All language subtitles for The.Real.Housewives.Ultimate.Girls.TripS01E3

There they are.

I want the shortest, oldest horse. Oh,
no, no, no. You're the tallest.

You get the tallest.

I want the white one.

Oh, dear Jesus.

Hold on, hold on.

Okay, this is very luxuriating.

Where's she going? Out to sea?

Why is hers galloping?

Love it.

Ew, that one's pooping.

Oh, my God. No way I let yours just sit
on that.

Oh, my God.

I won't be swimming at this beach.

Oh, I feel pee. I feel hot pee on my
feet.

Pakistan. Same woman, beautiful as ever.

This time it's hard, boy. Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Feel it.

Can you feel the island fever?

This may be my new favorite thing, doing
interviews, just rolling out of bed.

I think I even have a coffee stain on my
pajama.

Just

when I

walked you, just back up. Yeah.

When can I have the docket?

What the hell?

Good morning, honey.

What's the matter? Yeah, I'm in court,
and I just need my computer.

Morning. How you doing?

Good and tired.

I'm definitely on L .A. time.

Are you kidding me?

Good morning. I like your jammies.

They're so comfy. Want to come sit with
me?

Oh, my God.

I'm so tired and out of it, I can't tell
you. Yesterday, you drank from...

10 o 'clock in the morning.

And you're not even, like, drunk.

You could roll with the best of them. I
can't believe it.

Hi, good morning. It is day number
three, day after my daily cue. I

am feeling like Cynthia's upset with me,
and I feel bad.

I don't like that whole comparing the
look.

I just don't like the physical stuff.
First of all, I'm uncomfortable with

too. Who is the prettiest?

Oh, this feels weird. You can say, you
know what, I pick Cynthia because... I

could never say that, though. Not only
is she beautiful on the outside, she's

beautiful on the inside. I don't know.

I couldn't do that. But you kept asking
her if she was mad at you. What did she

say? Like, she was annoyed by that,
100%. I was like, I don't know if this

girl's going to flip a table because
that's what I'm used to.

Had some very strong opinions about last
night. A little disappointed.

Who is that?

It's Lou.

Oh, Lou Anne, come in.

in my feelings a little bit hi who's
there it's the countess good morning oh

god i love this yellow on you thank you
i'm good how you doing

You know, I'm not doing that great
today. What's going on? I'm going to

the bed.

Just jump in the bed. I'm going to jump
in your bed. I'm going to walk around

with you. I've known Luann for years.
She is just unapologetically who she is.

She's a free spirit. She's European.

Like, they just walk around naked,
little cigarettes and stuff.

Just an easy girl to kind of hang out
with. So I feel like I can talk to her

real, for real.

Last night, I was a little disappointed.

I give Kyle somewhat of a pass because I
don't know Kyle.

And I always am going to respect any of
you guys' point of view.

I'm a team player. I'm here to do
whatever you guys want me to do. Of

But here's the thing. I came on the trip
to become friends with Kyle.

I am friends with Kenya.

I hold them to two different standards.
Right. I didn't want to pick either.

But I have to be honest with you, I
think something pissed her off in the

beginning. She was mad at the table. I
think she was annoyed with Kenya I was

picking up. But why? Why was she annoyed
with Kenya? Maybe because she was late?

I don't know.

She looked pissed off to me.

Who is the prettiest? Like, everyone
here is gorgeous. It's like... Okay,

they're putting out the food, and
Kenya's already started eating.

I have low blood sugar.

I started this trip, Luann. It was very
important to me to make sure that Kenya

was comfortable.

I did my whole thing on the plane for
her. This is Brooklyn.

This is the first time Kenya has left
this little girl. So, Kenya Moore, don't

use these same scissors to cut me late.
Cut the call!

I was a little...

Her, that Kenya twirled into the dinner,
45,

maybe an hour, stopped counting after a
while, late, strolls her ass right in,

takes her time, goes, takes her off a
plate, a macaroni and cheese. I couldn't

believe that.

Macaroni and goddamn cheese. We're all
the same.

Now, we've been waiting graciously. I
know. You don't want some macaroni and

cheese? I did.

I know. But I wanted to wait for my...

Well, and that's also the gracious and
elegant thing to do is you don't start

eating before everybody's sitting down
with food.

