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1
00:00:13,185 --> 00:00:17,361
Superstars like famous
athletes, celebrities,
really beautiful people,
2
00:00:17,362 --> 00:00:19,535
live in a different
world than we do.
3
00:00:19,536 --> 00:00:24,506
The Cubs are proud to announce
the signing of veteran
superstar Hernando Garcia.
4
00:00:26,233 --> 00:00:28,717
They get to do things
that most of us
can only dream about.
5
00:00:28,718 --> 00:00:30,374
It's like they've
been touched by God.
6
00:00:30,375 --> 00:00:32,203
I'm sure you'll
all understand
7
00:00:32,204 --> 00:00:34,171
Mr. Garcia's had
a long flight in
from San Diego.
8
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:36,173
He'll take your
questions tomorrow.
9
00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:42,834
Man, this is
a total circus.
10
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:46,735
It doesn't make sense.
The dude hasn't had a
decent season in two years.
11
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:48,495
Yeah, but he's
still a superstar.
12
00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:50,359
I mean, the change of
scenery might do him good.
13
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,189
He was really
struggling in San Diego.
14
00:00:52,190 --> 00:00:53,983
Yeah, better food
in Chicago,
that's for sure.
15
00:00:53,984 --> 00:00:56,331
Oh, yeah.
You tried that new
hot dog joint on Kinzie?
16
00:00:56,332 --> 00:00:58,333
The Wiener and
Still Champion?
You know it?
17
00:00:58,334 --> 00:00:59,817
Okay. How about
I'm flying,
you're buying?
18
00:00:59,818 --> 00:01:01,853
Done and done, son.
19
00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,028
Guys, speaking
of superstars...
20
00:01:04,029 --> 00:01:06,030
Wow,
Jack Brisco's here.
21
00:01:06,031 --> 00:01:08,067
Oh, my God. He never
works these press
conferences anymore.
22
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,103
It's a huge story.
Everybody's covering it.
23
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,863
Yeah, no fooling.
I was gonna take the day off.
24
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:15,419
Yeah, somebody's dying
to ride the new roller
coaster over at Six Flags.
25
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:20,424
Ultimate Flight.
It's gonna kick ass.
And I'm not gonna cry.
26
00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:21,701
Hey, man.
Hey!
27
00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:22,909
Hello, kiddies.
28
00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:24,704
You as thrilled
to be here as I am?
29
00:01:24,705 --> 00:01:27,396
Well, well.
We never see you mingling
with us common folk.
30
00:01:27,397 --> 00:01:29,847
You want
my autograph?
31
00:01:29,848 --> 00:01:32,298
I was
supposed to get an exclusive
interview with Senor Garcia,
32
00:01:32,299 --> 00:01:35,024
but apparently he
no like the press.
33
00:01:35,025 --> 00:01:37,751
Wow. Even you,
the great Jack Brisco.
34
00:01:37,752 --> 00:01:40,237
Even the great
Jack Brisco.
35
00:01:40,238 --> 00:01:42,342
You call yourself
"the great Jack Brisco."
36
00:01:42,343 --> 00:01:43,964
How do you
think it started?
37
00:01:46,175 --> 00:01:48,831
God, what is it
like to be him?
38
00:01:48,832 --> 00:01:50,972
It's nice work
if you can get it.
39
00:01:56,012 --> 00:01:58,531
Yeah, I heard that
Hernando is really
superstitious.
40
00:01:58,532 --> 00:02:00,326
Oh, God, yeah.
41
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:02,224
Does he still
brush his teeth
between innings?
42
00:02:02,225 --> 00:02:04,709
No, but he has a
chicken foot, and he
rubs it on his right leg.
43
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:07,264
Hey, you know,
I'm gonna have
a Leinenkugel.
44
00:02:07,265 --> 00:02:09,266
Ditto.
45
00:02:09,267 --> 00:02:11,233
I'll have a glass
of Shiraz, please.
46
00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:15,064
We have Bud,
Old Style, PBR...
47
00:02:15,065 --> 00:02:16,756
No, no.
It's a wine.
48
00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:18,447
You should have it
behind the bar.
49
00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:19,829
Could you check?
50
00:02:20,726 --> 00:02:22,796
Sure.
51
00:02:22,797 --> 00:02:25,661
Meredith and I are taking
a wine-tasting class,
all right?
52
00:02:25,662 --> 00:02:28,043
Her therapist suggested
we do more stuff together,
53
00:02:28,044 --> 00:02:29,734
so I signed up
for the thing.
It's...
54
00:02:29,735 --> 00:02:30,804
Shiraz?
55
00:02:30,805 --> 00:02:32,047
Big in Australia.
56
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:34,014
It's got a subtle
chocolate nuance.
57
00:02:34,015 --> 00:02:36,086
It's fantastic
with a pork chop.
58
00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:43,541
Hello, nurse.
What is up,
foxy lady?
59
00:02:43,542 --> 00:02:45,578
"Foxy"? Really?
What?
60
00:02:45,579 --> 00:02:48,615
I think I've just never
heard you use the term
"foxy lady" before.
61
00:02:48,616 --> 00:02:50,997
Then you've never
heard me on my CB radio.
