Original subtitles

Previously on The Real Housewives of New York City. Are you dating now?

I am.

Who's the lucky lady? I'm not sharing that.

You know what's coming back? Handjob.

Anything that has a job in it, I don't want a job.

If Jess will say anything about me, tell me.

I just got carried away, and I felt like the cackling hangs were ganging up on

me. Cackling hag?

Jenna comes over, and she was telling me all these things that you had said

about me. Maybe we are not... Yeah, yeah, I'm on the same page. Like, I

have time for, like, fake friends.

My intention with that conversation was to, like...

You know, just kind of get over it. And I'm sorry if I, like, offended you in

any way, and that's not my intention at all.

Oh, kitty.

You know how we've been planning our 10 -year wedding anniversary?

Anyway, December 14th, mark your calendars. We're having a big party.

December 14th? December 14th. Oh, shit.

What?

The secret ingredient?

Darling, it's me.

My laugh is maybe fake, but I definitely keep it real.

I'm a true New Yorker. The only bull I'll take is by the horn.

I always bring the flavor.

It's not my fault you don't have any taste.

In New York, there's a lot of bad apples, but I'm the baddest of the

I love to laugh, but make me mad, and I'll date your dad.

Nice seeing you.

Oh, my God.

Hello. How are you, darling?

I am so good. How are you? Looks amazing.

I had to dress up. I'm coming to see you.

Where's Tat?

Where did you come from?

I was in Miami a few days. This is not New York, Tat.

I'm pale and I'm black.

Jacob is the juror to the star, to the 1%, if you want to just shine bright

diamond. You go to Jacob.

Ah! Hello.

How are you?

This is gorgeous.

Hi, I'm Jacob. Hi, how are you? Aaron, nice to meet you.

This is an insane looking store.

Thank you. I love it, but why am I here?

To borrow jewelry.

For the party? Something borrow, something new, something this, right?

Yes. I love you. Thank you. You can come in here too, Jacob.

I'm not passing up millions of dollars worth of diamonds to wear at my

anniversary party. Thank you, Uba.

I like it. I could live here.

Welcome to Kiernan's Abyss. Hello.

How are you today?

Good.

So a dear friend of ours is having a 10th anniversary party. It's a huge

It's going to be downtown.

I would say it's creative black tie.

But they're very, like, cool. Is she bothering you, sir?

Is she harassing you? Is she harassing you?

Hi, lovebug.

What's taking place? How are you? Good. Kiernan's Abyss is quintessential New

York. The best fashion. We have a lot of things going on. We need to shop.

Everything's on trend.

Honestly, my Disneyland.

I have no idea what I'm wearing. Do you have a sense of what you're doing?

I think I'm going to go, like, very, like, black tie -ish more.

Oh, really? Yeah.

Like, you want to be the bride?

Uh, yeah, no.

No, then I'll end up running away from the party. Do you want to overshadow

Erin? Is that what I hear? No, not at all.

I have been engaged three times.

None of my engagements worked out because I wasn't ready.

Why not just say no?

To the proposal.

It's easier to say yes.

You look in their eyes and it's like, it's very difficult to say no.

I know you went on a date like this week, right?

Yes. And I left him at a party.

What? I just got bored and I was like, I'm going to leave. So I just left. Was

he like, where are you? Well, I texted him when I got home and I was like,

I left.

I'm ready to settle down.

But I can't do this anymore.

I'm old.

I'm tired.

You know what I'm saying? I don't want to date anymore.

I don't want to get to know people.

I don't want to be like, am I going to be your parent?

When's the first time we can poop in front of each other? I don't want to do

of that. I'm just ready to like be married and old.

And then the next day I was like, sorry, I left. You know, that was, I should

have given you the heads up. Why should you apologize? If a guy did that to me,

he wouldn't be like, there'd be a horse's head in his bed the next day.

How do you guys even know each other?

Oh, we met years ago. In Monaco?

In Monaco. What chair was it? Is that Prince Albert?

It was Prince Albert. The environment thing. And we've been best friends ever

since. I mean, your stuff is really... Thank you. He saved you. And I will make

sure that you wear something special for this party. Oh, thank you.