Clack. You know that. Money came, money
came. That's right.

I would say that Cynthia is a very
supportive girlfriend. But Cynthia has

expectations that Kenya maybe can't
deliver on. And it's a respect thing.

I'm too old and I'm too tired. You and
Kenya are besties. You're old friends. I

feel like you can pull her aside and you
can tell her. Oh, I'm definitely.

Pulling things aside. We're definitely
having a conversation because that's my

friend. Right.

So act like I got this. And you are
gracious.

All right.

Oh, you in these outfits, you always
come so island ready and beautiful.

you. Love that.

Is that your potato salad?

It is.

Now I'm going to enjoy it. Take my time.

Enjoy it.

Michael, can I have some potato salad?
Oh, potato salad for breakfast. I love

that.

That was good, right? I know. I'm not
kidding.

It was so good.

Good morning. How are you?

Good. How are you? I'm good.

I was actually looking.

I wanted to come to your room earlier,
but I didn't want to, like, invade your

space. But I really hope I did not make
you feel bad last night.

I'm so sorry if I did.

You've apologized a few times, and I
completely respect your point of view.

I said several times, this does not have
to be mean. I'm not a mean girl. Oh, I

know you're not. That's why I don't want
you to... I don't want to make anyone

uncomfortable. I changed the game
several times throughout the night to

sure everybody was comfortable and
basically reinvented the game just so we

could just get to...

The powerful conversations that ended up
happening in the end. I know things

about you guys that I didn't realize.

No, like for me, it was just like the
respect that it was my night.

I guess we're still not over this. I
don't know if I accept Cal's apology or

not. All I know is I can appreciate that
she's making an effort to apologize,

but emotionally, I just can't move on
right now.

I mean, I thought my friends in Beverly
Hills were dramatic.

This is taking it to another level.

Were you upset with Kenya last night?

That's a Kenya -Cynthia conversation.

We're good.

I'll talk to Kenya myself.

For me, it's just the support.

The barbecue.

Cynthia said this is a girl's trip and
we're supposed to have fun. Well, I am

having zero fun right now.

Oh, my God. When is her court date? She
said it might be now.

I just saw her walking up the stairs
pretty quickly, and she said she was on

court or something. Sending good energy
and vibes, girls. I don't know what it's

about. I just heard her say that. Well,
she told me originally it was about her

divorce. About her divorce.

You okay?

Kenya, you okay?

All this stuff is just really hard.

And then we have to do court, and it's
on YouTube.

so everyone can see.

Oh, really?

I want to start with the big question.
Where do things stand with you two now?

filed for divorce. We're still in court,
but I want full custody.

It's like if you were in a courtroom,
it's public.

Anyone can log in to watch, and the
things that are being said and stuff,

just so private. You can hear...

People talking about money and how much
they make, and I have to file paperwork

to show how much I make.

It's like crazy. That's terrible. Such
an invasion.

I love Kenya, but I'm upset with her
right now.

So the fact that she has come downstairs
and is upset, it's kind of like when I

was just both upset.

You didn't concern yourself about my
feelings, so it's kind of hard for me to

concern myself about yours.

It's a public forum.

To sit there in court and have these
strangers talking about your child,

yours.

It's a lot.

I'm sorry.

That is an illusion of privacy.

to sit there in court and have these
strangers talking about your child,

yours.

It's a lot.

Horrible. I'm sorry, honey.

That is an invasion of privacy. Like,
it's such an invasion. Yeah, I just got

the chills. I mean, it's upsetting
because this is something that has meant

most to me in my life, and I'm losing it
in front of everyone, and then I have

to talk about it. I'm in a public forum
with any...

Tom, Dick, and Harry. They can listen to
my daughter, intimate details,

finances. It's very difficult to share
those details with strangers.

How long were you married?

Well, I'm still married.

It will be actually four years in June.

I didn't even think it was that long.

Yeah, we've been separated for over a
year.

The potato salad?

For breakfast, no.

I didn't know you were married for four
years. I have not dated. I have not had

sex in over a year.

Do you think he's dating?

I'm pretty sure.

Yeah. People send my husband naked
pictures.

I know, right? Do you guys get dick
pics?

Never. You never get one. On WhatsApp, I
get, like, porn videos. Wait, wait,

wait. I forgot to ask you about this.
Who had this party where you had this

stripper guy?

