Original subtitles

Frankie and Johnny were lovers.

Oh, Lordy, how they could love.

They promised to be true to each other, just as true as the stars above.

He was her man, and he would never do her wrong.

Frankie and Johnny were lovers.

Oh, Lordy, how they could love.

They swore they'd be true to each other.

Just as true as the stars above.

He was a man, but he'd done her wrong.

Oh,

Frankie, she was a good woman.

Johnny, he was.

Frank gets down to the corner just for a bucket of beer.

Frank gets down to the bartender. Has my lovin 'est man been here?

He was a man, but he done hoed wrong.

I don't want to cause any trouble.

I don't want to tell...

she just got

Someday you're gonna wind up

Stay in the blue

Someday

You're not leaving early again today, are you?

We're supposed to... I don't care what I said we were going to do.

Now I have to go make some structural tests on the computer, and it doesn't

with me like you do.

So just kindly bug off.

Well, if that's the way you feel about it, Mr. Speed Demon, then just get the

hell out...

you think you're so hot.

Every night you come walking in here at three o 'clock in the morning, and

that's okay, because you're a big star.

Well, I don't give a damn.

I got things to do, and I intend to do them.

And you and your career and everything else, screw it!

don't you wonder why you feel the way you do when your best friend lets you

there ain't no reason for you to feel free and easy

when your best friend lets you down

Okay.

Kitchy -coo.

Frankie, what are you doing here? Now, Frankie, I got work to do.

Come on, Johnny, I miss you. I haven't seen you in at least two hours.

You believe that?

What a pain in the ass.

Come on, Johnny, the recording got called off. The drummer got sick.

Where's Jerry?

Oh, he had to go to IBM this morning.

But he'll be back this afternoon.

Why?

I just thought... I'm sorry about this morning, Johnny.

I'm selfish, I know.

Sure is a good thing you're so good looking.

Come on, just give me an hour to finish this job and then we'll go to lunch,

okay?

Oh, come on, honey.

Just go sit over there, huh? Go ahead.

Johnny? Johnny?

Huh?

Johnny, look.

Come on, Frankie.

I'm almost done. Just give me a minute.

I'm so horny this morning. We didn't ball, remember?

Aw, Frankie, for crying out loud.

Johnny, you want some love?

Aw, Frankie, come on. I've got to get this done or poof. No 30 grand for my

safety car.

Johnny,

take me from the back.

I want to feel that hot rod of yours slide up me.

Frankie, for God's sakes.

Look, Johnny, let me see it. Nobody's here. Let me hold it. Frankie,

you're going to make me mess up this problem.

That's not all I want you to mess up.

Oh, Frankie.

That really feels nice.

Frankie, let's do this right.

Frankie, you're really funny.

Johnny, take me from the back.

Okay.

Turn around.

Oh, boy. There they go.

Oh, boy. There they go.

Johnny, you fell out.

That's okay. I'll put it back in.

Oh, yeah? Catch me first.

Hey, honey, don't run. You might break something.

Oh, Johnny, you're such a poo.

Frankie, come over here and give me some love.

You've got to wash it first.

Do it with your lips.

Okay.

Oh,

oh, Frankie.

Oh, oh.

I'm coming.

Drink it, Frankie. Drink it.

Drink it, babe.

Frankie,

you've done it again, huh?

You completely made me forget about that problem that I was working on.

Now here, let me get back and try to finish it, okay?

Mind

if

I play with myself while you're working?

Not at all.

Go right ahead.

me, Johnny.

Oh, now it's all messed up.

It's going to break.

I know the car's going to break.

I just know it.

Why doesn't that big brain of yours have a vibrator? That would be really neat.

Oh, come on, Johnny. Give me some love.

Come on.

Oh, Johnny, who cares about that stupid old car anyway?

How you doing, Alice?

What are you doing way out here?

Hi, Johnny.

I was just on my way over to Frankie's house, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah, but my fuel line broke. Hey, why don't you give me a little kiss,

huh, sugar?

What's that?

Fresh kiss.

Okay.

Yeah?

Frankie phoned me last night.

Yeah? She said that you were coming back, and she wants us all to get

for a sort of a welcome home party.

Yeah, I know.

Well, look, come on, let's get out of here.

Alice, why are we stopping here?

Let's sit and talk for a moment.

About what?

Oh, whatever.

Oh, okay.

You got 30 grand?

No, but I've got nice tits.

You know, Alice, you know you're really too much, you know that?

You really, really are.

Oh, you remember that first night?

Yes, Johnny, I do remember the first and the last night.

Oh, come on, Alice.

Frankie told me she'd break up with me even if I looked at you again.

Oh, and she's so bossy and everything.

I like your wig, I really do.

In reality, I...

Give me some of your beer. Give me that beer.

Well, how long have you been in town?

My name is Bald Eagle.

© BF -WATCH TV 2021

I like that he's showing up in rosy red.

Anyway,

I was working on the structural test today on the computer.

Mom.

I'm sorry.

