Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up, why are Q and Sal facing off?

Hold it. Hold it.

[ Laughter ]

What's got Murr coming clean?

An elderly woman passed out in the men's room.

Cowabunga!

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: And which losing joker

will be smoked out in tonight's punishment?

Sal: Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

[ Laughter ]

Murr: I want my mommy!

[ Laughter ]

Sal: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

[ Laughter ]

Today we're at Focus Point Global,

giving presentations about health and happiness

to a roomful of lifestyle enthusiasts.

But it won't be so easy because our presentations

have been made by the other guys.

We'll be in teams, but this time one of us

will be giving the presentation

and the other will be posing as an audience member

trying to help his partner make sense of it all.

At the end, we'll ask the audience

if anyone learned anything of value,

and the team with the fewest hands raised loses.

-That'll be them. -That'll be you guys.

What the -- What?

Got your nerves going.

It's rough, bud. You're up there by yourself.

You normally have a teammate up there with you.

Murr: Mm-hmm.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, guys.

Q had a costume change!

Now, Q is like his hype man. He's got to support anything --

-He's got his back. -Yeah.

Whatever he says makes sense.

Okay, so, today what we're workshopping

is Live Healthy and Die Happy.

Okay?

Focus on new experiences.

Just this week, guys,

I traveled, I tried a new food...

I started a fire.

[ Laughter ]

I took a kid out into the middle of the woods.

[ Laughter ]

Did you go camping? 'Cause it looks like --

-Ah! -Yeah.

-Very good. -Q, good work, man.

And I got a massage...

[ Laughter ]

...from a real person from Thailand.

I got it when I traveled to Thailand.

-I got what you meant. -You did?

[ Laughter ]

So, we want to do what makes us happy.

For instance, I've been working on a comic book

starring my very own superhero for the past 30 years.

This is a labor of love.

It gives me pleasure. I'm still writing it.

She can do anything that a man can do.

Murr: There's your 30-year comic.

Man: Actually, just thinking of it,

anything that I didn't get done in 30 years

would be emblematic of a lack of accomplishment

for me and a negative.

Wow. This guy's on Sal's case.

It's the journey, not the ending.

My question is, over 30 years, why weren't you more productive?

You're thinking that I didn't get it done

so I didn't put work into it. But not true.

It sounds like we're all saying the same thing, really.

In a way, it sounds like we're saying the same thing.

He's like, "No, we're not. No, we're not."

30 years for a comic book is just ridiculous.

Not true. His goal was to do it in 30 years.

Then he hit that goal, right? -That's a strange goal.

A strange goal, but it's his personal goal, right?

So we're all saying the same thing.

We're all saying the same thing.

-[ Laughs ] -It's all good.

Rome wasn't built in a day. This is my Rome.

[ Laughter ]

What's that? [ Air horn blaring ]

Time for broccoli.

Next to you, there's a box on the floor.

Hand out the broccolis to everybody.

You all get to take broccoli home.

Murr: Oh, they're going for it! She loves it.

Oh, this is so cool, man. Thank you.

Just one each. It's all fresh.

-Is it washed? -It's washed.

-This is good. -Oh, Q's supporting him.

It's good broccoli.

They're eating it! Did this backfire on us?

I don't know. It might have.

Will one of you come up and present the next slide?

-Can I? -Do you want to?

-I would love to, yeah. -Great.

You just hit this -- this button right here.

Okay. Work Out Pals.

Watch us do face-to-face, standing team push-ups,

pushing ups against each other.

[ Joe laughs ]

You're gonna come opposite me here.

And then you're gonna want to lean in, okay?

And now push out. Push out.

[ Laughter ]

Murr: [ Laughing ] This is a funny visual.

Joe: Look at the people!

She's holding broccoli, watching two grown men!

Murr: Hold it.

Push back. It's about your core.

Yeah, I feel it.

[ Laughter ]

Uh, name some sources of stress in your life.

Man: Work. [ Air horn blaring ]

Get out.

[ Laughter ]

Time for broccoli! Ber-ber-ber!

I knew it wasn't gonna go on the first round, so...

Murr: Look at her face.

Look, she's wrapping her broccoli up.

[ Joe laughs ]

Man: Click the next one.

[ Air horn blaring ]

Last chance for broccoli.

-Yes! -If you want some more.

I'm really -- Why don't you take the bag?

Oh, thanks, man. That's cool.

Murr: Q's going home with a bag of broccoli.

Sal: That was your last chance for that.

