All language subtitles for Ghosts.2021.S05E01.720p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta[EZTVx.to]

The reason I left was because I had to
go talk to Donna to tell her that I

see her anymore because there's
something I have to do. What?

This.

Homer, something brought me from the
dirt today.

A presence, most evil. Although you know
me as a hardworking publicist, I am in

fact Elias Woodstone, an emissary for
the devil.

No. When you signed the contract to hire
me... In exchange for making your

dreams come true, I secured your soul
for Satan.

What's important for you is to relax and
enjoy what little time you have left to

live. Look out!

Rats. Thought I'd get them on the first
try. Oh, well.

See you soon.

Sam! I'm afraid to use the toaster. I
can't live like this.

I know Elias showed up and revealed that
he had tricked Jay into selling his

soul and is now actively trying to kill
him, but it was a lovely book launch

party. True.

It'll be pretty bitchin' as one of Jay's
last memories.

How is Jay doing today, Samantha?

Still on edge?

Yes. We're both on edge. An emissary of
the devil is trying to kill my husband

and drag him to hell, so we're on high
alert, okay? It's DEFCON 5.

Well, actually, DEFCON 1 is the most
dangerous.

Not now, Pete.

Sam?

Did the bubble wrap I ordered arrive?

I'm going to need you to wrap me up,
babe. Poor Jay.

An eternity in hell. I know what that's
like. I want to spend a weekend in

Boston.

Jay, I don't think this is going to cut
it. We need a better solution than

hockey pads and some bubble wrap.

You're thinking I should put on my
stormtrooper armor?

I wish I had Mithril, which, as you
know, protected Frodo from an orc spear

the Mines of Moria. Oh, I see. He's
intent.

trying to shrivel your desire for him in
order to make his upcoming absence more

bearable for you.

That's thoughtful.

I don't think the answer is that we just
keep evading attempts on your life. We

need to figure out how to get you out of
this deal. How are Jay's fiddling

skills?

Did people not get the reference, the
devil went down to Georgia?

It's a phenomenal song.

What are you talking about? Oh, come on.

The devil went down to Georgia. He was
looking for a soul to steal.

And he was in a bind because he was way
behind and he was willing to make a

deal. When he came across a young man
sawn on a fiddle and playing it hot. So

hopped up on a hickory stump and said,
boy, let me tell you what.

What's going on? Are the ghosts
concerned for me?

Uh -huh.

Fire on the mountain, run, boys, run.

Devil of the house and the rising sun.

Are you tapping your toe?

Why are you tapping your toe?

It's just a nervous tick.

We're all nervous, Jay.

Thank you, guys.

What's going on here?

Small man fixing ghost trap in quixotic
bed to circumvent evil devil.

If you're wondering about all the big
words, Sam got a word of the day

and Thor's been following along.

Thor never skipped day. Thor very
ambidextrous.

He doesn't always nail it. Jay, I was
thinking maybe we should start pureeing

all your food. You know, cut down on
choking hazards while we're figuring out

this whole Elias thing.

Wait, what are you doing?

Well, you know, I was thinking about
what you said, and I can't keep worrying

about Elias trying to kill me, so I've
come up with a plan. And it is nuts.

I got in touch with Yanis.

The Latvian ghost trap repairman. And he
talked me through how to fix the ghost

trap. If I live, we're having pierogies
with him and his mom next week.

Cool. Anyways, the plan is, if Elias
kills me in the few seconds I have

he drags my soul to hell, I'm just gonna
touch the ghost trap and get sucked

right on in. So in this scenario, you're
still dead, but instead of going to

hell, you're just stuck in a little box
for eternity?

No, just until you guys figure out a way
to extricate me from the devil's

bargain. Ask him about the tiny
furniture.

It's crazy.

And the tiny doll furniture?

Well, I might be in there for a while,
and I thought I might as well be

comfortable. It actually doesn't cost
much to live a luxurious doll's life.

He's lost it.

And check this out.

Huh? You never let me have one of those
in real big life.

I honestly can't tell what he's rooting
for. Jay, I've just got to be honest

here. This seems like a terrible plan.

Well, it's the one to beat.

Sam Elias Woodstone is here in demon
form, and he would like to talk to Jay.

No, Jay, Elias is here.

Okay.

Let's just hear what he has to say.

