Original subtitles

For millennia, humans have wondered, where does our sense of self reside in

body? Ancient Egyptians believed the answer was in our heart. But the

If you all wouldn't mind silencing your phones.

The Greeks believed our self and identity was formed in the brain.

modern times, the question remains unanswered.

I'm sorry, but...

Whoever's phone keeps going off, be a champ and step out, would you?

We don't hear anything.

What is this, some kind of a prank?

No one hears that. What is he talking about?

Seriously, what is that?

Where's it coming from?

Did the chief know your pocketing hospital supplies?

Uh, well, I certainly hope not, because that guy is a real pain.

Listen, Wolf, I, um, I wanted to say thank you for all the care you've taken

with Jorge and his recovery. Well, that is how it works, Nichols. You save them

on the table even when they fall 39 floors to what should have been certain

death, and I make sure that they are set up for recovery when they wake up. I

know you go above and beyond. That is a frustrating thing that you do, but it

means a lot to me.

With this patient. Does that mean you trust my judgment now and you'll give me

free reign of the neuro budget?

Maybe if I wasn't such a pain.

What was that?

The flirting, the looks, the yearning.

You and the chief.

Interim chief.

And there's nothing to tell. Wolf, how long have we been working here?

Not that long. You know I'm never going to let this go.

It was a pleading down situation, Jeff. Never DTR.

We're totally different people. We didn't even get along at first.

enemies to lovers, classic.

Well, things were actually going well at first, and until life got complicated,

I stood him up at his awards dinner.

You left that man on his big night?

Standing alone in a tux in the rain?

I don't think it was raining. You don't make it easy on a guy, Wolf, but now I

need my dads together.

No, no, no. He's chief. Intram.

Chief.

And that didn't stop your mother.

It's gay's anatomy up in here.

And I am fully invested.

Sam, how have you been?

It feels like I'm caught in this loop.

Every day's the same. I wake up.

The clock starts again. I've got 12 hours to figure out where I'm going to

next.

Shelters.

Fill up quick.

I wander around the city, pop in for a movie at the dollar theater when the

weather's bad.

I like the old ones where they talk a lot.

Helps drown out the noise.

When I need cash, I house a chest at the park.

It's not much, but it gets me by.

Then I do it all over again.

Being unhoused can lock the brain into a trauma response state. It makes us feel

trapped in a survival mode cycle.

It's my fault.

People don't trust me.

They assume I'm an addict. I make them uncomfortable.

Can you tell

us more about the voices?

It's like demons in my head. What about medication?

I think the ED gave you a spirit off. I don't like what they give me.

It turns me into something else.

Just a zombie.

I don't feel like me anymore.

Well, that's not uncommon.

It takes time to find the medication and the dosage that works best for you. And

that's my job.

The emergency department's job is to stabilize you and to provide a hot and

for our psych patients.

It's good enough for me.

Well, it's not good enough for us.

We can do better.

Sam has had 25 hospitalizations since his first psychotic break four years

After he moved here to attend NYU, and exactly zero of those times did he get a

true workup to see if any of the symptoms were organic. I thought he was

diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Yes, by some doctors, gets affected by others, even bipolar.

Everybody always writes him off because of his situation.

I actually didn't see any presentation of mania or any other signs of an

episode. Schizophrenia is the more probable diagnosis.

A psych diagnosis, Dr. Kinney, which after all these years and how he's

presented, does seem the most likely scenario here. Which doesn't mean that

can't figure out a treatment to help him better navigate his life. But there's

probably no miracle cure that's going to fix him. I know that.

But Sam told us he was ready to get help. And he showed back up for his

appointment.

I just think he deserves good, genuine, unbiased care.

Because his is not the type of case that people take an interest in.

So then why the interest from you, Dr. Kinney? Because you taught us that every

patient matters.

Because you're the best teacher I've ever had, Dr. Wolf.

And also you, Dr. P. Well,

I cannot argue with my own advice.

Go ahead and admit, Sam.

I agree.

I know she takes after me, but I'm not that relentlessly persistent, am I?

I think it's time for the next step, as in our

relationship. I was thinking maybe you could meet my friends.