Right? This and the earrings.

Oh, my God.

Like, I'm in love. I know you're borrowing it, but I feel bad for Abe.

He's going to have to buy it.

They're not expensive.

They're not? I don't think so. How much are they?

$224 ,000. Oh, nothing.

Nothing? Nothing. Oh.

Like a down payment on a house.

I'm loving Uber right now for bringing me. Like if anyone else was like, oh,

going to take you to get millions of dollars worth of diamonds so that you're

tripping at your anniversary party, I wouldn't believe them. But it's Uber. I

have how much here?

$220 ,000. Okay.

$224 ,000.

$224 ,000. Wow.

I already felt like a million bucks, but now I feel like two and a half.

Wow.

Brynn, you said you wanted to do something black tie, and honey, that is

Your body is ridiculous.

Did you read Erin's party invite closely?

Is there a penis on it?

That would be interesting. Wait, did I get it? Yeah, I got it. There's just

a lot of, like, sponsors at the bottom.

Okay. I don't recognize any of these brands.

It's like a Coachella poster. It's like brought to you by... But hell, teacher's

on. I mean, look, they're the ones with the house in the Hamptons, not me, so...

Am I going to have to pay for bottle service at this party? You may have to.

you know I promoted a Wookiee Man? What is this? What are we walking into?

I'm wondering, how have you been?

Oh, I've been crazy.

Yesterday, you were so stressed. I was not in a good mood. I know. I was

really... But you showed up. You were really good friends. I felt like if I

didn't come, it would...

leave kind of send like a bad message i'd rather be friends with jessel than

like pissed off by her all the time with all her stupid comments i don't need to

hold the scratch so right now jessel and i are good i want to have fun with her

at my party and move on but like she also made a comment like i'm a woman who

supports women like insinuating that i don't yeah but you just like don't call

them names yeah you call women names like old hat like how is the downfall of

instant cackling hack I felt like there was some unresolved, like, stuff between

Aaron and I, so I wanted to squash it. Did you actually apologize for the

cackling at the end? Because I do think you should, like, form actually

apologize for that. Well, I feel like my apology on Thursday at my event was an

all -inclusive apology.

You know what I mean?

Or no. Do you think I had to, like, what?

I mean, I literally was like, I'm sorry for everything. The generalized apology

that I gave, that is actually, oh, isn't this a buffet?

No.

It's all inclusive.

You think I have to bring it up again? I'm not going to bring it up again.

I apologize.

I put a Band -Aid over it. Maybe things are bubbling under the surface. But at

this point, I'm just moving on.

Life's too short. You know, and she made an effort, and thank you. But let me

just be clear. She's had a problem with you. She's had a problem with Cy.

Jenna left her house. She has a problem with me.

Like, I don't think it's us.

There's a common denominator.

There's definitely a common denominator.

Coming up.

Oh, my God. Are you doing this on my table?

No, not on my table, Rio.

Honey, did you... You've got to be joking.

I don't think you've met Emily.

No. You may not recognize her because she's cut her hair.

Oh, my God. You're not getting these bitmojis.

Wait, did she put me in a dog costume?

That's me.

Since leaving J .Crew, I had attempts to do things that I had really been

wanting to do for years, like interior design work.

I renovated a brownstone, and ironically, I got more attention for

did for my career in fashion.

So just to get you oriented, Emily bought this cottage outside of Toronto.

think what I want to do today is just go through lighting, furniture plans, and

I don't know if we're going to get through everything.

Hi, how are you? Hi.

You look gorgeous. Yeah, how are you?

I was going to say you look gorgeous. Oh, thanks.

Emily and I are friends. We were introduced about two years ago to date.

You look studious. Oh, wait, are you wearing a Canada sweater?

Oh, my God, I love you. We didn't have a love connection, but we had a friend

connection. And then she bought this house and she was like, would you help

the interior design?

So just kind of snowballed. Do you notice anything different about me?

Your hair is really short.

I'm wearing Troy.

