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1
00:00:04,122 --> 00:00:06,457
Welcome to Remodeling Week
here on Tool Time.
2
00:00:06,525 --> 00:00:10,461
Now,
here's the star of the show,
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
3
00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:13,865
Thank you, Heidi.
Thank you, everybody.
4
00:00:13,932 --> 00:00:15,666
Welcome to Tool Time.
5
00:00:15,734 --> 00:00:17,768
I am Tim "The Grateful
Tool Man" Taylor,
6
00:00:17,836 --> 00:00:20,671
and, of course,
you all know my assistant.
7
00:00:20,739 --> 00:00:22,606
(AUDIENCE CHEERING WILDLY)
8
00:00:29,648 --> 00:00:31,848
Okay, I'm a perch, I'll bite.
9
00:00:33,251 --> 00:00:34,751
Well, Tim,
it's Remodeling Week.
10
00:00:34,819 --> 00:00:36,753
I know that.
11
00:00:36,821 --> 00:00:39,657
Well,
I've worn this shirt before,
so now I'm re-modeling it.
12
00:00:44,529 --> 00:00:47,331
Uh, all right.
Well, over the years,
13
00:00:47,399 --> 00:00:50,434
we've shown you
a lot of different ways
to upgrade your home.
14
00:00:50,502 --> 00:00:51,902
But when the job is big enough,
15
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,337
it's time to ask
for the expertise
16
00:00:53,405 --> 00:00:55,339
of a licensed, bonded,
professional contractor.
17
00:00:55,407 --> 00:00:58,041
But finding a good
contractor can be,
18
00:00:58,109 --> 00:01:01,278
well, as difficult
as finding a date
to the prom.
19
00:01:03,948 --> 00:01:05,549
Yes, it can, Al.
20
00:01:06,951 --> 00:01:10,487
But this time,
your mom won't bail you out.
21
00:01:10,555 --> 00:01:15,326
"Al,
I can't fit in a limousine.
Better use a backhoe."
22
00:01:15,393 --> 00:01:20,163
As I was saying, choosing
a good contractor can be
a daunting task.
23
00:01:20,232 --> 00:01:21,398
You gotta ask
the right questions.
24
00:01:21,466 --> 00:01:22,666
Are you licensed?
25
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,268
Do you have
a completion clause?
26
00:01:24,336 --> 00:01:28,872
Are you using a porta-potty,
or just using my front lawn?
27
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:33,310
So, without further ado,
let's play
The Contracting Game.
28
00:01:33,378 --> 00:01:35,179
Whoo! Let's meet
our contestants!
29
00:01:43,921 --> 00:01:45,922
All right!
30
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:49,927
Contractor number one
is an ex-Navy man
from Saginaw
31
00:01:49,994 --> 00:01:55,032
who enjoys appraisals,
electrical work
and long walks on the beach.
32
00:01:55,099 --> 00:01:56,633
Bill, say hello to Tim.
33
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,569
Hi, Tim.
Hey, Bill.
34
00:01:58,637 --> 00:02:02,540
Contractor number two
calls himself
a trustworthy Taurus
35
00:02:02,607 --> 00:02:04,475
who wrote
the primmer on primer.
36
00:02:04,543 --> 00:02:05,542
Wally, say hello to Tim.
37
00:02:05,610 --> 00:02:07,511
Hi, Tim.
Wally.
38
00:02:07,579 --> 00:02:09,346
And contractor
number three says he's
39
00:02:09,414 --> 00:02:12,083
great at grouting,
enjoys fine dining
40
00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:15,286
and will paint any surface
at the drop of a cloth.
41
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:16,186
Ed, say hello to Tim.
42
00:02:16,254 --> 00:02:17,588
Hi, Tim.
43
00:02:17,656 --> 00:02:20,557
Tim, Tool Time is by far
my favorite show.
44
00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,227
I like him already.
45
00:02:23,294 --> 00:02:26,731
All right.
Well, we've established
that these men are qualified.
46
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:31,101
So let's see how they stand up
to the tough questions
from The Tool Man.
47
00:02:31,169 --> 00:02:34,338
Thank you, Al.
All right,
contractor number three,
48
00:02:34,406 --> 00:02:37,408
you say my kitchen work
can be done in, uh, what?
Six weeks?
49
00:02:37,476 --> 00:02:39,776
That's contractor time.
What is that in real time?
50
00:02:39,844 --> 00:02:42,313
Sixteen weeks
and not a day more.
51
00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,914
There's something
to be said for honesty.
52
00:02:43,982 --> 00:02:45,382
Okay, 18 weeks.
53
00:02:46,884 --> 00:02:50,821
Contractor number two,
I want to put in
a new bathroom.
54
00:02:50,889 --> 00:02:52,790
Tile, sink, maybe a Jacuzzi.
55
00:02:52,858 --> 00:02:54,625
For 10 grand, can it be done?
56
00:02:54,693 --> 00:02:56,960
Well, actually,
that seems a little low.
57
00:02:57,028 --> 00:02:58,795
Hey, Tim. It's Ed,
contractor number three.
