Original subtitles

He's a good boy. He looks exactly the same. He hasn't changed a bit.

No, no, no.

Angela, stop eating the tampon.

Are you going to walk or do I have to carry you, lazy Coco?

Don't we look alike? We look like twins, right?

Somebody's getting laid tonight, and it's not you.

Hey, sweetie. How are you, honey?

I'm studying for my real estate course. I'm like 75 % through. And I bought some

books because I want to be real. Okay.

I'm filming right now. I'm filming right now.

Very big one bedroom.

Where did you get the big cabinets? You came with it? Yeah.

Very big.

Isn't it fabulous? I love the closet.

And wait until you say, oh, well, we'll show you the bathroom later because

there's a lot of people hiding in here.

Forget it. It's so ordinary.

There's a lot of people hiding in there.

Those are the freeloaders. They're still in my bathroom.

What is the program you were talking about? I don't know. It's like, oh.

Go down the pole. I couldn't get it.

Oh, God.

Like in my nail or something. I only have a runny nose.

This is why they think I'm real. Guys are like, you're real. You eat real

I have gas. Everything.

All right. You're an intern. Pull out your booger.

Yep.

Okay.

All right, Barry. We're speeding.

All right.

Let's start with... Okay. I'm not drunk.

I'll tell you what, I need a straw.

I'm sorry.

The glass is good. It's this straw. This straw is ridiculous.

This straw is like a mini fellatio.

Lucky straw.

Yeah, seriously.

The most action I've had since November.

Go ahead.

Do you want me to take it easy? Oh, everything's going to be fine. No.

No, just let me have my pity party today. No, no, you're not having a pity

today. Here's why. You've got to go out there and save other people.

We're going to let this town burn down?

No. We're going to stand up and we're going to fight. We're going to go out

there and show people how it's done. Do you have water?

Do you have water?

Oh, my God.

I really have a UCI coming on.

Wow.

Well, you kind of just killed that little motivational buzz. Sorry, I'm

Let's just do some boxing today, but just don't punch a shadow boxing. All

right, I have to be careful of my nose.

I feel like I need to stretch out first.

I need to just, like, jump around a little and warm up. I need to do, like,

yoga. I need to, like, do a little, like, jump around the ring.

I don't need to do that.

Would you guys mind if I left and I'll be back later?

And honestly, like, I can't jump around or I get panic attacks.

Just close the door and lock up behind you.

Why? Are we annoying you already? No, you're not annoying me. You're annoying

everybody that watches this show.

Did we all handle these tough times perfectly?

Maybe not.

But we did manage to have fun.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to do a game. The game is called Ramona vs.

Sonia.

So.

It's like Red Rover, Red Rover, where Ramona's on one side of the room and

Sonia's on the other side.

I'll say a sentence, and you have to run to that person. Whoever gets the most

points wins.

Ready?

Who is more likely to kiss a stranger?

Sonia gets four points.

Yep. Ramona's the one that will kiss anyone.

Every time I go to a restaurant, she's in the corner making out with some guy.

Ramona loves to play kissy -kissy.

Sonia's make -out sessions are epic.

Oh, my God.

Who is the best wing woman?

Luann! You liar!

All right. You got more dick with me than anybody.

Who took out Luann numerous times and she went home with my date? I mean...

right, next.

Who is the most likely to dance first?

I dance first. That was a close one. I would say Ramona.

Turtle time.

Yeah.

Music. Music.

You got to move, girl.

It's moving me. It's touching me. I really love it.

Who's the most likely to pick a fight?

Ramona.

You, I know that one.

Ramona doesn't pick fights. She just says mean shit sometimes.

Maybe fights are just picking me.

Who hosts the best parties?

You.

Sonia Morgan is a great party thrower. I'm a great party thrower. Ramona, she

likes to leave her own parties. That's another story.

Are you kidding me? You're going to leave your guests at home and go to a

No, you're not. Girl, I want to go out.

Oh, my God. This is like weird white people.

It's seriously some weird eyes wide shut.

People are going to start putting on goat masks, and I'm going to end up

taken in a back room and be made to be someone's bitch.

Really? Really? Really? Really? Really?

Disgusting. Wow.

Oh, wow.

Or her.

I

don't even know how

to do that cackle that Ramona does because it's...

Eppin' crazy. It's just crazy.

Who's most likely to steal your date?

Luann!

Luann! Luann!