Oh my God. You're so sweet. Thank you, babe. They look gorgeous.

I also started a brand of eyelashes called Love Scene.

Emily's been like probably one of my biggest supporters.

She's like, send them to me. I'll do an unboxing.

I'll wear them and I'll give them to my makeup artist. It is really meaningful.

My makeup artist.

I love her.

Or

inside the

box. I love that idea. In here? Like a coffin?

Are you working on a horror film?

Are you really?

So... The question I have is, this is your dining room table. Do you remember

that really insane over -the -top light fixture that we were talking about? I'm

feeling like maybe that's a little bit too much for this.

You decide.

Okay. Like, if you want to spend all the lighting budget there,

then does that mean I can go dark for, like, everywhere else in the house?

And then you get your coffin bed.

Oh, my God.

Oh, hi.

Sorry I'm late.

I mean, after 12 years.

Are you used to it? Why are we at David Burke? We haven't been here in years.

Hi. Hi, how are you? Are we up yet?

Yeah. Nice and warm in here.

Dave and I have been together 12 years, 10 years married, and tonight we're

celebrating our 10 -year anniversary.

Can I get a coat? Yeah, I'll check it for you. Thanks so much. Do you want me

check your coat too?

Yeah, check yours. Why not?

I'll keep it for you. Why?

Just like having my cook.

That's weird.

Hi, guys. How's it going?

Hey, how are you? Good.

Should I give you guys a few minutes?

Let's start with oysters, lobster dumplings, and then can I have a dirty

martini? What's this dream catcher? It's just the tequila. Is it like a

margarita or salt?

It is. Thank you. Thanks.

I feel like we've been downtown for so long that I miss coming to the Upper

East. I just don't really like going above Canal.

but for you. When we went on our first date, you were uptown, I was living

downtown, and you were ped.

I was annoyed that you asked me on a date and you made me come close to your

apartment. If I catered to you, there would have been no second date.

Probably not.

So now all I do is cater to you.

Um, the party.

The party is coming up. What do we have to do?

We need to, like, send the run of show to Rachel because our friends want to

make these speeches.

We have to tell them to, like, limit the time. Two minutes.

But I'm nervous about telling you my vows. Yeah.

I'm a little stressed about writing my vows because I've never done it. I think

we didn't say vows the first time around because we were just so young, and the

rabbi did the whole ceremony, and honestly, we didn't really think of it.

I was at work writing that, and I started tearing up. Really?

Like, actually.

You? Like, what the hell is going on?

I just want to tell him how much I love him. However that comes out, hopefully

it's received well.

We got married pretty young. You were a baby. Were you 24, 25?

25. 25?

We barely knew each other.

I proposed to you after nine months.

even i just kind of locked eyes and we understood each other on a level that

can't really explain we're like opposites but oddly similar he's more

more crazy he's relaxed i'm in overdrive we have really good balance that's why

we work i don't think people realize how important it is to be friends like if

we weren't married like i think we would be friends

Couldn't be funnier if you were not one.

Okay.

I mean, just being honest. Spend so much time together.

Oh, lovely.

Got some oysters here for you.

Thank you so much. Not to be a pain, but... He doesn't want his fruity

drink. I think Don Julio and Yale, just on the rock. On the rock. Do you want a

big rock or a bunch of rock? I'd love a big rock. Ooh, I want a big rock, too.

Thank you. You want a big rock?

I do, actually.

Wait, is this a joke?

Get that away from me. Is that real?

No, I couldn't not get you a thick ring.

Is this a joke?

I'm almost like a little pissed off. Like, how much did you spend on this

Like, where'd you get the money for this? Holy sh... It was pricey, but she

deserves it.

I love you. Thank you.

I have to give you another one.

Yeah,

but my dress is like... I love you.

Coming up...

Sorry, I didn't want to scream.

Can you come out here for one second? I just want to have you take a look with

me at the school application stuff.

Sure.

What's going on?

Did you get the application?

We had to email the Montessori school.

I got the email, though.

Can you send it to me?

Like, I don't think you understand, like, the urgency of all this. Like, we

have, like, less than two weeks to get these applications in.

