We have one for London,
Atlanta, and Brooklyn.
218
00:09:10,653 --> 00:09:11,791
That's the best one.
219
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:16,762
The Lab Rat is so hot,
it has bikini girls
in gerbil balls.
220
00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:18,902
Shouldn't it be
the other way around?
221
00:09:18,903 --> 00:09:20,559
One problem
with all-stars,
222
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,768
you have to hang out
with their entourage.
223
00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:24,493
More champers?
224
00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:25,978
Champers!
Cheers!
225
00:09:36,714 --> 00:09:38,335
Andy, it's Saturday night.
226
00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:41,890
Don't you have
a wife and child
and a life in the suburbs?
227
00:09:41,891 --> 00:09:44,513
I'm not driving back
till my neighbor
falls asleep.
228
00:09:44,514 --> 00:09:46,170
Fitzy rented
Braveheart and told me
229
00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:47,758
to give a knock
when I get home.
230
00:09:47,759 --> 00:09:48,863
What a nightmare.
231
00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:50,002
"If my Rolling
Rock sign's lit,
232
00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:53,005
"it means I'm up.
Give a holler."
233
00:09:53,006 --> 00:09:56,733
I miss the city,
where your neighbors
are cold and suspicious,
234
00:09:56,734 --> 00:09:58,907
the way it should be.
Mmm-hmm.
235
00:09:58,908 --> 00:10:01,772
I found it.
And here's the receipt
from when I bought it.
236
00:10:01,773 --> 00:10:05,742
I guess I
thought I was gonna do
a lot of picnicking in 2002.
237
00:10:05,743 --> 00:10:08,158
Oh, wow. Thank you so much.
238
00:10:08,159 --> 00:10:09,711
Since Lake Geneva
went so well,
239
00:10:09,712 --> 00:10:13,128
Lance and I are
going to a free concert
at Millennium Park,
240
00:10:13,129 --> 00:10:14,682
some jazz harpist.
241
00:10:14,683 --> 00:10:16,545
What? A free jazz harpist?
242
00:10:16,546 --> 00:10:18,651
You guys, I don't want to go
to the Lab Rat tonight,
243
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,135
and I don't know what to do.
244
00:10:20,136 --> 00:10:21,689
Lyssa seems
like she's changed.
245
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:23,207
She's completely New Yorky.
246
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,830
Well, you haven't
seen her in seven years.
247
00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:26,417
I mean, that's a long time.
248
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,488
Yeah, but she was
really cool, okay?
249
00:10:28,489 --> 00:10:30,559
And now she is
completely different.
250
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,871
I don't know.
Maybe it's her friends.
251
00:10:31,872 --> 00:10:34,011
They were so awful.
252
00:10:34,012 --> 00:10:35,944
Yeah. You're at that age.
What does that mean?
253
00:10:35,945 --> 00:10:37,601
You know,
it's the time when people
254
00:10:37,602 --> 00:10:39,568
really start to
become who they are.
255
00:10:39,569 --> 00:10:41,053
You end up
drifting apart from people
256
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:42,537
who were once
really important to you.
257
00:10:42,538 --> 00:10:44,919
Yeah, I guess I
just don't really wanna
drift apart from her.
258
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,541
Well, maybe you
should tell her that.
259
00:10:46,542 --> 00:10:49,544
But sometimes you
gotta let a friend go,
and it's a good thing,
260
00:10:49,545 --> 00:10:50,925
'cause when you
get to be my age,
261
00:10:50,926 --> 00:10:52,858
you barely have time
for the friends you have.
262
00:10:52,859 --> 00:10:55,723
Certainly don't have
time to fit in new ones.
263
00:10:55,724 --> 00:10:56,862
Fitzy.
264
00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:58,484
I guess.
265
00:10:58,485 --> 00:11:01,798
It was so weird.
All she wanted to do today
was spa and club.
266
00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:04,697
I like your verbs
that are things.
267
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:07,874
I think I'm gonna sandwich
after I sofa here for a bit.
268
00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:15,121
This is absurd.
269
00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:16,675
It's gonna be
an hour and 30 bucks
270
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,193
before we even
get to the bar.
271
00:11:18,194 --> 00:11:19,436
It's totally barbaric.
272
00:11:19,437 --> 00:11:21,750
Yo. I have arrived.
Let's fall in.
273
00:11:25,615 --> 00:11:27,962
Dude,
are you sure
that's Brendo?
274
00:11:35,453 --> 00:11:37,074
So is this place
really like New York?
275
00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:38,731
Oh, nothing's
like New York.
276
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,182
In New York,
I walk by 50,000 people
277
00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:43,598
every day of
all walks of life.