Oh, that was my best friend party. What
was his name again?

Bolo. Bolo.

Bolo. Bolo.

Bolo. Bolo. Bolo.

Bolo. It ain't real.

It's real!

It, like, goes down to, like, almost to
his knees.

The video someone sent me, he was...

on a cantaloupe, and he puts a hole in
the melon, and then he shoots the melon,

and the melon explodes.

Stop! Oh, my God!

Really? It's insane.

I have to show it to you. I'm not a
prude, but I don't really like to talk

sex and body parts. It's called having
class, decorum, and elegance. If you

to talk like sluts and do whatever you
want to do, fine, but that's not me.

You have your toys here? No, I use my
hands.

And you show him?

Yeah, you're really turning a new page
here. Oh, my goodness. Melissa is like

me. You put all fingers on your hand?

Yeah, you're trying. You like it. Oh, my
God.

Come in.

Hey, everyone, it's Michael.

Oh, hey, Michael.

Come on in.

I have an idea for you. And then the spa
day, we have lunch after volleyball.

Okay. And then you wanted a couple of
treatments in particular for the ladies.

Yeah. We talked about seaweed wrap. So
is that happening? Yeah. Yeah. And let's

see. And then what I really want to have
is a pedicure. Girls look like they

have perfect pedicures. Mine is not. Do
you see me like tucking my toes in?

Yeah. I'm not looking at your toes.
Nobody ever looks at your feet. When you

a face like that, nobody looked at your
feet.

Michael's a very nice guy. He's an
attractive guy. And I can feel when a

likes to flirt.

I

am

married, yeah.

I'm married.

Married, but he's not dead. A man can
flirt.

You've been amazing.

No, you aren't.

The girls actually have commented.
They're like, Michael is so elegant and

-spoken and chic. Oh, thank you very
much. Totally. They love you. So, great

job. You're doing a great job.

Okay, where's the volleyball?

Water. Bottle of water. I thought we
were playing volleyball.

I don't know anyone who plays volleyball
like you.

I'm in athletic.

I'm about to slam on you.

where you're going. This is not a
volleyball.

This is playing volleyball.

Heels, ring, a gown.

What is this?

So listen, I think Sylvia's mad at me.

I think she's mad at both of us.

Did she just say hi to you?

She's very frosty. Yeah.

She's frosty toward me today, too.

Can I be honest? I think she might be a
little annoyed that you came down so

late. The glam girl was 30 minutes late.

So that threw me off.

I think you should call the glam girl
and have a talk with her instead.

I think so.

But I think it's more than that. I just
think that she also feels like you and I

are, like, you know, super clicky.
Really? Would that bother her? She said

me yesterday when we were on the boat.

No, she did not. Yes, she did.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? No.

think she would even think that way in a
million years. She did.

Are we in high school here? I feel like
Teresa and Cynthia are getting along

amazing, and I'm good with that. I don't
know, and it looks like Kenny doesn't

give a shit either, so I don't
understand why she's so sensitive about

she's feeling like you're hers.

Well, honey, a lot of people have fought
over me. I know, and I just didn't see

it.

There's enough for all of us to go
around. There's enough of all of us to

around.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hey.

Another one's going glam volleyball.

Well, I'm going to learn how to play. I
don't know how to play. John is here

with a guy to teach us. Oh, that's why
she's wearing this. Right.

That's why we're in the situation right
here. Was it from the restaurant?

Got it. Yes. Used to be a volleyball
instructor.

Ramona, I will take one for the team for
you today. I want those men to be with

us and you all day.

Not all day. I don't want anybody all
day. I want your shirt and dress.

Go get your stuff.

Hot.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Ramona.

Woo!

I want this in my house.

I'm good. Good to see you. You too.

Hey,

Albert. Hi, Albert. Yes, nice to see
you. Thanks for doing this. I definitely

need to learn how to surf.

I'm going to help you out.

So Lou's the master of volleyball for
sure, so we'll wait for her.

Unless you want to pre -teach me how to
surf.

Sure. So that I don't get embarrassed in
front of everybody.

Whoa, that rock.

Holy moly.

There you go. I am playing the damsel in
distress, but actually, I don't know

how to surf, and I need someone to teach
me.