This preschool application process in New York is psychotic. We've narrowed

preschool search down to two. I mean, I've narrowed it down to two schools.

Pavit has been sitting on his ass, fiddling with his balls.

We're going to need to do, like, an in -person meeting.

Okay. And then we need to start, like, prepping just between us, like, what

realistically we're able to do.

So I love this one because it is international.

For instance, like, they have campuses in, like, Brazil, Sao Paulo, Hong Kong,

New York.

All we care about is New York. It's where we live.

No, I get that. But, like, they teach in Mandarin and they teach in Spanish. So

you're, like, immersed in this, like, in this language. I mean, imagine, like,

our kids could speak Mandarin.

But at the same time, they can't even speak English right now.

They do speak English. What are you talking about? And then the second one

Montessori, which is actually kind of cool because celebrities, tech

entrepreneurs, it's like a very, very high -profile school.

How about race car drivers?

You keep joking about this stuff, but we have to get this stuff in. I get it,

but they're so young right now.

I think you need to take a look and see if this is feasible.

Are you crazy?

What? $62 ,000?

For what? Coloring?

No, I mean, look, they give materials, snacks, field trips. You get an iPad and

you get an Apple Mac if you join the school. Oh, great.

You're paying $62 ,000 for an iPad and a Mac.

That's ridiculous.

I mean, this is, like, what it is.

It's something we really have to focus on, and you need to, like, invest now

imagine, like, you know...

Tom Cruise sent his kid here.

I mean, you could be rubbing shoulders with that.

In New York, where you go to school is your status.

He doesn't see it like that.

Puppet thinks in dollars.

His Google is cheap is best for everything, or best cheap is for

But you cannot get the best if you're cheap.

Oh my God, they're asking for boards and organizations.

Are you part of anything?

Except for, like, the fried chicken committee that you, like, eat? It's the

Street Food Association of New York City. They want a statement from us.

What do you mean? We are interested in parents' thoughts about their child. Oh,

my God. Which one are you doing?

I'm doing real right now.

We're with thoughtful, intelligent, and socially inept. Is that a word?

Is inept a negative thing or a positive thing? I don't know. Is it?

Can you click on that? I thought you were the English major.

Oh, shit.

Socially inept people don't know how to comfortably socialize. Can you delete

that? Now you're going to mess up our child's education before you even start

it.

I like that. Me too.

Oh, my God. Are you doing this on my table?

No, not on my table, Rio.

Come. I saved the day.

Look at this.

Me too.

Color till your heart's content.

Me too.

Yeah, but, you know. Honey, did you see this?

You've got to be joking.

You've got to be joking. Can't they do it up here? This is why I don't like

anything in here.

No, no.

Can we do it up on here?

I got very lucky with David.

He's always there for his kids. Like, watching him as a father, I'm amazed.

I'm actually jealous I didn't have a father like that. Like, he is above and

beyond for his children.

Parenting is so difficult.

Parenting is difficult.

Working.

I feel like I just had a million events.

including Jaisal's event.

And apparently Jaisal and Aaron got into it. At the event? No, no, no, no,

prior. And Jaisal got really emotional with Aaron and started crying. Why are

you getting emotional?

You should not even be having a conversation in front of you. Rio, you

your masterpiece and surprise me.

Okay.

I was like, what is the deal? What happened with Erin? I was like, why did

cry if somebody, like, called you pampered? I didn't understand it. On top

taking care of twins, she's starting working again. Yeah. If someone was to

me out or pampered or this or that, she's juggling all this stuff, I might

pissed off too. Yeah, absolutely. Think of how overwhelming her past year has

been. You're right. I find it funny that the ladies come to you to discuss

feelings.

You have many strong suits, but a counselor is not one of those.

I have a tendency to be very hard on people just because of my upbringing and

not becoming a victim.

So I tend to not be so empathetic.

Yeah. Maybe I just don't listen too much. I have that tendency to, like, not

listen to people. When someone opens up to you emotionally, you tune them out.

Amazing. You know what? Your husband must be so lucky. I know. He's so lucky.