278
00:11:43,599 --> 00:11:46,152
It's just made
me so accepting.
279
00:11:46,153 --> 00:11:47,636
Excuse me.
Could you back up?
280
00:11:47,637 --> 00:11:49,225
Old Spice
makes me sick.
281
00:11:50,261 --> 00:11:52,745
Chicago bartenders
are so slow.
282
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:55,368
On the plus side,
these were only
20 bucks each.
283
00:11:55,369 --> 00:11:57,577
Here's to finding
a guy who knows more
284
00:11:57,578 --> 00:11:59,269
about De Beers
than "da Bears."
285
00:12:04,033 --> 00:12:05,378
Oh, my God. Hurray.
286
00:12:05,379 --> 00:12:08,209
Hey, you guys wanna meet
some great Chicago guys?
287
00:12:08,210 --> 00:12:09,348
Honey, I wanna eat some...
288
00:12:09,349 --> 00:12:10,488
Okay.
289
00:12:11,558 --> 00:12:12,972
God, look at this place.
290
00:12:12,973 --> 00:12:14,456
Oh, look out.
291
00:12:14,457 --> 00:12:15,975
Whoa!
292
00:12:15,976 --> 00:12:17,390
Girls in gerbil balls.
293
00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:18,737
I bet you think
that's a sport, too.
294
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,462
If they race, yes.
295
00:12:20,463 --> 00:12:22,603
Where the heck
did Brendan go?
296
00:12:23,846 --> 00:12:25,537
What's up, man?
Hey, how you doing, man?
297
00:12:27,263 --> 00:12:29,437
Oh, my God. Hi! Hi!
298
00:12:29,438 --> 00:12:30,576
Hey.
Hey.
299
00:12:30,577 --> 00:12:31,750
I'm so happy
to see you guys.
300
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,923
How are you?
301
00:12:32,924 --> 00:12:34,062
I've never been so happy...
302
00:12:34,063 --> 00:12:35,132
Hi, guys.
303
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:36,444
Hi.
Hi.
304
00:12:36,445 --> 00:12:38,032
- Hi.
- Hey.
305
00:12:38,033 --> 00:12:42,415
Oh, yeah. This is Tina,
Veronica, Debbie.
306
00:12:42,416 --> 00:12:43,485
How was...
Veronica.
307
00:12:43,486 --> 00:12:44,728
Debbie.
Tina.
308
00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:47,145
My bad.
And that's my old pal Lyssa.
309
00:12:48,457 --> 00:12:50,320
Hello.
Hey, guys.
310
00:12:50,321 --> 00:12:52,425
We were just
about to go the bar
and beg for some drinks.
311
00:12:52,426 --> 00:12:54,324
You want us to
beg you anything?
Yeah.
312
00:12:54,325 --> 00:12:56,844
I'll have
a Hip'n'Hop with Grey Goose
and Corralejo.
313
00:12:56,845 --> 00:12:59,847
A what?
Oh, it's like
a Cosmo with tequila.
314
00:12:59,848 --> 00:13:01,470
Mmm.
Yuck.
315
00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:06,612
So how long are you...
Two nights.
316
00:13:06,613 --> 00:13:08,788
And what do you...
Consulting.
317
00:13:11,411 --> 00:13:14,447
I love New York,
the city that never sleeps.
318
00:13:14,448 --> 00:13:17,519
Do you sleep,
or are you up all night?
319
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,487
Oh, I burn
the candle at both ends.
320
00:13:19,488 --> 00:13:21,385
Oh, that's a lot of wax.
321
00:13:21,386 --> 00:13:23,663
Totally. Fire hazard.
322
00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:27,427
What are we talking about?
323
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,775
Lyssa.
324
00:13:32,156 --> 00:13:33,432
You know,
I feel like we haven't
325
00:13:33,433 --> 00:13:34,709
had a chance to
catch up at all.
326
00:13:34,710 --> 00:13:36,366
I know.
Well, you know what?
327
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:38,092
Maybe tomorrow,
before you leave,
328
00:13:38,093 --> 00:13:39,748
we could, I don't know,
just the two of us...
329
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:41,267
We could get some coffee,
you know.
330
00:13:41,268 --> 00:13:42,786
We could go up to,
like, Evanston or...
331
00:13:42,787 --> 00:13:45,616
Why would I wanna
go up to Evanston?
332
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,756
Don't have to go to Evanston.
We could, like, just...
333
00:13:47,757 --> 00:13:49,724
I don't know.
We could get coffee
anywhere, I guess.
334
00:13:49,725 --> 00:13:52,175
Oh, my God.