Okay. Yeah? Yeah.

Well, a group of first responders and I started a kickball league. It's super

casual. We go to Flanagan's afterwards.

And there's a game tomorrow.

Come in.

Always been a Sandlot girlie.

That's baseball.

Right. Yeah.

Your next consult's waiting inside, Dr. Wolfe. Charts on the desk. Thank you.

Hey there, I'm Dr. Wolfe. How are you doing today?

Already better now that you're here.

Thank you for seeing me on such short notice. Why don't you tell me what's

on?

I'm, well, I'm experiencing, I don't even know what to call it, a song.

A song?

I keep hearing it, sporadically, one particular song. It's like a radio

on and off in my head, incredibly distracting. I'm in the city for work

completely derailed my trip.

And what do you do?

I'm somewhat of a historian.

I specialize in the fringe facets of medicine.

Did you know that mercury was the primary treatment of syphilis for

years before... Before the discovery of penicillin in the 1940s.

You haven't changed a bit.

I'm sorry?

You really don't recognize me, Oliver.

are you here i happen to be in new york and in need of a neurologist and your

name your name kept coming up i wasn't sure if you'd remember me

well and of course i remember you is

it happening right now i need your help

And again, tell me where the sound is the loudest.

The first position?

Or the second position?

The first one.

Okay.

God, I'm so glad you could see me. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

You were right to come in.

I would like to admit you just to run some tests.

It's comforting to see that some things never change. We're still collecting

rocks. Oh, not a rock, a mineral. Lapidolite, to be specific.

It's actually one of the few naturally occurring sources of lithium. Okay.

If you could tell me a little bit about the song, when you hear it, are there

other symptoms?

Flashing lights or muscle weakness? Pain?

It's not exactly painful, but there's like a pressure that builds in my head.

try to relieve it sometimes by holding my nose and blowing to pop my ears. It

seems to dampen the effect a bit.

Can I ask...

What song is playing? Maybe there's some significance.

That's what's so funny.

Oliver knows it.

It's that song from our summer together.

But what could it possibly mean?

It means that he never forgot you and that he's back to rekindle the flame. It

was 30 years ago.

I still can't believe that Tom is here.

Okay, I honestly thought that you made him up.

Like a Canadian boyfriend no one ever meets? He wasn't a boyfriend at all,

Canadian or otherwise. It was one summer. We shared one kiss. One magical

and one clearly memorable kiss.

And I love the idea of you dating again.

I mean, I sometimes worry that you don't think that you're relationship

material, but you are.

Relationship material? Carol, please, don't mock me. I'm not. I'm being

I mean, I thought you and Josh were kind of circling something again, but...

Why do you say that? Did he say something?

Is it something you want to say?

Well, don't you think that my relationship with Josh proves that I'm

relationship material?

I messed everything up. So un -messed it up, then. I don't know how to do that.

But I do know neurology, so perhaps we could focus on that instead of my love

life. Oh, if we must.

Tom's case is exceedingly unique.

Although music is obviously such a powerful force in our psyche, in his

it's hard to know whether it's organic or purely psychological.

Maybe.

Seeing you again is triggering him to hear your song.

This isn't a bad romantic comedy, Carol.

He heard the song before he came in. The song is incidental.

I'm worried it might be symptomatic of a tumor.

AVM, maybe?

Auditory hallucinations can accompany all sorts of psych diagnoses.

Do you have any ideas about his mental health history? I haven't seen him in

decades. I don't know who he is at all.

Well, maybe this is an opportunity to get to know him. I'm going to get to

his brain.

Starting with labs, a CT, and an EEG to get a sense of what's going on in there

when that song is playing.

Well, maybe the machine will spit out a picture of the two of you.

We're supposed to tell our patients that they're going to feel a slight pinch,

but it's more like a jellyfish sting. And we're going to need you to stay

completely still.

I can handle a little pain.

Okay.

We've numbed the area with local anesthetics, so you're going to feel

slight pressure.

I think I had a nerve. We can't continue with him in this state for patients

with schizophrenia.

No, he doesn't want the drug. So then this procedure is over.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. You're okay.

We got you. You're okay. You're okay.