I get so drunk, it's as fast as I... Do I know you?

No, no, that's quite all right. Hey, we're just trying to stop you.

You're going to need to hurry up, okay?

Anyway.

Hey, do you know Frankie?

No. I know you don't.

She's a big shot. She's a big singing star.

Yeah.

Uh,

it's her party, you big dummy.

Come on, you want to meet her?

Yeah, why not?

Okay. Look, uh, let me take care of this. I hope she'll be here, okay? I'm

sorry.

Women are free.

They can do as we please.

Women are free. Women are free.

Women are free.

Bush, I love the way you play. Let's make an album together.

How about it, love?

Okay, Justin.

Thanks.

Johnny.

I'm glad to meet you.

So

you're

a race car driver, huh?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, you can race up my tunnel many times, sweet me.

Yeah.

You're right.

You're cute.

Come on. I'll show you the rest of the house.

I could have bought a larger house, but I don't know.

This one seems enough for me.

Hey, listen.

Would you two like to see the view from the rear window?

Yeah, well, look, I've had kind of a lot to drink.

Would you mind if I saw the men's room first?

We've got to go potty.

Oh, Alice, would you close your flapping mouth?

It's at the top of the stairs, Johnny.

Okay, thanks a lot. I'll see you two in just a minute.

Alice, I don't know what you have up your sleeve, but I wish you'd just cool

Why don't we both ball him?

Alice, you're nuts.

Oh, come on, Frankie.

Come on.

I don't know. I've got a party going on.

Come on. It'll be fun. It really will.

Half an hour?

Okay. All right, all right.

He is good looking.

Maybe we'll see if he's hung that good, huh?

Well, uh -huh.

I feel a lot better now.

Why don't you all show me that view you were talking about?

Okay, right this way, Johnny.

Hey, girls, what goes?

We've got a surprise for you, Johnny boy.

We're going to R, A,

P, E. You, you, cutie pie, you.

Hey, now, you two girls are very funny, but why don't we just go back

downstairs?

Hey, Johnny, you are a race car driver, aren't you?

Yeah.

Well, then, how would you like to race around a couple of snatches?

Come on, Johnny boy.

Let's get it on.

You are my best friend, aren't you, Frankie?

Yes, Alice.

Well, then, I'm first.

Take it easy with a coat, will you? I got to leave here in a moment.

Come on, lover boy.

Let's see how that hot rod of yours works.

Shove it up, mate.

Come on, Johnny, just for the fun of it,

huh? Well, what about your party?

Oh, fuck it.

Well... If you girls want it, I got it.

Come on, lover boy.

I'm ready for you.

Thank you.

Do you like it, Johnny boy?

Sure I like it.

Hey, Frankie, why don't you join in?

Johnny, thank you, Hunter.

Thank you, Hunter.

Thank you, Hunter.

She passed out.

Yeah, she's really a nut.

So girls, beware if you don't love me.

I won't even care, I like two at a time. Did you like that?

Yes,

she's all right, but she's kind of too drunk to be any good.

Help me get her off the bed.

Oh, okay.

Good riddance.

Come here Johnny boy, you bring that beautiful body over here.

Johnny, don't make it with her again.

Be mine, huh?

I'll make it worth your while.

Oh, okay.

Damn. Come here.

Give me a little hug.

Why don't you give me a little hug? A big hug.

Look, Alice,

why don't we... Why don't we just get out of here and go to Frankie's? We're

early and we can get there and... You know, relax and do it right, okay?

The sooner the better.

Okay, here, move over, let me drive.

How do you start this? Okay.

Johnny, you know, I'm really surprised to see you.

Oh?

Did you know that Frankie's ex -husband, Ray, is trying to get her back?

Did you ever meet him?

Yeah.

I met him a long time ago.

You know, it seems that I've known Frankie for so long.

Almost my whole life, it seems.

Ah, but Frankie, she's so hung up on her thing. You know, all the things that

she's doing.

But I guess I am, too.

How are things going at the garage, honey?

Well, I don't know.

Yeah, I'm just so tired of working all those rinky -tink cars and listening to

my boss yell at me.

I know I could get it together if I could just work on my own car for a

You will.

Now, look, I'm sorry.

Why don't you try and cheer me up?

I'll see what I can do.

You sure do have big tits.

Well, what have we here?

Well, I didn't say I was that depressed.

Come on, come on, hon.

Okay.

This is radio station H -E -A -D coming to you from the crux of Hollywood.

Look, would you just knock that off and do it?

That's better.

Yeah, you really do have big tits.

Oh.

Stop it.

Look, you're going to make me cum if you keep on doing that.

Oh, okay.

Rider ready to mount.

Okay.

Riders, attention.

Prepare to mount.

Mount.

Okay, take it easy.

Yeah. Oh, God.

You almost made me cum that time.

I'm going to make you cum this time.

Oh, I'm ready.

Oh, it's down there.

Okay, Frankie. Oh, there.

Okay.

Oh,

Frankie.

Oh, Frankie.