Is that that guy from college?
335
00:13:52,176 --> 00:13:54,729
What's his name?
Brandon?
336
00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:56,731
It's Brendan,
and he is not like that.
337
00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:58,698
What, you know him?
338
00:13:58,699 --> 00:14:00,631
Oh, my God.
He got so hot.
339
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,254
Oh, let's go talk to him.
340
00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:04,774
Um, yeah, you should go.
I'll just hang out...
341
00:14:05,568 --> 00:14:07,638
By myself.
342
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,675
I'm gonna chalk up
the lack of connection
343
00:14:09,676 --> 00:14:12,368
to the fact that you are
in a giant plastic ball!
344
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,163
Okay!
345
00:14:15,164 --> 00:14:19,547
We gotta get
out of here.
346
00:14:19,548 --> 00:14:21,273
Hey, there's Brendo.
347
00:14:21,274 --> 00:14:22,516
Brendo!
348
00:14:23,448 --> 00:14:24,828
I'll call him.
349
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,347
Why don't you
tell him you're 1984
350
00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:27,866
and you want your
sunglasses back?
351
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,626
Or just tell him
you're 1984
352
00:14:29,627 --> 00:14:31,317
and you want
Mary Lou Retton's
leotard back.
353
00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:32,872
Dude, stop it.
354
00:14:37,462 --> 00:14:39,878
Did he just screen me?
I will...
355
00:14:44,745 --> 00:14:46,851
Oh, that's just disgusting.
356
00:14:48,473 --> 00:14:49,818
It was nice to meet you.
This place is nuts.
357
00:14:49,819 --> 00:14:51,061
We're gonna blow.
358
00:14:51,062 --> 00:14:53,996
Nuts? Blow?
Too many options.
359
00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:58,794
I just wanna be loved.
I overcompensate.
360
00:15:24,613 --> 00:15:27,443
Morning, Andy.
Wait a second, neighbor.
361
00:15:30,308 --> 00:15:32,551
Most entourages
are just yes men.
362
00:15:32,552 --> 00:15:35,312
They ensure the all-star
keeps believing
their own hype,
363
00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:37,211
but the good
ones make sure that,
364
00:15:37,212 --> 00:15:39,006
even in success,
the player stays grounded.
365
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:41,663
Guys, what's
happening to my friends?
366
00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:43,320
I mean,
Lyssa used to be so cool.
367
00:15:43,321 --> 00:15:44,943
Now she's a nightmare.
368
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,047
All right,
what about Brendan?
Mmm!
369
00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:47,773
He's horrible.
370
00:15:47,774 --> 00:15:50,086
I know.
Ever since the whole
"sexiest bachelor" thing,
371
00:15:50,087 --> 00:15:54,607
he turned into
a total grade-A,
free-range douchebag.
372
00:15:54,608 --> 00:15:56,264
Screw him. He screened me.
373
00:15:56,265 --> 00:15:57,852
Kid's completely
out of control.
374
00:15:57,853 --> 00:16:01,131
All right,
maybe he doesn't know
how bad it's gotten.
375
00:16:01,132 --> 00:16:02,753
You guys,
we gotta do something
about Brendo.
376
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,859
I mean, he is retrievable.
I know it.
377
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:08,138
And if we do something now,
it could be, like,
just a phase, you know?
378
00:16:08,139 --> 00:16:10,209
Like, everybody has
a weird phase, right?
379
00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:12,246
Yeah. I tried
to rock the bolo tie
380
00:16:12,247 --> 00:16:14,213
during that whole
Joshua Tree period.
381
00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:15,490
It happens to everyone.
382
00:16:15,491 --> 00:16:16,664
That doesn't.
383
00:16:16,665 --> 00:16:17,941
What?
384
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:19,218
All right, so what are
we supposed to do, then,
385
00:16:19,219 --> 00:16:21,427
just ride this out
and hope it goes away?
386
00:16:21,428 --> 00:16:23,257
I think it's more
serious than that.
387
00:16:23,258 --> 00:16:25,397
I think we gotta
do an intervention.
388
00:16:25,398 --> 00:16:27,709
A douchebag intervention.
I like it.
389
00:16:29,436 --> 00:16:30,781
I like intervening.
You know that.
Yeah.
390
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:31,851
Hey.
391
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:34,716
We sold the leotard.
392
00:16:34,717 --> 00:16:36,063
You're kidding me.
Uh-uh.
393
00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:38,720
Who would want to buy
a Mary Lou Retton leotard?
394
00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:43,587
Evidently mlrgold84@aol.com.
395
00:16:43,588 --> 00:16:45,210
I got Mary Lou
Retton's e-mail.
