Original subtitles

It's so exhausting being this gorgeous.

I'm the most beautiful woman in all of

the lands.

And I have been for a very, very

long time.

I really have been defining beauty for so

long.

I don't even know why I need to

ask, but I might as well just for

fun.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sexiest

of them all?

Hello, what's taking so long?

Hold.

A lovely teen I see.

She's got a gentle grace.

Might be prettier than thee.

Mirror, take me to her now!

Bye sleepy, bye horny, bye grumpy, bye drooly.

Don't worry, I'll be fine here by myself.

So you must be Snow White.

Who are you?

I'm the queen.

Oh, hi.

Nice to meet you, your majesty.

Where'd you get this mirror from?

Is it magic?

Why yes, yes it is.

This place isn't going to magically clean itself.

Now get to it!

I'm going to show you a little more

magic.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, let's decide once

and for all.

Bring in here who can decide.

Who's the sexiest one alive?

Oh, your majesty.

It is an honour.

What brings me here?

You're here to decide who's sexier, me or

her.

Well, you guys are both so sexy.

In order to have an honest and substantial

decision, I must run a lot of tests

between you two.

Well, get to it and you, get back

to work.

This will help me win.

I can't wait to make my potion.

It'll ensure that I win.

You're doing a terrible job.

Clean better.

Um, okay, I'm sorry.

Don't say sorry, just do it.

You're doing a terrible job.

I want this place spotless.

I want it immaculate.

It is so disgusting.

It's putrid.

Okay, is this a little bit better?

Slightly, I wouldn't say much.

Keep going.

I want it thoroughly cleaned.

Okay.

Every last speck of dust needs to be

cleaned up.

I'm going.

You better be.

Keep going, peasant.

So where did you come from again?

I'm from a kingdom not too far from

here.

It is truly an honour to be in

your presence, your highness.

I've been really looking forward to meeting you.

Well, of course it's an honour.

I'm the queen.

Anyone would be honoured to be in my

presence.

I do concur, your highness.

Everyone in the kingdom looks up to you.

You're just so graceful and powerful.

Oh, believe me, I know.

You're just lucky that I'm letting you bask

in my presence.

Keep going with that broom and don't get

it so close to the candle.

If you start a fire, I'm going to

be furious.

I'm doing my best.

Well, try harder.

I think it needs a little bit more

of this.

Keep cleaning, peasant.

Get all of that off the floor.

That is so disgusting.

What is even wrong with your friends?

Why are they like this and why is

everything in here so small?

I don't know.

I haven't really asked them.

This town is so absolutely annoying.

I can't believe it's filled with so many

village idiots.

Is your palace as idiotic, prince?

Well, our education system is going very well

lately.

You know, SAT scores are pretty high.

I guess that's decent.

So, Snow, why is this place filled with

so many tiny things?

Why is everything so small and pathetic?

Oh, that's because my friends the dwarves, they're

really little.

Those people?

Yeah, they're really nice.

There's Sleepy.

He sleeps a lot.

There's Sneezy.

He sneezes a lot.

There's Grumpy.

He's mad a lot.

And there's Horny.

He fucks a lot.

Wow.

That's a lot of useless information that I

didn't need.

Well, it seems I've made my first decision.

And what is it?

Well, mirror, mirror, it seems Snow White wins

the first one.

She has the better apple.

What?

It's a careful inspection and, you know, with

careful consideration, your highness, I believe she wins

this one.

I have something for

you.

Oh, a delicious red apple.

Thank you, your highness.

It looks so wonderful.

Taste it.

It's delicious.

It's delicious?

I need to change that recipe.

I already know my kingdom's the greatest.

It's so big.

It's the biggest one in the land.

And I know every last inch of it.

I know all of it, from corner to

corner.

I know all of my people.

They say size doesn't matter, but it really

does.

Which is why these chairs being so tiny

and pathetic gets on my last nerve.

I need something big.

Something comfortable.

You're so pathetic.

Clean better.

Geez, you really don't know what you're doing,

do you?

Stupid girl.

Clean better.

You're missing some of the dust.

That is disgusting.

You better get every last bit of dust.

Well, I think it's so amazing that you

know your kingdom so well, your highness.

Every royal should know their kingdom so well.

It's part of the job.

If you don't, you're clearly not doing your

job right.

Keep going.