58
00:02:58,863 --> 00:03:00,598
I can do it for nine-five.
59
00:03:02,267 --> 00:03:04,201
All right,
contractor number one,
60
00:03:04,269 --> 00:03:07,404
putting a parquet floor
in my, uh, dining room.
61
00:03:07,472 --> 00:03:08,805
You get a call
from the hospital.
62
00:03:08,873 --> 00:03:10,474
It's your wife.
She's having a baby.
63
00:03:10,542 --> 00:03:13,043
Do you finish the floor
or race to the hospital?
64
00:03:13,111 --> 00:03:16,012
Well, Tim, my wife and I
have been trying to have
a baby for three years.
65
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,383
I've been trying to have
a parquet floor for 10.
66
00:03:19,451 --> 00:03:23,688
Well, I mean, if you really
needed the work done,
uh, I guess I'd do it.
67
00:03:23,755 --> 00:03:26,590
Look at it this way,
the floor will probably last
longer than the marriage.
68
00:03:28,092 --> 00:03:30,695
Yeah. Especially now,
since my wife is watching.
69
00:03:31,896 --> 00:03:33,964
So the moment of
truth has come.
70
00:03:34,032 --> 00:03:36,166
Are you going with
contractor number one,
71
00:03:36,234 --> 00:03:39,703
contractor number two,
or contractor number three?
72
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:42,239
Hey, Tim, it's Ed again.
73
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:45,810
I would leave my family
to do your parquet floor.
74
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,913
And yet I'm gonna go with
contractor number one!
75
00:03:49,914 --> 00:03:51,448
Yeah!
76
00:03:51,516 --> 00:03:52,849
Congratulations.
77
00:03:52,917 --> 00:03:56,453
All right. Okay.
78
00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:58,389
Congratulations, Bill.
Thank you. Thank you.
79
00:03:58,456 --> 00:03:59,589
Now, when do I start the job?
80
00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:01,558
Job?
81
00:04:01,626 --> 00:04:03,894
We're just
playing a game here.
There's no job.
82
00:04:03,962 --> 00:04:05,996
I took a whole day off
for nothing?
83
00:04:06,064 --> 00:04:07,965
I assumed there was a job.
84
00:04:08,033 --> 00:04:10,935
Well, you know what happens
when you assume.
85
00:04:13,037 --> 00:04:16,674
Well, what happens is
Heidi's gonna tell you
what you won.
86
00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:18,809
Uh...
87
00:04:18,876 --> 00:04:22,513
You won this key ring
with a handy can opener.
88
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:25,316
There you go.
There you go.
89
00:04:25,383 --> 00:04:27,150
Yeah. That's gonna
come in real handy
90
00:04:27,319 --> 00:04:30,454
'cause I'm about
to open up a can
of whoop-ass on the Tool Man.
91
00:05:25,677 --> 00:05:29,513
Jill, the girls'
birthday cake is great.
What's your secret?
92
00:05:29,581 --> 00:05:32,950
Gretchen's Bakery.
It's that place with
the flashing neon lederhosen.
93
00:05:33,218 --> 00:05:37,454
You know, I always thought
Gretchen was selling
something else there.
94
00:05:37,456 --> 00:05:39,890
Hey, girls, come on.
Let's keep this
party rolling.
95
00:05:39,958 --> 00:05:41,759
I gotta get to work.
96
00:05:41,826 --> 00:05:44,795
Hey, Uncle Marty,
my dad says you have a job
in canine nutrition.
97
00:05:44,862 --> 00:05:48,899
I stack kibble at
a dog-food warehouse.
98
00:05:48,966 --> 00:05:51,402
Okay, girls. What do you say?
Is it time to open presents?
99
00:05:51,469 --> 00:05:53,236
Oh, yeah!
Yeah!
100
00:05:53,305 --> 00:05:54,505
Yes? All right.
Come on, give me a hand,
will you?
101
00:05:54,572 --> 00:05:56,139
Okay. Now, wait...
Keep your eyes closed.
102
00:05:56,207 --> 00:05:57,808
No looking.
No looking. Wait.
103
00:05:57,875 --> 00:05:59,610
Come on, Aunt Jill, please!
Oh, come on, please!
104
00:05:59,678 --> 00:06:01,645
No, no, no.
MARTY: Okay!
105
00:06:01,713 --> 00:06:05,516
And happy birthday!
106
00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,551
A new bike!
Just what I wanted!
107
00:06:07,619 --> 00:06:08,719
Thanks, Dad!
108
00:06:08,787 --> 00:06:09,886
Now you can ride around
the neighborhood
109
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:11,422
mowing down
three-year-olds.
110
00:06:12,791 --> 00:06:13,857
Thanks, Tim.
111
00:06:13,925 --> 00:06:16,159
This is from Brad and me.
112
00:06:21,232 --> 00:06:23,200
Legos!
All right!
113
00:06:23,267 --> 00:06:25,769
And let me see.
These are from
Uncle Tim and me.