62
00:02:50,998 --> 00:02:52,171
Maybe she's lost.
63
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,725
Hey, Dani.
64
00:02:54,622 --> 00:02:56,105
Hi, babe.
65
00:02:56,106 --> 00:02:57,279
Whoa.
What?
66
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,418
- Damn.
- What?
67
00:02:58,419 --> 00:03:00,420
She...
She knows him?
68
00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:01,594
He's with her.
69
00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:02,767
Did he win
a contest or something?
70
00:03:02,768 --> 00:03:03,941
Maybe she's hammered.
71
00:03:03,942 --> 00:03:05,356
What did he
do to his hair?
72
00:03:05,357 --> 00:03:07,186
Why are you
looking at him?
73
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,534
Hey, those are my
friends right there.
74
00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:15,055
Hey, everybody. This is Dani.
Dani, this is everybody.
75
00:03:15,056 --> 00:03:16,816
Hi, everybody.
Hi.
76
00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:18,749
This is Brendan
and that's Kenny.
Hi.
77
00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:20,682
And that's Andy,
and that's P.J.
78
00:03:20,683 --> 00:03:22,442
Hi, T.J.
P.J.
79
00:03:22,443 --> 00:03:25,859
P.J. I've heard
so much about you.
It's nice to meet you.
80
00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:27,309
Really?
81
00:03:27,310 --> 00:03:28,137
Yeah. You're like
the den mother, right?
82
00:03:28,138 --> 00:03:30,692
Yeah, well...
Wait. What?
83
00:03:30,693 --> 00:03:34,489
Yeah, we don't have
whatever that wine is,
but we do have a house red.
84
00:03:34,490 --> 00:03:36,007
Where's it from?
85
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:37,492
The bar.
86
00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,148
Here you go.
87
00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:41,185
Dani and I met
the other night
at the Belmont Club.
88
00:03:42,808 --> 00:03:45,396
You guys would
totally love it.
It is so much fun.
89
00:03:45,397 --> 00:03:47,433
I saw David Schwimmer
there last week.
90
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:49,228
You did?
I did.
91
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,851
He was on Friends.
92
00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:53,301
The Belmont Club.
93
00:03:53,302 --> 00:03:55,026
God, I'd never even
get past the guy
at the front door.
94
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:58,167
Who, Lonnie?
He's a big teddy bear.
95
00:03:58,168 --> 00:04:01,550
I bet he is.
I bet he's a big
old teddy bear.
96
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:03,587
I've got him wrapped
around my little finger.
97
00:04:03,588 --> 00:04:06,072
She does.
She totally does.
98
00:04:06,073 --> 00:04:07,522
I mean, I could
get you guys in.
99
00:04:07,523 --> 00:04:09,455
You know, even if you
were dressed like that.
100
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,666
We would...
We'd dress up.
101
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,393
Just let me know
if you guys wanna
go, okay?
102
00:04:16,394 --> 00:04:18,049
Can I get you
guys anything else?
103
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:19,982
Anyone? Anyone?
104
00:04:19,983 --> 00:04:22,122
Stop it.
105
00:04:22,123 --> 00:04:26,679
"Bueller? Bueller?"
I think we're good.
106
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,786
Anyway,
so we started talking,
and I let him buy me a drink.
107
00:04:30,787 --> 00:04:32,236
And now we're
on for dinner.
108
00:04:32,237 --> 00:04:34,238
We are going
to Fontana.
109
00:04:36,034 --> 00:04:37,897
First I thought
he said, "Montana."
110
00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:40,520
I was like,
"That's a long way to
go just for dinner."
111
00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:43,696
It is. You'd have to
pack a lunch for dinner.
112
00:04:43,697 --> 00:04:47,459
I better go freshen up.
It was nice meeting all
of you. Bye.
113
00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:53,223
Who are you guys?
114
00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:54,742
Wow.
115
00:04:56,434 --> 00:04:58,055
She is totally awesome.
116
00:04:58,056 --> 00:05:02,439
Yeah. Cherry, cherry,
cherry. Jackpot.
117
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:07,375
Mike, how do you...
She... I mean...
118
00:05:07,376 --> 00:05:10,343
I'm sorry, did I miss
when you guys all got
lobotomies?
119
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,689
You know what?
120
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:14,382
To be honest,
I don't think
she's that hot.
121
00:05:14,383 --> 00:05:16,211
Are you blind?
You're insane.
122
00:05:16,212 --> 00:05:17,902
I'm trying to make
her feel better.
123
00:05:17,903 --> 00:05:20,388
She is smoking.
You're out of your league.
124
00:05:20,389 --> 00:05:22,666
Yeah, but in her defense,
she's very young.
She's only 23.
125
00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:26,532
Winner, winner,
chicken dinner.
Well done.
126
00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:28,085
Totally hot.
Give it.
127
00:05:28,086 --> 00:05:30,882
Give it. Give it.
One more.
You, too, chief.
128
00:05:35,162 --> 00:05:36,714
Just like with Dani,
129
00:05:36,715 --> 00:05:39,407
the light of a superstar
can be so bright,
it's actually blinding.