Thank you, guys, so much for listening.

So, just by show of hands, how many of you think

that this presentation might be ready to go on the road?

Murr: Here we go.

-One, two, three. -Three.

-We got to beat three. -No problem. We can do it.

[ Ding! ]

Hey, everybody. How you doing? Welcome.

Sal: [ Laughing ] Look at this tool.

Who are you -- Jerry Seinfeld with that outfit?

[ Laughter ]

Today we're talking about how to get the most out of your life.

Okay?

Murray is teaming up with Joe

and trying to help convince the rest of the room

that the presentation is good.

So, live long and die happy.

Does gender affect happiness?

Women and men are equal and exactly the same.

So, everybody knows that.

A man can complain/cry just as much as a woman.

[ Laughter ]

Murr, support him.

-That's right. -Yeah, that's right.

[ Laughter ]

Remove negative influences from your life. Okay?

[ Laughing ] It's his daughter and his four dogs.

What's negative in this picture?

Q: Hit the spacebar.

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, the baby's the worst influence, right,

'cause it takes up a lot of time.

Is that what that means? -No, no, no.

That means get rid of the dogs.

-The opposite. -Murray.

Yeah, you got to keep the baby, and, uh...

-Maybe not. -Oh. There you go.

[ Laughter ]

You were right, though.

Getting rid of those influences really helps you positive.

-Right. -Oh, nice way to turn it around.

Okay. My personal struggle.

Um...

[ Laughter ]

♪

Okay. My personal struggle, right?

I am currently struggling

with the devastating effects of male pattern baldness.

[ Laughter ]

I really feel self-confidence is plunging.

This is what I have to deal with.

I have to look in the mirror. I have to pretend I have enough to spike.

[ Laughter ]

Would anyone here like to share their devastating bald story?

[ Laughter ]

I started losing it when I was 20,

and now I've hit 40, and it's still devastating.

It's probably even more devastating at this point,

my male pattern baldness.

Yeah, yeah.

It's devastating.

[ Laughter ]

-Okay. Eat more fish. -Yes.

Joe: There's health benefits to fish, right?

Yes, yes, yes.

Lower risk of heart attack or stroke.

Fish is an excellent source of vitamin D.

-Sure. -Okay?

D-Levels. Test group A had lower D-Levels.

[ Laughter ]

-Test group B, medium D-Levels. -Oh, my God.

Test group C -- D-Levels through the roof, right?

This group ate the most fish.

The people that didn't eat the most fish, lower.

People in the middle did okay. They're working with what they can.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

Joe: Okay. Thank you, guys.

Show your hands if you think this presentation

is ready to be taken on the road.

-Yes. -Okay, put it up high.

-One hand? -Just Murray?

It's not ready? It needs a little more work?

[ Buzzer ]

Narrator: Joe and Murr were no dream team,

so they're stuck together on the loser board.

Today we're at the mall working as custodians

carrying around these nifty little walkie-talkies.

At some point, the guys are gonna give us a line

that we must use to answer the crazy question

that's about to come over the walkie.

Everybody's gonna be able to hear the question. Everybody.

The question is, will we have the guts to answer it?

If you refuse to answer the question, you lose.

♪

Murr: [ Laughing ] Does he have his shirt all the way open?

Joe: He took his undershirt off.

[ Laughing ] Yes.

You look like you're on work release.

I do these things for you guys.

Q, I want you to say "a little cold downstairs."

Q: All right. Oh, how are you doing, sir?

Is that bothering you? I can get that cleaned up for you right there.

-Hey, uh, Brian? -Excuse me one second.

Hello.

Hey, uh, how's your wife?

[ Laughter ]

A little cold downstairs.

[ Laughter ]

I'll come back and get this later. Thank you.

[ Laughter ]

Okay, you ready, Q? The answer is gonna be "those are the rules."

Those are the rules.

Excuse me. Everything going okay over here?

Everything clean? No problems?

-Hey, Brian? -Yeah, you got Brian.

So you're saying your son can't date a girl

because she's Asian?

[ Laughter ]

Come back.

Murr: Come on.

[ Laughter ]

[ Buzzer ]

All right, Joe. Your answer -- "Repeat that."

Repeat that. Oh, like I missed it.

All right.

How's it going today, bud?

Very well, thank you.

-Hey, Joe. -Go for Joe.

Joe, your sister dropped off

your prescription hemorrhoid cream.

[ Laughing ] All you can say is "repeat that."

Repeat that?

