Original subtitles

Okay, girls, gotta go to work. I'm late.

Where are you working today, Daddy?

Actually, today I'm working for a governmental contractor

under the auspices of the Michigan Department of Highways.

- Wow. - Yeah.

(CHUCKLING)

I'm fixing potholes.

- Well, have fun. Bye-bye, Marty. - Bye.

Okay, girls, we gotta get busy. You know what day Sunday is.

- Valentine's Day. - Yup.

And I bought cards for all your friends.

I always loved Valentine's Day.

Except for when I was in sixth grade and I got braces on my teeth

and the only valentine I got from was this kid named Jason Schumacher.

The kid with head lice.

Then, in eighth grade, the braces came off, the bra came on,

and then, "Hello, valentines." I was swimming in them.

Aunt Jill...

I'm sorry. Okay.

Claire, I have your class roster here.

And your first name is Gary Adams.

Now, the key is to write a really personal little message on them.

Next?

(CHUCKLES) Well, that's a way to go. Okay.

Gracie, your first name is Tommy Anderson.

I'm gonna write a special one to him. He likes me.

That's because he thinks you're me.

Well, that's not a nice thing to say, Gracie.

I'm Claire.

- I knew that. - Hey, guys.

- Guess what's happening on Sunday? - Well, we know,

but we're frankly surprised that you know.

I think I'd remember the day I get my custom shift knob for the hot rod.

Shifter-knob Sunday. And me without a ham.

Custom-made, you know? It's the last piece of the puzzle.

Found it up in Lansing.

Guy's gonna scoot it down here. It'll be here Sunday.

Once I screw it on, the hot rod is complete.

- Finished? Done? Over? - As in over with, finito, that's it.

Wow, girls, your Uncle Tim finally finished the hot rod.

You're finishing your hot rod for Valentine's Day?

- That's right, Claire. - I'm Gracie.

I knew that.

So, do you have any ideas about what to do on the big day?

Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking we could go to Sorrentino's for dinner,

and then go listen to some jazz and then...

You're not talking about Valentine's Day.

You're talking about finishing the hot rod.

Absolutely not. I'm talking about unveiling the hot rod.

Oh.

Well, once I get it finished, I gotta think of some exciting way

to show it to the audience.

Well, how about this? Okay, you start up the engine,

- you drive it out. - I like it.

- People everywhere are cheering. - They're cheering.

Then you make this big announcement.

"This is the last hot rod I will ever build."

Good one.

(JILL SIGHS)

- Well, we're off to school. - You gonna be able to drive?

Yeah. I'll be fine. I just...

I don't know how I'm gonna carry home all those valentines I'll be getting.

I'm sure you'll have plenty of cargo space in that swelled head.

- See you, guys. - All right.

You guys aren't leaving till you both come up with an idea

- about the hot rod show for me. - Dad, I got a geometry test.

Mark, this is important.

How about a real emotional Tool Time?

- Go with it. Come on. - What could be more dramatic

than giving your eldest son the keys to that '46 Ford?

Good one.

- Why don't you just make a video? - A video, sure. What about?

Like a tribute to the hot rod.

You know, with interviews with the people that made it.

A video tribute. That's good.

- That's a great idea. - I like that idea.

- Maybe you could work on it. - You mean, like, create it?

Sure. You did a great job on Brad's soccer video.

But this is a big, professional project.

But it's just a small segment.

I think he can do it. He's been interning down at Tool Time.

- He's been doing a great job. - Thank you, Dad.

- I promise, I won't disappoint you. - Don't disappoint me.

But there's ground rules. Three of them. Big ones.

My show, my show, my show.

(HORN HONKING)

- I gotta go. - All right. And remember,

I want the video up to Tool Time high standards, okay?

Gotcha. I'll blow something up.

(TIM LAUGHS)

It's really nice, your giving Mark this chance.

I've got a lot of confidence in that kid.

And he might be able to bring a younger audience in.

I could reach young tool men and mold them

before their minds are fully functioning.

And after 24 hours, you'll have the appearance

of natural wood grain on your aluminum door.

Now, that's what I call a simply fabulous faux finish.

And that's what I call simply spending too much time

with your mother.

We'll be right back after these words from Binford.

Well, Tim, Al and Heidi here.

You might recognize us from over there.

Poor air quality is an issue we all deal with.

Many of us in urban areas are forced to breathe noxious fumes.

Heidi's the one that had the breakfast burrito.

To protect ourselves from pollutants and particles in the air,

we're proud to introduce the Binford 6100 sports respirator.

It's lightweight, and fashionable.

Plus the mouthpiece comes in designer colors, a full array of them.

Mine's kiwi.

- Breathe cleaner, healthier air. - Breathe Binford.

Well, that finishes up another Tool Time show.

Al, why don't you tell everybody

about the big show we got coming up?

That's right. Be sure to tune in Tuesday

for a very special Tool Time, when Tim presents

his totally restored '46 Ford convertible.

Plus a little video tribute directed and created by my son, Mark.

You know, you have your family working here.

What would it take to get Mother on the show?

We'd have to widen that door and put some brisket down.

Tell us about the engine.