He's so lucky.

David really helps me see a situation from a different light. It is a great

partner, but sometimes I wish he would just agree with me and just shut up. Oh,

by the way, Erin is having her 10 -year anniversary.

You and I, baby, are headed out and about. We need a babysitter.

Can I wear a track suit?

No. I don't think it's black tie, but I think it's a very formal... There's no

athleisure? No. Can I wear this with a tie?

No, David.

I don't think that's appropriate.

Coming up... There's a lot of wieners in this place.

Put them into my mouth.

Uh -oh,

JJ. Where's Daddy?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Abe? I'm in.

Hi.

Hi.

Here, you just get your options out. I'll hold them.

Okay. Oh, these are sick.

Right? Yeah.

How cute.

It's a two -piece.

Do you like it?

I mean, obviously.

I don't think I can wear this thing.

I think it's too, I don't know, not cute, right? Okay.

Oh, God.

It's going downhill fast.

Oh, my God.

All right, I'm going to try the dress.

Here, number one.

I feel like it.

This is not it.

Hi. I don't know. I don't know.

Oh,

hi.

Yeah, I don't think that.

Okay.

Is that for me?

Oh, that's for me. I thought I'd pour you one more for myself.

Cheers. Cheers.

You know, it's like four in the afternoon.

When have I ever talked to you before? You're such an a -hole.

Let's, like, chill for a minute.

There's a long night ahead of us.

I know.

Like, a long night.

Um, have you talked to any of the girls?

Mm -hmm.

Well, Brandon's bringing her girlfriend.

Maybe she wants to, like, meet guys at the party.

There'll be some, uh, some of our friends that she might like. Who else? I

she RSVP'd. Did you find out Jenna's bringing a date?

No, I have no idea. Is she dating, even?

I don't know. She doesn't talk about it.

She's so private.

Not everybody's like me.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's it. That's the one.

Do you like this one?

What'd you think, boo -boo? Yeah.

What'd you think of my babe, babe?

I feel like I'm missing somebody.

Jessel. Oh, shit.

That's so bad. She's coming. And you know what?

I'm actually excited to have fun with her because she apologized, clean slate.

I'm, like, ready to, like, have fun with Jessel.

You know, and I know you love Abbott. Yeah.

Good. I think it'll be fun.

So there's a lot of hairspray in this wine. It smells like hairspray. Oh, this

is just bad wine. Which one?

I ain't bringing out the good stuff on you right now. When I get pampered,

bring out the good stuff.

Can I see what you're wearing? I know that you did shopping on your own, and I

always get nervous when you shop on your own.

Why do you get nervous?

Because. You have? Well, excuse me. It took almost seven years to get it right.

Oh, shoot.

With Puppet, I don't think he cared so much about his appearance before I met

him. But listen, if you want to be with me, you've got to look a certain way.

This is what I brought.

It's a nice double -breasted corduroy. I love that.

I created a monster.

Nowadays, he blow -dries his hair every day. He gets his eyebrows done. I made

him stop that. I was like, why are your eyebrows thinner than mine? And he looks

like Zoolander, but he loves to look good.

Wait, where's my mic? I'm literally going to drop it.

Isn't it beautiful? That is amazing.

Drop the wine.

Drop the wine? And then your kid will lick it off the floor like he did last

time? That's cool, right?

Louis is calling me.

Hi. Are you excited? Are we going to dance all night?

Why are you in bed, like, in a jacket?

I'm so afraid to give you this news.

So I picked my dress. I got my diamond.

I ate because I was afraid you were going to feed me.

Why do you always think I'm not going to feed you?

Don't tell me you have COVID.

Do not tell me you have COVID.

Oh, I can't believe you're not coming.

I cannot believe you're not going to be in the jewelry with me tonight.

I'm a million dollars more expensive because of Uba and she can't even see

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry you can't come. I love you. I hope you feel so much

better.

Okay.

I love you. Bye.

I'm going to start getting ready.

Oh, my

God. You did such a good job.

I was speechless.

It is beautiful. And also the venue is so special.