Wait, wait.

Now I'm ready.

And a turnip cookie.

That's genius.

Hey, is my partner in crime?

If kissing were a crime, which it's not,
although arson is. And we did almost

burn this place down.

You're damn right we did.

So, how are we planning to tell everyone
about us?

Oh, I'd like to maximize jealousy. And
ideally, it should involve me. Hanging.

Well, I mean, I know it's not the same,
but when Carol and I got engaged, we

announced it in the Kiwanis newsletter.

There'd been a float collision at the
Rhubarb Days Parade, so most of the

announcements were pretty somber.

Oh, well, maybe we should just go
downstairs and tell everyone the good

We could.

Although... Is it a little insensitive
to put our happiness on display with all

Sam and Jay are going through?

That's partly based on some feedback I
got after the rhubarb tragedy.

Sure, I get that. It's just, as far as
everyone in the house is concerned, I

profess my love to you in front of
everyone, and then you immediately fled

property. Oh, boy. Yeah, I didn't think
about it that way.

Although, I mean, with all this Jay
stuff going on, I doubt that's on

radar. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Leave the man alone, Alberta.

He's not interested.

I filled her in on the whole day of
humiliation thing. We're friends now. We

walk. Well, Carol, if you must know, I
can't take a hand.

Can't blame a girl for trying.

Is there anyone for her in the basement?

Creepy Dirk is newly single, but he's
pretty picky.

I'll do a temp check.

I'm here to talk about the timeline of
your death. Wait, what is that?

It's an air fryer. I'm looking for
healthier ways to eat chicken nuggets.

Ah, at last we come face to face,
Hellspawn.

Who is this little freak?

Patience just came in and is confronting
Elias. Seriously? I knew I was right

when I sensed the devil's presence in
this house.

And now, it is my destiny to smite thee.

Oh, damn. It's about to go down.

She said she's going to smite him, Jay.

Say goodbye, demon.

What's happening?

Is she shooting lasers out of her eyes?

Are there flames?

Not exactly.

Smite! Smite! Smite!

Smite! Smite!

Smite! Is this your whole plan?

Just to yell smite. I mean, it does
leave one wanting. Patience, have you

done this before?

Well, not exactly, but I just assumed on
account of my holiness and his

wickedness. Patience, no need to feel
ashamed. Very ambidextrous effort.

It didn't work, Jay.

Damn it.

I mean, yay, my publicist is saved.

That doesn't make any sense.

Patience! Patience!

Now, where were we? Ah, yes.

I am not here to kill you.

Okay. Could be trick.

I often tell Dane, not going to kill
you. But then I do kill.

Very funny. I realized it was unsporting
of me to take your soul before I made

good on my end of the bargain. I mean,
you made a deal with the devil. You

should get something in return.

So, in exchange for Jay's soul, I
promise to take him to new heights of

To put him and his restaurant on the
map.

So how long exactly do I have left to
live?

Gosh, I mean, a rise from obscurity to
the top of the culinary heap could take

decades. Decades? Okay, I can work with
decades.

No, I was saying it could take decades
if I were a less incredible publicist.

But I pulled some strings and worked my
connections.

I secured you an appearance on...

Good Hang with Amy Poehler. Oh, that's
actually a really big podcast.

Yeah. So what does this mean?

It means that I fulfilled my end of the
deal. Oh, one more thing. It tapes

tomorrow, after which you die.

So make it a good hang, for it shall be
your last hang.

I can't believe you married this guy,
Annie. I had two cousins to choose from,

and the other one had weird teeth.

Big old bag of corp. This is bad.

We gotta come up with a plan to save
Jay's life. And three clever anecdotes

Jay to talk about on the podcast.

We've all heard the pasta story. That's
not gonna cut it. Okay, here's what I'm

thinking. I fill a Ziploc bag full of
water, put it in the ghost trap, and now

little Jay has a waterbed.

Wait a minute.

The ghost trap.

Yes, sweetie, that's what it's called.

No, I'm saying, what if we trick Elias
into going inside it and hold him

until he lets Jay out of the deal? It's
like what the cult did to get that radio

DJ to read Bruce's manifesto on air.

A good idea undermined by a disturbing
example.

The ghosts are saying we should try to
trap Elias in the ghost trap.