114
00:06:25,837 --> 00:06:28,305
That's for you
and this is for you.
115
00:06:32,777 --> 00:06:34,311
The Spice Girls!
116
00:06:34,379 --> 00:06:36,547
Wow! I got Posh Spice!
117
00:06:36,614 --> 00:06:40,984
I got Sporty Spice.
I want Posh Spice.
118
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:42,720
But you love Sporty Spice.
119
00:06:42,787 --> 00:06:44,421
You were Sporty Spice
for Halloween.
120
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:47,057
I want Posh Spice.
121
00:06:47,125 --> 00:06:49,026
But they gave me Posh Spice.
122
00:06:49,094 --> 00:06:50,961
Upstairs, I got some Old Spice.
123
00:06:54,565 --> 00:06:57,300
Listen, Gracie, why don't
you just trade dolls
with Claire, okay?
124
00:06:57,368 --> 00:06:58,435
Do I have to?
125
00:06:58,502 --> 00:06:59,503
Well, that's not really fair.
126
00:06:59,637 --> 00:07:01,205
I mean, we sort of did give
that doll to Gracie.
127
00:07:01,272 --> 00:07:02,839
Yeah.
If it'll make
her sister happy,
128
00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:04,040
I mean,
does it really
make a difference?
129
00:07:04,109 --> 00:07:05,109
Come on, honey.
130
00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:06,610
Okay.
131
00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:10,547
That's a girl.
I love you guys.
Come here.
132
00:07:10,615 --> 00:07:12,949
Hey, now, listen,
I gotta go, okay?
133
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:14,851
I'm really sorry
I gotta go to work
on your birthday,
134
00:07:14,919 --> 00:07:17,521
but I'll come on back later
and we'll have
a good time, okay?
135
00:07:17,589 --> 00:07:18,655
Okay. Bye.
See you.
136
00:07:18,723 --> 00:07:20,157
TIM: See you later, Marty.
JILL: Bye-bye.
137
00:07:20,225 --> 00:07:22,559
Aunt Jill, can we go play
with our dolls upstairs?
138
00:07:22,627 --> 00:07:24,595
Of course you can.
Go on.
139
00:07:24,662 --> 00:07:26,497
Hey, guys, guys,
will you put these Legos
together for the girls
140
00:07:26,564 --> 00:07:27,998
and take them up to them?
141
00:07:28,065 --> 00:07:29,866
Mom, we're building a fort.
142
00:07:32,771 --> 00:07:35,172
Excuse me, uh, 17?
143
00:07:35,239 --> 00:07:37,975
I'm only 14.
I'm hanging onto my youth.
144
00:07:39,244 --> 00:07:40,877
It's time to let go.
145
00:07:44,181 --> 00:07:46,282
Can you believe
what Marty just did?
No.
146
00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:48,919
Buying these bikes
off the rack like this?
147
00:07:48,987 --> 00:07:50,186
These gear ratios and tires...
148
00:07:50,254 --> 00:07:53,256
You'll never get any speed
out of these puppies.
149
00:07:53,324 --> 00:07:55,025
I'm not talking
about the bikes.
150
00:07:55,093 --> 00:07:57,327
I'm talking about the way
he's dealing with the girls.
151
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,829
He's just trying
to make her happy.
152
00:07:58,963 --> 00:08:00,897
Yeah.
At her sister's expense.
153
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:03,767
He's not doing
Claire any favors
by giving in to her.
154
00:08:03,834 --> 00:08:05,435
He's letting her
just take control.
155
00:08:05,503 --> 00:08:07,504
This is none
of our business.
Yes, it is.
156
00:08:07,572 --> 00:08:09,839
No, it's not.
We don't know anything
about raising two girls.
157
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,976
Excuse me,
someone in this room
was a girl once.
158
00:08:13,177 --> 00:08:15,746
That was years ago
before the operation.
159
00:08:18,182 --> 00:08:21,852
You promised you wouldn't
bring that up again!
160
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,021
Whether they're
boys or girls,
it's beside the point.
161
00:08:24,089 --> 00:08:26,390
No, it's not beside the point.
Yeah, but they're
living in our house.
162
00:08:26,457 --> 00:08:29,326
Children need boundaries,
and Marty's not setting any.
163
00:08:29,394 --> 00:08:31,361
He lets them stay up
as long as they want
every night.
164
00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:32,963
Jill...
165
00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:34,498
He's not setting any limits
on what kind of
television they watch.
166
00:08:34,566 --> 00:08:36,900
He's doing the best job
he can. He's going
through a separation.
167
00:08:36,968 --> 00:08:39,135
For God's sake, the guy
can't be with his girls
on his birthday.
168
00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:42,105
He's counting Snausages.
169
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:45,642
I know. I feel so sorry
for him. It's awful for him,
awful for them.
170
00:08:45,710 --> 00:08:47,610
But at least they get
to spend the day with us.
171
00:08:47,746 --> 00:08:49,980
Well, actually,
they're gonna be
spending the day with you.
172
00:08:50,048 --> 00:08:51,715
I gotta go
counsel some patients.