130
00:05:39,408 --> 00:05:42,651
I'm going on the record.
I think Dani's great.
131
00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:44,135
Please.
132
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:46,621
Come on. She's cool.
She's funny. She's sm...
133
00:05:46,622 --> 00:05:48,174
Don't you dare
say "smart."
134
00:05:48,175 --> 00:05:49,796
Smurfy.
135
00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:51,902
That's the only word
you can think of
that begins with "sm"?
136
00:05:51,903 --> 00:05:53,593
You were gonna
say "smart"
137
00:05:53,594 --> 00:05:57,528
about a woman who
thought she was having
dinner in another state.
138
00:05:57,529 --> 00:05:58,805
You know what, guys?
139
00:05:58,806 --> 00:05:59,979
I feel like I've
seen her before.
140
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:02,430
Okay. Does this
help jog your memory?
141
00:06:04,536 --> 00:06:06,951
Oh, Mr. Cable Man.
142
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:08,090
Yes?
143
00:06:08,091 --> 00:06:11,266
I want all
your channels.
144
00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:13,199
Wow. Dinner and a movie.
145
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,545
I've seen this one.
146
00:06:14,546 --> 00:06:17,341
No, I'm serious.
I know her.
I know Dani.
147
00:06:17,342 --> 00:06:18,963
I don't know
how, though.
148
00:06:18,964 --> 00:06:22,622
P.J., you don't
like her because
she's so hot.
149
00:06:22,623 --> 00:06:24,383
That is so not true.
150
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,626
I just get a bad
vibe from her.
151
00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:29,008
Well, she is
still a fox.
152
00:06:29,009 --> 00:06:30,147
Amen.
153
00:06:30,148 --> 00:06:31,769
Speaking of foxes...
154
00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:33,633
Okay, wait. Hang on.
I'm sorry, you guys.
155
00:06:33,634 --> 00:06:34,841
Is "fox" back?
156
00:06:34,842 --> 00:06:36,153
Okay, I need
some advice.
157
00:06:37,293 --> 00:06:38,431
Who is it this time?
158
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,951
Greg from
Business Affairs.
159
00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:43,332
Greg from
Business Affairs?
160
00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:45,714
Sounds dreamy.
161
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:49,408
Anyway, he is very cute
and a huge Bears fan.
162
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,652
Apparently his basement
is loaded with Bears stuff,
163
00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:54,171
so what can I get
him to impress him?
164
00:06:54,172 --> 00:06:55,862
Get him a bobblehead.
165
00:06:55,863 --> 00:06:57,726
A bobblehead?
What is he? Five?
166
00:06:57,727 --> 00:06:59,590
No. That's a good call.
Yeah.
167
00:06:59,591 --> 00:07:01,420
Is it normal for
a grown man to
collect bobbleheads?
168
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,870
I got Jeter, Bonds,
Count Chocula.
169
00:07:03,871 --> 00:07:06,010
I got all the Rolling Stones,
Ozzy Osbourne.
170
00:07:06,011 --> 00:07:07,391
I got Maddux,
Sandberg.
171
00:07:07,392 --> 00:07:08,599
Nice.
172
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,636
Oh, my God.
People, grow up.
173
00:07:10,637 --> 00:07:12,741
Trust me,
there are plenty of people
174
00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:15,019
who do not deserve
superstar treatment,
175
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:18,126
but for some reason,
we still treat them
like gods.
176
00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:19,748
Hernando, do you think
you'll see more pitches
177
00:07:19,749 --> 00:07:21,509
with a lefty hitting
behind you in the lineup?
178
00:07:21,510 --> 00:07:22,682
You gotta be
psyched about that.
179
00:07:22,683 --> 00:07:23,787
Yeah.
180
00:07:23,788 --> 00:07:25,961
Jack Brisco,
Chicago Sun-Times.
181
00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:27,687
Have you had a chance
to go apartment hunting?
182
00:07:27,688 --> 00:07:30,207
There's some good
stuff out there.
183
00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:32,865
Yo, Hernando,
I'm talking to you.
184
00:07:32,866 --> 00:07:34,349
Get a load
of this guy.
185
00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:36,627
He's a legend
in his own mind.
186
00:07:36,628 --> 00:07:38,733
I'm telling you,
Cubs fans are
not gonna put up
187
00:07:38,734 --> 00:07:40,700
with this
prima-donna crap,
you know?
188
00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:44,601
Especially if he keeps
batting a buck-ninety
like he did in San Diego.
189
00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:47,120
Come on, Hernando.
Quit being a tough guy.
190
00:07:48,675 --> 00:07:50,952
Gotta give me something
to work with, amigo.
191
00:07:50,953 --> 00:07:54,265
Unless you want me to write
a column about your
god-awful taste in music.
192
00:07:56,372 --> 00:07:58,028
You calling me old,
you son of a bitch?
193
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:06,070
There's your story.
It's official.
"New Cub is a total dick."
194
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:08,452
Hey, it's not your job
to editorialize, kiddo.
195
00:08:08,453 --> 00:08:10,937
It's your job to
make Garcia look good.
196
00:08:10,938 --> 00:08:14,665
The Cubs are very excited
about the acquisition
of Hernando Garcia.