396
00:16:45,211 --> 00:16:46,797
Nice. Send her a picture
of me sticking a landing.
397
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,006
Yeah.
398
00:16:53,909 --> 00:16:55,668
I'm so sorry about Lyssa.
399
00:16:55,669 --> 00:16:58,637
Yeah. I just decided
to let her go.
400
00:16:58,638 --> 00:17:01,053
I mean, Brendo's
worth fighting for,
401
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,400
but Lyssa and I
just grew apart.
402
00:17:03,401 --> 00:17:05,851
Oh, hey, how was
the picnic last night?
403
00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:07,749
I asked Lance to Italy.
404
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,510
No way!
405
00:17:09,511 --> 00:17:11,167
Oh, my God.
406
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:13,100
Wait.
What happened to Saugatuck?
407
00:17:13,101 --> 00:17:14,929
I don't know.
I just got caught up.
408
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:18,933
It was a perfect
mix of wine, starlight
and jazz harp.
409
00:17:18,934 --> 00:17:22,868
What mix is that?
Wine. Mostly wine.
410
00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:24,663
Okay,
I want to remind you all
411
00:17:24,664 --> 00:17:26,389
that Brendan may
not want to be helped,
412
00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:28,184
but this must
happen for his own good.
413
00:17:28,185 --> 00:17:29,944
For his own good.
414
00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:31,566
Yo. What up, y'alls?
415
00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:32,912
Dr. Brendo's
drinking sake tonight.
416
00:17:32,913 --> 00:17:34,328
Someone's gonna
have to pour it for me,
417
00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:37,607
'cause, you know,
it's bad luck to pour your...
418
00:17:37,608 --> 00:17:39,988
What's going on?
419
00:17:39,989 --> 00:17:41,749
Brendan, please come
over and take a seat.
420
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:43,509
Why? What is this?
421
00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:45,339
Brendan, we all love you.
422
00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:47,100
We just wanna talk to you.
423
00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:53,416
Brendan, your friends
are all here tonight
to support you.
424
00:17:53,417 --> 00:17:55,142
They care about you
and want you to know
425
00:17:55,143 --> 00:17:56,764
that lately they
have noticed...
426
00:17:56,765 --> 00:17:58,835
Dude, you've been acting
like a total douchebag.
427
00:17:58,836 --> 00:18:00,802
Total douchebag!
428
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:03,564
Okay. All right.
Let's remain calm.
This is for Brendan.
429
00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:07,292
Now, they've each
written you a letter.
Bobby.
430
00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:10,226
"Dear Brendo,
you've been acting
like a douche lately.
431
00:18:10,227 --> 00:18:13,298
"When you bail on us
at the last minute,
it really hurts my feelings.
432
00:18:13,299 --> 00:18:15,921
"And last week,
you went all in
with a 7-4 offsuit
433
00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:19,407
"and took all my money,
and it really sucked."
434
00:18:19,408 --> 00:18:21,237
Thank you, Bobby.
That was very brave.
435
00:18:21,238 --> 00:18:22,446
Kenny?
436
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:25,172
"Dear Brendan,
since you got named
437
00:18:25,173 --> 00:18:26,656
"in that sexy
Chicago list thing,
438
00:18:26,657 --> 00:18:27,967
"you've been kind of douchey.
439
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:29,762
"When you tried
to get me to buy
the new Fergie album,
440
00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:31,212
"it made me feel so lonely.
441
00:18:31,213 --> 00:18:32,662
"I want you to get better.
442
00:18:32,663 --> 00:18:34,698
"P.S. I don't understand
your girl jeans."
443
00:18:34,699 --> 00:18:36,286
All right,
you know what, guys?
444
00:18:36,287 --> 00:18:37,839
I really don't have
time for this, okay?
445
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,186
'Cause I'm supposed
to play laser tag
446
00:18:39,187 --> 00:18:40,635
with Jeremy Piven
at midnight, so...
447
00:18:40,636 --> 00:18:43,466
See? That's what
we're talking about!
448
00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:44,606
Okay.
449
00:18:46,504 --> 00:18:49,161
"Brendan, you
screened my call, douchebag.
450
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:50,818
"You're a really big douche.
451
00:18:50,819 --> 00:18:53,648
"If you were a superhero,
you'd be Captain Douchebag.
452
00:18:53,649 --> 00:18:55,926
"Your superpowers
would be screening calls
453
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,895
"and the ability to
wreck any hang. Douche."
454
00:18:58,896 --> 00:19:02,450
And then I drew
a picture of you
as Captain Douchebag.
455
00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:04,211
Who's he fighting?