Hit it out of your hand nice and low.
Bend your knees a little bit, and then

just lift. And then come up with it?
Exactly right. Yep.

That's all right. That was good.

Let's face it. He has a rock -hard body.
He has a beautiful smile, and I want to

learn some pointers.

Bend those knees, and, like, you're
lifting up. Turn your wrists up.

Hi, baby love.

Hi, lady.

Hi. Hi, gorgeous.

Look at this. There's men here. This
feels illegal or something.

Hey, guys.

Hello. Can I get in?

Absolutely. I guess your hat's not going
to work.

Come over on this side.

Hey, John, how are you? I'm fine.

How are you?

I mean, I used to play volleyball all
the time when I was growing up, so I

like I'm a pretty good volleyball player
at this point.

Oh, damn.

Are you okay?

Other than that, I'm a good player.

That's great right there.

Oh, good shot. Good shot.

Yeah.

Oh, nice try.

Sorry.

I thought you had it, Melissa.

I thought you had my back.

I'm trying.

Nice.

That's a little long.

We need a ball person.

We need margaritas.

Okay, ready?

Good serve. Here we go.

Ramona, up. That's it. Good.

Ramona. Don't get in the way. I almost
killed you. I know, I know. And then I

hit a rock. I hit a rock.

Ramona doesn't care about volleyball.

Look at you. I mean, how can you do
anything in that outfit?

Michael, where's our margaritas?

She has other balls on her mind.

Cocktails are closed.

Ready? Uh -oh. You got this.

We're almost at the cocktails, girls.

Here it comes.

No.

I did it too close.

Just like that.

Yes.

Nice. That was amazing.

We all did great, as I'm spilling from
the poor dog. Spilling the margarita on

the dog's butt.

Maggie's licking it off his butt. Oh, my
God. The dog's going to get drunk on

your margarita. He wants that.

He's like, give me some more of that.

That is so funny.

Those look so good.

Thank you so much.

Cheers, guys.

To a good volleyball game.

Cheers. That was good. Cheers, you guys.

So is it your dinner tonight, Kyle?
Yeah.

We are going to the Waimara Resort.

We also have an astrologer coming in.

So she's an astrologer, but she's also
intuitive.

Oh, oh, it's spa day, isn't it? Yeah.

And I'm super excited about it. Got a
lot of attention.

Can I go in the water?

I need to take my mic off.

Do you want to talk really quick before
we shower so we can relax and enjoy our

massages?

I knew it was coming, so tell me what I
did wrong.

Look at Ramona.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, my God, the water's so good.

I really thank you. No, seriously, it
was so much fun.

I'm not going to drag this out. I just
wanted to say, last night, for my Bailey

cue, there was, like, a couple things
that happened that really irritated me,

and you obviously picked up on it.

Yes.

Sue, what are you doing?

Oh, just messing my feet up. Oh, I'm
listening.

I just felt like last night was my
night.

And it really annoyed me that you, like,
walked in late with no apologies,

no sense of urgency, made yourself a
plate of macaroni and cheese after I had

the ladies wait for you.

So that was, like, the first thing. And
then I just felt like from that point

there were moments where you just could
have been a little more supportive.

You know, these girls are not in our
inner circle. You know, if someone

of our group says I'm not comfortable
with that, And even though you have

explained or modified the game to make
everyone comfortable, change the rules

100 times, sit. I did not interfere when
you were talking. I listened, right?

Okay.

I'll go back to it. Go ahead. So what I
was saying is I think that you have to,

you know, adapt.

And I did.

But then you got mad.

No, I didn't. I didn't get mad about
adapting.

No, no, no. I told you I was irritated
with you for the reasons that I just

said.

It's the respect.

At the end of the day, I'm on a girl's
trip. Okay, let me, I'm speaking now.

Okay. Had Ramona Singer walked in, had
you been sitting at the table on time

waiting for Ramona? Because she's made
like 10 in practice. And it's not just

you. I would have said something.

Oh, honey, you would have. The world
would have come to an end, honey. And

everybody else as well. But you're
making it seem like it's a pattern.

has shown a pattern since before.
Ramona's not my friend.

You're my friend. We talked about it.
Well, good.

No, Cynthia, you didn't turn up, and I
don't know why. I want to make you hear

me because I don't really want to be on
a girl's front having a conversation

with the one person.