I finally got approval to do a workup on Sam, but it's basically impossible to

stick a needle in his spine without the voices in his head yelling.

LP fail. We've all been there, right? I haven't.

How about I'll work on Sam, and you go play kickball with Katie and her

Come on.

Sports plus strangers equals peak day -to -day social anxiety.

Unless...

you'd like to come with.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry. It's a ticking clock. I don't know how much longer we'll be able to

keep Sam in the hospital. But what about the voices in my head?

The ones saying, they're all going to love you.

Oh, my God. Dana, that's it.

What? I told Sam to ignore the hallucinations, but how can I expect him

that if I don't know what he's hearing?

If I want to get Sam to trust me, I have to find out what they're saying.

So glad my deeply rooted insecurities helped someone.

I'll go with it.

Fair warning, though, I get a little competitive. Really? You'd play kickball

for me? Yeah. Used to be my game back in middle school.

Those bitches won't know I'd hit them.

Maybe don't call them bitches.

Low your roll, Bobby Fisher.

Work our way to the night.

If the board was a battlefield, pawns were.

Pawns are the least powerful pieces.

Sam, what did you hear just now?

Sometimes it's like, feels like ten different radio stations on at the same

time.

Just helps me shut them up. Can I ask what the voices are saying? It's not

really easy to tell.

Unless it's Lawrence.

He's a loudmouth.

Right now he's saying, I'm the pawn.

I'm weak, expendable, waste of space.

He said there was no point in doing the test, because if I died, nobody would

miss me.

I know it's not real, but... You hear the same voice long enough, you start to

believe it.

Lawrence.

Hi.

Listen carefully.

You're wrong.

Sam isn't weak at all.

He is brave. He is brave to be here right now. He is brave to get help.

And if anything were to happen to him, I would miss him.

Maybe, uh...

We could try the test again.

You got it.

And I might have a way to get you through it this time.

You know what song lives rent -free in my head? Golden from K -Pop Demon. K

Demon Hunters.

I'm obsessed.

Tom,

why don't you get comfortable and the moment you hear the song, let us know.

It may take a while. I'm not sure what triggers the episodes.

Darn. How will we pass the time?

I know dishing about Dr. Wolf. Tell me, Tom, what was he like as a youth?

Sorry. I'm smart.

A bit intense.

Handsome, but didn't know it.

Woefully ignorant of popular culture. When I finally did get him to open up,

felt like I'd solved the Riemann hypothesis.

Weird. He's totally an open book now.

What's happening?

This song is actually a seizure. I'm having

seizures.

We should not be aware of that.

Not all seizures are the same. In your case, the actual event manifests as a

song in your head. Each time you hear the song, it represents another seizure.

We call it musical hallucinations. Most musical hallucinations stem from

psychiatric issues. It's actually... quite rare for seizures to present this

way. If I've been having uncontrolled seizures for days, I'm at risk of brain

damage at the very least. It's true the frequency of your seizures is extreme,

but you did get here in time, and we'll continue to monitor you closely, and

we'll start you on an anticonvulsant right away, if that's the course of

treatment you agree to. We can try you on various medications until we find the

right one to help suppress the seizures. We're going to get this under control,

Tom.

Thank you.

I knew I needed you.

On your way to Dr. Nichols' office?

Yes, for a patient consult.

Oh, consulting about the cute Brit in 311, who I hear is also your ex.

I don't know you got around like that, Wolf, but clearly this is an

Um, I don't follow? If I wanted to make my ex jealous, I might let them know

that my other ex had specifically come to me about his seizures.

Especially if they're hot British seizures.

But that's just me.

Yes, that is just you, because I would never.

Okay.

You have time for a consult?

What's up?

Patient with musical hallucinations presenting his seizures. EEG reveals

temporal lobe epilepsy.

Musical epilepsy?

Oh, interesting.

Temporal lobe localized events have been known to activate musical memory traces

in the cortex. How often are the seizures?

Frequent. Are they responding to medication?

I started him a love of iracetam, but I thought maybe you'd want to meet him

because this could be a once -in -a -lifetime case.

Yeah, sure.