Luann! Luann!

I've seen Luann in action, baby. Don't leave your man around Luann, child. He

ain't gonna be there when you get back.

The winner of the game is... 27, Ramona Singer.

Uh -oh.

28...

Not coming up.

Do you have another hour of organizing? I don't know.

I know. I feel like we're always organizing stuff. You know what it is?

just like I love this apartment, but I didn't expect you to be living here too.

And it's hardly enough room for me. I mean, I've hardly taken up any space,

please. Well, you don't use the second room at all other than it's like a

with makeup.

Okay. How about just not enough room for me?

But you don't understand.

Okay, my daughter doesn't live at home with me anymore. I don't have the

to see my child every day or every week. And if you can't understand that, these

girls can't, then I'm sorry. I understand where you're coming from. No,

don't. I do.

No, you don't, okay? You don't. You just kicked your daughter out of your house,

for God's sake. I did not kick her out. What are you talking about? I didn't

kick her out. Don't say, now, like, oh, I can't see my daughter. You just told

your daughter to get herself her own apartment. I didn't really mean it.

Anyway. Come on.

You can't play both sides. You made your point.

Next subject.

Welcome back to another edition of What Happens Next.

So the rules are simple. We're going to show you never -before -seen footage,

and then you have to tell us what happens next.

Round one.

Wow, you look like ready to play tennis. Are you a good player?

Bitch, no.

I like the dress for it. Ramona hires a couple of gentlemen to teach us tennis.

Hello. Hello. Hi. How you doing?

Come on in.

Mm -hmm. Right? Drum roll.

Oh.

Hi. Oh, hello. How are you? Good morning. Hi.

I'm Michael.

Hi, Michael. I'm Luann. They're with me.

Hi, Michael. Ebony.

Christian. Nice to meet you. Michael and Christian. Come on, guys.

Bye. She's on a mission, honey.

Bye. See you guys later.

No, those girls are competitive. They never want to play with me because I

play as well as them.

So Ramona got me a lesson. I'm the last person to complain about getting two hot

tennis instructors at once.

Who doesn't like two at the same damn time?

You know what that means, right?

It's so dirty.

I like the effort.

You just put the racket down and start playing with your hand?

Anything I can do.

I don't play at all. Are you sure? Because you look like you play.

I haven't even hit a ball in literally, you might not even been born yet. Oh,

really?

Sorry. All right, swing up into it.

How are the girls doing?

They're getting there.

I've definitely seen worse.

So that's a compliment, I guess. That was a shady compliment.

I mean, where is Ramona?

My secret.

Get rid of my wrinkles.

No wrinkles. I have no wrinkles. So how often do you play tennis? Not often, and

that's why the girls don't play with me. Careful of the dog.

What happens next?

A. Sonia hits Luann with her racket.

B. Marley humps the tennis ball.

C. Lou asks for both guys' numbers.

Or D.

Sonia eats a muffin covered in ants.

God,

that feels good.

Yeah. Are you good?

Yes. I'm still absorbing. Okay. You go.

Oh, my God. I just ate all the ants on my muffin.

Hey, I'm cutting out carbs and I'm adding protein.

You don't really taste them.

Round two.

In Salem, Sonia informs the ladies that she was visited by spirits.

So no spirits in your room? No, I slept really well. I heard last night, hello.

You heard that in your room?

Yeah, did you hear that?

No, it's haunted. I heard, I heard, hello.

And I woke up, it was like four o 'clock.

And I go, this is stupid.

What happens next?

A, Ramona says, that was me. You passed out in my room.

B, Luann asked if the ghost was single.

C, Sonia says that the ghost told her to stop taking pills.

Or D, Leah gets upset that no ghost visited her.

So then I lie down. I go, go back to sleep. It's only four. And you don't

singer. You're not going to wake up early. You're going to sleep.

I look up at the chandelier, and it starts going like that. And I was like,

what? Really? And a red dot in the middle of it. I'm like, what?

And then my bag of pills started rattling.

In the dream or in real life? No, in real life last night. Oh, my God.

Not even moving.

One or two of the bottles fell, and then you hear all the pills go.

And I go, stop.

You're talking to me, pills.

Right? So I was like, what is the message?

Your problem isn't alcohol or your weight or anything.

Are you saying that the pill, like the water pill, is causing you to have...

Shut up about the drinking.

The pills are speaking to you. That does not make sense. That's not confusing.