173
00:08:51,783 --> 00:08:53,617
Are you gonna be
okay with that?
174
00:08:53,685 --> 00:08:55,118
Oh, yeah.
Yeah? Okay.
175
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,954
We'll have a good time.
176
00:08:57,021 --> 00:08:59,856
Hey, girls,
break open
those piggy banks!
177
00:08:59,924 --> 00:09:02,826
We're going to the casinos
over in Windsor!
178
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:09,633
Uncle Tim,
are the bikes done yet?
179
00:09:09,701 --> 00:09:12,402
Well, Claire, for me,
"done" is a relative term.
180
00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:14,571
I've been done for
an hour and a half.
181
00:09:14,639 --> 00:09:16,807
When you're done,
can I take it outside
and ride it?
182
00:09:16,874 --> 00:09:19,142
No, honey.
It's way too slippery
out there today.
183
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,711
But it's my birthday.
184
00:09:20,778 --> 00:09:22,879
I know it's your birthday,
but it's just unsafe.
185
00:09:22,947 --> 00:09:24,280
Please, Uncle Tim?
186
00:09:24,348 --> 00:09:25,649
Not today 'cause it's your...
187
00:09:25,717 --> 00:09:27,084
Please?
188
00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:29,352
Please?
189
00:09:31,355 --> 00:09:32,589
(BELL RINGING)
190
00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:37,026
Claire?
What are you doing?
191
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:38,695
Hi, Aunt Jill.
192
00:09:38,763 --> 00:09:41,264
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Who told you that you could
ride your bike in here?
193
00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:42,632
Here I come.
194
00:09:44,435 --> 00:09:46,002
JILL: Tim.
Hi, honey.
195
00:09:46,070 --> 00:09:49,173
Hop on the handlebars.
I'll take you around
the coffee table.
196
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,109
I got a better idea.
Why don't we just flood
the basement and swim laps?
197
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,012
I like it.
Come here.
198
00:09:55,079 --> 00:09:56,847
It's their birthday.
It's their birthday.
Come here.
199
00:09:56,914 --> 00:09:58,214
Come on.
We never let our boys
200
00:09:58,282 --> 00:10:00,751
ride bikes in the house,
birthday or no birthday.
201
00:10:00,818 --> 00:10:02,886
Their parents are going
through a separation.
202
00:10:02,954 --> 00:10:04,054
Even more reason
for them to have rules.
203
00:10:04,121 --> 00:10:07,023
They need a grownup
to be in charge.
204
00:10:11,863 --> 00:10:13,697
They're away from their mom
for their birthday.
205
00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:17,000
Their dad is
tasting liver treats
for a living.
206
00:10:17,068 --> 00:10:18,301
She sweet-talked you,
didn't she?
207
00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:19,536
She did that thing
where she goes,
208
00:10:19,604 --> 00:10:21,805
"Please, Uncle Tim?"
209
00:10:21,873 --> 00:10:25,542
Actually, she went,
"Uncle Tim, please!"
210
00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:29,012
Girls, I'm sorry,
but we can't ride bikes
inside the house.
211
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,647
Okay.
Okay.
212
00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:34,017
But Uncle Tim
said he'd show me
how to pop a wheelie.
213
00:10:34,085 --> 00:10:35,452
No, no, no, no.
You misunderstood me.
214
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,789
What I said was,
"Later on, we'll put
the top on the Healey."
215
00:10:40,124 --> 00:10:42,459
I want to ride my bike.
Please, Uncle Tim?
216
00:10:42,527 --> 00:10:44,495
Oh, come on.
One wheelie.
217
00:10:44,562 --> 00:10:47,364
We said no to our boys
hundreds of times.
218
00:10:47,432 --> 00:10:49,065
And look what happened to them.
219
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,067
I don't care what you say.
I'm riding my bike.
220
00:10:51,135 --> 00:10:52,903
No, no, no.
We're not gonna ride
in the house anymore.
221
00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:54,103
Aunt Jill doesn't
think it's a good idea.
222
00:10:54,171 --> 00:10:55,872
I want to ride my bike!
Claire, no!
223
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:57,474
You cannot ride
the bike in the house!
No! I'm riding my bike!
224
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:58,909
Claire, stop yelling.
No!
225
00:10:58,976 --> 00:11:01,010
Hey, I'm home.
Where are
the birthday girls?
226
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,278
Daddy! Daddy!
227
00:11:02,346 --> 00:11:04,848
Claire, honey.
What's wrong?
Come here.
228
00:11:04,916 --> 00:11:07,283
Aunt Jill's being mean to me.
229
00:11:07,351 --> 00:11:11,221
Oh, sweetie, it's okay.
What's going on?
230
00:11:11,289 --> 00:11:14,024
She wanted to ride her bike
around the house and, uh...
231
00:11:14,092 --> 00:11:16,393
And Jill didn't think
it was a good idea.
232
00:11:18,963 --> 00:11:21,365
You couldn't
cut her any slack
on her birthday?
233
00:11:21,432 --> 00:11:22,866
Come on, honey.