I should let you know because I don't want it to be awkward if the patient is

ex.

Right this way, sir.

What is going on?

Welcome to the LP Theater!

You do this just for me?

Studies have shown that a relaxing activity, like a movie, can help

intensity of the voices you're hearing.

An old classic.

Lots of talking.

And after the procedure, we'll open up the snack bar.

Popcorn, chocolate, gum or bears.

You got any therapy straws?

All you can eat.

Shall we head to your front row seat?

Oh,

Tom.

This is Dr.

Nichols, our head of neurosurgery.

And chief medical officer.

And that.

Pleasure. Oh, sorry for this state of undress when you walked in. I just had

freshen up after all those tests.

Though I suppose it's nothing Oliver hasn't seen before.

Right, Wolf mentioned you two used to date.

It was just one kiss ages ago. One, one kiss. One, one kiss ages ago.

But it left quite the impression.

With a cold blue 8 -3 -11.

All right, it's all right.

I got you.

He's having an aggressive temporal lobe seizure, so one milligram of Ativan.

Tom?

Tom? Tom! Hey, I need you to listen to me. Stop. You're going to hurt yourself.

Whoa. His ear.

That was a life -threatening tonic -clonic seizure.

Normally, I would keep trying meds. But the ictal event was clearly an

escalation. The surgery had to be on the tape.

I know this is presenting primarily as a musical hallucination, but the next

time he hears that song, it might be the last thing he ever hears.

Unfortunately, your brain is not responding to any of the medications

tried, and it appears your seizures are getting worse.

We think you have drug -resistant epilepsy, meaning the normal course of

medication won't work. One of the avenues we'd like to explore is a

the temporal lobe that's causing the seizures to occur.

Brain surgery. With seizures that intense, the risk of permanent brain

worse is high.

Rushing straight to surgery, we will perform something called a water test,

where you shut down each side of the brain to figure out where language and

memory are primarily stored. We know the source of your seizures is the left

temporal lobe. We need to see how tied to these functions that area is in your

particular brain.

Dad? Dad? Dad! Guys, I'm so sorry.

We got here as fast as we could.

I can't believe that. This must be a good friend.

Where are my manners?

I'm Rasheed, Tom's husband.

Dang! Get over here. Come loosen up. I want you pulling a hammy. Lucy.

Lucy freaking Lou.

I'm so glad you're here.

Sure. Come on.

All right, everybody. Bring it in to big team.

Andy and I are captains.

All right, for my first choice, I am going with a sure bet. They are quick,

funny, brilliant with a pen light and on a six -game hot

streak. Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! To be clear, my hot streak isn't just confined to kickball.

All right, you're up.

It's all negative.

The imaging, the LP, Dr. Wolf confirmed there is nothing here.

Just false hope.

I disagree.

You got Sam a true diagnosis.

And for what? Now I'm just going to send him out in the world so he can keep

reliving that same day to keep reliving that same trauma.

How is that helping him? It may not be the outcome you wanted, but people live

with schizophrenia every day. You got Sam.

To trust you. He's willing to do the work now. You have to trust him to

his own life and treatment.

I just wish it didn't have to be so hard for him.

You can't wave a wand and make someone's life magically different.

You can't erase the past.

Healing takes time and work and acknowledging reality.

And sometimes that's as difficult for doctors.

As it is for their patients.

Hey, Van, do you think I could get your help with a patient?

Actually, I need Michelle's help. Call me back.

Good job.

You good?

She doesn't even pick me for her team.

Sorry about it.

Hey, do you think Katie dated her?

I think she dated them.

Relax. Not like all of them, like the entire infield.

All right,

bring it in shallow.

Come on, Dana, you got this. Show them who's boss. Let's go.

One by one, I'm coming for them. Keep your eyes down.

list.

I'm the heat wave rising up around, gonna wish that you'd never meet me

Yeah, here we go again, whipping up an evil man, wiping my dirty hands clean.

The WADA test found that in your case, language and memory come from both

temporal lobes in your brain. The risk would be lower if they came from the

opposite side of the temporal lobe causing seizures. And much greater if

primarily stored on the same side. I understand.

So it's somewhere in the middle.