All I'm telling you is that spirit told me last night I got to get off the pill.

Well, if you believe that story, I got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.

Round three.

In Salem, Luann gets a message that it's time to get her first tattoo.

Hi. Good morning, honey. How are you?

I feel good. I'm just, like, getting ready and drinking coffee. Guess what

is. What?

Lotus Day.

No. I swear to God. Wait.

Oh, wait. You have to get the tattoo today. I've got to get the tattoo today.

you want to go with me and get this?

Oh, yeah. I can't wait.

I wanted to get a tattoo last night, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Do you have some pictures of, like, maybe some spiritual things? Like lotus.

I don't really know what I want. So I passed, and I'm glad I did, because it

a sign from the heavens that I needed to get the lotus tattoo.

Ready? Yes.

Hi.

Hello. How are you guys? Hi, we're back. Welcome back. I'm in.

It's my very first time.

I'm so excited.

Thanks for letting us do your first tattoo.

Honestly,

I think that I might have a tiny bit to do with her getting the tattoo. So now

the women don't have only me to make fun of for having tattoos. They can make

fun of Luann.

Remember the one I showed you, which is the lotus with the dot, dot, dot? Yep.

That's the one I wanted. We have a few different sizes just to see, like, which

size you would be comfortable with. Okay, cool.

It's my first tattoo. This is Salem. So why not go bold?

It's going to look so good on you.

It's really, like, perfect for you. It is.

Yeah. You feel it, like. Yeah, I feel it. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, absolutely. Me too. I've never been so sure about anything.

Not even about my second marriage.

Well, honestly, I hope you're more sure about this than you were about the

second marriage.

What happens next?

A, Luanne gets a small tattoo on her wrist.

B, Luann chickens out when she sees the needle.

C, Luann gets a tramp stamp.

Or D, Luann gets a face tattoo of her own face.

All right, we're here. Sorry.

Sorry about that.

Perfect timing. We picked out some things for you if you like. Thank you.

know, we can't wait to find out. What? What'd you get? What'd you get? I had a

little change of heart.

Okay. You got a heart now?

She nuts. No way. You've got to be kidding me.

She's off the rails these days.

They're looking at Luann as if she just told them that she's pregnant.

It's my rebirth.

It's like, it's a big deal.

No, I can't. I can't believe you don't like it. It's temporary.

You're lying.

If it was real, I'd have a bandage. Busted, busted.

Okay, there, okay.

We have to go to T. Martin. Who wants to get us out of our comfort zone?

First thing you got to do, you got to spit that gum into that garbage can. Oh,

Lord. No, no, no. Not throw it. Spit it. Like a real, come on, like a real

Brooklynite. I want to see Ramona do it. Oh, my God.

Ramona. Come on. Next.

All right, but you have to.

What happens next?

A. Ramona says, this is stupid, and leaves.

B. Ramona wants another chance and picks up her gum off the floor.

C. Ebony lectures the ladies on the history of spitting.

D. Leah misses and blames Ramona for lying about donating blood plasma.

drinks with you either. You like that guy?

Well, I mean, I liked our 20 -minute conversation that ended after you told

I can't poop.

I'm sorry. He was so scared.

What should I do with these?

Central interns?

Oh, interns?

Yeah. We need bodies around here. Okay. Who are willing to do...

Because you're going back to school.

Yeah.

Oh, this girl wants to assist, but she's so beautiful, so blonde. I don't want

to be, like, prejudiced, but when I see a beautiful blonde, let's get her in.

Her resume is awesome.

This guy looks to me gay, so I want to see him because he'll help me style my

clothes. This one, I have no idea how she found me, and she's only a 3 .0, but

love all the charity work she's done.

So, yeah, that's why they're the top four.

Some people don't understand why I have interns, but at my age, I have so much

wisdom and experience to share.

Do you want me to keep going?

He has to go as deep as possible before shoving the wings down, because if you

don't, you get a half a cork like you did last time.

And go slow.

Now, I have another cork. I feel like I'm learning something else. If you

know these things, it's just very hard to survive in the real world.

I don't like to do a lot of laundry because my housekeeper comes and spends

day doing laundry. I think, you know what, I'm just going to wear the dress

again. I'm going to use the same napkin.

But again, with COVID, you got to be careful. Yeah, okay.

I think I did pick up dog food with one of these.

Ooh.