I really love you,

Johnny.

I really do.

You've given me so much.

Oh, I'm nothing different.

You just like my big, uh, tongue.

Oh, shit.

Hello?

Ray?

My husband.

What, Ray?

You're coming over now?

Hey, wait a minute, Ray?

He hung up.

Look, honey, I'm getting dressed.

Hey, honey, you're not going anywhere.

Look, sugar, I don't want to stick around here and meet your husband.

Doesn't that make sense?

Shit you wait right here. I'll go get it

Hello

Ray is this your new lover

Speedy Casanova.

You keep your filthy hands off my wife or it's not going to be my fist that's

going to be poking you the next time. You understand?

Ray!

Ray!

Get up!

Ray! Get up!

Ray! You keep your stinking hands off him, Ray.

I am no longer your wife.

There's divorce papers waiting for you, big shot. What?

I'm not done with you yet, buddy.

Johnny.

Johnny.

Johnny.

Johnny, I love you, Johnny.

Alice, let me confide in you.

I'm seeing Frankie not so much for love, but for some money.

A lot of money.

$30 ,000, in fact.

Because I'm going to build the first safety car.

I can get a million dollars for all those patents.

I need Frankie.

And I need that money more than you'll ever know.

I know Frankie loves me.

And that's why she's going to give me the money.

She doesn't love Ray. She never has and she never will.

He's just got more money than her, that's all.

And that fascinates her.

She doesn't want Ray, I know that. She wants me and I need her.

Yeah, all 30 ,000 of her.

Hello, Frankie?

Frankie, please don't hang up.

Aw, Frankie.

Aw, honey, why don't you please see me?

I need you.

Listen, Johnny.

Johnny, I don't care.

Johnny, I warned you not to fuck me over.

Look, you've stolen from me, beat me.

Listen, buddy, you're a pain in the ass.

Johnny, I don't care.

Johnny.

Honey, I promise I won't let you down this time.

Okay.

Oh, that's terrific.

Okay, four o 'clock.

Okay, honey, I'll see you at four.

I love you.

Johnny?

Johnny?

Boy, you are really on a trip today.

Why don't we listen to some music?

May I turn on the radio?

Sure, why not? It's your car.

You mean my piece of junk.

Direct from Hollywood, it's Frankie Lee with her newest hit.

Hey, will you turn that damn thing off?

God.

I don't care.

I really don't care.

Come on, driver.

Drive faster.

All right.

You know, I really need you, Johnny.

Here, I need you too, honey.

Johnny, look at that deserted island.

Let's stop there and do it right.

More early.

Come on.

No.

What do you do when your best friend lets you down? What can you say to

around? What do you do when your best friend lets you down?

What can you say to anyone around?

Someday you're going to wind up hanging loose.

Johnny, let me down.

Let me down or I'm going to scream. Well, scream then.

Johnny?

Johnny?

Johnny, can you hear me?

Oh, Frankie.

Thank God you came.

I really lost up that turn, didn't I?

Come here.

Give me a kiss.

Stay right where you are, honey.

I was so worried.

The radio said you were hurt seriously.

Nah.

I just busted out my hands and friggin' told my car.

Damn.

I can't even beat off anymore.

That's all right. I'll do it for you.

Yeah, I'll bet you would.

Sure would.

Here, let's pull the covers back.

Frankie, stop it!

Oh.

You didn't get hurt there, Annie.

You've gotten bigger.

Ah, it's getting bigger now.

Frankie, if somebody came in here right now, we'd both be embarrassed.

Oh. Now stop it, Frankie.

My,

are you hard.

Now, Frankie, if anybody comes through that door, I don't want you to stop no

matter what, okay?

We'll just tell them it's physical therapy.

Hey, Frankie, why are we stopping at this old dump for?

This is Alice's car.

Frankie, are you sure you want to see Johnny? Don't worry. He won't let me

What?

Frankie!

Frankie! I'm sorry.

I can explain everything.

I told you to meet me today.

I waited two friggin' hours for you today.

I had an appointment and I couldn't phone you.

Don't give me any shit, woman.

Johnny, you leave me alone.

Stay away from me. Go on.

Shut up. You're going to start doing what I tell you to do.

Johnny, you better get out of here.

Don't you tell me what to do, you dumb bitch!

You fucker.

You feel free and easy when your best friend lets you down.

What do you do when your best friend lets you down? What can you say to

around?

What do you do when your best friend lets you down? What can you say to

around?

Mr. Ellis, your car designing is, well, how can I say it, rather unique.

Your past two designs have apparently not paid off in either concept or money.

No, I'm sorry, Mr. Ellis.

But I've been advised by our foundation's funding board to require

equal amount of money to that which our foundation is funding.

But, sir, I have to finish the car in two months for the Toronto Transpo show.

I don't know how I can come up with that amount of money that fast.

I'm sorry, Mr. Ellis. The situation is quite out of my control.

Am I out of control?

Am I out of control?

Out of control?

Out of control?

Out of control?

Out of control?