197
00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:17,875
The veteran superstar
is expected to
play a key role
198
00:08:17,876 --> 00:08:19,774
in their push
toward the playoffs.
199
00:08:19,775 --> 00:08:21,465
There you go.
200
00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,640
I just wrote
the first two sentences
of your little beat column.
201
00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:25,055
Good luck
with the rest.
202
00:08:25,056 --> 00:08:27,298
And that's another
thing about superstars.
203
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,542
They get to act
any way they want,
204
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,683
and we just have to
sit there and take it.
205
00:08:36,757 --> 00:08:38,413
Hey, we're here.
Hey.
206
00:08:38,414 --> 00:08:40,380
Why is Dani here?
207
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:41,554
Wow! Look at this place.
208
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,211
And why is it that
superstars feel like
209
00:08:43,212 --> 00:08:46,041
they're always invited
to absolutely everything?
210
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:48,112
Check out the duds.
211
00:08:48,113 --> 00:08:49,631
Dani picked
them out for me.
212
00:08:49,632 --> 00:08:50,943
I look like
a rock star, right?
213
00:08:52,497 --> 00:08:54,947
Yeah, she really
captures your spirit.
214
00:08:54,948 --> 00:08:56,017
Hi, D.J.
215
00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:57,674
It's P.J.
216
00:08:57,675 --> 00:09:00,746
Oh, my God.
I've been telling everyone
that your name is D.J.
217
00:09:00,747 --> 00:09:02,817
It's P.J.
218
00:09:02,818 --> 00:09:04,819
Everyone's been like, "D.J.?
That's the cutest name
for a girl."
219
00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:07,373
But P.J. is good, too.
220
00:09:07,374 --> 00:09:10,065
Stand back, people.
It's the Cotes du Rhone.
221
00:09:10,066 --> 00:09:13,828
It took 23 different
grapes to make this
exceptional wine.
222
00:09:13,829 --> 00:09:16,002
Here's the thing
about wine-tasting class.
223
00:09:16,003 --> 00:09:21,076
I feel like it
makes the wine drinker
think that we care.
224
00:09:21,077 --> 00:09:23,492
Some of us are
interested in culture,
225
00:09:23,493 --> 00:09:26,565
and some of us wear T-shirts
from eighth grade.
226
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,669
Touche.
227
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,222
Hey, baby,
do you wanna play?
228
00:09:29,223 --> 00:09:30,465
No, no, no, no.
229
00:09:30,466 --> 00:09:31,811
I'm just gonna
wander around.
230
00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:33,088
Sure? You can play.
231
00:09:33,089 --> 00:09:35,504
I've been to Vegas
a kabillion times.
232
00:09:35,505 --> 00:09:37,955
I'm not really
a gambler.
233
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:40,440
I usually just
hang out by the bar.
234
00:09:40,441 --> 00:09:42,063
That's the best
place to meet people.
235
00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:43,237
I bet it is.
236
00:09:44,342 --> 00:09:45,618
Bet's on you, dude.
237
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:49,415
The bar at the Wynn,
that's the best
place on the planet.
238
00:09:49,416 --> 00:09:52,142
Steve has done
such an amazing job.
239
00:09:52,143 --> 00:09:53,315
Yeah, Steve.
240
00:09:53,316 --> 00:09:54,903
Wait, are we
playing cards?
241
00:09:54,904 --> 00:09:56,836
You know,
we got the cards.
We got the table.
242
00:09:56,837 --> 00:09:58,217
Who needs?
Who needs?
243
00:09:58,218 --> 00:09:59,701
You know, I could
use a larger glass.
244
00:09:59,702 --> 00:10:02,014
The Cotes du Rhone is
suffocating in this thing.
245
00:10:02,015 --> 00:10:03,187
I could use
a beer, please.
246
00:10:03,188 --> 00:10:04,431
Okay.
Thank you.
247
00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:07,847
I love
your afghan...
248
00:10:07,848 --> 00:10:09,022
What?
249
00:10:11,024 --> 00:10:12,783
What is your deal?
250
00:10:12,784 --> 00:10:15,821
You don't bring
guests to poker night
without asking, okay?
251
00:10:15,822 --> 00:10:19,790
My apartment is not
the bar at the Wynn.
252
00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:22,068
That's not the point.
The point is you're
being mean to Dani.
253
00:10:22,069 --> 00:10:25,140
I don't trust her, okay?
Believe me,
I know this kind of woman.
254
00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:27,280
Okay, I know she
bugs you, all right?
255
00:10:27,281 --> 00:10:31,181
But you have to learn to
chill out just a little bit
for Mike's sake.
256
00:10:31,182 --> 00:10:32,976
All right,
for Mike's sake.
257
00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:36,048
But if she mangles
my name one more time,
I'm gonna kill her.
258
00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:37,843
Fair enough, C.J.
259
00:10:37,844 --> 00:10:39,085
Kill...
260
00:10:42,711 --> 00:10:44,850
Kenny's attempt
at humor.
261
00:10:44,851 --> 00:10:49,061
Hey, you guys,
Mike and I are going
to a Bear game on Sunday.