A little faster.

You're doing such a bad job at that.

I don't see how anybody can find you

attractive when you can't even keep house.

You need to get all of the dust.

Okay.

Is that better, your highness?

Slightly.

I wouldn't say much.

Get every last speck of dust.

Okay, your majesty.

That's a little better.

I wouldn't say much, but at least there's

some minor improvement.

Well, maybe I'd be satisfied if you worked

harder.

I mean, there's not much else I can

do.

Well, keep going until it's done right.

Do what you can until it's done done.

Go over there.

Clean over there.

Out of my face.

This is crazy.

I need a break.

Hi, how are you?

You look so down.

Look, I know the queen can be a

little mean sometimes, but she is our queen.

You know, she looks after our kingdom.

Well, it's just confusing because she's so mean

to me and then she gives me this,

this little present, an apple.

She gave me one too.

They're pretty delicious.

What a cutie, right?

You know, it may not seem like it,

but she really does care about her kingdom.

She just wants to be too perfect sometimes.

She's just so bossy.

Well, that's what a queen has to be.

Don't the apples taste great?

But, you know, apples aren't really my favorite

fruit.

I prefer mangoes or kiwis, or if I'm

really thirsty, watermelon.

Well, me or Mira, I've made another decision.

The queen wins this one.

I knew I'd win.

You are doing such a terrible job.

Look at this mess.

You still missed stuff on the floor.

There's piles at my feet.

My bad.

You need to get them cleaned up, Snow.

Clean it.

Okay, working on it.

You're not working on the pile I told

you to work on.

I'm just, like, really busy with this chair.

Keep polishing that chair.

I didn't say you could stop cleaning.

I want you to get every little bit

of dust, dirt, grime off of that chair.

It needs to be spotless so I can

sit on that throne later.

Just like that.

Keep rubbing that chair.

Rub off every last bit of dirt.

That is so pathetic.

In my kingdom, we do things better.

You can't even do anything right, can you?

It's so filthy in here.

You can't clean.

You don't work hard at all.

You're just lazy.

Pathetic little twat.

Can't do anything right.

In my kingdom, you need to work harder

to earn your place.

Pathetic weird girl.

You're so obnoxious.

I put my mouth on that.

Your turn to clean it off with your

mouth.

Wow, your highness, what kind of influence did

you grow up with to be such an

extraordinary queen?

Well, the kings and queens that raised me

taught me very well on running the kingdom.

Finances, they taught me about community service, the

weather.

I learned everything.

Wow, I wonder you're so amazing, your highness.

I had a lot of structure growing up.

Finance, stocks, bonds, I learned it all.

How to set a budget.

Wow, you have knowledge that is forbidden to

regular citizens like us.

That's amazing.

That's how the upper class stays the upper

class.

By making sure that the lower class doesn't

receive any of the knowledge.

Wow.

Move to the bed.

Everything in this cottage is so disgusting.

Filthy, tiny, pathetic.

I don't understand how you and your friends

live here.

I think it's a pretty decent place.

Maybe if it were clean.

It's just leaves.

Leaves, dust, dirt, there's hair.

Ugh, it's so gross.

Yeah, you've got the pure junk over there

too.

That's not junk, that's potion mixture.

There's a little bit of a difference.

I mean, clearly you liked eating those apples.

Yeah, it was a nice experience.

See?

So my mixtures are not junk.

Those are actually welcome here.

Why does the rest of this trash needs

to go?

It's pretty rude to come in my friend's

place and just start hating on them like

that.

You don't even know the people.

Well, it's pretty rude of you to try

to steal my title.

I didn't steal anything, it was what your

mirror said, not me.

Well, we'll see soon who's the best.

Clearly, it's me.

Okay, whatever you say.

We'll leave it up to the mirror.

The mirror?

The mirror's getting thrown out after this.

You know, historically, it's not good to throw

away things because you don't like their opinion.

Well, you know what they say, it's bad

for history to repeat itself.

So I think it's probably better that I

break the norm.

And if I want to throw things away,

just because I don't like them, maybe I

can.

Either way, that mirror's going in the garbage.

Along with most of the things in this

cottage.

That's crazy.

You're going to live here now too?

I didn't say I'd live here.

I just said that I'm going to be

in control of how it looks.

You like to decorate?

Yes, I do.