Out of control?

Frankie, stop!

Frankie, please come back to me.

Hey, there's no reason to look back.

I need you.

I've always loved you.

I was with you before either of us were so well off.

Look at this.

Big shots.

We did it.

We won that little fight.

Come on.

Forget about your Johnny.

What do you want with him anyway?

Give us the fast cars you like. I'll buy you a whole team of Ferraris.

He's nothing but a stupid car junkie, and you're a beautiful queen.

Can't you see that I want you?

Frankie, please.

Please love me.

Please love me.

Please love me.

Please love me.

Please love me.

Should I go back? Should I go back?

Should I go back?

Should I go back?

Should I go back?

Should I go back?

Should I go back?

Frankie!

Frankie, please stop! Frankie!

Come back to me, Frankie!

He's singing right now.

Give me about a half hour.

Yeah.

Hey.

You still got that big negligee?

This story has no meaning.

This story has no end.

This story only goes to show that there ain't no good in men.

Oh.

David Bates.

Speak up, kid. Are you David Bates?

Is this 3245 Dello Street in Cucamonga, California?

U .S. of A?

Right on.

You, uh, you can't talk, can you?

Cat got your tongue?

Well, say something.

What lamp?

The magic lamp you just rubbed. No, the lamp that I just made in my rather

marvelous appearance.

I realize that I'm rather awesome and godlike, but you don't have to be scared

shitless. Who are you?

Boy, I got a winner this time.

I am the genie from the magic lamp and all that crap you ding -a -ling.

Now, where's the lamp you just rubbed?

I didn't rub any lamp.

Don't shit me, kid. You must have rubbed the lamp.

I didn't.

But what did you rub?

I didn't rub anything.

Oh, boy.

Maybe it was a bottle. Sometimes I'm assigned to a bottle.

I didn't rub a bottle.

Urn. That's what it was. How about an urn?

Now, look, kid, you must have rubbed something.

I don't just appear. I got to be rubbed in.

Now, think carefully.

I know you can.

Why do I always get stuck with these dumbass kids?

First Aladdin, now this retarded so -and -so.

You must remember rubbing something.

Well.

Well? Well, just this.

Holy mackerel, you mean to tell me the smoke came out of it?

By the great balls of the prophet, I thought it felt a little damp for a

Would you tell me what's going on around here?

Say what?

What's going on around here?

Boy, you are a slow one, aren't you?

All right, I'll tell you.

I'm going to explain it to you carefully and use simple words.

I am a genie.

I have been reassigned to your lamp.

And you are my master.

I must do you a bidding.

But man, there's been a raw fuck -up around here somewhere.

Something must have short -circuited the continent.

I've got to put a trace on that lamp.

You sure you don't have a lamp? Yeah.

I'm sure.

What do you mean I'm your master?

Just as I said, Master Bates.

For instance, if you're tired of fucking your fists, you can command me to fetch

you a beautiful and willing girl.

Now, how about it, Master Bates? Would you knock off the Master Bates bit?

It's not funny.

My name is David.

Yeah, and my name is Goliath. Now, do you want a piece of ass or not?

Well, I don't think. I mean...

You know.

Holy mackerel there. You mean to sit there and tell me that you're a virgin?

Of course not.

I've done it hundreds of times.

Oh, don't shit me, kid.

In my day, if you didn't have your first piece of ass by the time you were 12,

you would hustle off to a monastery.

Now, come on and trust me.

Try it. You'll like it.

Well, boy, this is the first time I ever had to talk my master into a piece of

ass. The very first thing Aladdin asked for was 50 ham grills and a palace for

each one of them.

Now, come on and get out of here, kid, before you turn into a prune.

Well,

Master Bites, I mean David, sir, does this meet with your approval?

Well, it's different.

This is my first palace.

And now, a little something for you, Davey boy.

May I present Bathsheba.

Wow.

David Bethsheba.

Oh, you are weird, aren't you?

Hmm.

And now, a little something for myself.

The one and only Fatima.

And now, a little something to snack on.

Is there someone here that wants to eat me?

Oops.

Actually, I had food in mind.

But you'll do.

David, this is delightful, delicious, delightful.

Sam's son and Delilah.

Kid, you get weirder and weirder every day.

Are they for real?

What you see is what you get.

Far out.

I think I better whip up some real food around here.

Oh.

Bye.

Look. Look.

Look.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh.

Bye.

What?

Go.

Oh,

no.

this kid.

I take it that that means yes.

Thank the great prophet.

Hey, watch out or you're going to drown me.

Don't be such a worrywart.

You won't be needing me anymore.

I think I'm going to get some sleep.

Very well, my

That's enough for tonight.

Go put your bloomers back on.

Oh, that's mighty white of you, kid.

Yeah.

Gesundheit.

Oh.

Hi.

You're in my history class, aren't you?

Yes, with Goosh, fourth period.

Your name is, um... Kathy Collins. You're right, I'm, uh... David Bates.

I'm really a klutz with names, you know. Even with your own?