262
00:10:49,062 --> 00:10:51,132
I've got four tickets,
263
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:53,513
plus I have these
passes to the V.I.P.
Club inside the stadium.
264
00:10:53,514 --> 00:10:55,688
You guys wanna go?
265
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,103
Are you kidding?
Absolutely.
266
00:10:57,104 --> 00:10:58,484
How'd you get
the tickets?
267
00:10:58,485 --> 00:10:59,796
My friend Brian,
he works for the team.
268
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:01,005
In the front office?
269
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,731
He's on the team.
270
00:11:03,732 --> 00:11:06,804
Brian. Brian Urlacher?
271
00:11:07,563 --> 00:11:08,667
God.
272
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,324
So, it's all settled?
Sunday, we have a date?
273
00:11:11,325 --> 00:11:13,050
Yeah, a date.
274
00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:15,018
Can you get
any more tickets?
275
00:11:15,019 --> 00:11:17,365
No, I'm sorry.
Do you know someone
else who'd like to go?
276
00:11:17,366 --> 00:11:18,469
What about Peej?
277
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,679
Who's Peej?
278
00:11:20,956 --> 00:11:22,542
Thank you.
279
00:11:22,543 --> 00:11:24,303
Steph,
they're driving
me crazy.
280
00:11:24,304 --> 00:11:28,031
They act like morons
in front of this girl.
281
00:11:28,032 --> 00:11:29,964
Hot women have
that effect on men.
282
00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:31,793
It's been that way
since the beginning
of time.
283
00:11:31,794 --> 00:11:34,347
Yeah, it's like they've all
joined the cult of Dani.
284
00:11:34,348 --> 00:11:36,936
Being a perfect 10
must be a full-time job,
don't you think?
285
00:11:36,937 --> 00:11:38,179
Right.
286
00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:41,734
I mean, facials,
workouts, the loofah.
287
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,667
No wonder they're so thin.
They don't have time to eat.
288
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:46,671
I know, and they make me
feel like Madeleine Albright.
289
00:11:50,226 --> 00:11:52,055
You've gotta
be kidding me.
290
00:11:52,056 --> 00:11:53,781
What's wrong?
291
00:11:53,782 --> 00:11:56,645
"Cub fans will not
tolerate a prima
donna in the lineup,
292
00:11:56,646 --> 00:11:58,268
"especially if
he continues to bat
293
00:11:58,269 --> 00:12:00,373
"a buck-ninety like
he did in San Diego."
294
00:12:00,374 --> 00:12:02,168
Oh, my God.
That son of a bitch!
295
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:03,376
Who? What?
What's wrong?
296
00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:05,206
Jack Brisco.
297
00:12:05,207 --> 00:12:08,588
He stole my article,
and after he told
me not to write it.
298
00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:10,038
This was my idea.
299
00:12:10,039 --> 00:12:11,453
Can he do that?
300
00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:14,456
I guess the great Jack Brisco
can do whatever he wants.
301
00:12:14,457 --> 00:12:18,081
Ultimately superstars
don't have to play by
the same rules as we do.
302
00:12:18,082 --> 00:12:19,496
They can get
away with murder.
303
00:12:19,497 --> 00:12:21,015
Seriously.
304
00:12:21,016 --> 00:12:23,087
I mean, some of them have,
haven't they?
305
00:12:30,197 --> 00:12:31,370
What are you gonna
do about Jack Brisco?
306
00:12:31,371 --> 00:12:32,474
I'm gonna kill him.
307
00:12:32,475 --> 00:12:34,200
Jack Brisco, Dani...
308
00:12:34,201 --> 00:12:35,857
I think it's
officially a spree.
309
00:12:35,858 --> 00:12:37,825
No. You need
three for a spree.
310
00:12:37,826 --> 00:12:39,654
He totally
ripped me off.
311
00:12:39,655 --> 00:12:41,690
Yeah, but look,
here's the thing
about your article.
312
00:12:41,691 --> 00:12:44,141
Your instincts
were dead on.
313
00:12:44,142 --> 00:12:47,421
You know, you kind of ended
up on the front page of the
Sports section. That's huge.
314
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:49,561
Well, I guess.
315
00:12:51,425 --> 00:12:52,564
Wait.
316
00:12:53,945 --> 00:12:55,566
Wait. I got it!
317
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,189
I got it.
318
00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,569
God, I hate it
when he does that.
319
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,640
No, no, no, no. I got it.
I know who Dani is.
320
00:13:00,641 --> 00:13:03,643
First of all,
her name's not Dani.
It's Linda Miller.
321
00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:05,749
Wait. What?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
322
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,993
She went to
high school with me
back in Minneapolis.
323
00:13:07,994 --> 00:13:10,133
She was a sophomore
when I was a senior.
324
00:13:10,134 --> 00:13:12,273
And she wouldn't
really recognize me,
325
00:13:12,274 --> 00:13:14,206
'cause she didn't really hang
out with the guys who played
Dungeons & Dragons.
326
00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:15,586
I was a
fifth-level fighter.
327
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,519
Seventh-level druid.
328
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,659
Now, see, Dani was even
kind of a local celebrity
back then,
329
00:13:19,660 --> 00:13:21,075
'cause she was so hot.