I'll take you out
for ice cream.
234
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,968
Go get your coat
and your sister, okay?
235
00:11:25,036 --> 00:11:26,803
Come on, Gracie!
236
00:11:26,871 --> 00:11:29,839
Marty, you're setting up
a behavioral pattern
237
00:11:29,907 --> 00:11:32,209
where you give in to her
every time she acts out.
238
00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:33,644
Oh, spare me the psychobabble.
239
00:11:33,711 --> 00:11:35,245
I know how to handle my kids.
240
00:11:35,312 --> 00:11:36,113
If you knew how to
handle your kids,
241
00:11:36,247 --> 00:11:38,015
they'd know how to behave
in our home.
242
00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:40,684
You know,
ice cream is starting
to sound real good right now.
243
00:11:40,752 --> 00:11:43,220
Look, Claire and Gracie
need the security of knowing
244
00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:45,255
that there is
a grownup in control.
245
00:11:45,323 --> 00:11:47,056
That's okay.
Just don't tell me
how to raise my kids.
246
00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:48,525
How about rocky road?
247
00:11:48,593 --> 00:11:50,260
Or maybe we just
shouldn't stay here.
Is that what you're saying?
248
00:11:50,328 --> 00:11:51,361
Oh, that would be great, Marty.
249
00:11:51,429 --> 00:11:53,230
Take the easy way out.
Run away again.
250
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,998
Well, it's pretty obvious
that you don't want us
living here.
251
00:11:55,065 --> 00:11:56,566
Oh, no, no.
You're not gonna
pull that on me!
252
00:11:56,634 --> 00:11:58,101
I love having you guys here!
253
00:11:58,169 --> 00:12:00,103
And we love being here!
254
00:12:01,939 --> 00:12:04,107
And I can feel the love.
255
00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:11,548
Unbelievable.
256
00:12:11,615 --> 00:12:13,616
I don't want them
riding bikes in the house
and I'm the bad guy?
257
00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:15,485
Thanks for bailing on me, Tim.
258
00:12:15,553 --> 00:12:18,454
I wasn't bailing on you.
I was acting like
a peacekeeper.
259
00:12:18,522 --> 00:12:20,723
They should have your kind
of peacekeeping
in the Middle East.
260
00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:24,828
Shooting starts,
you send out
for Chunky Monkey.
261
00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:26,195
They were riding bikes
in the house.
262
00:12:26,263 --> 00:12:28,532
They weren't invading
occupied territory.
263
00:12:28,599 --> 00:12:30,567
Look, I agreed to help you
with your brother.
264
00:12:30,635 --> 00:12:32,301
You gotta help me here.
265
00:12:32,369 --> 00:12:34,203
Even if I don't believe
what you're doing is right.
266
00:12:34,271 --> 00:12:35,238
You know what I'm doing
is right.
267
00:12:35,306 --> 00:12:36,572
No, I don't know
that what you're doing...
268
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,907
You just don't
want to take sides.
269
00:12:37,975 --> 00:12:40,777
That's what makes me
a great peacekeeper.
270
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,779
No, that makes you
wishy-washy.
271
00:12:42,847 --> 00:12:44,814
I think maybe
you better back off
a little bit.
272
00:12:44,882 --> 00:12:47,217
Okay, okay. I'll back off
if I know that
I've got your support
273
00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:48,986
if things get, you know,
completely out of control.
274
00:12:49,053 --> 00:12:52,089
If things get
completely out of control,
you have my support 110%.
275
00:12:52,223 --> 00:12:55,058
How do you define
"completely out of control"?
276
00:12:56,761 --> 00:12:58,762
I can't define it.
277
00:12:58,830 --> 00:13:00,797
I'll know it
when I have to
clean it up.
278
00:13:02,099 --> 00:13:03,099
(SIGHS)
279
00:13:04,736 --> 00:13:07,604
Look. There's a gross,
gooey prize in the box.
280
00:13:07,672 --> 00:13:10,306
I want the prize!
281
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,742
Honey, it's gonna be
a lot deeper than that.
282
00:13:11,809 --> 00:13:14,044
They always put the prize
at the bottom.
283
00:13:14,111 --> 00:13:16,312
Whoa, whoa,
I was gonna eat that cereal.
284
00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:17,447
Take your arm
out of the cereal, please.
285
00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:19,283
But I want the prize.
286
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:20,417
Come on, Tim.
It's not that big a deal.
287
00:13:20,484 --> 00:13:21,919
It's a big deal to me.
288
00:13:21,986 --> 00:13:23,787
Claire, please take your arm
out of the cereal.
289
00:13:23,854 --> 00:13:26,957
Okay, fine.
Claire, get your hand
out of the box. Let's go.
290
00:13:27,792 --> 00:13:29,426
Oh, come on, Marty.
Claire!
291
00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:31,094
Claire! What...
292
00:13:31,162 --> 00:13:32,595
I want her to
clean this up right now.
293
00:13:32,663 --> 00:13:34,197
Oh, come on.