Well, she's got 225 horsepower at 5500 RPM.

And she's ported, polished and relieved.

- Full... - Full race cam

and three Stromberg 97s.

(GRUNTING)

MARK: Dad, you're in my shot.

The electrical on this '46 Ford is wired like a computer.

It's all parallel, no crisscross.

The connectors, heat-shrunk. Prevents corrosion.

Yeah, no corrosion on those babies. No corrosion.

(GRUNTS)

Hi, I'm Eddie. I'm Tim's body shop guy.

MARK: So tell us what you see when you look at my dad's hot rod.

(CHUCKLES) I see dollar signs.

See? Yeah. I see Eddie Junior going to Harvard.

I see early retirement.

I see a little place in Rio.

I see a fake passport and a new wife. Young. I like 'em young.

- Hey, cut, cut, cut. - They gotta be young.

Eddie, family show, baby.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I really loved working on this car.

I can't believe the odyssey is finally over.

Seems like only yesterday that Tim

asked me to match the ruby-pearl exterior

with the beautiful distressed leather upholstery.

And then the joy we both felt on the day we found the right color

and fabric for the convertible top.

I can still smell that German canvas.

Like the top of a baby's head.

(CRYING)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this. Thanks, Tim.

- Hi. - Hey. Tough day

- out there on the blacktop? - Yeah.

You know, it's not filling the potholes that I mind,

it's the groupies.

- Where are my girls? - They're on a play date

with a friend of theirs, and Jill took them all to the mall.

She's probably getting me something really cool for Valentine's Day.

You get her something special?

I did something she's been wanting me to do

for three years, finish the hot rod.

Yes, I'm getting her something special.

You know, it's funny.

All the time that Nancy and I were together,

I always figured Valentine's Day was just some annoying holiday

that women made up.

It's true. Legend has it it was a little town

called Climax, Michigan.

1964, group of women around a salad bar.

One was making up Valentine's Day.

The other two were inventing stuff like, "Dressings on the side,"

and, "I just want to be held."

- What's the matter? - You know, just...

Seeing all the couples buying each other cards and presents.

- You know, I miss it. - You know, what you're going through,

it takes a lot of guts.

You mean living with you?

That, too.

(CHATTERING)

- She'd never do that. Hi, guys. - TIM: Hi.

- Hi. - Hey, who's this?

This is our friend Christy. She's staying for dinner.

Well, I'm cooking tonight. So you're real lucky.

We'll see about that.

Feisty little thing.

Hey.

You guys are a little late. Where have you been?

Mark was in the editing room for two hours,

and I had to stand in the hall on my bum leg.

- Why didn't you just sit down? - Shoot.

- Finished the video. - Well, good.

Let's take a look at it. Come on.

Dad, Dad.

So, how did it come out?

I think it's the best thing I've ever done.

All right.

Thank you so much for giving me the chance.

I can't wait to see it.

She's got 225 horsepower at 5500 RPMs. She's ported...

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah.

Heat-shrunk. Prevents corrosion.

Hi. I'm Eddie, Tim's body shop guy.

(LAUGHING)

I see early retirement. I see a little place in Rio.

I see fake passports and a new wife. Yeah, and she's young.

I like 'em young. She's gotta be...

Finally got the right color and fabric for the convertible top.

(CRYING)

So, what'd you think?

It stunk.

Christy, it did not stink.

Anybody else?

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to go with Christy.

- Brad. - It didn't stink.

- Thank you, Claire. - It was scary.

Dad?

Well.

That was different. I liked the way you switched the guys' heads.

That was good. But...

- But what? - You know, I hate telling you this.

I mean, it was... It's a new policy, just came down at Binford today.

It's a union thing, and since you're not part of the union...

You're not gonna show it, are you?

Well, I'd like to show it, but it's a union thing.

He thinks it stinks, too.

Look, I know the video was bizarre.

But isn't there something that you can do?

Sure. I could present it to the devil as an offering.

Couldn't you do some sort of special blooper show?

Mom, Dad already has one. It's called Tool Time.

Well, what about re-editing it, so it works?

And what if it doesn't? Then I disappoint him twice?

Well, all I know is we've got a 14-year-old who's crushed.

Seems to me you should have thought this through more carefully

before you made a promise you couldn't keep.

Maybe there's something in it I can use, you know?

(SIGHING)

(GROANS)

Happy Valentine's Day, good neighbor.

Why don't you just send a greeting card?

Well, some historians claim that Valentine's Day can be traced

to the ancient festival of Lupercalia.

See, in Rome, people would slap each other

using animal pelts, to heighten fertility.

We used to do that in high school.

Using a wet towel would just heighten people's voices.

(FAKE GROANING)

It is great fun, I'll tell you.

I bet Jill would love to strike you with an animal hide.

I bet you Mark would like to take a whack at me himself.

Yeah. Jill told me about the video.

I cannot show that video on Tool Time.

On the other hand, I don't want to discourage the kid

from doing something he's passionate about.

So, in the words of the Anglican leader Lorenzo Dow,

"You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't."

You can go back to your lubrication festival.

Tim, let me ask you something.

When you asked Mark to create this video,

- did you give him any guidelines? - Yeah.