Yeah, well...

I laid awake half the night one time trying to remember Victor Mature's name.

Why Victor Mature?

I don't know. I thought of him for some reason.

Then I couldn't remember his name.

Then I couldn't get to sleep until I thought of it.

It's kind of heavy.

Kind of dumb.

Am I bugging you?

Are you studying?

Yes, I was.

But no, you're not.

I've got an algebra test this afternoon.

Are you? My algebra class? No, I've got Mr.

Friedman's sixth period.

You know, the faggy flowered shirts and the... Witch cologne.

He's got all the football players in his class.

He'll pass them, no matter how stupid they are. I've got Miss Marlowe.

Oh, I hear she's a dragon lady.

Yeah, you should see my singed eyebrows.

You'd better get to studying, then. She's giving a test, too, isn't she?

No originality. One gives a test, and they all give a test.

Would you like a bite?

Huh?

Oh, your apple.

Hey, would you like a Coke or something?

Sure. Back in a flash.

Don't go away.

You want me to use my vast and awesome power for Coke's master base?

You got no imagination.

How about a palace made of gold?

How about a number two wash tub filled with diamonds?

How about a... I want a couple of Cokes.

Man, you really know how to impress a chick.

No, no, sweet.

Cokes. All I want are Cokes.

Thanks. Right on, Sahib.

Have fun.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

There you go.

What have you got hidden behind the bushes?

Your own private A &P?

Hey, you want to go to the movies tonight?

Clint Eastwood's new picture just opened up yesterday.

Unless you've already seen it. No, I haven't seen it.

I'd love to go with you.

Out of sight.

Hey, we better get to studying.

Hey, the flick doesn't start till seven.

You want to go over my house and listen to some records or do something or go

somewhere?

Sure. Where would you like to go?

Where would you like to go?

Why don't we go for a walk?

I'll tell you the story of my life and you can tell me the story of yours.

You know, Kathy loves David.

And David loves Kathy.

We go together, baby, like castles and kings.

Birds of a feather to robins and springs.

We like the same things that makes living sweet.

And we love, we love this night movie.

I want to tell you

I thought after last night you wouldn't be so full of piss and vinegar.

Is it my fault that I asked to live in your prick?

Well, you could have stayed in there. You didn't have to come out.

Look, kid, you still don't understand.

There's nothing I can do about it.

When I'm rubbed, I turn into a cloud of smoke. It's automatic.

It's pragmatic. It's oximatic.

Did you know you were scratching?

Of course I knew I was scratching.

Do you know why you're scratching? Yeah, I itch.

Do you know why you itch?

No. You are in a patch of Rua's raticans.

Huh?

Poison ivy.

Well, do something.

It's not nice to fool, Mother Nature.

Here we are.

Your private palace playroom.

Now, don't you think this is better than that Tarzan bit?

What about Jane? I mean, Kathy.

Does she know about you now?

She won't remember a thing.

You don't have to stay, do you?

Oh, no.

Of course not.

I'll just mosey on down to your mother's house and have some of those black

chip, I mean chocolate chip cookies.

Have fun.

Goliath, do other people have genies, or am I just lucky?

Sure. Huey Hefner, Howie Hughes, Harold Robbins.

Lots of people have.

But they had lamps, kid.

That's the secret word, lamps.

Well, why don't you move out of my prep and move into the tea kettle, or the

coffee pot, or the pepper mill? Pepper mill, with my finest.

I'll even get you a lamp. Look, kid, it's not that simple.

There are regulations.

There are rules.

And there are procedures.

And I am beginning to suspect connections with the mafia.

But you just keep a tight ass.

I'm working on it.

I wish you'd hurry up. You better get back in. My parents will be home any

minute.

Well, who's the master around here?

Yes, sir, boss.

Listen, Simon Legree.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I've got some paperwork to get out, but you're a nice kid. Yeah, a little slow,

but I like you.

So I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to give you a wish.

Yeah?

Yeah, I don't have to, you understand. It's strictly a fringe benefit.

As soon as I hear the words, I wish, I'll grant. You understand?

I hope so. I don't like these absentee wishes.

But remember, I won't be there to help you if you do something stupid.

And I'm only going to give you one.

I wouldn't be giving you any at all, but I'm tired of these constant

interruptions. And kingfish.

The next time you have to rub, would you do it when you're not soaking wet?

Okay.

Right on, brother.

I wish you'd cut your toenails. The devil made me do it.

I'm home, my dad.

God, that guy gets weirder every day.

Take that, dear.

No.

What do you want for dinner?

You know what you promised me for dessert.

Only to eat our vegetables.

Stop it, Sam.

I can't believe I'm going to eat the whole thing.

Oh, that's nothing. You know Mary Jane Lassiter?

Mary Jane?

Man, Mary Jane wouldn't ball you if you had a solid gold dick and came in

Spanish to me.

That shows you what you know, Rick.

Last night she sneaked into my room, wanted to suck and fuck all night.

I barely got rid of her in time to go to school.