So come join the Sonia Morgan Internship Program.

Learn things like Real World Fashion 101.

It's like Mary Poppins up in here.

How does this work? Come on.

It's like one of those Hermes. Oh, my God.

This is Hermes?

Not your kind of Hermes. My kind of Hermes. The kind you get in a gift bag.

It's like a life preserver.

Here you go.

Here. How does it work?

This is not.

I'm sorry. You're not supposed to touch people's boobs anymore. It's not PC.

Oh, wait. I didn't think of that.

And then what's this? Does it go over your head or the other one? Oh, my.

Oh, God. We're not doing this right, I don't think.

How's that? Is that good? Good. Chic. Chic c 'est la vie. Chic. This is not

protecting me from... Oh!

It's when you buy clothes.

You put it over the hanger of the clothes. Now you're lying.

Oh. I wanted to make you feel special.

Oh. All right. You'll just have to be wet.

I have noticed you didn't poop.

When you don't poop, it shows.

I pooped already. Remember? I broke the toilet. Yeah, you blew up the third

floor. It was a mess.

I walked in and you had the robe on the ground and you were like, there's poop

water everywhere.

I wait for the poop to dissolve overnight.

Yeah, I know because I can smell it.

You smelled it? Yeah.

Holy shit.

Holy shit. Well, it's out there for like a day and a half.

You see his butt has poop on it?

Now watch this. Hot water.

That's a really good water pressure.

That's too much for his asshole.

Marley, wait, do we need to put soap on him?

Okay, give me the squirt, give me the squirt.

The crunchies are softening up. Rinse it up.

Oh yeah, that feels good. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff in this house. Oh man, if

someone licked my butt clean like this.

If you don't know how to remove a dingleberry from your poodle's butt,

you're in big trouble.

I mean, you're really behind the ball.

and the poop he's gonna get a treat marley yay he gets the good treats too

boy i tried them they were delicious you ate one of his treats well yeah i

wanted to see if they tasted good they look like granola with like raisins i

hungry the girls always say i smell like mothball smell you have to have

mothball uh you know whatever those things are I had a cat growing up. We

them. We came home. We were dead.

But if you have these moth balls, it kills all the moths that eat your

May kill your cat, which is not a good thing. I was very upset. I was

traumatized. I came home. My cat was dead. He was dead.

Did you call the exterminator to tell him we have moths? Because I saw moths

the little traps. Mm -hmm. And I also saw holes in my sweaters. Oh. That means

the moths are here. I read on TV, if you put your...

In the freezer, it kills the moths. Larvae.

But I didn't do any of that. Who's going to put it in the freezer? Not me.

So I buy mothballs, and then Luanne and Ramona are like, oh my god, you smell so

bad.

You smell like a mothball. But at least my sweaters are good.

When you buy something, you put the date on it. So you see how we put the date?

Me and Emma just sniff everything before we eat it.

Well, I just had an upper GI bacterial problem. I think it's because I eat old

food and take old vitamins. Some of my vitamins are from, like, 2006, and they

have mold on them, and I've been taking them. And she's just popping them. She

made me throw all that stuff out. The juice. The juice.

The ingredients were, like, may cause illness.

And it was, like, two years old.

Her food will be from two weeks ago, and she's, like, yummy. Tastes good. Ready

to eat. And I'm, like, I don't see mold. I eat it.

If you see mold, you need it. I did eat mold.

Yeah. You're like, you know, that's mold. I'm like, yeah, but it doesn't

bad. If this sounds as if it's for you, come join the Sonia Morgan Fashion

Internship. This internship will get you one step closer to the next step.

Not coming up.

You want to laugh?

Yeah, I'll ask. I bought this extra picture.

My aunt came to visit me at work. That is not Halloween. That's me at work.

Oh, he worked at Hooters. We love Hooters. You worked at Hooters, Ebony?

Remember we met the Hooter guy? He's the owner of Hooters. Well, tell them I'm

their most successful story of life.

Oh, really?

You were? Who else is most successful? Who the bitch you know? Yeah.

Friday night.

Woohoo! Party.

Um, alright, so... Ugh.

Yeah.

Ugh.

Oh my god.

Really?

I'm sorry, I know it's turning you on. I'm going to stop.

Leah. Yeah?

Who is that? Is that a friend?

Yeah, that's my friend.

Is that good?

One, two, one, two.