Your sister dropped off your prescription hemorrhoid cream.

Uh, repeat that.

Your sister, she dropped off

you prescription hemorrhoid cream.

I'm losing you after "sister." Repeat that.

Oh, hemorrhoid cream. That's what he said.

Hemorrhoid cream. Yeah, that's great.

I'll come up and grab it.

Yeah. You all -- You're done with that?

-Yeah. Thank you. -Okay, great, man.

Joe, you're gonna say, "Deep down, I know I have it inside of me."

Deep down I know.

-Joe, Joe, come in, Joe. -Yeah, go for Joe.

Have you seen my pen?

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, deep down, I know I have it inside of me.

No, I'm looking for my pen.

The fountain pen from the office. I need it.

Yeah, deep down, I know I have it inside of me

is what I'm saying.

[ Laughs ]

-Inside of you? -Yeah, straight up inside.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! ]

Okay, Sal, you know, Christmas is right around the corner.

Right around the corner.

It's always just a number of days away.

So you have to say, "Ho, ho, ho."

[ Laughter ]

If you get up and you exit this way, just be careful right there.

Hey, Sal, come in. Sal, you there?

Sal. Come in. This is Sal.

Hey, Sal, how would you describe your sisters?

[ Laughter ]

Ho, ho, ho.

[ Laughter ]

I have three s-- I have three sisters.

[ Laughter ]

If you come this way when you get up,

just be a little careful right here, okay?

Sal, "in progress." "In progress."

Almost -- Almost done for the day.

-Come in, Sal. -Go for Sal.

Did you get a chance to talk to that pretty blonde eating the salad yet?

[ Laughter ]

Did you get a chance to talk to that pretty blonde eating the salad yet?

-Come in, Sal. -Go for Sal.

Did you get a chance to talk to that pretty blonde eating the salad yet?

[ Laughter ]

In progress.

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, yeah!

Anywho...

[ Laughter ]

Joe: All right, here we go. Murr's up.

Murr: There's no water in the bucket. Isn't that weird?

-No, it's a dry mop. -No, it's not.

There's no such thing as a dry mop. It makes no sense.

All right, buddy, you have to say, "Cowabunga."

Cowabunga.

Guys, you have any garbage you need me to take for you?

James? James? Are you out there?

Yeah, this is James. Come in.

An elderly woman passed out in the men's room.

Cowabunga!

[ Laughter ]

Anything else, guys? You good?

Joe: Why isn't there any water in your bucket?

[ Laughter ]

Seems odd.

[ Laughs ]

-Murr. -Yeah.

Q: You just got to say the word "good," buddy.

Good. No problem.

You really think it's gonna be no problem?

I can say the word "good" all day.

Let's get at it, then.

Hi, guys. Do you have any trash you need me to take?

Yeah, of course. That's my job.

Sal: Hey, Murray. Are you there, buddy?

-Excuse me one second. -Are you there?

Yes, copy. This is James.

The test came back, dude.

My father -- He's only got six months to live.

Oh, my God.

Good.

[ Laughter ]

Maybe you misheard me.

I didn't say that the test came back okay.

I said it went the opposite direction.

My father, who I love,

he's only got six months to live, buddy.

He's only 50.

I just don't understand why you said "good."

I take it back. I take it back.

So you lose.

Copy.

[ Buzzer ]

Narrator: It's over and out for Murr,

making him tonight's big loser.

Well, Murr's our loser!

Hey, buddy, you're gonna be

a walking public-service announcement.

-Okay. -All you got to do, buddy,

is go up to people who are smoking cigarettes,

rip them out of their mouths, and put them out.

-No! -That's all, right? That's it?

Sal: This is a simple one but a deadly one.

The nearest hospital, is it, um...?

Up your ass and to the left.

[ Laughter ]

Q: People smoke to relax, calm their nerves.

Joe: Right, and Murray does the opposite effect.

We're gonna get a punch here today, boys.

Yeah, I'm hoping. Right here, Murr.

Murr, this guy's on the phone, bro.

You can try and swoop in.

It's right there.

He's gonna burn his stupid fingers.

He's gonna think you're trying to pick his pocket.

-Swoop in. -Get it.

-I can't. -Come on, buddy!

The longer you wait, the shorter the cigarette gets.

-That's how it works. -Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

-Super smooth, man. -All right, so, move on.

The search continues.

Murr: You try this. You see how hard this is.

-I don't have to try it, buddy. -Yeah, he won.

I mean, you get how the show works?