Almost fell asleep in history class.

That's not why you almost fell asleep, man. You were up all night beating your

knee.

Oh, you're an idiot.

Yeah, only five fingers.

Speaking of history class, Davey, old chum, you can't be counting on me

on a tight knee, can you?

Yeah, we'll be kind of getting it together.

Hey, you been getting any pussy yet?

Shut your fucking mouth, Scotty. You make me sick.

Hey, come on, Dave.

Hey, we didn't mean to...

Come on, I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat, man.

Yeah, come on, let's go get a hamburger, man.

How about it? Come on, come on.

Can't see my face, George.

All right, you kids. Get in the car. Get in. Move that.

Move that. Move it!

Where are you taking us?

Shut up, kid.

What are you doing over there?

Nothing, sir.

Oh, boy, shit.

Look at that casket. It's nearly empty.

Just sail this casket and the motherfucker falls.

Let's go. Class, George.

We're seeing too many James Cagney movies.

You never see Eddie or Bogey driving a Pinto getaway car.

I wish.

I wish.

What do you wish, punk? Nothing, sir.

I know what I wish. I wish we had a small car.

Spike, what are you... Snap out of it, Spike.

What happened to our car, George?

Spike, you idiot.

Will you wake up? George.

What happened to our car?

All right, get in there.

Come on.

Over on the couch.

Here, Spike.

Time up.

Hey, man, like, uh, what happened to the other car?

I don't want to talk about it, Bonnie. What are these kids doing here?

I don't want to talk about it, Bonnie. Have you guys lost your models?

We don't want to talk about it, Bonnie.

Finish tying them up, Spike.

I'm going to go count the money.

What do you think they're going to do to us?

I have a good idea.

You kids shut up over there.

Yes, sir.

What's a genie? A genie? A genie named Goliath. You know, like the one in

Aladdin's Lamp.

Oh, yeah.

David and Goliath.

You've been pulling out too many joints.

How did you know that?

Wish I had one now.

Oh, you mean grass.

Yeah, I suppose you got Aladdin's Lamp, too.

I know. I told you that was a good mix -up.

I'm going to twist my own study before they finish counting the money. What do

you want me to do?

I said, I'm sorry. What?

Nothing, sir, sir.

Get us around, Scotty. What do you want me to do?

God damn it, I told you to unzip my fly. What?

What do

you want me to unzip your zipper?

Jeannie. Jeannie.

Do you have a jeannie in your pants? Yes.

I thought jeans weren't real. I told you there was some kind of mix -up. And I

tossed around and I zipped my fly before they finished. Money in the pool?

Where are you?

What are you doing, Scotty?

Man.

Pull my brick! Pull my brick!

Listen, boys.

I'm not really a bad guy, you know.

I don't like to kill kids.

But you know too much.

I got it.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I just got it.

You understand, don't you? I just got it.

Geez, George, the cops, the cops.

Hurry up before they come back.

This is no time for fucking around.

For God's sake, Scotty, do it. I said it, I'll shoot you myself.

Hurry up.

They're coming back.

What do you want me to do? Rap it.

For God's sake. It was only an ambulance, you idiot. Come on, Scotty,

Come on, do it, do it, do it. What the fuck are you doing?

You want me to rub him off. I mean, jerk him off before you killed us. You what?

How sweet.

Yeah, I'm very horny.

Are you kids nuts or something?

I think it's cute.

You wouldn't be dreading condemning his last wish, would you? I never heard of

anything so screwy, George.

He should. I mean, he comes fast. It'll only take a few minutes.

Yeah, I'm very horny. Go ahead, Scotty. Wait a minute, boys.

I think I can solve your problem as a...

Well is mine.

Have you booked that crazy?

What happened to the team?

I don't know.

Look out, George.

Now, look, kid.

There's something you've got to learn about the genie business.

You just don't let anybody know you got one.

Otherwise, somebody's shithead will steal your lamp. You've got to keep it a

secret. Well, in your case, I guess that don't apply.

You got a problem, kid?

Yeah. They were going to kill him. Oh, really?

Frank, get in there.

Kill him.

Tear his head off.

Don't you want one for yourself?

Nah. I think I'll just sit here and see how these two bullshitters operate.

Don't you have anything on your mind besides girls?

Don't you want a palace?

Jewels? Gold?

Arabian carriages?

How about a solid gold Spiral Agnew wristwatch?

Nah. You could get me a camera so I can preserve this for the Smithsonian

Institute. And can't we go someplace a little drier?

I didn't see Scotty last night.

You mean you two didn't fuck all night?

I wouldn't bother him if he had a solid gold dick and came in Spanish to bloom.

Don't you think Scotty has sexy eyes?

Reminds me of a cotter's fanny.

I mean, ooh, the bedroom eyes.

What about his teeth?

I'd seem better in a glass of water.

I mean, ooh, I can just feel myself being eaten up.

How about that gorgeous body?

Oh, it reminds me of when I saw a bottle of alcohol at the carnival.