330
00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:22,662
She even went out
with Prince
a couple times.
331
00:13:22,663 --> 00:13:23,732
He's coming
next month.
332
00:13:23,733 --> 00:13:25,044
We gotta go.
I know a guy.
333
00:13:25,045 --> 00:13:26,874
Here's the best part,
though, okay?
334
00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:29,773
She was briefly
engaged to one of
the dudes on the Vikings.
335
00:13:29,774 --> 00:13:31,464
Oh, no.
336
00:13:31,465 --> 00:13:33,812
But she dumped him
for one of
the dudes on the Bulls.
337
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,710
I think it was
Luc Longley.
338
00:13:35,711 --> 00:13:38,368
Oh, no. Oh, no.
You guys, this is bad.
339
00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:39,921
Do you realize
what this means?
340
00:13:39,922 --> 00:13:42,199
It means Mike is
an in-betweener.
341
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,031
She's gonna dump him as soon
as she meets a Bull, a Cub,
or a Chili Pepper.
342
00:13:46,032 --> 00:13:47,756
Maybe she really
likes him.
343
00:13:47,757 --> 00:13:51,312
No. She's one of those girls
who only dates famous people.
344
00:13:51,313 --> 00:13:52,900
She is gonna
break his heart.
345
00:13:52,901 --> 00:13:54,487
We've got to
tell him something.
346
00:13:54,488 --> 00:13:57,836
Slow down, okay?
I mean, you gotta
let Mike have his fun.
347
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,873
She is the hottest chick
he's ever gonna date.
348
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,116
Plus he won't listen.
349
00:14:02,117 --> 00:14:03,980
She is the hottest chick
he's ever gonna date.
350
00:14:03,981 --> 00:14:07,224
Yeah. I mean,
Mike is totally lost
in Dani-land right now.
351
00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,054
She is the hottest chick
he's ever gonna date.
352
00:14:09,055 --> 00:14:10,779
All right, but,
so what are we gonna do?
353
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:13,852
We're just gonna
stand by while she just
throws him under the bus?
354
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,613
Ix-nay on
the ani-day.
355
00:14:16,614 --> 00:14:18,511
Hey. What's going down?
Hey.
356
00:14:18,512 --> 00:14:20,720
Hey, guys.
Hi, P.J.
357
00:14:20,721 --> 00:14:22,275
Hi.
I didn't forget.
358
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:27,969
Hey, P.J., Mike just told me
that you cover the Cubs.
359
00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:29,798
I do.
360
00:14:29,799 --> 00:14:31,731
Well, I can totally
get you interviews
with anyone you want.
361
00:14:31,732 --> 00:14:33,561
I know all
the Cubbies.
362
00:14:33,562 --> 00:14:35,908
I mean, I had dinner
with Hernando Garcia
last night.
363
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,047
You did?
364
00:14:37,048 --> 00:14:38,981
I can call him for you.
365
00:14:40,258 --> 00:14:42,225
That would be great.
366
00:14:42,226 --> 00:14:44,123
It's no problem.
Just let me know.
367
00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:46,885
Oh, my God,
that's so nice of you.
Thank you so much.
368
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,783
Wow.
369
00:14:48,784 --> 00:14:50,785
Dude, what is
on your ass?
370
00:14:50,786 --> 00:14:52,892
I know, man.
She has great
taste, right?
371
00:14:54,514 --> 00:14:55,514
Oh, God.
372
00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:02,141
This is a fantastic
bottle of Pinot Noir.
373
00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:06,180
Yeah. Sunday morning,
football, Pinot Noir...
374
00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:08,527
Who knew?
375
00:15:08,528 --> 00:15:10,425
Dorito?
I brought
my own gouda.
376
00:15:10,426 --> 00:15:12,013
Okay, I have
a question.
377
00:15:12,014 --> 00:15:13,773
Why are they
kicking it now?
378
00:15:13,774 --> 00:15:15,430
Because the guys
in the white pants
379
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:17,605
had three chances
to move the ball,
and they suck.
380
00:15:17,606 --> 00:15:19,469
And that's bad?
That's bad.
381
00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:22,921
Come on, Lovie! Would it
kill you to throw the ball
on first down? I mean...
382
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,855
You see, the coach
can actually hear him
through the TV.
383
00:15:26,856 --> 00:15:28,443
Do they all
get like this?
384
00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:30,583
You're killing me!
385
00:15:30,584 --> 00:15:32,102
Okay, I'm having second
thoughts about Greg from
Business Affairs.
386
00:15:32,103 --> 00:15:34,346
God, I wonder where
Dani's seats are.
387
00:15:34,347 --> 00:15:37,073
I wonder what or who
she did to get them.
388
00:15:38,282 --> 00:15:40,007
Hey, stop knocking her.
389
00:15:40,008 --> 00:15:42,250
She's getting
you that interview
with Hernando Garcia.
390
00:15:42,251 --> 00:15:46,047
Oh, God, don't remind me.
I feel so icky.
391
00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:48,981
All right,
does it make me like
a total hypocrite
392
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,569
taking something
from that woman?
393
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,536
Yes, it does.