Cynthia, I don't take it that way. I
came here friends with you. When I'm

to explain something to you and you're
like, it seems like you want to have a

fight.

You know, it seems like you want to have
a fight. I don't want to have a fight.

I don't want to have a fight. Okay.

I'm explaining to you that those girls
were uncomfortable. They don't have to

feel the same way as you. They didn't
want to do it.

I feel like you felt like I did it. Kyle
was a lot of stuff. The energy was all.

No. Kyle and I were having a kiki. It
wasn't about you. We were laughing about

whole. Kenya, I was talking at one point
and you were like making faces with

your eyes. I was excited about putting
this together for you guys. I just would

like that same respect.

I felt like in that moment, you could
have been a little bit more supportive

you can't tell me how to feel.

And that's it.

You know, it's interesting because on my
show.

I'm usually the one that's being pushed
out from the friend circle.

But here, I'm vibing with everyone, and
I finally feel that people can see who I

really am, and they like me. And I think
that Cynthia is just jealous because

she's not really vibing with these
women.

Well, I am definitely going to.

Continue being supportive, but I'm not
going to go against how I feel because

feelings are bad. And I would never ask
you to. You never do, and I don't expect

you to start now.

Okay. All right, cool. My goal was to
let my friend know that my feelings were

hurt and to get back on the same page.
I'm not really sure what Kenya's goal

was, but I felt like not only did she
not choose to hear me, she didn't get

and Lord knows she didn't receive it,
that's for sure.

We said we were going to do arm weights,
remember?

Oh, we are today.

You know, this is not that light.

What, this?

Yeah, it's good for your arms.

That's what I heard.

That's how we tone.

I'll see you, ladies.

Hi, nice to see you. Hi, thank you so
much for the lesson. I think we're going

to see you at your house one night,
right? Right. Can we do a bonfire, too?

Yeah, of course. Yay!

You guys have a nice walk on the beach?
We did.

Well, I did. I said what I needed to
say. I feel much better.

I have a skirt.

You feel good, too? Yeah.

I don't like to harp on stuff.

Where's my drinking partner?

Oh, yeah.

She's feeling herself over there. Keep
going. Okay.

Oh, I like that. Oh, my God. You have
the best boot day.

Can I get some water, please? Thank you.
I thought you said you were going to go

in the water. No, I want to go in the
water, and I want to get some water. Oh,

okay. I'd like some water.

Can you guys say water?

Water.

Water. I would like to say water.

Would you like a glass of water?

Ramona has an accent, too.

Does she?

But it's like, you know, more like, you
know, it's like clips.

Yeah. She just talks fast. Yeah, she
talks fast.

I apologize.

What are you going to do?

I'm so hungry.

This is amazing.

Is that like a tuna tartar in a glass?

Yeah. So, Ramona, what's going on with
John? I mean, I'm like, when is he going

to make a move?

You know what? Everything is slow time.
I'm not in a rush for anything anymore.

What? Everything in time.

Do you guys ever have, like,
conversations about, like, personal

We're just friends. And you know what?
I'm starting with a friendship. If it

goes somewhere, it does. If it doesn't,
it doesn't. Because I always have to be

my friend.

From what I've seen, Ramona is a very
aggressive person, obviously.

And now she's playing all coy and shy.
She doesn't want to talk about her love

life. Girl, that is an act, okay?

Acting class is down the hall. It's not
here.

We're just friends at this point.

You know, maybe he's into the 20
-somethings. Oh, man. Or maybe he likes

little chocolate. Oh, do you know? Ah!

There you go.

Listen, Kenya can't even keep her
husband. I was married for over 20

was she married for? Like a hop?

What do you call it? A flippity -flop?

What do you call it?

Not even for a hot second, for goodness
sakes.

Hey, Kyle, I have a question. Yes. Can
you tell me a little bit more about the

astrologer tonight?

Does she read cards?

Does she read hands? Like, how does it
work? So it's basically just reading

your birthday and stuff, I guess. Okay.

I definitely believe in this one million
percent. I had a psychic tell me that I

was going to be on a reality show.

Most likely with my sister Kim. And then
she said, there's going to be light

shining on you like this in October.

And that's when it premiered. We had a
premiere. So I have high hopes. And I

think it always makes for an interesting
dinner party.