Interesting. Either he lets me out of
the deal or we use the evisceration

function to destroy him.

But we can't trap a demon in a ghost
trap. We need to get him back to ghost

form. Right. How are we going to do
that?

Jay, the good hang folks want to know
what you'd like for lunch in the green

room tomorrow.

I don't know.

Big deal double sonic smasher, I guess.
You're a chef, man.

What if I just refuse to go to the
podcast?

Is that some kind of loophole?

Sadly, it's not. And honestly, it's just
rude to pull her. Who is Lovely?

Speaking of Lovely, nice to see you
again, Alberta.

Well, that must feel like a nice shot in
the arm after the brutal public

rejection from Peter.

I still think you're a super lady.

Hey, Elias seems like he's really into
Alberta.

Maybe we could use that to lure him into
ghost form.

What do you mean?

I'm just saying, if Elias were made to
think he's got a shot with Bertie here,

he'd have to turn into a ghost to make a
move.

You're suggesting a classic Hoboken
honeypot.

And before anything happens, we make him
come into contact with the ghost trap,

and boom, in he goes.

Sounds exciting. I'm in. Oh, Bertie's
about to get flirty.

The ghosts are suggesting we have
Alberta hit on Elias to get him back

ghost form.

Interesting. And her confidence isn't
shot from that whole Pete debacle.

it. Send his man to hell.

She can do it, Jay. I certainly believe
in her. Shut up, Pete.

Well, I come to bid thee farewell.

Following my failed smiting, I am
returning to the dirt where I shall live

eternity in shame.

Okay, bye. I'm seeing you.

Wait, wait, patience.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

For centuries, I've wondered why God
hath abandoned me to this purgatory.

And then Elias came, and it all made
sense.

I was kept here to defeat the devil.

I think I'm here to entertain others
with my stories.

I've ever told you about the time I
found a weird apple?

It just does. It would make no sense.

A good and pure soul should be able to
vanquish evil. Well, maybe, and don't

take it the wrong way, it's possible
that your soul isn't so pure.

Patience? It's true.

Patience spent much time saying others
bad, but not much time doing good.

Oh, so you're saying patience talketh
the talk, but don't walketh the walk.

Yes, it.

Patience know what she need do.

Patience.

Now back to the Apple story.

It was a red, but it was a weird red.

No, he doesn't want something better. He
wants Sonic.

A man who goes after what he wants.

I wonder if there's anything else he has
his eyes on.

Excuse me?

It's just...

We don't get a lot of handsome strangers
around here.

I'm sorry.

Is it hot in here?

I'm not the best judge. My condo is in
the fiery pits of hell.

Ooh, a homeowner.

That's right.

When you're a demon, I can't touch you.

Oh, there's an easy fix for that.

Hello.

Oh, my.

So you in ghost form now?

Indeed. I believe you were about to
touch something.

No, you're about to touch something.

You did, Jay.

What's going on? You're in a ghost trap,
Elias. And I just hit the evisceration

button. You have five minutes to release
me from our deal or you're toast.

Now I'm going to wait for you to say
something and have Sam tell me what you

said. Why is everyone screaming?

Who is that?

Who are you?

Oh, no.

Uh, Jay, I think we have a problem.

It seems as if Carol is also in the
ghost trap.

Oh, crap.

Carol, what are you doing in there?

Well, I was in the kitchen sniffing
baked goods.

And Jay walked in with this strange
little box.

I tried to poke my head in to see what
was inside.

Next thing you know, I'm in this weird
little room.

Carol, I was holding the ghost trap for
the last 20 minutes. Why didn't you yell

for help?

I must have fallen asleep.

There's this really comfortable chair in
here.

Bark -a -lounger. Great. She would have
been rescued, but she fell asleep in

your doll chair.

So I would have been comfortable.

This is rich. You thought you had me.
Threatening to eviscerate me unless I

release Jay's soul?

But you can't destroy me unless you
destroy your precious Carol.

I don't know about precious.

It's three minutes until evisceration.
Can we stop the clock? Maybe we can just

hold them hostage for a while. The only
way to stop the countdown is to let them

out. Or let them both, you know, poof.
Hedy. I am just talking it out. I mean,

it would save Jay.

And it's Elias.