And I'll make you do every last bit

of redecorating as I sit in the corner

and watch.

I'll observe and I'll critique you, letting you

know what you did right and wrong.

Every step of the way.

I love to oversee projects.

Sounds great.

I knew you'd like it.

Everybody always loves my ideas.

Move.

Come on, peasant.

Get out of the way.

Maybe I'll paint this place a completely different

color.

Purple's a royal color, you know.

That's crazy.

You know, you should really get an exterminator

out here too.

You think so?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I like the idea of having this place

crawling with spiders.

They could weave all kinds of webs.

It'd be the perfect decor.

So you're not really for the people?

No, not really.

Black widows are my favorite.

They have deadly bites.

All right, I see how you're rocking.

I also like praying manti.

You like rats?

They're okay.

Praying mantises are better, though.

Did you know that after they mate, they

eat the head of the male?

Damn, that's crazy.

That's why they're my favorites.

There's also praying mantises that look like orchids.

You know, I think sharks are pretty sick.

So what's your favorite thing about sharks?

I like Shark Week on TV.

That's very self-explanatory.

Totally get that.

Out of all the places in nature, do

you prefer ocean, mountains?

I'd have to say I prefer the ocean,

because it's blue and it's wet.

You ever stubbed your toe before?

I have.

Hopefully I won't any time soon, though.

That's not fun.

I absolutely hate stubbing my toe.

You got extended warranty on your car insurance?

I think I do.

How about you bend over?

So, because you're named after snow, I'm assuming

your parents liked the winter?

I don't know my parents.

They just kicked me out at the Dwarves'

house.

Oh, jeez.

No wonder you're so dysfunctional and can't do

anything right.

No influences to properly mold you.

I mean, I had Grumpy.

Grumpy was pretty alright.

That explains your attitude.

I like horny a lot.

I'm sure you do.

No.

This place is so weird.

I think so, too.

I don't understand how parents can leave their

child with Dwarves.

Other Dwarves did pretty alright with me.

If they did, this place wouldn't be such

a hobble.

I'll get right back to cleaning my bed.

Yeah, you better.

You better have this place nice and clean.

Okay, I want to lay down.

Move.

Yes, your majesty.

Finally.

You move so slowly, girl.

So what did they teach you?

Well, Sleepy taught me how to sleep.

Grumpy taught me how to yell at people.

Horny taught me how to fuck.

Huh.

Well, I guess at least you know how

to fuck.

If you don't know how to clean, you

need to know how to do something.

It's better than nothing, I guess.

Everybody has special skills.

True.

I guess it's just hard to spot yours.

I have a lot of special skills.

As you can tell by how wonderful my

kingdom is.

I run it so well.

I run a tight ship.

What's your most special skill?

Telling people what to do.

So, what are some of your favorite things

to do in the forest?

Um, I like to find mushrooms.

Oh, wow.

Where did you say you were from again?

Oh, a kingdom not too far from here.

Practically your guy's neighbor.

North, south, west?

Oh, up west.

Oh, okay.

Northwest?

Yes.

You know, I really think you get along

with Horny.

He's a pretty nice guy.

Maybe you could give Sleepy a shot?

I don't really want to give any of

them shots, to be honest.

You don't like having friends?

Why would I want friends?

I just want servants.

People loyal to me.

Worshipping me.

Hmm.

Honestly, I'd rather have people that do my

bidding.

I just really don't see the point of

having friends unless there's the benefits.

Does anybody else live in your castle or

is it just you?

Just me.

I like to have my space.

A little bit of freedom.

I guess I have mine here too, so

I'm not completely alone.

Where are your dwarves?

Probably at work.

They all have nine-to-fives.

Well, Sleepy's an accountant and Grumpy works at

the supermarket.

Horny is a strip club manager and Sneezy

is a pharmacist.

Oh, wow.

They keep busy.

Yeah, I'm really proud of them.

I thought dwarves were supposed to work in

mines.

No, they're very self-sufficient, you know?

New day and age.

Sounds like it.

Well, what do you say we determine this

competition?

Let's settle the score.

Tell us who you choose.

Make an assessment.

Wow.

I just can't decide.

You two are so hot and beautiful.

You have to decide.

Now.

Mirror, mirror, they're just both equally hot.

But if I have to choose, Snow White.

She's just...

the beauty is just divine.

Well, you're banished.