So what do we do? In this particular case, given how aggressive your episodes

are, I believe the risk of surgery is worth it. A temporal lobotomy will

cure or markedly diminish your seizures.

But there are risks, stroke, paralysis, infections, and in extreme cases,

difficulties with language, possible loss of old memories and the inability

form new ones.

So I could wake up with amnesia. I could forget my family, my friends, my past.

I have done this procedure.

hundreds of times, and I'm not boasting when I say that you will be in the very

best hands. Ever since this started, it has warped my brain to maybe lose my

memory, to forget the people that I love, to forget... No, I just... I just

don't know.

I heard you've opted to reject the surgery.

May I ask why?

Because I don't want to stop hearing this song.

Tom, the song isn't important. These seizures are serious. Life -threatening.

But maybe they're happening for a reason.

Since I started hearing it, I've been transported back to our time together.

More than just the memory. The feeling.

As intense as it was.

All those years ago.

Do you remember, Oliver?

I do, of course. I do.

I go back to a sense of time when everything was just possibility.

Will you go somewhere with me?

Hey, good news.

Michelle found a place that'll hold a bed for Sam.

It'll cost them to get the bus out there, but I gave her your number and

going to call you with the details. Oh, amazing.

Really going all out for this patient.

Yeah. I mean, you know how I am.

Thank you so much for this, Sam.

Could I ask just a favor in return?

Yeah.

It's a little awkward, and it might not even come up, but if it does, could you

just tell Michelle that there's nothing between us anymore?

Yeah, of course. I mean, it's true.

Are you guys back together?

We haven't had, like, the official conversation yet, but, yeah, we are.

sounds really nice.

You deserve it.

Things are working out for both of us.

I mean, look at you being all super doctor.

You're going to end up out wolf and wolf.

Except, like, the actual functional human version.

Horses aren't my thing. Yeah, well, neither is making an effort to get along

with my friends, apparently.

It was a lot, okay?

All the butt flaps and the side eyes. And what is with all of the chanting?

Organized sports are literally a cult.

You can be a lot.

Guess I could have given you a heads up. I'm sorry.

My friends are a little bit easier to get along with, is all.

Easy or judgmental?

The way that Erica reacted when you told her it was you who reported Dr. Pierce?

I was the one that lied to her.

And since when do you not like Erica?

It's not that I don't like her.

No one's that perfect.

There's something off about her.

Sam, we've reviewed your paperwork, and there is no evidence of any structural

abnormality. You are physically perfectly healthy.

What you're struggling with is psychiatric.

Yeah.

Honestly, I can't say I'm surprised.

Thanks for trying, though.

Guess this means I gotta go?

We do have to discharge you.

But that's not the end of your care. Beginning tomorrow, I'd like to see you

three times a week with the goal, if you're comfortable...

I'm starting you on a low -dose neuroleptic.

Meds? Not all meds are the same.

And with therapy, we can find non -medical interventions that will help

better live with the voices.

How does that sound?

Yeah. Okay.

I think I can grab a few things for the road.

You're not going to reuse this, huh?

It's all yours.

Dr. Kenny.

We'll work with you on discharge, and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Cool.

Appreciate it.

Thanks, Dr. Pierce.

I called in a couple favors myself.

Got you a stay in a temporary housing facility, and not just for one night.

We'll have to reapply weekly, but you were all set up for the first week.

This folder has everything you need, intake forms, letter of referral from

hospital, and the name of your contact there.

The only downside is that it's all the way out in Queens, so you'll need money

to get there.

Here.

What? Take that. No.

No, no, that's too much. I'm not taking your credit card. Yes, you can.

Because I know you'll be back here tomorrow.

You trusted me enough to stay.

I trust you too.

Thank you.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thank you, guys. This is where we came that summer.

Some things never change, even in 30 years.

Especially in New York.

Well, I think we Brits have you beat on getting mired in history.

Indeed, I've made a whole career out of it. Yes.

You are a worldwide guest lecturing historian.

Married a lovely man.

You have two beautiful children.

Ah, I see now.

This was trying to change my mind, Ice Cream.

Oh, it's true, Tom.

I'm not who you were back then, neither am I.