Yeah, but don't talk into it. One, two.

Penis, vagina, anal sex.

Sorry. Normally, not into it.

If there's anything we all have in common, it's that we're a lot.

And we can be a little overwhelming for people that are in our orbit.

I love Ramona Singer, but don't you...

What do you think about my new friends?

They're interesting.

Interesting. Yeah.

I always dance with a guy right away. You know my trick.

When I meet a guy, I dance right away. I smell behind their ears. They don't

smell right to me. Forget that. They have to smell right. You smell behind

ears. Yeah, and I also smell the penis. She's like, oh, what?

Hold on. How do you smell the penis?

She's got a very good sense of smell. How do you smell the penis?

Do you fall?

I'm like, what do you do? She's like, you know, those dogs that hunt truffles.

Nat, can you just participate a little bit more? I am. Thank you.

So, Nat, why are you not giving the people full Natalie vibes?

I have nothing to say.

Oh, it looks like your face is saying a lot. Yeah, my face is saying a lot.

If it doesn't smell right, don't insert.

Doesn't pass the sniff test?

No. We don't. I don't. But to each their own, right? Yeah, sure.

I don't.

Nat, do you want to scoot down?

I feel bad for Natalie sometimes because every time I open my mouth, she does

blush.

When we hang out together, this is not what goes down.

We laugh, we drink, we stay in our seats. We don't jump out of our chairs.

Shut up!

You know, listen, I get very passionate because Ramona has manipulated me for

years. She is a master manipulator. She knows how to push my button.

Yeah, girl.

Okay, sure.

I know.

Crazy, right?

And when I saw her post a picture with Miss Ebony, at first I was like, I would

have liked to have posted a picture with Ebony, my new friend.

I'm not surprised that these women are your new friends.

Okay. That maybe feels a little like shade, but okay.

I even asked you, like, how long are we going to do this?

Yeah, so how long are we about to do this? Okay, stop.

That was rude, by the way. Yeah, but I was ready to go.

I was ready.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's her.

That's her, and that's why she's getting club soda. True, but you know.

I'm trying to get her sober up a little bit. Okay.

I'm hot.

Tonya, here's your Tito's.

I like Sonia. I think Sonia, she's fun.

But the energy is very overwhelming.

It's loud.

It's the dog is all over the table.

Whoa. On the table.

Angel's like, she's OK to be on the table as long as she doesn't eat all the

food on the table. Carrie gets on the table sometimes, too.

See, you know, I mean, I like dogs, but Angel, come here. Not around my food.

You know, Natalie's a bit bougie, if you haven't noticed. Oh, wait, look at this

one. He's licking the dip. Oh, no, no, no, not the dip. The dip.

We need more dip.

Okay, I don't have any more honey. Oh, well, Carrie was licking the top of it.

Okay, why are you telling me like I'm your mother?

Carrie, she's cute, but not on my food.

Look at Carrie. I can't. Carrie, that's for me. Oh, my God.

A bitch better stay away from my food.

No, she just doesn't like Carrie. That's all it is. No, Carrie's cool.

Okay.

But... That's about as cool as you could be. Okay, maybe I don't like Carrie.

Yeah, you don't. You don't like Carrie. That's okay.

Kitchen was in.

Floors were in.

They were putting in the marble in the bathrooms, which is like really nice

Carrara marble, which I love. What are you doing?

I'm licking on you.

She's not going to lick on you. Do not lick on me.

Why is she showing me, Mommy?

Isn't she so cute?

She looks like you, actually.

You're a liar.

She does not look like you.

Her big old eyes. This chocolate and black? Let's see.

Let me look.

I think y 'all look like cousins.

Girl.

I mean, she was licking and stuff. I mean, she does lick, but she's not going

lick you. Okay. Y 'all look just alike.

Stop.

Especially with you in this all black.

Because I'm brown.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

She's a pretty girl.

Mm -hmm.

Not coming up.

Awesome. Yeah, that's dope, Ruth. Yeah?

Ooh!

Wow, you really look like a witch.

Oh, I love that. Are we ready?

Okay.

Here, like this for me? Okay. You kind of lean up against it. Can I have a seat

right here like this for me? Can I ask you to put your camera away?

Why? Because we're going to take lots of pictures of you. I won't get them. Just

give me a moment, Ramona. I don't trust anybody.

Well, you can take your mask off. I'm trying to run a photo studio.

I understand.