That's a giant lizard.
456
00:19:04,212 --> 00:19:06,178
Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.
457
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:09,630
I got Fitzy'd pretty bad.
I tried to talk...
458
00:19:09,631 --> 00:19:10,907
What's going on?
459
00:19:10,908 --> 00:19:13,634
Andy, it's the douchebag
intervention, remember?
460
00:19:13,635 --> 00:19:15,015
Oh, right.
461
00:19:17,259 --> 00:19:20,813
Kenny, when you act
like you're on The Sopranos...
462
00:19:20,814 --> 00:19:23,265
Andy,
it's Brendan's intervention.
463
00:19:24,232 --> 00:19:25,542
Sorry.
464
00:19:25,543 --> 00:19:28,752
Brendan, why are you being
such a lame-o recently?
465
00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:31,100
Look at you.
Look at your hair.
466
00:19:31,825 --> 00:19:33,723
Have some cucumbers.
467
00:19:33,724 --> 00:19:35,690
You know what?
This sucks, okay?
468
00:19:35,691 --> 00:19:38,245
I finally start
getting some attention,
and I gotta deal with this?
469
00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:39,660
You know what?
470
00:19:39,661 --> 00:19:41,593
You guys are
all just jealous.
471
00:19:41,594 --> 00:19:42,628
You should feel thankful
that I still
make time for you.
472
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:46,184
Douchey von Douchenstein!
Really?
473
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,461
Stay calm. Stay calm.
474
00:19:47,462 --> 00:19:48,669
This is all part
of the healing.
475
00:19:48,670 --> 00:19:50,360
I don't have to
deal with this, okay?
476
00:19:50,361 --> 00:19:51,913
You know what my new
friends would think
if they knew
477
00:19:51,914 --> 00:19:53,191
I was hanging
out with some dad
from Hoffman Estates?
478
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,640
Easy, Seacrest.
479
00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,055
Okay, that is enough!
480
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:58,506
Brendan, come on.
You are not mean and awful.
481
00:19:58,507 --> 00:19:59,956
Why are you acting like this?
482
00:19:59,957 --> 00:20:01,371
This isn't you.
483
00:20:01,372 --> 00:20:03,270
I mean, come on, man.
Look at your belt.
484
00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:04,720
Hey, you know what...
Look at it!
485
00:20:13,419 --> 00:20:15,799
Oh, my God.
Yes. Exactly.
486
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,250
It's been really
rough for us, you know?
487
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,459
We just don't understand
what you're trying to prove.
488
00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:23,117
Nothing.
I don't know. I just...
489
00:20:23,118 --> 00:20:25,153
I was just sort of
going with it, you know.
It was fun.
490
00:20:25,154 --> 00:20:28,087
Was it? Was it really fun?
491
00:20:28,088 --> 00:20:29,538
Yeah, a little.
492
00:20:30,781 --> 00:20:34,957
But, you guys,
Hams is not that smart.
493
00:20:35,648 --> 00:20:37,304
Wait, your Hams?
494
00:20:37,305 --> 00:20:39,789
Look, Brendan,
you're not one of those guys
495
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:43,689
that cares about
clubs and name-dropping.
496
00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:45,519
I mean,
you've never been that guy.
497
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,797
And all this fake stuff,
I just don't think
498
00:20:47,798 --> 00:20:49,695
it's gonna really
make you happy, you know,
499
00:20:49,696 --> 00:20:53,251
and we just wanted to
tell you all of this
because we want you back.
500
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,804
Wow, was I really that bad?
501
00:20:54,805 --> 00:20:56,288
"C's and vods"? Come on.
502
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:59,049
"I have arrived. Fall in."
503
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:01,051
I am so sorry that
I blew you off, man,
504
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:04,503
and I'm so sorry
that I screened
your phone call. I...
505
00:21:04,504 --> 00:21:05,849
I'm sorry for all of it.
506
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:09,474
It's okay, Brendan.
What matters is
you want to change.
507
00:21:09,475 --> 00:21:10,614
I do.
508
00:21:12,098 --> 00:21:14,686
I don't wanna be a douche.
509
00:21:14,687 --> 00:21:16,584
Man, if this is what
you guys are saying
to my face,
510
00:21:16,585 --> 00:21:18,172
I can only imagine
what you were
saying behind my back.
511
00:21:18,173 --> 00:21:19,829
Yeah.
It was pretty strong.
512
00:21:19,830 --> 00:21:23,488
In success,
the challenge is, don't forget
where you came from.
513
00:21:23,489 --> 00:21:25,075
It sounds easy,
514
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:27,251
but sometimes you need help
from the people who love you.
38212
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