Hall de Lumiere, which is on Chamber Street. It's an old bank.

It's like this beautiful piece of history in New York City.

Hi.

Hi.

Say hi to Jackie, my friend. Hi.

How are you, Eric?

Nice to meet you.

So, was that them?

Yeah, but I met them last.

I know.

It's a whole production, this thing. It's like wearing, like, armor.

Dad has a girlfriend.

great at least she's of age oh my god doesn't this look beautiful this is very

common and not surprising wait i have to find the bodyguard i'm so excited hi

erin nice to meet you i'm robert from jacob and company you're my security

bodyguard i love it maybe you'll forget that i'm wearing them you'll let me take

them home i haven't lost anything yet are you gonna jinx me good robert from

jacob and co is gonna follow me around until i'm ready to give him back the

jewel

Cal, can you help me?

It may not be tonight.

Make sure that doesn't fall off, is it? You got it? Oh, yay.

He'll be in bed with us.

He'll be like, I'm still here.

Keep it going.

Thank you so much. Nice to meet you. I'll see you lurking around, I'm sure.

Coming up.

Where's the hot dude?

Where? Are we making moves?

I'm single, so I'm making moves.

Wait, what?

What happened?

Feels like a bank or a courtroom. My two favorite places.

Why are there so many men here?

I'm not complaining.

Hi, guys.

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Is it because I look like the stepmom from Parent Trap?

I've got my party stockings on.

I have my outfit. I have my fur.

I'm flying pretty high.

Keep the glasses on because the eyes are bloodshot.

Oh, wow.

You look beautiful.

Hi.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you.

Do you remember Sarah Pan?

Hi. Hi, Mama.

You look hot. How are you?

Hot. Is this hot? I'm going to hit it like it's so hot.

Miranda's still in her sunglasses.

Nine o 'clock.

Take them off.

Wait, wait, I have to meet your dad.

Oh, gosh.

Yeah. Don't hit on my dad tonight.

I'm 100 % hanging on your dad tonight. I'm going to hit on my dad. Also,

dudes everywhere. I know. You know what I was going to say. Is this my birthday

party? Oh, so pretty.

Oh, my goodness.

Uncle Judy.

Hi. Hi, honey.

David,

this is my friend, Brian. Hi. This is my brother, David.

Oh, your brother. She's going to hit on my brother. Lovely to meet you.

Hi. Are you Aaron's dad?

I'm Tessel.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

You're married?

Yes, yes, I have been.

When did you get married?

2014.

How long ago?

He doesn't know anything.

Two kids.

Oh, we're twins.

No,

no, no, no, no, no.

Is that what you told him? Two and done, two and done.

I spent three years trying to have a child. I have seven embryos that are

chilling in a freezer.

My girl is in there.

Puppet thinks he's two and done.

No, no, no, no, no.

I want to say hi to Erin.

Erin, everybody's waiting for you. I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm wearing armor.

My dad's saying he wrote this. You can see her move.

She's married, she's taken, it's okay.

It's okay.

I don't allow, I don't allow.

There's a lot of wieners in this place.

Put them into my mouth.

Oh, hello.

Hi.

You know, at the event at her house, I saw you for like a split second. I know,

but I was there for like 10 minutes. My kid was sick like it was chaos. I know.

You should have just texted me. It's like, it's not a big deal.

No, but you know, like we had our thing and I wanted to like show up before. I

know it was important to you. Thank you. You know what? I really wanted to like

actually start fresh. I want to have fun with you. I really appreciate it. I

told you.

Thank you.

I mean,

I don't make a habit of grabbing asses.

Part of my repertoire, or maybe it is. I should check that.

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Now I feel like a total weirdo.

Look at you. I didn't even know you had a hug first.

Is this her idea or yours, or was it a mutual idea to do this?

No, it's a real reason.

We never did that. It's just, like, we were so young, and I just didn't think

about it. So we had to do that.

didn't think about it it's what every wedding has i'm just trying to get my

around that maybe we didn't we weren't ready we only knew each other for like a

year and a half at that point you weren't ready to make a stage about we

ready to commit to each other for the rest of your life yes that makes a ton

sense sorry sorry i don't mean to interrupt hi how are you my hands are

sorry okay me too this is beautiful isn't it pretty it's so They did a good

You're thirsty?