I said, it was my show, my show, my show.

Not much to go on, is it?

It's like telling a guy to build a house without blueprints.

- Which is something you wouldn't do. - I might.

I actually did once. That house was a disaster.

- Yeah. - But the ratings went through the roof,

just like the water heater.

(CHUCKLING)

You know, Tim, Mark has his own vision and you have yours.

Now, if you want to hire him for your show,

you've got to communicate what you want

in an articulate and a professional manner.

- I love articulating. - Yeah.

Maybe the two of you can work together.

They say, sometimes, that two heads are better than one.

So, you did see the video?

(GROANING)

- Hey, Mark. - Hey, Brad.

(SIGHING)

Hey, Brad, could you give us a minute?

Don't worry about it. I don't feel like talking.

Brad, please. Come on.

Yeah. Is there anything you want me to get you?

Not now. But come back in a minute, yeah.

- I want to talk about your video. - What about it?

Well, I looked at it again. And it's real creative, you know?

And it shows a lot of humor.

- Come on. You thought it sucked. - No, I didn't. Not at all.

I mean, when Sparky was crying there,

I got goose bumps. At least I think that's what those were.

Well, I looked it over again, and I thought it sucked.

What did you think was the matter with it?

It was just too flashy and overdone. It had nothing to do with your show.

That's true. But I think I know why you did it.

- You do? - Yeah. It all comes back to Tool Time.

- It's called "The Lost Episode." - Never heard of it.

Hence the name "Lost Episode." Nobody's seen it. Not even Mom.

When I got out of college,

I was just fresh out of two film classes, right?

I got my own show, and I wanted to show off.

You know, my creativity was just burning through me, right?

So, I did my first episode about building a table

from the perspective of the saw.

Man.

Yeah, that's what Binford said. That's what the crowd said.

That's what the saw blade actually said.

(IMITATING SAW BLADE)

- The saw? - It talked.

(CHUCKLES)

- Binford didn't like it too much. - So, what did they do?

Well, they sat me down and we had a nice conversation about it.

And they gave me some directions, not the dumb guidelines I gave you.

And I'm thinking that if we brainstorm

with some of the guys down at Tool Time,

we could come up with a great episode for next week.

- You're giving me a second chance? - You bet I am.

Come on, this is about our hot rod. I'm not just letting anybody do this.

- All right. Let's get started. - All right.

We need some notes first, on that first scene. You thirsty?

- Yeah. - Hey, Brad,

will you bring down some root beers, please?

Well, we're just about to reveal Tim's '46 Ford convertible.

Hey, Tim, you want to tell us a little something about this car?

Why, this car is chopped

It's shaved

It's recessed

Why, it's Greased Lightning

I love the overhead lifters And four-barrel quads, oh, yeah

Fuel injection cut-off And chrome-plated rods, oh, yeah

With a four-speed on the floor They'll be waiting at the door

You know without a doubt I'll be really making out

in Greased Lightning

Go,go,go Go, Greased Lightning

You're burning up the quarter mile

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

Go, Greased Lightning

You're coasting through the heat lap trial

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

You are supreme

The chicks'll dream of Greased Lightning

Go, go, go

I'll have me purple French tail lights and 30-inch fins, oh, yeah

A palomino dashboard and dual muffler twins, oh, yeah

With new pistons, plugs and shocks She could beat the super stocks

You know that I ain't bragging She's a real dragon wagon

Greased Lightning Go, go, go

Go, Greased Lightning You're burning up the quarter mile

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

Go, Greased Lightning

You're coasting through the heat lap trial

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

You are supreme

The chicks'll scream for Greased Lightning

Go, go, go

Go, Greased Lightning You're burning up the quarter mile

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

Go, Greased Lightning

You're coasting through the heat lap trial

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

You are supreme

The chicks'll scream for Greased Lightning

(JILL LAUGHING)

Pretty proud of you. It looks good. Looks great, actually.

Thanks, Dad.

God, it was such a good idea for you to think of Greased Lightning.

- Yeah. - Wow. Heidi was great.

- What about us? - You were in it?

- By the way, Dad... - Nah, don't even bother thanking me.

It was all you. It was a good idea.

Actually, I wasn't going to. I went way over budget.

Can I get reimbursed?

Son, you have a lot to learn about the film business.

Well, it's got overhead lifters And four-barrel quads, oh, yeah

Fuel injection cut-off And chrome-plated rods, oh, yeah

With a four-speed on the floor They'll be waiting at the door

You know, without a doubt I'll be really making out

in Greased Lightning

Go, go, go Go, Greased Lightning

You're burning up the quarter mile

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

Go, Greased Lightning

You're coasting through the heat lap trial

Greased Lightning Go, Greased Lightning

You are supreme

The chicks'll dream of Greased Lightning

Go, go, go

I'll have me purple French taillights and 30-inch fins, oh, yeah

A palomino dashboard and dual muffler twins, oh, yeah

With new pistons, plugs and shocks She could beat the super stocks

You know that I ain't bragging She's a real dragon wagon

Greased Lightning Go, go, go

Go, Greased Lightning You're burning up the quarter mile