When I'm ever leaving him, I'm going
with him. He will never emotionally

you. Ever.

Know that.

As soon as the kids are bigger, you'll
have nothing in common.

Oh, that'd be fun.

And when's your birthday?

On your Scorpio.

Taurus, Taurus, Scorpio, Aries. Oh, I
get a little bit of Taurus.

Taurus the bull, you can be stubborn.

I'm very stubborn.

I mean, I've gotten softer now as I've
gotten older.

Right, Melissa?

No.

No, Teresa, we can't lie to people. We
have to be honest.

Like, how does it work? Like, you guys
are family.

You work on a show together.

Like, does that make you guys
automatically besties? It doesn't make

automatic besties. It makes us, we love
each other. We have a lot of respect for

each other. We actually do have a lot of
fun together. But a lot of times other

people get involved with us and it sets
up a little bit. True or not true,

Teresa had no idea you were coming on
the show.

Untrue.

But her and I didn't know. You didn't
know? She knew.

Oh, wow.

She knew. I didn't know until I got the
phone call from Andy. Right. So Andy

called her and said, we're interviewing
your sister -in -law. No, he didn't.

Andy called me and said, your sister -in
-law won't stop DMing me. She wants to

get on the show. No, I never DMed him.
That's what I'm telling you.

That's what he said to me. He said, take
it up with him. He's out there.

They inboxed me to interview her and I,
which, by the way, they still, they

inbox all of my friends still right now
looking for. Yeah, but all my friends,

as soon as they get inboxed, they say.
Yeah, but you and I were not friends at

all.

We weren't speaking. But we're, you
were, we were family. We were still

No, we weren't.

Who's telling? I'm not lying. We were
not on speaking terms at all.

Were you and your brother speaking?

No. Tell you the truth, I remember what
we weren't talking about, unless they

were just mad because I wasn't putting
them on the show.

We did not want to be on the show that
way. We never agree on this. She has her

story. I have my story.

She's never going to admit it.

You might back up.

Hold on to the table.

When they called me to interview me,
They then told you that. No, they

Yes, they did. Well, did you tell?

Because I don't speak to her. We don't
speak.

She's a table clip. Because I didn't
know.

Listen to me. I didn't know if we were
going to do it or not.

Of course. we interviewed for this show
and of course they wanted us it's a

family show caroline was on the show
dina they want sister -in -law like

what they want when they first asked me
to join the show i was trying to get a

feeling of what exactly goes on with
these shows i was watching wigs being

pulled on atlanta i was like oh wait
there's family members on new jersey i

how hard could it be that's funny that i
even thought that we went to film at

the christening They said she wouldn't
sign. She was like, I'm not signing this

paper. If you pass my brother and my
sister, I will not sign.

Finally, she gave in and filled with us.
I was like, I don't want to fight with

my family. To me, family is everything.

Look what happened.

Just walk away. Go.

Just walk away.

So why'd you invite me then? Take a
walk. It's garbage.

You two trying to play both sides of the
fence.

Did you guys ever watch the Godfather
movie?

I wanted

to

show America what family is truly about,
like sticking together. And you don't

go against against the family. Why
didn't you text?

Sorry, I'm just asking a very innocent
question. I bonded with them, and I

didn't know it starts third world who.

It looks to me like Melissa and Teresa
buried the hatchet, but, you know, I

don't know how deep the hatchet is.

What?

I made a mistake. It's third world
three.

A third world.

World war?

Yeah.

I don't see any real chemistry or
compatibility between Melissa and

These women are connected by family, and
that is it. It just doesn't seem like

they like each other that much. All
right, let's change the subject. Let's

relax.

This is the perfect time for a massage.

Girls, you ready to change the... We've
only been talking about the fact that

I'm on the show for the last 11 years. I
know, right?

Killing a dead horse, like, get over it.

Tell me, like, we're never going to
agree, but nobody knows the truth. How

have you been on the show? I've been on
the show since season one, and then they

came on season three. Yeah.

These are the underwear?

Yeah. Would you like to go put it on?
Oh, man. I'm going to go put it on and

come back.

This looks like a mask.

It's a mask and it's underwear.

It's everything. What the heck?

I got you on.

I have towels for you. All right. I'm
burning my eyes.

Michael!

Okay, okay. Ready?

Michael, you're getting hit in the head.