Murr: Here we go. This guy with a cigarette in his mouth.

-Oh! -It's bad for you.

It's bad for you. That's the thing.

That was like a Band-Aid. He just ripped it.

You know, the surgeon general has these warnings.

It's like -- What it does --

Yes.

And, um, you're wel-come.

-The guy can't believe it. -He's stunned.

[ Groans ]

-He's coming up to you. -He's following?

-Is he walack? -The guy's following him.

-It's bad for you. -Oh!

It's bad for you. That's the thing.

-The guy can't believe it. -He's stunned.

[ Groans ]

-He's coming up to you. -He's following?

-Is he walking back? -The guy's following him.

Q: There he is. There he is.

You know what it is? It's, um...

They're bad for you, and I-I saw you hadn't lit it yet,

so I thought I'd maybe, like, you know --

'Cause a lot of people struggle with hav--

with being able to quit.

No.

[ Laughter ]

I had your best interests in mind.

I saw that you hadn't lit it yet,

and you were there for like two minutes.

In that moment, I thought, "He's on the fence.

He's debating whether to do it." So I thought I'd help.

Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Okay.

He's British, which explains why

he's not decking Murray right now. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes.

Noted. Noted.

And apologies. Um, okay.

[ Laughter ]

-Oh, wow, Murr. -Wow, buddy.

-Cheers to you on that. -That was rough.

Oh, my God. Guys...

Every time it resets,

it's back to as tense as it can possibly be

'cause you never, ever know what will happen.

Q: This woman.

Guys, I'm sorry. Do you know where Stone Street is?

I don't know. I'm trying to --

I'm trying to think of --

Oh, he's got it!

Oh, my God.

She is pissed.

You know, it's not good for you.

That's why I thought --

[ Laughter ]

-Oh, that was bad. -And there it is --

our first "get the [bleep] out of here."

-Wow! -I feel like such a jerk.

Come on, Murr. Let's go. Next person.

Joe: Ah, she's got a cigarette.

He's got to put them out.

It's a match made in heaven.

Now you're just gonna creepily follow her?

[ Laughter ]

Sal: My God. That's rough! Oh, my God!

-[ Groans ] -This is freaking rough.

-I put the cigarette out. -Oh, my God.

[ Laughter ]

Ooh, ooh.

Sal: Oh, my God.

It's so nerve-racking.

All right. You're not done yet, man.

My heart is racing.

Dude, lunch hour. It's a lunch hour.

We got plenty to go.

Joe: All right. Here's a fellow right here.

Phone and cigarette.

Is that, um...

-He's got it. -Oh! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

They're unhealthy. It's all on the box.

I'm just trying to help you quit.

-Wait, wait, wait. -Oh, yeah, he's got a whole box?

All right, if you just crush the box of cigarettes,

you're done, buddy. Oh, yeah.

Crush the whole box, and you're done.

-I'll give you that. -Um --

Let me show you what it says on the box.

No, I'm not gonna do that. I promise.

[ Laughter ]

Q: Look. He's holding it behind his back from him!

Let me sh-- Let me --

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I just want to show --

[ Laughter ]

Let me just show you what it says.

Joe: Look at him!

♪

[ Laughs ]

This guy's got some attitude towards life. I like him.

Just give me the pack. Just give me the pack.

It's all over once I get the pack, bro.

No.

It's all over once I get the pack, bro.

Q: "What is wrong with you?"

We've been asking that question for decades.

I'm kind of at my job.

[ Laughter ]

I want to say this in a nice way, but just give me the pack.

All right. I'll give you the pack.

You give me the -- your jacket.

Not quite a fair trade.

[ Laughter ]

It's Murray's tailored jacket.

-Yep, which isn't cheap. -No.

What'd they do on the inside here?

Oh, wow. Look at that.

You got to give him your jacket, bro,

or just go smack more cigarettes out of people's mouths.

It's up to you.

Okay. Trade on three?

-Deal. -Dude. Deal. Ready?

-Look at him. -You win.

-This guy's awesome! -There it is!

-Oh! -You did it, buddy.

Q: Nice work, pal.

Enjoy my jacket.

[ Laughter ]

Joe: Well, the good news is, it's over,

but the bad news is he didn't get punched.

He did lose his jacket that he loves, though, and I'll take that.

That was an extra layer we didn't see coming.

This guy's bumming a cigarette now. He's trying to get a cigarette.

[ Laughter ]

-Nice. -And that's it.

Q: Nice, Murr.