394
00:15:52,537 --> 00:15:56,437
But...
"But..." Rationalize.
395
00:15:56,438 --> 00:15:57,852
Come on.
Give me a "but."
396
00:15:57,853 --> 00:16:00,751
You should take it.
It's too good of
an opportunity.
397
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,616
You know, I'm gonna go through
with it just to see if she
actually knows him.
398
00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:06,102
That's your excuse?
399
00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:07,724
That is what I am
going with, yes.
400
00:16:07,725 --> 00:16:08,968
Right.
401
00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:14,696
This is awesome.
Thank you so much, Dani.
402
00:16:14,697 --> 00:16:17,492
My pleasure.
Hey, make yourselves at home.
It's an open bar.
403
00:16:17,493 --> 00:16:19,805
The two greatest words
in the English language.
404
00:16:19,806 --> 00:16:22,947
I'm gonna say hi
to some friends.
I'll be right back, okay?
405
00:16:27,538 --> 00:16:29,918
Dudes, that is
my future wife.
406
00:16:29,919 --> 00:16:31,299
That's Mrs. Michael Callahan, man.
407
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:33,301
I am officially
off the market.
408
00:16:33,302 --> 00:16:35,096
Well, I mean,
she's hot, yeah,
409
00:16:35,097 --> 00:16:36,925
but, you know,
how well do you
really know her?
410
00:16:36,926 --> 00:16:38,720
20 bucks we'll be
engaged by Christmas.
411
00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:40,101
Dude, we should
take that bet.
412
00:16:40,102 --> 00:16:41,896
What?
Congratulations.
413
00:16:41,897 --> 00:16:44,002
Thanks, guys.
Hey, you want a beer?
414
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,175
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
415
00:16:45,176 --> 00:16:46,350
I'll be right back.
Okay.
416
00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:50,870
This is bad.
Yeah. This has
gotta end now.
417
00:16:50,871 --> 00:16:52,459
Somebody's
gotta tell him.
418
00:16:53,771 --> 00:16:55,565
I'm not
gonna do it.
419
00:16:55,566 --> 00:16:58,257
Yo, you guys are
much closer, okay?
You do it. You do it.
420
00:16:58,258 --> 00:16:59,776
Uh...
421
00:16:59,777 --> 00:17:02,330
I think she's doing
our job for us right now.
422
00:17:02,331 --> 00:17:04,263
What...
That's the new guy
from the Bulls.
423
00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:05,368
Yeah.
424
00:17:05,369 --> 00:17:06,748
Man, she works fast.
425
00:17:06,749 --> 00:17:08,164
You gotta do it, man.
I'm not doing it.
426
00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:10,166
Gotta do it.
Quick, like a Band-Aid.
Just do it.
427
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:11,789
No, you're doing it.
428
00:17:16,207 --> 00:17:17,345
Damn.
429
00:17:17,346 --> 00:17:19,278
Hey, roshambo?
I wanna play.
430
00:17:19,279 --> 00:17:21,073
The waitress
will be right here
with our drinks.
431
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,144
But remember,
this isn't Crowley's, okay?
432
00:17:23,145 --> 00:17:26,285
This place is big time,
so you better step up,
crank out a buck.
433
00:17:26,286 --> 00:17:28,046
Okay, Mike,
I'm gonna do
something now.
434
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:32,567
I want you to keep in mind
I'm doing this out of love,
435
00:17:32,568 --> 00:17:36,985
deepest regard for you,
for our relationship
as friends, and as men.
436
00:17:36,986 --> 00:17:38,678
Are you about
to whack me?
437
00:17:47,031 --> 00:17:48,859
Would you dudes
excuse me for a second?
438
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,345
Yeah.
Yeah.
439
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:57,972
You're a good
friend, Kenny.
440
00:17:57,973 --> 00:17:59,560
Had to be done.
441
00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:00,733
What's up, man?
442
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:03,322
I'll talk to you later,
all right.
443
00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:06,361
Hey, what's up
with the big guy?
444
00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:09,364
Mike,
we need to talk.
445
00:18:10,537 --> 00:18:11,779
Wow. That's...
446
00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:12,918
Tough.
Yeah.
447
00:18:12,919 --> 00:18:14,747
So tough.
448
00:18:14,748 --> 00:18:15,921
It's totally cool.
You're so sweet.
449
00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:17,096
Thanks.
450
00:18:21,514 --> 00:18:23,342
We don't have to leave
the Stadium Club, do we?
451
00:18:23,343 --> 00:18:24,585
I'm not going anywhere
till I get my beer.
452
00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:25,759
Me, too.
453
00:18:30,385 --> 00:18:31,799
Hey, Jack.
454
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,319
Not now, kiddo.
I am late for a buffet.
455
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,769
You took my story
on Hernando Garcia
456
00:18:36,770 --> 00:18:38,357
after you told me
not to write it.
457
00:18:38,358 --> 00:18:39,876
Yeah. You wish.
458
00:18:39,877 --> 00:18:42,120
"Cub fans will not
tolerate a prima
donna in the lineup.
459
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,605
"New cub is a total dick."
Those were my words.
460
00:18:44,606 --> 00:18:45,916
Whoa. Slow down.