I mean, I just wanted every square inch of it.

And how about that cock?

USDA choice, huh?

Oh, yeah, Vienna sausage.

I mean, I'm just starting a prime standing roast.

He doesn't have to convince me that your eyes affect me.

Hi, Barbara.

Or that you've got sickly teeth.

I didn't think you'd ever notice me.

Your body gives me goosebumps all over.

Will you go with me to the senior prom?

Okay.

Look at the eyes and the teeth and the body, by the way.

Barbara?

Barbara?

If you'll excuse me, I think I'll take in a movie. Yeah.

They're having a Sabu film festival in Hollywood.

Today is the Thieves of Baghdad and the Arabian Nights.

Of course, I would technically advise on both pictures.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

They won't remember anything. Company policy.

You understand.

On your own protection, okay?

Have fun.

That's my cousin, that dude.

He's a green sheep of the family.

Oh! Oh!

Oh. Oh.

No.

No.

No.

No. No.

Hey, Goliath.

Oh, Jeannie with the dark brown ass, where are you?

Are you back in there? I'll get you out.

Ow!

What do you want now?

I thought we were just about to rescue Maria Montez and turn face.

And what are you doing there?

I was at the movies, not in your brick. The devil made me do it.

Oh, I'm not a well man.

Okay, okay, let's make it quick. I don't want to miss the rest of the picture.

Last note, Fer.

All's fair in love and movie going. Nobody likes an uppity genie.

Hey, why don't you get rid of this wild button? I'm joining you at the movies.

Yeah.

Good afternoon, boys and girls.

As I told you yesterday, instead of our regular history lesson, we're going to

see the film I made of my camping trip in Canada.

How many of you have been camping?

Good,

good. Then you all know what a marvelous experience it is to commune with

nature, to hear the birds sing, to see the forest burst. with color, to revel

in the flora and fauna.

Harold, would you turn on the projector, please?

And lights, too.

This lovely little dell is where we camp the first night.

It's so absolutely marvelous to live with nature.

No electricity, no newspapers, no telephone, no TV, no distractions of the

hectic modern world. To be alone with Mother Nature.

Oh, Mother, that's nature. Lead me to it. The area was full of animal life.

Squirrels, raccoons, possums, deer.

And mountains.

Rabbits. I even saw the tracks of a bear.

In fact...

The campsite I chose was so fortuitous that I decided to remain there for the

duration.

That... That's Mr. Davis, the Canadian Mountie.

I met him quite by accident the first day I arrived.

He was most helpful in showing me the most interesting attractions of the

He even... Class.

He even brought along an extra horse so we could explore further from the

campsite. I wonder who the ranger really was riding.

I know how to find out.

Is someone smoking in here?

No.

Well, see that you don't. You know it's against the rules.

What did I tell you about some of me when there are people around?

Sorry.

What do you want?

Well, do something about Miss Gooch's film.

Let us see what really happened on her vacation.

You also seem to be turning into quite a voyeur.

Kid, you've got one track mind.

Well, here you go.

He showed me all about flies.

He was really a very nice young man. A real credit to the service.

How far out.

School teacher.

School teacher.

He let me use his rod and he taught me the proper way to cast.

He was really an expert with a rod.

I think the Mountie rather took a special interest in me.

He taught me how to mount properly, how to stay in the saddle for long periods

without coming down with saddle sores.

He taught me the proper way to

dismount without tangling the stirrup. I must say, I really developed a taste

for horse flesh.

Although I was a little nervous at first, never having ridden before, the

Mountie soon put me at ease.

He had such a marvelous way with horses.

He almost thought like a horse.

I'm close.

I'm glad you finally decided to ask for something besides sex. It was getting

very boring, David. Take that Aladdin.

Talking about one -track minds.

He had a palace in Baghdad, a palace... of Marrakesh, a palace in Tunis, a

palace here, a palace there, palaces all over the place. And all of them solid

gold. That kid was so hung up on palaces half his harem died virgins.

But at least I didn't have to live in his cottage.

Speaking of which, when are you moving out?

You know how it is with bureaucracy, kid.

Lots of red tape.

I've been filling out forms in triplicate for days.

Well, why don't you pop back in again? I want to pick up that hitchhiker.

And don't move around so much in there. You're giving me a double hernia.

Y 'all's are both.

Where you going?

Wherever you are, sweetie.

Ow.

Oh, don't be a meanie, Matilda, baby. I wish you wouldn't do that with your

pants closed. I'm getting zipper marks all over me.

Sorry. I didn't do it. He did.

Oh, really?

How fortunate.

If you don't want him, I do.

What are you going to do with him?

In my day, it was socially acceptable to have boys as well as girls.

Of course, he is a little old.

Now let's cut this crap, Goliath. It's too goddamn hot to be fucking around

this. Kid, you're getting a little too big for your britches. I'm going to have

to give you a little more education.

Goodness, Mary, how do you travel?

Here we are again, back in your private palace playroom.

Are we going to play, sweetie?