Come on, bossy pants. Get in here.

I'm honestly doing this for pure entertainment purposes for myself

just want to see Ramona in a witch outfit.

Awesome. Okay, everyone look over here. Give me a big smile.

Witch. And you're going to cackle like evil witches.

I may have to convert to paganism, not Judaism.

Visit Salem.

A remarkable place where you can live by your own rules.

Who's setting the table with place cards?

Anyone can sit wherever you want.

this crap, okay? This is like weird.

Oh, shit.

Who's sitting there? But I'm going to stay here because I like this. Oh, shit.

Was her place there?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What happened?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Who started this? Okay, there's water in the flowers. Leah likes to make a fire.

Look at this. I'm sorry. What happened there? I don't know.

You burned my name.

I'm sorry.

Leah.

You burned your name. I know.

In Salem, we don't march to the beat of a different drummer. We dance to it.

What happened to our really bad Bravo music? Yeah, put that back on, please.

want our bad Bravo music.

You know,

this is actually a tweet.

This is what tweaking is. Sonia's not twerking.

Sonia's tweaking.

Got it. Well, that's a good twerk. Wait, wait. No, you have to like, no, you

have to move your legs.

I would love to say that Sonia's twerking was the wildest dancing we saw,

Are you in the market for a place to have a wicked, stupid argument?

Choose fail.

One more round before you change your mind.

That's one.

So apparently these guys are like the best tattoo shop in New England.

They're the best, ladies and gentlemen. They're the best.

Wait, my pose is over there.

You got your pose? I got my pose.

So I need to know, pose, is this like... Can you get Fosé anywhere? Okay, so I'm

going to give you a lowdown. So I love Fosé all day, right?

I'm like, you know what? I'm going to make my own. And, you know, I want it to

be called Fosé. How do you spell it? F -O -S -E?

F -O -S -E? No, F -O -S -E.

No, F -O -S -E.

Fosé, like it's a play on Fosé, like a faux pas. Like a faux pas. But shouldn't

it be F -A -U -X?

F -A -U -X, yes.

It's F -E -U -X.

Faux is F -A -U -X. Faux is F -A -U -X.

Okay. No, I'm thinking about you.

Let's Google it. No, Ebony, you are so wrong. It's F -A -U -X. I am a faux pas.

No, Ebony, I don't want to embarrass you.

Ramona's got it.

Faux, F -A -U -X. Not genuine, fake, or false. F -A -U -X.

Every minute you talk to Ebony, she's trying to be right.

Because I'm going to tell you how it is.

I'm going to let you know how to spell.

Girl, enough.

No, Ebony, you are so wrong if you're saying how you spell faux.

I'm not.

Hold on, she's a lawyer. She's getting into it. Go, girl.

Ebony's wrong.

I'm about to embarrass her. Wow.

Y 'all, I know it's in Louisiana.

Okay. That spelling.

Okay. E -A -U -X is the long O sound.

So then how do we explain faux pas, you know? No, that's also correct.

Right. They're both correct.

Okay, you're not wrong.

You're not wrong.

Okay,

we can go now.

I'm actually dying that this conversation is happening over the

I'm not even spelling it either way, so I don't know what you guys are arguing

about, but this is not it.

Come to Salem, kid, like you got anything better to do.

How's the real estate stuff going?

It's a lot more work than I thought it would be. It's a lot. I don't

Real estate agents are like a dime a dozen out in the Hamptons. Not anymore.

lot of them are not that bright. I understand.

It can't be that difficult.

Well, you know what?

She's a perfectionist. She doesn't want to just pass.

She wants 100.

I know. I know how you are, girl, because we're the same way.

Cheers, girl. I think you're going to have your own brokerage firm.

Ooh, I like that you think big for me. I love that. I do.

Let's put it out there. And I think you're going to be a judge. I think so,

Sonya Morgan.

Oh, my God. I could totally do you as a judge. Really?

Are you kidding? I think I'd be a good judge, to be honest with you. I cannot

tell if I would rather be the next Judge Judy or the next Thurgood Marshall.

I'd be Thurgood. You think like a...

I've actually thought about that. I see Judge Judy.

I'm like, Judge Judy's a good gig.

That's a good gig.

What? I mean, you have such an impact on the world and America. Judge Judy has

an impact on the world, too. That's true. That's true. Judge Judy has an

on the world? Judge Judy is a boss bitch. I'm here for it all the way. And

really is grossly underestimated. But, Ebony, you don't think Thurgood Marshall

impacts the world?