Michael.

Well,

I think Michael kind of likes me.

Oh my God, that's too funny, Luann.

That's so funny.

All right, so you're going to just get
right on.

What's happening?

She is giving us a soundtrack to her sex
life.

That's the spot right there. Yeah, right
there. I don't know what's going on

over there, but it seems a lot better
than my situation.

Maybe now she's...

Relax, and now she'll forgive me.

Oh, my God. Look, my ass is hanging out.
I don't know what I got.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Here it is.

Oh, my God.

Okay, Mom, I'll call you right back.

Are we fine?

All right, good. I'm just checking,
because you look like, you know. I know

get adamant about that. I know it's the
oldest thing. Listen, we're never going

to agree. That's what I just said to
Kyle. I have my story. Whatever.

Listen, you start fighting with me, I'll
be like, well, go fight with yourself.

Believe me, you're the last person I
want to fight with.

When my first started on the real hot
sides of New Jersey, we weren't.

friends. We were just sister -in -laws.

And I think the show made us want to be
together and enjoy each other's time

because I'm scared that we would have
never seen each other if it wasn't for

fact that we were filming together.

She's married to my brother and I have
no family here. He's like my only

So if I have to bite my tongue and
overlook something, I will.

Oh my God, that movie is beautiful.

Okay, ready? Ready for an island dinner
party.

This is off the beaten track, that's
right. Oh, look, they have it. Look at

this. Someone found out. Oh, the Real
Housewives, the all -star vacation.

They're doing our house. Oh, my God.

And it says, Ramona is currently
terrorizing the other housewives.

Wait. It says, look at the picture of
Ramona naked.

What? Just kidding.

Oh,

what a beautiful setting.

Hello, welcome to White Harbor Villa.
Wow, it's so pretty.

Welcome to Waimara Village. Oh, thank
you.

Oh, this is gorgeous.

Wow, you really are that beautiful.

Oh, bonsoir. I like you already.

Can you take a photo, Bulba?

On the count of three, say Waimara.

Waimara.

No, just do one phone. We'll just do one
more. We'll air drop them.

Just do one phone.

Oh, look at the photographer.

Yeah, what a group.

Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my God. I
don't know, but all I know is I need to

a drink before I continue.

Sorry about that.

Oh, that's okay.

She can be a little bossy.

That's not it.

I guess you're the astrologer. How are
you?

You look beautiful. Thank you, darling.

Hello. Hello, everyone.

I'm here to tell you your fortune.

we sit at the you sit at the head here
we walked in you looked like that

beautiful woman who the cartoon
character for one second like you look

like she puts the blue eye makeup like
you too what were we just saying with

white no that she has all the dalmatians
yes that

is not a compliment yes it is she's
fabulous

that it is not being shady by saying
someone looks like Cruella de Vil, a

famous, crazy -looking villain.

Is she asking for this woman to put a
curse on her?

It's like, no, girl, that's an insult.

But anyway, so I want to give you the
essence of who you

are. I've never done astrology, I don't
think.

You're going to do it tonight.

There's spirits in the air tonight.

From

your

chart I've extracted, what makes you
incredibly special?

Did you have my birth date?

Yes, it was sent to me.

I'm going to start with our hostess,
Kyle.

The kind of key to your chart is that in
your past lives, you were more often

than not a man.

I've heard that. A man? Yes, I've heard
that before.

Yeah, I've been a man in my past life.

Yes, and now you can see, so men deal
with emotions differently than women.

were general in a past life. That's what
I was told.

Oh, my God. I was already told I was a
general in the past life. Well, I'm

picking up the same past life, so it
must be true. I was literally told that.

I'm the only man of the group.

Who knew? I'm the only guy here.

Well, whatever.

And she's damn proud of it, too.

I think the astrologer got it wrong,
saying Kyle was a man in her previous

If anybody, it'd be Luann.

I got a really...

No, mine fits perfectly like it was made
for me. Because you're a loo man.

Well, because I'm tall, baby.

Like a man.

Okay, you're next.

Oh, Kenya.

We do have some wonderful information
for you.

Okay.

Now, I know that you have had, and it
made sense to me when I saw...

Not only your past life, but something
you're meant to do in this life.

You're supposed to be a shaman.

Wow.

Wow, really?