Carol, if we had to choose two ghosts to
be eviscerated, would we be anywhere

different right now? Really? All right,
so Carol's not quite the bargaining chip

I thought I'd lucked into, but we all
know you don't have it in you to

eviscerate an innocent ghost.

Innocent is strong. She cuckolded Pete
for years with his best friend. And then

she lied to him about his entire career,
leaving him to believe he was a

legitimate travel agent when he was
actually an unwitting front for the mob.

Some of those trips were real.

Although some, in retrospect, appear to
have been assassinations.

You can also just kind of tell she voted
for Nixon.

When you put it all together, she was
kind of a bad person.

Jay, the ghosts are sort of implying
that maybe it's okay if we sacrifice

Not all the good.

Look, I know Carol is far from perfect,
but deep down, way, way down, I know

there's good inside her.

I don't want to go to hell, but I signed
that deal.

I can't do that to somebody else.

Even Carol.

You tricked me, Jay.

Not cool.

He went back down.

Okay, so maybe the danger's past?

Yes, I'm sure that did.

Whoa! Jay's life ends now.

Elias, please, just... Silence!

Oh, my God!

He's got the Force!

Oh, my God, was that the Force? Not
important right now, but did Pete say

something about the Force? Yes, Jay.

My man.

Look out!

Is Jay making light favors now? It helps
him focus. He's practiced this in the

mirror. You're ready, Jay!

You've got this!

Your soul will soon be mine, Jay, and
with it, my promotion from vice

to senior vice president with shared
assistant.

Just stop, Elias! Say goodbye, Samantha.

Wait!

Would you accept another soul in his
stead?

What happened, babe? Why have you
stopped trying to kill me?

I think Patience is volunteering to take
your spot.

No way. It's about time patience walketh
the walk.

Cool. Let's make it official.

Oh, wow.

Wow, you can really feel the heat.

Um, it's pretty close to patience.

I'm so touched.

Yeah, I'm out.

This is just beyond generous of you.

Seriously, I don't know how I'm ever
going to reach you. Jay, she bailed.

it, that feral little dirtball.

All right, Jay.

Time to die.

I'm scared, Sam.

I'm sorry I signed that contract.

I give you my blessing to remarry after
a respectful seven years, as long as

it's not to Kyle.

I hate Kyle.

I love you, Sam.

I love you, Jay.

Not as much as I do.

Elias, take me instead.

Pete, no!

Peter!

Jay's my best friend. He's got his whole
life to live.

Works for me.

Carol, what did you just do? Something I
should have done a long time ago.

Done right by you.

Carol just sacrificed herself to save
Pete, who also stepped up.

Oh, my God.

All right, I haven't had one since high
school, but I need a cigarette.

Carol, you didn't have to do this.

You weren't a bad person.

We were just different.

Like donuts and donut holes.

How do you mean?

You know, because they come from
different machines.

But it's all donut material.

No, I don't think so.

Okay, time to go.

Ta -ta.

Jay, you are officially free.

I was going to do it.

Some could say I sort of got the ball
rolling.

Oh, this is new.

No, no, no, no.

What's happening?

She was going down, but now she's
getting sucked off.

This is incredible.

Bye, Pete.

Bye, everyone.

Tell Baxter I'll wait for him.

Yeah, right.

Thank you, Carol.

Her sacrifice must have been enough to
cancel out going down.

Amazing. Wow, this must suck for you.

You were so close.

Pigeons. New recliner.

I love it.

This is the nicest thing anyone's ever
done for me. Multiple ghosts just

to go to hell for you, sir.

Well, you had a tough week. I thought
you deserved some relaxation.

I'm so glad I didn't lose you.

I'm glad Jay didn't go to hell, but I'll
miss Isaac.

I'm right here.

Okay, well, if you're Isaac, then who's
Doug?

There is no Doug.

We lost Doug?

No! Dad!

All right.

Everyone, we have an announcement.

Now that the danger has passed, we'd
like to let you all know that Pete and I

finally mooched last week.

Oh, sick.

It's just like the doll version.

That is amazing.

It is amazing.

No, I'm talking to Pete in Alberta.

Apparently, they kissed last week. Well,
let me get this straight. You kissed

Peter, and then he immediately
volunteered to go to hell? No, that's

The two are unconnected.

I don't like this narrative.

Oh, real big life is fixing to be.

OK.