You've become a smart and handsome doctor, just as I always knew you would.

don't know me, Tom.

Not who I am now.

You remember I told you about how my father died?

Yes. Well, it turns out he didn't.

With his bipolar disorder, he and my mom thought it was best that he not be in

my life, so they devised the lie that he died.

Oh, my God. He disappeared for 30 years, and then he turned up out of nowhere.

Just as I was ready to reconnect, he left the note and disappeared again.

You all right?

I'm not telling you this for sympathy, Tom.

I'm telling you this because those simpler times, they don't exist.

They can't exist again for any of us. We don't get to go back into the past.

Life changes us, and that is not a bad thing, but it is life.

The only option we have is to move forward.

So move forward.

Did you take some of my pills?

What?

I haven't needed these in a while, but I was in my head about Katie and

kickball, and I don't know how many I'm supposed to have left.

What is going on? What?

What do you want me to say?

Yes, I took a couple of your pills.

I just needed them until I could... Until what?

After all of the crap that you gave me about needing meds and reporting Dr.

Pierce, and now you're, what, just casually popping benzos? Do you have any

how dangerous that is? I am not casually doing anything. I mean, do you think

this is fun for me? Do you think I want to be like this?

I have no idea what you're doing because apparently you've been lying to me for

months. You want the truth? The truth is that I am a mess.

I, uh...

Went to that wellness retreat in Mexico to feel better, and I couldn't even

manage to do that right. And so I ended up with 200 milligrams of Benzo in my

suitcase. Oh, Erica.

Yeah.

I let Celia die.

I got out first, and I watched her die.

And that was supposed to be me.

And I'm supposed to be moving on. And I'm supposed to be good. And I'm

to be smart. And I'm supposed to be a good doctor. And I am supposed to keep

together. And I am supposed to figure it out.

And I just... No, no, no.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

made it through the surgery.

Dr. Nichols is very pleased with the result.

I don't think we've met.

What a wolf.

There's no way I could ever forget you.

We've talked about this, but we can't. I don't hear the song anymore.

I should hope not. That was the point of the surgery.

I'm so grateful you got me through this.

Because I love my life.

I love my family.

I love Rashid.

But old friends are nice too.

Maybe that's why this happened.

And I might have made that fit surgeon a bit jealous.

Dr. Nichols?

Don't pretend to be surprised.

You're very bad at it.

And I know I'm right.

Well, if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind it if you were.

Whatever's happened in your life, I always knew you would go on to do the

extraordinary things.

And here you are.

We all have voices in our head.

Voices of the people who shaped us.

Did Sam show back up for his appointment?

Mm -mm.

He was always tomorrow.

It's never too late to seek help.

Yep.

Always tomorrow.

Mm -hmm.

Voices that tell us we're not good enough, no matter how hard we try.

Oh, yeah.

Well, hey.

I just wanted to say thank you for what you did for Tom.

I've been told that's how it works.

I know Tom means something to you. I was glad I could help.

He meant something to me a long time ago, but I've been thinking about what I

want for the future, and I've been thinking about how...

It felt when we were together, and I would like to try again.

I will.

I mean, if it's the chief thing, I get it, but I think we can work around that.

It's not that.

I'm seeing someone, Oliver.

You're... Oh. I was with him before us.

We recently reconnected, and I've been meaning to tell you, but I didn't know

how.

It just happened.

It's, um... You see, you know?

You see?

Right, um... I don't know.

Because of me.

But that sounds good.

I'm sorry, I didn't... No, no, no.

It's okay.

You should be happy.

Josh?

And then there are the voices that tell us we don't deserve

to be loved.

I can understand how you feel.

You understand how I feel?

How long was it we had, honey?

I didn't count the days. I did.

Every one of them.

Mostly I remember the last one.

The wild finish. A guy standing on a station. I was adopted.

With a comical look on his face because he's inside.

You don't know that much about my birth mother, but I know that she had

schizophrenia.

She couldn't.

No one could help her.

She just got lost.

Some of us don't get to be easy.

I know that can feel like it'll always be a curse.

But I promise sometimes it's a gift.

Greg, we'll be right ahead.

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