Yeah, I'm so thirsty. I went to London school in this outfit because she had a

performance. Wow, you're committed. Thank you. I mean, I wanted to surprise

Where's David?

He couldn't make it because our babysitter was there.

David didn't really care, though. David was like, I'm sorry, but I'm fine with

staying home.

This place feels like Bank of America holiday party meets a charity gala meets

bar mitzvah.

I think I'm a little bored.

How do I like to entertain myself?

Binging.

Opa! Opa!

Don't worry, it's sponsored. It's fine.

Good to see you. How are you? Congratulations.

Hi, good to see you. How are you? How are you? What a name.

Like that.

He was like, oh my God, you're blue.

Hi, Eddie.

How are you?

Wait, you need to come for Shabbat. I know, I need to. Oh my God. No,

you got to do it.

Now, when you're ready to get a divorce, I'm single, and we're just going to do

a swap, right? It's just like a swap.

You can't take her anywhere.

Wife swapping, I think, happens after the 20 -year anniversary.

20 years. 20 years. Okay. Another 10 years. Yeah.

That's what we talk about. And then you're going to wife swap. I'm patient,

I'm patient. I think we're going to do our vows soon, though.

Wait, if you didn't say vows, then technically you're not married.

No, there's a contract.

Okay. I made a whole, I set a whole list of all the videos.

Someone knows that's how to get out of my dressing.

She's trying to break through, I'm telling you.

This is great. Friends will love this.

Whatever you do, don't mess up and say, I ain't taking friends.

It's not you I'm interested in. It's actually Aaron's dad.

Because then I'm going to become Aaron's stepmom.

I cannot. Did you imagine you got a stepmom? I wouldn't make a great evil

stepmom. Maybe she'll be amazing.

I like that.

What's the look she's going for tonight, by the way?

She's going to be literally like, this is it. It's perfect.

Hey, Mom.

Hi, Mom.

And here's the thing, too. If I was their stepmom, I wouldn't let her call

Brynn. No, you have to call me Mom now. Like Mommy. Oh, my God. Call me Mom.

Mommy. Mommy.

Let's go find people.

Okay.

You're sparing me from being your stepmom. No, no, no. You have a lot of

to like.

I've got to lock my shit up.

I'm ripping on her party, and I'm hitting on her husband.

All right, I'm making, like, vows with you two, and I need to have a drink.

Who's the hot dude?

Where? What hot guy? Oh, he's really hot.

What's the deal? Would you ever sleep with a guy again?

Sure. It's the right one, yeah. I feel like we're, are we making moves?

I'm single, so I'm making moves.

Wait, what?

What happened?

Really? Wait, what happened?

Did that just happen? We've been planned.

It's happened.

Jenna,

how, how do you feel? Like, how are you feeling? I mean...

It's been a little, it's been rough. You know when you think your life is going

one direction and then it takes a turn.

I dated this person for almost a year and a half. It's not been consistent. I

think that there were signs.

Like you get excited, you believe something is going to be. And so when

future goes away, it can be really heartbreaking. You know, I'm not getting

younger.

Was it a mutual thing or was it something that you felt?

Do you think it was because this person wanted to be more vocal?

The other way around.

And was like, I don't actually, like, this is not what I had in mind.

Yeah. I was like, I hear that. Yeah. And it's not like I can turn it off. So

it's been, we've been like.

You can come hang out at my house. Thank you. I'll bring you tons of mom pills.

Thank you. And you can come hang out with us. Thank you. Bring your son.

Jenna's finally opening up.

And I wish that she would show me more of this side of her. She never wants to

talk about a girlfriend or introduce us to this girl. And now all of a sudden

this girl breaks her heart. And I'm happy that she told me this because now

feel like she can lean on me. I feel so bad. I'm so sorry. Thank you so much. I

feel very protective over you. I appreciate that so much. Really, I do.