294
00:13:34,265 --> 00:13:37,000
This wouldn't have happened
if you'd just let her
have the stupid prize.
295
00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:39,102
This is my fault?
Claire, clean this up.
296
00:13:39,170 --> 00:13:40,370
I just...
I don't have time
to deal with this.
297
00:13:40,438 --> 00:13:42,806
Sorry. I gotta go to work.
They gotta go to school.
298
00:13:42,874 --> 00:13:44,708
Kids, get your things.
Let's go.
299
00:13:44,776 --> 00:13:46,476
Why don't you
just leave it here
on the table then, huh?
300
00:13:46,544 --> 00:13:49,178
I'll pour some milk on it
and I'll suck it off later.
301
00:13:50,682 --> 00:13:51,814
Bye, girls.
302
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,955
So, Mr. Peacekeeper,
303
00:14:00,557 --> 00:14:03,793
does this qualify
as completely out of control?
304
00:14:03,861 --> 00:14:05,529
Not if I get you
to clean it up.
305
00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:10,933
Excuse me, I'm looking
for Marty Taylor.
306
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:12,402
He's stacking kibble somewhere.
307
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:14,571
He's been promoted
to squeakies and chew toys
308
00:14:14,639 --> 00:14:18,475
instead of me,
who's been here 15 years,
but hey, I'm not bitter.
309
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:24,814
Oh, no. Look,
I don't have time to talk,
okay?
310
00:14:24,882 --> 00:14:26,182
I'm way behind in my work.
311
00:14:26,251 --> 00:14:28,218
Do you have time to talk
if I give you a hand?
312
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:30,987
Like you can learn
this job in one day.
313
00:14:34,359 --> 00:14:36,560
(SQUEAKS)
Squeeze the toy,
see if it works.
314
00:14:38,396 --> 00:14:40,029
(SQUEAKS)
315
00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:42,198
Look, I know your kids
are having a tough time
with the separation,
316
00:14:42,267 --> 00:14:44,167
but you're
letting them get away
with murder, Marty.
317
00:14:44,235 --> 00:14:45,302
Hey, you're the one
that told them
318
00:14:45,370 --> 00:14:46,970
they could ride their bikes
around the house!
319
00:14:47,037 --> 00:14:48,872
That's because
Claire pouted.
I gave in.
320
00:14:48,939 --> 00:14:51,441
But you give in every time
she snaps her fingers.
321
00:14:51,509 --> 00:14:53,677
Oh, give me a break.
The separation's
really hard on them.
322
00:14:53,745 --> 00:14:56,913
I know. I know. I know.
I happen to want
my kids to like me.
323
00:14:56,981 --> 00:14:59,082
You're their father,
not their friend.
324
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:01,117
You can't let them
manipulate you like this.
325
00:15:01,185 --> 00:15:02,185
(SQUEAKS)
326
00:15:03,954 --> 00:15:05,689
Well, excuse me,
but I happen to think
327
00:15:05,757 --> 00:15:08,525
(SQUEAKS)
that you're the one
who's being manipulated.
328
00:15:10,395 --> 00:15:11,695
What's that supposed to mean?
329
00:15:11,763 --> 00:15:13,029
Oh, come on.
330
00:15:13,097 --> 00:15:15,031
Your wife sent you
down here
to bite my head off
331
00:15:15,099 --> 00:15:18,902
(SQUEAKING)
about something
that you don't even believe.
332
00:15:18,969 --> 00:15:20,337
If you think for one minute
333
00:15:20,405 --> 00:15:21,772
I came down here
'cause of Jill,
you're dead wrong.
334
00:15:21,839 --> 00:15:24,374
I'm my own man.
I do my own bidding.
335
00:15:27,011 --> 00:15:28,178
MAN: Hey!
336
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,714
Yeah? Well,
I'm my own man
337
00:15:30,782 --> 00:15:34,184
(SQUEAKS)
and I don't happen to agree
with what your wife
338
00:15:34,251 --> 00:15:36,085
sent you down here to tell me.
339
00:15:36,153 --> 00:15:38,988
If you weren't such
a thickhead, you'd realize
she made a good point.
340
00:15:39,056 --> 00:15:42,258
(SQUEAKS)
You know what else?
This is a really annoying job.
341
00:15:42,327 --> 00:15:45,462
(SQUEAKING)
342
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,297
It wasn't nearly so annoying
343
00:15:47,365 --> 00:15:50,033
before you came down here
and started
breathing down my neck.
344
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,468
Maybe it's time I left, huh?
345
00:15:51,536 --> 00:15:53,069
(SQUEAKING)
346
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:54,571
Oh, now you're doing it?
347
00:15:54,639 --> 00:15:57,641
Who's a guy gotta sleep with
around here to squeak toys?
348
00:16:00,378 --> 00:16:01,378
(SQUEAKS)
349
00:16:05,015 --> 00:16:07,183
Well, hi ho, neighbor.
350
00:16:07,251 --> 00:16:09,986
Hidey ho back at you.