Yeah. Have you thought about that? Is
that something you want to do?

No.

Lady, please.

Try again.

You had a challenging childhood.

You know, your mother abandoned you.

And it was a struggle, I'm sure. But let
me tell you this, why.

Your mother is stuck in this past life.
That's why she's been treating you this

way, okay?

She had a child, you, but you were a
boy, okay? She had a child

with the king, but it was out of
wedlock, and you were the heir to the

because the only child were females.

And everyone was trying to kill you and
find you.

And she protected you by saying you
weren't alive.

That sounds like a Lifetime movie.

Well, most past lives are like a
Lifetime movie.

I may have been a son of a bitch, but I
don't know about a son of a king.

You'll love this past life. You were a
queen, darling.

But you married a commoner.

Marrying down.

There was no dentist in the room. There
was no toilet bowl scrubbers in the

room. Cynthia, you were married to a
very powerful man. You're also a

I've heard that before.

Where's all my plumbers at?

Melissa, your past life, you were a
beautiful princess of a small country.

We're all royalty. I don't know. I like
the princess part.

Teresa, you used to be a very seductive
dancer.

Oh, isn't it ironic?

I was always accused of being the exotic
dancer. It looks like it was Teresa.

The next is Ramona.

In her past life, did she always have to
have the best bedroom?

Yeah,

you were a queen.

There you go. Now we know.

Oh, my God. Now it makes sense.

The only real royalty in this room
tonight, darling, is a countess and a

Miss USA.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. It
was such a lovely experience.

Good luck to you all. Thank you. I need
to give you a hug. So everyone gets a

girl?

I love the way you did that.

So what year did you win the pageant?
Many years ago.

Okay. In the 90s. In the 90s. Yeah.
Cool. I won a pageant in Europe, too.

Universe. They gave me a car and a
watch. Yeah, they gave me a car, a boat.

opened up.

So many opportunities for me in Italy.
Not in America. This is in Europe. I was

a judge for Miss Universe in the
Philippines, and I don't think I was the

looking there.

I was, like, losing when I came out of
my swimsuit, whatever. But I started

winning when I started talking.

I just started to shine. It's so true.
And that's how I won. It wasn't on

beauty. And it showed your inner beauty.

Kudos to you. But Miss Universe was very
different, though. Miss Universe was

very different. Oh, you want to talk
about Miss Universe?

Hey, we're having a conversation.

This is not about one person's
perspective.

I literally tried to jump in maybe three
or four times.

And my friend, Kenya, just kept talking
over me.

I was a judge for Miss Universe in the
Philippines, and I don't think I was the

best looking there. And that's how I
went. But I was, and I was, like, not

in the top. Kudos to you. But Miss
Universe was very different. That is

offensive. That is crazy.

How do you think it feels to judge you
guys?

Like, as a judge, they sent us, like, a
book with all of their photos. Oh, my

gosh. She was my best friend. And all of
their information.

Like I was saying, as a judge for Miss
Universe, it was, like, the hardest

I've ever had to do. Mark Anthony's wife
won that year. There you go.

Oh! You would have been like, oh, yes,
that's a winner.

So we were going to be like, it's going
to be us and them.

Like,

literally, I thought it was going to be,
like, Thelma and Louise and the rest.

And Kenia obviously has a plan.

Seriously, I just have one small thing
to contribute to this pageant

conversation. I remember when we tried
waiting.

Oh, my God.

Cynthia, let's have a party. You got a
party? All right. You guys, I probably

have a good hour left.

Come on.

I don't want this wine anymore.

This is my new life.

This is my new life.

I'm going to have one drink, and I'm
out.

I'm living my best life.

How do I make a drink? I don't know how
to make a drink. Here's the thing, babe.

Sometimes you got to just let it in. You
got to let the party in. I think we're

loose people dropping like flies.

But not me.

People need to sleep.

I told you my husband was a very
handsome friend.

Homemade margarita, okay?

Honey, I need to know how to make a
margarita. That's the real reason why.

Lime juice, fresh lime juice.

How much tequila? How much lime juice?
Hold on. I have lime juice.

You have to measure it.

Motherfucker. You have to measure it.
Hold on. You have to listen to the

Mexican. Okay. I don't like boring
people.

You know we call the girls who do this
in Beverly Hills?

Exiles 5.