461
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,332
See, you can't
write that column.
462
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:49,679
They would have you
covering tea parties
up in Kenilworth
463
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,681
if you penned
a column like that.
464
00:18:51,682 --> 00:18:54,270
You're a beat
writer, kiddo.
You do facts and stats.
465
00:18:54,271 --> 00:18:55,374
It doesn't mean
you can...
466
00:18:55,375 --> 00:18:56,479
You can't write
that kind of stuff.
467
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,205
Hey, P.J.
Yes?
468
00:18:58,206 --> 00:19:00,103
This must be
your lucky day.
469
00:19:00,104 --> 00:19:02,450
Hernando would like
an interview with you.
470
00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:04,866
You're friends
with a young
lady named Dani?
471
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:06,041
Yes.
472
00:19:07,111 --> 00:19:08,284
Yes, I am.
473
00:19:08,285 --> 00:19:09,906
He'll meet you
at his locker bay.
474
00:19:09,907 --> 00:19:11,770
Okay. I'll just be
there in a second.
475
00:19:11,771 --> 00:19:12,874
You gotta be
kidding me.
476
00:19:12,875 --> 00:19:14,290
I'm sorry.
You were saying?
477
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:16,533
You think you're
pretty slick, don't you?
478
00:19:16,534 --> 00:19:18,328
Kind of.
479
00:19:18,329 --> 00:19:20,676
I'll see you
later, kiddo.
480
00:19:26,372 --> 00:19:29,029
I'm P.J. Franklin,
Chicago Sun-Times.
481
00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:35,173
Do we... Interpreter?
482
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,210
I don't need one.
Do you?
483
00:19:40,593 --> 00:19:42,526
Please, come on.
Sit down.
484
00:19:50,327 --> 00:19:52,293
This is quite
a place you got here.
485
00:19:52,294 --> 00:19:53,846
It's a fixer-upper.
486
00:19:53,847 --> 00:19:56,987
Couple of curtains
and some paint...
You know.
487
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:59,093
Wow, that's a great
shirt you got there.
488
00:19:59,094 --> 00:20:01,958
Really? I got one in blue.
It was just a 2-for-1 sale.
489
00:20:01,959 --> 00:20:03,270
No. The color
looks great on you.
490
00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:05,030
You're trying
to flatter me.
491
00:20:05,031 --> 00:20:07,688
Any friend of Dani's
is a friend of mine.
492
00:20:07,689 --> 00:20:10,000
All right. So...
493
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:12,728
You're busy.
We'll just get
at the interview.
494
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,388
Sports section,
front page.
495
00:20:19,735 --> 00:20:21,943
Man, that is cool.
496
00:20:21,944 --> 00:20:24,739
And you know what?
Hernando's
actually a great guy.
497
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:26,776
Oh, my God.
498
00:20:26,777 --> 00:20:28,640
What? He was really nice,
all right?
499
00:20:28,641 --> 00:20:31,021
Are you kidding?
After all the flak you gave us
about hanging out with Dani?
500
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:34,611
What? He bats his eyes
at you and now you're a
fan of Hernando Garcia?
501
00:20:34,612 --> 00:20:36,130
All right, listen, guys.
If I don't fill
502
00:20:36,131 --> 00:20:37,580
my broken heart
with alcohol very soon,
503
00:20:37,581 --> 00:20:40,134
I'm going to
start crying.
Please.
504
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:42,067
No, you know what?
I'm really sorry.
505
00:20:42,068 --> 00:20:44,587
Dani was very pretty.
506
00:20:44,588 --> 00:20:47,348
No, I mean,
she was perfect.
507
00:20:47,349 --> 00:20:50,006
Hey, look,
I know Dani made you
feel like a rock star,
508
00:20:50,007 --> 00:20:52,319
but you are
a rock star, okay?
509
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,770
You gotta find yourself
a girl who's, you know, real.
510
00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:58,601
Find a nice girl
from Naperville.
511
00:20:58,602 --> 00:21:00,292
I know, but how am I
supposed to do that?
512
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,881
How about
nicegirlfromnaperville.com?
513
00:21:02,882 --> 00:21:04,572
Seriously, we're going
to dot-com jokes now?
514
00:21:04,573 --> 00:21:05,849
It'll all I had.
I'm sorry.
515
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:07,057
Okay, okay.
Who needs?
516
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:08,818
I need, please.
I need.
517
00:21:08,819 --> 00:21:13,271
I do, too. Andy,
a lovely Riesling or perhaps
a full-bodied Merlot?
518
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,824
You know,
I've come to
the conclusion
519
00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:17,930
after weeks and weeks
of extensive research
520
00:21:17,931 --> 00:21:20,278
that wine is dumb.
521
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,349
Get me a beer,
any beer.
Nicely put.
522
00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:25,869
Okay, so,
Hernando's a dick,
but he wasn't a dick to me.
523
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:27,802
And I guess that's the thing
about superstars.
524
00:21:27,803 --> 00:21:30,805
It's completely unfair,
but we put up with it,
525
00:21:30,806 --> 00:21:34,569
because when we're
in their presence,
we get to feel like one, too.
39617
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