351
00:16:10,054 --> 00:16:12,422
You getting ready
to knock off a liquor store?
352
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,257
(CHUCKLING)
353
00:16:14,325 --> 00:16:17,060
No, Tim. I'm experimenting
with thermal headgear
354
00:16:17,127 --> 00:16:19,229
for my heli-skiing trip.
355
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,933
Well, I'd rather go skiing
in hell with you
356
00:16:24,001 --> 00:16:25,902
than stay in this house
with my brother.
357
00:16:25,970 --> 00:16:28,905
Oh, I didn't think
it was Marty who was doing
all the screaming.
358
00:16:28,973 --> 00:16:30,407
No, it was Claire.
359
00:16:30,475 --> 00:16:32,642
That girl screams
louder than Al's mom
360
00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:35,512
when you try to
take away her pudding.
361
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,815
Well, have you and Jill
tried to deal
with the situation?
362
00:16:38,882 --> 00:16:41,551
Of course
I tried to talk to him.
It doesn't do any good.
363
00:16:41,619 --> 00:16:42,952
Well, what'd you say to him?
364
00:16:43,154 --> 00:16:45,255
I told him everything
he was doing was wrong.
365
00:16:45,323 --> 00:16:48,392
Oh, golly!
And Marty wasn't
responsive to that?
366
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,194
It's impossible to talk to him.
367
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,363
You know, I want to
help him, but I'm
running out of speeches.
368
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,165
Well, you know, Tim,
as someone whose first
impulse is to speechify,
369
00:16:56,233 --> 00:16:59,502
I can promise you
that isn't always
the best solution.
370
00:16:59,570 --> 00:17:02,639
I know how to
get his attention,
an atomic wedgie.
371
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:07,043
Well, you could also
try it my way.
372
00:17:07,111 --> 00:17:09,413
You know, sometimes, Tim,
instead of sharing my wisdom,
373
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,849
I try to give people
the benefit of my experience.
374
00:17:12,917 --> 00:17:15,652
What experience of mine
would be helpful to Marty?
375
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,822
Tim, you have helped raise
three terrific kids.
376
00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:22,426
What good would it be
to tell Marty how
I raised my kids?
377
00:17:22,493 --> 00:17:26,663
Well, don't tell him
how you did it,
just find a way to show him.
378
00:17:26,731 --> 00:17:28,297
I can't even imagine
what he's going through,
379
00:17:28,366 --> 00:17:29,899
doing all this parenting alone.
380
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:33,069
I mean, without Jill,
I couldn't have had the kids.
381
00:17:37,475 --> 00:17:38,775
I want a cookie!
382
00:17:38,843 --> 00:17:40,309
Claire, no!
383
00:17:40,378 --> 00:17:41,411
How's it going, Marty?
384
00:17:41,479 --> 00:17:42,712
I hate you!
385
00:17:42,780 --> 00:17:43,980
That answer your question?
386
00:17:44,048 --> 00:17:44,981
I want a cookie!
387
00:17:45,049 --> 00:17:46,616
I told you not before dinner!
388
00:17:46,683 --> 00:17:47,750
Now, you're in time-out!
389
00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:48,818
Go to your room!
390
00:17:48,886 --> 00:17:50,653
No!
I said yes!
391
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,522
No!
I said yes!
392
00:17:52,589 --> 00:17:54,490
I want to be with Mommy!
393
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,561
Hey, Marty.
You're doing good.
394
00:17:58,629 --> 00:18:00,596
Just hang tough, buddy.
You'll be all right.
395
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:05,302
CLAIRE: (SCREAMING) I said
I wanna be with Mommy!
396
00:18:06,437 --> 00:18:08,905
That's it. Time-out's over.
I'm going up there.
397
00:18:08,973 --> 00:18:10,540
Hold on a second.
I'll show you what to do.
398
00:18:10,607 --> 00:18:12,809
Take the cookie.
Break it in half.
Right now. Break it in half.
399
00:18:12,876 --> 00:18:14,044
Put half in your mouth.
400
00:18:14,111 --> 00:18:15,211
Give me the other half.
401
00:18:18,649 --> 00:18:20,016
Now what?
402
00:18:20,084 --> 00:18:22,118
Now we go to Legoland
and build a bait
and tackle shop
403
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:24,020
and forget about this.
Come on, come on.
404
00:18:24,088 --> 00:18:27,357
CLAIRE: All I want is
that dumb, old cookie!
405
00:18:27,425 --> 00:18:28,458
(CLAIRE SCREAMING)
406
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,526
She's gonna hate me
for the rest of my life.
407
00:18:30,594 --> 00:18:33,696
I'll be surprised
if in an hour
she still hates you, okay?
408
00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:36,333
Now, I need a worm cooler,
all right? Start on that.
409
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,935
(CLAIRE SCREAMING)
410
00:18:39,003 --> 00:18:41,637
CLAIRE:
I hate it here so much!
411
00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:43,473
What's going on?
412
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:47,143
We're building
a bait and tackle shop
during an air-raid siren.
413
00:18:49,146 --> 00:18:50,480
CLAIRE: I'm holding my breath!