Well, how about it, Davey boy?

You want to make a threesome?

Are you kidding?

Uh -uh, Goliath, that just ain't my bag. I think I'm going to just browse around

and check my palace out.

Okay, sweetie, I'm going to turn your ass around.

Goodness gracious Mary Matilda. Oh.

Do me.

Do me. Do me. Do me.

Do.

Do do.

As we say at Gay Lib.

Hard on brother.

Goodness gracious.

Great balls of fire.

I got to give you my title.

What are you doing? You're going to turn your ass inside out. I'm going to make

your ass feel like 10 kisses.

Yeah, you like that, huh? Huh?

Huh? Double time, double time, double time. Woo, that asshole looks good. Whip

it, baby. Whip it, whip it, baby.

Yeah.

Whop it, whop it.

a little tight ass, but nobody gets my big black ass.

I'm going to whip a woman on you.

Have fun.

Hey, Mom, when's breakfast? I've got a date with Kathy.

Davey, if you want breakfast in the next half hour, you're going to have to get

it yourself.

Okay, Mom, take your time.

What about daddy's breakfast?

Sam, baby's up.

Yeah, but daddy's is up too.

Sam.

Martha.

Martha.

Martha.

Martha.

Morning, Mom. Morning, Dad.

Oh, David, how nice.

Yeah. Good morning, David.

Morning, Dad.

That looks pretty good.

Your new car's very pretty, David.

Thanks.

Yeah.

If it's not too much of a secret, would you mind telling us where you got it?

I saved up for it. Out of my lines.

That was very thrifty of you, dear.

I think the toast is burning.

Hey, Goliath.

What are you doing?

Hey, this is my first palace, isn't it?

And what are you doing? I didn't rub for you.

I know, Davy.

But I've got to talk to you.

You better sit down for this.

Hold that.

You're the best damn master I ever had, Davy.

I don't think I've ever enjoyed an assignment more. More than you.

But I've got to be leaving, man.

Can you do that?

Well, it is against the rules.

But things are changing. We're even picketing King Solomon. We want to clear

the dead without administration so there won't be any more fuck -ups like that.

Well, if you have to go, Goliath, I'm going to miss you.

I mean, we had a lot of fun.

Sure have, Davey.

Well, I've got to be going.

Goliath, I don't want you to go.

We're more than just... I mean, we're friends.

I know, Davey boy.

But I've got things to do.

Wrongs to right.

The intergalactic brotherhood of genius amalgamators is just filled with

chicanery. Davey?

Davey? Goliath.

Davey? I hear Kathy.

Send me to her and don't go away. Promise?

Okay. Send me to her.

Davey?

Davey? What are you doing? Davey?

I've got something unbelievable to tell you. What?

Oh, hello.

Don't I know you?

Uh, he's a very good friend of mine, honey.

Haven't we met before?

I don't think you remember.

I promise, honey. I'll tell you about it someday.

Davey, I've got to talk to you.

Me? How did you get to this place?

That's what I got to talk to you about.

Well, go ahead.

It's okay, Davey. I can take the hint.

I'll meet you in the West Wing.

Just rub when you're ready.

Oh, yes, daily boy.

You can keep the car in the palace.

It's going away present. And remember, the real thing is always better than

something you zap up.

Something very strange has happened to me. What, honey?

I don't quite know how to tell you. For Christ's sakes, Kathy.

Honey, don't be mad at me. I'm not mad.

This morning I was taking a bath, you know.

And I was washing, you know.

You know what a douche is, don't you?

Oh, damn.

This morning I was washing, and suddenly smoke starts pouring out, and this

genie appears.

What? I know it's hard to believe, but David Bates.

I'm not making this up.

Oh, honey, I'm not laughing at you.

Well, what then?

I just had a very traumatic experience.

Who do you think he was?

What are you talking about?

That's my genie. He's Goliath. So he's Goliath.

What do you mean?

That's all she's been talking about.

Who?

Samantha. My genie.

Wow.

If she likes him, and he likes her... Yeah?

Then why don't we put ours together?

Yeah, Davey. Yeah.

Hey, car out.

Yes.

Well, Goliath, you're going to become the Bloomer Crusader.

No way, man.

That City Hall's thinking to his own shit.

He couldn't get me out of here with a stick of dynamite. What did I tell you?

I'm beautiful.

Damn, what a fox.

Hello, beautiful.

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

Once, but I don't think you'd remember.

You know, you make me think of bad things. Baby, I took my bath today.

I sure would like to see more of you. I told you it would work.

It's fantastic.

Okay, thing.

Do your thing.

Why, you devil.

You know it takes two to tango.

Come on, Muff.

Do your stuff.

Hold on there.

You're a woman after my own heart.

Come here, baby, and let me sock it to you. Baby, I'm going to sock it on you.

Shall we go?

Sure, but what are we going to do with them?

We're going to have a ball.

A real bitchin' ball.

Come on, baby. Let's go somewhere else.

Hey, Davey, Kathy, you want to come along?

Yeah.