It means a lot. Thank you. Would you like to have a threesome with me and my

husband?

Cycle, apparently.

If you guys haven't had sex in a year and a half, I don't think I should be

entry line. Yeah, you're right.

Actually, she'll be perfect.

You can, like, sit there and direct everything that's going on.

I'm not into training.

Like... You move over here.

You're wearing the wrong collar. I'm just kidding. No foot.

Like, you don't want that. You totally break the feel for us.

Coming up.

I just want to tell you, it's a little rude. Can you, like, get more

Are you going to go around and... I'm telling one of the people to it.

is talking.

Well, this is the other one.

They're looking at dresses.

They're amazing. They're in love.

They're hot.

They're rich.

Like, let's just keep drinking.

You know what I'm saying? I'm rubbing it in. You sound like an old bitter hack.

Old cackling hack. Like speech after speech after speech.

Can I wrap this up a little bit?

Is this thing still on? Please shut it off.

I think the people that she should be telling to zip it is

maybe... Because we're dead.

You're right. You are right. Mom's fabulous.

Yes. I'm sorry.

She's right. I'm dying.

All right.

A very special moment right now.

Am I going to get the opportunity to be like, does anyone speak forever hold

your peace?

Abe, I truly can't believe we've been married for 10 years.

When I met you 12 years ago in a bar.

Lower East Side called the draft.

I never thought I would be meeting the man I would call home.

Hey, I'm going to need Adderall if you want me to pay $10.

Cool, Ella.

Lots of people back there talking.

I promise you, you are my best friend.

I think even if we weren't married, aka not attracted to each other and didn't

want to have babies with each other.

We would still be best friends.

That's what I heard. Did anybody else hear that?

I wake up every day thanking God for the life I've been given with you, but

mostly for the coffee that you leave on my nightstand.

Let's celebrate everyone.

Thank you for all of you.

My left foot is falling asleep. My eye is drooping.

I really hope we're done.

All right.

Aaron, lately it's occurred to me what a long, strange trip it's been. I love

the dead. I love their lyrics for random things like wedding vows because they

make sense.

From the moment I met you, it feels like we've been connected through the

universe, through time, space.

I told my parents the next morning when I met you that I met the girl I'm going

to marry.

Oh, that's cool.

That's really sweet. That's nice, right?

I will always be your rock.

When the sea of life gets stormy, I will continue to keep you satisfied

emotionally and definitely physically.

You're not my soulmate.

I love you more than I ever have.

And I see you, and I love you.

I love you too, Nicko!

Alright, let's skip.

Hungry there's no food here.

There's absolutely no food. I asked Erin where the food was and she showed me

piggies in a blanket I'm a pescatarian. I don't eat piggies in a blanket.

And that was my sign. I'm going to go.

Listen, I came. I supported.

I sat through all the speeches.

You wouldn't even notice me if I was gone. I'm going to Nobu, honey. I'm

At the very least, she should have said goodbye to me, which is exactly what she

said Jenna should have done when she dipped out of my house. I think it was a

little rude not to say bye.

It was rude.

Aside from that, this party is everything I could have expected.

Everyone's so excited, so happy for us. And it's just a really, really

beautiful, special night.

Okay, silly face.

Yeah!

We got it.

Now let's dance.

Next time on The Real Housewives of New York City.

My name is not my real name. My name is Judith. My brother used to call me

Jenna, Jenna, Jenna Talia.

Oh, my God.

No. My dad keeps asking me when we're going to have a baby girl. Your parents

don't even know you've been IVF so far. There are some things that, like, I've

been wanting to tell you.

Mm -hmm.

I think Aaron's going to be happy for leaving just so you know. I honestly,

between you and I, don't.

Rin, like, oh, so you can get out of the marriage.

Which is not cool.

I don't think it's funny to joke about being divorced on my anniversary party.

If you accuse me of flirting with a married man, it's going to really get

It was a joke. Don't flatter yourself.

Yes, it is. Because the party was boring.

I don't want to be here anymore. You guys all suck. Bye.

Merry Christmas.