414
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,715
We're waiting out
Claire's tantrum.
415
00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:54,917
Marty, that is so good.
416
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:59,822
CLAIRE: This room is stupid!
This house is stupid!
417
00:19:00,024 --> 00:19:05,094
Everyone here is stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid!
418
00:19:08,131 --> 00:19:10,032
It's a dream come true.
419
00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:18,574
You know, she's been at it
for over an hour.
Something's gotta blow.
420
00:19:18,642 --> 00:19:20,777
(CLAIRE SCREAMING)
Either her lungs
or my eardrums.
421
00:19:20,844 --> 00:19:23,780
You just gotta tune it out.
I barely even hear her
anymore.
422
00:19:23,847 --> 00:19:26,616
(CLAIRE SCREAMING)
423
00:19:28,386 --> 00:19:31,221
I heard that one.
424
00:19:31,289 --> 00:19:33,489
You know,
I was never any good
at disciplining the kids.
425
00:19:33,557 --> 00:19:36,126
Nancy was always the one
that had to tell them no.
426
00:19:36,193 --> 00:19:37,860
You know, every time
they'd start to cry,
I'd just...
427
00:19:37,929 --> 00:19:39,729
Wait, wait, wait. Listen.
428
00:19:39,797 --> 00:19:41,564
She stopped.
429
00:19:41,632 --> 00:19:44,534
Should I go up there?
No, no, careful.
It might be a trap.
430
00:19:46,804 --> 00:19:48,538
Hi.
431
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:50,073
Hi, Claire.
Hi, Claire.
432
00:19:50,141 --> 00:19:52,442
Hi, honey.
433
00:19:52,509 --> 00:19:54,277
Dad, since I missed dinner,
434
00:19:54,345 --> 00:19:56,846
can I please have
a peanut-butter sandwich?
435
00:19:58,282 --> 00:19:59,282
Sure.
436
00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:00,350
Okay.
437
00:20:01,585 --> 00:20:02,685
Okay.
438
00:20:03,955 --> 00:20:05,788
(WHISPERING) You made it.
439
00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:07,623
Thanks. I guess I did.
440
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:11,928
Hey, while I'm up,
can I get you anything?
441
00:20:11,996 --> 00:20:14,331
Yeah. I'd love
a cup of tea.
That'd be great.
442
00:20:14,398 --> 00:20:17,000
I could go for
a peanut-butter
sandwich myself.
443
00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:20,803
Please!
444
00:20:22,706 --> 00:20:24,840
Please!
445
00:20:31,081 --> 00:20:33,048
It's all finished.
446
00:20:33,116 --> 00:20:34,784
It's the first
bait and tackle shop
447
00:20:34,851 --> 00:20:36,319
with its built-in
lingerie department.
448
00:20:36,387 --> 00:20:37,620
Huh.
449
00:20:37,688 --> 00:20:40,055
And a little Tyra Banks
out of Lego.
450
00:20:42,526 --> 00:20:44,761
Gosh, it's so quiet.
451
00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:47,597
I'm really proud of Marty
for getting through this.
452
00:20:47,665 --> 00:20:49,532
We're just lucky our boys
are through that phase.
453
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,635
(DOOR BANGS)
454
00:20:51,702 --> 00:20:53,302
You know,
I hate living in this house.
I mean, thanks to you guys,
455
00:20:53,370 --> 00:20:55,605
I'm cramped in
a stupid little basement
with my geeky brother,
456
00:20:55,673 --> 00:20:57,941
I've got no privacy,
I've got no ventilation
457
00:20:58,009 --> 00:20:59,475
and last night,
in the middle of his sleep,
458
00:20:59,543 --> 00:21:02,211
Mark starts singing
a Puff Daddy medley!
459
00:21:02,279 --> 00:21:03,647
You know, this is crazy!
460
00:21:03,714 --> 00:21:07,183
This is insane!
I hate living in this house!
Gosh!
461
00:21:10,121 --> 00:21:12,522
Well, at least
he's potty-trained.
462
00:21:18,295 --> 00:21:21,997
Yeah? Well, I'm my
own wife and I don't
happen to think that...
463
00:21:34,811 --> 00:21:37,347
Oh, yeah.
Now. Yeah.
464
00:21:38,215 --> 00:21:40,350
Saying the written line.
465
00:21:40,417 --> 00:21:43,086
Oh, that one. Yes.
466
00:21:43,153 --> 00:21:46,055
Yeah. Well, I'm my own man
and I don't happen to
agree with what your wife
467
00:21:46,123 --> 00:21:47,290
(SQUEAKS)
468
00:21:47,358 --> 00:21:49,759
sent you down here
to say to me.
469
00:21:49,826 --> 00:21:51,794
(SQUEAKS)
470
00:21:53,130 --> 00:21:55,031
(SQUEAKS) If you weren't so...
471
00:21:56,466 --> 00:21:57,733
If you weren't so thickheaded,
472
00:21:57,801 --> 00:22:00,003
you would've...
You would've...
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