No, of course. No, of course. You know I do. Oh, okay. You went to Harlem

dinner. Okay. Right. I know.

My sister, Maya Angelou, behind you. Exactly right. Oh, there's shrimp.

the shrimp? Where's the shrimp?

Not coming up.

Oh my God. Look at this. Hi.

Oh, hello.

Hi there.

That's what a job.

That's a job. Wow. I give them so much praise. I can tell you.

It's fine. I'll hear they come again.

Wait.

Last time they just waved.

Take this off.

Come here.

Yes, you have to take this off.

Sir.

I mean, I don't feel like I want to be imprisoned in this apartment.

Women is very much like being in a sitcom.

I never know what they're going to say. I never know what they're going to do.

But that's part of the fun.

She held my hand like we did in the Berkshires. And she was like, I love

Sonia. And I'll always protect you and your daughter. And I love you so much.

And I was like, good night, Ramona.

The poodle was creeping in between us, too. Right. I feel like if a guy doesn't

eat your ass, he's not a real man.

I'm Ebony. You might be wondering how I got myself into this predicament.

Okay, so where were we? I feel like if a guy doesn't eat your ass, he's not a

real man.

You just thought you'd put that out randomly?

No, I was just thinking about it.

But do you get your butt waxed then?

I hope so. Because nobody likes hair in their mouth.

Because I got a chubby, hairy...

It does. I feel like the back door doesn't hurt at all. That's the part

doesn't hurt.

Oh, you're saying having sex in the back door doesn't hurt? No, I didn't say

that. I'm thinking your booty wet doesn't hurt.

Oh, I wouldn't know. Oh, you never got wet? I don't do that Brazilian wet.

But I did. No, Sonia's booty looks like that.

I got a poopy booty. That's Sonia's booty over there.

They can go down there and talk about their hiney.

asses and JJ's and it's just not me. And I'm never going to be that girl.

I'm not going to be that girl. I'm Audrey Hepburn. Did Audrey Hepburn ever

this? No.

Alright, what's the menu? My mother used to always forget something.

So did I. But okay.

Salad, jar, string beans, salmon and couscous. Perfect.

Okay.

Where did I put my drink?

Okay. I'm losing it.

I guess I'm a little, am I a little nervous?

Maybe. All right, here's to me.

Are you cheersing yourself?

Yeah, here's to me. I got, I realize I haven't seen your dad. We haven't seen

him since what, June?

I know, since, because he usually comes in once a month when we always have

dinner. I'm nervous having Mario over for dinner.

Really, Ramona? Really?

Do I do this too?

Yeah. Do I do the string beans? I'm very, all of it, I light it up?

Yeah. Oh, you think that's your dad?

Yeah,

there's your mom.

A slave in the kitchen.

Hi. How are you? I'm good. Good to see you.

It's been a while.

Yep. We just realized we spent three months with you, and we haven't seen you

three months. That's correct.

I have to say, I do miss your cooking down in Florida.

Well, you just have to come to New York more often. No, you come back down. Is

that an offer?

You mean an invite?

Yeah.

Really,

Mario? Really?

I kind of remember these plates.

Avery, oh, my God.

Holy. Oh, my God. Avery, Avery. Holy.

What happened? What?

You told me to put everything on fire. No, no, not the back. This thing.

She put that on. Oh, my God.

What? What's in there?

Frick me out.

Take a deep breath. It's no big deal. At least it wasn't the salmon.

Avery, just so you know, baby, the back part was the string beans that go on

after the water boils.

I literally asked you, should I light everything on fire?

And you said, yes.

We can replay the tape. Do I do this, too?

Yeah. Do I do the string beans? I'm very... Yeah. All of it? I light it up?

Yeah. Okay, Avery, use your head, okay?

So I think I lost my job as sous chef.

Avery, really?

Why don't you get the salad?

Because we might have ruined the string beans because she put it on an empty

thing.

She put it on an empty thing?

I don't know. I asked Mom if I should... Light everything up on the stove.

And I didn't really look at it. I just went, I just turned all the knobs.

Like mother, like daughter.

Hey, come on. Bon appetit. All right, so we did it. Group effort.

Here's to the trifecta.

Three musketeers.

We're back in a different way.

Streaming's up perfect.